Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[backformore]

Only on TV do people of all occupations - police, medical, legal - get interrupted at work by their spouses, parents, children, whoever, on a regular basis, when it's not even an emergency.  family members just drive to your place of work, and interrupt in order to settle an argument, plan an event, whatever.   And the person who is interrupted looks like a jerk if they can't be bothered to stop doing their jobs in order to tend to their personal lives. 

And - Only on TV does an entire extended family - siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, EVERYBODY  - show up to every sports game, play, science fair, etc. - all together, to cheer on the one kid.   Wouldn't all the siblings and cousins have an after-school activity of their own, taking place at the same time?  

[kiddo82]

9 hours ago, Calvada said:

Only on TV can people be punched in the face and never suffer bruising or broken bones (unless the subsequent black eye is done for comedic effect); only on TV can people suffer blows to the head severe enough to cause unconsciousness and them simply shake it off, never suffering anything other than momentary dizziness; and only on TV can someone fall several stories or down an elevator shaft, and suffer just a temporary limp.  Unless of course it's someone who falls or is pushed down a flight of stairs - they always go head over heels, never try to grab the rail, and inevitably the result is a broken neck. 

The hero or the main villain will suffer repeated blunt force trauma, gun shot wounds, stab wounds etc over the course of the movie/episode (or "day" in Jack Bauer's case) but still survive to fight in the climactic battle.  Got shot in the leg and are the hero/main villain?  Bite down on something, have someone pry out the bullet, and get back to work within moments.  Never mind infection, blood loss, black out pain, or the bullet shredding muscles and breaking bones.  Just limp around like you got a slight cramp.  (And someone will always make a point to say "You're lucky.  The bullet missed the main arteries.") Lackeys and underlings are never so lucky and can be taken out by a BB gun but main characters have psycho killer invincibility and super human regeneration powers.  And the climactic battle, despite the fact that it's usually a melee or a shoot out, always just happens to come down to our main hero and main villain.  Neither succumbs to any old bullet or suffers a fatal wound from just any member of the opposing side.  It has to come down to those final two.

Edited January 30, 2017 by kiddo82

[selkie]

11 hours ago, Lord Donia said:

A cough is always the harbinger of doom on TV. Nobody ever has a cold or allergies or a tickle in their throat.

Unless it's used for comic relief ala Daniel Jackson on Stargate SG:1.

[praeceptrix]

I had  Chinese takeout for dinner tonight, and it got me thinking. I tried to eat it in proper television style: straight out of the carton, with chopsticks. Sure, it was doable, but there was no room for the rice until I had eaten almost half. Do TV characters not eat/order rice? 

[Raja]

The "mail order bride" that you never met beats Immigration and Customs and shows up at your doorstep.

[MadyGirl1987]

Just found this topic this weekend and am loving gong back through all the past posts!

I have two to add. The first is only on TV will parents neglect or put down their children without anyone calling them out on it or getting authorities involved. The Middle(with Brick) and Modern Family(with Alex and Lily), as much as I enjoy them, have both been guilty of this in recent seasons. Brick will be forgotten and left places. Alex will have the family try to get rid of her because she ruins their perfect summer after coming home from a trip doing volunteer work. Lily will be screaming in terror at something while Mitch and Cam ignore it to try to impress the family with their singing. In real life, however, people have called authorities when children are playing alone in their own yard. Exception; Sitcoms where a misunderstanding occurs which causes it to seem like abuse is happening(i.e. The 7th season Simpsons episode where a series of events lead to the children being sent to live with the Flanders family.)

The second is only on TV will you have a couple constantly fighting and disagreeing stay together in a happy marriage without a lot of counseling. So many TV couples make me wonder why they are still together when in real life they would be in counseling or divorced.

[meep.meep]

21 hours ago, praeceptrix said:

I had  Chinese takeout for dinner tonight, and it got me thinking. I tried to eat it in proper television style: straight out of the carton, with chopsticks. Sure, it was doable, but there was no room for the rice until I had eaten almost half. Do TV characters not eat/order rice? 

That's how they stay so thin!

[cpcathy]

And they generally pick at that Chinese food, and NEVER just stuff a chopstick-ful into their mouths!

[zxy556575]

11 minutes ago, cpcathy said:

And they generally pick at that Chinese food, and NEVER just stuff a chopstick-ful into their mouths!

Jeez, how many total hours have we all spent over the years watching people on TV idly stab their forks at food on their plates but never take a bite?

[meep.meep]

That's the other way they stay so thin!

Plus they all smoke like fiends off screen.

[shapeshifter]

2 hours ago, MadyGirl1987 said:

 . . . The second is only on TV will you have a couple constantly fighting and disagreeing stay together in a happy marriage without a lot of counseling. So many TV couples make me wonder why they are still together when in real life they would be in counseling or divorced.

My parents spent 67 years alternately bickering and being lovey dovey. But yeah, that's not the way it works anymore. Are there or were there ever couples like Ozzie and Harriet?

[kassygreene]

Ok, I cut actors some slack on the food thing.  While meals on, say, Titanic, offered treats to the actors (I seem to remember one actor decided his character loved caviar and got to keep eating it), some of these big dinner scenes can take days, and they are supposed to "match" when possible - which is why there is a lot of pecking and poking and very little chewing and swallowing (the Sunday dinners on Blue Bloods apparently take two days to shoot....).

[anna0852]

And I'd imagine that food is incredibly unappetizing after awhile, plus all the dialogue has to come out clearly so no food in mouths when it is your turn to speak.

[backformore]

6 hours ago, Lord Donia said:

Jeez, how many total hours have we all spent over the years watching people on TV idly stab their forks at food on their plates but never take a bite?

Yes, and then there's all the times when people go out to dinner,  order food, maybe take A bite.  then, an emergency, an argument, a sudden urge to be elsewhere - and they leave.  Full plate, sometimes a cocktail, on the table, and they just walk out.

[Popples]

8 hours ago, anna0852 said:

And I'd imagine that food is incredibly unappetizing after awhile, plus all the dialogue has to come out clearly so no food in mouths when it is your turn to speak.

On the DVD commentary for the first Pirates of the Caribbean film, Keira Knightley talked about how they told her to spit the food out after takes in the scene when she eats dinner with Barbossa. She decided to be cool and keep swallowing it, and said that after a while it tasted cold and greasy and now she knows better.

Edited January 31, 2017 by Popples
Spelling correction

[proserpina65]

On ‎01‎/‎19‎/‎2017 at 3:36 PM, ChromaKelly said:

On TV, attorneys handle all kinds of cases, from criminal to divorce to taxes, one attorney can do it all!

Well, not everything, but I work in a small county, and a lot of the attorneys do criminal, family & civil matters.  Some of them do bankruptcies as well.  But not usually real estate - that tends to be done by lawyers who only do real estate.

[Sandman87]

Only on TV: If you're a scientist, you're also enough of an engineer to build the ultra high-tech equipment that you need for your work, even if it requires multiple skill-sets outside of your field. Nuclear physicists somehow know enough about structural engineering, electrical engineering, electronics, plumbing, architecture, and power systems to build their own reactors. Every astronomer can build a super new type of telescope, along with the rocket to put it in orbit and the communication system needed to use it remotely. And so on.

[ChromaKelly]

On 1/29/2017 at 6:57 PM, backformore said:

Only on TV do people of all occupations - police, medical, legal - get interrupted at work by their spouses, parents, children, whoever, on a regular basis, when it's not even an emergency.  family members just drive to your place of work, and interrupt in order to settle an argument, plan an event, whatever.   And the person who is interrupted looks like a jerk if they can't be bothered to stop doing their jobs in order to tend to their personal lives. 

And - Only on TV does an entire extended family - siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, EVERYBODY  - show up to every sports game, play, science fair, etc. - all together, to cheer on the one kid.   Wouldn't all the siblings and cousins have an after-school activity of their own, taking place at the same time?  

This drives me nuts. If the working person doesn't drop everything they are an asshole. People who work shifts of any type - restaurant workers, nurses, retail - especially cannot just up and leave work.

School programs are also always during the day. Any parent who cannot attend Does Not Care.

21 hours ago, backformore said:

Yes, and then there's all the times when people go out to dinner,  order food, maybe take A bite.  then, an emergency, an argument, a sudden urge to be elsewhere - and they leave.  Full plate, sometimes a cocktail, on the table, and they just walk out.

Don't forget to slam some money on the table.

[Blergh]

1 hour ago, ChromaKelly said:

This drives me nuts. If the working person doesn't drop everything they are an asshole. People who work shifts of any type - restaurant workers, nurses, retail - especially cannot just up and leave work.

Can I just say that in my decades of employment, I've had occasion to work with folks who seem to think they're on TV re dropping everything ? And I'll make my exit til next time. . .

[ganesh]

12 hours ago, ChromaKelly said:

Don't forget to slam some money on the table.

Also allowable: a handful of wadded up bills. 

[Bruinsfan]

On 1/29/2017 at 5:57 PM, backformore said:

Only on TV do people of all occupations - police, medical, legal - get interrupted at work by their spouses, parents, children, whoever, on a regular basis, when it's not even an emergency.

Yesterday my GP left in the middle of my annual physical to take a lengthy call from his wife. (Eh, it was a routine checkup and their grandchild is overdue in another state; I didn't really mind.)

[riley702]

Wow.

[Haleth]

20 hours ago, ganesh said:

Also allowable: a handful of wadded up bills. 

Without counting it.

[ganesh]

That was implied.

[Isle Of Why]

Whenever there's a public accident, shooting, or health emergency, the person tending to the injured will always yell out to the crowd to call 911. Like nobody would possibly think to do that without being told. Especially when the crowd consists of other police officers.

(This might happen IRL if passers-by are in shock or whatnot, but it always happens on TV.)

[Ceindreadh]

1 hour ago, Isle Of Why said:

Whenever there's a public accident, shooting, or health emergency, the person tending to the injured will always yell out to the crowd to call 911. Like nobody would possibly think to do that without being told. Especially when the crowd consists of other police officers.

(This might happen IRL if passers-by are in shock or whatnot, but it always happens on TV.)

It's actually recommended to do that to make sure that emergency services do get called. More specifically, you're supposed to say it directly to a bystander because if you just say it to a crowd in general, people tend to assume that somebody else will do it. 

[Popples]

2 hours ago, Isle Of Why said:

Whenever there's a public accident, shooting, or health emergency, the person tending to the injured will always yell out to the crowd to call 911. Like nobody would possibly think to do that without being told. Especially when the crowd consists of other police officers.

(This might happen IRL if passers-by are in shock or whatnot, but it always happens on TV.)

It's called the bystander effect. "The greater the number of bystanders, the less likely it is that any one of them will help."

I remember it was mentioned on an episode of QI, and they if there are loads of people, it's best to point to one person specifically and tell them to call for an ambulance/police/necessary emergency response service.

[hoosiermom]

On 7/7/2014 at 11:53 AM, walnutqueen said:

 

Absolutely; I should have put "only" in caps, bold, italic and underlined!  :-)

Did you ever get a cell phone? Lol I know this post was from a long time ago, but I was bored and began reading this forum. Pitiful, I know.

[walnutqueen]

36 minutes ago, hoosiermom said:

Did you ever get a cell phone? Lol I know this post was from a long time ago, but I was bored and began reading this forum. Pitiful, I know.

Hell to the noes!  I am old school with my cheapo Walmart cordless home phone.  :-)

[hoosiermom]

1 hour ago, walnutqueen said:

Hell to the noes!  I am old school with my cheapo Walmart cordless home phone.  :-)

You go girl!

[walnutqueen]

9 hours ago, hoosiermom said:

You go girl!

I go - but not often and not far.  I'm lucky enough to have all my stores, services and vet offices within a mile and a half from my humble old hovel, so the chances of stumbliig upon an emergency situation (where I need to yell out "CALL 911!") are fairly remote.  

And since my Mum died,  I have very little need for a telephone at all; except to occasionally marathon chat with my BFF or yell obscenities at scammers & rude telemarketers.  ;-)

[Shannon L.]

I've never seen as many people in real life as on tv who don't mind getting soaking wet while fully dressed. They fall into the water and jump out walking normally as if their denim jeans aren't stiff and clingy and I've even seen a number of them getting dressed after swimming without drying off first. 

[abstractstuff]

On 2/5/2017 at 6:10 PM, Popples said:

It's called the bystander effect. "The greater the number of bystanders, the less likely it is that any one of them will help."

I remember it was mentioned on an episode of QI, and they if there are loads of people, it's best to point to one person specifically and tell them to call for an ambulance/police/necessary emergency response service.

And most people are tool bags who would just be standing there recording the chaos anyway. Walked into an outlet mall last week and EMS was working a patient on the ground in a Subway. At least 15 people standing outside taping it. 12 of them at least were over 25 years old. Bring the nukes. 

[Anela]

1 hour ago, abstractstuff said:

And most people are tool bags who would just be standing there recording the chaos anyway. Walked into an outlet mall last week and EMS was working a patient on the ground in a Subway. At least 15 people standing outside taping it. 12 of them at least were over 25 years old. Bring the nukes. 

Oh, that's horrible. :( 

I used to be against having a cell phone. Then I wanted one for texting, and instagram, and I've ended up being one of those people who has to tear herself away from twitter, when I'm out. I don't post that much, but I read, and with the news the way it's been in recent months...

Edited February 7, 2017 by Anela

[SuzieQ]

Didn't read this whole thread so don't know if it was mentioned already, but what about women sleeping and having sex in bra's?  Occasionally? OK.  But it seems that every woman in America (on tv) sleeps in matching bra and panty sets, LOL!

[MaryPatShelby]

On 2/6/2017 at 9:19 PM, SuzieQ said:

Didn't read this whole thread so don't know if it was mentioned already, but what about women sleeping and having sex in bra's?  Occasionally? OK.  But it seems that every woman in America (on tv) sleeps in matching bra and panty sets, LOL!

I'm a terrible example of womanhood, but I don't even OWN even one bra and panty set.  I buy bras when I need them, and underwear when I need them, and never have they matched. Though I have to say, the Adore Me commercials get my attention, and I think "would it be nice to be that woman once in awhile?"

[proserpina65]

5 hours ago, MaryPatShelby said:

I'm a terrible example of womanhood, but I don't even OWN even one bra and panty set.  I buy bras when I need them, and underwear when I need them, and never have they matched. Though I have to say, the Adore Me commercials get my attention, and I think "would it be nice to be that woman once in awhile?"

I don't either.  The few times I thought about it and actually looked at sets, I discovered that if the bra fit, the panties didn't or vice versa.

[Blergh]

No one on TV has to spend hours making robocalls in vain efforts to get services restored.

[cpcathy]

When the experts say you have to act like your husband's girlfriend, that's when you buy bra and panty sets!

[Blergh]

10 hours ago, cpcathy said:

When the experts say you have to act like your husband's girlfriend, that's when you buy bra and panty sets!

Some experts! If one's husband HAS a girlfriend, then it would be more practical to buy a divorce kit (and not far off from the price of a set). I thought folks on TV DO get divorced.

[Raja]

On TV you wear helmets with lights on the inside shinning on your face, so you can see the actor, which would blind the user in real applications

[DittyDotDot]

1 hour ago, Raja said:

On TV you wear helmets with lights on the inside shinning on your face, so you can see the actor, which would blind the user in real applications

Oh, this drives me crazy with space suits on TV!

[Blergh]

14 minutes ago, DittyDotDot said:

Oh, this drives me crazy with space suits on TV!

Along with all the explosions and blasts that can be heard despite the fact that space is a virtual vacuum with sounds only heard if one gets close enough to an atmosphere but NOT on TV! LOL

[HunterHunted]

On 2/6/2017 at 8:04 PM, abstractstuff said:

And most people are tool bags who would just be standing there recording the chaos anyway. Walked into an outlet mall last week and EMS was working a patient on the ground in a Subway. At least 15 people standing outside taping it. 12 of them at least were over 25 years old. Bring the nukes. 

This happened to my brother's ex-girlfriend. She hit a pedestrian with her car. She is a doctor and went to attend to the pedestrian. She had to repeatedly ask bystanders to call 911 because everyone was taping it.

[Chaos Theory]

People being stalked on tv never have curtains. 

Note from poster:  writing this fully acknowledging that I haven't had curtains on my windows in like five years but to my knowledge I am not being stalked.  If I was I'd buy a set right away.  

[andromeda331]

On ‎2‎/‎5‎/‎2017 at 3:41 PM, Ceindreadh said:

It's actually recommended to do that to make sure that emergency services do get called. More specifically, you're supposed to say it directly to a bystander because if you just say it to a crowd in general, people tend to assume that somebody else will do it. 

That reminds me when Burn Notice was filming their first season finale and just blew up a car behind a highway. The director or producer got mad because the extras driving on the highway just kept on driving. No one stopped or reacted like they just saw a car blown up. Then realized those weren't extras, they were people driving on the highway and that was their reaction to the car blowing up. Just to keep on driving.

[ennui]

On 2/5/2017 at 0:51 PM, Isle Of Why said:

the person tending to the injured will always yell out to the crowd to call 911

And I think you need to say "911." I remember being told to tape 9-1-1 to the home phone, because people in an emergency situation will panic and blank out on what number to dial. 

[riley702]

Seriously? Those are some pretty useless folks. IMHO, of course.

[meep.meep]

On 2/9/2017 at 10:04 AM, Blergh said:

No one on TV has to spend hours making robocalls in vain efforts to get services restored.

It was a plot point on Friends.  

[Shannon L.]

16 hours ago, andromeda331 said:

That reminds me when Burn Notice was filming their first season finale and just blew up a car behind a highway. The director or producer got mad because the extras driving on the highway just kept on driving. No one stopped or reacted like they just saw a car blown up. Then realized those weren't extras, they were people driving on the highway and that was their reaction to the car blowing up. Just to keep on driving.

I'm not so sure I'd have stopped.  It's usually pretty obvious when there's a scene being filmed--there would have been a lot of equipment and people standing around when the car went up, so while the shock of it might have had me slamming on my brakes, after a minute I'd have probably thought "Cool movie/tv stunt!" and kept driving.