The Lonely Js Club: James, Jackson & Johannah

[leighdear]

Jana, as an adult can go drive somewhere to get privacy.  She could get it in the ladies room of Chik-fil-A if she needed to.  The littles only have places in & around the TTH to find privacy.  But as Jill pointed out back then, there are closets, other rooms and outside areas. 

I simply cannot believe that not a single person living in that house EVER has privacy of any kind, at any time, regardless of their age.  There are only 11 people in that house now, including Michelle, Jim Bob and Tyler.  There are places for privacy.  But most of them were raised without much, so they don't really get it until they marry.  I don't buy them all being watched all the time.  

However, I think Jana's got exactly the deal she wants.  And I think she can pretty much do what she pleases.  I think her parents trust her completely.  YMMV. 

Edited February 3, 2019 by leighdear

[charmed1]

Maybe Jana was offered some windowless converted closet as a bedroom and decided that her current quarters worked better.

[Christina87]

On 2/3/2019 at 11:50 AM, leighdear said:

Jana, as an adult can go drive somewhere to get privacy.  She could get it in the ladies room of Chik-fil-A if she needed to.  The littles only have places in & around the TTH to find privacy.  But as Jill pointed out back then, there are closets, other rooms and outside areas. 

I simply cannot believe that not a single person living in that house EVER has privacy of any kind, at any time, regardless of their age.  There are only 11 people in that house now, including Michelle, Jim Bob and Tyler.  There are places for privacy.  But most of them were raised without much, so they don't really get it until they marry.  I don't buy them all being watched all the time.  

However, I think Jana's got exactly the deal she wants.  And I think she can pretty much do what she pleases.  I think her parents trust her completely.  YMMV. 

I wonder if jana just has no concept of being alone. It's like when you go on a trip to the beach with your boyfriend or BFF, and you're together all the time for a week. Then, suddenly, you go home, and it feels like that person should still be attached to your hip. It's really strange at first, but then you get back to your usual life. If jana has NEVER been alone, ever, it might feel really unnatural to her. If she tried another bedroom, she might have hated it and fled  in the first hour. We all saw how Jill did alone all day for the first time!

[DangerousMinds]

On 2/3/2019 at 4:54 PM, charmed1 said:

Maybe Jana was offered some windowless converted closet as a bedroom and decided that her current quarters worked better.

I'd much rather choose a small closet as long as it had a door I could close for some privacy. I don't know how she exists without it.

[Churchhoney]

1 hour ago, Christina87 said:

I wonder if jana just has no concept of being alone. It's like when you go on a trip to the beach with your boyfriend or BFF, and you're together all the time for a week. Then, suddenly, you go home, and it feels like that person should still be attached to your hip. It's really strange at first, but then you get back to your usual life. If jana has NEVER been alone, ever, it might feel really unnatural to her. If she tried another bedroom, she might have hated it and fled  in the first hour. We all saw how Jill did alone all day for the first time!

Exactly. 

I hated the fact that my relatives were all around me when I was at home, staring at me all the time, never letting me be in a room alone. 

Then when I first moved away, I had roommates and I followed them around constantly, like a sick dog. I didn't realize I was doing it. Hadn't a clue. Not a fucking clue.  I was glued to those girls, and it's not that I wanted to be their best friends or whatever. I was just robotically programmed to never be out of sight of the people I was living with. 

Several months in I overheard one of them bitterly complaining about it in a phone call to her mother or somebody....can't  remember just who. And that was the first time I even realized that I'd been doing that. 

I felt like a complete ass. And since I already felt like nothing, that felt really bad. I knew I wanted to stop doing it. But it turned out to be a long-term process of making a specific, difficult effort to think about it all the time. I realize that probably seems hard to believe. But that's how you normalize something that's constant in your environment. You normalize it until you don't even realize it's there. 

This is what drives me nuts talking about the Duggars.

I don't think people who are closer to average/normal than they are have a single clue how nuts life can be when you're in such a fringe-y situation. The craziness and damage it can create is constantly trivialized. People don't even believe it can happen and loudly proclaim that, no, they're making a conscious choice to do this, that or the other thing...that they certainly have the same range of free will as somebody who wasn't born into a brainwashing environment.

But it's highly highly likely that they aren't making conscious choices about most of it. I certainly wasn't. When I look back I see a ton of times when I was like a hypnotized person clucking like a chicken and having no idea that I was doing it.

That's my real-life experience, and I can't imagine that the Duggarlings' is much different, given the constricted, nutso environment they've been isolated in for their whole lives. And you can say all you want about them traveling for the TeeVee show and such and how that means that they've actually had all this experience and they're just choosing to turn their backs on that. But they traveled as part of the Jim Bob and M slime mold, and while in a hypnotized state. They didn't actually see anything in that state. Been there. Done that. 

Edited February 5, 2019 by Churchhoney

[Christina87]

25 minutes ago, Churchhoney said:

Exactly. 

I hated the fact that my relatives were all around me when I was at home, staring at me all the time, never letting me be in a room alone. 

Then when I first moved away, I had roommates and I followed them around constantly, like a sick dog. I didn't realize I was doing it. Hadn't a clue. Not a fucking clue.  I was glued to those girls, and it's not that I wanted to be their best friends or whatever. I was just robotically programmed to never be out of sight of the people I was living with. 

Several months in I overheard one of them bitterly complaining about it in a phone call to her mother or somebody....can't  remember just who. And that was the first time I even realized that I'd been doing that. 

I felt like a complete ass. And since I already felt like nothing, that felt really bad. I knew I wanted to stop doing it. But it turned out to be a long-term process of making a specific, difficult effort to think about it all the time. I realize that probably seems hard to believe. But that's how you normalize something that's constant in your environment. You normalize it until you don't even realize it's there. 

This is what drives me nuts talking about the Duggars.

I don't think people who are closer to average/normal than they are have a single clue how nuts life can be when you're in such a fringe-y situation. The craziness and damage it can create is constantly trivialized. People don't even believe it can happen and loudly proclaim that, no, they're making a conscious choice to do this, that or the other thing...that they certainly have the same range of free will as somebody who wasn't born into a brainwashing environment.

But it's highly highly likely that they aren't making conscious choices about most of it. I certainly wasn't. When I look back I see a ton of times when I was like a hypnotized person clucking like a chicken and having no idea that I was doing it.

That's my real-life experience, and I can't imagine that the Duggarlings' is much different, given the constricted, nutso environment they've been isolated in for their whole lives. And you can say all you want about them traveling for the TeeVee show and such and how that means that they've actually had all this experience and they're just choosing to turn their backs on that. But they traveled as part of the Jim Bob and M slime mold, and while in a hypnotized state. They didn't actually see anything in that state. Been there. Done that. 

Awwwww @Churchhoney!!! That made me sooooo sad for you!!! It sucks to overhear someone talking crap about you. I had a college roommate who did that, but girl was insane. She saw a tiny dot of mascara in the sink, and cleaned it with my toothbrush! She also left a note on my door saying that the knife I'd left in the sink (which I'd used to cut cheese; it was hardly nasty, but not worth washing until I had something else to wash too) was preventing her from cooking. She would always call her parents and complain about me, but I didn't care, because she was nuts. It made me feel awful, though, when a good friend of mine texted my ex and said, "I've learned that I've got to watch what I say around Christina87," and being the abusive asshole he was, he took great delight in reading me that text. I WAS pretty gossipy in college, and I told people things that I am pretty much ashamed of now, but I just hadn't matured enough yet to grow a filter. Everything was always dramatic, filled with "end of the world" urgency, and I always had to talk everything over with everyone. I couldn't even think of a time I'd blabbed anything I shouldn't about this guy, so it made me feel terrible. What was he basing this on? But it did really make me think about my actions, even if my ex's intent behind sharing the text was despicable. It just always hurts to hear people talking about you, and I can't imagine what it was like over something you thought was normal! At least you were trying to make friends, though. That's something most of the duggars will never do!

[Churchhoney]

1 hour ago, Christina87 said:

Awwwww @Churchhoney!!! That made me sooooo sad for you!!! It sucks to overhear someone talking crap about you. I had a college roommate who did that, but girl was insane. She saw a tiny dot of mascara in the sink, and cleaned it with my toothbrush! She also left a note on my door saying that the knife I'd left in the sink (which I'd used to cut cheese; it was hardly nasty, but not worth washing until I had something else to wash too) was preventing her from cooking. She would always call her parents and complain about me, but I didn't care, because she was nuts. It made me feel awful, though, when a good friend of mine texted my ex and said, "I've learned that I've got to watch what I say around Christina87," and being the abusive asshole he was, he took great delight in reading me that text. I WAS pretty gossipy in college, and I told people things that I am pretty much ashamed of now, but I just hadn't matured enough yet to grow a filter. Everything was always dramatic, filled with "end of the world" urgency, and I always had to talk everything over with everyone. I couldn't even think of a time I'd blabbed anything I shouldn't about this guy, so it made me feel terrible. What was he basing this on? But it did really make me think about my actions, even if my ex's intent behind sharing the text was despicable. It just always hurts to hear people talking about you, and I can't imagine what it was like over something you thought was normal! At least you were trying to make friends, though. That's something most of the duggars will never do!

Thanks, @Christina87... It was definitely a nasty shock. I was still glad I'd heard it, though, because I definitely did not want to be doing what I was doing. So overhearing her did me a big favor in the long run!

And, yep, that was some great roomie you had there. Yikes! 

Edited February 6, 2019 by Churchhoney

[JoanArc]

Laura Is Gone

Poor Jana, her friend is gone - and to a job, no less? I guess now the kids won't get any education at all.

[Churchhoney]

7 minutes ago, JoanArc said:

Laura Is Gone

Poor Jana, her friend is gone - and to a job, no less? I guess now the kids won't get any education at all.

Education, schmeducation.

[Scarlett45]

24 minutes ago, JoanArc said:

Laura Is Gone

Poor Jana, her friend is gone - and to a job, no less? I guess now the kids won't get any education at all.

I’m sorry Jana has lost her primary companion (I never assumed they were a couple) but people do move away. It’s 2019- if they were actually friends they will keep in touch just fine. 

[Barb23]

14 hours ago, JoanArc said:

Laura Is Gone

Poor Jana, her friend is gone - and to a job, no less? I guess now the kids won't get any education at all.

Isn't this old news? We were discussing this a while back. I guess Radar is desperate for a story. 

[Lunera]

They took this Valentines idea from the Bates. 

I don't agree with Jana, I think actions speak louder than words, although some people need to hear the words to feel loved. I don't think she gets the meaning of the phrase, since she thinks "actions" means buying a person material things. I guess she's never had a person do a good deed to express any type of appreciation for her. I wonder if she even believes the words 'I love you' when they come out of Michelle's creepy eyed face.

I wonder who picked Smugs...

[Bayarea4]

I suspect that the words "someone you love (or need to love)" is a reference to Josh.

[Marshmallow Mollie]

1 hour ago, Lunera said:

They took this Valentines idea from the Bates. 

I don't agree with Jana, I think actions speak louder than words, although some people need to hear the words to feel loved. I don't think she gets the meaning of the phrase, since she thinks "actions" means buying a person material things. I guess she's never had a person do a good deed to express any type of appreciation for her. I wonder if she even believes the words 'I love you' when they come out of Michelle's creepy eyed face.

I wonder who picked Smugs...

Jana, your isolation is showing. She has this completely backwards, right? It’s ridiculously easy to say, “I love you.” I say it to my kids and husband a hundred times a day. It’s a lot harder to stop what I am doing and play Paw Patrol (I like to be Rubble 😉 ). Or, after the kids go to bed, it’s a lot harder to not sit on my phone or watch Netflix and instead give my husband my undivided attention. Are the “I love yous” not overflowing in their house, or is she jumping to conclusions on what the outside world is like or some combination? I totally agree with @Lunerathat she doesn’t even understand what she is saying.

[Madtown]

1 hour ago, Bayarea4 said:

I suspect that the words "someone you love (or need to love)" is a reference to Josh.

I was going to say that I feel sorry for anyone who had Josh...Hopefully it was Anna, the only one that could say anything "nice" about him..

[lulu69]

Stupid question, but why do they need a microphone to speak to a loved one? Are there that many more people present than usual? I don't think they usually use a microphone to speak, do they?

[Churchhoney]

15 minutes ago, Marshmallow Mollie said:

Jana, your isolation is showing. She has this completely backwards, right? It’s ridiculously easy to say, “I love you.” I say it to my kids and husband a hundred times a day. It’s a lot harder to stop what I am doing and play Paw Patrol (I like to be Rubble 😉 ). Or, after the kids go to bed, it’s a lot harder to not sit on my phone or watch Netflix and instead give my husband my undivided attention. Are the “I love yous” not overflowing in their house, or is she jumping to conclusions on what the outside world is like or some combination? I totally agree with @Lunerathat she doesn’t even understand what she is saying.

She may be jumping to conclusions but I think you're jumping to conclusions, too.

Some people find it next to impossible to say something like "I love you" and virtually never do say it..... And that includes both people who don't ACT in a loving way either AND people who are very generous, giving and loving. ...

My house, for example, is one of the latter. I don't say the damn words but I'm generous as heck with giving my time and attention to people in my life, both my immediate family and others close to me like good friends as well.

Luckily for me, the people who've become my family in my adult life tend to have the same problem with inability to utter loving words. .... I do sometimes wonder whether we should get therapy and get over this. But while nobody in my household says "I love you," we do make a lot of time for each other and listen to each other intently. I find putting down a book or a chore to play a kids' game or staying up past 1 am to listen to a loved one muse or rant quite easy compared to getting words like "I love you" out of my mouth. I realize that probably sounds absurd to somebody who's the opposite, but I know I'm not the only person like this, either!

Edited February 12, 2019 by Churchhoney

[jennblevins]

42 minutes ago, Madtown said:

I was going to say that I feel sorry for anyone who had Josh...Hopefully it was Anna, the only one that could say anything "nice" about him..

At least they have a set of stock phrases they can use — just borrow some from all the birthday messages. Servant’s heart (won’t say who he’s serving), love for the Lord (just not actions that would follow), doting father (iffy husband), and so on. Doesn’t have to mean anything, just has to sound good. 

[BitterApple]

I understand what Jana was trying to say, but the unnecessarily long caption reads like the ramblings of a lonely, isolated woman. It's almost like she's imploring her family to recognize and say a kind word to her for a change. For as much as the Duggars praise Jana's attributes on camera, I don't think that translates over into real life. 

[Churchhoney]

1 minute ago, BitterApple said:

I understand what Jana was trying to say, but the unnecessarily long caption reads like the ramblings of a lonely, isolated woman. It's almost like she's imploring her family to recognize and say a kind word to her for a change. For as much as the Duggars praise Jana's attributes on camera, I don't think that translates over into real life. 

Exactly. She IS a lonely, isolated woman. Her parents raised isolated people on purpose! 

[PikaScrewChu]

2 hours ago, Lunera said:

They took this Valentines idea from the Bates. 

I don't agree with Jana, I think actions speak louder than words, although some people need to hear the words to feel loved. I don't think she gets the meaning of the phrase, since she thinks "actions" means buying a person material things. I guess she's never had a person do a good deed to express any type of appreciation for her. I wonder if she even believes the words 'I love you' when they come out of Michelle's creepy eyed face.

I wonder who picked Smugs...

Keep working that influencer angle Jana.

This seems like something I would see on one of those positive affirmation blogs. Then they would try and sell me a cruelty-free yoga mat in the next post. Swipe up!!!

[GeeGolly]

There is a lot in between saying I love you and showing loving actions. I think she was more referring to pointing out specific qualities about an individual. But as y'all have mentioned, why in a group, why with microphones and why only as a planned event?

I do the trifecta, I say I love you and I'm gracious and generous with my time and words. But I'll also call you an asshole when you are one. So there's that.

[Churchhoney]

31 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

There is a lot in between saying I love you and showing loving actions. I think she was more referring to pointing out specific qualities about an individual. But as y'all have mentioned, why in a group, why with microphones and why only as a planned event?

I do the trifecta, I say I love you and I'm gracious and generous with my time and words. But I'll also call you an asshole when you are one. So there's that.

Because this is the way they do absolutely everything because JB and M deliberately created a house full of people who don't know any other way to be except a) unthinkingly false false false and b) exhibitionist as hell all over whatever media is around -- even if the media is their own stupid microphones? 

Get these people off the damn tv. 

Edited February 13, 2019 by Churchhoney

[Churchhoney]

32 minutes ago, PikaScrewChu said:

Keep working that influencer angle Jana.

This seems like something I would see on one of those positive affirmation blogs. Then they would try and sell me a cruelty-free yoga mat in the next post. Swipe up!!!

That's it, all right. And there's no Duggar who has the slightest right to be an influencer of any kind. They're ignorant, they're stupid, they're unthinking, and their way of life and their opinions of virtually everything are pretty much pure crap. 

Of course, at least some of that is true of a lot of other influencers too. 

We have too damn many influencers and way too low a bar for being one. 

[satrunrose]

I feel the same way about this as I did about Jill's playing outside post. There's nothing wrong with it and I'm glad individual Duggars got to feel appreciated but why on earth are they presenting this as something that's completely earth shattering when telling people what you love about them (albeit often through Hallmark) is just...what you do for Valentines...

[PikaScrewChu]

18 minutes ago, Churchhoney said:

That's it, all right. And there's no Duggar who has the slightest right to be an influencer of any kind. They're ignorant, they're stupid, they're unthinking, and their way of life and their opinions of virtually everything are pretty much pure crap. 

Of course, at least some of that is true of a lot of other influencers too. 

We have too damn many influencers and way too low a bar for being one. 

They're only mimicking what they see and what's popular. It's influencers who are insincere or have no substance.

Influencers weren't even a thing until relatively recently. It's bizarre to think about that this is an actual career. Probably the only acceptable career for a Duggar woman.

[Churchhoney]

10 minutes ago, PikaScrewChu said:

They're only mimicking what they see and what's popular. It's influencers who are insincere or have no substance.

Influencers weren't even a thing until relatively recently. It's bizarre to think about that this is an actual career. Probably the only acceptable career for a Duggar woman.

True. All true. But sad. Very sad. ;  )

1 hour ago, satrunrose said:

I feel the same way about this as I did about Jill's playing outside post. There's nothing wrong with it and I'm glad individual Duggars got to feel appreciated but why on earth are they presenting this as something that's completely earth shattering when telling people what you love about them (albeit often through Hallmark) is just...what you do for Valentines...

I'd be interested to know if anybody said anything other than -- "I love the way you love the Lord and have a servant's heart." 

[DangerousMinds]

2 hours ago, Churchhoney said:

That's it, all right. And there's no Duggar who has the slightest right to be an influencer of any kind. They're ignorant, they're stupid, they're unthinking, and their way of life and their opinions of virtually everything are pretty much pure crap. 

Of course, at least some of that is true of a lot of other influencers too. 

We have too damn many influencers and way too low a bar for being one. 

It doesn’t say a lot for our society that so many people allow themselves to be “influenced” so easily.

Edited February 13, 2019 by DangerousMinds

[awaken]

Maybe it’s just me, but I bristle at being “challenged” by Jana to do anything. We in the real world don’t need her instruction or lecturing on love and actions. I’m happy they had a meaningful time, but they always come off like they know how best to express love and live life, and are patiently teaching the rest of us ignoramuses. 

Amd yes, I’m sure there were LOTS of servant’s hearts, seasons of life, walking beside, and purposing being tossed around in those speeches!  

[Albanyguy]

6 hours ago, awaken said:

I’m sure there were LOTS of servant’s hearts, seasons of life, walking beside, and purposing being tossed around in those speeches!

I'll bet that nearly every kid just parroted what the person ahead of him said.

[Annb67]

Dear Josh, I pulled your name, fuck my life. Anyway, thanks for eventually stopping the molestation. You are probably the best at being a douchebag that I know. Happy Valentines Day prick.

[floridamom]

Could Jessa have read that sheet of paper with any less emotion?

Why does Ben looked pissed sitting behind her?

[madpsych78]

No Vuolos (to be expected), but no Dullards either, and they're local. I didn't see any TLC cameras, so I don't think it will show up on the show, but the Smuggars were there anyway.

Curious as to why Jill/Derick were a no-show.

[Sew Sumi]

Even if Derelict had a quiz or something, Jill and the kids could have still attended. 

[Churchhoney]

On 2/12/2019 at 9:38 PM, DangerousMinds said:

It doesn’t say a lot for our society that so many people allow themselves to be “influenced” so easily.

We are herd animals. 

[Spencer Hastings]

On 2/13/2019 at 3:42 PM, floridamom said:

Why does Ben looked pissed sitting behind her?

Maybe he pulled Josh’s name?

[JoanArc]

On 2/13/2019 at 10:52 PM, Sew Sumi said:

Even if Derelict had a quiz or something, Jill and the kids could have still attended. 

I get the feeling showing up WITHOUT YOUR HUSBAND, especially while he is out doing stuff in THE WORLD, is looked down on mightily. I'd be like normal people saying their spouse couldn't come because they're falling down drunk at home.

[Churchhoney]

On 2/13/2019 at 4:42 PM, floridamom said:

Could Jessa have read that sheet of paper with any less emotion?

Why does Ben looked pissed sitting behind her?

I'd look pissed at this event. ;  )

[FizzyPuff]

On 2/13/2019 at 9:42 PM, floridamom said:

Could Jessa have read that sheet of paper with any less emotion?

Why does Ben looked pissed sitting behind her?

I didn’t even think that was Ben at first! All I could think was whose the bearded guy behind Jess.

[Jynnan tonnix]

1 hour ago, Puffin said:

I didn’t even think that was Ben at first! All I could think was whose the bearded guy behind Jess.

I don't think the beard does him any favors.

[OpieTaylor]

7 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I don't think the beard does him any favors.

It’s getting long and bushy!

[Sew Sumi]

It looks turrible. 

[awaken]

4 hours ago, OpieTaylor said:

It’s getting long and bushy!

Big bushy beards are the thing now apparently, and men who can grow them are inordinately proud. Can’t wait till the beard pride trend fades away. 

[galaxychaser]

Brooklyn hipster men with the beards are a no for me. 

[3 is enough]

Why do they need a microphone?  Looks ridiculous.

[BigBingerBro]

I love beards!  I think the entire male Duggar clan should wear them!  Imagine JimBob with a beard!

[Jynnan tonnix]

44 minutes ago, BigBingerBro said:

I love beards!  I think the entire male Duggar clan should wear them!  Imagine JimBob with a beard!

I love stubble and short beards. but once they start getting all long and lush, there are very few men who can pull them off. Much as I think Ben is actually very cute, he's not one of them. I did like it when it was shorter, though.

[queenanne]

On 2/15/2019 at 10:55 PM, awaken said:

Big bushy beards are the thing now apparently, and men who can grow them are inordinately proud. Can’t wait till the beard pride trend fades away. 

They have been for a while IMO, as I remember a discussion about my BIL's Amish-quality beard 2 Christmases ago; and also remember him echoing my best male friend's rationales on the topic as well... hides his/a double chin; "not everyone can grow this kind of hair, or any beard at all really!", so the fact that my sister hated it made no difference to him, because other men were always coming up to him and exclaiming admiringly of it.  "I wish I could grow a beard like that!"

[Zella]

I think beards have been in for several years. When I was an undergrad in college (circa early 2010s), they were a very big deal with my male classmates. 

[Churchhoney]

20 hours ago, 3 is enough said:

Why do they need a microphone?  Looks ridiculous.

If what I say isn't magnified by electronic media, I didn't say it?