Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[andromeda331]

12 hours ago, NotthebadVictoria said:

When my kiddo was hospitalized at 2 the intake lady wanted to know her religion..... I said.........she’s 2, pretty sure she doesn’t grasp that yet 🤣. She looked at me like I had just murdered a puppy. 

My dad got that question while talking to hospital about his upcoming hemorrhoid surgery. Even though its not serious it freaked him out. "Why are you asking me that?" He was assured it was routine. Sure its routine but I can't imagine it puts anyone at ease no matter how minor the surgery is to be asked what their religion is. 

I'm so sorry @jjane.   

Edited May 24, 2021 by andromeda331

[Scarlett45]

Update on me, my Mom has been cleared back to work from her emergency bowel obstruction and is doing just fine. She even had lunch with a friend this week! I am glad she is seeing her friends and getting emotional support after my God-Mother's passing.

 

Now that my own household is stable again, I checked back in with my cousin (hoarder, caregiver to my 87yrs old great aunt with dementia) I wanted to make plans to go over there and make sure they were both okay. I did not want to go to the hoard, but I feel I have a moral obligation to my great aunt as long as she is breathing.

Well like I figured, my cousin suspects it was me who called Social Services, but wont say so or confront me directly because she KNOWS I am right. She says my Aunt wont eat pastries (I offered to come over and bring them food, and give her a kiss on the forehead). She is trying to get her mother "stabilized". (exact phrase "I am trying to stabilize my Mom.") Last time I saw my great aunt she wasn't eating solid food (she was drinking just fine, but not enough to sustain her weight just by liquid calories).

I know I did everything I could possibly do, I am not angry any more but I am deeply hurt and upset. I am very happy my other great aunts and uncles are not alive to see this. This is the LAST situation I would've wanted for either one of them. No matter what my cousin has done I wouldn't want her living that way. 

OH and she has acquired another cat- a girl by the looks of the coloring. Now she is starting with the animals. (now two cats and a dog in the hoarder house with an unchecked mice and whatever else infestation)

I really could not make this up.

[ozziemom]

@Scarlett45 Glad to hear your mom is getting back to normal life. Sorry about your great aunt and cousin. Everything I’ve read about hoarding indicates it’s difficult to help them in any meaningful way. Also, love the pictures of Cosmos, he’s a beautiful boi.

[SunnyBeBe]

Scarlett, you are right. You did the most caring thing one could in the situation and you are offering to help....it’s unfortunate that she is progressing with her condition.  I hope the new cat is spayed.  Where does she get the cats?  
 

Good news about your mother!

Edited May 25, 2021 by SunnyBeBe

[Scarlett45]

4 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Scarlett, you are right. You did the most caring thing one could in the situation and you are offering to help....it’s unfortunate that she is progressing with her condition.  I hope the new cat is spayed.  Where does she get the cats?  
 

Good news about your mother!

No none of her animals are fixed. So far she has a 3.5yrs old male pitbull, a 2yrs old female tabby cat and a female kitten that looks about 6weeks old from the picture. She SAID she gave the boy kitten to a cousin, but I cannot believe her. I think she gets the cats when an alley cat has kittens. Also another cousin of ours had one of his indoor/outdoor cats give birth.

I know my great aunt likely doesn't have long, but my cousin will only be 52 next month. She is only going to get worse. I sat at my desk after getting that text and I cried. This is the last thing I would've wanted for either one of them. My Aunt doesn't deserve to live her last years like this. Whatever mistakes she made as a mother, she didn't abuse that girl, she didnt mistreat that girl, she treated her as if she was the most special snowflake who ever lived and gave her EVERYTHING emotionally, physically, and financially she had to give. If my cousin couldnt take care of her with the dementia, she should've used my Aunt's own money to care for her. Which is what she saved the money for!

And when the other cousins called her on it, she has shut us out (I am not the only one who has told her to clean up the house and take better care of our Aunt). The oldest member in our family (88yrs old, my Aunt's very first niece who is actually 11months her senior) did put the fire under her buttocks to get a fridge (thank god), but thats all she was able to accomplish.

[peppergal]

On 5/24/2021 at 10:15 AM, andromeda331 said:

My dad got that question while talking to hospital about his upcoming hemorrhoid surgery. Even though its not serious it freaked him out. "Why are you asking me that?" He was assured it was routine. Sure its routine but I can't imagine it puts anyone at ease no matter how minor the surgery is to be asked what their religion is. 

I'm so sorry @jjane.   

It probably comes from wanting to know if a patient has any religious restrictions on treatment like the JWs that prohibit blood products. 

My county health department was a little more circumspect about it when I called to make my vaccine appointment.  They just asked "do you have any religious requirements?"  That was open ended enough that people who couldn't go a specific day of the week, or who objected to one of the vaccine types, or required a private setting, or whatever to express their requirements without leading to the "why are you asking me my religion in order to make an appointment"

 

[iwantcookies]

1 minute ago, peppergal said:

It probably comes from wanting to know if a patient has any religious restrictions on treatment like the JWs that prohibit blood products. 

My county health department was a little more circumspect about it when I called to make my vaccine appointment.  They just asked "do you have any religious requirements?"  That was open ended enough that people who couldn't go a specific day of the week, or who objected to one of the vaccine types, or required a private setting, or whatever to express their requirements without leading to the "why are you asking me my religion in order to make an appointment"

 

And dietary restrictions as well. Some religions prohibit pork etc.

[Scarlett45]

Yes the religious question is often in regard to comfort during care, access to spiritual advisor/counselors, dietary restrictions etc. If someone identifies as Muslim, you wouldn't send a Catholic priest into their room for comfort unless they requested it. Also demographic data for the hospital. 

[Boston]

On 5/19/2021 at 8:54 PM, Madtown said:

We went grocery shopping tonight for the first time without having to wear a mask. I got completely teary eyed. I never thought the day would come. I am forever thankful for the scientists who worked so hard for the vaccines. I know every one has different thoughts on vaccines and that's ok. I'm not hear to debate it. I'm just happy. I also know many are not ready to ditch the mask and that's ok too. I'm just overcome with emotions right now...😊

I just went food shopping this morning.  I was shopping like there were ARROWS still on the floor - til I saw people coming toward me..lol (I wasn't the only one).  I still had to wear a mask  but at least I could roll my cart every which way!  I am also vaccinated, but if stores have a mandate I'm cool with that.

[andromeda331]

56 minutes ago, peppergal said:

It probably comes from wanting to know if a patient has any religious restrictions on treatment like the JWs that prohibit blood products. 

My county health department was a little more circumspect about it when I called to make my vaccine appointment.  They just asked "do you have any religious requirements?"  That was open ended enough that people who couldn't go a specific day of the week, or who objected to one of the vaccine types, or required a private setting, or whatever to express their requirements without leading to the "why are you asking me my religion in order to make an appointment"

 

I think that's a better way to ask it. It doesn't sound like the doctor is asking in case you don't survive the surgery.  

53 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

And dietary restrictions as well. Some religions prohibit pork etc.

That's probably it.

[iwantcookies]

27 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Yes the religious question is often in regard to comfort during care, access to spiritual advisor/counselors, dietary restrictions etc. If someone identifies as Muslim, you wouldn't send a Catholic priest into their room for comfort unless they requested it. Also demographic data for the hospital. 

100% agree

[Cinnabon]

2 hours ago, andromeda331 said:

I think that's a better way to ask it. It doesn't sound like the doctor is asking in case you don't survive the surgery.  

That's probably it.

In this case, OP was talking about a 2-year old, though.

[CouchTater]

@doodlebug hasn't logged into the site in 2 weeks.  I hope all is ok.

[ProfCrash]

5 minutes ago, Cinnabon said:

In this case, OP was talking about a 2-year old, though.

Families that are religious normally raise their kids in that religion. That could mean dietary restrictions and the need for a Chaplin that understands the families religious needs as well as the 2 year olds religious needs.

[Rootbeer]

20 minutes ago, Cinnabon said:

In this case, OP was talking about a 2-year old, though.

The thing is, dietary restrictions due to religion can be tricky.  For example, an observant Jew or Muslim wouldn't want their child to be given Jello, since the gelatin is derived from pork.  I imagine Jello is probably a staple on the pediatric unit and it is not like a 2 year old can understand or explain why they shouldn't get Jello.

[Mindthinkr]

Just a bit of news...

My oldest grandchild, the one with disabilities, is graduating High School tomorrow. She wasn’t supposed to live past the ages of 14-16. She’s 19 and is also on the honor roll. Mind you her courses are not those of a normal child, but she worked hard to come this far. I called her tonight to tell her how proud I am of her. The ceremony is parents only. Thanks Covid. 

[iwantcookies]

Anyone else having really bad allergies this year? I am beyond miserable. My usual medication isn’t doing it’s job. 

40 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

Just a bit of news...

My oldest grandchild, the one with disabilities, is graduating High School tomorrow. She wasn’t supposed to live past the ages of 14-16. She’s 19 and is also on the honor roll. Mind you her courses are not those of a normal child, but she worked hard to come this far. I called her tonight to tell her how proud I am of her. The ceremony is parents only. Thanks Covid. 

Congratulations to your grandchild!!! Your family must be so happy and proud!

[SunnyBeBe]

6 hours ago, CouchTater said:

@doodlebug hasn't logged into the site in 2 weeks.  I hope all is ok.

Me too. Does anyone know if she had any upcoming surgery or travel plans?

[Nysha]

1 hour ago, Mindthinkr said:

My oldest grandchild, the one with disabilities, is graduating High School tomorrow. She wasn’t supposed to live past the ages of 14-16. She’s 19 and is also on the honor roll. Mind you her courses are not those of a normal child, but she worked hard to come this far. I called her tonight to tell her how proud I am of her. The ceremony is parents only. Thanks Covid. 

@Mindthinkr, that's great news! I'm sorry you can't be there, though.

[SunnyBeBe]

2 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

Just a bit of news...

My oldest grandchild, the one with disabilities, is graduating High School tomorrow. She wasn’t supposed to live past the ages of 14-16. She’s 19 and is also on the honor roll. Mind you her courses are not those of a normal child, but she worked hard to come this far. I called her tonight to tell her how proud I am of her. The ceremony is parents only. Thanks Covid. 

That’s incredible.  Congratulations! I can only imagine how proud you are.  

Edited May 26, 2021 by SunnyBeBe

[Love2dance]

Congratulations, @Mindthinkr, you must be so proud of your granddaughter.
We also have a grandson graduating from high school and he can only invite two guests, so of course his parents are going. Even his sister can’t attend. We are so sad to miss it, just like you.

[Mindthinkr]

8 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Me too. Does anyone know if she had any upcoming surgery or travel plans?

She doesn’t know me well enough to discuss things not on this thread, but agree that this is getting worrisome. Even if she was slammed at work I think she would at least do a check in with us...or warn us if she was traveling. I sincerely hope that she is well. 

[GeeGolly]

First let me say Doodlebug is fine and keeping all those Ohio koochies well and good.

I can't really speak for DBug, but I'm guessing by her posts she was feeling what myself and many others were feeling these last couple of months - protective. A great MD's default mode is providing and promoting physical/emotional wellness, no matter the situation. DBug did that here and did it often.

I know I will for sure miss her. I'll miss our debates, I'll miss her humor and I'll for sure miss her koochie expertise.

 

[Crochetlady]

@Mindthinkr congratulations to your granddaughter! Well done! 

[crazycatlady58]

42 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

First let me say Doodlebug is fine and keeping all those Ohio koochies well and good.

I can't really speak for DBug, but I'm guessing by her posts she was feeling what myself and many others were feeling these last couple of months - protective. A great MD's default mode is providing and promoting physical/emotional wellness, no matter the situation. DBug did that here and did it often.

I know I will for sure miss her. I'll miss our debates, I'll miss her humor and I'll for sure miss her koochie expertise.

 

Well, I hope she reads here still and knows she is missed. Please come back soon Doodlebug. 

[iwantcookies]

@Christina87 @Barb23 @Oldernowiser hi and hope you are okay 

[Jeanne222]

Oh I hope to see Doodlebug posting again.  I enjoyed and learned from her posts.  She is surely missed.

[Love2dance]

So glad to hear @doodlebug and all the koochies are ok. Thanks for letting us know, @GeeGolly.

[andromeda331]

18 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

Just a bit of news...

My oldest grandchild, the one with disabilities, is graduating High School tomorrow. She wasn’t supposed to live past the ages of 14-16. She’s 19 and is also on the honor roll. Mind you her courses are not those of a normal child, but she worked hard to come this far. I called her tonight to tell her how proud I am of her. The ceremony is parents only. Thanks Covid. 

Congratulations! That's wonderful!

[emmawoodhouse]

New kitty! We won't pick her up until Sunday (she's recovering from spaying), but I've already renamed her Demelza. 😺

[andromeda331]

Just now, emmawoodhouse said:

New kitty! We won't pick her up until Sunday (she's recovering from spaying), but I've already renamed her Demelza. 😺

She's so cute!

[CalicoKitty]

She is beautiful.  Thank you for adopting.

[SunnyBeBe]

Have you ever felt helpless about some situation?  It can be so frustrating.  I’ve loved this song for a long time. Joni Mitchell is on backgrounds.

 

Edited May 26, 2021 by SunnyBeBe

[emmawoodhouse]

47 minutes ago, CalicoKitty said:

She is beautiful.  Thank you for adopting.

We always adopt. Except the time we rescued a neglected neighbor's former cat. They never put up signs that he was missing. Needless to say, that guy never wanted to go outside again. ❤️

[awaken]

10 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

First let me say Doodlebug is fine and keeping all those Ohio koochies well and good.

I can't really speak for DBug, but I'm guessing by her posts she was feeling what myself and many others were feeling these last couple of months - protective. A great MD's default mode is providing and promoting physical/emotional wellness, no matter the situation. DBug did that here and did it often.

I know I will for sure miss her. I'll miss our debates, I'll miss her humor and I'll for sure miss her koochie expertise.

 

Does “I will miss her” mean she’s not planning to come back?  And protective over what/whom as it refers to these boards?

[NotthebadVictoria]

On 5/25/2021 at 3:13 PM, ProfCrash said:

Families that are religious normally raise their kids in that religion. That could mean dietary restrictions and the need for a Chaplin that understands the families religious needs as well as the 2 year olds religious needs.

That’s what was funny, she didn’t ask mine or our families just my kids. I understand the question it was just funny that she had such a strong reaction to me saying my 2 year old didn’t grasp religion yet. I am a Heathen Catholic and tithe to my church for the sole purpose of having the father on standby for emergencies. 

[Scarlett45]

Cliff notes in my life: 

 I had to call social services on my cousin for the hoarding, mice and lack of nursing care for my great aunt. Well it seems my cousin then got pissed and wouldn’t let me see my aunt (either in video or in person), for SEVERAL WEEKS. When I last saw my aunt she wasnt eating, so I called for a wellness check on the both of them because my cousin wasnt making sense and I was getting bad vibes from the texts.

It seems yesterday afternoon my cousin called the oldest person in our family J, who is 88yrs old told her lies that me and my mom were harassing her and we were on her front porch. UMMMMMMM I was at home on the other side of town. It is a weekday and I work for a living.

J left me a very nasty voicemail SCREAMING at me telling me she should call the police and this was harassment and this was my mother's doing and put my Mom on the phone. When I listened to this voicemail, I was so shocked, I took a picture of myself next to my AC clock and said "I have been home all day outside of walking my dog, I am not sure of what you are referring to."

J then back tracked via text and apologized for the nasty voicemail, but then started going after my Mom and saying that my Mom has done nothing but disrespect my cousin and she is tired of her etc etc and laws have been broken (no laws have been broken).

I told J "As far as my mother, she did teach me to respect my elders." aka "go fuck yourself".

I knew my cousin was unhinged but I really expected more from J. Why did she come at me with such a nasty message, you would think she could say "Hey, i am hearing some things, can we talk about it as a family?"

After more texts from J, insinuating that I have hooked my horse to my Mother and she is trying to protect me from authorities (HUH??). I blocked her. I had to block her because I cannot tolerate this foolishness. If she had kept my mother's name out of her mouth, I would've remained civil, but NOPE.

I fully expect a retaliation report concerning my sister (if they remember she exists, people often forget), I put the caregiver on alert, we have nothing to hide. 

I hope you notice two things- 1. no one has ever said that my cousin wasnt a hoarder, that she was taking good care of my aunt, that she was mentally stable and the house was safe; and 2. IF I was on my great aunt's front porch, one unexpected visit from a relative with whom you have a social relationship and I have been showing up to her house unannounced for the 35yrs I have been alive would NOT be harassment. In the legal or the social sense. 

Yesterday was a SHITTY DAY. Also, everyone else I have told that story to, who knows all the parties, agrees that I did the right thing, the wellness check was appropriate, and that J should know better because she has known me my entire life and she knows how I am and why the hell was she screaming.

 

Also note, that my 51 almost 52 yrs old cousin didnt call/text/email me once. Now that her mom is too sick to fight her battles she wants to send an 88yrs old woman after me. Okay that's real mature.

P.S. My Mom is very hurt that she says my family hates her, and she feels awful for my Aunt after all she gave to the family to be treated like this, and if anyone has a problem with her, they have her cell phone number.

[CouchTater]

I'm so sorry @Scarlett45.  No good deed goes unpunished, does it?

It sounds like you have done everything you can do.    You were smart to block your other aunt, it's not serving a purpose to try to defend yourself and justifying your actions.  You don't owe anyone further explanation.  I hope you and your mom are able to find some peace with the situation with your aunt and cousin.  And I hope that your aunt gets the help she needs.

Did anything come of the wellness check or call to social services?

[Scarlett45]

3 minutes ago, CouchTater said:

I'm so sorry @Scarlett45.  No good deed goes unpunished, does it?

It sounds like you have done everything you can do.    You were smart to block your other aunt, it's not serving a purpose to try to defend yourself and justifying your actions.  You don't owe anyone further explanation.  I hope you and your mom are able to find some peace with the situation with your aunt and cousin.  And I hope that your aunt gets the help she needs.

Did anything come of the wellness check or call to social services?

Thank you. I did get confirmation that my Aunt was alive and in the house- but who knows if she has bed sores, or is being turned etc etc. 

I did do everything I could do, I have not a baby toe of regret. Not a baby toe. I have been nothing but reasonable and respectful, even of my cousin who I would love some knock some sense into. My cousin needs help herself! The. House. Is. FILTHY.

Likely another cousin will text me when our great aunt dies, but I don't expect to hear from anyone else again. 

If there is an afterlife I will see my great aunt there, and if there is not, well I was loved and all the better for it. 

[Cinnabon]

5 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Thank you. I did get confirmation that my Aunt was alive and in the house- but who knows if she has bed sores, or is being turned etc etc. 

I did do everything I could do, I have not a baby toe of regret. Not a baby toe. I have been nothing but reasonable and respectful, even of my cousin who I would love some knock some sense into. My cousin needs help herself! The. House. Is. FILTHY.

Likely another cousin will text me when our great aunt dies, but I don't expect to hear from anyone else again. 

If there is an afterlife I will see my great aunt there, and if there is not, well I was loved and all the better for it. 

When your aunt left the hospital, did they give her an option to go into a rehab/nursing home for a few weeks? I wonder why they released her to home.

[Scarlett45]

1 minute ago, Cinnabon said:

When your aunt left the hospital, did they give her an option to go into a rehab/nursing home for a few weeks? I wonder why they released her to home.

Because my cousin (her daughter and caregiver) refused to let her go anywhere. My Aunt's dementia had progressed so far, she bit nurses and attacked staff. It took THREE people to clean her (she weighs about 110lbs right now), two to hold her down, and one to clean her because she was so out of it. They suggested memory care, my cousin said no.

I was very happy when my Aunt was in the hospital because there were at least eyes on her, and assistance. I suggested memory care for my Aunt or at least the house cleaned up so home health could come in. My cousin said she didnt trust anyone to take care of her. Okay, then clean up the house so a caregiver can come in and you all can work TOGETHER to take care of her.

My cousin said she could handle it- and rather than getting an ambulance to bring my Aunt home (because she is bed ridden), she called a ne'er-do-well cousin to load her into his SUV, and bring her into the house. I am also mad at that cousin because it was IMMORAL to bring her back there in that condition and he actively participated. 

[Mindthinkr]

@Scarlett45 You have done well by her and kudos to you for being able to stand up to them, block someone when necessary for your own well being, try to help or get appropriate help, and lucky them that you really had what is best for them in your heart and mind. Shame on them for lashing out bless their hearts. 

I hope Social Services steps up to the plate and gets this fixed. 
No one should invite unnecessary bad karma into their life. 

 

[Scarlett45]

30 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

@Scarlett45 You have done well by her and kudos to you for being able to stand up to them, block someone when necessary for your own well being, try to help or get appropriate help, and lucky them that you really had what is best for them in your heart and mind. Shame on them for lashing out bless their hearts. 

I hope Social Services steps up to the plate and gets this fixed. 
No one should invite unnecessary bad karma into their life. 

 

Thank you. Not a baby toe of regret. 

But you notice, no one has suggested my Aunt is fine and well cared for right? That has not come out of anyone's mouth in the last two years.

My cousin is such a coward. SUCH a coward. If you have a problem with something Ive done or you think I have done- ask me, and we can talk about it. 

Also my cousin is dumb, if you think I am so concerned about my Aunt I am calling social services (which I am), refusing me entry or video of her for OVER A MONTH and saying I cannot come by to see her for WEEKS is not going to give me comfort or get me to stop calling. If my great aunt was aware she would be ashamed of her daughter. 

I watched my god mother leave her home with three weeks left to live to get away from her husband, I know if my great aunt could she would be calling me "get me out of this house, take me to your house, take me to a hotel."

I was sharing with another friend who had been through some similar stuff given her Mom has early onset Alzheimer's "You don't get to decide when you want to be family."

[Nysha]

@Scarlett45, I'm so sorry you are going through this and my heart breaks for your Aunt who deserves so much better. I don't get that everyone seems to know that she isn't fine and well cared for, but they're ignoring it to placate your cousin who isn't doing well, either.

Edited May 28, 2021 by Nysha

[Love2dance]

Sending hugs and support to you @Scarlett45. As everyone has said, you have done everything you can to help your aunt. So sorry you are having to go through this.

 

[Scarlett45]

So in some not so heavy news:

 

I am down 35lbs since October 16, 2020. I am quite pleased and feeling good. Since Cosmo came to live with me I have been getting so much exercise with him that doesn't feel like a punishment. For most of the last month my weight loss was stalled, I was staying in the same 2lbs range (which is maintaining) and then I started losing again. Truthfully I would prefer closer to a 2lbs a week loss, but I do have a sedentary job and I am not burning that many calories in a day. 

So long as its consistent I cannot really complain. I have noticed some clothing items are getting looser, and my THIGHS are smaller- that's got to be due to walking with the baby man. Likely by the time the fall/winter comes around I will need new work pants. Summer makes it easy to dress with blouses and dresses. 

 

I have a test day to return to the office in June, and I am looking forward to choosing my outfit. 

[ozziemom]

5 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

So in some not so heavy news:

 

I am down 35lbs since October 16, 2020. I am quite pleased and feeling good. Since Cosmo came to live with me I have been getting so much exercise with him that doesn't feel like a punishment. For most of the last month my weight loss was stalled, I was staying in the same 2lbs range (which is maintaining) and then I started losing again. Truthfully I would prefer closer to a 2lbs a week loss, but I do have a sedentary job and I am not burning that many calories in a day. 

So long as its consistent I cannot really complain. I have noticed some clothing items are getting looser, and my THIGHS are smaller- that's got to be due to walking with the baby man. Likely by the time the fall/winter comes around I will need new work pants. Summer makes it easy to dress with blouses and dresses. 

 

I have a test day to return to the office in June, and I am looking forward to choosing my outfit. 

That is good news! One of the best things about dog ownership is all the walking you end up doing, every single day. Rain, snow or sun.

[Scarlett45]

33 minutes ago, ozziemom said:

That is good news! One of the best things about dog ownership is all the walking you end up doing, every single day. Rain, snow or sun.

I know! I have made arrangements for him to get an afternoon walk when I return to the office (looking like hybrid sometime this summer), but I can tell he does NOT like the heat, so I will be sure to get up early and give him a proper walk in the morning- around 6am, and then I can leave at 7am for work.

I am thinking about the logistics when fall comes again and the winter comes, it will be dark so early.

[Scarlett45]

11 hours ago, Nysha said:

@Scarlett45, I'm so sorry you are going through this and my heart breaks for your Aunt who deserves so much better. I don't get that everyone seems to know that she isn't fine and well cared for, but they're ignoring it to placate your cousin who isn't doing well, either.

Well I think, 1. No body wants to accept that my great aunt is being mistreated because then there is responsibility to accept. 2. People are very passive and often willing to look the other way when they know wrong is being done, "not my business"- no, your decision to buy too many shoes isnt my business, your decision to not work is not my business, but a basic level of care for a vulnerable adult is the state's business. That is why we have elder services in the first place.

Some friends (who have known all the parties involved for many years, have spent social time with all of us before my Aunt's dementia etc) state that my cousin MUST HAVE have been telling lies about me(and my Mom) for years, and that we are mean to her blah blah blah. Because even if everything my cousin told J was true (that I was on her porch and she didn't want to talk to me), WHY would that be harassment? When have I never been NOT welcome in my great aunt's home? I have been always been welcome to come any time. And if we did have a fight and I came anyway, the appropriate question would be "why are you all fighting? whats going on? maybe cool down and talk later". 

J wants to now bring my Mom into it, as the scapegoat, because I am still family and my Mom is not, so they can always forgive me, rather than take a hard look at themselves. In J's mind my cousin is still that 29 week old premie baby born in 1969 who everyone thought would die, and she must be protected.

Everything I have ever done has been to keep my cousin OUT of jail for an elder neglect charge, and keep them both clean and safe. In 3yrs if they find my cousin crushed under the hoard, people will say "why didnt someone say anything?" You think I want to go into that nasty house? You think I want to check the plumbing and the hot water? I can only think of all of the mouse droppings (and who knows what else) around and them both breathing in that mess. And it's getting WORSE.

I dont see anyone else going and bringing them food and making sure they are okay. My great aunt deserves my devotion, she didn't do anything wrong but love her daughter and spoil her too much, my cousin does not deserve my devotion or my consideration any more. And as much as my great aunt gave to EVERYONE in this family, it is a damn shame that the only people looking out for her best interests are me, and one of my other older male cousins who offered money (no questions asked) for new appliances and to pay a team to clean up the house, and for them to stay in an air bnb until it was done. He has tried, but he is sick himself and has had severe health complications.

Truthfully though my cousin has been jealous of me for a long time- as soon as I got up some size, she was jealous of how much my Aunt loved me and how proud everyone was of me and what a great daughter and caregiver I was. And my cousin may think I am an arrogant bitch who wants to lord my education and money in her face (Nevermind she had all the same opportunities I did and was too lazy to pass her exams and work for a living), but I never let my family live in filth.

[peppergal]

15 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

I know! I have made arrangements for him to get an afternoon walk when I return to the office (looking like hybrid sometime this summer), but I can tell he does NOT like the heat, so I will be sure to get up early and give him a proper walk in the morning- around 6am, and then I can leave at 7am for work.

I am thinking about the logistics when fall comes again and the winter comes, it will be dark so early.

If your area is generally safe after dark, there are great reflective (and even light up) harnesses for dogs and vests for humans to keep you safer in traffic.  The vest I got is really a set of elastic suspenders attached to an elastic belt.  It is totally adjustable in size so I can wear it over a winter coat easily and still not have it too loose if I'm in just a t-shirt and pants.  They also make lamps that can attach to your head if you need to better see where you are going and still have your hands free for poop retrieval.  If it is more of a general don't feel safe after dark thing, then checking someplace like meetup may help you find other dog owners in your neighborhood that could do buddy walks with you in the evenings.