Unpopular Opinions Thread

Diana Berry · October 3, 2018

22 hours ago, biakbiak said:

The Immaculate reception was not in the Super Bowl and was 7 years before the kids were conceived.

Ok so I have no idea now the point of Franco other than the steelers are featured in the show. I wish the show runners would stop being so cutesy.

potatoradio · October 6, 2018

Hi! Sorry I’m late and I hope my seat at this table is still here. I had to take remedial feelz class and go to Pearson worship over the summer.

Was watching a live hellscape on the teevee (aka, the news) and thought, wait a minute. You think you have it bad right now? What about Kate Pearson? She’s fat and self-pitying. Or Kevin? The alcoholic actor nobody takes seriously? Or Randall, who can’t bear being perfect? If you’re going to watch insufferable people complain, wouldn’t you rather have an emo guitar riffing along?

So, OK, I hit the On Demand and watched both episodes and haven’t felt so underwhelmed since I drank my first can of Jolt cola. Expected to be up all night, watching MTV and solving geometry proofs like a Pythagorus himself and instead fell asleep reading a Caitlin series (which, by the way, was a far superior work of art about pretty pouting people who just can’t scratch that hard to reach existential itch)

But, I didn’t go through remedial feelz camp for nothing, so…

If you think you have problems, read on. Get a load of:

Kate

She just got married and hugged her mom, too, but it isn’t long before she discovers another reason that the universe just hates her. The shower curtain has denied her a pregnancy once before and she will be avenged. She and Tobe get their repro parts tested – Tobe is handed a stack of girly mags and sent to the bathroom (seriously, guys, if it’s true that you can get off in a plastic cup shut in a hospital bathroom with beat up centerfold shots while people wait for you…wow, I’m super jealous. I can’t even pee when I know people are waiting). Anyway, she and Tobe Babe visit a fertility doctor who says (in the teevee doctor’s office because this totally wouldn’t happen while Kate was in a gown) “uh-uh. I prefer patients who won’t die on a table.” Surprisingly, Jack Pearson does not bust down the door and say, “I have nine dollars. For nine dollars, doc, you’re gonna make my little girl pregnant and happy.” Oh, sorry. Wrong story line.

Anyway, Kate braves her own party, where she is served a platter of carrots tied up in a ribbon, which is totally the Pinterest envy of all the web. How will they cut that thing? Why isn’t it frosted with low-fat yogurt dip? I am fascinated by this….oh, goddamn it, never mind, here comes the great Pearson howl at the universe moment. Madison shrinks away in terror as Kate blabs to her nearest and dearest friends (?) that she and Tobe Babe can’t have a Babe. She asks,” When do I get a break? When does the universe finally give me a break?”

Universe says: “Please be patient. Your call is important to us. I am currently trying to resolve the situation in the Darfur region and bird flu and plantar warts, but, hey, let me put all that aside because I’ve been so very mean to Jack Pearson’s little Morissette pill…”

Tobe Babe makes a heroic gesture and dumps his anti depressants down the toilet. That’ll show his sperm, damn it. Why taper sensibly when you can turn yourself into an instant, immobilized lump of doom who doesn’t want sex, period?

Anyway the good doctor has a chat with Kate’s insurance company, which tells the doctor she’s crazy for not taking in that cool $20,000 or so off of a desperate patient. And be sure, doc, that you bring them BACK to the office at five so that you can charge an extra $100 for a visit.

And, voila, the universe gives Kate Pearson a break! Now if only the show universe would give the viewers a break, too.

Anyway, this is the perfect situation to show that Rebecca, again, is a piece of shit parent. She says she’s worried about Kate going through such a risky procedure with such a high chance of failure (because we all know how Kate takes failure square on the chin and moves along). There’s a flashback to Kate eating poptarts like popcorn and saying she’s gained 25 pounds. In a moment of rare, do the right thing, Rebecca eats a poptart, too, and says, ‘you’ve been through a rough time. Don’t worry about your weight.’ Oh my god! She’s human! But….wait….no, no, she’s sorry about that. What she should have said was, “you’re right, you pig, now go stuff your face with a salad. My god.” Sigh. Anyway, Rebecca sucks and TobeBabe storms out and then doesn’t show up at Kevin’s big movie and the universe has forgotten, yet again, about Kate Pearson.

Kevin

Is in a movie. Is “knocking boots” (totally a saying a hip, wise ass woman would say) with Zoe, the cousin who, Beth warns, will ‘chew him up.’ I’m wondering when we get the emo guitar version of “Maneater,” but we don’t. Kevin has a flashback to drinking a beer at an empty football stadium, then wandering into an empty school auditorium, where he decides that he wants to act. (again, I want to go to a school where I can wander around after hours drinking beer, but I’m not a Pearson, so….). At his premiere, he asks Randall why nobody takes him seriously. Randall says he doesn’t know because he can’t do anything right, either. Randall’s probably jealous because Kevin is in a movie about Vietnam, which we all know contains a tragic Jack Pearson story and therefore that’s the only reason anyone ever talks about it, but all Randall got was a visit to the Vietnam Memorial. Sucks for Randall. Anyway, Kevin , it’s not that nobody takes you seriously. It’s that you’re boring as fuck and I take being bored very seriously.

Randall

How many Pearsons does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, but he requires an entire apartment complex of good-hearted, poor people gazing at him and two dead dads smiling upon him. Randall chases down a councilman at the barber shop and says he has two dead dads, one of whom is Saint William who will rain bad poetry down from the heavens if you’re not careful. Also, Randall takes Deja on a trip down memory lane and tells her he gets her while Deja cringes and dreams of raising more plants in the dark. Escape the madness through science, Deja. It can happen for you. Also, there’s a mysterious fast forward to Tess and randall “going to see her”. This is the show trying desperately to keep us watching. It’s promising one of those great reveals, but I have a sneaking feeling that maybe the “her” is Zoe, who told Beth to stop trying to make “knocking boots” happen again and is now dead.

Greasy McFeely and Rebecca

Go to a carnival. It rains. Jack can’t afford an umbrella*, though I’m honest to god shocked that he didn’t walk up to random umbrella person and demand one because he’s Jack Pearson and he has to keep his girl dry (oh, dear….well, Jack, many girls will remain dry around you in any kind of weather, but…sorry, sorry, couldn’t help myself). Rebecca says the ‘way he looks at her’ is what melts her heart. Must have been same for Christie Brinkley when she looked at Billy Joel, except Jack has an extra special smokiness to his eyes (courtesy of PTSD). So, really, they should be playing “Uptown Girl” instead of any Springsteen, but young, stupid, love, I guess.

Next: it’s Jack in Vietnam! Let me guess:

(rainy, dark jungle scene)

Rat-a-tat-tat

“FALL BACK!”

Jack: “No! I’m going to save Private Ryan and stop Nazism and order a code red!”

Because, you know, all those other Vietnam movies, television specials and books? They can’t hold a candle to the tragedy that is Jack Pearson losing his brother.

Oh, and also, there were some shots of the Steelers and Harris in particular, who also, I guess, grew up in a family that didn’t have all the advantages. Maybe he’s Zoe’s dad? Or Jack Pearson meets him in Vietnam? Rest assured, the show paid a lot for those shots, so they wouldn’t possibly use them as a red herring or lazy plot device….

*No, there was not an emo guitar riff on the "Umbrella - ella - ella" song, either. Though that would have been impressive and the only thing besides the crown rack of carrot that wasn't underwhelming. Noted that the music was distinctly more bluesy and less invasively emo. Spicy, this music design is...

*Waves at @laurakaye. How was your summer? Who do you have for homeroom? Also, are your coworkers at the water cooler still enthralled with this show or have they moved on to "A Million Little Things," the ABC version of the great (mostly) white rich whiners, this time with suicide?

Edited October 6, 2018 by potatoradio

izabella · October 6, 2018

2 hours ago, potatoradio said:

Go to a carnival. It rains. Jack can’t afford an umbrella*, though I’m honest to god shocked that he didn’t walk up to random umbrella person and demand one because he’s Jack Pearson and he has to keep his girl dry

The whole time I"m thinking, WHO HANGS AROUND A CARNIVAL IN THE RAIN? FOR WHAT?

SunnyBeBe · October 6, 2018

When you're low on money, I find it odd that you would go to a place where each thing costs money.

doodlebug · October 6, 2018

1 hour ago, SunnyBeBe said:

When you're low on money, I find it odd that you would go to a place where each thing costs money.

Yeah, Jack knew he only had 9 bucks, it made no sense to hit a carnival, in the WINTER, knowing he would run out of cash so quickly. And staying outside in the rain in December is not a date, it’s an ordeal.

ShadowFacts · October 7, 2018

1 hour ago, doodlebug said:

Yeah, Jack knew he only had 9 bucks, it made no sense to hit a carnival, in the WINTER, knowing he would run out of cash so quickly. And staying outside in the rain in December is not a date, it’s an ordeal.

In my neck of the woods, carnivals don't happen in December. They are strictly a summer/early fall thing. Because no one would go (Midwest).

ChromaKelly · October 7, 2018

14 hours ago, doodlebug said:

Yeah, Jack knew he only had 9 bucks, it made no sense to hit a carnival, in the WINTER, knowing he would run out of cash so quickly. And staying outside in the rain in December is not a date, it’s an ordeal.

Right? A carnival isn't exactly a cheap date, everything costs money. And the rain. And December. Go get a cup of coffee and sit and talk (not in the cold rain).

PRgal · October 7, 2018

16 hours ago, ShadowFacts said:

In my neck of the woods, carnivals don't happen in December. They are strictly a summer/early fall thing. Because no one would go (Midwest).

We have outdoor holiday markets here, but I don't think they were that big back in the 70s. And you're not going to get candied apples or anything like that. And Toronto is usually warmer than many parts of the Midwest in November and December. Also, that carnival didn't look like a holiday market.

laurakaye · October 10, 2018

On 10/6/2018 at 1:12 PM, potatoradio said:

*Waves at @laurakaye. How was your summer? Who do you have for homeroom? Also, are your coworkers at the water cooler still enthralled with this show or have they moved on to "A Million Little Things," the ABC version of the great (mostly) white rich whiners, this time with suicide?

I tried to quote my fave parts of your recap and then just gave up because it was all awesome. Remember that one time when we were going to play "Real or Snark?" I'm not even sure if we can actually play anymore, because it's ALL REAL. If I hadn't ~~occasionally glanced up at the show while trying to level up on Candy Crush~~ watched these two episodes, I would've smirked and rolled my eyes at your recap, knowing there is no way that any of this stuff really happened (rainy insta-love carnival, Tobe dumps all the meds, Dr. Baby tells Kate that she will be the one exception to her rule, etc). But no. It's real. All of it. Because the Pearsons are at once both the most persecuted family ever, but also the specialist snowflakes that ever flaked. No wonder they are so full of angst.

I have Jones for algebra-trig........Dooooooooom, I am NEVER going to get into Berklee at this rate.

And I have heard no water-cooler talk as of yet. Maybe they just stop talking when I walk in the room.

On 10/6/2018 at 6:16 PM, SunnyBeBe said:

When you're low on money, I find it odd that you would go to a place where each thing costs money.

Your logic is sound and reasonable and has no place in the world of Jack Pearson.

Edited October 10, 2018 by laurakaye

topanga · October 10, 2018

On 10/6/2018 at 1:12 PM, potatoradio said:

Kevin has a flashback to drinking a beer at an empty football stadium, then wandering into an empty school auditorium, where he decides that he wants to act. (again, I want to go to a school where I can wander around after hours drinking beer, but I’m not a Pearson, so….).

You made me do a spit take while I’m sitting at work computer, supposedly working. My co-workers are now wondering what’s wrong with me. ??

1 hour ago, laurakaye said:

Because the Pearsons are at once both the most persecuted family ever, but also the specialist snowflakes that ever flaked.

Exactly. LOL

Neurochick · October 10, 2018

Here's my UO, I like Zoe and I don't think she's petty or a sociopath.

topanga · October 10, 2018

1 hour ago, Neurochick said:

Here's my UO, I like Zoe and I don't think she's petty or a sociopath.

I totally agree

Katy M · October 10, 2018

1 hour ago, Neurochick said:

Here's my UO, I like Zoe and I don't think she's petty or a sociopath.

I haven't formed an opinion of her one way or the other, tbh. We've barely seen her, really. But, I think people are really stretching at sociopath.

October 10, 2018

1 hour ago, Neurochick said:

Here's my UO, I like Zoe and I don't think she's petty or a sociopath.

I'm mixed on her. I really liked her at first, but then Beth said she can be trouble and I trust Beth. :) But I haven't seen anything to make me think sociopath. Using connections to meet someone you think is special is pretty normal, especially in the entertainment industries I think. Also, she's not (as far as we see) telling Kevin she's madly in love with him as a way to manipulate him into getting perks. She's been pretty open about what she is and isn't interested in.

CleoCaesar · October 10, 2018

I've amassed so many UOs in this so-far mediocre season already. But I'll start off with a benign one:

I find "Katiegirl" a really, really, really annoying nickname.

MsChicklet · October 11, 2018

18 hours ago, deaja said:

Here's my UO, I like Zoe and I don't think she's petty or a sociopath.

Same here. I think she's probably ruthlessly selfish. Not in a soap villain kind of way. But she was abandoned and carried anger and loneliness for a long time. She will put herself and what she wants ahead of everything else because she learned no one else will. And she will always want to be the one who leaves, not the one who is left.

TwoGrayTabbies · October 11, 2018

I don’t know if this opinion is unpopular, but I find the shoehorned Wisdom of St William flashbacks gratuitous and pointless. All they inspire in me is snark. His bass-player analogy made me think of the scene in Being There where Chance’s discussion of gardening is mistaken for a profound metaphor on economics.

topanga · October 11, 2018

18 hours ago, CleoCaesar said:

I find "Katiegirl" a really, really, really annoying nickname

Heh. Is it because it sounds like Jack was in a way infantilizing Kate? Or is just the name itself?

I don’t know if I’d want to be called topangagirl, but a few posters up thread mentioned that for people who grew up without a close relationship with their fathers, it seems really special to be a daddy’s girl.

I grew up without my dad, and I had a friend in high school whose dad sometimes called her ‘Baby Girl.’ Not in a condescending or creepy way, but out of pure affection. And he also pushed her to excel in school and in sports, and he taught her not to take crap from boys. I always admired their relationship.

One difference between Jack and my friend Alicia’s dad is that Alicia’s dad cherished her and doted on her, but he also empowered her. I think Jack really, really loved Kate and wanted her to feel special, but he didn’t empower her to face the challenges of the world. He might have if he’d lived longer.

Ohiopirate02 · October 11, 2018

41 minutes ago, TwoGrayTabbies said:

I don’t know if this opinion is unpopular, but I find the shoehorned Wisdom of St William flashbacks gratuitous and pointless. All they inspire in me is snark. His bass-player analogy made me think of the scene in Being There where Chance’s discussion of gardening is mistaken for a profound metaphor on economics.

I completely agree. William's role has run its course, but with the actor winning awards, he isn't going anywhere.

Katy M · October 11, 2018

57 minutes ago, topanga said:

One difference between Jack and my friend Alicia’s dad is that Alicia’s dad cherished her and doted on her, but he also empowered her. I think Jack really, really loved Kate and wanted her to feel special, but he didn’t empower her to face the challenges of the world. He might have if he’d lived longer.

I suppose he might, but she was 17 when he died. The bulk of the parenting really should have been done. I'm not saying you don't grow and change after the magical year of 18, of course you do. But, most of your personality is formed by that time. After that it's all overcoming your ingrained tendencies. I've seen the question a lot of what would the big three be like if Jack had lived longer, but I think a more interesting question, especially in Kate's case, is what would they be like if he had died sooner? Say when they were 5.

Neurochick · October 11, 2018

1 hour ago, topanga said:

One difference between Jack and my friend Alicia’s dad is that Alicia’s dad cherished her and doted on her, but he also empowered her. I think Jack really, really loved Kate and wanted her to feel special, but he didn’t empower her to face the challenges of the world. He might have if he’d lived longer.

I think Jack, like many people do the best they can with what they have. He didn't come from the best home. He had a daughter who was teased because of her weight, and in his mind, he wanted Kate to feel good about herself. Maybe he went about it the wrong way, but hindsight is 20/20.

Katy M · October 11, 2018

37 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

I think Jack, like many people do the best they can with what they have. He didn't come from the best home. He had a daughter who was teased because of her weight, and in his mind, he wanted Kate to feel good about herself. Maybe he went about it the wrong way, but hindsight is 20/20.

Yeah, I highly doubt anybody thinks that Jack had bad intentions where Kate or any of the kids were concerned. Parenting is not an exact science, plus some people overcompensate and tend to do the exact opposite of their parents, some do exactly what their parents do.

potatoradio · October 11, 2018

On 10/10/2018 at 7:58 AM, laurakaye said:

Because the Pearsons are at once both the most persecuted family ever, but also the specialist snowflakes that ever flaked. No wonder they are so full of angst.

Ha! I wonder if NBC realizes that if they went with this description instead of 'most feeliest feelies ever felt while watching a greasy-haired guy pontificate' that the show might actually be interesting? Nah...

Oh, and , the way you handle Jones, @laurakaye, is to walk right out of math class because girls can’t do math, ha ha, and you go to car mechanic class instead and show ‘em how you’ve learned to wipe down an engine from watching Jack Pearson do it. I am disappointed to hear there is no more water cooler talk. Perhaps you’re too much of a rock guitar for their jazz band?

You know what really caps off an awesome day of being treated like a big old slimy puked up hairball by your pet’s vet clinic because you’re fifteen minutes late?* Coming home to find your pet still has mats and a few long nails and you’ve been charged for a curious “time/labor” item that you’ve never seen before. You know your evening’s going to be fan-fucking-tastic as you chase your cat around to get just…one….more….nail as your cat acts like you’re cutting off her leg without anesthesia and gazes at you with wild, ‘why, Mom, WHY’ eyes. Punches me right in the feelz. But, wait…

What is this delight on the Comcast On Demand menu? Why, it’s a fresh, all-new, MUST SEE hour of Pearson for a Day! Hate watching therapy – activate!

This is Rebecca’s mom. She practically wears a beehive hairdo and calls her husband ‘Ward’ and somehow doesn’t need to take the edge off her Pleasantville life with a few valium. I’m shocked, SHOCKED, to see that in the fifties, women were largely dependent on men. I know. It was a helluva thing for me to learn, too….I never knew…

Rebecca burns her bra and starts a union and her first song is “I am Woman, Hear me Roar.” Er….wait…no, that’s just the feminist movement that cleared the way for Rebecca to pursue a singing career with a day job and without a dude around to demand his dinner. Much like “Alice”, but I guess “Stow it, Dingy!” isn’t a very poignant kick in the feelz. Anyway, viva la resistance, watch Rebecca walk out of home ec and into shop class! Oh, if Susan B. Anthony could see her now. Rebecca is rewarded for her girl power by….meeting a guy! I’m gonna need a lotta wine to stomach this cutesy retro shit and an icepack for the anvil that landed on my head. ATTENTION: SEXISM IS BAD!!!!! VERY BAD!!!!! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!! (But don’t forget to land that guy, gals).

Merciful Zeus, we time warp and gone are women who freshen up the children and prepare a highball to please their weary husbands exhausted from martini lunches and smoking at the office. Now, Rebecca finds her shop savior boy, all grown up with a curly, gross moustache and Howdy Doody demeanor, on her doorstep with flowers. It’s totally sweet that he shows up like that, years later, and proclaims that he can’t seem to forget her (her Windsong stays on his mind). It’s not creepy or desperate at all, but worse than that, Jack (THE Jack…you know, the PTSD buzzkill who’s too cheap to buy an umbrella and insists that it’s not raining that hard) sees them together and drives away! Oh, NOES! And you thought irony was dead. Or you thought, ‘I’ve seen more clever plot twists on Three’s Company.’ Depends on how bad your mood is and how much wine you’ve had. Me, I’m kinda wondering if Milo’s had some work done because he looks an awful lot like Bob Sagat’s long-haired, greasy, long lost brother.

But anyway, in a super keen neato way, it all works out because Jack goes home and discovers that, after all these years, he’s had enough of his dad beating on his mom, so he just up and moves her out. She’s a little concerned about not having a coffeecake for her arrival, but other than that, no worries. ATTENTION: WIFE BEATING IS BAD AND ONLY JACK PEARSON CAN SAVE YOU!!!!!!!

I have zero clue where Rebecca even is, but she’s in some kitchen talking to some woman about her singing career and that she wants to move to L.A. because Joni Mitchell. Joni writes a new song that day called ‘Oh, HELL no.’ with the single, ‘you can’t touch this range, little princess.’ Anyway, here comes Howdy Doody to mansplain that Rebecca needs to go to New York instead because he actually has a connection to someone. Yes, that’s actually a better prospect than just being in the same city as Joni Mitchell, but ATTENTION: THIS GUY WILL DESTROY REBECCA’S LIFE! RED ALERT! RED ALERT!

So off Rebecca goes to the store to buy some champagne to celebrate and of course there is only ONE store in the area that sells both champagne and coffeecakes and, what a coinkydink that both the battered women’s house and the nice Pleasantville home are in the same area. And, oh be still my heart, she sees Jack. She asks, straight out of a poor man’s S.E. Hinton novel, what he’s “doing in this part of town.” ATTENTION: JACK IS FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS!!! He’s supposed to be a Journey or Springsteen song, but he’s really more like REO Speedwagon, the College Years. Rebecca starts thinking, ‘oh my god, these dopes are my choices? For THIS, I walked out of home ec?’ Anyway, like most people do when they’re shopping, especially when one’s abused mom is cowering beside the coffeecakes, they start talking dreams.

Jack says he doesn’t have dreams except for making sure his mom is OK and raising a family and having his feet washed and turning water to wine and he just wants to teach the world to sing and buy it banana pudding ice cream. Rebecca’s eyes gleam with the prospect of a fixer-upper boyfriend and who wouldn’t melt when someone, the second time you meet them, goes all hang dog about how messed up their life is? Hawt. Rebecca decides to adopt a puppy and head to L.A. on her own and…nevermind. She disappears when Jack turns around to, oh, sweet sorrow, maybe reach out with his tremulous little heart. So Jack buys his mom a coffeecake and a VHS of the Burning Bed and says, ‘Farah Fawcett wouldn’t have had to do all that if she’d had me in her life.’

I want coffeecake now.

But first, let’s watch Rebecca talk to Howdy Doody’s mother in the kitchen (a woman’s place, get it?) about how she just has a ‘feeling’ about that greasy guy who’s all mysterious about ‘Nam and is such a saint he dares not have dreams for himself. Of course, Howdy Doody’s mom is still zonked on Miltown and placidly nods as Rebecca says her son is just kinda a boob. She (vaguely) remembers meeting her own kind husband and what a relief it was to meet a kind man after her dad told her no science for you, woman! Now, I’m thinking Howdy Doody is creepy and all, but he does seem polite, so I’m not sure why his mom is throwing him under the bus and encouraging Rebecca to go with emotional trainwreck Jack, but maybe that’s because we all know kindness isn’t exciting and doesn’t give you “feelings.”

So, buncha stuff, and Rebecca watches Jack roll up his sleeves to WASH THE DISHES. She swoons. She has the vapors. She nearly passes out at the sight of a man soaping up the dinner plates. Seriously, isn’t this the goddamned 60s or 70s by now? Has she just been released from her own version of the Truman Show? For a change, instead of an anvil, a chyron crawls across the screen: JACK IS GOOD. JACK IS NOT SEXIST. YAY, BUBBLES! HE’S GOING TO GO TO L.A. WITH REBECCA AND NEVERMIND MOM JUST OUT OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP SHE’S ALL GOOD NOW.

And that’s the end of the backstory that wasn’t nearly ready for primetime, but whatever. Ladies, the show brought us Milo holding a dishrag. What more could you possibly want?

Oh, you’re curious about the self-absorbed twue wuv spawn? Okay then.

Randall

At first, I think Beth is legit playing Mystery Science Theatre as she narrates exactly what Randall will do about his outburst with Kate. Except she’s not kidding. No, Randall hops on a plane to go apologize to Kate in person because he asked her why in hell adoption isn’t good enough for her and she got pouty and god knows, when Kate gets pouty, the universe has some ‘splainin to do, so off Randall goes spending money on a last minute flight to say ‘sorry’ before Kate possibly dies under the knife. She’s mollified a bit and Randall and Tobe Babe have a Man Talk about their Emotions. They thump chests and say Real Men Cry. Rock on, bros. Then, before he can say, ‘I’m going to go build Beth a SheShed’, he gets a call and apparently the evil councilman hasn’t lived up to his word and the poor people still don’t have light and now someone’s gone and beaten up the girl we met, I think, one ep ago? In any case, Randall is now in a different hospital, by her bedside (the magic of buying last minute plane tickets on one income!) and the woman who told him he’s an idiot in the last ep now tells him he needs to do something. Oh, lady, you shouldn’t have. God help us all because now Randall wants to run for office and replace that shithead who obviously likes to torture the poor. Randall adopts everyone from William’s own complex, runs for President and solves Beth’s new unemployment problem by appointing her director of HUD. He’s Jack like that, you know…

Beth gets fired and has a visit from St. William who talks about bass players as unsung heroes and I really want to explain to him that in this show, there is no such thing as an unsung hero. These people won’t ever shut the fuck up about Jack or, for that matter, William, so you’re no bass player, William. You’re the annoying smoke people try to ignore and wave away as they listen to music.

Kevin

Rah! Kevin’s movie is a success! Everyone cries and claps and someone says they’ve cancelled the Oscars for the year because obviously Kevin wins and who cares about the Oscars when an NPR goddess wants to interview you? Anyway, Zoe is still around and they’re knocking boots. If you think it sounds exciting reading that, just try watching the damn show. You won’t believe how you, too, can get the same effect of Valium without paying for a prescription! But no worries – Kevin now has a flashback to playing with a grenade in a toy store and having Jack divebomb him and throw him through the window screaming ‘fuck off, Charlie!’ This makes Kevin curious about what exactly went on over there in Vietnam. Those of us who have read a history book or two or at least watched ‘Platoon’ have some idea, but no, surely Jack has an extraordinary story to tell, so lucky us, we get to go along for this ride. Get your Vietnam cliché drinking game ready for next week, folks…as the promo so ominously said, ‘Next week…find out what makes Jack…Jack.” Oh fer crying out loud, show, this isn’t the backstory of Batman or anything, but you go on with your average white guy worship.

Kate

Are you unhappy with your weight? Are you a whining, complaining sourpuss daddy’s girl who makes everyone feel miserable except some deluded guy who’s going to go insane anyway? Does the universe never give you a break and have you been a jagged little pill of a teenager stuck in a grown ass modern day woman’s body? Well, girl, set down the KFC because there’s something better! Anesthesia! Just count back from ten and suddenly you’ll be in a room with your teenaged self, your childhood self, and your daddy will come with ice cream! You don’t even have to be mortified at how you’ve been acting because that’s not the point! The point is, there’s ice cream in dreams now! Just a few minutes of weird-smelling gas and your problems are solved! And it’s all yours for the low low price of $20,000! And you wake up with all the babies you ever wanted! Plus, act now and we’ll include a scene of your doctor telling you sternly to wake up, which is the magic cure that apparently Grey’s Anatomy never knew about, damn you, Dr. Yang. The doc’s words work like a charm because for someone who had trouble coming out of anesthesia, Kate was pretty chipper and alert. The times I’ve come out of anesthesia I’ve been a total drooling, confused heap of WTF, but then, le sigh, I am not a Pearson.

You’d think, after such a transformative experience (which I am quite jealous of, I admit, having gone under anesthesia twice and never once remembering a single dead relative or friend giving me a shout out), she’ll stop trying to be Hope the Mope from thirtysomething and actually turn into a reasonable adult, but….this is us. The universe will disappoint little Katie Girl again, I’m afraid, and this time, no funny gas and TobeBabe catatonic from sudden Prozac withdrawal.

Next week is extra feelz credit for watching a Very Serious Show about a War that Hurt a Lot of People. Including Jack's brother, the saxophonist in alpha company's jazz band that played songs to the people of Vietnam and handed out American flags for them to wave. If there is a single note of an emo guitar playing "Born in the USA," I am not responsible for what happens to my teevee.

*In the eleven years that I’ve taken our pets to that clinic, I have been late exactly one other time because I am quite aware that a clinic’s schedule is held together by duct tape and a prayer and one latecomer can screw up an entire day. I walked in apologizing and the clinic receptionist just gave me a filthy look and I felt about as tall as a maggot on poop. If only Jack Pearson were there to give a good what-for about how this appointment NEEDS to happen and not only will the tech stay well past his shift, it will be done for free. Oh, if only I could take St. William’s advice and learn to be a humble, noble bass player in a jazz band. Why is life so fucking hard?

Edited October 11, 2018 by potatoradio

Cajungirl64 · October 16, 2018

A lot of posters think Jack is being too propped up as a saint and are sick of seeing his backstory as we all now know how and when he died.

My UO: I love Jack and especially Milo's portrayal. He's no saint, although he tries (Randall gets that savior complex from Jack). He's definitely flawed (I think he's a bit on the manic depressive spectrum with his over the top grand gestures and alternately his alcholism to cope with life). It's obvious he had a terrible home life as a child and knowing he loses his brother while they're both serving in a horrific war just adds to the myriad ways Jack COULD have justifiably become one of the many casualties of the Vietnam War (ie homeless vets, PTSD sufferers, etc). And yet, he TRIES so hard to be the best husband and parent he knows how to be, based on his very limited and skewed vision of what he experienced as a child.

My OTHER UO: Rebecca is the REAL saint in all of this, as she saved Jack many times (as we're beginning to see their initial coupling, it's obvious she was a light in a very dark world for him and then again when he was an alcoholic) and she saved her children the best way she knew how after Jack's untimely death. I think one reason Randall views Rebecca so much differently than Kevin and (especially) Kate is because he HAS children and understands how hard it is to be a parent, even under the best of circumstances. I wish Kate would have a daughter of her own: she'd come to see her own mother in a totally different light. She'd understand (because of toby's impending depression arc) how hard it is to care for a child/children and simultaneously have to be the rock for your husband who is struggling with addiction (Jack's alcoholism) or mental illness (Toby's depression). All while sacrificing her own dreams (even though Rebecca did it willingly for the sake of her marriage and her family).

Edited October 16, 2018 by Cajungirl64
Last sentence structure

Cajungirl64 · October 16, 2018

On October 11, 2018 at 12:48 PM, Katy M said:

I suppose he might, but she was 17 when he died. The bulk of the parenting really should have been done. I'm not saying you don't grow and change after the magical year of 18, of course you do. But, most of your personality is formed by that time. After that it's all overcoming your ingrained tendencies. I've seen the question a lot of what would the big three be like if Jack had lived longer, but I think a more interesting question, especially in Kate's case, is what would they be like if he had died sooner? Say when they were 5.

My parents were VERY young when they had me (both only 20). I was blessed to have my Dad until he was 70 and I was 50 and my Mom until she was 73 (and I was 53). I'm 54 now and I can say with all honesty (whether for better or worse), I was still learning from them all the way up to their deaths. If you remain close to your parents (whether through proximity or just communication-wise), they will continue to shape you. In other words, as my parents grew older and changed, so did I. I became stronger through necessity as I was their caregiver. And in the last years of their lives I learned more from them about life in general than in the 50 years preceding. I learned the big stuff: the importance of acceptances and forgiveness, the way to age and die with dignity, and perspective on things that seem so important when you're young but wind up having very little importance in the end. I'm an entirely different person than I was ten years ago; mostly because of those life lessons my parents were still teaching me until the end. Everyone's experiences are different. I have friends who have very little contact with their parents (and some who gave no contact because they can't stand them) so I imagine they were fully parented much earlier. But even though I have my own grown children and a husband and a career that has spanned over 30 years, I know I didn't feel truly "all grown-up" until both of my parents had passed away.

ShadowFacts · October 16, 2018

Cajungirl64, I want to throw confetti on both of your posts. So many good insights. I can relate to much of what you say, I have had a very similar experience and view of the many faces of parenthood. How very thoughtful.

qtpye · October 16, 2018

On 10/11/2018 at 12:48 PM, topanga said:

Heh. Is it because it sounds like Jack was in a way infantilizing Kate? Or is just the name itself?

I don’t know if I’d want to be called topangagirl, but a few posters up thread mentioned that for people who grew up without a close relationship with their fathers, it seems really special to be a daddy’s girl.

I grew up without my dad, and I had a friend in high school whose dad sometimes called her ‘Baby Girl.’ Not in a condescending or creepy way, but out of pure affection. And he also pushed her to excel in school and in sports, and he taught her not to take crap from boys. I always admired their relationship.

One difference between Jack and my friend Alicia’s dad is that Alicia’s dad cherished her and doted on her, but he also empowered her. I think Jack really, really loved Kate and wanted her to feel special, but he didn’t empower her to face the challenges of the world. He might have if he’d lived longer.

On 10/11/2018 at 1:48 PM, Katy M said:

I suppose he might, but she was 17 when he died. The bulk of the parenting really should have been done. I'm not saying you don't grow and change after the magical year of 18, of course you do. But, most of your personality is formed by that time. After that it's all overcoming your ingrained tendencies. I've seen the question a lot of what would the big three be like if Jack had lived longer, but I think a more interesting question, especially in Kate's case, is what would they be like if he had died sooner? Say when they were 5.

It just seems like Kate used Jack as a crutch not to deal with real life and Jack happily played along making her both entitled and insecure without him.

On 10/11/2018 at 3:16 PM, Katy M said:

Yeah, I highly doubt anybody thinks that Jack had bad intentions where Kate or any of the kids were concerned. Parenting is not an exact science, plus some people overcompensate and tend to do the exact opposite of their parents, some do exactly what their parents do.

On 10/11/2018 at 6:42 PM, potatoradio said:

Ha! I wonder if NBC realizes that if they went with this description instead of 'most feeliest feelies ever felt while watching a greasy-haired guy pontificate' that the show might actually be interesting? Nah...

Oh, and , the way you handle Jones, @laurakaye, is to walk right out of math class because girls can’t do math, ha ha, and you go to car mechanic class instead and show ‘em how you’ve learned to wipe down an engine from watching Jack Pearson do it. I am disappointed to hear there is no more water cooler talk. Perhaps you’re too much of a rock guitar for their jazz band?

You know what really caps off an awesome day of being treated like a big old slimy puked up hairball by your pet’s vet clinic because you’re fifteen minutes late?* Coming home to find your pet still has mats and a few long nails and you’ve been charged for a curious “time/labor” item that you’ve never seen before. You know your evening’s going to be fan-fucking-tastic as you chase your cat around to get just…one….more….nail as your cat acts like you’re cutting off her leg without anesthesia and gazes at you with wild, ‘why, Mom, WHY’ eyes. Punches me right in the feelz. But, wait…

What is this delight on the Comcast On Demand menu? Why, it’s a fresh, all-new, MUST SEE hour of Pearson for a Day! Hate watching therapy – activate!

This is Rebecca’s mom. She practically wears a beehive hairdo and calls her husband ‘Ward’ and somehow doesn’t need to take the edge off her Pleasantville life with a few valium. I’m shocked, SHOCKED, to see that in the fifties, women were largely dependent on men. I know. It was a helluva thing for me to learn, too….I never knew…

Rebecca burns her bra and starts a union and her first song is “I am Woman, Hear me Roar.” Er….wait…no, that’s just the feminist movement that cleared the way for Rebecca to pursue a singing career with a day job and without a dude around to demand his dinner. Much like “Alice”, but I guess “Stow it, Dingy!” isn’t a very poignant kick in the feelz. Anyway, viva la resistance, watch Rebecca walk out of home ec and into shop class! Oh, if Susan B. Anthony could see her now. Rebecca is rewarded for her girl power by….meeting a guy! I’m gonna need a lotta wine to stomach this cutesy retro shit and an icepack for the anvil that landed on my head. ATTENTION: SEXISM IS BAD!!!!! VERY BAD!!!!! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!! (But don’t forget to land that guy, gals).

Merciful Zeus, we time warp and gone are women who freshen up the children and prepare a highball to please their weary husbands exhausted from martini lunches and smoking at the office. Now, Rebecca finds her shop savior boy, all grown up with a curly, gross moustache and Howdy Doody demeanor, on her doorstep with flowers. It’s totally sweet that he shows up like that, years later, and proclaims that he can’t seem to forget her (her Windsong stays on his mind). It’s not creepy or desperate at all, but worse than that, Jack (THE Jack…you know, the PTSD buzzkill who’s too cheap to buy an umbrella and insists that it’s not raining that hard) sees them together and drives away! Oh, NOES! And you thought irony was dead. Or you thought, ‘I’ve seen more clever plot twists on Three’s Company.’ Depends on how bad your mood is and how much wine you’ve had. Me, I’m kinda wondering if Milo’s had some work done because he looks an awful lot like Bob Sagat’s long-haired, greasy, long lost brother.

But anyway, in a super keen neato way, it all works out because Jack goes home and discovers that, after all these years, he’s had enough of his dad beating on his mom, so he just up and moves her out. She’s a little concerned about not having a coffeecake for her arrival, but other than that, no worries. ATTENTION: WIFE BEATING IS BAD AND ONLY JACK PEARSON CAN SAVE YOU!!!!!!!

I have zero clue where Rebecca even is, but she’s in some kitchen talking to some woman about her singing career and that she wants to move to L.A. because Joni Mitchell. Joni writes a new song that day called ‘Oh, HELL no.’ with the single, ‘you can’t touch this range, little princess.’ Anyway, here comes Howdy Doody to mansplain that Rebecca needs to go to New York instead because he actually has a connection to someone. Yes, that’s actually a better prospect than just being in the same city as Joni Mitchell, but ATTENTION: THIS GUY WILL DESTROY REBECCA’S LIFE! RED ALERT! RED ALERT!

So off Rebecca goes to the store to buy some champagne to celebrate and of course there is only ONE store in the area that sells both champagne and coffeecakes and, what a coinkydink that both the battered women’s house and the nice Pleasantville home are in the same area. And, oh be still my heart, she sees Jack. She asks, straight out of a poor man’s S.E. Hinton novel, what he’s “doing in this part of town.” ATTENTION: JACK IS FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS!!! He’s supposed to be a Journey or Springsteen song, but he’s really more like REO Speedwagon, the College Years. Rebecca starts thinking, ‘oh my god, these dopes are my choices? For THIS, I walked out of home ec?’ Anyway, like most people do when they’re shopping, especially when one’s abused mom is cowering beside the coffeecakes, they start talking dreams.

Jack says he doesn’t have dreams except for making sure his mom is OK and raising a family and having his feet washed and turning water to wine and he just wants to teach the world to sing and buy it banana pudding ice cream. Rebecca’s eyes gleam with the prospect of a fixer-upper boyfriend and who wouldn’t melt when someone, the second time you meet them, goes all hang dog about how messed up their life is? Hawt. Rebecca decides to adopt a puppy and head to L.A. on her own and…nevermind. She disappears when Jack turns around to, oh, sweet sorrow, maybe reach out with his tremulous little heart. So Jack buys his mom a coffeecake and a VHS of the Burning Bed and says, ‘Farah Fawcett wouldn’t have had to do all that if she’d had me in her life.’

I want coffeecake now.

But first, let’s watch Rebecca talk to Howdy Doody’s mother in the kitchen (a woman’s place, get it?) about how she just has a ‘feeling’ about that greasy guy who’s all mysterious about ‘Nam and is such a saint he dares not have dreams for himself. Of course, Howdy Doody’s mom is still zonked on Miltown and placidly nods as Rebecca says her son is just kinda a boob. She (vaguely) remembers meeting her own kind husband and what a relief it was to meet a kind man after her dad told her no science for you, woman! Now, I’m thinking Howdy Doody is creepy and all, but he does seem polite, so I’m not sure why his mom is throwing him under the bus and encouraging Rebecca to go with emotional trainwreck Jack, but maybe that’s because we all know kindness isn’t exciting and doesn’t give you “feelings.”

So, buncha stuff, and Rebecca watches Jack roll up his sleeves to WASH THE DISHES. She swoons. She has the vapors. She nearly passes out at the sight of a man soaping up the dinner plates. Seriously, isn’t this the goddamned 60s or 70s by now? Has she just been released from her own version of the Truman Show? For a change, instead of an anvil, a chyron crawls across the screen: JACK IS GOOD. JACK IS NOT SEXIST. YAY, BUBBLES! HE’S GOING TO GO TO L.A. WITH REBECCA AND NEVERMIND MOM JUST OUT OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP SHE’S ALL GOOD NOW.

And that’s the end of the backstory that wasn’t nearly ready for primetime, but whatever. Ladies, the show brought us Milo holding a dishrag. What more could you possibly want?

Oh, you’re curious about the self-absorbed twue wuv spawn? Okay then.

Randall

At first, I think Beth is legit playing Mystery Science Theatre as she narrates exactly what Randall will do about his outburst with Kate. Except she’s not kidding. No, Randall hops on a plane to go apologize to Kate in person because he asked her why in hell adoption isn’t good enough for her and she got pouty and god knows, when Kate gets pouty, the universe has some ‘splainin to do, so off Randall goes spending money on a last minute flight to say ‘sorry’ before Kate possibly dies under the knife. She’s mollified a bit and Randall and Tobe Babe have a Man Talk about their Emotions. They thump chests and say Real Men Cry. Rock on, bros. Then, before he can say, ‘I’m going to go build Beth a SheShed’, he gets a call and apparently the evil councilman hasn’t lived up to his word and the poor people still don’t have light and now someone’s gone and beaten up the girl we met, I think, one ep ago? In any case, Randall is now in a different hospital, by her bedside (the magic of buying last minute plane tickets on one income!) and the woman who told him he’s an idiot in the last ep now tells him he needs to do something. Oh, lady, you shouldn’t have. God help us all because now Randall wants to run for office and replace that shithead who obviously likes to torture the poor. Randall adopts everyone from William’s own complex, runs for President and solves Beth’s new unemployment problem by appointing her director of HUD. He’s Jack like that, you know…

Beth gets fired and has a visit from St. William who talks about bass players as unsung heroes and I really want to explain to him that in this show, there is no such thing as an unsung hero. These people won’t ever shut the fuck up about Jack or, for that matter, William, so you’re no bass player, William. You’re the annoying smoke people try to ignore and wave away as they listen to music.

Kevin

Rah! Kevin’s movie is a success! Everyone cries and claps and someone says they’ve cancelled the Oscars for the year because obviously Kevin wins and who cares about the Oscars when an NPR goddess wants to interview you? Anyway, Zoe is still around and they’re knocking boots. If you think it sounds exciting reading that, just try watching the damn show. You won’t believe how you, too, can get the same effect of Valium without paying for a prescription! But no worries – Kevin now has a flashback to playing with a grenade in a toy store and having Jack divebomb him and throw him through the window screaming ‘fuck off, Charlie!’ This makes Kevin curious about what exactly went on over there in Vietnam. Those of us who have read a history book or two or at least watched ‘Platoon’ have some idea, but no, surely Jack has an extraordinary story to tell, so lucky us, we get to go along for this ride. Get your Vietnam cliché drinking game ready for next week, folks…as the promo so ominously said, ‘Next week…find out what makes Jack…Jack.” Oh fer crying out loud, show, this isn’t the backstory of Batman or anything, but you go on with your average white guy worship.

Kate

Are you unhappy with your weight? Are you a whining, complaining sourpuss daddy’s girl who makes everyone feel miserable except some deluded guy who’s going to go insane anyway? Does the universe never give you a break and have you been a jagged little pill of a teenager stuck in a grown ass modern day woman’s body? Well, girl, set down the KFC because there’s something better! Anesthesia! Just count back from ten and suddenly you’ll be in a room with your teenaged self, your childhood self, and your daddy will come with ice cream! You don’t even have to be mortified at how you’ve been acting because that’s not the point! The point is, there’s ice cream in dreams now! Just a few minutes of weird-smelling gas and your problems are solved! And it’s all yours for the low low price of $20,000! And you wake up with all the babies you ever wanted! Plus, act now and we’ll include a scene of your doctor telling you sternly to wake up, which is the magic cure that apparently Grey’s Anatomy never knew about, damn you, Dr. Yang. The doc’s words work like a charm because for someone who had trouble coming out of anesthesia, Kate was pretty chipper and alert. The times I’ve come out of anesthesia I’ve been a total drooling, confused heap of WTF, but then, le sigh, I am not a Pearson.

You’d think, after such a transformative experience (which I am quite jealous of, I admit, having gone under anesthesia twice and never once remembering a single dead relative or friend giving me a shout out), she’ll stop trying to be Hope the Mope from thirtysomething and actually turn into a reasonable adult, but….this is us. The universe will disappoint little Katie Girl again, I’m afraid, and this time, no funny gas and TobeBabe catatonic from sudden Prozac withdrawal.

Next week is extra feelz credit for watching a Very Serious Show about a War that Hurt a Lot of People. Including Jack's brother, the saxophonist in alpha company's jazz band that played songs to the people of Vietnam and handed out American flags for them to wave. If there is a single note of an emo guitar playing "Born in the USA," I am not responsible for what happens to my teevee.

*In the eleven years that I’ve taken our pets to that clinic, I have been late exactly one other time because I am quite aware that a clinic’s schedule is held together by duct tape and a prayer and one latecomer can screw up an entire day. I walked in apologizing and the clinic receptionist just gave me a filthy look and I felt about as tall as a maggot on poop. If only Jack Pearson were there to give a good what-for about how this appointment NEEDS to happen and not only will the tech stay well past his shift, it will be done for free. Oh, if only I could take St. William’s advice and learn to be a humble, noble bass player in a jazz band. Why is life so fucking hard?

Thank you so much for this post! It really helps to laugh after a kind of a shitty day. You need to publish all of your posts together as a companion guide to the show.

It really annoys me that we will probably not be continuing with Beth's storyline with her job and instead will be learning more about Jack. Though since Beth is a Pearson I am sure she already has gotten a much better job by now.

MamaBird · October 17, 2018

On 10/11/2018 at 5:42 PM, potatoradio said:

Beth gets fired and has a visit from St. William who talks about bass players as unsung heroes and I really want to explain to him that in this show, there is no such thing as an unsung hero.

So true. The heroes will be sung and sung, and every special hero will have his or her own special song.

Potatoradio, your recaps are a delight to read. The last time I laughed so much at a TV episode recap was in the old TWOP days, when I read their recap of the ER "Chopper" episode at work. It's a miracle I didn't get fired.

Blakeston · October 18, 2018

I have zero interest in seeing the show "explain" how Jack's father went from a sweet man to an alcoholic monster.

They'd probably give us an extremely dramatic - and oversimplified - explanation, like he witnessed some shocking incident, or he committed a crime for the sake of his family, and then he drank to forget.

I'd love to see a more realistic reason, like the pressures of fatherhood gradually just got to him, or he was generally miserable because he hated his job and became unhappy in his marriage, and then over time he couldn't resist the temptation to drink.

But I have my doubts that the writers are willing to give us anything that subtle.

topanga · October 18, 2018

23 hours ago, MamaBird said:

Potatoradio, your recaps are a delight to read. The last time I laughed so much at a TV episode recap was in the old TWOP days, when I read their recap of the ER "Chopper" episode at work. It's a miracle I didn't get fired.

Agreed. For me, it was the Veronica Mars recaps that had me laughing uncontrollably at work.

What’s becoming an unpopular opinion is that I still really, really enjoy this show. I agree that the writing is far from perfect this season. And I wasn’t crazy about the Vietnam episode (because it focused solely on St. Jack, not because it was about Vietnam). But TIU remains one of my favorite shows on TV.

Trillium · October 18, 2018

1 hour ago, topanga said:

What’s becoming an unpopular opinion is that I still really, really enjoy this show. I agree that the writing is far from perfect this season. And I wasn’t crazy about the Vietnam episode (because it focused solely on St. Jack, not because it was about Vietnam). But TIU remains one of my favorite shows on TV.

I still like it too but I think they are focusing on all the wrong things. Jack and William are great but they are just cramming them in episodes now because “the audience” just loves the actors so much. They really need to learn the “less is more” when it comes to things.

Then there is Rebecca, who I think could be an extremely interesting character, but they’ve shoved her into the background for the other characters to blame for everything. Maybe we’ll get there but Jack’s death episode was nearly a season ago and we’ve still seen very litte of her life post Jack. Even present day Rebecca we don’t know much about other than for her kids to yell at her for not being Saint Rebecca and be pissy at Miguel. If anyone is the saint for putting up with their nonsense for 50+ years, it’s him.

Edited October 18, 2018 by Trillium

ProudMary · October 18, 2018

On 10/11/2018 at 12:16 PM, TwoGrayTabbies said:

I don’t know if this opinion is unpopular, but I find the shoehorned Wisdom of St William flashbacks gratuitous and pointless. All they inspire in me is snark. His bass-player analogy made me think of the scene in Being There where Chance’s discussion of gardening is mistaken for a profound metaphor on economics.

Honestly, I think this is now the popular opinion!

I love William. Whenever I realize we're seeing a flashback where William is alive, my response is, "Ooh, a William scene!"

potatoradio · October 18, 2018

I'm very glad to hear a few people get a laugh out of my hatewatch ramblings - I'm really not a raging yogurt bitch in real life who was raised by a wolf and a wire monkey, but I've been hurt before - my scared little heart once made itself vulnerable to a show called 'Parenthood' and, gasp, I fell for it for a few episodes. And then, it changed. It went all the way to FunkyTown Cheesey Awful Bad and made a mockery of me. I was just barely ready to take a chance again with TiU and then, WHAM: suddenly I'm told not only must I love the show, I'll NEVER RECOVER from the feelzcrying Olympics. Hell hath no fury like a woman told how to feel and what to think, so vengeance is mine....

Was watching Shark Tank. I love me some Barbara Corcoran and Mark Cuban. Wife walked by and asked why I wasn't getting kicked in the feelz. Oh. Thanks, honey. I almost forgot that I'm supposed to care about what makes Jack JACK. I'd rather re-read the Things They Carried because I"m far more interested in what made Tim O'Brien Tim O'Brien or any of the books from the Burns series or even the True Story of How Spackle is Made, but I am not going to choose wisely, am I?

*slowly, slowly lifts remote and changes channel...*

Jack is walking around in fatigues. Yay - we're playing army! Now THAT’S some powerful nostalgia feelz right there. Remember when we were kids and threw our Barbie dolls into trees so that GI Joe would rescue them as he humped around the heliotrope? Gawd, the tears are falling in my wine just thinking about it….Ooops. My bad. This Is Vietnam, For Real. Change of plans. Never mind sipping wine and weeping over the memory of how I melted my friend’s bag of army men because I lined them up on a charcoal grill like kebobs (next to the burgers while friend’s dad was not tending the grill) and then got a serious arse whupping from my friend’s mom because it used to take a village to get all the children spanked when they got too close to fire or traffic….nope, let’s just get the drinking game on. Every time Jack uses his Super Saint powers to heal the sick or save the world: drink, motherfucker, drink.

(I’m sorry, I’m probably going to pass out very shortly here….)

First up for Jack is the idiot who says he’s going to be going home in 90 days to play baseball. You dumb ass. Everyone knows that the second you say that in war drama, you’re going to die.

Jack is so super good and special he got promoted to sarge right away. He bounces a quarter off his sheets and then turns it into a WIlly Wonka style everlasting gobstopper that can feed a soldier for weeks AND deliver a dose of morphine AND regrow all the foliage destroyed by Agent Orange once the soldier spits on it. Jack fearlessly follows the poor guy assigned to scope out the trail for booby traps. He finds one and away we go with the gunfire. So, who’s Jack gonna save now? 90-day guy? Squirrel? Is Nicky around here somewhere?

Now there’s a football. My goodness, will you look at those men having a gay old time in Vietnam? I’m so confused. I’m an ignorant Gen-Xer. I’m like, shouldn’t those soldiers totally be shooting stuff all the time? Is it, like, extra tubular ironic that they’re enjoying themselves right before they die? Jesus. Save a soldier and eat a cliche, show.

Note on that football: as we will see because of the herky jerky trips in the time machine, this is from Nicky’s room. Nicky is for sure gonna die here, so Jack gets a little annoyed at ‘his men’ when he sees them playing with the damn thing instead of holding it in the holy reverence it is due. But hey, he’s Jack, so he says, “hey, fellas, how about we do some work and then relax.” These soldiers know a pain in the ass do-gooder when they see one. A Bad Man nicknamed “Townie” throws that football to hit Jack right in the kisser. No, Townie the Bad Man does no such thing, much to my disappointment. Fuck you, Townie. You suck.

I honestly am going to screw up the chronology here, because I am so bored at this point that I’m Googling the song lyrics playing because, for once, I actually kinda like the music. Plus, all the JACK IS AMAZEBALLS anvils are making my brain not work so good anymore.

Anyway, at some point after the football, a Vietnamese boy and his mom approach Jack and Townie the Bad Man with a fish. The boy offers Jack the fish and his mom starts to say, please don’t do that, he’ll ruin it by dumping k-ration ketchup on it, but Townie is having none of this precious innocence. Townie is a Bad Man. Townie grabs the fish, throws it to the ground and machine guns it until everyone is covered in scales and blood and fish guts. Thanks a lot, Townie. Jack says, ‘hey, Townie…’ but Townie is no longer just Bad; he’s unhinged, man. He’s been waiting to lose his shit ever since the opening credits, so he grabs the woman and starts to drag her away, but Jack says “Townie...stop.” And Townie strips naked and goes running into the neighborhood Applebee’s for fish-n-chips. Bye, Townie the Bad Man.

The woman approaches Jack and puts her hands on his face and her eyes say, ‘please god, let me get this gig over with so I can move on to some damn Shakespeare in the park.’ She doesn’t say anything because if she spoke, that would ruin the burst of flash forward where we see Kate the Pill do the EXACT same gesture with her dad! These clever, clever connections….

At some point, 90-day guy loses his foot because of course he does. He’s lying on the ground and he says to Jack, ‘hey, buddy, could you hand me my foot?’ And Jack waves the medic away because nevermind, Jack’s on this, and he re-attaches the guy’s foot and the guy goes on to become a football player because Jack says he likes football better than baseball anyway and who else is gonna give Jack, in a flashforward shazam, his Superbowl ring?

OK, actually, the guy does cradle the foot and then asks Jack the burning question of the day: ‘why are you not scared?’ That’s totally what we’re all dying to know. Anyway, 90-Days throws his foot into the brush and puts his hands around Jack’s face and sings, ‘no-one can find the rewind button, boy, so cradle your head in [my] hands ...aaaaand breathe…..just breathe….’ His voice is a little rougher than Anna Nalick’s and Jack is breathing just fine because he’s not scared, but 90-Day did just throw his own foot away, so no judgment here. Meanwhile, form of a FLASHFORWARD and, whaddya know, this is where Jack learned to put HIS hands on Randall’s face and calm him down.

Lots of hands touching hands touching me touching you, Sweet Caroline and I’m too drunk and stumbling from anvils to know what’s snark and what’s real anymore, so go with what you like.

Anyway, Jack gets a chance to change company and the actual officer is the lucky recipient of a Pearson-ing*. No, officer, the military doesn’t tell Jack Pearson where he’ll be stationed. Jack Pearson tells the military. Military says, “oh, OK, I didn’t realize you had a brother nearby who didn’t want to be here. Didn’t realize the specialness of your situation, sir. We have several hundred thousand nineteen-year-olds running around this place, so you’ll forgive us for not understanding that your brother is more important than the rest of these grunts who didn’t make it to Canada.”

So, we’ve come full circle in these eternal ten minutes. Back to the opening shot of someone with washboard abs (ladies - that’s for you. War and devastation are not without their sexy moments, too!). Here comes Jack and voila, brothers are reunited. Now they can bitch about their dad while playing football, just as it oughta be. Until Townie returns from the jungle carrying another fish and beats them upside the head with it while screaming, ‘stupid teevee! Be more subtle!!’**

Dear god, we’re not even close to done.

Hang on, because it’s time for the herky jerky time travel! Wheeeeee!!!!!! Please keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times…we’re going back to a little ditty, about Jack and Nicky...two American kids growing up in an ABC after school special.

See Jack’s mom. She has a black eye. This is because Jack’s dad is a Very Bad Man. And they’re poor. They can’t even afford a garage. When Jack’s dad comes home, he parks his Studebaker right on the street and I’m expecting him to backhand both kids as he walks darkly up the steps, but he tells them, ‘pick up your toys.’ Not even, ‘git off my lawn’ or ‘don’t cry or I’ll give you something to cry about.’ Lame. And not an unreasonable request, actually, but HE IS A VERY BAD MAN.

And, to follow that up, Jack is Superman, ya’ll. There ya have it. His own brother says so. Jack, is this because you’re secretly running around in tights and a cape and playing ‘x-ray vision’ on the next door neighbor’s housewife? I really, really hope so...nope. No dice. Sigh.

ALL ABOARD THE FEELY TIME MACHINE!!! *Glass rattling/bone shaking ride*

Wait, what’s this, you say? Here’s the Very Bad Man except he’s...NORMAL? He’s looking forward to another kid and, zounds, he doesn’t drink?? What is happening with the world? Stephen King needs a writing credit on this for stating ‘hey, even serial killers help old ladies cross the street sometimes.’

TIME MACHINE!! *rev rev rev*

Long ago and far away, there was primordial ooze. And in this ooze was a real boy scout amoeba named Jack who said unto his fellow microbes: ‘fellas? Let’s be good to our wives and daughters and start an evolution.’ And that is how humankind came to be. Thousands of years later, when Jack stares into a swamp in Vietnam, he sees his old amoeba girlfriend’s descendants, the ones who tried to launch singing careers, and he puts his hands around their little microbial faces and...dies. Oh, wait, no, that’s later….sorry….

TIME MACHINE!! WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS WITH YOUR NARRATIVE, BE SURE TO INCLUDES LOTS OF FLASH FORWARDS AND BACKWARDS AND SIDEWAYS UNTIL YOUR VIEWER NO LONGER BOTHERS READING THE CHYRON

.Jack and Nicky go to a bar to watch the draft on t.v. And, because even a blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes, that’s one moment where, yep, the show got me. I was stunned. I Googled, because I could not believe that I was watching a real-life Hunger Games re-enactment. My God. That really fucking happened. I am shocked all over again by the never-ending horrific details to this time period.

But then, because show, we must remember that this about JACK and doesn’t he look tasty, ladies (and any gents so inclined), in his tighty whities? The tragedy of white men with pumped up abs and biceps going to die, amirite? Anyway, doc says Jack is superman, too, and he probably got his heart condition as a side effect of the radiation from his halo, so too bad, but he’s in tippy top shape to go find his Clark Kent overseas.

TIME MACHINE!!!! *SCREEEEEEEECHHHHH*

The nurse tells Jack’s mom that 18 is a lucky number. She is a demon from the future of irony. Oh, wait...wait for it...here comes Normal Dad! Why, he’s even playing with Jack, which will make the transition to Very Bad Guy all the more heartwrenching, but I don’t think he actually does kill anyone and mom eventually gets out to enjoy coffeecake with a friend, so it’s all good, but meanwhile….hark...I hear footsteps….don’t look now, kids but it’s BAD MOOD GRANDPA! Grandpa wandered down to the hospital and is pissed that Nicky won’t be born on the 19th. Why he’s pissed, I don’t know, but I think he might unzip his skin and burst out as an abusive lizard and whip Normal Dad with his tail (a girl can dream).

There is an ominousness to Bad Mood Grandpa and he’s hitting the flask hard because...well, you know by now that alcohol is the universal sign of evil characters and lazy writers.I’m surprised he doesn’t pinch the nurse’s ass or ask for a cigar, but he gets tired of sitting there and goes home because apparently grandma is holding supper for him (at 11 or so at night) and he cannot handle sitting around waiting for this fucked up kid who can’t even be borned on the right day. So, home he goes and grandma probably poisoned his supper because Bad Mood Drunk Grandpa is Probably Not So Good and must be the reason Normal Dad changes into Very Bad Guy. But that’s its own Very Special Episode and involves cousin Oliver and will be coming up as the season cliffhanger.

Once Nicky is born, Normal Dad points out all the babies born on that day who will grow up to….well, not exactly live their dreams. Which makes me feel really, really sorry for Kevin, Kate and Randall. Because, we saw THEM as babies and who knew they’d grow up to struggle with such tragic lives? Sorry, babies, some of you will die in a war and some of you will grow up to be fat, misunderstood or anxious.

TIME MACHINE!!! NO, WE ARE NOT STOPPING FOR A POTTY BREAK! YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT BACK IN YOUR CRIB!!!!

Nicky is running to Canada to escape the draft. Now, I’m not entirely sure why Nicky is such a mopey sad sack, but he is and even before the draft he was complaining about never amounting to anything and why me and why can’t I be Jack and so I’m cheering him on to the Great White North where he will finally stop spinning in phone booths hoping to turn into superman, but hint: thanks to the show opening in Vietnam baring his abs, I know that ain’t happening.

Nicky does go on about wishing he could start from the end and work backwards (and the props crew groans because they are SPENT from all this time machine driving) and isn’t that a song by Coldplay or a Ron Howard movie? Anyway, Nicky bails on the Canada plan, apparently, because Jack wakes up and finds him gone and the time machine is playing ‘oh, superman where are you now’ from Genesis and….oh, thank you, gods of Olympus, that’s a wrap and I can rest my weary head and maybe go get some fish and chips.

By the way, I am chalking up that writing credit to Tim O’Brien as the writers/producers asking him, ‘um...we read your book...can we maybe copy a little from you and maybe you can check our work and see if we made this ‘Vietnam-y’ enough?’

*™ Laurakaye, I think, who first made “Pearson” a verb.

**™ Homer Simpson. What I wouldn’t give to watch Jack try to Pearson the town of Springfield.

ShadowFacts · October 19, 2018

15 hours ago, ProudMary said:

Honestly, I think this is now the popular opinion!

I love William. Whenever I realize we're seeing a flashback where William is alive, my response is, "Ooh, a William scene!"

Agreed. I would also like to see more of young William, like him a lot, too. While I'm at it, bring on Randall's mother.

laurakaye · October 23, 2018

On 10/18/2018 at 5:58 PM, potatoradio said:

1. The woman approaches Jack and puts her hands on his face...flash forward where we see Kate the Pill do the EXACT same gesture with her dad!

2. Anyway, 90-Days throws his foot into the brush and puts his hands around Jack’s face and sings, ‘no-one can find the rewind button, boy, so cradle your head in [my] hands ...aaaaand breathe…..just breathe….’

3. Anyway, Jack gets a chance to change company and the actual officer is the lucky recipient of a Pearson-ing*. No, officer, the military doesn’t tell Jack Pearson where he’ll be stationed. Jack Pearson tells the military. Military says, “oh, OK, I didn’t realize you had a brother nearby who didn’t want to be here. Didn’t realize the specialness of your situation, sir. We have several hundred thousand nineteen-year-olds running around this place, so you’ll forgive us for not understanding that your brother is more important than the rest of these grunts who didn’t make it to Canada.”

4. But then, because show, we must remember that this about JACK and doesn’t he look tasty, ladies (and any gents so inclined), in his tighty whities?

5. Grandpa wandered down to the hospital and is pissed that Nicky won’t be born on the 19th. Why he’s pissed, I don’t know, but I think he might unzip his skin and burst out as an abusive lizard and whip Normal Dad with his tail (a girl can dream).

6. Once Nicky is born, Normal Dad points out all the babies born on that day who will grow up to….well, not exactly live their dreams.

I haven't even watched this episode yet, but that won't stop me from playing "Real or Snark!" Let's get started!

1. Come on, no way. So the writers want us to believe that nearly every woman Jack comes into contact with wants to place their hand gently on his face and look into his soulful brown eyes (green eyes? blue? All I ever notice is his hair, which I always want to introduce to a bottle of shampoo). I call SNARK. Because, COME ON. Symbolism via entire building dropping on our heads is a bit much, even for these writers. (and even as I type this, I know I'm wrong).

2. No way did that guy throw his foot in the bushes....but, hang on, this one's tricky. Perhaps 90-days, knowing that if he tossed his foot away, might become the beneficiary of a deep-thoughts Jack Pearson monologue, which could render 90-days unconscious in a matter of seconds, allowing him to forget the horror of where he is (Vietnam, not lying in front of Jack, unable to get away). So...REAL.

3. REAL. Because Jack. This one's super easy.

4. *sigh*..............REAL. Sadly. I just know it.

5. Huh? What's wrong with the 19th? Is this a weird thing like not liking grape or chocolate? I don't get it. The 13th I could understand in a superstitious way, but the 19th? I have no earthly clue what this even means - do we have any backstory on why Grandpa does not like the number 19? He's got to be drunk or something. I choose SNARK.

6. Well, given #5, this should also be answered "SNARK" but I'm so confused at this point, I'm going to split the difference and go with "REAL," even though I no longer understand the question.

Can't wait to find out my score! I need to pass this test or subject myself to actually watching the show!

Edited October 23, 2018 by laurakaye

ShadowFacts · October 23, 2018

24 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

5. Huh? What's wrong with the 19th? Is this a weird thing like not liking grape or chocolate? I don't get it. The 13th I could understand in a superstitious way, but the 19th? I have no earthly clue what this even means - do we have any backstory on why Grandpa does not like the number 19? He's got to be drunk or something. I choose SNARK.

That was his birthday.

laurakaye · October 23, 2018

5 minutes ago, ShadowFacts said:

That was his birthday.

I really should watch the show before I comment............but it's just so harrrrrrrrrrrrrrd.

CrystalBlue · October 23, 2018

1 hour ago, laurakaye said:

I really should watch the show before I comment............but it's just so harrrrrrrrrrrrrrd.

It would be a good idea to actually watch the show before making comments about what happened that you don't know about yet. So, was this REAL or SNARK?

TexasGal · October 25, 2018

Ok, this probably isn’t even an unpopular opinion but I made it through half the episode postings and no one commented on this so - Kate’s Adele-o-gram. Just, no. NO. Her voice is fine, average, no problem. She is not even close to Adele.

Runningwild · October 25, 2018

1 hour ago, TexasGal said:

Ok, this probably isn’t even an unpopular opinion but I made it through half the episode postings and no one commented on this so - Kate’s Adele-o-gram. Just, no. NO. Her voice is fine, average, no problem. She is not even close to Adele.

Thank you! My niece thinks her voice is so beautiful. I said, “Meh.”

ChromaKelly · October 25, 2018

14 hours ago, TexasGal said:

Ok, this probably isn’t even an unpopular opinion but I made it through half the episode postings and no one commented on this so - Kate’s Adele-o-gram. Just, no. NO. Her voice is fine, average, no problem. She is not even close to Adele.

Plus Adele is nowhere near that heavy.

potatoradio · October 27, 2018

On ‎10‎/‎23‎/‎2018 at 8:55 AM, laurakaye said:

I haven't even watched this episode yet, but that won't stop me from playing "Real or Snark!" Let's get started!

1. Come on, no way. So the writers want us to believe that nearly every woman Jack comes into contact with wants to place their hand gently on his face and look into his soulful brown eyes (green eyes? blue? All I ever notice is his hair, which I always want to introduce to a bottle of shampoo). I call SNARK. Because, COME ON. Symbolism via entire building dropping on our heads is a bit much, even for these writers. (and even as I type this, I know I'm wrong).

2. No way did that guy throw his foot in the bushes....but, hang on, this one's tricky. Perhaps 90-days, knowing that if he tossed his foot away, might become the beneficiary of a deep-thoughts Jack Pearson monologue, which could render 90-days unconscious in a matter of seconds, allowing him to forget the horror of where he is (Vietnam, not lying in front of Jack, unable to get away). So...REAL.

3. REAL. Because Jack. This one's super easy.

4. *sigh*..............REAL. Sadly. I just know it.

5. Huh? What's wrong with the 19th? Is this a weird thing like not liking grape or chocolate? I don't get it. The 13th I could understand in a superstitious way, but the 19th? I have no earthly clue what this even means - do we have any backstory on why Grandpa does not like the number 19? He's got to be drunk or something. I choose SNARK.

6. Well, given #5, this should also be answered "SNARK" but I'm so confused at this point, I'm going to split the difference and go with "REAL," even though I no longer understand the question.

Can't wait to find out my score! I need to pass this test or subject myself to actually watching the show!

Muahhh ahhh ahhhh.....

Your score is 5/6 correct, which, by normal standards, is a respectable "B-". Plus, you get extra credit for cracking me up with the plot twist that Jack might actually render someone unconscious with his Deep Thoughts as They Pertain to How Great I Am torture. On a normal scale, this would be a pass. But we're talking about Must Watch America Gettin' Feely with It Show here, so I'm afraid I can accept nothing less than a perfect, ten-box Kleenex score and proof of your pre-ordering the complete set of "Jack: How His Mother's Uterus Wept and then Killed Itself Because It Would Never Again Give Birth to Jack" DVDs as proof that you pass for a true human being. Otherwise, you will be graded a heartless, hopeless case who will be flunked and sent over the summer to reconditioning camp where you will be retrained via continual exposure to Jack in tightie whities. I'm pulling for you, dang it. We will graduate one way or the other...

but yes, you have to watch the show. ;)

On ‎10‎/‎23‎/‎2018 at 10:41 AM, CrystalBlue said:

It would be a good idea to actually watch the show before making comments about what happened that you don't know about yet.

The game of Real or Snark is intended to be played before watching the show - it provides a sort of forecast for unpopular op posters so they have an idea of how much wine and advil they'll need to offset the clichés and sap and make the most of a snark watch.

Apparently, the next ep is all about how Toby became the Man He Is Today. Since I believe Toby is one of the more disliked characters on the show, methinks the writers have worked super hard on a sob story for him involving the trauma of not being allowed to eat a pound of Sugar Babies when he lost the Pac Man championship* at the local arcade and then he told his father to get lost and not come back unless he could be as perfect a dad as Jack Pearson. Tobe Babe's father said, "who the hell is Jack Pearson?" And Toby's mom sobbed, "that's the whole problem! You don't even know who the most perfect man ever born IS!" So that's why Toby is Misery Kate's patsy - because, hey, at least he's got an 'in' with the dead saint killed too soon by the crock pot smoke monster...OK, OK, I'm getting ahead of myself and I'm going to fail my own real or snark test if I don't buckle down and do this hatewatch properly.

*I am not mocking the pain of someone taking your high score at a video game. I am still pissed at the little dweeb who stole my Frogger high score just because HE got a lucky break and the stupid machine didn't realize that he had TOTALLY STEPPED ON THE ALLIGATOR'S MOUTH and should have DIED RIGHT THERE....deep breath...deep breath...Jack is still dead...

-pj- · November 1, 2018

I’m not sure if this is unpopular but the whole idea of Saint Jack is really getting to me. Sometimes I don’t know if some ‘flashbacks’ are observing or some a persons point of view.

I understand he died and you do immortalise the good things about people. But come on no one ever has other take, dad was horrible when this happen, Jack was a twat when that etc. Everyone has those moments.

potatoradio · November 3, 2018

Gooooood morning, Vietnam. This is a two-fer because pretty much the same things happened in both eps, so I'm conserving my energy and board space.

My thesaurus, when I looked up 'insufferable', read: "Come on, you look up this word about a million times after watching This is Us. Don't you know the synonyms by now? Do you need Clippy to return and ask whether you're writing a letter?"

Anyway, Jack is dead so now the apparent compelling storyline is the hardiness of his unbearably insufferable gene, which we can see passed on in all of its blunderbuss wonder to the three Pearson offspring (no worries, Randall - that gene will find you. It will broadside your DNA with a long speech about how it needs to be there). Here we go:

Kate

Well, the universe finally gave Kate a break and she's pregnant, but, our jagged little pill still can't quite get the hang of emotional adulting down very well. Kate is currently "affording" her five-figure minimum medical miracle by delivering sing-o-grams part time. She shows up at an office to sing an Adele tune as a birthday present. Um, if my colleagues hired someone to sing an Adele song without arriving with a cake and champagne, I'm snipping that department credit card in half. But, whatever, if you hate your office colleague and want them to have a gloomy birthday, Kate's your gal! Adele called during the show and said, 'Thank you, show. My songs mean nothing because my dad didn't die a tragic death from crock pot. They're so much more poignant when sung by someone with a voice so average that musically inclined viewers mute their televisions so they don't ruin their own vocal cords screaming 'make it stop!!!!' I'll just send Kate Pearson on tour for me from now on and kick back with some honey tea, thanks." The bastard office worker who arranged this sing a gram apparently thinks the same thing because, oh no, out he comes to tell Kate Pearson that she's better than Adele and should be up there shaking that thang with her power vocals. Kate's husband, Tobe Babe, is currently a little under the weather what with flushing his crazymeds down the toilet and having an episode with his name on it already devoted to the Pearsons, so Kate has been missing a chance to back up the misery truck and dump. *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* Here we go:

My dad died! My husband is in a video arcade! My mom hates me! And I'm fat! I coulda been a contender but I was such an unironically bitter little fuck as a kid that I can't even pretend to be a normal person now! I put the music away because I *have an average voice and no drive* was sad but now every time I walk into a room or open my mouth, everyone hears a trombone: "whoooooomp, whomp...." And they sing the SNL "Debbie Downer" skit theme at MY birthday, at which I have to eat carrots instead of cake! Don't you give me a compliment, Mister, unless you're ready to follow me around and repeat it over and over!"

Office worker: My boss is getting married next week and I was going to order a Nine Inch Nails sing-a-gram with hemlock punch but why don't you just show up and marry him instead? I'm just trying to make everyone here miserable enough to quit so I can take over and get my own spinoff, k?"

Anyway, Kate meekly taps out a few notes on the piano, but an agent doesn't instantly appear at her door along with her dead dad so she's, again, mired in the hopelessness of it all.

But this is supposed to be about TobeBabe and Why He's Depressed. It doesn't take long before we discover that, shock, it's his parents's fault, what else? Because they're not dead, they're just constantly screaming at each other loud enough that Tobe Babe turns on the fan (must be one helluva fan to drown out the Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf redux). Yadda yadda yadda, poor kid stuck trying to adult too early and that's how you end up playing video games and fat and divorced and very horny. Good god, Tobe Babe, I'd curl up under the covers, too. Audio had a better backstory.

Speaking of the dog, something's off there, too. Kate takes him for a walk and he walks over to a garbage bag sitting next to the garbage can (how convenient) and I think, 'oh, cool, he's going to Scooby Doo this show and start wolfing down the remains of a body and solve a murder mystery.' Nope, he digs around and eats...a rock. Who in hell puts a ROCK in a garbage bag? And what dog swallows a rock when there are presumably tastier ways to almost die? Chicken bone, anyone? Gah! But no matter, Kate takes the dog home and tries to feed it rubbery undercooked bacon ( the fuck?) and Audio says, 'bitch, please, can I go to the rainbow bridge now? I've had enough of this shit.' But Tobe Babe snaps at Kate and asks what the hell she's thinking letting a dog roam off the leash (cos, er, I don't think that's allowed in most public places, and we don't need a ticket on top of everything else). So Kate takes the dog to the vet and realizes she doesn't know what to do, so she calls her evil mom who says, 'take a deep breath and hope for the best.'

Kate drags Tobe Babe's depressed ass out for a walk and tells him, in the speech that had me laughing harder than any SNL skit in recent memory, "all this stuff that happened to me? I'm strong as hell now!" Oh lordy. OK, writers, when you realize you've painted a character so one-dimensionally awful, there really isn't an easy way out of that. For sure, simply having the character decide to say "I'm strong" isn't convincing anyone. Dollars to donuts says they pull a Shonda Rhimes and, as Kate gives birth, show will start flashing "#KATESTRONG" on a chyron. Now, when Rhimes did this, at least her character was getting shot at or drowned or electrocuted or dumped or whatever other tragedy she dreamed of for Meredith Grey, but hey, again, Meredith doesn't know the pain of crock pot death. Anyway, Audio shits a brick and the universe delivers another break to old sad trombone. I tell you - these plot twists...

Oh, wait. This is TobeBabe's story. I forgot his Emmy submission. He shows up at a pharmacy to demand a refill on his meds. If you're playing the "which extra will bear the brunt of a Pearson-Braverman style raise the rooftops sermon" game and you guessed the pharmacist, well, you can refill your meds as a prize. TobeBabe is not so lucky. Maybe it's because he insists on telling his lifestory to the poor pharmacy tech who says, 'sir, you do have a refill...if you've been on anti-depressants for years, you for sure have at least several months of refills available...no need to fall apart here, sir...I can simply call your doctor and request a refill....oh, christ, you're going to make this a thing, aren't you? OK, I'll just stand here while you mug for the camera. Good luck on that Emmy...."

KEVIN

Takes Zoe the maneater to see St. Greasy's Vietnam contact, 90-Days and Footless. I don't see maneater in Zoe - I just see a woman sussing out whether Kevin has any depth whatsoever and, if so, whether he's capable of comprehending that racism includes microaggressions and what those can do to a person's self-esteem and trust. They visit 90-Days and Footless, but I admit I was actually more engrossed in reading various twitter feeds and articles about black hair care and the "subtle" racist and ignorant comments/questions/assumptions black women face about their hair. So I was struck more deeply by stories of black women who still have white people ask whether they can touch their hair or learning that stores will keep black hair products under lock and key than the purple heart and pictures, but the upshot is that, of COURSE, the Vietnamese woman who was almost assaulted by Bad Bad Townie is shown in a photo looking lovingly at St. Sergeant Greasy and WEARING HIS NECKLACE!!! DON DON DON!!!! Zoe tells Kevin about the store clerk (who I thought might be another target for a Pearsoning, but nope, she's the racist extra) and then Kevin gives her the silk pillowcase and Zoe says Kevin is worth it, but she needs a night alone. Oh, Zoe. Now you've done it. No Pearson ever EVER will stand for being told that their sig other wants to get the fuck out for a while and go hang with Miguel at the Star Wars cantina. Worse, you tell Kevin that he should stop obsessing about the picture. Oh, nooooooo, Zoe, why did you do that??? Kevin, of course, hears 'stop obsessing' and sees a red flag and like a bull, he charges into Zoe's retreat and says, "I know you said to stop obsessing, so let's go to Vietnam!" Zoe, if you are a maneater, now's the time to bring that out. Otherwise, you will be Pearsoned.

RANDALL

Oh, good God. Beth gets exactly one line of "I don't feel great, I was fired, remember, and I have my first interview today." Randall: "You'll do great. Anyway, about ME!" Randall is trying to Pearson his way into politics via a barbeque and he hoses it up by interrupting the barbeque (you don't do that....I'm a midwesterner and I know this) to tell the great unwashed that they're being played by the current councilman who has no respect for St. William's old neighborhood. St. William appears in everyone's barbeque sauce, but to no avail...the downtrodden aren't interested in listening to how great Randall is, even with awesome barbeque, so they leave. BBQ owner sits Randall down and says, 'well, Mr. Perfect, do YOU know how to schmooze via baseball tickets to save a business or two? Because that's kinda how it works in politics." Now, this could actually shape up to be an interesting storyline. Because BBQ guy is right. But, This is Us, and subtlety is dead along with Jack and William, so of course the councilman humiliates Randall at a church and, oh, no, it all looks lost for Randall and his determination to turn nostalgia into a political career....until, wait, what is this? He has lunch with Kevin at an Asian restaurant and Kevin is flashing the Adoring Vietnamese Woman Beholds Her Protector photo and I'm cringing thinking, 'oh, shit...I don't THINK they'd do this, but if they have someone at the restaurant point and say, 'Aunt Sally!' I'm done for real.' They don't, so you're still stuck with me, but holy crap, I was seriously worried for a minute. But I needn't have been. There's talk of wallpaper and peeling it off to discover paneling and Kevin says he has 'Something in him' that needs to be peeled off. Kevin, that's a medical problem. Go see TobeBabe's pharmacist about that.

Anyway, turns out Korean Americans love Kevin and Randall does some econ weather math and says, 'waaaaaaiiit a minute...look at this place called Koreatown! It's the perfect setting for an intersectionality story, isn't it? I failed to Pearsonize the poor black crowd, but Korean Americans already love the Pearsons! I cannot screw this up!"

Oh, but he tries. A cynical Korean American political operative tells Randall that, hey, again, we're kind of over the whole savior thing, so could you just shut up and let the Manny talk? This is an epiphany for Randall, as shown by a slight frown on SKB's face and momentary restraint of the manic smile. Randall recalculates the econ weather and it's kind of like a combo of Rocky/Goodbye Mr. Chips/Mr.Smith Goes to Washington/Snoopy comes Home. Randall says he's going to listen to them. Beth says: yeah, good luck with that. Deja rolls her eyes and Annie asks Uncle Kevin to come pick her up again because her house is really going to suck now. Randall returns to his campaign HQ and finds Steve Kornacki from MSNBC at the big board. No, but he does find the cynical Korean American political operative (who, I must say, is most welcome eye candy) who says that Randall's speech (and his moisturizing routine) have inspired his 70-ish grandmother to register to vote and so now he's all in for Randall for President. Attention politicians: if you want to rally Korean Americans, be sure to use lotion on your hands.

All of this is to point out that Randall didn't need to learn to box because he is smart. But that doesn't stop him from running up those steps and bouncing around at the top. You know he and the councilman will step into the ring at some point, right?

BETH

Is the actress who is really so much better than all of this dreck and I wish to hell her agent would rescue her and give her her own show. The fall and rebuilding of the superwoman as human, let alone a black superwoman, done with nuance and minus any Pearsons would be so awesome. But no. Beth realizes that jobs are hard to find and she's been a bit out of the loop on the marketing of girl scout cookies, so now her kids think she sucks so no more 'perfectly imperfect' Beth. But, hey, here comes Randall with his soft hands and says, 'eh...come work for me, woman. Get me elected." Ah, Beth. It was lovely seeing the seeds of a possible interesting story for you, but you're in Pearson world, so let's get back to it, eh?

MIGUEL

Red Leader #5 drags a random piano off the street and to Rebecca's apartment. Yeah, I don't have a clue how that would ever happen, either, but Miguel is trying to honor his pinky swear with St. Greasy and Take Care of Greasy's Family. And what doesn't say helpful like showing up with a random piano? And fixing the fridge so that Rebecca, like a housewife from 1950, keeps opening and shutting the door, marveling at this new wonder called electricity. And then, when Randall comes home from prom alone because racism, launches into an attempted Pearsoning about how he knows exactly how Randall feels because he was called Ricky Ricardo and so instabond, right? Randall says, 'dude, if anyone's going to blather on and on, it's going to be me.' Sorry, Miguel. I'd still totally watch your show if you got your own spinoff.

REBECCA

She and Miguel deserve each other because neither can live up to St. Greasy's standards and he's always friggin' right. Rebecca isn't thrilled when St. Greasy returns with a black eye because he's boxing because of Things He Won't Talk About and Rebecca tries to say, honey, it's 1980 something. Therapy is all the rage. Give it a shot, eh? Because I am not going to be Every Boxer's Girlfriend as played by Heidi Gardner on SNL. Hangdog St. Greasy mumbles, OK, but then of course he later insists that it helps him and Rebecca says, 'you're right. I'm a shrew. I'm sorry. Besides, now I can giggle like a girl and put on boxer gloves and it's kind of cute!' It's probably the inept makeup and overly calm (read: 'old') demeanor, but old Rebecca seriously looks so much more at peace than young Rebecca. The serene smile says, "I am so done giving a shit about any of you ungrateful brats and so loving my life with a non overbearing man who knows how to wash his hair." At least, I tell myself it does.

Next week: Don't watch. Vote. Thank god.

Katekate · November 4, 2018

Do I care about the Vietnamese woman? Meh...not really.

backgroundnoise · November 5, 2018

The whole Kate Wants a Baby and Only Her Baby story line is making me despise the character. She can't get pregnant because "I can never catch a break." Sorry, Kate, but your difficulties in pregnancy are directly tied your own behavior (and I say that as someone who could lose about 70 pounds myself). "I want to turn everything, including this lovely birthday brunch you arranged for me into my own never-ending pity party. My dad died when I was young--did you know that?"

"I only want a baby that looks like me. Because genes are everything and if you're not a biological Pearson, you're not worth having." And then she has the nerve to take offense that Randall takes offense at that sentiment.

Toby's parents were spot on, even before the baby drama. He does tiptoe around Kate to a nauseating degree. Anybody who would even consider putting 20-year ashes next to the guest book at a wedding is not considering anyone's feelings.

SnarkySheep · November 5, 2018

On 10/11/2018 at 12:48 PM, topanga said:

Heh. Is it because it sounds like Jack was in a way infantilizing Kate?

An interesting thought, especially when viewed alongside Rebecca calling her Bug...

PRgal · November 5, 2018

Am I the only person who thinks Kate should have considered a surrogate? Okay, fine, it's going to cost more, since the surrogate has expenses (even if it's altruistic surrogacy) but it might be better for HER, health-wise.

ShadowFacts · November 6, 2018

1 hour ago, PRgal said:

Am I the only person who thinks Kate should have considered a surrogate? Okay, fine, it's going to cost more, since the surrogate has expenses (even if it's altruistic surrogacy) but it might be better for HER, health-wise.

I think in California at least, it would be much more expensive than IVF, but yeah, why not consider it since money appears to be not much of an object on the show in general. It's something I have not seen much on TV, and I don't know why that is.

PRgal · November 6, 2018

13 hours ago, ShadowFacts said:

I think in California at least, it would be much more expensive than IVF, but yeah, why not consider it since money appears to be not much of an object on the show in general. It's something I have not seen much on TV, and I don't know why that is.

I wonder if it has to do with worrying that people would start criticizing them for "taking advantage" of very young, lower-income women (since many surrogates are in their early-mid 20s). It's a PC thing. I would LOVE to see a realistic storyline on surrogacy, though.

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