Huh, I Never Knew That: True Facts That I Learned From Watching TV

[Bastet]

It is an honor and as such muscle not required.

 

There's something to that, as both my dad and I have been pallbearers that help carry the coffin, and both of us had our (weak) backs protest for some time afterward.  But I've never seen a coffin wheeled out rather than carried out.  Sounds like a good idea, though.

 

As for graveside ceremonies and funeral processions, I've been in many of both.  In fact, I'd say it has been almost a 50/50 split - for those who have had funerals rather than more casual memorial services where the body isn't present - between ceremonies that take place entirely graveside and those where the eulogies and such are delivered at a funeral home, church, etc. and then the coffin is carried to the hearse, which the procession follows to the gravesite, at which point there are brief remarks and perhaps some sort of ritual.  With either format, there's usually a gathering afterward at someone's house for family and close friends.

[MaryMitch]

I was watching an old "Law And Order" and realized: when giving the police information to confirm an alibi, everyone always knows off the top of their heads their friends' phone number and addresses - to the house number.  (Actually, this should be in the "Only On TV" thread, I guess. Oops.)

Edited June 12, 2014 by MaryMitch

[ABay]

Yes, I've been getting the threads confused as well.

[FormerMod-a1]

If different titles would help, you can always "report" a post in the thread and ask for a change due to confuse-ability.  Or post the request in the Suggestions forums.  If you have ideas for the titles, that's even better, but you don't need to do that.

[ABay]

The confusion probably stems from the TWOP thread names and will clear up as memories of our long ago home fade.

This thread on TWOP was Things I Actually Learned and what is Only on TV here was TV Lessons I've Learned.

[MaryMitch]

If different titles would help, you can always "report" a post in the thread and ask for a change due to confuse-ability.  Or post the request in the Suggestions forums.  If you have ideas for the titles, that's even better, but you don't need to do that.

No, I just messed up. As soon as I posted, I looked for a way to delete it but I didn't see one. My bad.

[DittyDotDot]

I just learned a very valuable lesson...if I ever wish to abduct someone, I should wait until they finish their phone conversation and hang up before I nab them. Otherwise, the person on the other end of the call may realize that something is up--because of the nontalking and/or screaming coming from my victim--and may alert someone who might come to my victim's rescue. Thereby thwarting my best laid (or not well thought out) plans.

 

Of course, this is only a useful lesson if and/or when I decide to start abducting folks, which, at this moment I do not have the urge to do.

[Sir RaiderDuck OMS]

Six Feet Under taught me that you need to stuff formaldehyde-soaked cotton up a corpse's ass to prevent anal leakage during the funeral.

 

Enjoy your dinner, folks!

[DittyDotDot]

What I learned from almost any genre show is that enemies are just potential friends in disguise and you should always trust and work with people who screwed you over in the past.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Not only can they be friends, they can also be love interests, because it's so hot to sleep with someone who once wanted to murder you.

[auntjess]

 

What I learned from almost any genre show is that enemies are just potential friends in disguise and you should always trust and work with people who screwed you over in the past.

What I learned from the ID crime shows, is just the opposite.  Anyone can and will kill you.

And you let them in.

 

On pallbearers, I've seen it more often that they carry the casket, but some people, usually very old people, don't have friends who are still able to carry a casket, so they wil be honorary pallbearers, and men from the funeral home will carry the casket.

 

[CoderLady]

I recently bought a set of clear plastic tumblers, each in a different beautiful jewel tone, not just because of the simple joy I get at the way light strikes through them but because if I ever decide to poison someone I'm drinking with they won't get away with switching glasses with me.

Edited October 1, 2014 by CoderLady

[ToxicUnicorn]

I've learned if I ever need to make a call while I'm on the run, I should throw my cellphone out the window of a moving car.

 

Also, if I am running away from someone in the woods and trip, I shouldn't worry about it because I will be going downhill, and my pursuers will never be able to tell where I've gone once I've rolled my way to safety.

 

Finally - and this one is probably from the eighties - I've learned that I need to take off an earring when I answer the phone.  Hmm. do you think that applies to men these days?

[BoogieBurns]

Finally - and this one is probably from the eighties - I've learned that I need to take off an earring when I answer the phone.  Hmm. do you think that applies to men these days?

 

You learned this from TV? My earrings stab me if I don't remove one. 

[auntjess]

Keep your mouth shut!

Everyday on a true crime show, the killer can't wait to brag to his friends about the murder.
The ultimate was on The Shift, where a guy comes almost directly from a murder, and calls his friend in jail, where he hears the "this line may be recorded," and still tells all about the murder, naming names, and giving the motive.
Another tip would be watch out for butt dials.
On one show we heard the killer who had taken the victim's cell, accidently call a friend of victim, and is heard saying "we've got to get all this blood washed up."

Edited October 1, 2014 by auntjess

[tribeca]

from Beverly Hills 90210 I learned you never have to say goodbye when talking on the phone.  Just hang up.  Conversation done.

[merylinkid]

 

 

Keep your mouth shut!

Everyday on a true crime show, the killer can't wait to brag to his friends about the murder.

The ultimate was on The Shift, where a guy comes almost directly from a murder, and calls his friend in jail, where he hears the "this line may be recorded," and still tells all about the murder, naming names, and giving the motive.

Another tip would be watch out for butt dials.

On one show we heard the killer who had taken the victim's cell, accidently call a friend of victim, and is heard saying "we've got to get all this blood washed up."

 

 

Happens all the time in real life.   Honestly.    People take pics with stolen phones and upload them to the cloud -- where the victim has the password.   People post on Facebook bragging about their crimes.    Etc.    Attorneys have the hardest time getting their clients to SHUT UP.

[Mulva]

This is true. A cop I know told me about the guy who stole a car, then took selfies sitting on the hood of the car, license plate showing, brandishing a machine gun. Easiest arrest he ever made.

What I learned from TV: Take the EZ Pass thingy out of the car before you drive into Manhattan to kill someone. Better yet, use someone else's car and disguise yourself so the cops can't ID you from the security footage from the toll plaza.

[Jac]

I learned from The Simpsons that William Henry Harrison died 30 days after taking office. (Don't judge me for not already knowing this, I am not American.)

[Aquarius]

I learned from The Simpsons that William Henry Harrison died 30 days after taking office. (Don't judge me for not already knowing this, I am not American.)

 

Who's to judge?  I'm sure few Americans know this.

[BizBuzz]

I learned from The Simpsons that William Henry Harrison died 30 days after taking office. (Don't judge me for not already knowing this, I am not American.)

 

I am American, and I learned that from Frasier. 

[Taylorh2]

What I learned: If you shoot/murder someone and the cops ask you what clothes are were wearing the last time you saw said person. DONT GIVE THE COPS THE ACTUAL CLOTHES/SHOES THAT YOU WERE WEARING!!  Why didn't you throw those clothes away ?   Far-far away in some random dumpster ?

 

I always shake my head and say 'you stupid moron!!! why wouldn't you just go into the laundry hamper/basket and get out some random clothes esp it it's the same day or two after the shooting/murder happened ?

[Guest Accused Dingo]

What i learned from tv: if you commit a murder.... TAKE OFF YOUR DAMN CLOTHES. Take the worlds longest shower, cut your damn nails, brush your damn hair. Then throw all your trash away in someone elses garbage. What? I thought it through.

Edited October 15, 2014 by Accused Dingo

[ABay]

You raise good points. So many people focus on how to commit a TV murder and body disposal but overlook the pre-murder details to prevent incriminating evidence.

[CoderLady]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locard%27s_exchange_principle'>Locard's Exchange Principle -- the CSI's best friend and the criminal's worst enemy.

[anstar]

I read a book once where the murderer got away for so long because there was 'no trace evidence'. Turned out she (yes, she) researched thoroughly and always wore the same thing as her victim.  No stray fibers.

[Mayonegg]

I've learnt that you can knock someone out by hitting them on the back of the head with the but of a gun without killing them or causing brain damage. I've also learnt never to enjoy a walk in the park or to talk about my personal life in public because I will stumble across the body of a murder victim. 

[Mayonegg]

Thanks to Gotham I have learnt that a murderer can't get rid of evidence because he didn't have shinny shoes.

[Bruinsfan]

Well, they were probably right about the biting. But yeah, I'm giving a wide berth to anything that could accidentally squash a car with me in it.

[blueray]

Primeval does show the dangers of herebivors. In one episode there are rinos (I think they were) that almost stamped people.

[merylinkid]

Apparently you must be a criminal or dating a criminal to get your own reality show.   And unless it is really something skeevy like child molestation the network carrying your show doesn't care.

 

1.   Theresa and Joe from Real Housewives of NJ -- so much fraud going on.

2.   Appollo from Realy Housewives of Atlanta -- ditto.

3.    Alaskan Bush People -- goes triple.

4.    Will Hayden Sons of Guns -- just ewwww - repeatedly raped his 12 year old daughter.   Show cancelled.

5.    Mamma June from Honey Boo Boo -- dating a convicted sex offender.   Show cancelled

 

I keep waiting to hear something underhanded about the Duggars.    I mean something official.   I want someone to examine the "trust" books.    

 

With the excpetion of Sons of Guns, I never watched any of the above shows.   But I see the news and I check out what is being said about said criminals here on PTV.    Good news, most PTVers disapprove of criminals.   

[Brandi Maxxxx]

Good news, most PTVers disapprove of criminals.   

And we don't care who knows.

[backformore]

What I learned from tv:

I only recently realized that I have a fear of parking garages. I rarely have the need to park in one, I always choose an UN-enclosed lot instead. But recently I had no choice, and I became very nervous, expecting what? A car chase, gunshots, a dead body, a mugger, explosion, SOMETHING bad always happens in a parking garage, right?

[Joe]

Related, I was watching a show and it had someone get in his car and drive away. The car didn't explode. Considering it was the kind of show where there might be a car bomb, it was surprising.

Edited November 7, 2014 by Joe

[annzeepark914]

I've learned over the years that it's ok to walk into your condo, house, apt., w/o turning on that light switch just inside the door.  And when you get inside, be sure to stand there fussing with the lock so that no one can get in (even tho' creepy music has started playing & it's still nasty dark inside your home).

 

Also, it's ok for me to walk (all by myself) down a dark alley or street wearing high heels...unless someone starts chasing me and my weak ankles crap out on me.

 

I also learned (& continue to learn) that while driving my car, it's ok to turn to my passenger & slowly speak a few sentences before slowly turning to look where I'm driving.  I can keep doing this & never rear-end the car ahead of me or drive through a red light...just because...I learned it on TV.

[MaryMitch]

I also learned (& continue to learn) that while driving my car, it's ok to turn to my passenger & slowly speak a few sentences before slowly turning to look where I'm driving.  I can keep doing this & never rear-end the car ahead of me or drive through a red light...just because...I learned it on TV.

Oh, that makes me nervous, just watching them.

[2KllMckngBrd]

I have read all the posts. I see that the point of "What I Learned From Watching TV" has even been explained. And I still have no freakin' idea if I am putting this in the right place. But here I go anyway. I learned from an Oprah episode in jr high, or high school, hell still in k-12 dammit...that you never let your kidnapper/attacker/rapist take you to the 2nd location. Never. Under. Any. Circumstances. Go. To. A. Secondary. "Crime Scene". Period. Full Stop.

 

I don't remember the guests name but they frequently did the talk show rounds back then. But on this particular Oprah I remember them going into great detail, and stressing, that you will not be coming back from location 2. This has literally stuck with me my whole life. I have repeated that info more times than I can count.

[Haleth]

I remember that episode from Oprah too.  I remember him saying that if you are stuffed in the trunk of a car, kick out the tail light, stick your hand out the hole, and wave like crazy to get someone's attention.

[2KllMckngBrd]

Me too!  I remember that guy, he was a former cop or something and he made the TV rounds. He had tips on how to not be a victim and once you are attacked in some way what to do to be smart about it and get out alive.  His biggest thing was no cooperating with a move to a secondary location, take your chances with a fight in the first location. I mean, all options suck in such a situation, but the secondary location thing was supposed to be a certainty for never getting out of it alive so....yeah. 

 

Most of the posts in this thread are kind of tongue in cheek because, you know, TV! But this kind of thing seems appropriate here to me too.  I had a crappy family that didn't really put much effort into raising me when I was growing up so I used to watch The Waltons and Little House on the Prairie for tips on what real parents might do or say in situations. It's actually worked out pretty well over all, to be honest. John Boy was full of good advice actually.  

 

When my son was nine I sat with him and tried to teach him something from TV while watching 21 Jump Street. It was an episode with white supremacists in it and I started to point out to him how they were evil and to never ever have anything to do with them when I remembered my son was half white and half not and the point was kind of moot.  I stopped and just told him, 'never mind.'  Right lesson, wrong kid.  Heh. 

Glad I'm not the only 1 who remembers that guy. I remember him saying if your attacker is going to kill you make him do it there. 'Cuz 9 times out of 10 the move to a 2nd location is to isolate you, and you are not getting out alive. You are right all options suck. But if I'm going down, I'm going down swinging. lol.

 

I am not doing cartwheels about my upbringing either. For me tv was my buddy. I have always watched a lot of it, and loved every minute of it. Tv is a 50/25/25 situation.50% tongue in cheek, and worthy of mocking. 25% is just art. But 25% is actually teaching valuable lessons. I too was a Little House gal. Books and Series. So I get it. I actually learned about how one treats those w/handicaps (that's what we called them back then) because of Mary and Adam. 1 entire weekend I put a bandanna around my eyes. I did not take it off for anything b/c I wanted to, in my childish simplicity, imagine what it would be like to lose your sight as a kid/teen.

 

Your colors of benneton 21Jump Street story had me cracking up. I had to take a minute after. Still laughing thinking about it. My family is the UN/Rainbow Coalition so I REALLY get it. I also learned what a racially balanced cast could look like from Jump Street.

 

 

I remember that episode from Oprah too.  I remember him saying that if you are stuffed in the trunk of a car, kick out the tail light, stick your hand out the hole, and wave like crazy to get someone's attention.

Remember that to. He said bust 'em all out if you can. And even if no one sees your hand, the taillights being out might alert a driver or a cop. That Oprah is also the 1st time I ever heard the advice to yell fire, never rape. People may ignore help and rape, but they hear fire, and everyone wants to know where (that would be a lmao if it wasn't sad and true)

[shapeshifter]

What I learned on TV:

If a dead body appears to be the victim of a mugging gone wrong, it is really a premeditated murder and most likely part of a larger conspiracy plot.

[ToxicUnicorn]

Also, if a character uncovers a conspiracy plot, it is really only a small part of a bigger conspiracy plot.

[shapeshifter]

Also, if a character uncovers a conspiracy plot, it is really only a small part of a bigger conspiracy plot.

--that involves a sociopath with either mommy or daddy issues.

[Guest]

Frasier (and I guess the West Wing) taught me how to order dinner in France.  The English speaker talks to the person that knows English and Portuguese, that person talks to the person that knows Portuguese and French, and that person talks to French waiter.  I don't recall why point at what you want wasn't working.

[proserpina65]

One of the first things I learned from TV, thanks to Schoolhouse Rock, was the Preamble to the Constitution.  Of course I have to sing it but at least I know it.

 

Me too!  I actually used that as one of my 'interesting story' things when I was on Jeopardy but Alex didn't choose to talk about that one.

[selkie]

Apparently you must be a criminal or dating a criminal to get your own reality show.   And unless it is really something skeevy like child molestation the network carrying your show doesn't care.

 

Murder will get your show cancelled as well- 'Megan Wants to Marry a Millionaire' was off the air the day after one of the bachelors was arrested for murdering his non-Megan wife.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megan_Wants_a_Millionaire

[ramble]

I remember that episode from Oprah too. I remember him saying that if you are stuffed in the trunk of a car, kick out the tail light, stick your hand out the hole, and wave like crazy to get someone's attention.

I bet that's the same one I saw. The guy talked about not giving in to the "polite" trap, especially if you're a woman. He emphasized things like get off the elevator, don't stop when asked, be okay with seeming rude. His premise focused on following your gut. I think it was Gavin de Becker who wrote The Gift of Fear & Protecting the Gift.

[merylinkid]

I remember that.   Women especially don't want to seem rude to complete strangers, so we don't listen to our gut.   Look, do you really care that a complete stranger might be offended because you got off the elevator?   Or would you rather ignore your gut and DIE?

[Bruinsfan]

Not sure whether or not you want to keep the baby you're going to have? Don't worry, you'll be spared the decision when you fall down a convenient flight of stairs and miscarry. Maude must have taken the elevator every time right up until she left the abortion clinic.

[Shannon L.]

I think we've mixed this up with Only on TV, but since this is the discussion in here now, I'll put my observation here:

 

When a couple can't conceive, men are always angry and bitter if anyone suggests that they get tested because it threatens their man-hood.  I'm not saying that there aren't men that feel that way, but tv would make it seem like it's all of them.  We had trouble conceiving, so I looked at my husband one day and said "Can you do your tests first?  Your first one, at least, will be easier than any of mine."  His response?  "Sure, no problem".

[kassa]

Gavin deBecker's book "The Gift of Fear" is well worth reading.  

 

 

What I NEVER see on tv is people crashing the car intentionally when being kidnapped.  If some dude jumps into my passenger seat, even with a gun to my head, and orders me to drive, I'm driving... right into a telephone pole.  On his side.  I wear my seat belt, but even if I don't, I'll take my chances with motor vehicle trauma and an ambulance ride, rather than rape, torture and dismemberment. 

 

Oh, and single women can't pick up groceries without a big loaf of French bread.