S04.E02: Great Expectations

[Leilani]

So No Neck knew Rose less then three months and sent her $5k.

I don't feel bad for him though lying about his age and height and chasing a young girl 30+ years younger.

Mind the appropriate age gap ED!

Half age plus seven rule: In dating/romantic/intimate relationships, the age of the younger person should not be less than half the age of the older person plus seven years.

[MajorNelson]

I love how everyone is saying that the foreign person is the love of their lives, their soulmate, and that so-and-so is the perfect man.

Wow, the delusion is strong!

[Haute Messe]

Darcy, please put those "girls" away. I have seen more of her tits than I've seen of my own. And they are stuffed into her two sizes too small tops so much that they are practically touching her chin. Enough said about the facial disasters. And I was appalled at Stacy's appearance. I used to think that she was the - relatively speaking -  more attractive of the two, but that ship has sailed. Maybe she is myopic which would explain the makeup choices and maybe those hideous glasses are prescription. And that red lipstick smeared all over Darcy's puss reminded me of that horrific video of Anna Nicole Smith in the clown face.

Gotta admit that I laughed when Ed was asked about the e-cigarettes at security and said that smoking stunts your growth. 

Yolanda and Avery are pathetic. 

Lisa is just so unbelievably awful and delusional. She is definitely looking well worn and she must think she is sexy wearing that business in the back, party in the front outfit that we have to keep seeing her in. Every one of her friends has tried to talk some sense into her and she is still banging on about the song Usban "sung" her.

Sounds like Geoffrey has a closet full of skeletons. Will have to check what is out there.

Edited March 2, 2020 by lizajane
Added more stuff

[InternetToughGuy]

Despite thoroughly enjoying last week's episode, I thought I would escape with my masculinity intact - that did seem to be the case before I just noticed I was swishing a mimosa in one hand while watching today's episode. I'll have to chop some firewood shirtless to try and even things out. Thanks for all the laugh responses to last week's post - my dopamine receptors were firing up more than when my personal trainer said after several months of intense training, I finally weighed as much as his 6 year old nephew.

With that ripped body, Geoffrey looks younger than his girlfriend - perhaps her adding on 80 pounds of solid muscle would youthen her, even if at the cost of making her infertile (and disgusting). There's nothing more romantic than expecting someone else to make you happy, though the realization that that cannot work is heartbreaking - the last time I figured that out is why I'm in a straight jacket. Being able to type paragraphs with my toes hasn't landed me any girls, though. I guess he could call her Aria 51 due to how out of this world their first meeting will be, not to mention living anywhere near Chernobyl would make her skin glow an alien green. Geoffrey's drugdealing past is enough for me to conclude his muscles are fake, which is great, because it makes me feel as though I never have to fix my fat and disgusting body. I hope he doesn't feel Czar-ry for himself if the Russian girl doesn't live up to expectations, though the drugs he may have to take will be U-SSRI's. I thought that having a hundred stupid things to say last week was a fluke, but apparently not.

"It's definitely a Jersey dress" - can someone explain what this means, if anything? As far as I know, Jersey Shore and possibly the local Real Housewives show are the only reasons why people would associate low class/airheadedness with New Jersey; either way, I've always thought talk like that or something like "I'm tough because I'm from Texas" was stupid, though it's also subconscious jealousy because Canada (where I live) has no culture aside from a coffee shop and a sport 90% of the population is too unathletic or senile to play. For someone like myself who makes an unpaid living ranting on middle aged women (shockingly) not being as radiant as their 18 year old selves, Darcey looks pretty good for 45 - I am willing to eat my hat (or regurgitate my dinner) upon seeing a makeup free photo. Unless the police state is farther along than I've realized, I assume since there's footage of her and her former beau (I sound like Perez Hilton), she was on this show before? Her 2nd (?) man can't really be called classy with a full sleeve of stinky tattoos. Judging by how big her plastic ass is, Tom is a muscular man if he can pick her up without screaming pained grunts, unless his personal plain-clothes chiropractor was nearby. Since he was willing to break it off, we can't call him TomTom as a nickname since this relationship lacks direction. Those plastic sisters sunbathing must be like a Barbie doll melting in the microwave. Having not gotten a birthday card must hurt, though it's possible after receiving an unedited photo, he'd assume she was much older and be in a worse situation - it was wise of him not to do anything. I'd tell her to stop crying over the events of a week ago, but I'm still dealing with the raw wounds of being rejected by girls back when I was in elementary school; I have a whole rap squad of counselors who empty my pockets and halfheartedly rub my back to console me over my stupid problems. It's a great life.

Lisa is pretty gross in my worthless opinion; the only excuse I can think of is that due to living in Africa, the guy constantly has the sun in his eyes, so he has never gotten a proper assessment of the damage. Since rap is known for being braggadocios, I have to wonder what African rap brags are all about "I eat 3 times a day, yeah yeah, I own my own bed, yeah yeah" - it would probably do well in the American markets due to the extreme relatability. Being as wealthy as I was at age 10 as I am now at 26, the idea of needing to have his Mother's permission to do anything doesn't sound strange to me at all.

I was about to laugh at Ed's diminutive stature before realizing that I'm 5'3 and that's with a full 3 pack of rubber insoles in dress shoes - combine that with future spinal disc shrinkage and it's over for me. My Lord, Kara is a doll - I wonder if she'd bare that beautiful white smile to me if I told her I only bathe once a week. Ed actually looks pretty good for his age, aside from the excess weight and lack of height, since most men have a piano staff of forehead lines by age 30. It's odd how Ed refuses to look at the negatives, since he'll need to for a picture perfect relationship to develop *heh. Judging by the picture of Rose's sister, I hope Ed doesn't give her anything; if you're going to be pathetic in general, you should at least only send money to pretty girls.

This girl is A-very hot woman, though I'd like to take a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to her arm of tattoos - the only needles going into my arms are filled with opiates, thank you very much. I don't think there's a mother alive who would be fine with letting her child go so far away from her, which suggests she is nonexistent or dead, as evident in her name in possessive form (Sian's) is just seance misspelled. I guess a long distance relationship improving has more to do with upgrading their phone's front facing camera, since every other aspect is nonexistent.

Is there a reason Williams is averting his gaze in every photo? Either he's socially awkward or doesn't want to face the reality of how old she is. It's funny how any reference to her former marriage that fizzled out, she uses the term Da Wane, as if to suggest she progressively saw less in the relationship. Williams sounds like he's sleeping in the dryer - with how expensive rent in London is, he can't be blamed. Is it coincidence that the name of her oldest daughter with the pronounced bosom spelled backwards is "arrak"? She's cute - if I've learned anything from this show so far, it's that sending a girl thousands of dollars will kickstart an emotional connection - hopefully she has some other attractive friends who would also laugh at how pathetic I am.

Lisa's friend vaguely reminds me of a 60 year old Velma from Scooby Doo. Good to know other people know who Soulja Boy is, though you're truly in the know if you're aware that he's been irrelevant for many years - he somehow made a rap career parallel with a high school quarterback in that they both peaked at 17. True to his moniker, Rocky probably needs to get stoned to be able to handle this inane conversation.

I was going to point out the humor in "Rose" exciting my "stem" before questioning if it's even called that, despite me being in possession of said part - I'm thinking of and typing all of this crap while I'm watching, so some of it doesn't make sense. Buying a ring is stupid, though Rose may think he's proposing 24/7, since he's so short it looks like he's always on one knee. Can 54 year old men even impregnate women? I know Mick Jagger doesn't speak for the average citizen, since he's more drug than man. If Ed impregnated Rose and left the country, the kid growing up and traveling the globe to locate and punish the man who cursed him with being 4'8 sounds like an exciting movie plot.

I've never considered Russia having their own music artists; maybe because I can't imagine there being a way to make that phlegmy language sound romantic or entertaining. An unbelievably stupid remark, but is "Geoff" short for his frustrations about this relationship? Geo(graphy) F*** F***. Damn, I wasn't warned that I'd have to read words on the screen - I feel my IQ uncomfortably rising above the medically retarded 60 points that I am accustomed to. The Russian gals are all babes (I typed that out before I saw the D.U.F.F. - nevermind).

With all of my online tough talk, the idea of meeting the person on the other end of the conversation has never given me any other feelings than panic, as evident by the hand carved 55 inch coffin I've made for myself in case anyone finds out where I live. The condoms - BLEH. Upon seeing Lisa naked, I have little doubts that his libido will instantly equal that of a 100 year old man. Damn, I haven't known any Yahoo boys since early 2000s internet, especially since Google became superior in every way. I'm sure that airport employee only said the gate was B45 because Lisa looks like a Grandmother that plays bingo everyday. His name being U.S.man literally tells you he only wants a green card.

Any time Avery is shown, I start licking the TV screen like an absolute fool. I figure between that and violently dry heaving when Lisa is on the screen, the two balance each other out. The concerns of meeting someone so far away are rather minute compared to the Dad apparently thinking the Earth isn't flat - I'd be willing to educate him in a several hour long psychotic rant, so long as he'd help me encase the whole house in tinfoil. I'd say the hypothetical talk about marriage before meeting is ridiculous, but since I've done that before (seriously - this is probably the only non joke in my whole post), I understand that train of thought.

I'm going to assume Darcey has a seafood allergy and has to rub a piece of shrimp over her lips before filming every segment. For real, it's been so long since I've had a decent conversation, it seems like almost every conversation is empty or forced - I always analyze other people's conversations and define where it "ended" and see how much is added on to avoid awkwardness; it's all pretty stupid. I guess Darcey saying she doesn't want any "bad blood" is why she's only willing to have phone sex out of the fear of catching a disease.

I haven't been able to tell if Ed is rich or it just seems like that because he forgoes spending anything on himself in favor of giving it to women online. Smoking stunts your growth? I wish I had something to blame my short stature on - ya know, other than getting an hour of sleep a night and eating toddler sized meal portions my whole life. I thought he was trying to Facetime Rose, which is odd that I assumed that first, since all my psychiatrists said that I'd likely confess my love for my own adult daughter if I had one (in case the hundred others preceding this didn't make it obvious, this is also a joke).

I hope Geoffrey is washing himself with a vodka scented bar of soap if he truly wants to blend in with Russians. Are all the onlookers looking at the happy couple or the guy balancing the 50 pound TV camera on his shoulder? They might think it's for a TV show or are laughing at an out of touch middle aged man who has no idea that they make pocket sized cameras for vlogging. Geoffrey exhausted from that little plane ride? My unemployed ass has fused to the couch like a barnacle on a boat, so 24 hours in a seat ain't nothing for me. This conversation seems so damn awkward, which means a lot coming from me, since I consider being able to say hello to a girl without spitting up on myself to be a successful evening.

Geoffrey's relationship is one of the more boring ones, aside from Yolanda, who at this point I am convinced she is just talking to a recording of herself through a voice modulator, so it's no wonder the least exciting relationships progress the most this early on. The preview looks pretty entertaining, though that one of the girl who looks like she rubbed Mr. Sketch markers all over herself just looks irritating. This show is a fun trainwreck to watch and write about, though I will inevitably empty my bank account for any female Primetimer user who like too many of my posts.

 

Edited March 2, 2020 by InternetToughGuy

[Baltimore Betty]

8 hours ago, iwasish said:

How expensive is mayonnaise anyway?

Maybe he likes the organic stuff, I once spent $9.99 on a small jar of avocado based mayo.  I would think he would got to Costco and buy the commercial size jar.  He does wash it out, right?  He looked a little "slick" when face timing his soon to be child bride.

[Granny58]

10 hours ago, GladysCravits said:

Why do stupid  disgusting men always think women are dying for gifts of sexy lingerie.   Those gifts are obviously to make themselves happy, if they can convince anyone to wear them.    Perverts.  

Thank you!!!  when I was young and slender, even then I found those get ups to be terribly uncomfortable and felt my naked body should be enough.  It struck me 30+ years ago that those gifts were for the pleasure of the giver, not the recipient.  

[Zevious Zoquis]

Yeah, Lisa is utterly repulsive.  She's also an idiot.  The way she keeps referring to the fact that Uzben "wrote her a song" with that weird cocky smirk on her face as though there's some deep significance to lyrics like "you will be my baby lisa" is laughable.  And her scheme of entrapping him with the raw dog is of course delusional - not to mention icky.  He's always used condoms!?  hahahahaha!!  Her "I threw up a little in my mouth" quotient is sky-high!  

 

The manufactured situations in this show are hilariously weird.  Ed having a long, meaningful conversation about his situation, with the UPS guy!  lol.  And all the really gross, embarrassing discussions with friends and family about deeply personal sexual stuff!  It's been a long long time since I had a buddy over and proudly displayed a sexy bit of lingerie I'd bought for my lady.   In fact, I've NEVER done that!  And if I was a woman, and stupid enough to go over to nigeria with the clear intention of letting some "rap star" put his un-baggied appendage in me I certainly wouldn't be telling my girl-friends about it as though I was some sort of evil genius! 

 

 

 

 

[Granny58]

6 hours ago, alotmorestupider said:

Angela’s awful but at least she’s boisterous and she seems like someone whose company I might enjoy totally wasted. Lisa on the other hand seems completely joyless and bitter and someone who always asks to speak to the manager.

Perfect description, agree 100%. 

[Spike]

4 hours ago, lizajane said:

Every one of her friends has tried to talk some sense into her and she is still banging on about the song Usban "sung" her.

I would like to ask Lisa what she thinks attracts Usman to her.  Her ravishing looks, her sparkling personality, her fierce intellect?

[greekmom]

7 hours ago, alotmorestupider said:

Man, how does Yolanda get through life being that naive and clueless? She’s a mother to SIX. Six!!! Can she not google the name of the Manchester airport herself? We were graced with more of Williams’ “English accent. I can tell Yolanda has never left the US. “I’m hoping this was all a misunderstanding” is the tagline for every sucker who’s every been scammed. 

She's never seen a Hugh Grant movie? James Bond? Damn it HARRY POTTER movie????  I honestly think she is grifting the audience. 

 

4 hours ago, lizajane said:

Sounds like Geoffrey has a closet full of skeletons. Will have to check what is out there.

Just trot over to the couple's page and it's all there.

[Mrs. Hanson]

So....Darcy and Stacey went into a bridal salon to try on dresses to "borrow" ideas for their own line of bridal dresses?  You took time out of someone's day (and profits, as you has zero intention of buying)....yeah that is kind of you.

So much to unload and unpack here.  I need to process more and report back later.  One quick thing:  Yolanda, you are really not THAT clueless are you?

Lisa:  Once, a long time ago, a boy wrote me a poem.  He used my name in it.  I never took that as a proclamation as a true love but then again we were 8.

[humbleopinion]

Usman may want to double bag his groceries because Lisa is going to rub him down to a nub with sexy time, getting as much smush as she can...

Lisa’s stupidity about testing negative is laughable...he could have gotten a proxy, a stunt double to provide a clean sample.

What’s that burning, searing waves of pain and itching coming from your lady parts..... Lisa?

You have a long plane ride home until you can go to the urgent care clinic to get checked out.....tell them you need a full VD panel run....

That was uncomfy when Usman said his mother is worried that Lisa wants him as a slave....

Video Lisa is what Usman’s fans want to see...not a pudgy, double chinned, chemically fried and bleach bottled dyed gummed up head of hair, pursed thin lips, apron fat stomached middle aged white woman floating in a cloud CGI effect.

Lisa’s voice sound like she gargles with gravel and eats cigarettes stubbed out in ash trays....

Edited March 2, 2020 by humbleopinion

[Alonzo Mosely FBI]

 

Likeable : Big Ed, Yolo, Geoffreys Russian lady

dislikable: drug dealer Geoffrey, Nigerian scammer men 1 & 2, Avery AND Ash

Best oddly compelling trashtrainwreck : baby girl Lisa 

NO MAS NADA -POR FAVOR: Darcey, Jesse Tom, Florian, Stacey.  NOOOOO

 

 

 

[Kangatush]

1 hour ago, Baltimore Betty said:

Maybe he likes the organic stuff, I once spent $9.99 on a small jar of avocado based mayo.  I would think he would got to Costco and buy the commercial size jar.  He does wash it out, right?  He looked a little "slick" when face timing his soon to be child bride.

It was a jar of best foods/hellman's.  And I genuinely couldn't tell if he washed it out or not.

[AZChristian]

6 minutes ago, Kangatush said:

It was a jar of best foods/hellman's.  And I genuinely couldn't tell if he washed it out or not.

She needs to make sure not to inhale too close to his head on a sunny day.  She could get salmonella.

[My Girls]

I know it's been said a million times, but what exactly do these couples talk about before they meet?  Big Ed was absolutely floored when his co-worker friend explained there wouldn't be hot water, and that there would be flying cockroaches and other nasty bugs.  Do they literally just gaze into their "love of their life's", "king's/queen's" eyes every time and tell them how much they love them, and not discuss anything?  Really??  Kill me now!!!  Ugh....

[Gobi]

Just now, Chloe Dog said:

I know it's been said a million times, but what exactly do these couples talk about before they meet?  Big Ed was absolutely floored when his co-worker friend explained there wouldn't be hot water, and that there would be flying cockroaches and other nasty bugs.  Do they literally just gaze into their "love of their life's", "king's/queen's" eyes every time and tell them how much they love them, and not discuss anything?  Really??  Kill me now!!!  Ugh....

Conditions there are being exaggerated. Caloocan (where Rose lives) is not in the boondocks (a Filipino word, BTW), it’s a suburb of Manila.

[AnnMarie17]

Dayum....the Silva sista's faces ....what a blow they have been dealt! 

An eye-watering overuse of fillers and silicone and spray tan and giant fake eyelashes and bleach and extensions and leather and Lycra and stilettos and SWEET BABY JESUS this is what I am HERE FOR! I have been on the couch, in pajamas, with tissue up my nose, fighting a hella cold all weekend, but I feel like a BEAUTY QUEEN after looking at these two fools.  Oh, thank you Silva sistas, you have MADE MY DAY.  Never change (which is ironic, because your nonstop need to change is the best gift ever)! 

[AZChristian]

17 minutes ago, Chloe Dog said:

I know it's been said a million times, but what exactly do these couples talk about before they meet?  Big Ed was absolutely floored when his co-worker friend explained there wouldn't be hot water, and that there would be flying cockroaches and other nasty bugs.  Do they literally just gaze into their "love of their life's", "king's/queen's" eyes every time and tell them how much they love them, and not discuss anything?  Really??  Kill me now!!!  Ugh....

They also don't talk about thinks like Ed's REAL height or the fact that HE doesn't want more children (although she does).  This is not a relationship . . . it's an ownership.

[Mrs. Hanson]

We tried a drinking game (both with milk as we were eating, yes we are exciting) and later I had a Diet Coke and and we sipped every time we heard Baby Love, King, Queen, soulmate, "I have not been honest", "This my be my last chance at love," "I deserve love" "relationship" when it is really online chatting, chemistry, connection or true love.

We both were up to use the restroom six times.

Edited March 2, 2020 by Mrs. Hanson

[humbleopinion]

Kara was trying to be a good friend to BigEd because she knows he is a giant baby who will not be able to handle the humidity, the rough living conditions in a crowded back of the family store, dealing with indigenous insects, and the lack of modern conveniences...shower, flush toilet, sink with running water to wash his hands and sensitive skin.

BigEd is dressed like he is going to yoga or a modern dance class recital.

He should be wearing a suit (bought from the Sears Husky Boy Dept) to impress Rose...to look prosperous and important....even the fattest, rotund, barreled chested, beer gutted man looks better in a suit...

Kara should have told him the importance of  appearance when meeting Rosie for the first time.

Rosie came dressed in a nice red dress, full make up.

He should have taken the care to book himself into a local hotel to freshen up...not stagger off a plane drenched in his flopsweat.

Betcha his plane neighbor sniffed for 12 hours wondering where that weird smell of rancid Mayo was coming from....

Wouldn’t you think BigEd would want to woo Rose with a week in a resort hotel....

Even broke Cesar knew to wow his lady with room service at a resort over looking the beach with choc.dipped strawberries, champagne in a silver bucket, candy pants seductively draped on the pillow like a turn down service mint.....

Perhaps TLC wouldn’t payoff a 5 star resort but BigEd could have negotiated to stay in a hotel near where the camera crew and field producer are camped, the production team  stayed in a modern hotel in the Amazon jungle for Pete’s sake....

Edited March 2, 2020 by humbleopinion

[Liamsmom617]

20 hours ago, magemaud said:

Both she and Stacey hardly have any space between their top lip and the bottom of their nose (philtrum) 

You have just made my year by knowing and using the word “philtrum”. I learned it at age 13 when I decided mine was “too big “. (I’m OK with its size now...)

[calpurnia99]

On 2/26/2020 at 3:12 PM, libgirl2 said:

I'll have to look for a picture.

 

On their facebook page they both look amazing, it is photoshop and filter city to the max there. They both look 20 years old and beautiful in photos.  They forget we see what they actually look like on TV. I saw their House of 11 facebook page. They've invented something like Beautiful Twins running around and everyone wants to be them. and look like them. But they don't even look like them.

[Mrs. Hanson]

On 2/26/2020 at 9:19 AM, Baltimore Betty said:

Well, when one claims to live in London, one would think they are familiar with the airports...this scammer lives somewhere else.  Frankly I am waiting for the next shoe(s) to drop, one shoe will be Yolanda and daughter go to London and he is nowhere around and/or the other shoe is he will call her as she deplanes and says he had to fly somewhere for a family emergency and now he needs plane fare to return to London.

Yolanda may be a nice person with nice kids but she is an idiot.

 

I think ( and this is truly a guess) that he is NOT in London and when she balks at sending him money he thought.....uh oh.  Now he is in too deep, he is gonna let her and her daughter fly to London/Manchester and stand them up.  He is not real, he is not his photo and she will never admit it was a scam.  "Oh he was stuck in Nigeria (or wherever) for business.)  So much delusion, this one.

We climbed into bed last night and I said to hubs:  "Look I know you work with women - you better not talk to them!  And as for your female Facebook friends, that is gonna STOP!"

He said:  "Good night my Baby Love Queen - stop with the fillers, will ya?  And it is JUST A BIRTHDAY!  My phone is broken!!!"

Ash and Avery - OMG please make it stop.  Good luck getting a mom to agree to joint custody between Australia and the United States.  Just full on stop,  Ash, would YOU agree to pop your two kids, who you claim to love a lot, on a such a long plane ride with high frequency?  Good Lord, I felt bad making my middle schoolers make a 20 minute car ride they never asked to take between homes, let alone transatlantic flights!  I am still not what to make of these two - he is not trying to flee a third world country, Australia is top notch!  Why does he want to flee the Land Down Under and leave his son?    Avery's mom is just shaking her head like, "Girl are you serious?"   Came back for  quick edit:  Flights between Seattle and Melbourne are 22 hours long and about $1300.   Ya.....no.   How can these people NOT say, "Look, I dig you, but we both have kids under 18 that can not be moved., whether that be between Ohio and Kentucky or Australia and the United States.  Let's save ourselves a lot of frustration NOW."  "Look, Rosemarie, I am 51 and I am done having kids.  I do not want to be 70 when the lad or lass is graduation high school. "  Oh that is right.......they think they are all above that!!!  Or that "things will just work out."

My hubs noticed that for a "single mom" she can afford some expensive tattoos.

And I will say it:  Ash is not that attractive.  Neither is the stock photo of "Williams."  Guys that are that built.......pass.

Big Ed - spring for an A/C room at a hotel!!!  Just ewwwww on sleeping in a hot cramped room with presumably her SON next to them.  Again.....EWWWW!  Go to your room, get the egg salad blue plate special out of your hair, shower, go to a nice dinner with zero expectations of anything physical happening.  Please.

Edited March 2, 2020 by Mrs. Hanson

[queenbee24]

Darcy was always a mess with the awful surgeries, fillers, and extensions, but she looks shockingly unhealthy to me right now. Mentally and physically. She just needs to go.

[Cammi]

Darcy and Stacy are stuck in a state of "college girl circa 2001" arrested development. Reminds me of myself in college, in my early 20's. Throwing my hair up haphazardly, dark sunglasses, hardly any makeup on, and making a coffee run in my track velour sweat suit- right off an all night study binge. Still looked cute back then though, and got asked out more than when I was "fixed up". I am almost 40. These days the bare face, hair in bun and sweats look is more tragic then cute. And I have good skin. But at my age, without a little help, I tend to look "tired". It is what it is. I just need a bit more time in the mornings than I used to. It's about maintaining. But the twins think they still look good with their "messy" Sunday morning look. No. Not at that age. Not with that much alcohol bloat. And just a tip, red lipstick is awesome! Always, ALWAYS choose matte. Especially on camera. Mac has the best matte red lip colors that hardly bleed. 

Lisa is a controlling jerk. And Usman is no Alladin, but she barely looks better than crazy Laura. These women are the "Karens" of the 90 day world. That high/low dress she wore was HIDIOUS! And I saw her pack it in her suitcase. Older women can still dress sexy and age appropriate. Just class it up a bit! 

Ash is a relationship consultant who's current girlfriend has broken up with him 3 times in 9 months? Ya..... no. He isn't qualified to offer advice to anyone! I just couldn't take that job title seriously. Even in my 20's I didn't waste time on "personal trainers" and crap. Sorry, not sorry. I like a stable, steady paycheck. 

[calpurnia99]

Its bugging me Yolanda's accent and voice sound exactly like someone I've seen before. It must be from a reality show. Does anyone know? Probably not but it's driving me crazy. She  is so so so dumb.

And Ed this is my ONLY chance for love? A child bride from a very poor place? God how dumb are these people.

[Persnickety1]

2 hours ago, Chloe Dog said:

I know it's been said a million times, but what exactly do these couples talk about before they meet?  Big Ed was absolutely floored when his co-worker friend explained there wouldn't be hot water, and that there would be flying cockroaches and other nasty bugs.  Do they literally just gaze into their "love of their life's", "king's/queen's" eyes every time and tell them how much they love them, and not discuss anything?  Really??  Kill me now!!!  Ugh....

Ugh, and she barely speaks any English and I don't think he speaks a word of Tagalog of whatever her native tongue may be.  They're only about 2 steps above the beekeepers or Paul and Karine in their communication.  

Yet it's true love...after three months.  

I think the only word Big Ed could parse from their interchanges was "King" and that was all he needed to hear.

The couples this season seem to meet or if not exceed the already incredibly low bar.  

It's like TLC plays limbo with the applicants, and the ones cast are the ones who can go so low they don't fall or dislodge the (exceedingly low) bar.  

(Not that I'm complaining....I'm here for every jaw-dropping minute of this season's dumpster fires 😄 )  

Edited March 2, 2020 by Persnickety1

[Zevious Zoquis]

What all these dopes have in common is that they've managed to convince themselves that all the red flags and obvious scamming can be ignored because you have to "follow your heart" and "hope for love" and all that.  The romantic notion that finding "true love" is worth all the insanity is how they excuse themselves from reality.  There was a nice moment in last night's ep when Avery was telling her parents about her relationship with Ash and she was confronted by hard reality - they had all sorts of very sane, rational perspective on how nuts her plan is and all she could do was stare at them and say "Yeah but it's about true love" and "I just think it will all work out."

[Kangatush]

One of the things I love about Big Ed is that he dyes his hair and slathers on the mayo to look younger, but has done jack about his salt and pepper beard/stubble.  Not very common to have jet black hair and a greying face naturally.

 

[Granny58]

47 minutes ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

I think ( and this is truly a guess) that he is NOT in London and when she balks at sending him money he thought.....uh oh.  Now he is in too deep, he is gonna let her and her daughter fly to London/Manchester and stand them up.  He is not real, he is not his photo and she will never admit it was a scam.  "Oh he was stuck in Nigeria (or wherever) for business.)  So much delusion, this one.

Yep, you nailed it. 

[libgirl2]

1 hour ago, Cammi said:

Darcy and Stacy are stuck in a state of "college girl circa 2001" arrested development. Reminds me of myself in college, in my early 20's. Throwing my hair up haphazardly, dark sunglasses, hardly any makeup on, and making a coffee run in my track velour sweat suit- right off an all night study binge. Still looked cute back then though, and got asked out more than when I was "fixed up". I am almost 40. These days the bare face, hair in bun and sweats look is more tragic then cute. And I have good skin. But at my age, without a little help, I tend to look "tired". It is what it is. I just need a bit more time in the mornings than I used to. It's about maintaining. But the twins think they still look good with their "messy" Sunday morning look. No. Not at that age. Not with that much alcohol bloat. And just a tip, red lipstick is awesome! Always, ALWAYS choose matte. Especially on camera. Mac has the best matte red lip colors that hardly bleed. 

Lisa is a controlling jerk. And Usman is no Alladin, but she barely looks better than crazy Laura. These women are the "Karens" of the 90 day world. That high/low dress she wore was HIDIOUS! And I saw her pack it in her suitcase. Older women can still dress sexy and age appropriate. Just class it up a bit! 

 

Darcy and Stacy look awful. I'm reminded of Sunset Boulevard.... they still think they are 21 year olds! They look used and tired. 

That dress Lisa wears (she has one in white) is hideous! 

[Lesia]

Tell me this is not Darcy.

 

 

[StatisticalOutlier]

4 hours ago, Granny58 said:

14 hours ago, GladysCravits said:

Why do stupid  disgusting men always think women are dying for gifts of sexy lingerie.  

Thank you!!!  when I was young and slender, even then I found those get ups to be terribly uncomfortable and felt my naked body should be enough. 

And the naked body should definitely be enough if you've known the guy only online and are meeting in person for the first time.

 

11 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

Darcey’s tits are super saggy this season....

But did you notice in the "coming next week" part at the end, she was running (like a maniac) on a treadmill and they didn't move, or even jiggle.  So I'm not sure they're sagging--that's just where they are.

 

1 hour ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

My hubs noticed that for a "single mom" she can afford some expensive tattoos.

Priorities.

[Kangatush]

Another way Geoffrey is like Pole.  Saying the same thing over and over to define it.  Maykout = Bodock.

[AZChristian]

2 minutes ago, Kangatush said:

Another way Geoffrey is like Pole.  Saying the same thing over and over to define it.  Maykout = Bodock.

We're so old and been married so long that when we use "make out," the context is more like:  "Oh, you went out yard sale shopping today.  How did you make out?"

[Mrs. Hanson]

1 hour ago, Persnickety1 said:

Yet it's true love...after three months.  

Again, I believe I promised I would not bring this up again on this forum, but clearly I lied, which kinda makes me a good candidate for this show, but:  I knew my now hubby since childhood, met up with him again as adults (late 40's) and we STILL moved at a glacier pace.  And, no we never sat around, mooning into each other's eyes, calling each other "love" and "king and queen."  It was more of:  Just where do you live?  What is your credit score again?  

And I forgot to add my distaste for men buying lingerie for "their queens"  Ugh - I will love you more if I get to sleep in my oversized T shirt, thanks for asking!

[Spike]

1 hour ago, Kangatush said:

One of the things I love about Big Ed is that he dyes his hair and slathers on the mayo to look younger, but has done jack about his salt and pepper beard/stubble.  Not very common to have jet black hair and a greying face naturally.

 

Dye it or shave.  It’s not brain surgery.  Is he supposed to be some kind of interior designer with all the clutter in his place?

18 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

1 hour ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

My hubs noticed that for a "single mom" she can afford some expensive tattoos.

Priorities.

Or she has an arrangement ahem with a tattoo artist.

[magemaud]

Every season we need a reminder of how Darcey looked in the early Jesse Days: 

[Lady Iris]

30 minutes ago, Lesia said:

Tell me this is not Darcy.

 

 

Nooooo, not my darling Fer Shure Janice!? God, as rough as Darcy looks it's Stacey who looks amazingly rough...rougher...the roughest.

 

12 minutes ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

Again, I believe I promised I would not bring this up again on this forum, but clearly I lied, which kinda makes me a good candidate for this show, but:  I knew my now hubby since childhood, met up with him again as adults (late 40's) and we STILL moved at a glacier pace.  And, no we never sat around, mooning into each other's eyes, calling each other "love" and "king and queen."  It was more of:  Just where do you live?  What is your credit score again? 

I know what ya did! Lots and lots and lots of texts loaded with lovey emojis right? 😉

[magemaud]

2 minutes ago, not you again said:

I don't understand why Darcy is on this show this season.  At all.  Darcy even spills the beans that she's basically had no relationship with Tom since she left the UK - which was last season - and when he calls she ends with her once-bitten-twice-shy answer of not wanting to go to NYC just to be dumped (again).

Maybe Sharp thinks we viewers "need closure" about how their relationship ended? Speaking personally, I don't! 

[magemaud]

11 minutes ago, not you again said:

Who is supposed to be the couple doing the K-1 visa process (which is what this show is supposed to be about, I thought?

I thought Before... was for an American going to a foreigner's country to decide if they wanted to pursue the K-1 process. Darcey and Tom must be still making up their minds, but I predict they will only be on for a couple of episodes before they finally break up officially. Their story is just "bait" to get us to watch this season and then get invested in the other couples. 

Edited March 2, 2020 by magemaud

[pinky33]

1 hour ago, calpurnia99 said:

Its bugging me Yolanda's accent and voice sound exactly like someone I've seen before. It must be from a reality show. Does anyone know? Probably not but it's driving me crazy. She  is so so so dumb.

 

Mother Chantel?

[RealReality]

13 hours ago, Spike said:

And that a non-white woman was playing “Lisa.”

That a gorgeous, non- white, young woman who Usman probably liked was cast as "Lisa"

Which makes perfect sense when you consider that this is the same video used for the 15 other "Nancy" "Carol's" and "Karen's" he is sending this video to.

[BallisticNikki]

 

12 hours ago, Adeejay said:

When Yolanda was perusing round trip flights between Vegas and London, I noticed $1652. If that is for one person, I could see why “Williams” wanted her to send him the money to buy a ticket. 
 

That was for airfare and two weeks in a hotel.

12 hours ago, alotmorestupider said:

Varya seems like a woman with goals. She’s lucky to have found Geoffrey cuz I think I’d date him without green card needs.

Really?😯

You don't get a really emotionally unstable vibe from him?

 

[RealReality]

2 hours ago, Persnickety1 said:

Ugh, and she barely speaks any English and I don't think he speaks a word of Tagalog of whatever her native tongue may be.  They're only about 2 steps above the beekeepers or Paul and Karine in their communication.  

Yet it's true love...after three months.  

I think the only word Big Ed could parse from their interchanges was "King" and that was all he needed to hear.

The couples this season seem to meet or if not exceed the already incredibly low bar.  

It's like TLC plays limbo with the applicants, and the ones cast are the ones who can go so low they don't fall or dislodge the (exceedingly low) bar.  

(Not that I'm complaining....I'm here for every jaw-dropping minute of this season's dumpster fires 😄 )  

And this is what's going to annoy me about Ed.  He will sit around playing innocent victim and act as if he is owed some unconditional love when he doesn't love Rosemarie.  He cannot even talk to her! 

He, much like Laura, cannot name a single thing he likes about her that isn't about her physical appearance.  And then be wonders why his daughter is totally grossed out. 

What is rosemaries favorite movie?  Favorite food?  What are her hobbies?  What does Ed know about her besides that she is young and pretty?  And that's fine because that is all he wants.  

But when it's revealed that all she wants is stability and a green card, suddenly she will be painted as a scamming con artist.  

[Spike]

18 minutes ago, RealReality said:

And this is what's going to annoy me about Ed.  He will sit around playing innocent victim and act as if he is owed some unconditional love when he doesn't love Rosemarie.  He cannot even talk to her! 

He, much like Laura, cannot name a single thing he likes about her that isn't about her physical appearance.  And then be wonders why his daughter is totally grossed out. 

What is rosemaries favorite movie?  Favorite food?  What are her hobbies?  What does Ed know about her besides that she is young and pretty?  And that's fine because that is all he wants.  

But when it's revealed that all she wants is stability and a green card, suddenly she will be painted as a scamming con artist.  

How much you wanna bet that the packages they claim to not be getting are actually being sold in the sister’s retail shop?

Edited March 2, 2020 by Spike

[RealReality]

10 hours ago, Leilani said:

So No Neck knew Rose less then three months and sent her $5k.

I don't feel bad for him though lying about his age and height and chasing a young girl 30+ years younger.

Mind the appropriate age gap ED!

Half age plus seven rule: In dating/romantic/intimate relationships, the age of the younger person should not be less than half the age of the older person plus seven years.

Ed gets on my nerves.  To me, the much more egregious "lie" is him not telling Rosemarie that be doesnt want kids when he knows she does.  

I find that hugely manipulative.  He wants to pull the same game that Colt pulled.  Get Rosemarie to drop all the other guys, get her here and then drop bombshells on her once it's too late for her to back out.  

The fact that he was sincerely considering secretly getting a vasectomy when he knows she wants children is just a bait and switch. 

And then he has the gall to get butt hurt that she isn't 100% open with him.  GTFOH 

[BallisticNikki]

I guess I am in the minority here, but I love the Silva twins! Yes, the cosmetic procedures are over the top. But they bring the drama. And the style. Did you see the appliances in Darcy's kitchen???

[Spike]

13 minutes ago, RealReality said:

Ed gets on my nerves.  To me, the much more egregious "lie" is him not telling Rosemarie that be doesnt want kids when he knows she does.  

I find that hugely manipulative.  He wants to pull the same game that Colt pulled.  Get Rosemarie to drop all the other guys, get her here and then drop bombshells on her once it's too late for her to back out.  

The fact that he was sincerely considering secretly getting a vasectomy when he knows she wants children is just a bait and switch. 

And then he has the gall to get butt hurt that she isn't 100% open with him.  GTFOH 

After no sex in 28 years he may not need to get “nipped” (um snipped?).  Atrophy.

12 minutes ago, BallisticNikki said:

I guess I am in the minority here, but I love the Silva twins! Yes, the cosmetic procedures are over the top. But they bring the drama. And the style. Did you see the appliances in Darcy's kitchen???

I noticed that she had an electric range, which doesn’t seem like someone who is into cooking.