S23.E01: Week 1 - Live Premiere

[tennisgurl]

So this whole season is just going to be Colton being "Virgin Man" and thats his whole deal, and everyone losing their damn minds over him? Even though no one, not even the fans, seem to be able to say anything about him beyond "Virgin!" or "He is super hot!" and thats about it. Because...it seems like thats most of what there is. He has his moments of being kinda charming, but mostly the dude is just dull as dishwater, despite the ridiculous hype. 

I like a few of the women, like Nicole and the Croatian girl, but they mostly blurred together in a haze of grand gestures and popped cherries. And then there was Catherine, who might as well be named "Producers Choice" and be done with it. It seems like she or the beauty queens are around to create the drama, but at least I buy that Colton would actually like the two of them. Fish Lips Bad Dog Mom? No way. 

I thought the chicken guy was ridiculous last season, but Sloth Woman actually managed to beat him in sheer ridiculous. 

I would say that the drinking game this season should be "drunk every time someone mentions Coltons virginity", but I like you all too much to wish that alcohol poisoning on you.

Really waiting to see how this is going to be the Most Dramatic Season Ever. 

Edited January 8, 2019 by tennisgurl

[tpplay]

1 hour ago, saber5055 said:

Sean was a "born again" virgin. Meaning he decided he was a "virgin" (in his own mind) again after having multiple sex partners up until this "epiphany."

Being a "born again" virgin was Sean's hook for his season. That made the train-going-through-a-tunnel visual after he got married on tv even more ... well, tacky.

OH!  Good Lord (no pun intended) I didn't realize that AT ALL.  I already though he was creepy but that - YIKES!

And yet, somebody married him.  Which is why it's a happy thing that's there's more than one potential partner in the world.

[LennieBriscoe]

Raise your hand if seeing Jason made you wish he was the Bachelor. 🙋

Edited January 8, 2019 by LennieBriscoe

[ECM1231]

2 hours ago, Mu Shu said:

Trista has some good looking kids.

Her son looks just like Ryan!

[saber5055]

1 minute ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Raise your hand if seeing Jason made you wish he were the Bachelor. 🙋

*crickets*

5 minutes ago, tennisgurl said:

Really waiting to see how this is going to be the Most Dramatic Season Ever. 

Don't hold your breath, like "they" say. We'd miss you around here!

[Ms Blue Jay]

56 minutes ago, Armchair Critic said:

Does Colton dig a hole and hide in it like Jerry's friend on Seinfeld?

Hahaha omg you win

55 minutes ago, tinkerbell said:

I'm watching this late on DVR. When they showed Jojo and Kaitlyn, I had no idea which one was which. 

Kaitlyn got too much work done.  She looks weird as hell.  (And she's admitted it, so I'm not even speculating.)

54 minutes ago, crgirl412 said:

Why don't they ever have any intellectuals?  More like Charlene (the opera singer) would be refreshing.  Smart people can be good looking too!

Or Siena, that went to Yale.  I'll never forget Arie saying "Wow - Yale?! I dropped out of high school and worked at Pizza Hut" with a big smile on his face.  It was so endearing.

54 minutes ago, crgirl412 said:

I am an RN and have seen lots of good looking male and female docs.  The gorgeous young guy who tutored me in Stats was a post-doc in Mathematics at one of the best science/robotics/engineering universities in the world.  He was normal and "cool" not nerdy at all.  

Maybe people like that don't really have life goals to be on this show.

28 minutes ago, SHD said:

I swear there are girls we never even saw. I was hoping the cool blonde Asian woman would stick around.

Did they keep her?  I say "They" because we all know that Colton doesn't get to choose.

Edited January 8, 2019 by Ms Blue Jay

[Ms Blue Jay]

24 minutes ago, tennisgurl said:

And then there was Catherine, who might as well be named "Producers Choice" and be done with it.

That would be more honest.  I'd respect the show so much more if they did that.

[laschifosavita]

The first episode when the show reaches its twentieth anniversary is going to be five hours long if they're adding this much filler to a random season that no one is excited about. It did make me like Colton and the women more than I would have normally. I was so ready for absolutely anything to happen that they were almost winning me over. I even started to like Sloth Girl just because she was a little more entertaining than random people cheering.

[Wandering Snark]

I love that it's bright daylight when they finally get to go outside post-rose ceremony. What a nightmare of a day that must be. Even worse if you are wearing a sloth costume for most of that time... and were the women drinking coffee to stay awake? I've never seen them with big mugs instead of champagne glasses!

[crgirl412]

8 minutes ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

46 minutes ago, crgirl412 said:

I am an RN and have seen lots of good looking male and female docs.  The gorgeous young guy who tutored me in Stats was a post-doc in Mathematics at one of the best science/robotics/engineering universities in the world.  He was normal and "cool" not nerdy at all.  

Maybe people like that don't really have life goals to be on this show.

HA!!  You are probably right!!!! 

[saber5055]

5 minutes ago, Wandering Snark said:

I love that it's bright daylight when they finally get to go outside post-rose ceremony. What a nightmare of a day that must be.

I guess that's a clue as to how boring this season is going to be. They had to fill the time with all this "live party" and hot tub cr*p instead of showing the cocktail party or any conversations. And the evening went on longer than any other. That's harsh. (And doesn't bode well for The Most Drah Matic Season.)

[ECM1231]

18 minutes ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Raise your hand if seeing Jason made you wish he was the Bachelor. 🙋

🙋 I had hoped for Jason; physically he is more my type. I do not find Colton appealing in the least. He seems as dumb as a box of rocks. Jason was upbeat and chatty at the viewing party in Lansing and we know he can string more than a few words together.

[nutty1]

7 minutes ago, laschifosavita said:

The first episode when the show reaches its twentieth anniversary is going to be five hours long if they're adding this much filler to a random season that no one is excited about. It did make me like Colton and the women more than I would have normally. I was so ready for absolutely anything to happen that they were almost winning me over. I even started to like Sloth Girl just because she was a little more entertaining than random people cheering.

We are past that! This is season 23, not even counting the Bachelorette seasons. 

I am guessing Hannah (first impression rose) is the next Bachelorette. No spoilers, just my guess. 

Jason....why couldn’t it be you?!

I must admit, the kids part was cute. 

I liked Nicole (who looks just like Ashley Spivey!) and the speech pathologist girl. They both actually seemed normal. 

There are no words for the sloth. 

[ECM1231]

3 hours ago, Armchair Critic said:

Mom's in federal prison for embezzlement.. well isn't that special.

That was Demi. I remembered her name b/c my nephew recently married a lovely Demi. This one, however, seemed decidedly low class, and not b/c her mom's in prison. Her comment that she hasn't dated a virgin since age 12 was kind of shocking. She 's just a tad too fast for Colton. 

[Wandering Snark]

23 minutes ago, ECM1231 said:

That was Demi. I remembered her name b/c my nephew recently married a lovely Demi. This one, however, seemed decidedly low class, and not b/c her mom's in prison. Her comment that she hasn't dated a virgin since age 12 was kind of shocking. She 's just a tad too fast for Colton. 

Agreed. To merge my musical references... She's just like cross-town traffic in a little red Corvette.

[TomGirl]

57 minutes ago, nutty1 said:

 

I liked Nicole (who looks just like Ashley Spivey!) and the speech pathologist girl. They both actually seemed normal. 

Those were two of my favorites as well.

[tinkerbell]

my goodness, Catherine is odd looking!    AND - she refers to her dog as her daughter.  I can accept when people say they are "mom"  to their dog, or call their dogs their fur-kids.   but not calling a dog "daughter."  that's just weird.    Oh, and she's 26?   I don't believe it.    50 year old women get cosmetic surgery to look younger.   At 26, her cosmetic procedures make her look OLDER!

 

Hannah G reminds me of Reese Witherspoon. 

Edited January 8, 2019 by tinkerbell

[Andromeda]

ABC, cut it out! Too much extraneous crap!!! Makes me wish this was a bubble show again. 

Hanna G. reminds me of a young Beverly D'Angelo. 

Katherine's face looks fake. 

Edited January 8, 2019 by Andromeda

[Lemons]

5 hours ago, Mu Shu said:

These women are extremely pretty.

I think that half of them are beautiful and half are very average looking all made up.  It will be interesting to see if he goes for looks.  I love how he doesn’t mention religious fanaticism as the reason he’s a virgin.  It’s obvious that’s the case.  They are the only ones who announce it to anyone who will listen.  Creepy.  

Edited January 8, 2019 by Lemons

[JudyObscure]

2 hours ago, Lemons said:

 It will be interesting to see if he goes for looks.

I think he already has.  He called Hannah "beautiful" right out of the limo and then gave her the first impression rose.  She's the same type as Ben Higgin's Lauren who he also fell for at first sight. Oh to be a tiny blonde with tiny eyes, tiny nose, tiny mouth and tiny little voice.  I find girls like that pretty but I save "beautiful," for someone with more dazzle. 

That first hour last night was excruciating.  Forced, fake enthusiasm from bad actors is so embarrassing to watch.  Jojo was smiling so hard it formed a crease down her face --- even with that, she's what I call beautiful.

The only one I care about is that poor little frightened Pomeranian.

[nlkm9]

9 hours ago, saber5055 said:

Colton has been going to "meet the bachelorettes" for three commercial breaks now. *sigh*

What a bunch of filler. Three hours of filler ...

the worst premiere and I have watched EVERY season and look forward to it--I didnt mind when they used to cut to a viewing party here and there but for the first time ever I turned it off at 8:45 and will fast forward through all the crap today or tomorrow  so i can see the show. "bacheloer Nation" has run away with itself. Just show the show!! lol.

[Jax7917]

I have to say , I’m shocked that Sean and Catherine’s kids weren’t on the kid packages or even mentioned once this time around .. something must’ve happened with them and the show because they used to be the golden couple . 

I cant believe with all the fans wanting Jason and Blake , that they went with Colton . I don’t understand why they think we care that he’s a virgin and how they don’t think it’s extremely played out by now 

Edited January 8, 2019 by Jaclyn88

[phlebas]

How on earth did they manage to cram 45 minutes of content into only three hours? Television is truly magical.

Sloth girl was cute once she got out of the costume. I'm assuming "I'll wear a stupid sloth costume" is another way of saying "I was hoping for Jason to be the Bachelor."

Was the girl with the Felon Mom also the one who described herself as "confetti cupcake"?  If I am following her analogy correctly, congrats on the wide variety of sex, I guess.

What is the happy ending for the girl with the fake Aussie accent? This seems like an awful idea... if her goal is to actually get engaged to Colton. If this is some long-form audition for a gender-bent remake of Crocodile Dundee, then great! Did you bring a knife?

I am curious about Never Been Kissed Girl. Has no one ever offered? Was this a conscious decision on her part? Is she lying and just trying to one-up Colton?

I haven't watched this show all that long -- is "butting in to get more time regardless of what's fair" a common "villain" move? I didn't enjoy Crystal on her season so much I need to see it again. (However, I did enjoy Crystal on her season more than I enjoyed Crystal and "Goose" in a hot tub -- girl's gonna have a yeast infection after all that.)

Good move by Hannah to open up talking about football. Worked, too -- enjoy that rose.  

I wonder if Other Hannah watched the premiere or watched the Bama game?  Every time someone said "Roll Tide" I would check the score and cackle to myself. (Screw Bama. War Eagle.)

Edited January 8, 2019 by phlebas
typos

[phlebas]

Also... when is ABC no longer contractually obligated to have some of Arie's women on every episode? We only saw Kendall and Sienne for a second and they didn't talk to the camera, but they showed up. Did they sign the same contract Jojo and Ashley I had? (I'm one of the vanishingly few who likes Kendall, but even I am like "oh, here we go...")

Becca looked nice. "Not speaking" is a good look for Garrett. He should explore that more.

[Scarlett45]

5 hours ago, Lemons said:

I think that half of them are beautiful and half are very average looking all made up.  It will be interesting to see if he goes for looks.  I love how he doesn’t mention religious fanaticism as the reason he’s a virgin.  It’s obvious that’s the case.  They are the only ones who announce it to anyone who will listen.  Creepy.  

I thought all of the women were pretty, but they all looked just a like! Granted I’m new to this venture, I did see a few women of color in the mix, but I still think all the women looked just alike. They had similar features and the same type of figures, long straight hair- they even did their makeup the same way. 

[JudyObscure]

1 hour ago, phlebas said:

I haven't watched this show all that long -- is "butting in to get more time regardless of what's fair" a common "villain" move?

It's not only common I think it has become the only villain move.  If these women really are producer plants the show must have some really dumb producers.  Can't we try something else, like a girl who says catty things about the other girls to the camera, or steals their shoes if they kick them off for a minute, or tries to form mean girl groups with the other girls and gets shot down trying?  It makes  me nostalgic for Vienna who at least had more than one trick up her sleeve.  One thing the butting in girls do for the show is pull out the ones who fixate on the issue and have apparently never watched the show before, so they tattle to the Bachelor and get told to tread lightly if not cut at the next RC.

[Starlight925]

2 hours ago, Jaclyn88 said:

I have to say , I’m shocked that Sean and Catherine’s kids weren’t on the kid packages or even mentioned once this time around .. something must’ve happened with them and the show because they used to be the golden couple . 

I cant believe with all the fans wanting Jason and Blake , that they went with Colton . I don’t understand why they think we care that he’s a virgin and how they don’t think it’s extremely played out by now 

My first thought with the montage about the kids was that we'd see Sean & Catherine.  I kept waiting for it, and.....nothing.  Did not make sense.  What's going on with them?  I wonder if they're having marital issues?

As much as I like Jason, he was way overacting last night.  He kept speaking loudly and overly enthusiastically, like he's trying to get someone, anyone, to notice him.  He spoke 90% of the time to Blake's 10%.  Then again, Blake has that gravely, weirdly awkward voice, so I didn't want to hear him either.

And Kaitlyn?  O.M.G.  Girl, step away from the surgeon.  Now.

[phlebas]

I almost forgot -- did one of the girls hand Colton a picture of her dog with his dog photoshopped in?

I don't care how pretty you are - if the first time I meet you, you give me a picture of Shammy, I'm going to ask if you also brought a pre-completed restraining order, or do I need to start a fresh one from scratch,

[phlebas]

50 minutes ago, JudyObscure said:

It's not only common I think it has become the only villain move.  If these women really are producer plants the show must have some really dumb producers.  Can't we try something else, like a girl who says catty things about the other girls to the camera, or steals their shoes if they kick them off for a minute, or tries to form mean girl groups with the other girls and gets shot down trying?  It makes  me nostalgic for Vienna who at least had more than one trick up her sleeve.  One thing the butting in girls do for the show is pull out the ones who fixate on the issue and have apparently never watched the show before, so they tattle to the Bachelor and get told to tread lightly if not cut at the next RC.

Half of any season of Survivor would give any would-be villain enough ammo to be remembered.  A few minutes getting inspired by Russell Hantz would have you putting Nair in the shampoo on Day 2.

[Ms Blue Jay]

6 hours ago, Lemons said:

I think that half of them are beautiful and half are very average looking all made up.  It will be interesting to see if he goes for looks.  

So far he is.  One of them had laryngitis and didn't even speak and her rose was called like third !   LOL!

2 hours ago, phlebas said:

How on earth did they manage to cram 45 minutes of content into only three hours? Television is truly magical.

I only saw a 2 hour premiere?

Did anyone else notice that the orchestra playing music was playing this song from "Arrival"?

 

There was also another song towards the end of the episode.  Did anyone catch what that was?

Edited January 8, 2019 by Ms Blue Jay

[Vivigirl10]

I can't believe I connected this but Hannah's (of the first impression rose) face looked oddly familiar to me.  Turns out, she's a model on a clothing site I had just been looking at:  reddressboutique.com!  

Not a fan for some reason of Caelynn, Miss North Caroline.  I think her botox and lip injections rival Old Dog Lady's.  I looked her up to see what she's all about and her Miss USA platform is about sexual assault awareness and the importance of consent.  Seemed pretty ironic when Coltie lunged at her and started sucking her face and all she did was "tee-hee" over it.  

The other pageant girl is a little over the top and may become annoying, but I felt for her when she walked in the room and Caelynn was sitting there giving her the death stare and she had to explain that she had lost to Caelynn :-( 

Fast forwarded through every bit of the live crap.  Could there possibly be a single person who actually likes that part???    

[phlebas]

1 hour ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

I only saw a 2 hour premiere?

Are you in Canada or something?  I was staring at this stuff from 8-11. But I understand Canada sometimes has mercy on their viewers...

[LBS]

They are all so young!  I can’t even imagine anyone of them as the Bachelorette.   Maybe that will change as the season progresses but as of now they all scream out Bachelor in Paradise fodder.

Caelyn reminds me of either Britt from Farmer Chris season or Sarah Lancaster (Ellie from Chuck)

[threebluestars]

So I was so extremely bored I only made it to the girls leaving the limo, and when I saw more filler I went to bed. What did I miss? Anything worthy of being awake next week?

[Jax7917]

I just find Bachelor in Paradise so much more interesting and entertaining than this bore. I watch The Bachelor only because I want to know who I'm watching when I watch Paradise. It's not even just because it's Colton who's the bachelor. It's because every season, the lead and the people fighting for the lead say the same exact lines. I even heard one of the girls say she has real feelings for Colton already (and that was before any of them talked to him on night 1.) it's like come onnn. At least in paradise, you get a little bit more reality.

[ByTor]

13 hours ago, Mu Shu said:

He is a virgin from Becca’s season, no one knows why he’s the bachelor.  He’s pretty dull.  I think he played football, but not pro.

He was on some pro teams, but it's true that he didn't play.  He was never drafted, he signed on as a free agent and appeared to only be on practice squads (like Aaron Rodgers' brother). 

https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/colton-underwood-a-former-tight-end-with-chargers-and-raiders-will-be-the-next-bachelor/

Quote

Originally an undrafted free agent signing of the then-San Diego Chargers in 2014, Underwood spent most of his rookie year on the practice squad. The 6-foot-3 tight end, who played college ball at Illinois State, also briefly spent time with the Philadelphia Eagles and Oakland Raiders, never appearing in a regular-season game.

If you look up his stats on ESPN he has none.

[seacliffsal]

I was LIVID when Catherine handed her dog off to Colton and left.  That dog was terrified/confused when left.  Then, the dog was handed off to unnamed crew members except for when Chris Harrison filmed his walking the dog segments (which, I admit, made me laugh).  If Colton were truly any kind of dog lover (which he professes to be), he would have eliminated her right then and there as she completely demonstrated that she cared more about being on t.v. than for her dog (oh, wait a minute, that would also be Colton...).  Although I'm not a fan of most of the "clever" introductions the contestants make on this series, this one went over the line and was actually cruel to a dog that had no idea what was going on (and who never signed up for this travesty of "love").  

[Gabs66]

14 hours ago, saber5055 said:

Colton has been going to "meet the bachelorettes" for three commercial breaks now. *sigh*

What a bunch of filler. Three hours of filler ...

I literally watched this in one hour, FFing through the live stuff and commercials. One hour. 

Edited January 8, 2019 by Gabs66

[crgirl412]

I would feel some type of way if I was the girl(s) he kissed (did Colton only kiss one?) and I didn't get the First Impression Rose.  I know that kissing isn't a prerequisite for anything but I would still feel bad.  I wonder if in their head it's "there are girls you kiss and girls you give the First Impression Rose to" kind of rationale. 

For all of the Statisticians of Bachelor Nation:  Was the First Impression Rose ever given to one of the girls kissed at the intro party?  

[Ms Blue Jay]

1 hour ago, phlebas said:

Are you in Canada or something?  I was staring at this stuff from 8-11. But I understand Canada sometimes has mercy on their viewers...

Canada or something, yes.  What happened 10-11?  I saw the preview for the season and then everything ended.

[vmcd88]

I hated the "live" crap.  Just give me the show please.  Didnt find the proposal to the pregnant girlfriend romantic.   Thought the Sloth was funny for like 2-3 seconds but it went on too long.  Either Katherine is a producer pick or Colton is dumb as a rock.  You'd think he'd tell her to stop interrupting but no.  Sloth girl did not get picked.  ha ha.  Hope the pageant girls bring it.  

[adhoc]

I just read Reality Steve's recap of last night's show (since I'm not watching this season).

I was bored with Steve's recap. BORED.  Even RS, with his usual snark, could not make the episode interesting in any way.  From the descriptions, the cast sounds generally thirsty and distasteful. And, as I predicted, Colton sounds like he's bringing nothing to the table except, as RS described it, a "head shaped like a pumpkin".

Glad I got that off my chest.

[Meowwww]

I like Cassie.  She seems more normal than most.  

They HAD to have all that filler cuz Colton is boring.  Add me to those who said “aww dang” when Jason was on screen.  He was my pick.  

[b2H]

I'll be a regular here on the site, but I won't waste another second on this season.  Dear hubby is moving to a night shift in ten days and he says he'll record it, fast forward through everything up to the Rose ceremony and that'll be it for him.

He watched the Becca season with me (she's from MN and we live in western WI) and he didn't even remember Garrett.

After last night, this show has jumped the shark.  They chose a guy with the IQ of a kumquat and have the same cast of characters they have every season.  Most of these girls are entirely too intelligent for him and, quite frankly, when the Cinderella girl left her shoe behind and Colton picked it up, I could only wonder if what was going on in his head was whether that style came in his own shoe size.  

[Evenshorter]

24 minutes ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

Canada or something, yes.  What happened 10-11?  I saw the preview for the season and then everything ended.

Canada here as well.  We got the whole sordid 3 hours PVR'ed, which took us about 45 minutes to actually the show. No issues with it cutting off at 10.

[tinkerbell]

The 3 hour episode was ridiculously boring, because of the focus on fans, parties, and has-beens.  this isn't American Idol, the past contestants don't need "fans".  Why are we supposed to care that some woman has a crush on a past bachelor?  to feel sorry for her? OK, done.  

I watched from the DVR, and fast-forwarded a lot of the filler.  The actual episode part was not very long at all.    To get to know the women, more footage of the cocktail party is needed.   And, no, not just the one woman who is continually interrupting.  (I suspect this is producer-driven, though).   

WHY can't we have a bachelor who says, "there are 30 women here, I want to have a chance to talk to everyone.  You had your turn, see you at the rose ceremony?"  

I saw women sitting around drinking from coffee cups.  did the party go on till morning, and they were having coffee?    I wonder if some of them thought, "he's a virgin, so he's looking for a 'good girl',  maybe I should refrain from alcohol and have some tea." 

A story came up on the news that Crystal and Chris were going to get a reality show.  UGH.

[alexa]

8 minutes ago, tinkerbell said:

 

WHY can't we have a bachelor who says, "there are 30 women here, I want to have a chance to talk to everyone.  You had your turn, see you at the rose ceremony?"  

 

I never understand this either.  It is in their best interest to meet all of the women they can or they could easily be missing the one.  It can't be that hard to say, I have enjoyed talking to you, but it is so and so's turn now.  Jeez

[nutty1]

2 hours ago, LBS said:

Caelyn reminds me of either Britt from Farmer Chris season or Sarah Lancaster (Ellie from Chuck)

I told me friend last night that she reminds me so much of Britt!

[b2H]

2 minutes ago, alexa said:

I never understand this either.  It is in their best interest to meet all of the women they can or they could easily be missing the one.  It can't be that hard to say, I have enjoyed talking to you, but it is so and so's turn now.  Jeez

This comes directly from the producers.  You can't have a b****y contestant if they're not allowed be b****y from the first.

[ByTor]

14 hours ago, tinkerbell said:

When they showed Jojo and Kaitlyn, I had no idea which one was which. 

You're not kidding!