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Huh, I Never Knew That: True Facts That I Learned From Watching TV

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A place to discuss those things we actually did learn from watching television such as:

Don't play ball in the house! Just kidding. Or, maybe not.

Schoolhouse Rock taught me that 3 is a magic number and how a bill turns into law. Can't forget "Conjunction Junction, what's your function."

 

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I mentioned  these on the TWoP thread by the same name but I'm going to mention them again to maybe get the discussion going here.  One of the first things I learned from TV, thanks to Schoolhouse Rock, was the Preamble to the Constitution.  Of course I have to sing it but at least I know it.  I also have to sing my ABCs when I do any filing.  Thanks to Star Trek I've learned that people who wear red shirts are going to die a horrible death.  I also know the zip code for Beverly Hills is 90210.  Until the show Golden Girls I never knew what a lanai was.  Another TWoP'er mentioned this too.  

I'm so glad there's an edit button on this site.  I freqently forget how to spell for some reason.

Edited by shlbycindyk
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I learned my multiplication times 3 on schoolhouse rock and can still isn't it, and the preamble too. Also learned preliminary embroidery from some show on PBS.

Is this the place for snarky lessons learned, too?

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Dear Alex and Annie, I'm sad,I'm scared... I learned that a catchy melody can remain with you for decades! 

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No matter the nature of the fight, there's hardly any blood. Punching, stabbing, shooting... you can blow someone up and there won't be much blood. On the other hand, I watch MMA. One punch or elbow at the right angle can open someone up pretty badly. It's not that I'm a gorehound, I just like a little more realism these days.

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It's strange the things that you see on TV, that stick with you for years.  As a kid, I watched an episode of M*A*S*H dealing with a diabetic chopper pilot.  Thirty years later, I recognized diabetes in my son--because I remembered the symptoms Hawkeye and BJ discussed.  Still kind of freaks me out.

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That there really is a California Bureau of Investigation. When The Mentalist started I thought it was something like "Metropolitan PD"

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No matter the nature of the fight, there's hardly any blood. Punching, stabbing, shooting... you can blow someone up and there won't be much blood.

And little or no bruising.  You may have a one or two small cuts and one may even require a small band aid, but other wise, your face looks pretty good.

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No matter the nature of the fight, there's hardly any blood. Punching, stabbing, shooting... you can blow someone up and there won't be much blood.

You want blood?  Come to ID and the true crime shows.  LOTS of blood.

 

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Never talk to cops.  Ever.  Especially if you're guilty or innocent.  I watch a lot of true crime.  :-)

But if you're going to talk to cops, make sure to continue stacking those crates/drying those glasses/throwing those fish while you discuss the murder you witnessed, and get real annoyed at the gall of those cops to expect you to remember things like what the victim was wearing for God's sake. (I watch a lot of procedurals.)

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Can't forget "Conjunction Junction, what's your function."

Hooking up words, phrases, and clauses! #70skid!

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More on the subject of fights: I've learned that a good punch can render your victim temporarily unconscious for as long as you like (without permanent damage), while leaving no impact on your hand. As long as you're a good guy, you can precisely calculate the amount of force needed for any desired result.

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In a similar vein, I know from watching TV that it's ridiculously easy to kill someone by smothering him or her with a pillow.

From watching The Following, I've learned that a quick knife to the gut can kill someone instantly. On the other hand, I have also learned from The Following that a person can be opened up like a jack-o-lantern (and left for most-certainly-dead) but somehow survive. The deciding factor for whether a knife wound is instantly fatal or ultimately survivable is the victim's importance to the plot at any given moment.

Edited by Portia
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More on the subject of fights: I've learned that a good punch can render your victim temporarily unconscious for as long as you like (without permanent damage), while leaving no impact on your hand.

 

The exception is if you're a surgeon and have an important operation coming up.

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I

In a similar vein, I know from watching TV that it's ridiculously easy to kill someone by smothering him or her with a pillow.

 

Whereas, I know from real life that it is impossible to even smother their insufferable coming-down-from-a-meth-binge inarticulate and unending sleep utterances, even when you put some semi serious force behind said pillow.

 

So I am calling bullshit on the Mother Of Dragons' throw-pillow Vs the Comatose Drogo.

Edited by walnutqueen

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I've learned that I need to have all the same kind and size of boxes when I move. I can't have the random assortment I am currently amassing, such as beer boxes, soft drink cup boxes from a convenience store, assorted boxes from Sam's Club and Target. I must be doing something wrong.

Edited by OSM Mom
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I've learned not to "split up" when investigating something in the dark, spooky places or warehouses. Also, not to go in the basement alone.

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I learned that all local gang crime was cause by real estate speculators paying off gangsters to lower real estate values so they can buy up property just before the federal government puts urban renewal money into the community

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I know a lot about the building code--in Ontario.
If I were to dig postholes for a patio, here in Florida, I'd probably dig them 4' deep, to get below the frost line.

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So far I haven't had a chance to prove this BUT with zero medical training I know, I JUST KNOW I could pull off a tracheal intubation.

 

source: every episode of ER

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I think I saw someone do a tracheotomy on MASH maybe, with a sharpened spoon.

I've found that when you're shot, your shoes often come off.  True, according to First 48, but I can't figure out why.


 

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I think I saw someone do a tracheotomy on MASH maybe, with a sharpened spoon.

Actually, it was Father Mulcahey with a Tom Mix pocket knife.

Jack Tripper actually taught me how to separate eggs (which has come in handy, since I've recently switched to scrambled egg whites for breakfast).

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I learned from Mallory Keaton that SCUBA means Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus ( and that it wasn't invented by Magellan :)

 

Thanks.  He was with someone somewhere under fire, right?

Yes, he was.  I remember that scene well. 

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I learned to never ever ever marry any man named 'Cartwright'.  Kiss. Of.  Death.

 

 

OMG...I've always felt that way about the name "Peterson":

Scott Peterson - husband of Laci. father of Connor;

Drew Peterson - murderer cop with an attitude problem.  Two dead wives - really?;

Michael Peterson - mild-mannered author with two wives at the bottom of stairwells;

and I think there have been a couple more!

 

I've learned that if I'm going to commit a crime to bear the pain and make sure I'm wearing shoes that are at least two sizes too small in case I leave footprints behind.  It doesn't work the other way because the cops have figured out that you can easily get your foot in a bigger shoe.  Duh!

Edited by Tunia
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The old sitcom Day By Day taught me the difference between infer and imply.

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I've learned not to investigate anything in dark, spooky places or warehouses
I've learned that it's mandatory to investigate any allegedly haunted place, and gory crime scene, in the dark.

 

Another thing TV has taught me--everyone wears shoes indoors at all times, and everyone stores their shoes--when not being worn--in their bedroom closet. No one has a front hall strewn with sneakers or walks around barefoot or in socks.

 

TV Lessons I've Learned was one of my favorite TWOP threads, so I'm thrilled to find it here!

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I learned what "69" was when watching WKRP in Cincinnati (I was between the ages of 9 and 13 when it came out).  They made a joke about it and I asked why it was funny and my friend told me. 

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I've learned from Saved by the Bell that there is no hope with dope. 

 

I learned from Barbara Walters interviewing Whitney Houston; crack is not only whack, but also cheap. (At the time Whitney made far too much money to smoke crack).

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I have learned that criminals like to take their time to kill someone. They have to tease them and taunt them, play Tiddlywinks with them, but they don't kill them when they have the chance, and when they are ready to kill them, they are stopped by the victim or law enforcement who happens to come in at the right time.

 

I also learned if a celebrity is in town for whatever reason, it will be easy to bypass security to get to that celebrity. Better yet, when you get to that celebrity, they will be more than happy to do whatever it is you need them for, except Jermaine Jackson, who totally makes you change your mind about being his number one fan.

 

College kids or people right out of college can afford real nice, comfortable apartments in the nicest and pricey part of town.

 

I have learned so much from watching PBS. I really have. Too many to list.

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You know what I've learned from watching TV? I could never be a villain simply because I never, ever feel the need to yammer on and on about my evil plans for evilness. I guess I'm just not chatty enough to be truly villainous. Sigh. And, I so wanted to take over the world. ;)

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It's too much work, Ditty, that's what I've learned. And then once you take it over, what are you going to do with it? Enjoy it for 5 minutes before the inevitable yet unexpected betrayal by your trusted minion.

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True ABay, at the very least I should get 10 minutes to enjoy my victory before I get stabbed in the back--I guess it's not really worth the effort. I should just embrace my unvillianous way then. ;)

 

Offering another life lesson from TV: I've learned that you should never, ever move to the peaceful utopia known as "the country." This will only result in your sudden and immediate death by your in-bred and unschooled but dastardly brilliant shut-in of a neighbor. I repeat, NEVER, EVER, move to "the country".
 

Edited by DittyDotDot
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I said this on that other board, so apologies if you've read it before, but I have learned that funerals always take place graveside. Nobody sits in a chapel or Jewish memorial or church.I have learned that said cemetaries are always next to the place of worship, never, say, 10 miles away down the freeway. I have learned that pallbearers in America actually carry the coffin (though I've never seen this, ever, just people called pallbearers who touch the coffin as it goes by on a rolling cart).

 

My mother actually pointed this out to me and now it's a pet peeve. Surely TV writers have been to funerals.

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I have learned that pallbearers in America actually carry the coffin

My grandfather's was carried in, but, no I don't see it often.

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Both my grandparents' coffins were carried in by pallbearers. But it was a very small, old community cemetery that maybe wasn't suited for the roller thingy spoke about earlier.

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I have learned that pallbearers in America actually carry the coffin (though I've never seen this, ever, just people called pallbearers who touch the coffin as it goes by on a rolling cart).

 

I tend to notice the on-TV versus real-life preponderance of the other things you mentioned, but this one doesn't stand out to me as I've only been to one funeral where the pallbearers didn't carry the coffin (which is why it sticks in my memory).

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What else would a pallbearer do?  Isn't carrying the coffin the definition of pallbearer?  I've seen pallbearers carry them several times in real life.  However, I don't think I've even seen it on TV.  It's usually scenes at the service or graveside - none carrying the coffin to the hearse or anything.

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They are people who walk with the coffin. It's an honor. This is how it's done at every Jewish funeral I've been to including my fathers.You exit first and walk with the coffin. The funeral director announces the pallbearers, as well. I recognize that the term means carry and that it's sometimes still done that way but I've never seen it.

And sadly have been to many other relatives funerals and it was always done that way. The coffin is in the chapel when it starts and then it is wheeled out. It is an honor and as such muscle not required. It has the advantage I guess of being able to include children and old people perhaps but disadvantage in that you don't feel the weight and the burden.

Also fwiw Jewish funerals are closed casket, and plain pine box is preferred. They are almost never in the synagogue itself. I've been to one graveside funeral in my life. I personally haven't been to any Christian funerals but my mom has, and no graveside there either. Maybe it's regional but here in suburban nj there are hardly any churches of any denomination with usable cemetery space next door.

I've never seen a funeral on tv anything like one I've actually been to. The line of cars with headlights on he hat signals a funeral procession... Never seen it, because on tv people always exit the church and go to tbhe cemetery.

Another thing I've learned from TV is that headstones appear almost instantaneously. Not a year later (which is our tradition). They are always the vertical kind, never the kind embedded in the grass.

Edited by lucindabelle

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