Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!

[lascuba]

23 hours ago, Zella said:

Thanks for the update, @GeeGolly and @lascuba! 

I'm side-eying his pronoun claim pretty hard. The money thing would definitely explain some of the hard feelings in the family. is that how he's funding law school? If so, I think that is kind of shitty. That money should be Jill's, not his. Using it for the house wouldn't bother me. I'm glad they are using birth control. I really don't think these 2 need any more children. 

I came across this summary on one of the fundie tumblrs:

Quote

Yes, they have friends who are non-Christians friends and are in the LGBTQ+ community. Derick says it is a misconception that just because you disagree with someone that you can’t be friends. With the recent passing of Justice Ginsberg and Justin Scalia was an example of that. You can disagree and still be respectful or friends. It’s not the only topic of your friendship/relationship. As Christians, there are things they are sinful (adultery, homosexuality, sex before marriage, stealing, lying), but that doesn’t mean they won’t be friends with people because ultimately all sinners. It doesn’t mean that what you talk about in one space you’ll continuously talk about in another space. So if Jill is around someone who knows what she believes, she’s not going to rub it in that person’s face. You won’t find anyone who you’ll agree with 100% on everything. If Derick is invited over to a transgender person’s house, he will use their preferred pronouns because of the setting and context. Jill says you should still not close your voice down in the right spaces and context. Derick says their faith is very important to them in every aspect of their life, and generally people talk about what is important to them. Jill says it is important to have discussions and debates in the right space, but to be respectful and self controlled, no matter what side you fall on. You can be firm and outspoken about anything (political, faith, etc.) because of free speech. Some people might not like your opinion, and that’s ok. Just don’t make it personal. A friendship is appealing when you can have a discussion about something, as long as both are able to mutually agree to have that conversation. Jill says what you see on social media is not everything someone is, and just because you use your space to advocate for what you believe in does not mean you should be silenced or that you are always going to talk about that topic. Be civil and genuine, but don’t be shut up just because someone doesn’t want you to express your voice. Or just agree to not talk about certain topics where you know you’ll never agree.

So....yeah, a whole bunch of fundie gobbledygook attempting to hide the fact that they're bigots, and a hyperspecific example of when Derick would use correct pronouns, something that will never be tested because it will NEVER happen.  I'm flabbergasted that this is seen as progress on their part.

[GeeGolly]

"If Derick is invited over to a transgender person’s house, he will use their preferred pronouns because of the setting and context."

That phrasing alone is very telling. There is no setting or context when using the wrong pronouns is okay.

Edited October 2, 2020 by GeeGolly

[Zella]

1 hour ago, GeeGolly said:

"If Derick is invited over to a transgender person’s house, he will use their preferred pronouns because of the setting and context."

That phrasing alone is very telling. There is no setting or context when using the wrongs pronouns is okay.

Yeah that reads to me as "to your face and on your turf, I will, but at my house or while driving home denigrating you or while attacking you on the internet, I won't." Derick, King of Weasel Words. 

[DangerousMinds]

3 hours ago, lascuba said:

I came across this summary on one of the fundie tumblrs:

So....yeah, a whole bunch of fundie gobbledygook attempting to hide the fact that they're bigots, and a hyperspecific example of when Derick would use correct pronouns, something that will never be tested because it will NEVER happen.  I'm flabbergasted that this is seen as progress on their part.

I DO appreciate them not god bothering everyone they come into contact with, but that’s about it. 

[lascuba]

37 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

I DO appreciate them not god bothering everyone they come into contact with, but that’s about it. 

And even that...they probably don't god bother people who they've already god bothered and have made clear they don't agree in a very friendly way.

[Zella]

4 hours ago, lascuba said:

I came across this summary on one of the fundie tumblrs:

So....yeah, a whole bunch of fundie gobbledygook attempting to hide the fact that they're bigots, and a hyperspecific example of when Derick would use correct pronouns, something that will never be tested because it will NEVER happen.  I'm flabbergasted that this is seen as progress on their part.

After rereading this, another thing that stands out to me is the comment about free speech: "You can be firm and outspoken about anything (political, faith, etc.) because of free speech." I don't know if that's a direct quote or a summary, but that's ignoring the fact that free speech is protected in the sense that the government can't persecute you for what you are saying. That doesn't mean you don't get to face consequences for what you say from private entities. I strongly suspect that Derick thinks his rights to free speech were violated by TLC when he was fired and that may very well drive quite a bit of his bitterness toward them.

But they are a private company--not the government. They are just as within their rights to fire him for what he says as he is within his rights to spout off whatever hateful shit he thinks. It's a two-way street. Applying it more directly to the example they give about going to someone's else home or being in their own house. I suspect Derick is a lot more confrontational online than he is in person, and his claim he would be more respectful in person has more to do with that than anything. But the vibe I get from that quote is they seem to think that you can say whatever you want to to someone, and as long as you are being polite, they have to take it. But, no, they don't. Free speech doesn't prevent the other party from kicking you out of their house because they think you are an offensive asshole or leaving your house because they think you are an offensive asshole. It also doesn't mean a private company has to keep you on, and it also doesn't mean people can't boycott you and judge you for these beliefs, and it also doesn't mean a person can't choose to not be friends with you because they disagree with you. 

I can appreciate that Jill has some awareness now that people aren't going to agree with you always because that's true enough. But I do question exactly what this looks like in reality. Would the Dillards be as open to hearing the side of someone they militantly disagree with as they think other people should be of them? If a trans person they befriended said, "I don't want to talk about this," would they respect that or even be interested in continuing the friendship? I'm not convinced that's the case. 

 

[ginger90]

[emmawoodhouse]

She knows about Karen. 😂

[GeeGolly]

Did Jill make a "Karen" joke???????

[anna0852]

I don't know she's being coached on this stuff or not, but I'm liking Jill a little bit more every day and I really find myself rooting for her to really break away.  She just seems so much happier!

[GeeGolly]

Jill needs to be careful. She didn't truly escape a cult. She still has some very conservative beliefs. Jill is closer to being a Karen than not.

[Genevrier]

5 hours ago, Zella said:

But they are a private company--not the government. They are just as within their rights to fire him for what he says as he is within his rights to spout off whatever hateful shit he thinks. It's a two-way street. Applying it more directly to the example they give about going to someone's else home or being in their own house. I suspect Derick is a lot more confrontational online than he is in person, and his claim he would be more respectful in person has more to do with that than anything. But the vibe I get from that quote is they seem to think that you can say whatever you want to to someone, and as long as you are being polite, they have to take it. But, no, they don't. Free speech doesn't prevent the other party from kicking you out of their house because they think you are an offensive asshole or leaving your house because they think you are an offensive asshole. It also doesn't mean a private company has to keep you on, and it also doesn't mean people can't boycott you and judge you for these beliefs, and it also doesn't mean a person can't choose to not be friends with you because they disagree with you.

You’d think that by his third year in law school, Derrick would have grasped this. By my husband’s third year, or probably sooner, even I had understood that only government action can violate the constitution. And Derrick can be an idiot, but he isn’t actually stupid-he must have learned it too. So I’m not sure that’s the point he’s going for. I’m not entirely sure there even is a point. He seemed to ramble a lot throughout the video.

[emmawoodhouse]

Looks like Derick's brother and SIL are having a Down Syndrome baby. Testing has come back very conclusive. ☹️

[Zella]

4 minutes ago, Genevrier said:

You’d think that by his third year in law school, Derrick would have grasped this. By my husband’s third year, or probably sooner, even I had understood that only government action can violate the constitution. And Derrick can be an idiot, but he isn’t actually stupid-he must have learned it too. So I’m not sure that’s the point he’s going for. I’m not entirely sure there even is a point. He seemed to ramble a lot throughout the video.

Yeah I was wondering that. Not sure exactly when it dawned on me, but I know I had it down pat sometime in college because I remember being stuck listening to some dumbass complain about this at a quasi boyfriend's brother's house one summer, and I was like, "Um . . . that's not what any of that means!" I'm still scarred by that horrific social visit, and it happened several years ago. LOL 

[doodlebug]

11 minutes ago, emmawoodhouse said:

Looks like Derick's brother and SIL are having a Down Syndrome baby. Testing has come back very conclusive. ☹️

Well, God bless them and their child.  I hope they're able to meet some parents and specialist before the baby comes so they're ready to give their child all the help he or she needs.

[emmawoodhouse]

Deena is already in touch with some agencies. She has been very proactive since they found out. 

[ginger90]

The most recent test came back negative.

 

 

[emmawoodhouse]

I'm glad they got certainty. 

So Cathy will have all grandsons. I guess we'll have to wait until Derelict gets a paying job to see if they will try for more. Deena is in her mid 30s (about five years older than Dan, IIRC), so I don't know how many more she'll have. 

[doodlebug]

53 minutes ago, emmawoodhouse said:

I'm glad they got certainty. 

So Cathy will have all grandsons. I guess we'll have to wait until Derelict gets a paying job to see if they will try for more. Deena is in her mid 30s (about five years older than Dan, IIRC), so I don't know how many more she'll have. 

I'm glad the baby's chromosome study was normal, If Deena is going to be 35 or older before the baby is born, it's surprising that she didn't have the free fetal DNA test (brand name QNatal) in the first place.  The quad screen, which she mentions, has been around a couple decades and is good for screening, but it's gone out of fashion, mainly  because the mother has to be at least 16 weeks pregnant before it can be done.  There is now first trimester screening that can be done which includes an ultrasound and a blood test which can pick up babies at high risk for Down Syndrome at 10-12 weeks so the diagnostic QNatal test can be run a month sooner than when the Quad check is used to screen.

BTW, Deena makes it sound like an abnormal quad screen means there is an 80% chance that the baby has Down Syndrome.  Not true.  It's that 80% of Down Syndrome pregnancies will have an abnormal Quad screen, while 20% will have a normal test but a baby with Down.  The Quad check looks at 4 different things in the mother's bloodstream, along with her age, weight, and family history and shows which women need further screening because their risk of carrying a Down Syndrome baby is that of a woman who is 35 or older.  Women who are over 35 are recommended to just go ahead and do the diagnostic test.  The reason that age 35 was initially chosen was because that is the age when the risk of having a child with a chromosomal anomaly starts to rise more rapidly and because it is also the age where the risk of having a baby with Down Syndrome or other anomaly is about the same as the risk of miscarrying after an amnio or a chorionic villus sampling, 1 in 270.  Nowadays, almost nobody needs an amnio or CVS because the free fetal DNA test, done on a tube of the mother's blood, is over 99% accurate in detecting abnormalities with no risk of miscarriage.

I realize this is probably far more info than anyone needed, but I majored in genetics and love this stuff and can't help myself.

 

Edited October 3, 2020 by doodlebug

[PradaKitty]

“Likely hood“ ?

[awaken]

And she repeats likely hood throughout. She’s not a teacher, right?  

[SMama]

Not a teacher but I think she has an undergraduate degree.

[Zella]

She not only has a BA but she also works for a college as a grant coordinator. I normally don't judge spelling or typos within reason in social media posts, but the repetition of the error suggests she doesn't know the word, and I do find that alarming. Her degree is in poli sci and journalism, with a specialization in PR and marketing, per LinkedIn. Between that and several years of grant work, you'd think she would know how to write better. 

Edited October 3, 2020 by Zella

[ouinason]

She might have used speech to text for most of the post (it is lengthy) and just not checked it.  Google has trouble with accents sometimes.

Edited October 3, 2020 by ouinason
because text to speech and speech to text are not the same thing

[emmawoodhouse]

 

[ginger90]

 

[QuinnInND]

Just get a fucking TV like everyone else. Watching on a laptop is ridiculous. 

[xwordfanatik]

1 hour ago, QuinnInND said:

Just get a fucking TV like everyone else. Watching on a laptop is ridiculous. 

I don't get it.  TV's are so much cheaper than a laptop.  Smallish ones can be put away when not in use.  Is it that they don't want to pay for a dish or cable?  Aren't local channels still free?

[BigBingerBro]

11 minutes ago, xwordfanatik said:

Aren't local channels still free?

In my area, all that comes in without an antenna is PBS and a Christian Channel - I guess that might be perfect for them.   I'm thinking TV = the devil for some reason.

[GeeGolly]

24 minutes ago, xwordfanatik said:

I don't get it.  TV's are so much cheaper than a laptop.  Smallish ones can be put away when not in use.  Is it that they don't want to pay for a dish or cable?  Aren't local channels still free?

At least get a monitor so they don't have to sit on top of each other. With a monitor and no channels they can still control their unrighteous, sinful, TV watching, urges.

[ozziemom]

Seems like if they are always watching TV on their laptops they must not use the laptop for much else. My millennial age son doesn’t have cable or a dish for his TV but seems to watch all the things he wants to. And uses his laptop for school and or work

[Minivanessa]

Yep. I know people who don't own TVs and manage to watch all the shows they want, via their laptops/computer monitors. They aren't Duggars, or fundies. I get that JB and Meech made a big fecking deal of not having or watching TV back in the day, and it's arguably hypocritical of Duggarlings to watch TV on laptops. But, unless Jill or Derick has been carrying on lately about how they are special and better than other people because "we don't watch TV," their watching things on their laptops is no big deal IMO.

Edited October 4, 2020 by Jeeves

[iwantcookies]

1 hour ago, xwordfanatik said:

I don't get it.  TV's are so much cheaper than a laptop.  Smallish ones can be put away when not in use.  Is it that they don't want to pay for a dish or cable?  Aren't local channels still free?

Where I live free channels are pretty non existent with the antenna. I refuse to pay $50 for basic cable.

[crazy8s]

our kids, both in their 30s have tried the in home antenna square thing you put on your wall for free local channels - they are hit and miss.  in and out signals, scrambled screens, long delays. they both gave it up because it was useless.

duggars just buy a cheap tv and get a roku or amazon firestick.

 

[JoanArc]

4 hours ago, QuinnInND said:

Just get a fucking TV like everyone else. Watching on a laptop is ridiculous. 

TV now, or glasses for eye strain later. Jill, you have kids. It's OK to stick it to daddy a little bit more.

[ouinason]

they have shown that they have a tv.  However, I don't think it's internet connected, and they were watching youtube or something like that.

[emmawoodhouse]

They do not have a TV. The only ones with a TV are JinJer. 

[QuinnInND]

4 hours ago, BigBingerBro said:

In my area, all that comes in without an antenna is PBS and a Christian Channel - I guess that might be perfect for them.   I'm thinking TV = the devil for some reason.

Where my SIL lives, it's the same thing pretty much. ABC, CBS, NBC, fox PBS and about 668856698859 Mexican stations. And before anyone roasts me for that, she lives in a border town. The stations are from Mexico.  Without satellite she'd be without TV. 

Jill needs to realize there are good shows for kids on TV. She doesn't have to plop them in front of it all day. There's a thing called the off button. And another thing called managed screen time for kids. It's not hard. 

[Growsonwalls]

It's kind of a millennial thing to shun TV's and then sign up for a million streaming services and thus watch TV all day on your ipad. IDGI but there it is.

[Zella]

I'm a Millennial, but it does seem weird to me that they watch stuff on a laptop with other people. It's not weird to me when people watch something on a laptop by themselves because that's what I do all the time. My experience is purely anecdotal, but even when I'm hanging out with other Millennials (pre-pandemic) and watching movies, we would always watch them on a TV, even if our access to it was through streaming. Trying to watch stuff on one screen with multiple people would irritate the hell out of me, and I guess my friends instinctively feel the same way. 

As for what they'd get with an antenna, I don't know about the location of their specific house, but when I was in Fayetteville, I got several channels pretty clearly with an antenna. In the rural area I live in now, that antenna don't do jackshit. The only channel that comes in reliably is MeTV. I used to have CBS and PBS pretty steadily, but they've gone out too. I have not had NBC since the Sochi Olympics. At the risk of sounding like I live in a cave, I'm hoping the leaves falling will help me get better reception because I miss PBS. I have to resort to a lot of DVDs and streaming because of this, and the streaming quality can be a bit hit or miss. But I would think they'd have better access since they're basically in the suburbs. 

Edited October 5, 2020 by Zella

[Growsonwalls]

I stream stuff but have a chrome cast to stream it to my tv. I will watch some things on an iPad or whatever.  But Jill might still have the mentality that a tv is off brand. 
 

I also have Jills exact laptop and I love it but it’s not good for video at all. It overheats all the time.

[Joan of Argh]

I download a lot of shows from the torrents and then watch them wherever or however I want.

[hathorlive]

2 hours ago, Growsonwalls said:

It's kind of a millennial thing to shun TV's and then sign up for a million streaming services and thus watch TV all day on your ipad. IDGI but there it is.

Gen X'er here with a massive 65 inch TV and yet I watch TV on my desktop computer.  They are in the same room but it allows me to be able to work and type and watch/listen at the same time.  Most of the people I know who are younger don't own TVS, so I don't think Jill is too far from her peers on this topic.  She may also want to make sure that TV is not a constant in the kids lives.  It's easy to turn on a TV, it's not so easy to fire up the laptop and open the programs necessary to watch programming or live TV. 

[andromeda331]

I know lots of people who like to watch TV on their laptop and I can see why when its just one. But I still like watching it on my TV I use my laptop for writing stories and other things so its hardly useful for me. 

[Jynnan tonnix]

I watch TV 95% on my laptop as well. We have a fairly large TV in the living room, Mr Jyn is in the process of putting one up in the "porch" (the 3-season room we added about 5 years ago, which rather took on a life of its own, has a nice, big gas fireplace, and is, in fact, probably the nicest room in the house), and there is another one by the treadmill in the basement. But the only place I really watch is up in the bedroom on the laptop, and the vast majority of that is not really TV watching but podcasts and such. Occasionally I will discover a show and binge-watch it through, but that only really happens maybe three times a year. So I have little clue as to what's really on TV these days. I guess I've just gotten used to having the picture much closer than I would with a regular TV, which, since I'm rather nearsighted, just works more comfortably for me.

I do think that the TV would be better for the kids' eyes, though, not to mention that with a laptop, there is generally only a very specific angle at which the picture doesn't start looking too dark or etc, so it does seem a little odd that they would continue to watch that way as a family.

[BigBingerBro]

Regarding the Dillards and watching TV on the laptop - at least they are doing something together as a family.  It seems like with all our devices these days, many people can escape and isolate so they can consume their preferrred content.  Gone are the days of the family in front of the TV, arguing about what to watch, who is going to sit where, is the volume to low? - etc.  As much as that scene was a pain, the family was together.  I just hope we don't lose that completely.

[floridamom]

They just need to own up to it and go out and just buy a TV already. I agree that the lap top is not good for any of their eyes, especially the boys.

[JoanArc]

22 hours ago, ouinason said:

they have shown that they have a tv.  However, I don't think it's internet connected, and they were watching youtube or something like that.

Joy has a TV.

[Angeltoes]

On 10/4/2020 at 3:47 PM, BigBingerBro said:

I'm thinking TV = the devil for some reason.

Jim-Bob sure had no problem letting TV support this platoon of grifters for the last several years. 

Edited October 5, 2020 by Angeltoes

[crazy8s]

15 minutes ago, Angeltoes said:

Jim-Bob sure have no problem letting TV support this platoon of grifters for the last several years. 

but that was/is  a "ministry"