S05.E13: Ambush

[OnceSane]

Quote

Schwartz tries to make peace between Ariana and Stassi; Jax, Scheana, Kristen, and two alleged mistresses ambush James and ruin his gig; Lisa gives Katie advice; Schwartz gets his prenuptial agreement and learns he doesn't have much to protect.

[whydoievencare]

Seeing James's mother - I get why James is such a creep.  She tells him that everyone IS jealous of him (just like James has told everyone all the time)!  Then she says that karma will get Kristin - "she won't be able to have kids".  Who says that?  She's just as poisonous as her evil spawn.  The evil apple does not fall far from the evil tree.

Edited January 31, 2017 by whydoievencare

[ivygirl]

Did that prenup lawyer just wake up? I mean it looked like he was yawning and wearing his PJ's. I know they often say lawyers won't even get out of bed unless they get a certain amount of money, but he apparently took that super literally after hearing how much Katie and Tom had in their accounts.

Also not getting the "dirty pink." Looked fairly purple to me? Does blue make things dirty?

Schwartz's lack of consideration was in full effect tonight. He was more interested in defending Ariana than he was in considering Katie's feelings. 

My favorite part of the DJ Muppet Baby set was Sandoval's reactions to everything. Especially the indignant "you knew he had a girlfriend!" Like, the way Ariana knew YOU had a girlfriend? 

[Primetimer]

The SURvers bring an assortment of issues to the table, with mixed results.

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[Sai]

I don't get why the two girls at the club went up to James' girlfriend and were getting all in her face.  If the cheating story is true, she's not the one who cheated, James did.  So why are they all angry with her?  Stupid, immature, thirsty girls.  

[chick binewski]

Mama Brit, you lose a million points for not throwing a bowl of Tostitos at Jax. 

Katie, shopping is not curating.

Jax - between the dust blowers and water chucking you have as firm a grasp on religion as your president. Just go with the Suitfellas (WTF?) tailor for your steroid-fit jacket and STFU. kthxbai.

[Guest]

22 minutes ago, ivygirl said:

My favorite part of the DJ Muppet Baby set was Sandoval's reactions to everything. Especially the indignant "you knew he had a girlfriend!" Like, the way Ariana knew YOU had a girlfriend? 

Well his other option would lead to 'like you knew you had a  girlfriend." 

[Ubiquitous]

As much as I dislike DJ Muppet Baby, I thought Kristen taking those girls to his workplace to harass him was wrong.

I chuckled at successful businesswoman Lisa Vanderbucks telling us about her expertise at painting as they painted around the wall decorations and light switch plates on the wall while the other guy was painting the walls a mustard color.

[Sun-Bun]

No lie: I burst out laughing when DJ James started in on his darling little rap number at his big gig. It was just so delightfully awful in that 1990's David Silver from "Beverly Hills 90210" sort of way---fascinatingly embarrassing and hilarious all at once:

Now if only he'd thrown in a cover of "Be My Love", it'd have been perfection.

Edited January 31, 2017 by Sun-Bun

[Thumper]

I only 1/2-watch this show.  Isn't James trying to change his life around?

So what's the purpose of bringing two of his former sleep partners around to confront him and his new gf?

I am not a James fan, but it seems he's trying.  (The rapping was "oh no he's not!)

[racked]

James is so deliciously embarrassing! It's wonderful. His rocks for brains girlfriend is only with him to be on this show, so I can't feel too bad for her after tonight's drama. It's literally why she is there.  James' mom is a new level of trash tho. Yes, it's bad karma that makes people infertile. James almost seems like a decent person when you see what he came from. 

Is FI in love with James? He's a little too into defending and saving the dude. 

Very glad Brit's mom is gone. 

Edited January 31, 2017 by racked

[HunterHunted]

1 hour ago, whydoievencare said:

Seeing James's mother - I get why James is such a creep.  She tells him that everyone IS jealous of him (just like James has told everyone all the time)!  Then she says that karma will get Kristin - "she won't be able to have kids".  Who says that?  She's just as poisonous as her evil spawn.  The evil apple does not fall far from the evil tree.

Last season, James said his mother was exactly like Kristen. They are both drunken messes that he has no problem disrespecting in public. Also if James' mom is as similar to Kristen as he said, karma will get Kristen back by giving her an entitled obnoxious little shit of a son.

Apparently dirty pink is WeHo for lilac.

Edited January 31, 2017 by HunterHunted

[SFoster21]

If you make the mistake of sleeping with Kristen, you will never be free.  If she has a bored moment, she will concoct an elaborate plan to embarass you in front of your girlfriend, preferably at your place of employment.  Just cuz she can.  WTF?

[WhosThatGirl]

Sorry Ariana's horse story didn't make me like her any better. And then she thinks she's being a cordial person when talking to Stassi at the painting place? Okay.

Also.. FI Katie didn't exclude Ariana from bridesmaiding, most of the girls have interviewed that she has made tons of comments about how she doesn't like being a bridesmaid.

No one looked good on this episode tonight. They all bugged me.

[Misslindsey]

I could not stop laughing at James' "rapping"! It was hilarious! I loved everyone's reactions to it. 

From what little I gathered was that the two girls who slept with James were going to wherever it was James was playing to confront him and the rest were tagging along to see the drama. I missed the Jax/James interaction. Did James kick him or something? I saw Jax throw the drink, but missed the rest. FI Tom certainly likes to defend James. I know Jax and co. went there to screw with James, but I do not think they are the ones that got him fired from Sur/Pump, especially since Lisa gave him so many chances.

I am not a big Ariana fan, but I actually like that Ariana does not care about Stassi. If they are hanging out in a group they do not not have to interact much or just be cordial. I was fine with how Ariana was treating Stassi at the paint thing. I do not understand why it is such a big deal to Stassi that Ariana either like her or get along with her. I did not watch the first two seasons of this show, but were Ariana and Stassi ever really friends? I thought Ariana looked more happy horseback riding than I have ever seen her look on the show.

I give zero fucks about Katie's reaction to Ariana being a groomsmen and Ariana hanging with the guys. I am disliking Katie so much now that I do not care who gets under her skin. I wonder if the whole Ariana issue would be a problem if Stassi was not in the picture.

The lawyer that Tom and Katie went to did look rumpled, but I loved his reaction to their finances. 

Oh Scheana I bet you wish you got a prenup now. Though I have no idea the details of her divorce, so things may have worked out for her.

I am not complaining that Lala has been MIA, but I got the impression that Lala's exit was going to be more of a thing. However many episodes ago that we last saw her, if that was indeed her exit it was a non-event.

Edited January 31, 2017 by Misslindsey

[Pachengala]

Up is down, down is up, and lawyers are heroes because this week's VPR has me all in the Upside Down. First, I haaaate Ariana but suddenly she's both a national treasure AND the vox populi in not capitulating to Stassi's puerile and unbecoming manipulations--and frankly girl, you're too old to pull this off--and basically cutting her off at the knees. Stassi, you're embarrassing yourself.

Second and far more disturbing, I find myself unexpectedly and distressingly Team James tonight. JUST tonight. But, like, GG put hands on him first, and Jax threw a glass first. James is a dick, but other messy bitches brought their shit to his door, by way of throwing the first punch. James, enjoy it while it lasts.

[HunterHunted]

7 minutes ago, Misslindsey said:

I could not stop laughing at James' "rapping"! It was hilarious! I loved everyone's reactions to it. 

From what little I gathered was that the two girls who slept with James were going to wherever it was James was playing to confront him and the rest were tagging along to see the drama. I missed the Jax/James interaction. Did James kick him or something? I saw Jax throw the drink, but missed the rest. FI Tom certainly likes to defend James. I know Jax and co. went there to screw with James, but I do not think they are the ones that got him fired from Sur/Pump, especially since Lisa gave him so many chances.

Oh Scheana I bet you wish you got a prenup now. Though I have no idea the details of her divorce, so things may have worked out for her.

GG and Ellie were going to be there whether or not Kristen or Jax showed. GG already had a screaming match with the Muppet in the middle of a SUR dinner service and Ellie continued to fuck James after he said that he would lie and ruin her if she told anyone about having sex with him as he was having sex with her. And then she took a selfie to prove that it happened. GG and Ellie have been following James and Lala's rules for joining the cast: 1.get involved sexually with a cast member, 2. be drunk, and 3. have a messy public fight about your relationship.

You could tell how Kristen, Carter, and Jax positioned themselves that they planned on watching the fracas, but not being involved. Jax threw his drink at James, but I think James threw his actual glass at Jax because Jax does this weird ducking movement in response to James.

[kdl88]

I don't really blame Jax for getting upset when they were grilling him.  That is none of Brittany's mom's business, and the fact that their family is really religious does nothing to make it her business.  

[ScoobieDoobs]

45 minutes ago, kdl88 said:

I don't really blame Jax for getting upset when they were grilling him.  That is none of Brittany's mom's business, and the fact that their family is really religious does nothing to make it her business.  

Jeez, fuck you, Church Momma, for making me take Jax's side.  And also fuck you for your homophobic bullshit attitude.  Did Jax look about 2 seconds from throwing her fat ass outta his place?  He also looked about 2 seconds from saying Brit was getting fat on his dime.

So Jacqueline Kennedy (I know that's not her name), you really think everyone is jealous of your talentless alcoholic loser son?  Get a clue, hun.

Wait a minute, is it possible Schwartzie & Katie are worth so little?  Really?  Do they spend all their Bravo dough?  Or is Bravo still not paying them much?  Seems hard to believe.  That scene didn't make sense.

[Marley]

James needs to stop saying he has a residency. You got a probably part time job djing at a restaurant. Also no one is jealous of you. Like at all. Actually everything thinks you're a joke and are fun to laugh at.

Those girls that ambushed his gf though were super pathetic. It was kind of embarassing watching them try to talk shit. James of course has to go crazy though and starting getting really mean and throwing bottles. I'm pretty sure he threw a bottle at Jax.

James rapping though was comedy gold! I will be laughing about that for a bit.

I kind of understand where Tom S is coming from but he needs to tone down the James defending because I like Tom S and he needs to realize James is a damn jackass.

Lol at Scheana judging prenups. She's prob wishing she had one of those right about now.

[zoeysmom]

1 hour ago, ScoobieDoobs said:

Jeez, fuck you, Church Momma, for making me take Jax's side.  And also fuck you for your homophobic bullshit attitude.  Did Jax look about 2 seconds from throwing her fat ass outta his place?  He also looked about 2 seconds from saying Brit was getting fat on his dime.

So Jacqueline Kennedy (I know that's not her name), you really think everyone is jealous of your talentless alcoholic loser son?  Get a clue, hun.

Wait a minute, is it possible Schwartzie & Katie are worth so little?  Really?  Do they spend all their Bravo dough?  Or is Bravo still not paying them much?  Seems hard to believe.  That scene didn't make sense.

I blame Brittany for taking Jax to task in front of her mother.  What does she contribute?  Brittany's mom is the worst.  Then of course Jax screws up any good will earned by giving Church Momma the heave ho by stalking James.

If they are not jealous of James (escapes me) there is something seriously wrong with a group of thirtysomethings  showing up at James venue and doing what they did.  Kristen was so proud she got James kicked out.  I don't know what kind of limp dick loser Kristen is dating right now but to join his psycho girlfriend in stalking her ex, and intentionally hurting James present girlfriend, is just being a low base human being.  Let the guy be.

It will interesting to see if LVP weighs in.

My guess is Katie and Schwartz blew their wad on their ridiculous wedding and a big chunk of change is withheld until after they complete filming.  I think Schwartz realized Color Book Katie is fairly irresponsible when it comes to spending and doesn't want to be on the hook when this glorious ride ends.

Edited January 31, 2017 by zoeysmom

[Rosebud1970]

I don't know about anyone else, but I just LOL'd at Schwartz insisting on a prenup that cost as much as the sum total of the assets he was looking to protect. The two of the at the lawyer's office was just the most pathetic thing ever.

But that lawyer, tho. He looked like Bravo had scraped him up off a bus bench, gave him a yellow pad and set him down in the room with the two of them.

[bichonblitz]

Hey, Stassi. Ariana doesn't like you. You mean nothing in her world. Get over it. 

I wish VPR would stop with the mom's. Not interested in what they have to say. 

5 minutes ago, Rosebud1970 said:

But that lawyer, tho. He looked like Bravo had scraped him up off a bus bench, gave him a yellow pad and set him down in the room with the two of them.

And they were in Beverly Hills no less! Maybe that's the best Katie and Schwartz could afford. Although, you would think Lisa, with all her connections, could refer them to the best lawyer in town.

[queenjen]

I think it's appalling that another wedding is going ahead, when there's a cautionary tale in the midst of this group already. These people really believe that The Wedding is the golden ring. And there is an industry all around them happy to keep blowing smoke up their jaxies. Like the flower guy this episode '6k?! Ooooh, a small wedding' and Katie's face falls and they will be spending more than 6k. I don't think either of them have a clue about what the prenup is actually for, because neither of them have visualised past The Big Day!!!!!! So, when the debts start cascading, they probably better have a prenup in place. Even though this is a Wedding by Bravo, I suspect that the bride (and possibly the groom too) really like to spend whatever ephemeral dough comes in. It's sad because they have no marketable skills outside being waitstaff and the couple of years being on this show that's left to them. 

Katie is really loving lording it over those nasty girls in her circle. She gets this look in her eyes when she's about to make a mean girl ruling, like she did between Stassi and Ariana. Her fiancee needs to run, but he isn't going to. I perked up a little bit when he called her a bitch last episode, but she swiftly yanked his chain and it's back to 'bubba this' and 'bubba that'. This isn't how adults have a relationship!! I'm finding the fixation with weddings on this show really disturbing. Everytime I look at the terror in Scheanna's face as she tries to find meaning in her postmarriage life, it reminds me. Given this whole season seems to be based around the wedding, it can't be avoided. 

1 minute ago, bichonblitz said:

And they were in Beverly Hills no less! Maybe that's the best Katie and Schwartz could afford. Although, you would think Lisa, with all her connections, could refer them to the best lawyer in town.

They did, that guy had a SAG card for sure! What a mess. 

[Ubiquitous]

6 hours ago, racked said:

James is so deliciously embarrassing! It's wonderful.

Did anyone see how many people were in the audience, save for employees of successful businesswoman Lisa Vanderbucks and his two exes?

31 minutes ago, bichonblitz said:

And they were in Beverly Hills no less! Maybe that's the best Katie and Schwartz could afford. Although, you would think Lisa, with all her connections, could refer them to the best lawyer in town.

Multimillionairess Mogul Lisa Vanderbucks probably did, but they ended up with Bob Loblaw instead b/c he was in their price range.

[yourmomiseasy]

I'm so confused.  How was paying Kristin in cash in front of everyone a huge dis?  

[whydoievencare]

4 hours ago, Marley said:

I'm pretty sure he threw a bottle at Jax.

 

I had to watch that segment a few times to understand what happened - at first I though James had spit at Jax and Kristin - and we all know he's a spitter.  But I think it was a either a bottle or a glass.  

[ghoulina]

The big question of the night is - who's scarier to look at? Frosted lipstick/hamburger face Brittany's mom? Or catfish mouth/alien forehead James's mom? 

Both of them suck, beyond their looks. I don't like Jax, but Brittany's mom is really pushing it with him. The constant church pressuring is annoying as hell. Plus, badgering him about his past. I know he's on a reality show, but he hasn't ever really seemed to want to talk about this dude. What if he IS bi-sexual? Is it her place to out him? No. Just let it go. And Brittany chose to fight in front of her mother too, she's not this special snowflake trapped under the thumb of an evil demon. 

And James's mom wishing barrenness on Kristen. Wow. That was super low and uncalled for. I mean, I got no love for Kristen, but as someone who struggled for 1.5 years with trying to conceive, I could never wish such a thing on another woman, no matter how much I disliked her. James's mom explains a lot about the way he is. 

It's now totally clear why Ariana is such a condescending snob to everyone. She's a horse person, didn't you know??? 

No, she really is a bitch. She thinks it's super cool to be all aloof and tell people straight up that you don't like them. And I am not a huge Stassi fan, but when you have mutual friends in common, can't you fake it just a bit? Who's it hurting? Because, as it is, she's making things super uncomfortable for Schwartz and Katie. 

The final scenes, at James's performance - now THAT is the VPR I know and love. That was everything I want out of this show and more. So so so much goodness! I totally think Kristen told those girls to come up there, and call James out, and I'm so glad to see some of her psycho ways resurfacing. 

Best moments of the fight:

"Isn't it a quality of Miss USA (was James's girl a pageant queen???) to be like.....feminism?"    What???

Sandoval : "Go get a drink, you're thirsty as fuck!"    Zing!

James, leaving the bar : "I need my suit jacket, it's Gucci."   Is your sweaty, moth-ridden shirt Prada????

Edited January 31, 2017 by ghoulina

[RHJunkie]

Listening to James' mom explains a lot about why he's such a douche. His rapping was...lol...and his temper was expected but I don't agree with everyone showing up just to see the confrontation between those two idiots and his girlfriend. The fact that they went after the girlfriend when they were willing participants in cheating with her boyfriend shows how pathetic and bottom of the barrel they are. And why is Kristen's boyfriend getting excited about seeing his girlfriend meddle so deeply in her ex-boyfriend's affairs? It also irks me when people think they can do what they want and get offended when the action is even remotely reciprocated. The girl slapped James. James put his hand to her face...didn't hit her but she got so incredulous over it. Dumb broad is going to come across the wrong person one day and she'll realize a very hard lesson than you don't get to put hands on people and expect that no one will ever return the favour.

I actually fault Stassi and Katie over the paint night situation. Getting along doesn't have to mean anything more than being cordial. It's not like it's a group of 3 people and it's awkward when two of them don't really like each other. They're always in larger groups and Stassi, if you care so much about Ariana liking you, how about becoming a redeeming person that's worth liking instead of complaining that someone is calling you on your shit rather than buying it. It doesn't seem like being Ariana's friendship is like hitting the jackpot or anything so what's the big deal?  Katie intervening to throw down her golden gavel like the HBIC, just shut up...you're so exhausting.

[ghoulina]

10 hours ago, ivygirl said:

Did that prenup lawyer just wake up? I mean it looked like he was yawning and wearing his PJ's. I know they often say lawyers won't even get out of bed unless they get a certain amount of money, but he apparently took that super literally after hearing how much Katie and Tom had in their accounts.

That lawyer looked like a corpse that just crawled out of the swamp. I guess that's what you get when you need someone to divide up your $200 fortune. 

[Adultosaurus]

Is this just something I haven't noticed before?  Katie's talking heads seem SO poorly acted this season.  Like she's reading someone else's words and didn't rehearse first.  

[mytmo]

I hate saying this as Jax is a jackass through and through but the way Brittney and her mother treated Jax was wrong.  The push to church will not end until Jax is waving his hands in the air and joins the rest of the judgementals.

[kdl88]

I'm with Sandoval. James is a pathetic loser, but what does that make Jax and Kristen for caring enough about James to set it up?

[bichonblitz]

1 hour ago, mytmo said:

I hate saying this as Jax is a jackass through and through but the way Brittney and her mother treated Jax was wrong.  The push to church will not end until Jax is waving his hands in the air and joins the rest of the judgementals.

Does Brittney go to church even though Jax does not? Maybe somebody should ask Frosty Lips if her precious daughter is in to church because I haven't heard Brit say her religion is so important to her.  I know plenty of couples where one goes to church and the other chooses not to. Not fair to put everything on Jax. Ugggh, can't believe I'm defending him. 

[JenE4]

So Scheana is the one who orchestrates the whole James confrontation--and she's the only one who doesn't even show up?! Or, I suppose the producers set this up and Scheana was the only cast member around to talk with Ellie about her big plan. Apparently James and Sandoval were the only ones not informed by production about what was going down. Once again, I'm Team Sandoval. He's the only person out of this entire bunch who (Members Only jacket aside) has a decent grasp on reality, communication skills, and emotional intelligence, which begs the question why is he friends with these people?! 

Now we know why James is convinced that everyone is jealous of him--because Mommy keeps telling him that. Wow, what a piece of work saying that Kristin's karma will be being barren. I guess her karma was giving birth to James, so I suppose Kristin's fate isn't any worse. But the gang plus Ellie and GG really did seem to prove the point that they ARE all obsessed with James. As Sandoval said, it's not bad enough to get him fired from Pump and SUR; they're now going to follow him around and get him fired from every job?! Thirsty, indeed! 

Sun-Bun, thank you for that David Silver 90210 clip! I needed that laugh!

[ivygirl]

5 hours ago, bichonblitz said:

And they were in Beverly Hills no less! Maybe that's the best Katie and Schwartz could afford. Although, you would think Lisa, with all her connections, could refer them to the best lawyer in town.

I thought perhaps they called Broderick and Ganz, and got Ganz.

8 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

So Scheana is the one who orchestrates the whole James confrontation--and she's the only one who doesn't even show up?!

I saw her there. She made a crack about the show being like an accident you can't help watching. She probably ran away to prevent from getting ice in her eye or tripping on a piece of broken chair.

Edited January 31, 2017 by ivygirl

[HunterHunted]

Sandoval is the only quasi decent person notwithstanding his white hair extensions and his endless cheating on Kristen rather than breaking up with her. As bad as it is for Jax and Kristen to be witness (or party) to attempts to ruin James' ability to work, Sandoval needs to recognize that James is an odious misogynist and at no point has Sandoval checked James on that. Every time Sandoval sees James being an epic asshole, Sandoval gives a weak as fuck "hey man, don't do that" and a           ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. That's not sufficient if you actually care about this dude. James constantly disrespects women as was evident when he got fired from SUR and Pump. He was being openly hostile and disresctful to Lisa, but deferential to Ken. When Ken yelled at him, James kept telling Lisa to calm Ken down. James needs more work than just hypnotism. He needs real therapy.

[biakbiak]

24 minutes ago, ivygirl said:

saw her there. She made a crack about the show being like an accident you can't help watching. She probably ran away to prevent from getting ice in her eye or tripping on a piece of broken chair.

Yeah she came in with Brittany and Jax she just stayed out of the drama after she and Brittany were probably in the bathroom or getting a drink because neither of them were they for the scene.

[Petunia13]

I am going to say something stupid or weird but I see Sandoval's point it takes a monster to kill a monster. I mean what the heck did they expect to happen they know he's an all around asshole and in confrontations turns vile so what they expect to happen by engineering a confrontation at his work in front of his gf? Then act like oh quelle surprise  when James lashes out like a dick. 

[zoeysmom]

23 minutes ago, HunterHunted said:

Sandoval is the only quasi decent person notwithstanding his white hair extensions and his endless cheating on Kristen rather than breaking up with her. As bad as it is for Jax and Kristen to be witness (or party) to attempts to ruin James' ability to work, Sandoval needs to recognize that James is an odious misogynist and at no point has Sandoval checked James on that. Every time Sandoval sees James being an epic asshole, Sandoval gives a weak as fuck "hey man, don't do that" and a           ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. That's not sufficient if you actually care about this dude. James constantly disrespects women as was evident when he got fired from SUR and Pump. He was being openly hostile and disresctful to Lisa, but deferential to Ken. When Ken yelled at him, James kept telling Lisa to calm Ken down. James needs more work than just hypnotism. He needs real therapy.

Don't you think at this point the best description of Kristen and Tom Sandoval's relationship was room mates with benefits or open relationship?  Kristen seemed to do her fair share of screwing around.  He stayed with Kristen when she had no one, was getting punched in the face and incurred the wrath of Jax, Stassy and pretty much everyone.  I think he was over Kristen and just didn't want to leave her hanging.  I don't think Kristen was ever all that into Tom.  Between Tom and James I think she was far more into James.

http://www.bravotv.com/watch-what-happens-live-with-andy-cohen/season-14/episode-20/videos/after-show-steve-aokis-favorite  James when not drinking can behave himself.  He had Christy and John Legend call in and she said he was both the best and worst person in the world, an apt description. http://www.bravotv.com/watch-what-happens-live-with-andy-cohen/season-14/episode-20/videos/chrissy-teigen-calls-in-live  I think it goes more to Sandoval's personality that he just doesn't have the energy or interest to just beat James down.  The line is long with volunteers to do that for James.

What I don't understand is why the SUR servers bang James, when he has a girlfriend, and then complain to her about him.  Is it some sort bizarre audition process?   Eat butt steak, fuck James and brag about it?

[WhosThatGirl]

Eh. I personally don't think FI is a saint. It's weird to me that he considers James a friend. Him and Ariana choosing to be friends with people who say hurtful things to people they consider to be close with is.. confusing me. Also the things he said about Schena and Shays marriage being "over" already and comments about that in the last episode was kind of messed up. The fact that Ariana and FI were on WWHL and didn't make a comment on that is interesting to me. 

No one on this show is a good or decent person but it bothers me when one of them tries to act all high and mighty. And James sober is still an ass, but then again his mother is a piece of work too.  

[ScoobieDoobs]

Wonder what frosty-lipped Church Momma thought of her dear sweet innocent daughter working at Hooters?  OK, I know it's not a strip joint, but I feel sorry for those girls.  They have to wear teeny-weeny shorts & tops & tolerate being leered at by whatever creepy characters for a few nickels & dimes.  But that's OK, Church Momma?  And being near someone who might be homosexual isn't?  Oh, you showed us exactly who you are, Church Momma.

And Brit showed us who she is.  I didn't care for her tone at all when Jax was defending himself.  Was she defending her mother? WTF?  For being homophobic?  Brit is hardly the sweet Southern thing she pretends to be.  She's got a comfy life in LA that Jax (and Bravo) is paying for.  True, she's gotta live with Jax -- and that would be a deal-breaker for most (er, ALL) of us.  But that's the price she pays for life with the chucklefucks.

Guess the chucklefucks have to have a target, right?  Now that Lala is gone (yawn, forgot about her already) looks like Scheana & Muppet James will be it.  I like 'em as the chucklefucks' targets.

I kinda love how Stass is trying to make Ari a target -- and failing miserably.  Not only is Ari not having Stassi's usual predictable nasty bullshit, she's turning it right back on her.  Stassi is so annoyingly smug & overly confident in her TH's.  But she's totally flummoxed by the way Ari is not bothered in the least by Stassi's nastiness.  Nope, Ari coolly, casually, consistently & coherently (a very suprising thing for a chucklefuck to do!) calls Stass out for her nasty bullshit.  Hilarious!  Keep it up, Ari!  A flummoxed Stassi is very entertaining.

Edited January 31, 2017 by ScoobieDoobs

[HunterHunted]

Quote

Don't you think at this point the best description of Kristen and Tom Sandoval's relationship was room mates with benefits or open relationship?  Kristen seemed to do her fair share of screwing around.  He stayed with Kristen when she had no one, was getting punched in the face and incurred the wrath of Jax, Stassy and pretty much everyone.  I think he was over Kristen and just didn't want to leave her hanging.  I don't think Kristen was ever all that into Tom.  Between Tom and James I think she was far more into James.

Kristen and Sandoval cheated on each other endlessly. I expected more out of him because he's the more stable, rational, and empathetic of the two. When they were together Kristen was a drunk unstable garbage person. And you might be correct that Tom stayed with her because she had no one. I would disagree that Tom was more into Kristen. I think these two really did love each other once, but their toxic patterns and friends and relative poverty prevented them from getting counseling. On the subject of her relationship with James, I'm not sure I agree. She spent most of their first year together being completely obsessed with Sandoval. The last part of their relationship saw them being openly hostile to each other. This last part also coincides with Kristen entering therapy. I figure they might have had maybe 3-6 good months together.

I think Sandoval doesn't go hard at James because he mostly doesn't care. He doesn't care enough to go all in. We've seen him when he cares. He's angry or sad, demonstrative, and super weepy like in his Miami conversation with Kristen, his tearful video apology to Scheana, his response to the Pulse shooting, and his upcoming response to Katie being an asshole to Schwartz.

[ScoobieDoobs]

Where did they find that "lawyer"?  Nearby homeless shelter?  Street corner?  

I now realize why this show is so popular.  You can watch & ask -- this is a lawyer?  You might say -- I dress & look better than that.  And you can ask -- Schwartz & Katie are worth only that much?   You can say -- I'm worth more than that.  True, you can still be poor & dress like crap . . . but you're better off than the chucklefucks, so that's something.  Isn't it?

[WhosThatGirl]

The lawyer scene only made me laugh because a person who doesn't watch this show came into the room when I was watching it and sat down to let the dog and this awesome exchange happened between them and myself.

"what are you watching?"

"vanderpump rules. It's a show about all these waiters who work at a restaurant and their lives. These two are getting a prenup"

(the lawyer asks what Katie and Tom are worth, the bank accounts etc)

"why are these two getting a prenup when they don't have anything"

"I really don't know"

[tvfanatic13]

There was so very much snarky goodness in this episode. James' mother, James' performance. Jax and ugly lipstick woman. The prenup meeting. Ariana vs Stassi. Everything! Great episode!!

[yourmomiseasy]

2 hours ago, HunterHunted said:

Sandoval is the only quasi decent person notwithstanding his white hair extensions and his endless cheating on Kristen rather than breaking up with her. As bad as it is for Jax and Kristen to be witness (or party) to attempts to ruin James' ability to work, Sandoval needs to recognize that James is an odious misogynist and at no point has Sandoval checked James on that. Every time Sandoval sees James being an epic asshole, Sandoval gives a weak as fuck "hey man, don't do that" and a           ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. That's not sufficient if you actually care about this dude. James constantly disrespects women as was evident when he got fired from SUR and Pump. He was being openly hostile and disresctful to Lisa, but deferential to Ken. When Ken yelled at him, James kept telling Lisa to calm Ken down. James needs more work than just hypnotism. He needs real therapy.

To be fair James was only deferential to Ken because he was afraid to get his ass kicked.  I don't know how much ass kicking Ken is doing with his replacement hip, but he could probably take James.

[ScoobieDoobs]

24 minutes ago, WhosThatGirl said:

The lawyer scene only made me laugh because a person who doesn't watch this show came into the room when I was watching it and sat down to let the dog and this awesome exchange happened between them and myself.

"what are you watching?"

"vanderpump rules. It's a show about all these waiters who work at a restaurant and their lives. These two are getting a prenup"

(the lawyer asks what Katie and Tom are worth, the bank accounts etc)

"why are these two getting a prenup when they don't have anything"

"I really don't know"

This is a head-scratcher to me.  Didn't Schwartz reference possible future income?  I suspect they think Bravo will be following the chucklefucks for the next 60 years & into their nursing home.  Could that be possible?  And if Bravo is still paying 'em peanuts now, after 5 years, what would change?  Schwartz is cute, but man, he is dumb.

Is it just me -- or did Schwartz look absolutely adorable in this ep?  Sheesh, I guess I should be smacked at least 100 times with a wet noodle for admiring the looks of a chucklefuck.

[OnceSane]

1 hour ago, ScoobieDoobs said:

I kinda love how Stass is trying to make Ari a target -- and failing miserably.  Not only is Ari not having Stassi's usual predictable nasty bullshit, she's turning it right back on her.  Stassi is so annoyingly smug & overly confident in her TH's.  But she's totally flummoxed by the way Ari is not bothered in the least by Stassi's nastiness.  Nope, Ari coolly, casually, consistently & coherently (a very suprising thing for a chucklefuck to do!) calls Stass out for her nasty bullshit.  Hilarious!  Keep it up, Ari!  A flummoxed Stassi is very entertaining.

This cracks me up so much.  Once Stassi went on her apology tour, the Coven couldn't crawl back up her ass fast enough.  But not Ariana.  She gives no fucks, and gives no fucks about giving no fucks.  As long as Stassi doesn't try to do comedy, Ariana is perfectly happy staying in her lane.

26 minutes ago, yourmomiseasy said:

To be fair James was only deferential to Ken because he was afraid to get his ass kicked.  I don't know how much ass kicking Ken is doing with his replacement hip, but he could probably take James.

My arthritic 93 year old grandma could take James…then again, she's former military.

So glad Schwartz and TK have a prenup!  Now they don't have to argue over who gets the last moldy gummy bear under the couch when they split up a year from now.

I think FI Tom is still friends with James because they were friends before the show and he's not willing to throw their friendship away for a mostly-scripted reality show.  It would be almost touching if James wasn't such an unmitigated douche.  And I LOVED Tom during the shopping excursion.  Him faking tears to get a vest had me rolling; especially when he ragged on Schwartz having tears as his kryptonite.

[psychoticstate]

This is the second (or maybe third?) episode in a row I have fallen asleep during.  It does not bode well, VPR chucklefucks. 

From what I saw . . . 

Loved the horse, still don't care for the Nugget.  She's way too self important. Honey, if you were that smart you wouldn't still be working for Lisa (unless she's got a secret plan, besides her drink book) and you wouldn't have been banging FI and engaging in Vegas shenanigans with him while he was still in a relationship with Kristen.   When you make StASSi, of all people, look polite and sensible, there's a problem.

Jax . . is just gross.  It must be the color of their apartment but when he was in that orange shirt against the wall, he looked like he was superimposed or on a blue screen.   I think Brit's mother is wrong to be questioning Jax and I think Brit is wrong to instruct her mother to question Jax.  If her mom is concerned, she should ask Brit . . . and then leave it alone.  Brit is an adult, it's her life she's ruining.   But Jax really needs to stop with the "I support you" crap.  It's clearly an issue with him; if it bothers him that much, maybe they need to move to a cheaper place.  Maybe the futon James was sleeping on is available now?  Or maybe they can move into FI's building? 

Schwartzie and Tequila Katie . . . oy.  Why exactly are they getting a prenup?  Sounds like only their dogs are an issue.  Whatever money they have in separate accounts is considered sole and separate property prior to the marriage.  So their savings accounts pre-marriage should be of no concern.  If they want to continue to keep their finances separate, that's a different ballgame.  I'm guessing they weren't allowed to mention Bravo salary since that would be breaking the fourth wall.   Is Tequila Katie making that much on her blog?   I will say the attorney's reaction to their assets was classic.   Once again, these two should NOT be getting married.