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S06.E01: Masquerade


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Scheana throws a lavish birthday party to show off her new boyfriend, but leaves Katie and Stassi off the guest list; Lisa overhears Sandoval complaining about her management style; a vicious rumor threatens to destroy a relationship.

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1 minute ago, chick binewski said:

Who misses Cary Grant when we've got Jax Taylor around?!

Geez. And because this show wasn't gross enough already they had to bring elder abuse into it.

Oh, Cary Grant had class. That is a difference. 

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Poor Brittany. She might be the only likable cast member. 

Also Schwartz  continues to not understand relationship protocol: you shouldn’t go to parties where your SO is given a “not invitation” speech. This is like the 100th time he has done so, katie  is over this. As she should be. This is why I sometimes understand her being over his bs.

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13 minutes ago, ivygirl said:

Comfterbility. Familiriarity. Nostalgeea. I can’t wait for TomTom. 

Also: Loving Sandoval’s Adam Ant look. 

Not loving? Scheana inviting Schwartz but not Katie. Douchey. Him going is lame too, but I feel that’s more for the show. And all her photos of herself. 

Schaena came off SO stupid and petty.  You don't like Katie. You don't want her at your party.  All well and good.   But to make a point of announcing your party and doing a "not" invite is tacky, classless and narcissistic. 

Schwartz should have declined.  I would hope in real life he would decline.  I get tv obligations. But for me, it' just one more example of how Swartz doesn't have her back in the smallest of ways.

Based on the previews though, she doesn't seem to have much going on for the season.

Hmmmm.  Angles in the previews made it seem like James is kissing the guy he hangs with when his tv girlfriend isn't around. 

And I'm excited to see why Stassi and Ariana look like they're having fun.  Why do I want them to get along?  It' like a series goal for me--Ariana and Stassi. Kind of friendish with each other.

I don't believe Brittany will leave Jax unless Faith is pregnant. 

Sandoval. What was he wearing in the Credenza scene?  Those were....shorts?  And you can drink "marijuana".  They sell all types of flavors in liquid form.  Run Ken and Lisa.  Well totter as fast as you can Lisa!

Dear God Stassi can be so annoying, but I heartily laughed when she popped up in Katie and Toms Bora Bora video.

Edited by dosodog
Shwartz side eye. Sandoval is a dumbass.
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38 minutes ago, chick binewski said:

Who misses Cary Grant when we've got Jax Taylor around?!

Mentioning Jax Taylor and Cary Grant in the same sentence?  Just no! :)  I have loved Cary Grant since I saw People Will Talk when I was 13 years old.  That was 40 years ago and my love has never wavered.

Edited by movingtargetgal
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I surf by periodically! These empty, wasted people are just not worth being concerned over! Who is this Faith person and why does she go out of her way to rat out Jax? Not like he deserves any consideration, but she knows Brittany; why allow this to happen? Admitting to unprotected sex is gross; esp. on TV! Her family must be quite proud! ;-)

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36 minutes ago, WhosThatGirl said:

Poor Brittany. She might be the only likable cast member. 

Also Schwartz  continues to not understand relationship protocol: you shouldn’t go to parties where your SO is given a “not invitation” speech. This is like the 100th time he has done so, katie  is over this. As she should be. This is why I sometimes understand her being over his bs.

Schwartz was wrong to go to Scheana's party when Katie was not invited.

I feel very badly for Brittany. She is a nice girl who loves Jax despite his antics.

I think the Tom Toms should listen to Lisa & Ken. They have more experience in designing & running restaurant than the Toms.

I prefer Ariana's original hair style but it's not bad.

Stassi was hilarious as usual.

The show is going to be fun this season!

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1 hour ago, Mindthinkr said:

Are you kidding me? Someone is spreading a rumor about Jax sleeping with this girl named Faith? Nothing like bringing on the big drama in the first episode. 

It sort of follows from Jax and Brits own show, to me they looked unhappy most of the time. I can see them splitting up

Love me some LVP..

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I prefer Ariana's original hair style but it's not bad.

Me too, but I really like her.

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I know it’s only the first episode, but I didn’t get as irritated with Ariana this time. Maybe because her disdain was directed at Jax.

Still not sure what to make of Brittany. No one deserves Jax’s Full Deluxe Royal Douche Treatment, in the least, but after all these seasons, I still struggle with the idea that she didn’t know what time it was with this guy. I’m sure she’s a nice girl (in terms of her treatment of friends) but she doesn’t strike me as THAT naive. It isn’t as though he hadn’t acted out his behavior on national television or anything. I hope it’s not a fantasy of converting a bad boy. In any event I give Mamma Frosty Lips a big goose egg for encouraging the relationship. 

Edited by ivygirl
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23 minutes ago, ivygirl said:

I hope it’s not a fantasy of converting a bad boy.

Oh Brittany *totally* is embracing that pathetically cliched delusion: the good Southern Christian girl who finally makes the LA bad boy change his naughty ways! She's got Jax going to church, meeting her family, working on the farm...she's the one who will finally make him see the light and settle down to be the perfect husband and father he was destined to be!

Right. 

Most girls outgrow that bad boy fantasy eventually. I just hope she realizes what she's gotten herself into: the dude has a sex addiction and is a serial cheater. Nothing but therapy and a penis dysfunction will stop him from dicking around when he gets the chance. I guess the fame and good times in LA are also worth the heartache of putting up with a cad like him.

And why does Jax have to move apartments literally every season? Is he that shitty of a renter?!

Faith is gross, btw. Just as gross as all those other skanks who have come on this show just to admit on national television that they have slept with various cast members.

Every season it's some random skank who either made out with or slept with one of the men on there, usually while in vacation...I cannot fathom how you could go on with your life having proudly admitted/argued to the world that you had a random drunken fling with one of those chucklefucks, but there are some extra thirsty bimbettes around LA, obviously.

Speaking of thirsty, interesting that Kristen was barely featured or involved with this episode. It seemed more pathetic than usual seeing her skulk around and desperately attempt to get involved in some sort of onscreen scuffle with Jax and Faith. 

That being said, I've missed all these losers--the Tom's and their droll women especially. Even the husband-hungry, self-absorbed professional victim Scheana and creepster DJ James were missed.

Can't wait to see LaLa skank up the screen soon!

Edited by Sun-Bun
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33 minutes ago, Kairay said:

Where are the Toms going to get 100,000 each?? Seems like a lot of money. I get that Lisa and Ken can't do it all on their own, but wow

I actually thought $100,000 was low. I wondered what percentage of partnership that gets them. I thought Sandoval was over the top in the restaurant scene. I get he wants input, but I assume that Ken and Lisa have way more money put in the restaurant than Sandoval. If this was an equal (or even somewhat close to equal) partnership I would think Sandoval would get more input, but I do not think that is even remotely the case. I laughed at Schwartz looking so very awkward when Lisa was confronting Sandoval on what he said.

I usually do not mind Ariana and Sandoval, but I thought them bitching that Lisa and Ken were eavesdropping on their private conversation was ridiculous. Uh guys, you were in a public place and Lisa and Ken own it. I did like Ariana's haircut though.

Didn't Katie do the non-invite thing during one of the previous seasons? I cannot remember if it was last season or the one before, but I thought she told someone (Lala?) that they were not invited to some party she was having.

After last season I am surprised that Katie and Stassi are so shocked that Scheana does not want to be their friend. It did not seem out of the blue to me.

Scheana strikes me as the type to always have a boyfriend and not like being single. She also, seems like the type who says everything is great when it really is not. That said I would not want to be friends with Katie or Stassi either. I did like Scheana's dress she wore to her party.

Wasn't Faith the one that was hooking up or trying to hook up with Max last season?

Shocker Stassi is back with Patrick, but really the less said about Stassi the better.

Edited by Misslindsey
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27 minutes ago, Kairay said:

Where are the Toms going to get 100,000 each?? Seems like a lot of money. I get that Lisa and Ken can't do it all on their own, but wow.

Lisa & Ken could drop twice that much on vet bills for Hanky (or Spanky) the swan.

Nevermind the ponies by the pool.

Edited by walnutqueen
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Poor Brittany. She might be the only likable cast member. 

And she is really sweet too.  I bumped into her last year walking her dogs and I was excited someone else had a red poodle.  We talked for a bit about our dogs and she could not have been nicer.  I will never know why she's with the lothario Jax.  

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2 minutes ago, Teddybear said:

And she is really sweet too.  I bumped into her last year walking her dogs and I was excited someone else had a red poodle.  We talked for a bit about our dogs and she could not have been nicer.  I will never know why she's with the lothario Jax.  

Aw. That’s nice to hear. I have no idea why she’s with Jax either. 

She is kind of young, though. Not too young but in her early 20s I can see what others have said about her being in a “I can change him” bad boy phase for now. 

I feel for her though. She did move her whole life for Jax.. but it seems funny that most of the cast would be on her side regarding him. And that would be nice. Jax needs to get a comeuppance and a real one. 

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3 hours ago, Kairay said:

Where are the Toms going to get 100,000 each?? Seems like a lot of money. I get that Lisa and Ken can't do it all on their own, but wow.

I assume they have some money from being on a TV show for a number of years and doing appearances.  

2 hours ago, Misslindsey said:

I actually thought $100,000 was low. I wondered what percentage of partnership that gets them.

I believe it was said they'd get 10% each.

 

I think I like Arianna's hair, but I'm not going to masturbate to it 4 times.

I feel like Faith stole her banging a bad boy in front of an old lady story from Orange is the New Black.

So Schwartz and Scheena's party situation...

1.) Where does Scheena get off telling Katie "I'm having a party and not inviting you." and then inviting her husband?  You don't do that shit.

2.) The proper response for Schwartz would be to tell Scheena to fuck off, not to go to the party without his banned wife.

3.) How did Katie just seem so blase about it and not rage out at Schwartz?  She has a known issue with raging out and it would have totally been warranted this time

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2 hours ago, Misslindsey said:

I usually do not mind Ariana and Sandoval, but I thought them bitching that Lisa and Ken were eavesdropping on their private conversation was ridiculous. Uh guys, you were in a public place and Lisa and Ken own it.

 

While being filmed for a reality show. 

TomTom is a stupid name. Lisa said they were each getting 10% of the business for their 100k, so you guys are MINORITY partners. I hope Max said he didn't to be in the business because this the place that they said Max could manage.

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3 hours ago, yourmomiseasy said:

So Schwartz and Scheena's party situation...

1.) Where does Scheena get off telling Katie "I'm having a party and not inviting you." and then inviting her husband?  You don't do that shit.

2.) The proper response for Schwartz would be to tell Scheena to fuck off, not to go to the party without his banned wife.

3.) How did Katie just seem so blase about it and not rage out at Schwartz?  She has a known issue with raging out and it would have totally been warranted this time

Yea, that was totally out of character for Katie. She must still be hitting those edible candies really hard to stay so mellow. She's like a different person. 

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While I am fully aware that Jax is a complete sociopath and capable of lying about anything, this Faith thing seems a little too set up for me. Someone above pointed out that Faith was there, sitting alone. Tom heard the rumor that day or the day before. I don't know, it just seems contrived to me. I guess it will play out and we'll find out. 

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I agree - I totally could buy Jax doing this, but the whole setup with Faith just seemed so contrived.  She waited until they were filming to blurt all this out?  And she waited for a CAST MEMBER to come talk to her before she spilled the beans, to make sure it became a thing!  I mean, maybe her and Jax did sleep together, but she definitely is trying to get her own storyline on the show out of it!

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Yes!!!! My favorite trashtastic show is BACK. Oh my gosh, I have so much to say. Where to start?

Okay, how about - I fucking hate Scheana. That's right. I hate her. I think she may actually be my least favorite character on this show now. I may hate her more than Jax and Kristen and Lala. She is just a narcissistic ball of suck. So she dated this Rob guy before Shay? And she says they just took a "six year break". So she's essentially calling her YEARS with Shay, her MARRIAGE, just a "break" from another dude. What. The. Fuck. That is cold. I'm with Lisa, she can admit that they weren't a good match long term without trivializing the time they spent together. It's dismissive and gross. 

But yea, she is really full of herself this year. Apparently she and Katie aren't speaking because Scheana was comparing how many friends each of them has. Whether you meant it as a compliment or insult doesn't matter. Who DOES that??? And then she makes a point of telling Katie about her party just to inform her that she's NOT invited. 

Nice to see that Schwartz is still coming and going as he pleases with no regards for his wife's feelings. Katie is a soul suck, but I'd be damned if I'd hang out with anyone who treated MY spouse that way. But I guess it doesn't really matter. Katie has her 2nd husband, Stassi, to hang out with. Oh, is Patrick back? Ha. 

 

I think the Toms need to have a sit down with Lisa and Ken and map out just what everyone's involvement in Tom-Tom would be. If you want them to invest, they should be able to have some say so. If you JUST want them to handle the bartending aspect, let them know. At any rate, I don't think you can say that Lisa and Ken were eavesdropping, as I don't think they intentionally sat there to listen to you. It just happened. 

Big meh on Ariana's new haircut. But I was LIVING for Sandoval dressed as the Vampire Lestat. Also, his quip about "time to take the next step....and buy a credenza together" was hilarious. I'll never not love Flat Iron Tom. 

 

On to the big drama of the night. Yea, I think Jax did it. Why? Because it's Jax. He's gross. He can't help himself. And he does this thing with his eyes when he's lying; I think I've, sadly, learned his tells by now. I did consider that Lala put Faith up to this, but for now I'm going with Jax is guilty. Things got really intense in KY, and I could see him banging around while Brittany stayed back home for a bit. 

 

Other random thoughts - thank God for no actual Lala this episode. I don't give a shit about James and his new girlfriend. But I think Logan dooooooes. 

 

 

On to the big drama of the night. Yea, I think Jax did it. Why? Because it's Jax. He's gross. He can't help himself. And he does this thing with his eyes when he's lying; I think I've, sadly, learned his tells by now. I did consider that Lala put Faith up to this, but for now I'm going with Jax is guilty. Things got really intense in KY, and I could see him banging around while Brittany stayed back home for a bit. 

 

Other random thoughts - thank God for no actual Lala this episode. I don't give a shit about James and his new girlfriend. But I think Logan dooooooes. 

Edited by ghoulina
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Did He or Didn't He?  Hah!  This is Jax.  Who else would suck someone's toes and not pull out while screwing said someone in a sleeping old lady's presence?  Let's ask Kristen, shall we?

Oh, you shitshow, how I have missed you!  

[/squee]

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It was funny when Stassi was making fun of Scheana only allowing herself be photographed (and taking selfies) from one side of her face (the better side). I agree with @ghoulina, I fucking hate Scheana, too. 

Spoiler

Not sure if it's spoilery or not, since Stassi said it on WWHL last night, but she has been single again for 4 months now. I also read that Scheana's dream man has already dumped her. I guess he got tired of her shit pretty fast. Smart guy.

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8 hours ago, Sun-Bun said:

And why does Jax have to move apartments literally every season? Is he that shitty of a renter?!

So he could live next to Scwartz and steal his beer? 

 

5 hours ago, yourmomiseasy said:

I assume they have some money from being on a TV show for a number of years and doing appearances. 

And Sandoval has lived in that shitty, rent-controlled apartment for over a decade. He might be actually kind of money smart. 

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10 hours ago, farmgal4 said:

There's not a fictional show on TV that's as scripted as this one.  

Agreed. All of the acting seemed particularly bad and obvious in this episode. It's likely always been this way, but now it stands out to me.

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32 minutes ago, Koalagirl said:

New York Magazine did a review of last night's episode and described Schwartz this way: " a gorgeous hunk of butter whose brain didn’t make it to the Land O’ Lakes."  I've never read a more perfect description of anyone!!!

I NEED to steal that phrase - SOON!

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4 hours ago, Koalagirl said:

New York Magazine did a review of last night's episode and described Schwartz this way: " a gorgeous hunk of butter whose brain didn’t make it to the Land O’ Lakes."  I've never read a more perfect description of anyone!!!

Ha ha.  Well at least, to his credit, he knew how to pronounce "nostalgia."  Unlike his co-Tom. 

Even though this IS Jax, I'm not buying this "sleeping with Faith" storyline. Seems like a total setup to try to make things interesting/keep ratings up. 

What I did buy as unscripted?  Jax's asshole comment that Brittany is finally "getting off the couch and going to the gym instead of keeping Postmates in business."  Fucking toolbag.  

Ariana.  I like her haircut in theory, but wasn't crazy about the way she styled it.  I actually think she looked prettier with the longer hair.  It was thick, healthy, and (most likely) real.  I applaud her for trying something different though.  

And it sure highlighted how shitty Katie's extensions look.  She looks awful, period.  

Stassi making that comment about how rude/immature Scheana is for going out of her way to tell Katie she wasn't invited to her costume party made me LOL.  Stassi, going out of your way to be a stone cold bitch to people was your raison d'être in seasons 1-2.  

Edited by Duke2801
wc
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I stalk these people like it's my job.

here's the "tea":

1.  According to Stassi's podcast (on which I flove her;  on the show I go up & down but OMG HER APARTMENT! also apparently she has a "shoe room", I'm obsessed w/shit       like that & I hope they show it some day.) Stassi, Katie & Kristen went to Europe in the early spring.  Kristen left the trip early, apparently having something to do w/being friends w/Scheana, b/c, as we know, these bitches are the Friend Police

note:  regarding her deleted podcast, I read a transcript.  I think she's coming from a very privileged, sheltered, naïve place.  Sometimes you don't know enough about a subject to speak on it.  Some people don't realize that they should *not* talk when they don't know what they're talking about.

2.  Patrick broke up w/Stassi right before their anniversary & she ended up going on their anniversary trip to Mexico, a la Carrie Bradshaw,  w/that Rachael girl who Ariana doesn't think is funny.

3.  Rob posted on Instagram last night that we are seeing his & Scheana's story, which isn't over yet & will continue in "some capacity, whatever the future may hold" or something.  She wrote back that she loved him & appreciated the comment.

and how could you NOT be upset if someone said that you had no friends?  And how the fuck could that *ever* be a compliment?

Edited by teapot
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Yeah.. what was Schena talking about with the “I just said to someone that I had a number of friends more than Katie. It wasn’t an insult!” Uh.. huh? Also.. Schena is terrible. Not only for the disinvited speech but making sure to do it in front of someone. You know she loved having Ariana there to witness it. Also her little giggle “I think I have to have this conversation with Stassi now, hee hee” ugh. 

I love that everyone doesn’t buy her One True Love with this rob guy though. Lisa being all “you were just married a few months ago” and Kristen being like “um okay?” And Brittany’s reactions “I’m just so happy you are happy!” Seriously Schena needs to slow down. 

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25 minutes ago, teapot said:

Rob posted on Instagram last night that we are seeing his & Scheana's story, which isn't over yet & will continue in "some capacity, whatever the future may hold" or something.  She wrote back that she loved him & appreciated the comment.

Talk about being evasive. What the hell does "some capacity" mean? Is that code for 'I dumped her but leaving the door open in case nothing better comes along'?

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I don't even know what to think about this Jax and Faith thing.  I totally wouldn't put it past him, and he definitely was showing some of his usual signs of LYING his face off, but I really wanted to hope he'd actually started to grow up a little.  I guess because I like Brittany so much.  Shitty comments aside (I'd kill him), they seemed to have settled as a couple-not going out all the time, eating right, working out, etc.  I'd hoped maybe that little bit of maturation would extend to not spreading his funk all over town anymore.  Also, Faith?  I cannot even believe she actually admitted to do something so damn....just gross.  James was everything though with his reaction.  I died laughing at him.

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10 hours ago, ivygirl said:

I need more Kristen. Also looking forward to finding out what kind of injury Scheana will sustain this season: Smartphone Hand? Selfie Neck? Eye strain from wearing false lashes and ten coats of mascara every day? The suspense is killing me!

UGh, she is such a skank..I am happy when Kristen is nowhere around..

2 minutes ago, bichonblitz said:

Talk about being evasive. What the hell does "some capacity" mean? Is that code for 'I dumped her but leaving the door open in case nothing better comes along'?

Scheana needs to grow up . With Shay it was all about the wedding and not the marriage, Rob, run!!

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9 minutes ago, bichonblitz said:

Talk about being evasive. What the hell does "some capacity" mean? Is that code for 'I dumped her but leaving the door open in case nothing better comes along'?

I'm totally paraphrasing, but that was the gist of it.  I feel like he was being like "I dumped her ass but I'm still a good guy, ladies, I swear!!"

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4 minutes ago, teapot said:

I'm totally paraphrasing, but that was the gist of it.  I feel like he was being like "I dumped her ass but I'm still a good guy, ladies, I swear!!"

They should have gone with “conscious uncoupling.”

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