S05.E17: Drag Battle

[OnceSane]

Quote

An epic blowout in New Orleans continues, with Schwartz and Sandoval, still in drag, fiercely fuming over cheating accusations. Also: Kristen confronts Sandoval; Stassi has a nostalgic family visit; and a scandalous game of spin the bottle unfolds during a wild last night in New Orleans.

[hoodooznoodooz]

Did anyone watch the very short First Look last night? Schwartz was so intoxicated he fell off the bed. 

[zoeysmom]

6 hours ago, hoodooznoodooz said:

Did anyone watch the very short First Look last night? Schwartz was so intoxicated he fell off the bed. 

I did, the episode looks like a doozy.  All I could think of was Stassi get out of Kristen and Schwartz's bed.

[ivygirl]

I'm not condoning Katie's overall behavior, but "Take the next step or I need to move on" is not really an ultimatum (at least in the manipulative sense that Sandoval meant it); it's taking care of yourself. I mean, she very well could have given him stupid ultimatums at *other* points, but IMO that clip was a bad example (was that the scene of the infamous "ring on a string"?). By contrast "Fish or cut bait" is EXACTLY what she should have said... except they both should have walked away. The problem is that they didn't.

I love that Jax's lucid and slightly wise moments last for like five minutes and then he turns back into Standard Jax.

And those people don't need 4Loco.

[dosodog]

I would also prefer to kiss Peter more than anyone else in that bar.  

[bosawks]

I wonder how many times they had to rehearse the Sandoval door kick so it perfectly framed Schwartz plaintively sitting on the bed?

[WhosThatGirl]

God damn, FI is the worst! I really wanna punch him in the face constantly throughout the episode. I wanted to hit him when he said he asked Katie to marry him who gave him an ultimatum. If that's true, Tom schwartz should haven never done it. And also FI he missed the deadline anyways. So. Katie gave him a deadline, that time passed. 

Kristen may have a point in the sense that our friends are a reflection of us. But that can be said for all these people and the people they have chosen to surround with.

Is it strange that Jax made sense tonight? Did he not drink as much as anyone else? He sounded sober while the others were slurring about anything and everything. "This is not normal!" True that Jax Taylor. Stop making sense. 

Seriously Schwartz can be an ass too as we learned in tonight's episode. Wow. When he was railing on Stassis dating choices. Back up dude. Seriously.

Also I can't be the only person uncomfortable when they show Schena and Shay talk about their marriage.

I could care less about the hostess girl becoming a server. Is she a new cast member we're going to deal with? Ugh.

i wonder if FI ever apologized for his comments about Katie? He said some harsh things in these two episodes about her. 

Like the two Toms haven't kissed before. 

Krazy Kristen is here. Love how she starts her fights by telling FI that his weave is showing.  That was the weirdest fight ever? Also why give her a hug? What just happened? I couldn't even understand them with how drunk they both were.  I'm glad Tom even acknowledged the awkward that occurred. 

Uh what was Jax dancing around Schwartz lap dance to Katie about? 

Also so much screen time being given to Shay and Schena and their marriage, it has to be so we can all clearly be uncomfortable with it and for reunion footage.

This episode went by pretty fast, actually. Maybe because they were having fun tonight and not in a painful screaming match. 

[Ubiquitous]

Well, that was boring... FI Tom was right about Katie issuing that ultimatum to get married, however.

[ivygirl]

9 minutes ago, bosawks said:

I wonder how many times they had to rehearse the Sandoval door kick so it perfectly framed Schwartz plaintively sitting on the bed?

And it looked like he was LAUGHING! Am I wrong on that?

[Primetimer]

Schwartz lets it all out, and boy is it a lot to take in!

View the full article

[UMAngela]

Drunk Katie: "I'm the dumbest woman on the planet."  Cut to me, nodding my head vigorously in agreement.  

How can two people who hate one another so much be getting married?  Mind boggling.

[bosawks]

I know it seems like we should be on Shay's side when he is contemplating marriage while Scheana is too busy to listen buuuuuttt those bags aren't going to pack themselves SHAY!!!

[Guest]

Are we getting a Sandoval led spin-off?  What was with Lisa randomly deciding to open another restaurant and deciding that FI Tom, of all people, would make a great junior partner.

[rustyspigot]

Nice of Kristen to find another dirty alley to fight in on vacation. Quite the gift.

And Katie managed to get another object hit her in the face.

And who is this Katie O'Malley/Lala Jr?

Edited February 28, 2017 by rustyspigot

[bosawks]

I think throwing money in a fire makes more fiscal sense than having Sandoval be a "junior partner" in anything.

[ivygirl]

The FI as manager and LaLa-voiced newbie bits were a little suspicious.

[chick binewski]

13 minutes ago, ParadoxLost said:

Are we getting a Sandoval led spin-off?  What was with Lisa randomly deciding to open another restaurant and deciding that FI Tom, of all people, would make a great junior partner.

That makes more sense after watching the super-organic conversation between Ken & Lisa in their bedroom.

Out of all these chuckleheads acting horribly how do Jax & Kristen still manage to set themselves apart when they're not even involved? Jax exposes all the crap to Kristen then pretends to be the voice of reason. Kristen blames Sandoval for no other reason than to pretend she's mad at him. And then Sandoval apologizes to her then rags on her to Jax. May the circle be unbroken.

Also, Jax STOPPED the rumor about Brittany & Kristen? Seriously, is he scheduled to address congress?

[snarts]

Scheana & Shay discussing picking up tips & clearing out accounts was pretty heavy foreshadowing of what's to come.  You have to wonder if that's what gave him the idea. 

I don't blame Kristen for being pissed about what Sandoval said to Carter.  However the awkward discussion in the alley was uncomfortable to watch.   I feel like Kristen has a shit ton of dirt on him and he lives in fear of her spilling on camera.  Hence the "let's hug it out"

It pains me to say but Adriana is gorgeous.  She looked fabulous the entire trip.  Brittany, on the other hand...

[ticklemepink]

Schwartz REEKS of misogyny which is why I have never bought into his bubba schtick. Ever since he poured beer on Katie's head he's been firmly in the trashpile in my mind. He's the worst kind of manboy with a deep slutshaming streak that is just barely rumbling under the surface.

[WhosThatGirl]

In all honestly, I never thought of Schwartz as that bad until this season. Because now he can play the wounded soul and ask Katie about her drink count that day and complain and he has best boyfriend to back him up and play up the victim role.

Also did carter say anything wrong? Carter just said Katie felt Tom doesn't have her back and then even the Vegas thing he just said "if you hooked up with someone in vegas" he wasn't really trying to insinuate he knew anything.

[Pachengala]

Whoa, Schwartz has a tiny peen. His body type would indicate the opposite, but what he turned up after asking 'where's my penis?' was...disappointing. And while I'm tipsily body-shaming... I took some heat awhile back when I 'girl please'd Katie's podcast claim that she's a 4/6, but I'm going to refer everyone who argued with me to this episode. Someone way funnier than I am called Brittany 'beefy and dim' and I'm going to repurpose those words for ol' beefy and dim Katie.

Finally, because I'm really leaning in to being an asshole, I've gotta reiterate what a doofy beta-male Peter is. It's like he thinks manhood is impersonating an Al Pacino movie. I can barely even watch scenes he's in because he's so embarrassingly try-hard. Yech, Peter. 

[ivygirl]

Ok on rewatch... was that dramatic "LEAVE SCHWARTZIE ALONE!!!" scene intended for Sandoval's audition reel? I mean, if he cried, he would have had the full effect, with running makeup and everything. Even Ariana was sort of defending Katie at that point. 

Edited February 28, 2017 by ivygirl

[Ubiquitous]

7 hours ago, bosawks said:

I wonder how many times they had to rehearse the Sandoval door kick so it perfectly framed Schwartz plaintively sitting on the bed?

I thought Shwartz was on the toilet in the bathroom, but yeah, that wasn't very spontaneous.

 

So, successful businesswoman Lisa Vanderbucks wants FI Tom to run her newest super successful restaurant for kids? Yeah, good luck with that. I was half-expecting to see flashbacks to the Toms' business proposal to her a couple seasons ago.

[Mindthinkr]

Since Stassi is an Awlins local I wonder why they didn't go to any cool places to see music, or eat the wonderful food except Galatoire's. Seriously, all that room service in a city known well for its scrumptious food? I'd have loved to see them slurping oysters at Acme (well then again with their propensity to eat and chat with their mouths open) or Beignets at Cafe du Monde. (Powdered sugar all over their faces) The only thing that looked local to me was when all that seafood was dumped onto a newspaper (or butchers paper) laden table for them to just get their hands in and feast. 

[snarts]

Not giving them a full pass, but businesses have to agree to filming.  It's likely that some of the places Stassi wanted to take them to didn't agree and they were forced to go elsewhere.

[ghoulina]

I spent the first 10 minutes of this show staring at Katie's shirt. It took me way too long to figure out what Feyonce meant. 

I have so say, I've never seen such good TV as two dudes in makeup and dresses crying and hiding in bathrooms and yelling at everyone. Good times. 

But I do have to say, if Schwartz is a battered wife, Sandoval is the batterer. He's punching walls, kicking open doors. Damn, control yourself, dude. I think that was the first time that I thought Ariana could do better. And I normally LIKE Sandoval. But when he's drunk he's just about as bad as Kristen. And then they wake up with the DUDE still wearing his makeup and Ariana is spooning HIM. 

Speaking of Crazy Kristen, so now she's blaming Sandoval for all of Schwartz's behavior? Please. These people are the WORST with personal accountability. 

I'm glad Schwartz and Katie decided to Febreeze some more of their shitty relationship and keeping adding to the pile of problems under the rug, at least so that the other people on the trip could have a good time. But here's a tip, if your fiance tells you "You were a nightmare the first 2-3 years of our relationship", you should probably call off the wedding. Not only is that a horrible thing to say, but who STAYS with "a nightmare" for that long??? Katie is a bitch and Schwartz is pathetic. I don't think the marriage will ever implode. I think they'll just continue to make each other miserable until one of them dies and finally gets some peace. 

Shay and Scheana are super awkward too. She keeps trying to talk like she's some relationship authority, and how different THEIR marriage is - but any time SHAY tries to talk, she's all "mmmmmhmmmming" him and asking him to hand her her heels. The cracks are showing. 

Stassi's grandma is cute, but who tells their grandma about their hangover puking???

Where is Carter????

[RedDelicious]

I loved Schwartz breaking "character" and trying to suppress his giggles at the conclusion of FI's monologue. 

Schwartz in drag made me think of Jared Leto's Rayon character in Dallas Buyers Club.

So wait a second (I'm just getting this now) you mean to tell me all this tv skinniness is attributed to cigarettes and Adderall?  Ugh.  It's so unfair that these made for tv body types are the result of chemical use.  As if any of these girls in their early 30s/late 20s with no outside responsibilities REALLY need ADD medication to perform their jobs as waitresses.  I hate Kristen's wonky cigarette fingers.

[ghoulina]

10 hours ago, ParadoxLost said:

Are we getting a Sandoval led spin-off?  What was with Lisa randomly deciding to open another restaurant and deciding that FI Tom, of all people, would make a great junior partner.

That was seriously the most mind boggling scene of the episode. And that's saying a lot. 

 

9 hours ago, snarts said:

Scheana & Shay discussing picking up tips & clearing out accounts was pretty heavy foreshadowing of what's to come.  You have to wonder if that's what gave him the idea. 

DID Shay clear out her accounts????

Edited February 28, 2017 by ghoulina

[Juliegirlj]

I'm starting to think Shay and Brittany would make a good couple. Dumb meets dumber....Scheana is obviously having one of those moments when she smacks her head and says "I should have had a V-8 ( ie: what was I thinking when I married Shay!) 

I know Jax is moronic, but I'm loving him this season. Peter is so handsome, but dumb as dirt. I did get a cheap thrill watching him and Stassi make out... 

[TattleTeeny]

Quote

Stassi's grandma is cute, but who tells their grandma about their hangover puking???

Haha, me.

[Silly Angel]

11 hours ago, ParadoxLost said:

Are we getting a Sandoval led spin-off?  What was with Lisa randomly deciding to open another restaurant and deciding that FI Tom, of all people, would make a great junior partner.

But he had such a smart, detailed business plan for shopping Lisa's sangria all over St. Louis, remember. That kid's going places.

Every single shot of Schwartz and his drunky-eyes--excuse me, eyeballs, which are FINE--was comedy gold.

[LucyHoneychrrch]

Brittany's bruise concerns me. A lot.

I'm starting to not care at all about Schwartz and Katie; they're so tiresome at this point, I cannot fathom why anyone is friends with them. How irritating must it be to constantly have every outing and every party co-opted by these two and their ridiculous foreplay/drama?

I gasped out loud at the Scheana/Shay "empty your bank account" moment. That's some next-level foreshadowing. Well played, Bravo. /slow clap

[Carolina Girl]

So Brittany is upset that they were discussing Kristen without her being there?  And then off they go to Katie's room to trash Schwartz.  Hypocrite much dearie?  And if you want to see the source of most of this group's trouble, you need do nothing more than roll over in your bed in the morning.  No one spreads more shit and spills more secrets than Jax Taylor.  Who then completely LIES about his role.  My favorite moment of the night?  "Well, I apologized and stopped the rumor about Brittany and Kristen."  Dude - you STARTED the rumor, a rumor that disparaged someone you supposedly love.  It was unnecessary and pointless - it was just something to bring up to focus attention on you.  And you are the one who spilled the whole Vegas story on Tom to either Kristen or Katie, I forget which, but it all came from YOU.  

Of course, without you and your despicable need to cause trouble, sadly this show would have no plot at all.  

Oh, and Stassi - we're sick of Patrick.  We don't care.  Get over it.  It isn't as if your marriage of a decade broke up.  You wanted to be back on the show, he didn't want anything to do with these people.  If he was that important to you, you'd never have gone back.  

[bichonblitz]

Sandoval with his "Schwartz is a battered woman" line. He can stop that any time now. First of all, Schwartz would be a battered man, not woman, and second, after watching the last couple episodes, it's obvious my perfect Schwartz has fallen from grace. He's just as much of a bitch as Katie.

I recently heard that Schwartz has a trust fund, hence, the actual real reason for the pre-nup, which explains his lack of desire to work. I always wondered why it was no big deal to Katie for him to get off his lazy ass and get a job, and I'm not talking about his once or twice a year modeling jobs. The bigger deal to her is whether he fucked a random chick in Vegas two years ago. He swears he didn't, he's not ever going to back down from that story, so she needs to either believe him and drop it or not believe him and break up. 

Jax is getting a bit out of shape and is getting a tummy. Can't party like you used to when you're pushing 40, Jax. It starts to take a toll on your body. 

Edited February 28, 2017 by bichonblitz

[zoeysmom]

6 minutes ago, bichonblitz said:

Sandoval with his "Schwartz is a battered woman" line. He can stop that any time now. First of all, Schwartz would be a battered man, not woman, and second, after watching the last couple episodes, it's obvious my perfect Schwartz has fallen from grace. He's just as much of a bitch as Katie.

I recently heard that Schwartz has a trust fund, hence, the actual real reason for the pre-nup, which explains his lack of desire to work. I always wondered why it was no big deal to Katie for him to get off his lazy ass and get a job, and I'm not talking about his once or twice a year modeling jobs. The bigger deal to her is whether he fucked a random chick in Vegas two years ago. He swears he didn't, so she needs to either believe him and drop it or not believe him and break up. 

I hate to see what happens when Katie or Tom sober up or stop drinking excessively.  I doubt the relationship would last.  Katie is somewhat archaic in her thinking-you put a ring on my finger so you can't complain.  Part of an engagement is the ability to bail without going through a divorce. 

At one point Sandoval mentioned that Schwartz takes care of his family.  His parents are in bankruptcy, so I doubt there is any trust fund.  He also owes outstanding student loans.  For the most part the guy is a nice guy, but he has zero ambition. I believe Katie's frustrations come from the fact Schwartz does not work and all she asks from is he be her indentured servant.  I mean these modeling jobs are great but what about five years from now?  I am always reading about these appearances the cast makes but see very few advertised.  Kristen and Carter fueled the whole chick in Vegas nonsense.  Stassi thinking she needs to be a part of the discussion is even dumber.  I would think if the Vegas chick was the underlying issue, Katie would have brought it up on her own.

Of all the cast, I have always thought the one who sees the light as far as future enrichment from the show will be Sandoval and to a lesser extent Ariana.  They seem to be a more opportunity driven, so I could see why LVP and Ken might want to partner with Tom or Ariana.  It will take a huge commitment on Sandoval's part to be the face of any business.

No one should ever listen to Jax's advice. 

[Duke2801]

35 minutes ago, bichonblitz said:

Jax is getting a bit out of shape and is getting a tummy. Can't party like you used to when you're pushing 40, Jax. It starts to take a toll on your body.

And his face!  Hard to believe he used to be borderline handsome back in the early seasons.  Now he looks like a bloated Wolfman.  Wolfman Jax!  

So Schwartz brought up - yet again - how vile Katie was for the first 2-3 years of their relationship. Ok, but honestly, honey, that almost reflects more poorly on you than it does on her.  Because you proceeded to continue dating her, to move in with her, and then propose to her.  Like, why, though?  Insecurity?  Self masochism? Or just laziness? 

[Ubiquitous]

Feyonce? I guess there's a joke about a singer I don't know about... Funny how StASSi's father just happened to be at her grandmother's house for filming. I wonder if he lives with her after the divorce or drove non-stop from wherever he lives to be there?

[bichonblitz]

Patrick is probably thinking he's dodged a bullet by no longer being with Stassi. I wonder if he watches this show.

Scheana found a new boyfriend almost immediately after splitting with Shay, Kristin is always going from one relationship to another,so why can't Stassi find someone? There must really be something unlikeable about her. We know she's not picky (she chose Jax, after all), if she wanted to stay single I would say go for it but she clearly is always whining about not having anybody so I wonder what her deal is. 

You mean to tell me that Stassi knew nothing about the Schwartz hookup in Vegas? Huh? If it was such a big deal, why didn't Kristen tell her about it or Katie after she and Stassi patched up their friendship? Poor Stass must have felt really left out...

[tvfanatic13]

Did I miss how Brittney got that bruise?

I think that they were at Stassi's father's house, not her grandmother's (very cute by the way- reminds me of my Gram).

FI got a lot for his emmy reel- the door kick, the fake crying.

Finally, Arianna is very pretty without makeup.

[rho]

So I flipped to Bravo right at the end of this episode when Jax was wearing the silicone shoe inserts under his eyes. Dead!!! I can't believe he thought those would do anything for his face. Also, what happened to Brittney's face that she's wearing sunglasses inside with the shades drawn? It looked like she had a bruise or a big scab on her cheek?

[HunterHunted]

10 hours ago, Pachengala said:

Whoa, Schwartz has a tiny peen. His body type would indicate the opposite, but what he turned up after asking 'where's my penis?' was...disappointing.

According to Lala, he has the biggest dick of all the guys. How she would know this is beyond me. We know that they've all seen Jax's dick. I'm going to give Schwartz benefit of doubt and assume he's a grower. Listen, we all can't be Kelley Johnson from Below Deck.

1 hour ago, Silly Angel said:

But he had such a smart, detailed business plan for shopping Lisa's sangria all over St. Louis, remember. That kid's going places.

Every single shot of Schwartz and his drunky-eyes--excuse me, eyeballs, which are FINE--was comedy gold.

Sandoval was embarrassingly out of his depth last season in his sangria brand ambassador pitch. "I know all the bars in St. Louis. I'm going to go to them and order an LVP sangria." However, the sangria meeting was a total set up. Lisa expected them to be knowledgeable about stuff that was internalizing information. However, neither Tom knows enough about marketing to know what questions to ask. I do think that Sandoval and Ariana are suited to be good brand ambassadors for LVP beverages and the LVP Todd restaurant group bar menus. Both of them are good bartenders. They have decent cocktail palates. What happened to Ariana's cocktail book and videos? Why couldn't we have video of Sandoval working with the bar manager to come up with new drinks, training new bartenders (I know he did that at Villa Blanca), and doing the kind of quizzing that Lisa was doing with Katie O'Malley. I'm going to call bullshit on Lisa saying that O'Malley isn't ready to be a server when Brittany can't pronounce half the items on the menu, which coincidentally misspells sorbet. Unless there is some weird alternative UK spelling where it's spelled sorbert.

Schwartz thought Katie was a horror show and Katie doesn't trust Schwartz. If this was happening to Jax and Brittany, both Katie and Schwartz would have the distance and perspective to tell Brittany and Jax to break up. Katie and Schwartz have no business being together. Unfortunately, they can't see it.

Why can't Scheana shut up and just listen? She's gotten in a ton of trouble because of it. LVP told her to not bring up the costs of bridal shower to Katie. And what does Scheana do? Shay is giving her a bunch of warnings. She's still not listening.

I don't believe Schwartz had sex with the Vegas girl. If only because all of them know that he has an insanely low sex drive. Also if you rewatch any of their past guy's trips, you'll see Schwartz talking to girls, but talking up Peter, Jax, or Sandoval. It's rare that he's out and out flirting with any of the women that they meet. We all joke that Schwartz and Sandoval should just date each other. I think if Sandoval said yes, Schwartz would give it a go. The Toms are like brothers/best friends/lovers and sometimes it's just weird to watch.

[ghoulina]

1 hour ago, Juliegirlj said:

I'm starting to think Shay and Brittany would make a good couple. Dumb meets dumber....Scheana is obviously having one of those moments when she smacks her head and says "I should have had a V-8 ( ie: what was I thinking when I married Shay!) 

I don't know why. I think Shay should be thinking the same thing. He seems like a really nice guy. I don't get "dumb" from him at all. He tries to talk to his wife and she just dismisses him or monopolizes the conversation. She hasn't treated his addiction or sobriety in a very supportive way either. I think he's the one that should be happy to be out of that marriage. 

 

50 minutes ago, Ubiquitous said:

Feyonce? I guess there's a joke about a singer I don't know about... Funny how StASSi's father just happened to be at her grandmother's house for filming. I wonder if he lives with her after the divorce or drove non-stop from wherever he lives to be there?

They were selling the house and moving a bunch of stuff out, so I assumed he was there for that. 

[yourmomiseasy]

13 hours ago, bosawks said:

I wonder how many times they had to rehearse the Sandoval door kick so it perfectly framed Schwartz plaintively sitting on the bed?

They must have done that right after FI got done memorizing this (maybe FI's shitty highlights are part of a commitment to method acting that rivals Joaquin Phoenix's)...

3 hours ago, ghoulina said:

I spent the first 10 minutes of this show staring at Katie's shirt. It took me way too long to figure out what Feyonce meant. 

I have so say, I've never seen such good TV as two dudes in makeup and dresses crying and hiding in bathrooms and yelling at everyone. Good times. 

But I do have to say, if Schwartz is a battered wife, Sandoval is the batterer. He's punching walls, kicking open doors. Damn, control yourself, dude. I think that was the first time that I thought Ariana could do better. And I normally LIKE Sandoval. But when he's drunk he's just about as bad as Kristen. And then they wake up with the DUDE still wearing his makeup and Ariana is spooning HIM. 

Speaking of Crazy Kristen, so now she's blaming Sandoval for all of Schwartz's behavior? Please. These people are the WORST with personal accountability. 

I'm glad Schwartz and Katie decided to Febreeze some more of their shitty relationship and keeping adding to the pile of problems under the rug, at least so that the other people on the trip could have a good time. But here's a tip, if your fiance tells you "You were a nightmare the first 2-3 years of our relationship", you should probably call off the wedding. Not only is that a horrible thing to say, but who STAYS with "a nightmare" for that long??? Katie is a bitch and Schwartz is pathetic. I don't think the marriage will ever implode. I think they'll just continue to make each other miserable until one of them dies and finally gets some peace. 

Shay and Scheana are super awkward too. She keeps trying to talk like she's some relationship authority, and how different THEIR marriage is - but any time SHAY tries to talk, she's all "mmmmmhmmmming" him and asking him to hand her her heels. The cracks are showing. 

Stassi's grandma is cute, but who tells their grandma about their hangover puking???

Where is Carter????

Schwartz and Katie's "ain't nobody got time for fixing our problems, we've got a weeding to plan" mantra makes me cringe.  Anytime Scheena opens her mouth to smugly give her thoughts on marriage makes me cringe too.  That packing scene with her and Shay might have been funny if everyone didn't know the sad outcome.

Edited February 28, 2017 by yourmomiseasy

[HunterHunted]

For whatever reason, I thought that LVP bought her dildo and porn shop a lot longer ago. Turns out it was last year. I can't imagine that it'll be a gastropub if Sandoval is involved. Gastropubs aren't known for cocktail programs. Also Lisa is knowledgeable about wines and spirits, but seems to have little interest in beer.

[OnceSane]

14 hours ago, ParadoxLost said:

Are we getting a Sandoval led spin-off?  What was with Lisa randomly deciding to open another restaurant and deciding that FI Tom, of all people, would make a great junior partner.

I think LVP is hoping for another spin-off, but she'd be just as happy with something that can provide a couple seasons' worth of storyline.

Kristen bitching out FI Tom?  I get it, you don't want your ex spilling to your current...but maybe then don't arm the current bf with (potentially false) ammunition and have him enter the argument as though he's speaking absolute truth?  Ridiculous.  Carter had no place in the fight and Kristen should have known that Sandoval would jump to Schwartz's defense in any way necessary.  The "hugging it out" was stupid and unnecessary.

I feel like these kids expected everyone to think it was so cool that they still play Spin the Bottle in their late 20s-early 30s, but I just found it sad.  Are they really so hard up for physical affection? 

Jax's weird dancing during Schwartz's lap dance made me laugh.  I think he was warming up in case he had to sub in for Tom.

[psychoticstate]

When Jax Taylor - - Jax Fucking Taylor, the chunky sweater wearing steroid monkey who proudly announces he poops with the bathroom door open and even lets Bravo film him sitting on the toilet - - is the voice of reason, there's a problem.

He was dead on with the Fabreze comparison a few epis back and, once again, Tequila Katie and Schwartzie, are busting out their warehouse of Fabreze to completely mask their serious underlying problems.  Between Scheana and Shay, who we know imploded, and Tequila and Schwartzie - - only a matter of time - - this shit isn't funny anymore.

I've always had a soft spot for Schwartzie but he disgusted me last night.  All of these chucklefucks drink way too much but he was a sloppy drunk last night.  Falling off the bed, not remembering what he said, drinking straight from the vodka bottle, sucking off a RediWhip can, ignoring everything Tequila is trying to say.  Just no.  Katie made a HUGE mistake marrying him.  Schwartzie made a HUGE mistake marrying her.   It's not going to get better after you get married; if anything, it will get worse.  Schwartzie clearly doesn't want to get married, at least not to Katie.  He's taking self medicating to the next level.  I can't imagine what their families think, watching this.

I know that Schwartzie was called out on still wearing makeup but it looked like FI still had his foundation on as well.  And he has a weave?  Ha ha!  Please take it out, FI.  It looks horrible.  And stop trying to be Dr. Drew or something.  You're not.  The only thing you might be an expert on is flat ironing.  That's it.  Kristen is your ex girlfriend.  Enough said. 

Kristen bringing some of the cray was the best part of the episode.  Her shorts and Tequila's shorts were way too short though when visiting with StASSi's family.  I liked seeing StASSi's grandmother but I cannot imagine telling my grandmother I'd been puking all morning because I was so hungover.  Tacky.  I did think her outfit was cute though.  Never would have gotten in the pool in it.

Loved seeing Lisa's menagerie of dogs and seeing Giggy so excited he was jumping around. 

[snarts]

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DID Shay clear out her accounts????

 Yes, he did.

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I don't believe Schwartz had sex with the Vegas girl. If only because all of them know that he has an insanely low sex drive. Also if you rewatch any of their past guy's trips, you'll see Schwartz talking to girls, but talking up Peter, Jax, or Sandoval. It's rare that he's out and out flirting with any of the women that they meet. We all joke that Schwartz and Sandoval should just date each other. I think if Sandoval said yes, Schwartz would give it a go. The Toms are like brothers/best friends/lovers and sometimes it's just weird to watch.

I agree. 

While I'm skeeved a bit by Stassi's parents (primarily due to that awkward luncheon with Frank), I did like her grandma.  No shame on Stassi for taking the opportunity for her to appear on the show.  

I totally missed what was going with Brittany's face.  Was it during the scene with Jax wearing the silicone cutlets?

[Carolina Girl]

25 minutes ago, snarts said:

 Yes, he did.

I agree. 

While I'm skeeved a bit by Stassi's parents (primarily due to that awkward luncheon with Frank), I did like her grandma.  No shame on Stassi for taking the opportunity for her to appear on the show.  

I totally missed what was going with Brittany's face.  Was it during the scene with Jax wearing the silicone cutlets?

Yeah, I agree, I don't think Schwartzie did anything either.  But Jax just can't resist making trouble.  

I see that the Cray Cray Kristen is back with us.  "I just like to slit his throat so that he's not (whatever)."  Nice reaction, their Psycho-Girl.  But frankly, I don't think she's over Sandoval, not by a long shot.  In the back of her mind, I think she's just hoping against hope that he'll come back to her.  And agree totally with OnceSane above - Carter had no damn place in that fight.  He wasn't there, he doesn't know, and frankly after the insane way Kristen behaved after the breakup (when she was supposedly with the love of her life James......as opposed to the current love of her life, Carter), allows Sandoval some lee-way in his dislike for her and the shit stirring she does.  Back away.  She's didn't fuck YOUR best friend (and her bestie's boyfriend) - twice, and lie like a rug about it until she couldn't lie anymore, but got holier than thou when Sandoval took up with Arianna because he supposedly hooked up with her in Vegas.  Both have said sex didn't occur, that it was just some heavy making out.  

But my opinion of Kristen is jaded; I don't like her and I really never have.  She especially lost me when she was nasty to the manager at SUR and then snotted about Lisa firing her.  Frankly, she's lucky - I'd have gotten a TRO on her.  

[itainttippithebird]

Chagrined to admit that I know this, but Brittany said on social media that the mysterious cheek "bruise" was the smudge left by a diamond shaped temporary tattoo she put on her face the night before, which kinda checks out since they were putting those all over Schwartz the night before.

[RHJunkie]

Sandoval, mind your business. Schwarz and Katie are exhausting to be around...how are they not exhausting themselves? They're both horrible drunks. Do Katie and Schwartz not realize how dumb they sound? Tom holds it against Katie that she treats him poorly and gave him an ultimatum to marry her yet he CHOSE to continue his relationship despite how she treats him and decided to give in to her ultimatum. Katie holds it against Tom for what he did in Vegas but she CHOSE to move forward with the relationship knowing that there was some level of infidelity and still lobbied for a ring on her finger. Yes Katie, open that bottle up after you get married...because a piece of paper is what's going to make the difference in your ability to overcome such glaring challenges in your relationship. 

The Scheana/Shay conversation was uncomfortable to watch because we now know what transpired with them after all of these conversations actually happened. 

I found it hilarious that Stassi took a bow after her kiss with Peter when he was trying to get her off of him. Maybe the kiss seemed super awkward because Peter wasn't really into it.   

Is Sandoval getting a spin off? Why in the holy hell would LVP want to seriously team up with him for a business venture? And how much money can Sandoval front for this endeavour? 

Why the hell does Brittany have a bruise on her face? Was nice to see that they kept it together for a night to at least enjoy themselves and keep it lighthearted.