S04.E05: Craig Of All Trades, Master Of None

[Tara Ariano]

Quote

Shep confronts Austen over an alleged Bro-Code violation during a basketball game; Cameran turns to the supernatural in search of finding her life's purpose; Thomas asks Landon out on a date; Craig's latest endeavor tries Naomie's patience, but tensions rise when she questions his future plans.

[ivygirl]

Bro Show continues!

PLEASE tell me this was editing:

Whitney: "I have a friend coming. He's a total alcoholic"

Waitress: "Sounds good."

Is that an ok way to describe someone? And then, on hearing it, not bat an eye? Or at least say, "So you're saying take the alcohol away and bring over two Pellegrinos?"

[AttackTurtle]

Kathryn is upset with Jennifer because she let Thomas show her some kindness.  Jennifer breaks down discussing how her newborn needed life saving brain surgery & Kathryn claims Jennifer is just being manipulative.  

Kathryn you're a straight up bitch.  

[Bronzedog]

OMG!  Kathryn is absolutely despicable.  Jennifer crying about her son's brain surgery is master manipulation?  Because, you know, Thomas was nice to her at the last reunion?  Girl has no redeeming qualities.

On another note, I wonder if Craig would hem some pants for me.

[mjstrick]

 TRav is such a douche that although Kathryn is a whacko i wanted to be on her side. She lost me with the Jennifer lunch.  I have never liked Jennifer but that shit is toxic.  The reunion was nothing but Thomas showing some rare grace to Jennifer because she was probably going to be birthing a corpse .  How awful of him to be nice.  Ughhhhh.

Edited May 2, 2017 by mjstrick

[ExplainItAgain]

Aww, I kind of like that Craig is excited about sewing.

Kathryn was so cold and unfeeling watching Jennifer cry about her son.

Landon's personality is so ditzy. It's ugly, not cute, girl.

[RedDelicious]

13 minutes ago, AttackTurtle said:

Kathryn is upset with Jennifer because she let Thomas show her some kindness.  Jennifer breaks down discussing how her newborn needed life saving brain surgery & Kathryn claims Jennifer is just being manipulative.  

Kathryn you're a straight up bitch.  

She's a stone cold sociopath.

[Emmeline]

Ugh, Kathryn is a crazy B.  Clearly Thomas realized that he misjudged Jennifer last season.  Seeing how strong she was during her difficult pregnancy and the way she handled herself during the reunion was touching.  Yet, the only thing Kathryn was worried about was Thomas giving her a handkerchief!  If I were Jennifer I wouldn't want anything to do with her.  Kathryn's makeup was terrible and she looked bloated.

Craig getting a sewing machine was just too much.

[Gem 10]

Just wondering ... Is this the "Landon Show" now?     She's in like every scene now.

[RedDelicious]

Seriously. In some ways Landon's voice reminds me of a warbly Angelina Jolie but it's too forced.

OMG did Naomie just pull up in the Milan?? ?

[bosawks]

Jennifer's face looking at Kathryn was priceless.  I imagine when I'm weeding and I come across a slug my face looks remarkably similar.

[StevieRocks]

Thank God for you all. I thought I had imagined that scene. Smug, bitter, Tokyo Rose of the Trailer Park aka Charleston's own jizz receptacle is going to sit across from a new mother whose baby is suffering from a brain encephalocele and spew nasty, dismissive, conciliatory remarks designed to minimize the gravity of the situation? Talk about classless trash. Sorry your plan to calve paychecks didn't work out as you planned, and you only got face wash for Christmas, but at least show a modicum of empathy, you busted old sea hag.

[AttackTurtle]

Im still waiting for this "girl squad" that is supposedly going to rally around Kathryn.  As of now she's in a about one scene per episode.  

Kathryn and Landon should call a truce because they're both terrible people and could bond over there terribleness.

[acid burn]

Landon basically meowing instead of saying "yeah" in that scene where she and Thomas ordered what were probably the world's most spit-in margaritas was so annoying and yet it reminded me of one of my all-time favorite movies, Super Troopers. 

This is "Roam" now, BTW. It's everything I assumed it would be (light on content, heavy on poor grammar and exclamation points): http://trovareco.com/. 

[chewycandy]

OMG I live for T-Rav's scenes. "I know who Phish are!" 

Landon dropped the baby voice with Austen. Can she do it with the rest of the cast?

[Drumpf1737]

I'm really surprised no one mentioned Craig and Naomie's argument. WTH Craig!

[Primetimer]

Craig has sooooo many projects, but none of them includes being a reasonable human.

View the full article

[Sun-Bun]

The most shocking part of that painfully uncomfortable Kathryn/Jennifer scene was that according to a refutable website, it was actually edited to be more positive for Kathryn. As in we didn't get to see the supposedly actual dramatic ending to that meeting that concluded with Kathryn storming out of there shouting about how the scene was supposed to be all about handkerchiefgate and not Jennifer's struggles with her infant who nearly died.

Holy Hellspawn, Kathryn really sunk to an entire new low with her icy self-entitlement displayed throughout this entire scene. Her former friend weeping about her son nearly dying is "manipulative"?!

Go fuck yourself, Kathryn---you don't deserve anything from anyone with your evil selfishness and obviously the courts agree.

T-Rav randomly talking to himself while drinking alone at home still tickles me.

Craig excitedly using a sewing machine and acting like a loyal housewife? Adorable! Craig excitedly telling Naomi he wants to start a clothing line with a friend and then telling her she's "acting dumb/ignorant" for not being enthusiastic about this random career whim?? Hideous!!

I love that Cameron confessed to once being into magic and spells because I was once too. I think many middle class white girls go through this "rebellious" stage and toy with white magic, actually, especially deep Southern ones. Or maybe like me, she just watched "The Craft" one too many times. Nice to see her working or pretending to work yet again; she desperately needs to do something more than just be the feisty busybody/pushy Cupid of this bunch.

Shep's health scare plot felt about as manufactured as his competing for one random new girl with Austen. Or attempting  to go into real estate with Cameron last season.

Speaking of manufactured plots, SURELY Thomas is courting Landon strictly for showmance purposes only. They just have zero chemistry; I think he had more chemistry when he was wooing Danni on S1! Or maybe Landon just really doesn't know how to act remotely romantic on camera---even her "maybe I love you" admittance to Shep last season came off like a little child revealing a silly schoolgirl crush and not a remotely seductive grown woman come-on. The dating pool for "OC" babes in Charleston willing to seriously date T-Rav really must be that small if he's as enamored with her as he claims.

Also, Landon: please stop with the mousy "thank youuuuuuuuu" squeaks. They're not cute or sweet, just annoying and off-putting. Some adult speech therapy would help her bunches.

We've barely seen JD this season, and that kinda bums me out---I somehow appreciated his sweaty good ol'boy guffaws and snorts((or as one of you so hilariously once commented here, "his Boss Hogging it up"! Hah!!!)).

Edited May 2, 2017 by Sun-Bun

[Bronzedog]

I really think that Kathryn and Craig should get together and leave everyone else the  hell alone.  They're both delusional.  Now that Craig has passed the bar, it will be interesting to see how he manages to avoid working.  Unless the sewing machine means he's going to personally make his new clothes line.  Run, Naomi, run!

[bosawks]

When I was young I also dreamed of being an attorney, FBI agent, clothing entrepreneur who could sew.

I don't see why Naomi was so cranky....

[JenE4]

Craig's lifecalling is obviously Pintrist Mom! He embroidered a Cupid! Naomi needs to find herself an ambitious young man who's also planning his life trajectory. Craig, on the other hand, needs to find a CEO whose eggs are about to expire and jump in as the trophy husband. I could see Craig Jr starring in his first school play with Craig building the scenery, sewing the costumes, and baking cupcakes to sell during intermission. Just don't put him in charge of the programs, or they'll never be printed in time for opening night.

several of you already mentioned it, but I literally sat with mouth agape for that entire luncheon scene between Jennifer and Kathryn! The audacity of that b!tch! She's said/done countless things that have been ridiculously over-the-top and beyond the bounds of reality, but this scene just took the cake. How can you possibly sit there with your stankface all screwed up because Thomas gave Jennifer a handkerchief 6 months ago when she's hysterical talking about how her son had to have brain surgery and she went through her pregnancy not knowing whether he would survive?!?! Kathryn has to be a full-fledged psychopath. 

i can't believe we didn't see photographic proof of teenage White Witch Cameran with purple hair.

[Sun-Bun]

12 minutes ago, bosawks said:

When I was young I also dreamed of being an attorney, FBI agent, clothing entrepreneur who could sew.

I don't see why Naomi was so cranky....

Don't forget he's a gardener, a carpenter, a model and a chef too. Seriously, how dumb of Naomi to not support his clothing line dreams---look out, Tom Ford. He's a real catch, like something out of a rom-com!!

Edited May 2, 2017 by Sun-Bun

[AttackTurtle]

Snowflakes's true colors came out during her scenes with Austin & Thomas.  What a snotty cow.   Way to belittle the guy you're seeing because God forbid he's never been to NY .  

I would really be interested in seeing the unaired footage of Kathryn and Jen's lunch.   I'm not quite sure how the rest of this cast (Landon being the exception) could film with her after viewing tonight's episode.

[Emmeline]

I believe I read that Kathryn signed on for the season late after filming had already started.  I think they filmed her meetings with Dani, Craig and Jennifer later and then edited them in.

At least we see her with the group at a bar in the preview.  I am interested to see what happens to Dani.  She is very thin.

[ivygirl]

I'm wondering when Gizmo is going to be added to the opening credits. 

[njbchlover]

Along with everyone else here, I was sickened watching and listening to that lunch with Kathryn and Jennifer.  Kathryn's face told it all - she gave absolutely "zero fucks" (TM-Erika/RHOBH) about Jennifer's son and what he has been through, and what Jennifer, also, has been through.  Kathryn is a stone-cold, selfish, self-serving bitch, imo.  If something isn't about her, she doesn't give a shit.  She looked bored, unsympathetic, uncaring and just plain mean while Jennifer was speaking.  I don't even know Jennifer, and I tear up every time she talks about her son and his brain surgery.  It's just natural empathy.  

I sincerely hope that Kathryn never gets any kind of custody of her children, and her visitations continue to be supervised.  I don't know if she is mentally or emotionally capable of caring about/for anyone but herself.  

Thomas is no prize, but at least it seems as if he is a somewhat caring father.

On to other topics of the show - Craig is starting a clothing line??  Does that mean he is going to start embroidering shirts and stuff, and setting up an Etsy shop?  I felt kind of badly for him, but I also understood where Naomi was coming from.  She's working and studying hard, and Craig's playing around with the embroidery feature of his new sewing machine, and having pipe dreams of all kinds of easy money.

Landon continues to annoy and just seems to me to be so entitled.  I don't think that even Thomas could put up with her and whiny voice for a long haul.  That whole dating thing is definitely for the show, only.  

Shep - well, I still have some love for Shep and hope that basketball game was a little wake-up call for him to slow his roll.  His lifestyle is catching up with him - not his age.  Sleeping all day, partying and drinking all night is not going to get him far in the long, happy life department.  Especially if there may be some heart disease situations in his family.  I hope that doctor spoke to Shep seriously (off-camera) about the drinking.  That amount of alcohol daily is seriously in the alcoholic range.  

Cam needs to just get over trying to make Shep and Chelsea happen.  No chemistry there, none at all.  They do both have the same interests, etc., and they seem very similar, but I think that is the problem - they are too much alike, so that would never work.

[bioprof]

I'm in the minority here, but I think Naomi is really being nasty but couching it in "charm". Like her comment to Craig " did you do anything besides this all day" ....her way to say thank you Craig for preparing such a nice meal.  All she does is beat up on him and gets all huffy when he tries to fight back. Totally get how Craig and all his projects can be frustrating, but this is what he is...either accept it or move on. He obviously comes from a loving family and I can't imagine them taking the berating route of criticism the way Naomi does. There's a way to criticize and or complain....and then there's the beat down...her method of choice. I really think Craig would be better off without her...and I really liked her last season.

Totally off topic...what is it with these gals talking with their mouth full??? Cameron is the worst offender, but I noticed Landon doing the same  thing.

[walnutqueen]

Craig is handy, and apparently likes the home life.  If I were a rich bitch, I'd keep him in European shirts.  He likes cats, too - that alone would earn him a a full time boy toy.  Better pray I never hit the Lotto, Naomi!  :-D

[Bronzedog]

Why is Craig looking for a house to rent out while he and Naomi are living in a house owned by her parents?  I'm sure the parents are concerned about his sense of entitlement and him being such a poser.  He does make a good househusband though.

i have to agree that Kathryn should not be given unsupervised visitation with her kids.  She was so void of any kind of compassion for Jennifer it was chilling.  She's  empty.

[mbaywife123]

1 hour ago, StevieRocks said:

Thank God for you all. I thought I had imagined that scene. Smug, bitter, Tokyo Rose of the Trailer Park aka Charleston's own jizz receptacle is going to sit across from a new mother whose baby is suffering from a brain encephalocele and spew nasty, dismissive, conciliatory remarks designed to minimize the gravity of the situation? Talk about classless trash. Sorry your plan to calve paychecks didn't work out as you planned, and you only got face wash for Christmas, but at least show a modicum of empathy, you busted old sea hag.

You hit the nail on the head with this post! No need for me to add anything further.

[cyberfruit]

Craig clearly wants to be a Mr. Mom/House Husband, and that's great, but he needs to finally admit that this is arrangement he's angling for. Naomie hasn't gotten rid of him yet, so maybe she's cool with being the breadwinner. My grinning over Craig's excitement of his sewing machine soured during his argument with Naomie, though. Telling your girlfriend that she's acting stupid and ignorant, his literal words, was appalling. By your late 20s, you should know how to argue with a partner without going low. He's got a nasty temper.

Katherine, wow, what a disappointment. Jennifer doubled-over crying because of her fear of nearly losing her child to this incredibly rare disease, and Katherine couldn't even get up to give the woman a hug? And then she accused her of being a master manipulator? Who raised this woman to be the jealous and paranoid person that she is today? 

Ugh, Landon's voice.

Ugh, T-Rav's everything. Especially that phonecall. Christ. 

There is seriously nothing cute about drinking to excess, all the time, and I don't know how women find Shep to be attractive. His joking about how many drinks he has per night was cringeworthy. Knowing that he carries the genes for early heart attacks while carrying on like he does makes him a fool. 

[Petunia13]

2 hours ago, AttackTurtle said:

Kathryn is upset with Jennifer because she let Thomas show her some kindness.  Jennifer breaks down discussing how her newborn needed life saving brain surgery & Kathryn claims Jennifer is just being manipulative.  

Kathryn you're a straight up bitch.  

This 

[mbaywife123]

34 minutes ago, bioprof said:

I'm in the minority here, but I think Naomi is really being nasty but couching it in "charm". Like her comment to Craig " did you do anything besides this all day" ....her way to say thank you Craig for preparing such a nice meal.  All she does is beat up on him and gets all huffy when he tries to fight back. Totally get how Craig and all his projects can be frustrating, but this is what he is...either accept it or move on. He obviously comes from a loving family and I can't imagine them taking the berating route of criticism the way Naomi does. There's a way to criticize and or complain....and then there's the beat down...her method of choice. I really think Craig would be better off without her...and I really liked her last season.

Totally off topic...what is it with these gals talking with their mouth full??? Cameron is the worst offender, but I noticed Landon doing the same  thing.

Talking with a mouth full of food is just gross.

Here are your choices ladies:

If what you have in your mouth is easily chewed and swallowed but you wish to reply asap, place your hand lightly over your mouth and respond.

If what you have in your mouth requires a little more mastication, cover your mouth with your napkin and respond.

If you just put something in your mouth and started chewing, cover your mouth with your napkin and hold up your index finger to indicate "one moment please and I will respond".

[walnutqueen]

14 minutes ago, walnutqueen said:

Craig is handy, and apparently likes the home life.  If I were a rich bitch, I'd keep him in European shirts.  He likes cats, too - that alone would earn him a a full time boy toy.  Better pray I never hit the Lotto, Naomi!  :-D

ETA - I would beat him senseless if he ever spoke to me in that manner.  Better sleep with one eye open forevermore, beyotch.  So, mixed feelings about this entitled manchild.  Still like the handyman/gardening/cooking part, though.

[Petunia13]

1 hour ago, StevieRocks said:

Thank God for you all. I thought I had imagined that scene. Smug, bitter, Tokyo Rose of the Trailer Park aka Charleston's own jizz receptacle is going to sit across from a new mother whose baby is suffering from a brain encephalocele and spew nasty, dismissive, conciliatory remarks designed to minimize the gravity of the situation? Talk about classless trash. Sorry your plan to calve paychecks didn't work out as you planned, and you only got face wash for Christmas, but at least show a modicum of empathy, you busted old sea hag.

I know. I feel sorry for anyone in her orbit. She's diarrhea. 

[ScoobieDoobs]

Congrats to you, Horseteeth.  So far, every ep this season, I've come away thinking what a fucking jackass you are.  Way to bash Chelsea, you fucking arrogant asshole.  And he put down Austen too, all while demanding that Austen keep him in the loop on what he's doing with Chelsea.  WTF?  When he said Chelsea wasn't his type anyway, I threw a pillow at my TV.  You are really pathetic, Horseteeth.  Ah, but far from the most pathetic on here.

Any sympathy I may have had for Kathryn evaporated completely & totally.  She is despicable.  Her treatment of Jennifer was simply hideous.  No other word.  HIDEOUS!

OK, the sewing was adorable.  I am so loving Craigie-poo now.  When he said in a TH a few eps ago that baseball was his life when he was a kid, I didn't believe it for a sec.  And then he showed his lack of any baseball prowess in the batting cage with Horseteeth.  Well, Horseteeth did say something about how Craig's whole family are jocks except for him, so maybe there's some shame & embarrassment going on that he doesn't have much athletic ability or interest.

Edited May 2, 2017 by ScoobieDoobs

[walnutqueen]

3 minutes ago, mbaywife123 said:

Talking with a mouth full of food is just gross.

Here are your choices ladies:

If what you have in your mouth is easily chewed and swallowed but you wish to reply asap, place your hand lightly over your mouth and respond.

If what you have in your mouth requires a little more mastication, cover your mouth with your napkin and respond.

If you just put something in your mouth and started chewing, cover your mouth with your napkin and hold up your index finger to indicate "one moment please and I will respond".

Or, you could either eat or talk - not ever both.  It is called "dinner conversation" for a reason ... mostly designed not to offend, and to be a pleasant aid to digestion.

[mbaywife123]

2 minutes ago, walnutqueen said:

Or, you could either eat or talk - not ever both.  It is called "dinner conversation" for a reason ... mostly designed not to offend, and to be a pleasant aid to digestion.

True that, but I don't want to see someone's dinner in their mouth while they are trying to be actively involved in the conversation. Chew, swallow, talk is the best course of action for everyone at the table.

[breezy424]

Yeah, real disappointed in Kathryn.  But I'm open to more of the 'real' story.  But at the same time, Kathryn, you needed to show more empathy.  I feel so much for Jennifer and what she has gone through with her baby.

Sorry Craig, you don't speak to your significant other that way.

WTF was it with Cam and the doll?

I liked Craig and the sewing machine if it's 'a hobby'.  But he's got too many hobbies going on.  He needs to set priorities and stick with that.

Kensey:  'Ballet'.  Best moment of the episode.

A lot of 'older' Jeeps.

Oh Landon, you just keep trying to make yourself more than you're really are.  The TRav/Landon thing is soooo producer driven. 

Yeah Shep, you're getting up there in years and you can't do the things you use to do because you've chosen a certain lifestyle. 

[walnutqueen]

2 minutes ago, mbaywife123 said:

True that, but I don't want to see someone's dinner in their mouth while they are trying to be actively involved in the conversation. Chew, swallow, talk is the best course of action for everyone at the table.

Which is why I said eat OR talk, never both.

[mbaywife123]

Maybe Craig can partner with Patricia and make animal caftans on his sewing machine.

[Misslindsey]

Austen's expressions when Landon was going on and on about Aspen were hilarious. I laughed at his comments about Roam as well.

I am very well traveled, but definitely would not hold it against someone if they were not. Landon acting like never going to NYC was some kind of indicator of a person's character was ridiculous. Her voice....I just can't. Her lunch with TRav was so cringeworthy.

Oh Craig, when you got your sewing machine I was hoping the whole hour would be you sewing with Gizmo. Then you had to ruin it with the Naomie dinner. I do think Craig seems to be throwing everything at the wall and seeing what sticks. Craig has a lot of faults, but overall I generally prefer him to the rest of the cast (Austen might be creeping up there as well. He seems somewhat normal.). The bar is set extremely low though. I would very much prefer to watch Craig sew clothes for Gizmo than watch a possible relationship between TRav and Landon.

Kathryn was so cold to Jennifer. That was hard to watch. Have a little empathy Kathryn.

I thought this Cameron  pushing Shep to date Chelsea would be over once Shep and Austen talked about Austen dating her. Sigh....Cameron, Chelsea gets to choose who she wants to date, not you.

[walnutqueen]

I suspect Shep's ladies leave unsatisfied ... if you can't have the decency to make them breakfast or walk/drive them home, then you probably didn't "measure up" in the bedroom, either.  Booze will do that, Mr. Shep.

 

Just now, mbaywife123 said:

Maybe Craig can partner with Patricia and make animal caftans on his sewing machine.

OOH, I'd live in one of those thangs, if I could afford it!!!

[ninjago]

Yeah, Landon reads the Wall Street Journal everyday.  Hahaha.

[mbaywife123]

2 minutes ago, walnutqueen said:

I suspect Shep's ladies leave unsatisfied ... if you can't have the decency to make them breakfast or walk/drive them home, then you probably didn't "measure up" in the bedroom, either.  Booze will do that, Mr. Shep.

 

OOH, I'd live in one of those thangs, if I could afford it!!!

Would you be able to fit into a cat caftan (zero to twenty pounds).

My left foot might fit into one elaborately embroidered one. I would need a second one for my right foot and an xxl for my fat cat Ruby Tuesday.

[izabella]

13 minutes ago, Misslindsey said:

Kathryn was so cold to Jennifer. That was hard to watch. Have a little empathy Kathryn.

It's ironic because Kathryn sure wants everyone to feel bad for her self-inflicted problems.

[Missmissie173]

Landon looks like an old catcher’s glove you find at your Parents’ garage sale, and she has about as much charm.

Kathryn.  I have a soft spot for you, but honestly.  TRav is gone honey and he ain’t coming back.  You need to leave for a good, long while and get your shit together.  Quit taken to your bed or you are dead man walking.

Sheppy…you remind me of my older brother.  So. I will leave you alone.  For now.  Let’s see what those test say.

TRav, Viagra becomes more hurtful than helpful after a while.  Stop it.  Kathryn is screwed up and won’t be unscrewed for many a moon.  You need to fall in love with your children – they need, need, need you.  Kathryn may well and truly not make it back to sanity.  Quit F’unking with her.  This is not a team sport.

 Craig- why so thin…kinda’ scarey. Good gravy Naomi = back off bitch.  You are not so special.

[ScoobieDoobs]

OK, so Craigie-poo is laying around his house (or is that Naomie's parents' house?) all day & has no job or any job prospects & he's clearly not a trust fund brat, so uh, how is he able to pay for 200 thou houses?  See, this is where this show (kinda like Vanderpump Rules) gets sticky & sorta loses me.  That pesky fourth wall.  Just like, how can jobless penniless Kathryn afford to go to the most expensive rehab joint in the country?  And how can Snowflake afford to live & keep going her ridiculous whatever website shit she's got going on?  They're all surviving quite nicely on Bravo paychecks.  Ah, but they're strictly forbidden to say that.  Idk, this aspect loses something for me about the show.

[Missmissie173]

Just one more thing.  Sorry this was from last week, but I think it is such a Non Sequiter - Why would Whitney yell "Tits Ahoy" before boarding the Shep Express?  God, that is weird...

[mbaywife123]

7 minutes ago, walnutqueen said:

Flove those, and aspire to afford them at clearance closeout prices some day. Not any time soon, as any disposable income I have goes towards catfood and a mortgage.  Hey, Patricia - dump the wannabe vampire baby & adopt MEEEE!!! (Or, just send me your Martini butler).

How I would love to see Whitney swanning thru Patricia's house in a caftan and singing show tunes (let's get real with it son).

Walnutqueen here's a good source for food ect.,delivered to your door (chewy.com TM). Sorry I know this is OT.