psychoticstate

Cabbage Patch Sarah and Angela need to become besties and start their own club. They are both codependent messes who like to pretend they are strong women while crawling back to their POS men. Ugh. CP Sarah has her blackcent and Angela has her cigarette factory. I've rolled my eyes so hard at both of them for acting like they don't want their "men" that I think I've given myself vertigo. CP Sarah can cry all she wants out in her cabbage patch about not knowing what to do but it's very simple. Get yourself divorced and move for sole custody of your children. Michael is going to do nothing but damage them. And get yourself a therapist (not Angela) while you're at it. Gah, I'm not sure who I dislike more: Angela or CP Sarah. Wait, I do. I dislike Sarah more because she's brought two children into it.

Can the show please provide an interpreter for Zach? I have no idea what the hell he's talking about whenever he opens his mouth and that verbal diarrhea spews out. Mindy, listen to your friend Mallory and bail on this fuckwit. I know you say you want your marriage to work but you don't have a marriage. Same with Taylor. If a man is telling you a week in (and on your honeymoon!) to fuck off - -and around other people, pack your bag and go. It isn't going to get better. I'm disgusted that Pastor Cal would encourage Taylor and Brandon to work on the marriage. No. You cut your losses and get away from someone like that And why didn't either PC or Taylor ask Brandon where the hell he'd been? I'm surprised that Derek put a timeframe on falling in love with Katie. Is he hedging his bets? Is he laying the groundwork for not making a firm decision or being in love by week eight? And Katie, if you have to make a conscious decision every day to not be involved with your ex, you haven't emotionally cut him off or distanced yourself. I think Michael was lying to Pastor Cal. If he's going to lie about that, and lie the first week of the marriage, what won't he lie about? If I were Meka, I'd cut bait and go. Jess and Austin seem to be perfectly matched and I agree with a poster upthread who said he's this season's Ricky Bobby. I seriously love Katie's dog, Zach's dogs, and Derek's roommate's dog.

Apologies. CPS is my shorthand for Cabbage Patch Sarah, not Child Protective Services.

Can we have an intervention/rescue for the poor dog and cat with Clint and My Goddess? I worry about them. Angela isn't fooling anyone with her "I'm getting dressed up to go out at the one place in my little town to show Tony up!" Sure. If you're going to "spy" on your "boyfriend," you probably shouldn't park right in front of your trailer in your own car while smoking a carton of cigarettes every hour. She and Tony must keep Marlboro in business. Andrea, while Jesus may have sound go forth and be fruitful, he didn't add a codicil about S&M. Please think of your children when you allow yourself to be filmed for tv shopping in an adult toy store and getting all gleeful over vibrators. I think Lamar could have been a little bit nicer to the Mormon guests but I don't agree with anyone having religion forced down their throats. It is certainly not the way to introduce them to it or get them into it. Cabbage Patch Sarah needs to file for sole custody of those girls and keep Michael far, far away. He is only going to damage them, as evidenced by Avianna's reaction last night. And why exactly did CPS call her grandmother to come get the girls? I don't think it has as much to do with fears of Michael taking them as CPS' hopes that Michael would stay with her. She's not fooling me. And neither is her blaccent. No matter how tough she acts, she's still paying for Michael's phone and spending inordinate amounts of time tracking who's sending him money instead of divorcing his sorry ass and getting sole custody. This episode just proved to me that LAL is no longer must-watch tv for me. I pretty much dislike all these folks, with the exception of the children and the pets. A niece that is apparently named ROYALTY. Jeebus. Poor kid. Clearly bad decisions run rampant in Josh's family.

So Mindy points out to Zach that he's not wearing his wedding ring. While she's not wearing her wedding ring. Okay. And Zach, don't say that you never remember to put your jewelry on when we can clearly see your big honking watch. No matter how much Brandon dislikes the cameras (stupid move if you're going to agree to be filmed for a reality show), there is NO EXCUSE for him to tell Taylor to fuck off. That would be the end of it right there for me. At any point but especially only six or seven days in. Speaking of Taylor, she was definitely more concerned for her SM and her phone when Brandon was having a meltdown. Meka's list of dos and donts was ridiculous. So she gets the majority of the bed? I do believe that Michael probably said one thing on camera and another off but this is just bullshit. At this point, I only think Austin and Jessica and Derrick and Katie have any chance of making it.

Is this what I stay home on Friday nights for? This shit was boring. I mean, I still have comments and all but it was boring. Love how Cheryl says in one breath that she's going to be fake and pleasant to Tina and in the next breath gets all passive aggressive and snappy wit her. Never change, Cheryl. You'll never learn. Please eat a sandwich and consider sending your child to Virginia Beach, where Lacey's dad runs a daycare for children of skank mothers who chase after prison dick. Chane is a total dimwit. So Chon is out of the picture because he's in prison? Does he not remember how he met Lacey? I mean, I get he's not the sharpest tool in the shed but they've only known each other for like 3 months, right? Did too much tattoo ink go to his head? And of course he and Lacey got their named tatted on each other "down there." Please. Lacey was going to get Chon's name tattooed on her but only got the "J"? Um, why? Did she have to go home to get a dictionary to see how to spell John? Clint looks like a meth-ed out rat. Are his parents supporting him and My Goddess? Because I can't imagine how he holds down a job with the taxing schedule of driving My Goddess around with her crack and then constantly attempting to bail her out of jail. Of course the wee leprechaun (Michael) doesn't go for cheating (or chee-un). At least not for anyone but himself. Does he even know what "loyal" means? He doesn't want someone that's loyal because for all her faults (and there are many), Cabbage Patch Sarah was loyal. And continues to be (because she's a dipshit.) I wonder what excuse MeghanMyQueen is going to have for Mike calling Miss Miami when she sees the show. That "girls night out" with Cabbage Patch and Emmy looked pretty sad. Does Cabbage Patch not have any other friends? Did Cabbage Patch say something about looking like a MILF? Girl, I'm all about feeling confident but . . . well, she was like a sexy sack of potatoes to me. Definitely trying too hard. And yeah, I'm sure Mike is going to be so very jelly. Let me roll my eyes into next week. Listen, Cabbage Patch - -turn off his damn phone already. Britney and Marcelino. Boring. Why are they in every show? Angela is a complete dumbass. Does she normally leave her car unlocked and with the windows down? And who do think is knocking at your door early in the a.m.? Probably not someone with a big cardboard check, girl. When Tony is begging to be let in to use your bathroom, it's very simple. You tell him NO, he can go call his prostitute friends. Bad enough he's lying and cheating on you, Angela, but he's also likely to be banging these pros. Worry about your health. But of course she lets him in and puts his stupid rings back on. Her sister is right -- Tony will be back in Angela's smoke-infested bed by end of the day. Clearly Donna Faye got all the brains in that family. Love wins all or whatever Angela said IS complete bullshit. Donna Faye absolutely has Tony's number (as does basically everyone but Angela) and I'm here for it. #DonnaFaye2020.

So apparently if you're in jail in Texas and have an "eating disorder" they give you a sleeveless flak jacket to wear. The More You Know (TM NBC) I think My Goddess' "eating disorder" is she's too busy doing crack to actually eat. And did she sell half her head of hair for some crack? Jeebus. Weed whacker 1, My Goddess 0. Clint looks as if he was pulled directly out of the dryer, still half damp, to film his scenes. I see that Cheryl is now following the My Goddess regimen for health and wellness. She looks like shit. She was skinny before but now she's really skinny. And apparently seeing Angela's dentist. So does Cheryl have the mindset that her two older kids are over 5 or 6, so they don't need things like maternal attention, guidance, care, etc. anymore? Seems like at least Cheryl got the duct tape off her steering wheel, so there's that. But the back window is styling with some cardboard. Never change, Cheryl. Cabbage Patch Sarah ain't fooling nobody. Your divorce isn't "moving forward" because you haven't done anything. And you don't need to get a separate attorney to handle child support/custody issues if you actually have a divorce attorney to begin with. And did this "master manipulator" actually say that she's been paying for Magic Mike's cell phone, car insurance and health insurance? WTF is wrong with you, Cabbage Patch? Cut the leprechaun off already! Good Lord, she's a walking advertisement for codependency and self-esteem issues. MeganMyQueen needs to step up her game. If you're going to go thru his phone, you don't tell him you're going thru his phone. You're giving him the head's up. That's not how you catch a cheater, girl. And no, he's not seeing another woman. He's seeing other women. Why doesn't she question why he's not employed? Of course Lacey leaves her fight with Shane/Chane to go running to John/Chon's house "to talk." Uh-huh. Haven't these idiots been married for, like, 3 months? (And by "these idiots", I'm referring to Lacey and Chane.) If they are having these kind of fights 3 months in, the future doesn't bode well for them. And once again, where are your kids, Lacey? Hiding with Cheryl's kids? Brittany had a crappy childhood, sure. But this show has way too much Brittany and Marcelino. Were Andrea and Lamar on? I guess I really don't care. Having so many lovely couples on this show with just an hour per episode is working against LAL. Portions of the show are about as exciting as Angela's campfire in front of her trailer last week. From the previews, it looks like Cabbage Patch shows up to try and bail Magic Mike out of a fight before the cops arrive. Why? I repeat, WHY? Let the dipshit go back to prison. At least then he'd be a better father, per your own statement, SARAH.

Exactly. See my post above where I said: If Brandon had smashed that cake into Taylor's face he would have gone to the very bottom for me. I hate that shit. Brides generally spend time and money getting their hair and makeup done, not to mention their dress, so to potentially destroy that with cake in the face is tacky and basic.

So I continue to love Derek. Katie's dad clearly liked him. Katie and her drunk bridesmaid obviously both want to jump him. I think he handled the oh-so-scripted sit down with Katie's bridesmaids well. I hate that the producers do that crap. It's embarrassing all around. Nobody's business whether they get busy or not. If Brandon had smashed that cake into Taylor's face he would have gone to the very bottom for me. I hate that shit. Brides generally spend time and money getting their hair and makeup done, not to mention their dress, so to potentially destroy that with cake in the face is tacky and basic. When Taylor was telling Brandon's mom "how much" they had in common, I thought of Jennifer Coolidge's character in Best in Show, describing what she and her geriatric husband had in common: We both like soup, we both like peas. We can spend hours talking . . . or not talking. Okay, Taylor. Meka is ridiculous. Girl, you're 25 years old. If you wait 2 years, you're not going to be the "old" mom. Shit, if you wait 5 years, you're not going to be the "old" mom. You've been married like 10 minutes. Slow your ride. You need to get to know Michael and spend time with him before you think about reproducing. I mean, I can understand Katie wanting to be on the fast track because she said her health condition can make conceiving more difficult as you age but Meka needs to chill. Speaking of Katie, she strikes me as the type who will fall hard and fast for anyone she has physical contact with. So she will probably be writing Katie & Derek with little hearts on everything the morning after the wedding and she's married to someone who's never been in love before. What could go wrong? Mindy -- I have a bad feeling she's going to get her heart shredded. From the previews, I'm going to guess that Zach and one of her friends went out/hooked up, etc., with Zach saying it didn't happen and her friend saying it did. At this point, I think Jessica and Austin have the best chance of making it. They are very well suited, they both seem to like each other as far as appearance and personality-wise. The preview showing an "argument" over Austin going out of town for week seems like manufactured drama. I hope I'm right. My favorite part of the episode was Jess and Mindy running into each other in the ladies' room. Yeah, totally scripted but I think their excitement and joy was genuine. Two hours from MAFS and we're still not fully on the wedding nights? Come on, show! So who did the deed on the wedding night? My guess is Mindy and Zach and Katie and Derek.

And don't forget the big kid - Marcelino.

Both Sarah and Angela can miss me with their "strong woman" bullshit. Sarah, so you're done? Again? How many times have you said that since you've been on this show? No shit the Wee Leprechaun is cheating on you. The bigger news would be if he weren't. You two are supposedly in the midst of a divorce so unless you're checking because of child support, why do you care what he's doing? Sarah's friend needs to pull a MirandaSamanthaCharlotte Sex and the City level of intervention a la when Carrie couldn't STFU about Big. Enough is enough. MeghanMyQueen is a dipshit and I couldn't care less about her but her dad is pretty stellar. He clearly wants to beat the Leprechaun's ass and I am here for it. Tony is absolutely convinced that Angela will take him back because she will. She has zero pride and zero self-esteem. Tony is a cheater and a liar, Angela. That will never change. She also needs to get away from him before she dies of lung cancer. She lights up a cig every time he stresses her out and since that's like 24 hours out of every day, her lungs don't stand a chance. Marcelino is quite impressed with himself, isn't he? Being a model and then being in the military doesn't necessarily give you a wealth of experience (not knocking the military whatsoever.) Wasn't he supposedly writing a book or something his first season? What happened to that? Poker? Lamar has no desire to live in Utah and Andrea has no desire to live in LA. Just end it already. Tennyson and Nala remain the smartest people in this entire series. So we'll finally see MyGoddess next week?

I agree with your first point about the honeymoons. If a couple can't even have a good time in a fun location, they're likely doomed. And if they're already fighting or having issues, it's pretty much a done deal. (Speaking of, are Elizabeth and Jamie from last season still together?) I do think three weeks or a month in isn't really that long. I mean, Jamie was still on the fence about Doug at that point, wasn't she? I'm not sure that Molly went into it with an open mind and honest intentions. She seemed to have marked Jon out pretty quickly. Not as quickly as Heather and Derek but still pretty quickly. On another topic, I wish the show and the "experts" would quit calling this an experiment. They are so quick to remind us a thousand times each show that these are real marriages. Okay, then call them that and not an experiment. An experiment does not make it sound lasting and certainly doesn't call for the repeated reminders that the couples will need to actually divorce if it doesn't work. JMO.

First, the Couples Couch needs to go away. Bravo's The People's Couch can come back though. I am in love with Derek. He seems very sincere, fun, and has a good relationship with his parents. Don't let me down, Derek. Katie turned around very quickly, which makes me think that maybe she transferred her feelings (or whatever) about her ex (or whatever he was) immediately onto Derek, which isn't good. I hope this ex (or whatever he was) doesn't show up during the season and throw a wrench into their relationship. They do look cute together though and seem to have a good bit in common. I am pulling for them. I didn't feel one way or the other towards Austin last week but after watching this epi and hearing his vows (which were gold), I am absolutely Team Austin. I loved that he told Jess they should just have fun and get to know each other and their families at the reception. (I did notice that he first said he couldn't wait for the evening, caught her look, and then quickly corrected to mention the reception. That bodes well since Jess was one that said she wouldn't be having sex on her wedding night.) They apparently share the same geeky sense of humor. Out of the three couples shown so far, I think they have the greatest chance of going the distance. Brandon's vows were a disaster. And I didn't understand why he unbuttoned his jacket on the way down the aisle. No, Brandon. Taylor seems too busy to be married. Maybe she should have gotten a second dog instead? I don't feel these two will make it, at least not yet. Being awkward with a stranger you just married is understandable (although that awkwardness really stood out after seeing how well the two other couples were getting along post-nuptials). I was surprised though. Brandon mentioned being social and going places by himself so I figured he would be able to chat up people easily. At two hours long, I figured we'd see all the couples marrying. Way to drag it out, MAFS. Any idea when they actually married? Taylor and Brandon married in exactly the same place that Katie and Derek did. Wonder if all the couples will honeymoon together like last season?

So this is a nice show to watch along with my favorite watch-in-secret trainwreck Love After Lockup! I am still amazed that this show will cast 25 year olds who are bemoaning wanting to be married for sooooooo long and haven't yet found the right person. You're 25, FFS! Enjoy being single, be selfish, do things for yourself and cool your jets. I do have to laugh about the experts feeling that Katie's illness has made her more mature. Sure. Totally evidenced by the fact that she's ready to go running back to her booty call. I hope she doesn't break Derek's heart because he seems super cute and chill. (But of course, experts, match the dude who's never been in love with Katie.) I like Mindy a lot, teeth and all, but I have a bad, bad feeling that Zach (I think?) is going to break her heart. I hurt for her already that her parents aren't attending the wedding. Austin seems dorky-cute but I hope his mom won't be an issue. He does remind me of Bobby Dodd, who is my absolute favorite MAFS husband of all time. Jessica seems okay but she wants to get married because her sister is? Not a good reason to get married, sister. And her sister actually said to her, yeah, I encouraged you to try out for MAFS but I didn't actually think they were going to pick you! Ha! Michael seems like a nice man. Hopefully Meka won't be too young for him (another 25 year old!) They could be the Greg and Deonna of this season, where they are obviously well matched and will stay together with very little drama. Brandon seems amazing so I hope he won't turn out to be the major douchebag of the season. I like Taylor okay although a few things she said seemed kind of arrogant. For once, I actually like all the wedding dresses. None seem ill-fitting or with hooters hanging out. I really wish they wouldn't stretch all this out and just get right into the weddings. Are we taking bets yet on who will go down in flames first? BTW, I had to snort with laughter over the experts' bragging about EIGHT matched couples that stayed together. Out of how many??

I am giddy that my secret watch-in-private guilty pleasure is back on! Lacey and Shane are having sex 5-10 times a day? No wonder Shane is drinking everything in sight. And never mind working - - who's watching Lacey's kids when those two ass clowns are boning all day? I guess Lacey loves being a mom so long as "being a mom" equals posting pics of your kids on Instagram. Yeah, Shane, getting a job is hard. Not as hard as, you know, being a father but it's hard. Of course it always helps to actually apply since most employers don't go door to door (not that you would answer because you'd be busy drinking and/or boning.) So Lacey and Shane have been married for 2-3 months and she's already phoning up John? Given that she called John 5 minutes before she walked down the aisle, this isn't surprising. A ho is going to do what a ho is going to do. I don't believe for a moment that Angela will stand firm on kicking Tony out so her strong woman bullshit is just that -- bullshit. If she's really surprised that Tony has been cheating, she needs to go back to school with "what's an embryo" Shane. Honestly, I could smell the cigarette smoke through my tv every time we saw the inside of Angela and Tony's love shack. Does she EVER stop smoking? Sarah hasn't changed one bit. She would still clearly take Magic Mike back in a second. Sarah, please call Lacey for the name of her doctor so you can get your tubes tied. You don't need any more children. How stupid is Sarah anyhow? Does she truly believe that wee little Michael is going to invest anything in her or their children? She's nothing but a receptacle for him when he needs to get his rocks off and MeghanMyQueen and his other side pieces aren't available. I see that Marcelino is still a controlling ass since Brittany wasn't allowed to name her own child.