S09.E05: PolygaMexicamist Wedding

[Tabbygirl521]

Oh god. Tony isn’t verbal. He shows how he feels through his actions. Yup, I agree. 

So he’s “home” getting ready. At Mykelti’s. OK. Has no idea what time to show up for the ceremony so thank god for the “bro” who actually has a sense of responsibility. 

I am only just watching this now. Have just weathered the Great Ponytail Debate. Why the HELL do I watch this 

[VedaPierce]

3 hours ago, AllyCat said:

Yikes, Christine.  Worse than I expected. 

Oh, the humanity! 

Equivilant to Elaine Bennis dancing

[VedaPierce]

2 hours ago, Chicklet said:

The pinatas looked better than the bride and groom, that's the word on the street.

LMFAO!!!

[Starsandbucks]

Lord almighty I don’t remember ever disliking someone on reality TV as much as I dislike Tony. I mean, I like Meri more than I like Tony! Not telling his wife her hair looked perfect and beautiful and ethereal on her wedding day was totally jerky. And though he didn’t smash the cake in Mykelti’s face (wow, that’s a high bar the family has set for him), he was still a total ass. Took over the whole moment and cut the cake HIMSLEF and then cuts a chunk of the Tres Leches? What is wrong with him???? Then he practically dislocates poor Mykelti’s shoulder by flinging her around the dance floor. Yes, Christine that’s a true pleasure to watch. That’s not how a man leads a woman in partner dancing. That’s how an attention hog with no respect for his partner potentially injures someone. Ugh, he’s the worst. 

I’m giving up snarking for Lent so I have to get this all out of my system while I still can. I’ll still be reading but I won’t be able to post. It’s going to be really hard if there are any more Tony-centric episodes!

Edited February 12, 2018 by Starsandbucks
Typo

[Wings]

On 2/11/2018 at 10:44 PM, VedaPierce said:

Overcompensating with the compliments. Deep down she hates FT like the rest of us.

 

She is horrified.  All of them are to different degrees.  When the cameras are off they can be honest with each other. 

Edited February 13, 2018 by Wings

[HahYallDoin]

Did anyone notice Kody, not so subtly, give Christine a sharp nudge on the arm when they were recapping the forgotten shirt snafu? He gave her a good sized nudge and cut his eyes at her. I watched it 4 or 5 times to confirm. Made me wonder what the truth is about the situation. 

 

Fat Tony is a fat f*cker who is mentally ill. No joke, he reminds me so much of my former BIL, who is bipolar and an all around inept ass. They are cut from the same cloth. Mykelti is an immature, selfish, demanding young woman but she may self correct as the years go by. The same, imo, cannot be said for the fat f*ucker! 

 

Honestly, Christine sounded like a wounded cow(not in size!) and I felt intense second hand mortification. Of course the fat f*ucker talked throughout it, not paying a bit of attention to his MIL. Maybe he was trying to get a couple of 'bromen' to make a run for the border(Taco Bell) and grab a few party packs of tacos for him. They wouldn't be the holy grail, street tacos, but they'd fill a hole. Ugh, I can't stand that moron. 

[bichonblitz]

18 minutes ago, Starsandbucks said:

Took over the whole moment and cut the cake HIMSLEF and then cuts a chunk of the Tres Leches? What is wrong with him????

Worse than that. He stuck his fork in the pretty Tres Leches cake and dug himself out a chunk and shoved it in his mouth! He's an animal. 

[Tabbygirl521]

God help me, I am liking Kody. He pretty much rolled his eyes and said “Nice shoes” when he saw Tony & the Bros. And he was lovely to Christine and Mykelti about their appearance. He said the things to M that Tony should have said. He moved her to tears. Her groom should have done so. 

[Annymin]

Long time lurker, signed up after this episode to comment.  For now, does Christine remind anyone of Florence Foster Jenkins with her shrieking....er, singing?  She has been so wound up and loud the last few seasons that it seems as though she is on some sort of speed.  She is exhausting.

[LotusFlower]

3 hours ago, toodles said:

The wedding was just magnanimous-™Fat Tony

And very dubious.

[Gothish520]

Christine looked fantastic. Kody looked good, but should've gone with the ponytail. 

I would've been inside watching from the warmth of the venue, forget that outdoor nonsense.

The wedding party looked great, and I really liked the color scheme. I thought the bouquets were not so bad - but definitely not worth all the time and effort put into them. 

One thing I agree with Tony about - I wanted people to be dancing and having a blast at my wedding. I chose the music, and the dancefloor was hopping - and that's pretty much where I was all night. Luckily, ours was bigger, and indoors!

And speaking of dancing, I have to say I love how Kody and other family members just let loose and have fun - I'd be right there with them. 

I didn't think Christine sounded all that bad, but I was prepared. You can see she was nervous and embarassed, but she did it for her daughter. Props to her for having the guts.

[Delete]

Fat Tony was doing his one man show during the entire wedding. Bro, you’re not funny. You are rude, dude.

Also, Tony just had to get his snout into the other cake using the fork he already ate from. Gross.

I was disappointed Mykbossi didn’t wear Janelle’s gift standing  in the cold. I thought it was perfectly vintage, and quite gorgeous. Of course, it’s mainly to quiet down  FT who seemed to find it hilarious to scream  “boobs” like a stupid 7th grader during recess. 

Christine’s attempt at singing shattered plenty of eardrums and water glasses. Oh woman, you’re so right when you said you’re not a sinKger

Kody  dances like a total spazz.

I get why Kody wanted to protect Robyn’s kids from the cold because they were sick , but it wasn’t ok for Truely freeze her butt off outside either. It’s not like she’s never had a life threatening illness before where she almost died. *cough kidney shutdown *heat stroke* kody’s watch* cough. 

Edited February 12, 2018 by Ravenna

[Delete]

7 hours ago, Armchair Critic said:

He has the mentality for it, he thinks everybody should do what he wants and I could see him laying there having Mykelti wait on him

There is no way in hell that Mykelti is gonna wipe his ass or attend to his bed sores if he enters the  600lb territory.

Edited February 12, 2018 by Ravenna

[seasons]

6 hours ago, trimthatfat said:

I would love to know what Tony's family really thought of the whole wedding.

Why does it look like people are getting their tacos while Kody is doing his toast? Lol.

Here's what they thought:

 

Edited February 12, 2018 by seasons
lol.

[zenme]

Tony looked so uncomfortable. 

Mykelti's hair color looked terrible at the wedding. 

I cant believe those two selfishly had people sit outside in the windy cold! And then after that, they had to be subjected to Christine's singing! The Browns are lucky there was no alcohol served because I guarantee a little alcohol, plus that singing, would have had some people cracking up.

[Granny58]

1.  OK, I get it...you want an outdoor wedding...in December.   Then why wouldn't you select a wedding gown appropriate for that?   In 20 years she'll look back at her photos and realize out silly it looks to have a sleeveless gown in winter.

2.  Kody looks 1000x better with his hair under control.  Kody, please cut your hair.

3.  Mykelti definitely looks pregnant.

4.  Laughed at the family picture moment when they showed Mariah smiling happily and the very nanosecond the photo was taken she returned to her resting bitch face.

5.  Christine:  "Tony is such a fantastic dancer.  I could barely follow him."  Tony is a doofus dancer and a truly graceful partner would make it easier for you to follow him.   Kody was actually a better dance with Christine.  

6.  I don't understand why everybody kept going out of their way to praise Tony as though he were the Second Coming of Jesus!  He was right about everything, he was gallant, he could dance like nobody's business, etc., etc.  

Edited February 12, 2018 by Granny58

[Granny58]

7 hours ago, Oldernowiser said:

Wow, patronizing much? So many stereotypes, so few brain cells...

I don't see any stereotyping here.  What do you mean?  What am I missing?

[Granny58]

5 hours ago, Morgalisa said:

The way FT was digging into that cake, slinging Mykelti around the dance floor, beating her in effigy, and wanting to stuff cake in her face, I dont have high hopes for the wedding night. Just sayin. Poor Mykelti.

I got the impression that the "wedding night" had already happened.  

[ginger90]

 

 

[ThinkerBell]

6 hours ago, VedaPierce said:

The image of them wailing on the piñata in mykelty's effigy as it hung from the ceiling was beyond. Disturbing. I don't care how hard Kody fake-laughs while describing it....it was in horrible taste and grisly. There are so many women beaten and killed by their husbands, that if I saw that at my baby girls' wedding, I think I would find it appalling and unforgivable. It was gross. They are idiots.

Couldn't agree more. There were a lot of taste lapses throughout that wedding, but the beating on the bride while the groom and guests guffawed was absolutely disgusting. Mykelti and FT wanted a self-centred spectacle rather than a meaningful ceremony. They in no way have the maturity to sustain an adult relationship, let alone a marriage.

Edited February 12, 2018 by ThinkerBell

[VedaPierce]

7 hours ago, riverblue22 said:

Tony looked so, so bad in his sloppy outfit.  The "brosmen" were better dressed in nice gray slacks.  It's a shame because he would have looked so much better in a tux or a nice three-piece suit.  Those pictures are forever.  Yuck!  The bridesmaid's dresses were nice.

The family knows how obstinate and difficult Mykelti is to deal with.  I'm sure Kody is glad just to hand her off to someone else.

I wonder if Mykelty had as much of a say in FT's attire, as he did in her dress and hair. Something tells me he steamrolled right over her. I can hear him saying, "nope! This is what I'm wearing, this is what I've always wanted!"

[MrSmith]

Wow! I have made it through the first page of comments in this thread and it sounds like this episode is MUST-SEE TV. Guess I'll be getting the wife to put off viewing until I can watch with her. Damn it, too! All I really want to do is turn Netflix on and go back to Murder Maps! *shakes a tiny fist*

[trimthatfat]

4 hours ago, Ravenna said:

 

I get why Kody wanted to protect Robyn’s kids from the cold because they were sick , but it wasn’t ok for Truely freeze her butt off outside either. It’s not like she’s never had a life threatening illness before where she almost died. *cough kidney shutdown *heat stroke* kody’s watch* cough. 

 

I think the difference is that neither Robyn nor Kody wanted the kids out. Christine was fine with Truely being out in the cold which really disappointed me. She should have put her foot down with Kody, but she was just as hard headed as Mykelti at that point.

Edited February 12, 2018 by trimthatfat

[gardendiva]

Even though the wedding planner for this shitfest probably felt like she went through hell and back dealing with these idiots, her professional and capable demeanor on the show will probably attract lots of new clients. At least I hope so. There has to be something positive that resulted from this tacky spectacle.

[SL16]

Kody is looking more and more like a mad scientist. Are we sure he isn't doing strange experiments in Meri's empty house?

[trimthatfat]

I'm not surprised Mykelti didn't wear the wrap. I think she should have at least had someone in the front row hold it so she could wear it for part of the ceremony. It was a lovely gift. I think it was kind of rude that she didn't make any effort to wear it at all (from what we saw) when it did fit the vintage theme.

[ghoulina]

Well, if anything, this episode just validated my decision to go to the justice of the peace and not throw a big wedding. Just watching gave me anxiety! 

Speaking of "big", though....where were the 400 guests? I saw lots of empty chairs. 

And I love how Mykelti was all, "I'm cool, I'm chill, no freaking out here" - and then Christine forgets Kody's shirt and they can't get married on the dot of 3 (how many weddings start exactly on time? ) so she starts getting all bratty. "Line up, people. Right now. I don't care if my dad's here. I'll march myself down that aisle!" 

I just still can't believe she forced everyone to sit out in that frigid weather. I noticed the sun came out, so that was nice. But still. You've got pregnant women and sick children suffering in below freezing weather, when you factor in the wind. Such entitled, little brats. I was glad Kody put his foot down about sending the kids back out for pictures. 

Oh, but now Tony is "such an amazing person" because he did what any other person would do, and offered the girl turning blue before him a jacket? Bar is real low with these people. 

This is a wedding I'd show up late for, and just hit the reception. The ceremony was so awkward anyway. The Frisbee analogies were just cringe worthy. And Tony kept side busting the officiant's comments! He always has to be the center of attention. 

And, I'm sorry, but I really hated her wedding colors. And those flowers. The burgundy was so dark it sometimes looked brown! In that garland she was stringing, it looked like mud. So ugly. 

One of those makeup artists looked exactly like Baby Jane. Do your own, Truely! 

Christine's singing was somehow the worst it's ever been. Mykelti looked like she was smelling a fart the entire time she was listening. I don't care what anyone says, I think she was trolling her mom with that request. 

I'm glad Tony honored Mykelti's wishes and didn't smash cake in her face, but then he went and ruined it by greedily and carelessly just digging into the guest cakes! 

The pinata thing was as uncomfortable as I knew it would be....until Garrison ended Tony's. That was awesome! 

 

Y'all, somehow I missed the Frisbee toss! Maybe it happened when my boys were getting back from Tae Kwon Do? Argh. Anyone capture it????

[gardendiva]

I tried to just quote Christine’s tweet in the post above but couldn’t do it, so just know that her tweet is what I am referring to when I say, “Christine honey, we have all heard you sing this song multiple times on different episodes and you never sounded great. Don’t fret about the song we didn’t get to hear you sing. I am sure that to the rest of us both versions were equally bad. But you looked beautiful, so there’s that, right?”

[Chicklet]

Grifters gotta grift missed this opportunity. They should have contacted the company and explained their wedding idea and could have maybe gotten a few freebees. I'm shocked they didn't think of this.

Tossing the Frisbees was the least obnoxious thing they did during this shitfest. And that's saying a lot.

[ghoulina]

9 hours ago, kicotan said:

Indeed!!!  I thought that was a GREAT idea on Janelle's part.

Im really baffled as to why, for multiple reasons, her multiple moms, dad, fiancée, upbringing, siblings wouldn't have encouraged her to do a more modest/winter themed gown.  

Have you watched Mykelti? There is no encouraging her. She does what she wants, opinions be dammed. Look at how hard Kody had to fight to get some pictures inside so the sick babies didn't have to go back out in the chill. And I imagine HE carries more sway than the moms. 

 

9 hours ago, Sandy W said:

It looked more like 200 guests to me...and yet, they ran out of tacos...does that mean the guests, including small children averaged 20 tacos per person.

Tony probably ate 50 of them himself. 

[riverblue22]

Robin should have dredged up a sitter for that sick baby.  No excuse for dragging her to the crapfest!

[Sandy W]

56 minutes ago, trimthatfat said:

I'm not surprised Mykelti didn't wear the wrap. I think she should have at least had someone in the front row hold it so she could wear it for part of the ceremony. It was a lovely gift. I think it was kind of rude that she didn't make any effort to wear it at all (from what we saw) when it did fit the vintage theme.

You could see the look in her eye from the moment Janelle presented the choice of wraps that Mykelti wasn't going to wear either one.  I think they had the "Tony tenderly protects his bride with jacket" planned in advance to make FT appear endearing.

Janelle surprised me with her taste and thoughtfulness with the gift, I only wish she had learned that it was a capelet, not a caplet, which is something one would take for a fever. 

[kicotan]

Just now, Sandy W said:

Janelle surprised me with her taste and thoughtfulness with the gift, I only wish she had learned that it was a capelet, not a caplet, which is something one would take for a fever. 

Mykelti called it a pashmina.  I just can't with these people.

[ghoulina]

3 hours ago, Granny58 said:

I got the impression that the "wedding night" had already happened.  

100%  When asked what would be the biggest difference in being married, Mykelti's first thought was, "calling him husband." You'd think moving in would be the biggest difference. They were already living together. 

 

1 hour ago, trimthatfat said:

I think the difference is that neither Robyn nor Kody wanted the kids out. Christine was fine with Truely being out in the cold which really disappointed me. She should have put her foot down with Kody, but she was just as hard headed as Mykelti at that point.

All kids are different. My boys run really hot and I can't really get them to wear a winter coat unless it's in single digits. They run around in hoodies and they're fine. Truly appeared to be having fun and was playing around out there, not shivering or complaining. I don't have a problem with it.

[MV713]

some random thoughts

1. Wow Mykelti's apartment is a mess.

2. Is Tony really wearing grey jeans that don't fit and look like they are falling down to his wedding?  And burgundy Vans?

3. Omg that huge belly hanging over the jeans - yes please put the jacket on!

4. Why does this entire family need serious eyebrow help?  

5. Its freaking cold, no way would I have gone outside for the ceremony.

6. What color was that maid of honor dress?  Old lady silver?  Looked horrible and washed out.

7. Meri put a special shade of orange tan on her face for the wedding.  They had makeup artists there, why could no one help her?

8.  The reception seemed over crowded- a fire hazard!

9. Kody's hair is getting worse every year.  I notice in the flashback to Robin's wedding how much better it looked.

10. Janelle should never wear capri's and those slide on shoes again.

11. Tony digging into the cake with a fork was the grosses thing I have seen in a long time.

12.  Christine, never sink again at anyone's weddink - even if it hurts their fillinks.

13Looking forward to the cat fighting Janelle and Meri next week!

Edited February 12, 2018 by MV713
forgot something

[lookeyloo]

Now I can't decide if I should watch or just leave it at enjoying everyone's "observations".  And now it is over a year later.  They are still married?  Or has Mykelti slithered back into Christine's house?  Shall we take bets on how long this wedded bliss will last?

[Libby]

Robyn could have had someone else stay inside with the baby during the ceremony.

Nope, she wanted to make sure that the camera caught her being a selfless sister mom falling on her sword for Mykelti. If she had to use her sick baby to make sure that the audience caught her martyr act, so be it. Typical manipulative, sneaky, Robyn.

[tabloidlover]

9 hours ago, bichonblitz said:

If all that is any indication of how Tony is in the bedroom, then yeah, he must be some rough rider! I agree, Poor Mykelti!!

 

9 hours ago, For Cereals said:

Just threw up a little in my mouth...bad imagery of being poked and prodded in terrible ways...him giggling BEWBS!

 

4 hours ago, Granny58 said:

I got the impression that the "wedding night" had already happened.  

They weren't virgins on their wedding night.   I'm convinced that they were already living together at  "Mykelti's" apartment.   

 

@Sandy W is right, they definitely planned for Fat Fuck Tony to give her his jacket.   One more effort to get the family how caring he is.   Excuse me while I try to get my eyes unstuck from the back of my head.

[gardendiva]

Mykelti’s ridiculously labor intensive bouquets symbolize a lot about her. The creation of them highlighted her rather selfish lack of appreciation for other people’s time, and her magnanimous statement to the bridesmaids that the bouquets were theirs to keep showed a deep disconnect between reality and what she believed others should feel about any memento from this tacky shitstorm. She really thought people would put those ugly things in a place of prominence to remind them of the day Mykelti and Tony were joined in holy union. She is delusional.

[Tabbygirl521]

10 hours ago, Janc said:

So did Tony dig into every cake with his fork to try them all out. Omg

You white people just don’t get it

[Gothish520]

11 hours ago, ThinkerBell said:

That's probably what he was going for. That 'dance' was was one of the more embarrassing 'Hey, look at me!" moments of that wedding . . . and there were many.

To be fair,  if you can't say "Hey, look at me!" at your own darn wedding, when can you?

[DakotaJustice]

There definitely was nowhere close to 4,000 tacos or 400 people there. 

I maintain my personal opinion that TLC or the producers gave the Browns a fixed budget  for the wedding and anything over that had to come out of the Browns' pockets. 

I doubt the venue was free. Why would they care about national advertising? Who is going to travel to St George as a wedding destination? 

I think after paying for the venue, the dress, travel expenses etc etc they had to cut costs somewhere and one of the places that got cut was the food budget. So fewer tacos for all. 

NOT impressed with the chess cakes either. They looked like regular round cakes with big plastic chess pieces set on top. 

Clusterfuck of the year so far imo. 

[3girlsforus]

16 hours ago, ginger90 said:

Um no. FT and Mykelti’s big day was so long ago they aren’t even considered newlyweds anymore. 

[winsomeone]

Aspyn was just huge at the wedding. Yet when she announced her engagement not so long ago, she looked thin? I hate the time line on this show..is she thin now, or was she thin a year ago. Is she married already maybe?

[Kyanight]

9 hours ago, Tabbygirl521 said:

Oh god. Tony isn’t verbal. He shows how he feels through his actions. Yup, I agree. 

So he’s “home” getting ready. At Mykelti’s. OK. Has no idea what time to show up for the ceremony so thank god for the “bro” who actually has a sense of responsibility. 

I am only just watching this now. Have just weathered the Great Ponytail Debate. Why the HELL do I watch this 

You watch it so that you can come talk with us about it on the boards! : )

[Kyanight]

2 hours ago, ghoulina said:

Christine's singing was somehow the worst it's ever been. Mykelti looked like she was smelling a fart the entire time she was listening. I don't care what anyone says, I think she was trolling her mom with that request. 

I thought the EXACT same thing last night!  There is no WAY that Mykelti thinks her mother could be a professional singer.  That was truly awful!

2 hours ago, ghoulina said:

Y'all, somehow I missed the Frisbee toss! Maybe it happened when my boys were getting back from Tae Kwon Do? Argh. Anyone capture it????

OK - ya'all can stone me but.... I was waiting for the frisbees to bean everybody and be awful and you know what.... LOLOL ..... I actually thought it was kind of fun and cute.  So sue me.    BUT - I would NOT have ever done that at my wedding.... however if someone ELSE wants to do it at their wedding... hey, I will be tossing the frisbee AT the couple!   :D    (I mean, how bad can it really hurt?  Their bodies were already numb from the cold anyway!

Edited February 12, 2018 by Kyanight

[toodles]

1 hour ago, kicotan said:

Mykelti called it a pashmina.  I just can't with these people.

And she was going to be a fashion designer.  Even I knew that wasn't a pashmina and I have no fashion sense whatsoever.

[Kyanight]

48 minutes ago, tabloidlover said:

 

 

They weren't virgins on their wedding night.   I'm convinced that they were already living together at  "Mykelti's" apartment.   

 

@Sandy W is right, they definitely planned for Fat Fuck Tony to give her his jacket.   One more effort to get the family how caring he is.   Excuse me while I try to get my eyes unstuck from the back of my head.

Totally agree.   The viewers are NOT impressed with Tony (I said that nicely) and since he's a constant insensitive slob  ("I won't cry when I see my bride",  "You wore your hair up" (nothing really nice to say other than she looked "Fine"), etc. etc. they had to think up something that would "endear" him to the viewers.  Didn't work with me.  It's a little obvious when Mykelti had a beautiful wrap that was given to her and she refused to wear it in arctic weather, that this was a set-up.

[littlemommy]

I agree the “Tony gives his suit jacket” was pre-planned. Jennelle gave her not one, but TWO, lovely wraps far more appropriate, and Mykelti gave them a serious “nope” eye. She never thought they were real fur—when’s the last time anyone saw a real fur coat? Honestly. Mykelti gave them a stank face because she was NOT going to wear them. She was going to wear Tony’s sweaty suit jacket.

 

Forget Mykelti’s hair...what’s up with Tony’s hair? In the talking heads his curls are tighter and look lovely (disclaimer: I love curly hair on guys more than anything). But at the wedding....what? What the hell??? His hair was too long and looked sloppy, and it also looked as if someone started to straighten it and then just changed their mind and walked away. 

[neh]

13 hours ago, Kyanight said:

That's generous.  I saw a LOT of empty chairs!   It looks like 60 people - max.

The rest of the guests were inside, looking out the windows.

13 hours ago, LucyEth said:

OMG enough already especially from Christine, she acts like they are the first couple to get married and they have something no other married couple has, she is being ridiculous.

Christine is obviously overcompensating.  I bet that Christine will be very different at Aspyn's wedding.