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S02.E01: Episode 1


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Season 2 begins with the cast arriving on the shores of Playa Escondida in Mexico and getting acquainted at a cocktail party. But their revelry is soon interrupted by a mystery woman. Later, Clare Crawley from Season 1 shows up and shakes things up; and one lady becomes ill and must be taken by ambulance to a hospital.

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Kudos to the editors for the shot of the crab right before JJ came out. When I saw that crab in the "who will be next" montage, I immediately thought "Well whoever it is, he's got crabs!!!" Ha!

Jonathon's such a sleazeball. Was he the grumpy one at Kaitlyn's reunion that was rambling about Nick showing up?? Whatever. Go back to your beloved sister threesome, creep.

Yeehaw Clare! I have faith the raccoon will be back too!!

Weren't they kind of abrupt with the bird girl going to the hospital...? She went off in the ambulance, it went to commercial, and then she was forgotten about...

  • Love 1
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Weren't they kind of abrupt with the bird girl going to the hospital...? She went off in the ambulance, it went to commercial, and then she was forgotten about...

 

 

I assume (hope?) they'll pick up that storyline tomorrow night.  I'm guessing this is their plan, starting storylines Sunday that they don't pay off until Monday. I can't imagine she'd be gone so soon unless she was deathly ill, which she didn't appear to be.  They wouldn't want to waste the crazy.  And even if she were seriously ill and off the show, you know they'd wring much more drama out of it than that.

 

the bird girl

 

 

Heh.  I like it as a new nickname.  She is kinda bird-like, so it fits.  And, yeah, there's a bird brain joke in there somewhere but it's too easy so I'm just going to move along now.

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Damn it. The last 10 minutes were preempted here in Chicago for a tornado warning. A few gusts of wind and everyone shits a brick. Babies. Last I saw was my precious Ashley S. being wheeled off with what was no doubt a case of avian flu she caught from those birds. Can anyone fill me in on what happened after that?

Edited by reggiejax
  • Love 3
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Storm coverage made me miss the end. What happened after the ambulance? Ashley I and her sister are the most vapid women I have ever scene. Both gorgeous but dumb as rocks. Jade has natural beauty and seems like a good person. Can't handle Carly and those eyebrows.

  • Love 8
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I officially love this show so much more than the main show. The split-second cut to the raccoon with the thunder in the background when Clare was introduced was reality TV gold. I feel like the editors are more snarky with their cuts than we sometimes are with our comments.

  • Love 15
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Storm coverage made me miss the end. What happened after the ambulance?

 

 

We never saw what happened with Ashley after Dan (?) jumped into the ambulance to accompany her to the hospital.  I assume we'll see more tomorrow.  The only other thing that happened was the return of . . . . dun dun dun .. . Clare to paradise, come to steal everyone's man, essentially.  She specifically name-checked Tanner and Jared, of course, as of her specific prey.  After Clare has a brief interview with Chris Harrison where she explains her reason for braving another season in paradise (she always wants to give love a chance *gag*), Chris gave her a date card, metaphorically slapped her on the rump, and sent her into the the ring. I'm surprised the editors refrained from putting in the sound of a round bell clanging. That's where it ended.

 

The tag was a bunch of clips of people dealing with the crab infestation (no, not THAT kind!) at the resort they were staying at.  A lot of girls jumping, screeching, running away, and people pointing and saying, "oh, look, there's one over there!" and so on and so forth and what have you /SueHeck.

  • Love 5
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I too love this show more than the "main" show now.   Everything about it so tongue and cheek, you can tell the producers and editors love having fun with it.

 

And great to see my TV boyfriend Tanner back though someone should have handed him a tube of sunscreen.

 

I guess tomorrow's show will be all Clare, Clare and more Clare with some more tears from Ashley I.   Sounds good to me!

  • Love 5
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Tanner continues to amuse me - "Hi, I'm Tanner.  You'll likely remember me from Kaitlyn's season.  But she might not."  lol

 

 

I missed that, but I loved the, "It only took me 7 freakin' weeks on this show to get a one on one."  Heh. Nice.

  • Love 3
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Jade to me is so average in all ways, does she give off some kind of pheromone I am not aware of?

 

God help me but I was rooting for Ashley I, though I think it's obnoxious to have her sister on there too.

 

Clare is gorgeous, I do hope she finds love but c'mon if I looked like that I don't think I would have a problem attracting men. Of course I know it's about attracting the right kind of man, but I would think it would be harder to find somebody decent on this type of show than in real life.

 

I also had weather alerts cutting into the show....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

  • Love 4
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Well, that was fun.  Felt like a dip in the ocean, washing off the mess that was Kaitlyn's season.  Tanner continues to be self-aware comedy gold.  Loved Carly's snark.  Ashley-Jasmine-Kardashian and her sister brought the high school.  They can go home now.  Jared could not be any less enthusiastic about getting asked on the date with her, but he did enjoy getting out of the house to do something fun, it seems.  So, I guess he's a glass-half-full type of guy.

 

I loved Dan and Ashley S.  He seemed to get her vibe right off the bat, and join in her game.

  • Love 9
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Loved Carly's snark

Carly was really happy, but if somebody steals Kirk there will be hell to pay.

 

Love Tanner's personality, I just want to cut off that extra fluff of hair he has in front though.

 

I hope that all the female attention doesn't create a monster in Jared

  • Love 3
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Was it really necessary to continue Jillian's black box joke?

Would Jade have picked Jared for her one-on-one if he hadn't been picked by Ashley I for her date? Did Jared kick himself for saying yes to AI after the fact when he learned Jade liked him too but went with Tanner? I think the initial big draw to Jade is mainly because of "the Playboy thing".

  • Love 4
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The black box over Jillian's hind end is going to get old fast, and so is Ashely's schtick. 

I agree. The show is dumb entertainment. I get that. But these two aspects of the show are just insultingly dumb...to the audience.

 

I don't understand the raving about Jared. His teeth aren't exactly top notch, and his facial hair is disgusting. He is a good looking guy, but among these types of aesthetically pleasing people, he is probably below average.

 

I could have used about 10 more people on the show. This cast is already growing old to me.

  • Love 4
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I don't get all the Jade love either. I don't think she's all that attractive and I find her boring.

Ashley & her sister are both irritating. The whining, the crying...everything. They both act like they are 12. And if I were Ashley I would stop talking about my Princess Jasmine obsession. Not exactly a turn on.

  • Love 10
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My God.  How much spoiling did Ashley's I's parents have to do for her to be that vapid and self-centered?   Is it possible to be both narcissistic and lacking in self-confidence at the same time?

Exactly! I think I can almost see where it comes from, when the sister tells Kardashley that she is perfection but the boots are horrendous and not in a constructive criticism kind of way. The ff button is going to be my best friend if those 2 stick around much longer. Hilarious that they think anyone who is 30 is old when Kardashley is 28.

 

I think Jade is good looking much like all of them, but not the best looking at all. Of course I thought the same about Lacy last year so what do I know.

 

Carly's eyebrows are better, but still distracting.

  • Love 2
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This is going to be a lot of fun. Unlike past seasons of this and Bachelor Pad, they've assembled some great personalities. Great for TV, not real life. I couldn't take Ashley in real life! What was that silliness about her not being like a princess, not like Cinderella, but like Jasmine? Jasmine is a princess, too. And how chidish she is! She sounds like a middle school girl. I wanted to slap her when she complained about the old ladies. Isn't she 27? 27, not 12! Run, Jared, run! And her sister brings nothing to the table.

I'm female, and a little puzzled about Jade's popularity. She seems very sweet, so is it the contrast of that with the naughty Playboy past? Because objectively she doesn't seem any hotter than other women there. Was glad to see Kirk liking Carly, and Dan liking Ashley S, who had better come back! Those two are my faves.

Oh, and Jillian and Mike should get together and enjoy their roids and workouts.

Edited by Andromeda
  • Love 8
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I think Jade is the prettiest of them all - and I think it's because she's not overly made up like everyone else, has normal teeth and ... doesn't look like the Iaconetti sisters, basically. She looks like a real person and I think she's a bit shy which also makes her seem very different than everyone else which is attractive with this group of overbearing loudmouths.

 

I don't get the Jared love most of the time - he looks good in some shots, and I think it's the bad facial hair and ...all of his hair, that's throwing me off. Sometimes he looks attractive, other times not at all.

 

Jonathan and Mikey are two of the creepiest creeps who ever creeped.

 

And I assumed Ashley S got sick from something she ate/drank. That was my assumption just from the ambulance shots.

Edited by threebluestars
  • Love 12
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So great to have this show back, but I could have done without the Marcus/Lacey wedding. I'm here strictly for drunken hookups, irrational jealousy, and raccoon therapists. I was happy to see my old favorite Kirk back, but then he ruined it by using the non-word "conversate". I still can't with Tenley's voice, and now that she's taken to wearing garish lipstick AND blush, I can't with that either. I felt bad for Jillian getting a boob job, since her original boobs were the least of her problems.

 

I think what attracts so many guys to Jade is that she's so laid-back. With all the other women there, you can smell the desperation from a mile away (except Ashley S, but she's too "away with the fairies" for most guys to relate).

 

I didn't think it would be possible, but the alcohol consumption on this show seems even higher than on the Bachelor/ette. Some of them were drinking cocktails at breakfast. 

  • Love 7
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I think Jade is pretty but she seems shy and soft-spoken, not trying to be the center of attention, and that makes her likable to me so far. But if these guys weren't thinking "Playboy!!!", I doubt she'd be getting much attention from them. That's the only thing that makes her stand out in a crowd, imo, that their fantasies are at work when they see her (plus the "trophy girlfriend" idea).

 

Ashley S is weird, but I think she's the best-looking woman, kind of has a Charmaine Carr-thing going. And I was actually impressed that she loves animals/birds, and was the only one to take an interest at all when she came up, per CH. As an animal lover, that impressed me, even if she does seem weirdly in her own world while interacting with them. 

 

I also liked it when she seemed puzzled "Why are you all here at the bar?" and got the answer, "Where else would we be?" Only to get her answer, gesturing to the (far more attractive-than-last-year's) surf and rocks. I "got" that, too. At least grab a drink and see if anyone wants to take a walk on the beach. Maybe I'm weird too, but "animal lover + nature lover" should find someone to hook up with, shouldn't she?

 

Oh, and Lacey and Marcus certainly make a pretty couple and seem very nice, even if they also seem so dull that it would be painful to be around them for very long.  (CH officiating at a wedding will never not seem funny.)

This promises to be a lot better than last year--much more interesting cast.

  • Love 18
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I wish Marcus and Lacey a lifetime of happiness and pretty babies, but I had to FF past their wedding because that's not the kind of paradise I'm looking for on this show.  I'm here for Mikey T. announcing immediately that he's an alpha male who could get the other guys bodies "ripped" in a month, and then making the PFFFFFT! YEAH RIGHT face.  I'm here for Ashley I. sitting next to Jared like a mute for an hour trying to come up with something to say that wasn't dumb, and finally landing on, "Okay, so you know how last year my thing was that I'm a princess?  Well, I'm not like Cinderella, I'm like Jasmine, and I'm even wearing a Jasmine bikini", and then feeling pretty satisfied that she "solidified" things with Jared during that "conversation".  Yes, Ashley, way to lock that shit down, he's yours for the taking now!  I'm here for people only noticing that Ashley S. was missing when the ambulance came to take her, and then Dan (who???) running up to go with her to the hospital, wearing no shirt and possibly no shoes.

 

How nice, and predictable, of Mikey to tell Kirk that everyone is saying he's already wifed-up, that he and Carly are the first "big couple", they are both officially off the available pile now, and then basically saying Kirk is in a tough spot because of all the other options.  Why is Mikey working so hard to make Kirk want to run away from Carly?  He doesn't seem to want her for himself. I guess as an alpha male, it's his job to make every other guy question their own hookup decisions.

 

The guy who claims to have "had" sisters at the same time, and then after finding out Ashley I. is a virgin says he's also had a few of those?  Yeah, he can go now.   The farther the better.

 

I would also be more like Ashley S. in stopping to notice, enjoy and interact with the wildlife.  Animals are much better than people most of the time, especially when compared to, say, JJ. 

 

I was distracted by Jade's breasts.  I can't remember if they were fake on Chris' season, but one of them juts off to the side in a way that doesn't match with the other one and it draws my eyes down sort of like Tori Spelling's weird cleavage.  At first I thought maybe it was being pulled strangely by her bathing suit top, but it was the same in her date dress, so I guess she just had a bad installation.  I wasn't sure if Tanner's ramblings at dinner were working on her, and then she went in for the kiss, so apparently he said something right.  I don't mind them as a couple, even though they are only about 2 millimeters less boring for me than Lacey and Marcus.  If they end up sticking together, that's certainly going to throw all the other guys who thought they were going to have a chance at Jade into a tailspin. 

 

I had forgotten how impossibly gorgeous Clare's skin and body are.  Good lord, that woman is physically blessed.

 

Watching the women in heels wobble their way down the cobblestone steps without a handrail gave me anxiety.  Where is OSHA on this set?  That is the opposite of safe, people!  One wrong teetering of an ankle and you have a woman going ass over teakettle and either snapping her neck or smashing in her head.  I only want ambulances to carry these people away for dehydration and emotional breakdowns!

Edited by Irritable
  • Love 24
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Oh, how I've missed this trainwreck of a show!!  My summer has now improved immensely.

 

I feel bad for people like Ashley I and her sister.  To have to go through life being so shallow, with no real intelligence, is just sad.  I feel sorry for them.  They really have nothing to offer.  Which is why it's not a surprise that Mikey was immediately attracted and Jared looked like he wanted to vomit at the idea of dating Ashley.

 

Mikey - gross.

 

Jonathon - gross.

 

Loved the way Tanner introduced himself, so funny!!

 

Jade - I don't get it.  She's a pretty enough girl, but she is so boring.  I fall asleep every time she speaks.  I found it funny when she was talking about Ashley S's craziness.  It's called having a personality, honey.  You might want to try it out sometime.  "I've posed in Playboy, did you know, I'm such a wild girl" is all you really have to offer.

Edited by Canada
  • Love 7
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How does the camera crew deal with such vapidness?

The crab montage at the end was cute.

Frankly Disney Princess obsessions are wearying when a kid is 6 let alone someone Ashley's age. Call me a bitch but after about 2 days I'd be telling her to shut the hell up about Jasmine every time she started blathering about it in my hearing. And I love Disney Parks and Disney movies.

  • Love 5
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I didn't see it coming that Ashley's sister would break down and start crying on Day 1.  I thought she was going to be the anti-Ashley, but apparently the only difference between them is that one is virgin and the other is not.

 

I thought I had read that the accommodations were supposed to be nicer this time than last season, but so far it doesn't look any better except maybe the beach area is bigger and nicer.  The buildings all seem to be open-air, and if crabs can get in that easily then so can bugs.  Also, they don't have A/C in the sleeping quarters?  NO THANKS.  Waking up sweaty like Ashley did is the exact opposite of what I consider paradise.  So was the date of riding around in dirt.  And swimming in a muddy looking river at night looked pretty much like a nope for me, too. 

  • Love 7
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The show started strong--everyone's intro package was top notch. Tanner's was the best: "I went back to work [cue Asteroid video game sounds] and have been hanging out with my friends [feeds cat]." I think he's hilarious and cute in a way that he's not going to necessarily be the guy you notice first in the room, but after talking for a little bit, he becomes the most attractive, so I'm glad that he "won" Jade so far, presuming she's as fine as a prize as the guys think she is.

I've hit my lifetime limit of Ashley I's tears! And her sister was crying because everyone is old? Thank goodness that the multiple previews of Ashley's tears could all reasonably be from this episode and tonight's, so maybe they'll be sent home. Oh wait, i almost forgot she looses her viginity and may be pregnant...but that voiceover might just be Becca, the other virgin from Chris's season, stopping by to say hello. I'd say gather up your tissues and go home, but their home is the town next to mine. I hate to break it to you, Ashley, but 27 isn't that "young" compared to the "old" 31-year-olds; you're certainly too old to compare yourself to Princess Jasmine and then think that "solidified" a relationship with Jared. Between that and the commentary that both McDonald's and Wendy's chicken nuggets are so good you can't choose a favorite, Jared's going to think he's dating a pre-schooler. Maybe he'll take you out for a Happy Meal. Just don't cry if you don't get the toy you were hoping for.

I don't know who Dan is, but wouldn't that be something if he and Pomegranate Ashley became this season's It Couple. I'm not banking on Carly and Kirk lasting simply by the way they cut Carly saying, "I hope no one shows up that Kirk is more interested in" and then they cut to Clare walking in who voice over that she's interested in Tanner, Jared, and Kirk. Of course Jared is still up for grabs, but I see Clare and Kirk being the best match out of those options.

So are Marcus and Lacy officially one of the Bachelor Family success couples to be trotted out to give advice and/or just sit in the audience to be gestured at to indicate how the show has blossomed many love stories. Bachelor in Paradise has a 100% success rate on finding love...yet, I guess if you factor in the other 6 couples plus all possible combinations of the other people showing up every week... Well, I guess it doesn't matter. Neil Lane is only giving one ring.

Edited by JenE4
  • Love 11
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How I've missed this train wreck!

 

I was watching with two guys and both guys liked Jade the most as well. I don't get it either. To me she's average in the face with a botched boob job. Is the Playboy fantasy that appealing? Most girls who are willing to pose nude would probably not get turned down for Playboy, just saying. Seeing Jade again reminds me of her dates with Chris Soules where she doesn't say anything interesting at all. Even her voice is completely monotone.  

 

Someone should lend a copy of "He's Just Not That into You" to Ashley. Honey child you are no Kardashian and certainly no Princess Jasmine. Clean off some of that make up, travel the world, volunteer at a charitable organization, and maybe then you'll act more like your age instead of a little girl playing dress up.  

 

Really liked seeing Clare at the end. She is just a beautiful woman.

 

I felt very badly for Tenley when she was talking about Kiptyn. I'm also glad she was honest about how hurt she was, instead of the usual "Everything happens for a reason and HERE I AM!" bull.

 

Jared is pretty cute, he would be my first pick too. Mikey (?), the guy who pulled his purple golf shirt off, had underboob sweat. Disgusting. And he went for Lauren, haha.

 

I like Kirk and Carly together, hope her insecure side doesn't turn her too nasty this season. 

 

Bring on the good times!

  • Love 9
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Pretty much as I expected for the first episode, though Ashley I maxed out on being annoying about 10 minutes in.  And her sister is equally ridiculous.  I'm still not a Carly fan, but her snark is being overshadowed by Tanner's, so I'm ok with her at the moment.

 

  Mikey T and Jonathan are equally disgusting, so I imagine they'll bro-out comfortably.  

  • Love 5
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This episode really makes me feel for the 'young set.' The sisters think that by just sitting by someone that they are practically engaged.. And, they can't even picture a world in which people are over 30. Yeah, when one is in elementary school and maybe middle school 30 seems super old. Then, most tweens wake up to the fact that they, too, are aging and maybe 30 isn't as close to death's door as they thought. These sisters are trapped in the everyone should read my mind and know what I'm thinking (i.e. Jared should know after a 1 minute conversation about Disney Princesses that he now belongs to Ashley). Although Jade seems to be more mature, I'm still surprised that her lack of conversation skills or interests (well, other than posing in Playboy) doesn't seem to affect any of the men.

I'm really enjoying Tanner-but then I really liked his sense of humor during the season he was just on. He was a highlight for me; I hope he doesn't drastically change. It is always interesting to see how everyone reacts to people from their same seasons, as in who really does get along and who just tolerates each other.

I liked seeing Marcus and Lacy getting married but was shocked by how few people they had as guests (well, real guests that one actually invites...). Does anyone else think they might have had another ceremony and a reception at which there were more 'real' guests? I would hope so. They really seem in love and I wish many happy years and adventures for them.

Chris has already been more prominent in just one episode than he was in all of last season. I enjoy seeing his interactions with everyone.

  • Love 5
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I think Jade is the most natural looking of the bunch, so I'm guessing that's what the guys like about her. Most of the other girls reek of desperation from their dyed hair to their fake eyelashes.

I was sad to hear tonight that Kypton and Tenley had broken up. How terrible that he strung her along for five years and then immediately knocked up the first girl he hooked up with after the break up. I never particularly liked Tenley but I hope she does find her happily ever after soon.

  • Love 11
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Would Jade have picked Jared for her one-on-one if he hadn't been picked by Ashley I for her date? Did Jared kick himself for saying yes to AI after the fact when he learned Jade liked him too but went with Tanner? I think the initial big draw to Jade is mainly because of "the Playboy thing".

 

Just a guess but I think the whole first episode was "scripted" for Jared to be on both dates but Jade, that wild mustang, went rogue on them and asked out Tanner instead as its just seemed that Jared expected to be on both dates.  I wouldn't be surprised to learn that a producer had told him "go out with Ashley I and we will make sure you get the Jade date next".  

 

So he got stuck back at casa Paradise with Ashley I attached to him, talking about chicken nuggets.   For a minute I actually felt sorry for him but then I snapped out of that real quick like.

Edited by CindyBee
  • Love 9
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It bothers me that the two sisters are considered a package deal.  If one stays, so does the other.  How is that fair?  And how can they do it that way when the rose ceremony voting system can only work if there is one extra person of the opposite sex?  I hope they both get sent home asap.  They are way too obnoxious.

  • Love 7
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I think Jade is the most natural looking of the bunch, so I'm guessing that's what the guys like about her. Most of the other girls reek of desperation from their dyed hair to their fake eyelashes.

 

 

Yes I agree - she does have a very girl next door vibe about her.  And you can't dent that the Playboy stamp of approval does not hurt, ie. she was good enough to be chosen by playboy, so she must be desirable.  She is normal, sweet and demure, and check out her competition here.  She is 1) not crying 2 hours into being there 2) not conversing with animals.  Win.  

 

The two Ashley sisters are so annoying.  No one is saying boy I really hope I get a chance for a date with them.  No one.  Too much crying.  And I really liked that bathing suit until she said it was supposed to be a Jasmine costume.

 

I find Jillian really funny how she came in all like a WWE character in her neon bikini.  Did she have a small chest before?  I don't remember.  Maybe her enhancement was an attempt to take the attention off her butt.

  • Love 3
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I liked seeing Marcus and Lacy getting married but was shocked by how few people they had as guests (well, real guests that one actually invites...). Does anyone else think they might have had another ceremony and a reception at which there were more 'real' guests? I would hope so. They really seem in love and I wish many happy years and adventures for them.

 

Oh, yes, I think their real wedding was elsewhere.  They looked like they couldn't get off that beach fast enough!  

 

As a sidenote, why do they call this location paradise, when it looks as bad this year as last?  It looks like they find the cheapest location possible, and just call it paradise.  

  • Love 4
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I thought I had read that the accommodations were supposed to be nicer this time than last season, but so far it doesn't look any better except maybe the beach area is bigger and nicer.  The buildings all seem to be open-air, and if crabs can get in that easily then so can bugs.  Also, they don't have A/C in the sleeping quarters?  NO THANKS.  Waking up sweaty like Ashley did is the exact opposite of what I consider paradise.  So was the date of riding around in dirt.  And swimming in a muddy looking river at night looked pretty much like a nope for me, too. 

I thought the accommodations were the same as last season?? I was under the impression they would be different, but they look the same to me so far... The rocky stairs, the huts, the lame looking interiors...I think it's the same place? Or maybe a different set of huts at the same "resort" (summer camp)? We'll really know if we catch a glimpse of the freshman dorm-style communal bathroom. Ick. 

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