S09.E10: Are You Committed?

[spunky]

On 8/14/2019 at 8:55 PM, JAndy said:

Two nights he didn’t come home!!! He’s ridiculous. 

He would have came home to an empty apartment. But that's just me .

[Stella Rose]

Just now, spunky said:

He would have came home to an empty apartment. But that's just me .

He would have come home to changed locks if it were me!  Kate needs to give Amber a call stat.  

[spunky]

4 minutes ago, Stella Rose said:

He would have come home to changed locks if it were me!  Kate needs to give Amber a call stat.  

And don't forget his clothes will also be on the curb. He can locate his own black garbage bags.  Kate where are you girl?

[Madding crowd]

My comments on the couples: Matt and Amber-I wonder what the experts saw in him to pick him for this show. He barely speaks and is obviously either not wanting to be married or not interested in Amber. Amber is plain looking, overly affectionate and has serious issues with abandonment. I think Mattt might have liked her from the beginning but her attacking him at the wedding put him off. As much as I dislike Matt, when Pastor Cal told him the worst thing you to do to someone with abandonment issues is to not be reachable, I wanted to ask him why someone like Amber would be considered for marrying a stranger.

Beth and Jaimie: I don't hate Beth as much as the rest of you and I do agree she is volatile and loud, but Jaimie is so awful in so many ways, and calling her the C word is just the last straw. Also for someone so picky, he is not very attractive and doesn't have a good personality so he should be lucky he was matched at all.

Keith and Iris: I think Keith is a good guy and at first I thought they seemed attracted to each other , but now I think Keith is just not really into her personality and her many house rules not to mention her virginity. Iris seems like a nice person and I am guessing she wants to wait the whole six weeks before deciding whether to have sex, but by then it might be too late.

Deonna and Greg: I like them separately and together and think they will work things out.   Greg may have to back up a little and Deonna might need to give a little more, but they like each other and they seem like a good match.

I didn't see the previews but guessing it is nothing earth shattering or we would have been teased with it for weeks. 

[Empress1]

5 minutes ago, Madding crowd said:

Also for someone so picky, he is not very attractive and doesn't have a good personality so he should be lucky he was matched at all.

He really isn't, and doesn't. He's a pretty average-looking guy and he's a complete asshole.

[LennieBriscoe]

FTR, I was just trying to help cover all the bases, if Iris's big secret is actually sexual.

Maybe what's known only to herself, her mother, and her doctor is something like she's deathly allergic to peanuts.

'

'

'

But Iris mis-heard the diagnosis. 😉

Edited August 16, 2019 by LennieBriscoe

[TwirlyGirly]

This is what I wish Keith would say to Iris the next time she brings up her virginity as a "precious gift":

"Iris, what you have between your legs and what you have or have not done with it in the past is irrelevant to me or our relationship as husband and wife.

What you have between your ears, and in your heart, and what you do with them in our relationship and your relationship with others is what really matters, and will ultimately determine whether our marriage is successful.

Your mind and your heart are what make you 'precious'. What you choose to do with them are your 'precious gifts' to me, and to the world.

The other thing? Every woman has one, and they're pretty much all the same." 
 

Edited August 16, 2019 by TwirlyGirly
Changed "immaterial" to "irrelevant", because that was the word I wanted originally, but my brain couldn't find the neuron in which it was stored. Or something.

[Stella Rose]

12 minutes ago, LennieBriscoe said:

FTR, I was just trying to help cover all the bases, if Iris's big secret is actually sexual.

Maybe what's known only to herself, her mother, and her doctor is something like she's deathly allergic to peanuts.

'

'

'

But Iris mis-heard the diagnosis. 😉

You win!  I think we can all quit now.  Well played.

[Neurochick]

2 hours ago, psychoticstate said:

I have to admit that hearing Amber tell Dr. Viviana or whatever her name is that she just really wanted a relationship, etc. broke my black heart of goo just a little bit.   Amber (at least to me) is clearly codependent.  She wants the marriage (not really a marriage) to work so badly she's going to accept anything Matt dishes out.  Example:  I just want him home, holding me.  No, you should want him home to make sure he's not dead and then you threaten to fucking kill him.  

And you sure as shit don't greet him with lovesick puppy dog eyes when he strolls through the door with a "Wassup" like nothing happened.  No.  No.  No.  And you don't tell him that your only "rule" is that he answer your texts and be home by 2:30.  What the fuck does he need to be out until 2:30, without his wife, for?  Maybe look for a job!  Or do some housework while Amber is at work!  

This was just not acceptable and I'm frankly horrified that the experts didn't immediately call an end to this charade.  Amber is going to end up as traumatized and damaged as Kate did last season, if not worse.   She's already taken this very personally, seeing that Matt's going out is due to the fact that he doesn't want to be with her versus the fact that he's just a shitty and selfish partner.

I posted a review upthread.  That woman is a therapist and the first thing she said was she thought Amber should leave. That is what a real therapist would say, however that doesn't mean Amber WOULD leave.  You can't make any adult do anything they don't want to do.  Sad, but true.  

I don't feel THAT outraged at the experts or this show, though I think it sucks they signed up for it.  I am sure most of them are on this show to build up their brand.  Though most of us would probably NEVER go to any TV therapist, there are scores of people who would, in fact there are scores of people who will make an appointment with a doctor BECAUSE they saw them on TV. 

This is a SHOW, not a scientific experiment.  It's nothing more than a reality show filmed for our entertainment, it's not a serious look into arranged marriages; if it were it wouldn't be on Lifetime, a channel that shows movies based on VC Andrews books and movies about cheerleaders who kill each other. 

I feel If a person comes on this show, they should know that they're signing up to be entertainment fodder for us, the public, buyer beware.  I wonder how many people who were picked for this show and decided not to come because they realized it was nothing more than a reality show for us to talk about.

Edited August 16, 2019 by Neurochick

[topanga]

1 minute ago, TwirlyGirly said:

This is what I wish Keith would say to Iris the next time she brings up her virginity as a "precious gift":

"Iris, what you have between your legs and what you have or have not done with it in the past is immaterial to me or our relationship as husband and wife.

What you have between your ears, and in your heart, and what you do with them in our relationship and your relationship with others is what really matters, and will ultimately determine whether our marriage is successful.

Your mind and your heart are what make you 'precious'. What you choose to do with them are your 'precious gifts' to me, and to the world.

The other thing? Every woman has one, and they're pretty much all the same." 
 

Very poetic. I love it. 

Somehow, I can't imaging Keith saying all of those words unless he were singing them in a song.  

Speaking of which, why haven't we heard him sing or play music? All I know about his music life is that he likes vinyl records. And Prince. 

26 minutes ago, Madding crowd said:

My comments on the couples: Matt and Amber-I wonder what the experts saw in him to pick him for this show. He barely speaks and is obviously either not wanting to be married or not interested in Amber.

Matt fooled me on the first episode (The Wedding Day ep). He was laid-back, but he was still pleasant, and he actually talked. No mumbling or stroking his beard nervously. 

I think his current behavior stems from a combination of not being into Amber and not wanting to be married at all. Even if Matt had been matched with a supermodel, sure he might be more attracted to her, but he'd soon start to feel smothered and would leave home for hours at a time to 'clear his head.' The difference is that his super-model wife probably wouldn't take him back. 

[LennieBriscoe]

(Double post!)

17 minutes ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Edited August 16, 2019 by LennieBriscoe

[Crazy Bird Lady]

2 hours ago, cecig75 said:

Not sure if I'm gonna get in trouble for posting on this thread, but has anyone seen the previews for next week's episode??? Something is truly off with Beth! She calls the new Dr. a B%$#*! 

Jamie has absolutely no language filter when his pent-up rage boils over.

Elizabeth simply doesn't seem to believe in language filters.

Edited August 16, 2019 by Crazy Bird Lady

[lids]

There’s a shorter version of next week’s preview on Lifetime’s site: https://www.mylifetime.com/shows/married-at-first-sight/season-9/episode-11/preview-married-at-first-sight-episode-11

I had to scroll to the end of the episode that is on the Lifetime site to see the longer preview with Iris’ secret and she is smiling while she’s telling Keith. So I’m going to go with the others who speculated that she’s saying something suspect about her virginity again. We already kind of get that she’s not really a virgin. She did say she’s never had a penis in her vagina though, so it’s not that. Maybe she tells Keith she’s on birth control or planning in Vito or something. The key from the preview is that Keith says he’s confused (nor horrified or angry or disappointed). Whatever she cooked up with her doctor goes against the typical uptightness that we know in Iris. Or she’s planning a future with Keith when Keith thought they were still feeling things out.

[TwirlyGirly]

19 minutes ago, lids said:

Maybe she tells Keith she’s on birth control or planning in Vito or something.

Who's "Vito"?

Does she already have a date set for when "Vito" puts it "in"?

(I jest 😂)

Although that would be one way to take the pressure off of Keith....

Edited August 16, 2019 by TwirlyGirly
More deep thoughts

[Gem 10]

16 hours ago, After7Only said:

It appears that Greg’s love language is words of affirmation, the area she struggles with the most.   

I agree that Deonna and Greg are getting the Bobby/Danielle storyline edit.   They were a good match with little drama, so their storyline focused a lot on dogs and on Danielle’s being unable to express her feelings.   Deonna and Greg appear to have little other drama and conflict, so we get dog scenes and Deonna’s emotional walls.

I remember Greg saying that he was controlling in his previous relationships.   I’d be interested if he will show that side to Deonna at some point(and the show would show that side to the viewers)

I know my guy shows love and affection by taking me out for the day into the City to the Museum of Art or to a play, as I know he hates that and would rather be playing golf or watching any balls bouncing around on the t.v.  I express my love by watching all his shit with him while I’m on the computer with all you guys. If we both didn’t compromise, we would have been divorced years ago,so I guess we’re doing something right. Lol.

[Empress1]

1 hour ago, lids said:

There’s a shorter version of next week’s preview on Lifetime’s site: https://www.mylifetime.com/shows/married-at-first-sight/season-9/episode-11/preview-married-at-first-sight-episode-11

Elizabeth sounds drunk in that clip when she calls Viviana "bitch." She's slurring.

Edited August 16, 2019 by Empress1

[spunky]

On 8/14/2019 at 9:26 PM, LennieBriscoe said:

If D-Day is allowing for a declaration to divorce, why are the "experts" demanding to know NOW the couples' level of commitment?

Probably because of the hot messes that were Jessica and abusive Ryan in season 2, and Kate and Luke

[configdotsys]

7 hours ago, Stella Rose said:

Does anyone think that Iris' secret is going to be some stupid thing that has nothing to do with anything?  This show is notorious for the preview fake-outs.  Unless - what is it called when a baby is born with both genitalia and the parents/doctors have to 'choose' which one to go with??  

These 'experts' really knocked it out of the park yet again.  At this point, I think all 4 couples are doomed.

My first thought was that it's going to be a whole lotta nothing.

6 hours ago, Neurochick said:

Yes to this.  It's not that Deonna is cold to Greg, it's that Deonna just wants Greg to BE.  Stop planning, asking, "when are we going to have sex again?"  If someone asked me that, I'd say, "never."  It's like if a kid keeps saying, "are we there yet?"  Chill the fuck out, enjoy the ride, look out the window or something, stop obsessing, stay in the moment.  

To be fair, we have no idea what goes on. He wanted to have sex with her and waited until it happened on his birthday. I would imagine that he thought at that point that the seal was broken and their sex life would continue from there. But Deonna shuts down and he asks her what needs to happen to have it happen again and she says she has no list, no idea and that it should just happen. That's confusing.

We have no idea if after that conversation he has walked up to her while she's doing dishes or whatever, put his arms around her and kissed her neck or something: things that I would consider letting it happen in the moment. The assumption seems to be that Greg is constantly saying "Can we do it now? Can we do it now?" over and over when we don't really know. If they are watching a movie on TV and he moves a hand here and tries to initiate something is that not good enough for Deonna either? Isn't that sort of thing that defines letting it happen as opposed to, "Can I hold your hand? Can I move my hand? Can I touch you here?"  

6 hours ago, Neurochick said:

That she's not a virgin.

You know, when I heard that Keith said that after hearing her secret that he was "confused" I wondered if the secret is that she's not a true virgin, but one of those "born again" virgins. Her gyn would know so that covers what she said about only she and her doctor knows. 

Edited August 16, 2019 by configdotsys
spelling

[princelina]

1 hour ago, configdotsys said:

You know, when I heard that Keith said that after hearing her secret that he was "confused" I wondered if the secret is that she's not a true virgin, but one of those "born again" virgins. Her gyn would know so that covers what she said about only she and her doctor knows. 

If that were the case I don't think it would be considered a precious gift that she'd saved for 27 years 🙂 

[Drogo]

Trying to listen to the words Jamie is vomiting all over Pastor Cal, but all I see is Meep from American Horror Story. 

[Gem 10]

1 hour ago, configdotsys said:

My first thought was that it's going to be a whole lotta nothing.

To be fair, we have no idea what goes on. He wanted to have sex with her and waited until it happened on his birthday. I would imagine that he thought at that point that the seal was broken and their sex life would continue from there. But Deonna shuts down and he asks her what needs to happen to have it happen again and she says she has no list, no idea and that it should just happen. That's confusing.

We have no idea if after that conversation he has walked up to her while she's doing dishes or whatever, put his arms around her and kissed her neck or something: things that I would consider letting it happen in the moment. The assumption seems to be that Greg is constantly saying "Can we do it now? Can we do it now?" over and over when we don't really know. If they are watching a movie on TV and he moves a hand here and tries to initiate something is that not good enough for Deonna either? Isn't that sort of thing that defines letting it happen as opposed to, "Can I hold your hand? Can I move my hand? Can I touch you here?"  

You know, when I heard that Keith said that after hearing her secret that he was "confused" I wondered if the secret is that she's not a true virgin, but one of those "born again" virgins. Her gyn would know so that covers what she said about only she and her doctor knows. 

First of all, I want to know why Deonna said she will have sex once every other month.  What kind of statement is that?

Secondly, if you are in bed with your partner, you shouldn’t have to make an appointment for sex.  It just happens naturally, unless one of you doesn’t feel well or it’s that time of the month.  I don’t see all this talk when, how where, if, whatever.  Get in bed, cuddle, fool around a little, and just do it.  Too much talk about sex and doing it.  That’s the nice thing about marriage.  You have sex with your spouse and it brings you closer.

[Retired at last]

It has been explained and clarified multiple times that Deonna did NOT say that she agreed to sex once every other month. The conversation was misinterpreted and has since taken on a life of its own. Deonna just wants sex when it occurs naturally is all she has really stated. No timeframe, no schedule, (and probably, no cameras!). I think they do a lot of discussions off camera and just want to keep them to themselves, so we really have no idea where they are once the cameras are filming. We see her shutting down when she gets pressured and she is not comfortable getting out of her head. Hopefully, that will happen, because Greg deserves to have that level of discussion with his wife. As his friend mentioned, he needs to be sure of how he will feel if she doesn't change those behaviors by D-Day.

[cinsays]

1 minute ago, Retired at last said:

It has been explained and clarified multiple times that Deonna did NOT say that she agreed to sex once every other month. The conversation was misinterpreted and has since taken on a life of its own. Deonna just wants sex when it occurs naturally is all she has really stated. No timeframe, no schedule, (and probably, no cameras!). I think they do a lot of discussions off camera and just want to keep them to themselves, so we really have no idea where they are once the cameras are filming. We see her shutting down when she gets pressured and she is not comfortable getting out of her head. Hopefully, that will happen, because Greg deserves to have that level of discussion with his wife. As his friend mentioned, he needs to be sure of how he will feel if she doesn't change those behaviors by D-Day.

I don't think people are listening to you - you can say it a thousand times and someone could maybe even post exactly the words used but they will not get it.

very frustrating

[Ilovepie]

36 minutes ago, cinsays said:

I don't think people are listening to you - you can say it a thousand times and someone could maybe even post exactly the words used but they will not get it.

If someone wants the exact transcript from that conversation, @configdotsys took the time to type it out. It’s on page 6 of the episode 9 forum dated August 10. 

It’s very clear that GREG said every other month, not Deonna. She agrees with the stipulation that it better be mind blowing at that infrequent interval. He states that won’t work for him, and SHE AGREES by saying okay. 

I don’t think we can assume anything based on what we’re shown. Even though we see the abandoned rose petals and bath water, plus Deonna getting into bed in her flannels, doesn’t mean nothing happens when the camera crew leaves. For all we know they stripped back down and used that tub, or are having sex on the regular. I mean, shoot - there have been multiple couples who out and out lie about the sex they were having until it comes out at a later date. Maybe not everyone is comfortable with a camera crew filming you naked in a tub making out with your new stranger spouse, or even clothed in bed but then shutting out the film crew (goodbye - we are going to have sex now, wink, wink). I know I wouldn’t be!

[LuvMyShows]

On 8/15/2019 at 9:14 AM, configdotsys said:

Pastor Cal dropped the ball with Matt. His “Where were you, man,” was too tame. Notice when he asked if there was another girl, Matt did not say yes or no but instead said that it was disappointing that Cal would ask that question. WTF does that mean? Why did Cal not push that issue.  Where were Cal’s balls during that questioning?

On 8/14/2019 at 9:45 PM, Mercolleen said:

Amber: "Why don't you wanna spend time with me."

Matt: "Yeah."

Specific, pointed questions and wait as long as it takes for an appropriate answer that addresses the question.  That's what Pastor Cal and Amber needed to do.  And when Matt said that nonsense about it being disappointing that Cal asked that question, that's when Cal should have responded, "No, Matt, what's disappointing is that your behavior has put me in the position of needing to ask you that question."

On 8/15/2019 at 8:57 AM, qtpye said:

Jaime’s idea of her using sex as a weapon is her not having sex anytime he wants it. 

Well said.

On 8/15/2019 at 8:59 AM, topanga said:

The sex expert (Vivianna?) should have given homework, not just suggestions.

I think it was very telling that Iris described what Dr. Vivianna gave her as a 'task', and I think that may be how Iris viewed it...not as one step in what would hopefully be a path , but rather one item to be accomplished and then promptly forgotten or moved on from.

On 8/15/2019 at 8:59 AM, topanga said:

Have Keith and Iris ever had a conversation alone or with the experts about what their partner likes physically, or what Iris feels comfortable giving or receiving in terms of affection? These two need to get down to specifics instead of throwing around vague terms like "taking my virginity" and "sexual immaturity."

This.  It is beyond inconceivable to me that Keith and Iris had not talked before about what she is comfortable doing.  If they had talked about this sooner, then maybe Keith wouldn't have adopted his no-man's-land attitude in the interest of self-preservation.

On 8/15/2019 at 11:53 AM, Retired at last said:

And on Unfiltered, does Jamie Otis not realize that her stupid hair makes her look like a fool?

Could someone post a pic?

On 8/14/2019 at 9:26 PM, ECM1231 said:

Dr. Viv was pretty useless!

I did give her props for calling Deonna out that her answer to how she could let Greg know how she feels -- where she said checking in with him about if he needs something  -- comes across as something a roommate would say (even though to her it would show him that she was thinking of him).  I guess that in the Five Love Languages talk, hers is clearly acts of service, but I think his are words of affirmation and physical touch.  I think her answer was genuine, but that it has never occurred to her that someone else might want something else.  And that's the consequence of having been 10 years without a relationship...the only person whose preferences she is used to considering are hers.

[Gem 10]

On 8/14/2019 at 10:13 PM, ShowFan said:

On 8/14/2019 at 10:13 PM, ShowFan said:

Can someone explain to me how limiting yourself to blowjobs at nearly 30 is a “gift”? 

Can someone explain to me how limiting yourself to blowjobs at nearly 30 is a “gift”? 

I was quite impressed with Greg’s friend. He said some pretty wise things right there. Deonna is super boring to me and I find watching them a huge snooze (mostly because of her)

Can someone tell me how the show allowed her to even say that.  Her parents must be proud.  She is a real num nut.  Now, whenever she comes on, that’s the first thing I think about.

On 8/14/2019 at 9:54 PM, Ohwell said:

What was sad and funny at the same time was that Amber thought she was laying down the law!  Poor bird.

And she’s a teacher?  I’d pull my kid out of there.

[Elizzikra]

Just now, Gem 10 said:

Can someone tell me how the show allowed her to even say that.  Her parents must be proud.  She is a real num nut.  Now, whenever she comes on, that’s the first thing I think about.

And she’s a teacher?  I’d pull my kid out of there.

I think it was on Unfiltered and Jamie O. Asked Iris if she had had oral sex. She said yes. I can’t recall if she specifically said she had been giver, receiver or both.

[nrskim]

10 hours ago, Gem 10 said:

What are the three experts for?  Who screened these eight people?  Out of all the people they interviewed, they picked this nutty bunch?  Probably on purpose.

I *strongly* suspect that the experts don't do any of the picking. That's all the producers, trying to pick who will make the most drama, with one couple that might kinda sorta work as a balance. 

[JocelynCavanaugh]

2 hours ago, LuvMyShows said:

Could someone post a pic?

Just grabbed these from YouTube. (Beth’s hot pink romper also featured.)

PSA: the official MAFS account posts Unfiltered episodes on YT and it’s pretty easy to find. 

Edited August 17, 2019 by JocelynCavanaugh

[Yeah No]

17 hours ago, topanga said:

The thing is, most married men don't have to ask their partners "When are we going to have sex again?" If they do, that suggests a medical issue or a problem in their relationship. 

Of course this isn't a normal marriage. These couples didn't have a chance to develop any emotional intimacy before they got married. 

I understand why Deonna took her time before having sex with Greg. I agree with her, in fact!

But on the episode where Greg asked her about when they would possibly have sex again, why hadn't they had sex except for that one night? It sounds like it had been a week or so. 

• Was Deonna still sick? If so, she should've said that.
• Was Greg terrible in bed? If so, they should've had a conversation about that (possibly off-camera).
• Is Deonna still worried that Greg won't be around after decision day, so she's hesitant about about him using her for sex? Possibly, but that's not what she said to Greg. Also, Greg's behavior has always displayed how smitten he is with Deonna and how much he wants this marriage to work. So I don't believe that possibility. 
• Does Deonna have a naturally low sex drive? If so, they should have a conversation about that. Couples often have different sex drives, and they have to work together to make sure everyone is as comfortable and satisfied as possible. 
• Does Deonna have a history of sexual abuse or trauma that makes her dislike sex? Maybe she wouldn't discuss that on camera, but what she has been saying doesn't suggest that at all. 
• Maybe Deonna simply doesn't want to have sex with Greg, even though she says she's sexually attracted to him. Maybe she doesn't think he's the one for her.  His house, tho. Maybe they could be roommates...

I think Deonna and Iris are both withholding sex to keep power over their partners.  Both of them have trust issues and don't want to let their guards down for fear of being used and then discarded.  Deonna was so scarred by her one and only relationship 10 years ago that she can't even let her guard down enough with the nicest guy in the world.  I am sure that Iris is similar for her own reasons.  Both of them are afraid of being hurt so they keep their walls firmly up, which keeps the men in the "subordinate" position to them.  They call the shots.  She and Deonna both deep down assume that all men want is sex, so the way to keep control in the relationship is to withhold sex.  Deonna may actually have a very healthy sex drive but she is afraid to indulge in it for fear that if she does, the guy is going to use it against her, take control of the relationship, and hurt her again.  So she would rather make Greg think she doesn't have that much of an interest in sex so she can keep him in that subordinate position where she is the one calling the shots as to when and how often they have sex.

[Yeah No]

10 hours ago, Retired at last said:

It has been explained and clarified multiple times that Deonna did NOT say that she agreed to sex once every other month. The conversation was misinterpreted and has since taken on a life of its own. Deonna just wants sex when it occurs naturally is all she has really stated. No timeframe, no schedule, (and probably, no cameras!). I think they do a lot of discussions off camera and just want to keep them to themselves, so we really have no idea where they are once the cameras are filming. We see her shutting down when she gets pressured and she is not comfortable getting out of her head. Hopefully, that will happen, because Greg deserves to have that level of discussion with his wife. As his friend mentioned, he needs to be sure of how he will feel if she doesn't change those behaviors by D-Day.

If that is the truth, then why hasn't it happened since that first time?  I don't think Greg is pushing her into any timeframe or schedule.  She has put him in an impossible situation.  Sex can't occur "naturally" if it's only about when SHE feels comfortable with having it.  She's not talking about what's "natural" for both of them but what's natural for HER only.  Because of her attitude, he has to be damned sure she's OK with having sex before he can even go near her.  And the problem is that since that time she has not been OK with it.  I don't think he's to blame if she feels pressured.  He's just doing what any normal person would do in a relationship.  She is the one with the hang ups if after the first time they still haven't had sex again. 

As I said in my post above this one, I think she's feeling pressured by Greg because she is afraid that if she has sex when she thinks HE expects it, she's allowing him to control her, and feeling controlled is what she fears the most because in her mind it means she's allowing the guy to dominate her and to hurt her again like before.  Meanwhile Greg is not using sex to dominate and control her, he's just a normal guy that likes her a lot and wants to be close to her.

The thing is that even when he hangs back to let her have space and come to him, she doesn't do it.  I really doubt Greg has been pressuring her every day 24/7 for sex.  I think he hung back for quite a while and when she didn't initiate it again after the first time and after a few weeks he started to let her know that he wanted sex again.  Again, I think she has hang ups, not a low sex drive.  She has already admitted to being involved in a relationship where there was a lot of sex, or where the focus was on sex, so it's not her level of desire that's causing the issues between her and Greg but some hang up in her head that's getting in the way of her natural desire.

Edited August 17, 2019 by Yeah No

[Yeah No]

16 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

So far he isn't wrong. He is in fact BS'ing his way through and Amber isn't really calling him out for who he is and what he's doing.

Both Pepper and Pastor Cal did, although as others have said, it was weaker than it should be.  But of course because we know these "experts" are not really doing their jobs but are just shills for the network.  The goal is not to give the couples the best advice, or only to give it if it furthers the goal of the show, which is not to produce great marriages, but to produce great reality TV.  Which is why they won't give Amber the right advice to leave this asshole despite calling him on his behavior, and why she is still with him.

[Soup333]

My son was my chauffeur today and he had this song playing in the car. 

Of course I thought of Deonna. 

[DrewPaul2010]

Okay lets start with Amber and Matt...

The only way I can give Matt any slack at all is to suggest he knows Amber isn't for him but he doesn't want to hurt her feelings (which he is anyway). But I can't because I know he is a liar. He doesn't look in the camera or the eyes of the person when lying. The worst body language (watch again if you can) but he is literally shaking his head no while saying he's committed to this relationship. Matt be a man pull the band-aid off and let that poor girl heal. Its much worse to lead someone on then to broom them. The shame about Amber is there are so many guys who are happy with a fair looking woman who is devoted, has heart and is committed to her man. She's probably already getting offers.

Kieth and Iris

This is not why a woman preserves her virginity, so she can hold it over her husband like the sword of Damocles. I'm sick of her talking about it like it's a threesome, Kieth Iris and Virginity.  I know this has been discussed before, a spouse doesn't have a right to sex but they do have a high expectation. If she was in all the way the tradition is for the virginity to fall by the way side on the wedding night. She has turned a noble gesture into a possession and a bargaining chip. I think what Kieth was saying to Pastor was he regrets this is the case at all, that he has to deal with this and a new marriage as well. They shouldn't have asked her what would it take for the marriage to work they should have asked what will it take to get this guy to get laid...Kieth seems like a fine man but no man is going to put up with rejection indefinitely. What is she waiting for? Peels of lightning angel visitations and high school marching band? What?

Jamie and Elizabeth

The funny thing is these two deserve each other. They are shallow self-centered, two characteristics that are incompatible with a good marriage. Thank God they don't want kids. I try to think of redeeming qualities, are they cultured in anyway, do they have any hobbies, have they ever thought of anyone other than themselves?  How about going to a food bank and helping out? I think both of them would discover the real joy and happiness in life when they take time to help others for goodness sake. I would be appalled at a wife who discussed highly personal and private things in such a flippant manner. She is so uncouth! 

Deanna and Greg

They're doing great they give us all hope!

PS I'm in favor of the experts taking a more proactive stance. But only so much they can do with the lumps of clay they picked...

[answerphone]

Let's invite Keith and Greg to join the experts. I'd watch a show with the two of them hosting!

What's worse on Unfiltered?

Beth's semi-nude  dress or Jaime's artificial looking hair extensions?

[Yeah No]

17 hours ago, Drogo said:

Trying to listen to the words Jamie is vomiting all over Pastor Cal, but all I see is Meep from American Horror Story. 

All I see is this:

                                   

[spunky]

On 8/15/2019 at 11:53 AM, Retired at last said:

I thought it was interesting when Amber said that while he is nice on camera (WHAT???), he isn't like that at all when the cameras aren't there. And that he hadn't been home since the last time they were filmed. It seemed like she might be ready to accept that he was not the person she thought/hoped, then she goes and says, "But, I really like him."  WHY????? But, for me, it was interesting because it showed how fake this show is and that they really don't have to pretend to be married. Jamie was also gone for 2 days until he wandered back, "What's up?" I really detest both of those men.

And on Unfiltered, does Jamie Otis not realize that her stupid hair makes her look like a fool? I really did not like that show last night as all she did was try to get two people who weren't involved to gossip and talk trash about the other couples. It was funny when they had that reaction to Matt singing, but I am totally disgusted by that pink thing Big Red keeps wearing. How far after the shows do they film these and do they do it all at one time, after the fact. And, I mean much later after the fact. There is no way that these are done right after each show was filmed.

Every time is see that pink "dress" I'm convinced that somewhere out there there is a doll missing it's top. 

[retired watcher]

This season is so disappointing. You would think after Luke last season they would have done a little better vetting. Matt is nuts in a really dangerous way. Luke gaslighted Kate, Matt is just abandoning Amber. Girl will need some serious counseling.

My summer shows really suck this year. I'm talking to you BB, Little Women LA, and Million Dollar Listing NY.

[pdlinda]

8 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I think Deonna and Iris are both withholding sex to keep power over their partners.  Both of them have trust issues and don't want to let their guards down for fear of being used and then discarded.  Deonna was so scarred by her one and only relationship 10 years ago that she can't even let her guard down enough with the nicest guy in the world.  I am sure that Iris is similar for her own reasons.  Both of them are afraid of being hurt so they keep their walls firmly up, which keeps the men in the "subordinate" position to them.  They call the shots.  She and Deonna both deep down assume that all men want is sex, so the way to keep control in the relationship is to withhold sex.  Deonna may actually have a very healthy sex drive but she is afraid to indulge in it for fear that if she does, the guy is going to use it against her, take control of the relationship, and hurt her again.  So she would rather make Greg think she doesn't have that much of an interest in sex so she can keep him in that subordinate position where she is the one calling the shots as to when and how often they have sex.

I think this is a BRILLIANT analysis of what is going on with those 2 couples.  It makes perfect sense to me.  I've been there.

[Elizzikra]

50 minutes ago, answerphone said:

Let's invite Keith and Greg to join the experts. I'd watch a show with the two of them hosting!

What's worse on Unfiltered?

Beth's semi-nude  dress or Jaime's artificial looking hair extensions?

Beth’s dress.

[LuvMyShows]

17 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

It’s very clear that GREG said every other month, not Deonna. She agrees with the stipulation that it better be mind blowing at that infrequent interval. He states that won’t work for him, and SHE AGREES by saying okay. 

Yes, Greg is the one who first mentioned the words 'every other month' as a sexual frequency.  But Deonna is the one who was fine with it.  So why quibble over whether Greg came up with the words first, or Deonna did....she is the one who was willing to accept that timeframe, and that is ultimately what matters when discussing their timing.  Further, just because she said 'ok' as a response to him saying that timeframe wouldn't work for him, does not necessarily mean that she agreed with his sentiment....many times people say 'ok' as just an acknowledgment that the other person said something and they heard it, not as indicating agreement with what they said.

[LuvMyShows]

13 hours ago, JocelynCavanaugh said:

Just grabbed these from YouTube. (Beth’s hot pink romper also featured.)

PSA: the official MAFS account posts Unfiltered episodes on YT and it’s pretty easy to find. 

Thanks!  In that pic that just shows Jamie, I would not have recognized her.  It looks like she's had some work done on her face that has tweaked her features enough that she looks more generic than she used to.   And it looks like you're right about Unfiltered on YT...I used to be able to see them there all the time, and then they stopped being posted, so I'm glad to see MAFS is posting them. 

That hot pick romper is insane.  Her breasts (and I use that word instead of boobs because so much of them were showing, and in such an unsexy way, that they looked like slightly saggy functional breasts rather than sexy boobs) were quite a prominent sight.  Did she seriously think it was a flattering look?  I went back and watched the previous Unfiltered episode, and it was so lame how Liz was talking as though it was being filmed contemporaneously, like they really were at only 4 weeks...she had to make all sorts of verbal and physical contortions to try to come across as convincing. 

[LuvMyShows]

8 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I think Deonna and Iris are both withholding sex to keep power over their partners.  Both of them have trust issues and don't want to let their guards down for fear of being used and then discarded.  

In the case of Deonna, it is working.  She is controlling the bedroom pursestrings and Greg is falling into place with his desire to increase the frequency, which continues the dynamic.  In the case of Iris, it appears to be spectacularly not working.  Rather than Keith falling into place in the dynamic, he has stepped outside of it entirely, which actually reduces her power.

[Retired at last]

At this point, and after last season, all I know is that everyone lies - the couples, the producers, the edits, everyone! I do think that Deonna and Greg are having sex, but she doesn't like to talk about her feelings. After all of Kate's whining last season that her husband wouldn't have sex with her and then we find out that they have been having sex since the honeymoon, I believe no one anymore! 

I don't think Keith and Iris are having sex, but they are doing some things. But, I think he is letting her do the leading. Hopefully, after the edible paint exercise, she may have loosened up, although they still won't have sex because Keith has made that decision.

Amber and Matt aren't having sex (according to the previews) because he is never home! He has his whole other life and is showing up for the paycheck.

I don't care what Jamie and Big Red are doing, just don't hurt the dogs!

[ramble]

Matt sucks. I think he’s been hit in the head with a basketball a lot. He can barely mumble speak his lame excuses. Maybe be did this just to have a place to live for awhile. Poor dumb Amber is so damaged she needs to be in a committed, long-term relationship with a therapist and screw Matt. (No not literally Amber! Don’t give that large, lumbering lunk any more of your precious gift.)

Iris becomes less attractive the more she talks. Keith is checked out and marking time. Unless the secret is something totally relationship changing I don’t see them making it. 

Jamie and Big Red needed to call it quits when the “experts” gave them the quasi-out option. They are both so self involved and full of anger that together they are an ugly toxic combination. 

I have hope for Greg and Deonna. Maybe I’m ridiculously hopeful but I think they have a chance. I still think they’re keeping a lot of their interactions off camera.  

[DrewPaul2010]

2 hours ago, retired watcher said:

This season is so disappointing. You would think after Luke last season they would have done a little better vetting. Matt is nuts in a really dangerous way. Luke gaslighted Kate, Matt is just abandoning Amber. Girl will need some serious counseling.

My summer shows really suck this year. I'm talking to you BB, Little Women LA, and Million Dollar Listing NY.

Maybe a new show...Recovering from MAFS. Amber's going to have dozens of suitors who are actual men of character...unlike the empty suit she got..

[Gem 10]

On 8/16/2019 at 6:10 PM, configdotsys said:

My first thought was that it's going to be a whole lotta nothing.

To be fair, we have no idea what goes on. He wanted to have sex with her and waited until it happened on his birthday. I would imagine that he thought at that point that the seal was broken and their sex life would continue from there. But Deonna shuts down and he asks her what needs to happen to have it happen again and she says she has no list, no idea and that it should just happen. That's confusing.

We have no idea if after that conversation he has walked up to her while she's doing dishes or whatever, put his arms around her and kissed her neck or something: things that I would consider letting it happen in the moment. The assumption seems to be that Greg is constantly saying "Can we do it now? Can we do it now?" over and over when we don't really know. If they are watching a movie on TV and he moves a hand here and tries to initiate something is that not good enough for Deonna either? Isn't that sort of thing that defines letting it happen as opposed to, "Can I hold your hand? Can I move my hand? Can I touch you here?"  

You know, when I heard that Keith said that after hearing her secret that he was "confused" I wondered if the secret is that she's not a true virgin, but one of those "born again" virgins. Her gyn would know so that covers what she said about only she and her doctor knows. 

I am just so sick of Iris and her virginity.  Who gives a shit.  Miss “lemonaid” is too full of herself, nasty, and thinks she’s the cats meow.  I hope Keith dumps her and her you know what.

[Gem 10]

6 hours ago, answerphone said:

Let's invite Keith and Greg to join the experts. I'd watch a show with the two of them hosting!

What's worse on Unfiltered?

Beth's semi-nude  dress or Jaime's artificial looking hair extensions?

Jamie O’s Helen of Troy bargain basement extensions, which grow longer by the minute.

[DrewPaul2010]

I don't watch unfiltered...am I missing much?

[Kareem]

1 minute ago, DrewPaul2010 said:

I don't watch unfiltered...am I missing much?

Godiva Otis occasionally asks questions that the couples don’t ask themselves. Some of the people are good at being interviewed.  Some are smarter, funnier and warmer than they appear which is nice to learn. The downside for me is that sometimes Jamie Otis is so hyper, it’s exhausting, and a few of the people from the shows make watching grass grow seem like a good idea.  I think it’s worth it.