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In Memoriam: Entertainment Industry Celebrity Deaths

Kromm

By Kromm
in Everything Else TV

Mr. Sparkle
Message added by Mr. Sparkle,

Reminder:

This thread is for deaths of celebrities in the entertainment business only. No notices about politicians, please. 

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Bastet
Bastet

Piss up a rope, Val Kilmer.  If your physical illness got so bad that your life utterly sucked and no end to that suffering was in sight, so that suicide was or seemed to be the best of the available

wilsie
wilsie
BetterButter
BetterButter

Olivia Newton-John Has Died At 73

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janie jones

janie jones

1 hour ago, BW Manilowe said:

Someone upthread brought up how Eric Ripert must be feeling, having been the 1 to discover his friend & colleague's lifeless body. Having been put in a similar position (luckily I found the person--my co-worker in my dad's office, who decided to do this in the office while we were the only 2 there--while they were still alive), I can tell you it's not fun, which I suppose goes without saying, & I don't wanna go through that kind of thing ever again.

I also have to say that, rightfully or not, I was really angry at her for knowing me like I thought she did (she worked for my dad for years before I started & was like family, or close to it) & still leaving me to be the person who found her (luckily still alive). Again rightfully or not, I was still really pissed at her over it for awhile after she came back to work.

I'm sorry that happened to you.  I heard it had happened in a hotel room, and I assumed he chose that place so he would be found by a stranger.  I didn't realize a friend had found him.

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TVFan17

TVFan17

(edited)
5 hours ago, merylinkid said:

I don't think we can solve the "is suicide selfish?" debate.    However, we can say "fuck depression."    It really messes with your head so that you think ending your life is the best solution.

The suicide hotline is being posted all over twitter now.   (it is periodically but this like EVERYONE posting it), one person posted "WHen I was in that dark place there was no way I would have called a number.   If someone hadn't reached out who knows what would have happened."   Paraphrasing a bit.   

We want answers.   We want to know WHY.   We don't always get that.   Good grief Bourdain was filming a NEW EPISODE when he decided this was it.   If when things are looking good and someone STILL decides we can never understand that thought process.   

Just do your best folks.   

I agree with your whole post.

Regarding the bold section above -- I was just reading an article with a quote about that, from an anonymous source:

"If there was one thing that was always his saving grace, it was his ability to throw himself into his work — he was never happier than when he was on some adventure or in the middle of a project, so it’s so bizarre to me, and I’m sure to many people who knew him, that of all the times, this happened when he was doing what he loved and with people he loves,” continues the source.

Full article is here -- https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/anthony-bourdain-apos-dark-side-154046894.html

So, knowing how Anthony felt about his job and his work must make this all so much more gut-wrenching, frustrating and confusing to people who knew and loved him, I would guess.    The fact that he took his own life at all is scarring and devastating enough for those around him.  But the fact that he decided to do it when he was still in the middle of working on an episode of his show -- he didn't even complete the episode first, if I understood correctly -- is going to leave them with questions upon questions upon questions, on top of unyielding pain and sorrow.  And it will leave some of them (including the people working with him) with a lot of anger too.  It is unavoidable.

 

2 hours ago, WarnerCL45 said:

I think the media has to take the coverage down a notch.  He’s not Martin Luther King or JFK or Bobby Kennedy.

 

It seems weird to say that I am "enjoying" the coverage, because "enjoy" implies that I am watching something that is non-serious and entertaining in some way, but I will say that I have appreciated all of the coverage I've watched.  I never keep CNN on TV for blocks of time unless there is some sort of huge story in the news, or coverage of someone I like who passes away, but I turned to CNN yesterday and did not change the channel for several hours.    I like to hear what different people say about the ones who died.  I like to hear the close friends, colleagues and  passing acquaintances talk about their interactions with them.   I like to hear the amusing anecdotes and also the theories on what could have led up to the deaths.   I like to learn little previously unknown facts and details about people that have passed.

CNN had a good roster of guests and hosts talking about Anthony.     Some of them were clearly emotional and were still trying to process what happened.


 

Edited by TVFan17
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BW Manilowe

BW Manilowe

50 minutes ago, janie jones said:

I'm sorry that happened to you.  I heard it had happened in a hotel room, and I assumed he chose that place so he would be found by a stranger.  I didn't realize a friend had found him.

At least when I went through it, instead of trying to hang herself the other person involved attempted to OD on pills--which were part of a prescription in my mom's name at the pharmacy in the building (I'd ask for the refills on the way in the building when my mom needed them, then either the other lady or I would pick them up before I went home; she got them under the guise of picking them up for my mom, who didn't need them at the time, without us even knowing about it until afterwards).

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blueray

blueray

2 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

CNN had a very touching coverage of the death of Anthony Bourdain last night, including interviews with his friends and colleagues.  They showed a lot of clips and really paid tribute to the man.  I found Anderson Cooper to be especially emotional.  (Anderson lost his brother to suicide almost 30 years ago and says he still can't give a reason.) He was no doubt loved and respected by his colleagues there.  It gave me a lot to reflect upon.  In those clips, he seemed so vital, so wise,.......it's just difficult to process. 

I watched this yesterday. I was in tears, especially the part when Anderson couldn't even finish his sentence.  It really showed how much his co-workers a the network liked him.  And how many people he touched.

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cynicat

cynicat

11 minutes ago, blueray said:

I watched this yesterday. I was in tears, especially the part when Anderson couldn't even finish his sentence.  It really showed how much his co-workers a the network liked him.  And how many people he touched.

Don Lemon was either crying a lot or totally stoned--his eyes were very red.  I'm guessing it's the first.  Lots of people really broken up at CNN.

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DollEyes

DollEyes

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(edited)

  Devastating doesn't even begin to describe the deaths of Kate Spade & Anthony Bourdain nor the circumstances behind them. Mental illness in general and suicide in particular doesn't care about age, race, gender, sexuality nor social status. Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain showed that there is beauty in even the simplest things, whether it's a purse or a bowl of noodles. Their deaths also devastated their friends and families, especially their children, who are going to need all the help their can get-and IMO, sanctimonious virtue-signaling isn't helping, so Val Kilmer can have all the seats, as far as I'm concerned. That Spade and Bourdain were in so much pain that not even their children could convince them to live shows just how insidious mental illness is. 

 

  As tragic as Kate Spade's death is, Bourdain's death hit me harder because while I've never owned a Kate Spade bag, I eat. Food was both a catalyst and a metaphor for Bourdain. Every meal tells a story, as do the people who make them. Curried goat, oxtails, rice, collard greens & mac & cheese could lead to a conversation about the gentrification of the Bronx.  Bourdain's shows had so many great moments, whether he was eating with celebrities, teaching a class at the Bronx Academy Of Letters, "teaching" (aka torturing) his best friend Eric Ripert about the virtues of Sichuan Chinese food or having a bowl of noodles and beer with Former President Obama:

 

Bourdain & Obama

 

Bourdain reminds me of the coolest uncle in practically everyone's family, who only visits a few times a year but everyone, especially the kids, looked forward to seeing him. He brought crazy gifts with him, but chances are  great stories came with them & the weirder, the better.  Anthony Bourdain made me laugh, he made me cry & sometimes even made me mad,but he always made me think & he was never, ever boring.

 

RIP, Kate & Anthony. Because of you, the world is, to paraphrase the latter, "Just a little bit smarter. And prettier."

Edited by DollEyes
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BW Manilowe

BW Manilowe

8 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

CNN had a very touching coverage of the death of Anthony Bourdain last night, including interviews with his friends and colleagues.  They showed a lot of clips and really paid tribute to the man.  I found Anderson Cooper to be especially emotional.  (Anderson lost his brother to suicide almost 30 years ago and says he still can't give a reason.) He was no doubt loved and respected by his colleagues there.  It gave me a lot to reflect upon.  In those clips, he seemed so vital, so wise,.......it's just difficult to process. 

According to a post elsewhere in the thread, linking to a listing of where all of the TV tributes to Anthony Bourdain will air, at least for the rest of the weekend, it appears the CNN tribute you watched last night--if it was on at 10PM Eastern--will air again tomorrow night, I think at 10PM Eastern (again), after this week's new episode of Parts Unknown.

For anyone who missed it, here is most, if not all, of Anderson Cooper's tribute to Anthony Bourdain. It runs around 12 minutes & change (I think it said) & starts where Anderson starts talking about Bourdain & shows a good bunch of clips of Anderson & Bourdain, like, hanging out in various places (but mostly in Anderson's apartment), where they would at least sorta talk about shows Bourdain had recently done & then do some kind of cooking based on somewhere Bourdain had recently filmed. Then Bourdain would try to get Anderson--a notoriously picky eater--to try the dish. If he was successful, then he'd tell Anderson there was some unusual ingredient in the dish which would've kept Anderson from eating it if he knew about it beforehand. The segment ends after those, with Anderson saying guests will join him to talk about Bourdain after the commercials.

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Sharonana

Sharonana

I cannot believe some of the mean, cruel and insensitive comments that I have been reading on other parts of the internet. A brilliant light has been extinguished, yet there are some that have absolutely not one ounce of empathy, sympathy or compassion for this man. It's incredibly unbelievable! I don't understand minds that work like that.

I don't know why I am so completely heartbroken about his death. I find myself getting teary eyed and feeling so awful for his family and friends. I've been in a funk for quite some time and this may be selfish and so totally weird, but I think his death has helped me to realize that I need to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get on with it. Life waits for no one. Maybe it will help others to reach out and not feel so alone.

There is going to be a big feast in the sky for all who join Anthony at his table.

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TVFan17

TVFan17

(edited)

I also wonder about the whole crew and staff who worked on Parts Unknown.    The whole series revolved around Anthony.  It was Anthony's show -- not a series that Anthony stepped into after someone else left.    Now that he is gone, what happens to everyone who worked on it?   Are they each out of a job?

While I feel absolutely terrible that Anthony was so lost and distraught that he decided it was somehow better or easier to just use a bathrobe tie/belt and take his own life, I also feel terrible for everyone who is directly impacted by this death -- including his daughter, his ex-wife (daughter's mom), his mother, his best friend (Eric Ripert), his staff/crew and, of course, his girlfriend (Asia), among others.  

Edited by TVFan17
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SunnyBeBe

SunnyBeBe

2 hours ago, Sharonana said:

I cannot believe some of the mean, cruel and insensitive comments that I have been reading on other parts of the internet. A brilliant light has been extinguished, yet there are some that have absolutely not one ounce of empathy, sympathy or compassion for this man. It's incredibly unbelievable! I don't understand minds that work like that.

I don't know why I am so completely heartbroken about his death. I find myself getting teary eyed and feeling so awful for his family and friends. I've been in a funk for quite some time and this may be selfish and so totally weird, but I think his death has helped me to realize that I need to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get on with it. Life waits for no one. Maybe it will help others to reach out and not feel so alone.

There is going to be a big feast in the sky for all who join Anthony at his table.

I don't understand that cold world either.  I find comfort though in the love, caring and warmth of those who share my grief.  If we as people can learn and recover, maybe, it can help others.  We can't know others fully. Tony's death, makes me want to reach out a little more and hug a lot tighter.  It brings to mind a certain song by REM called Everybody Hurts. I've always found solace and encouragement from that song. Warning it is very emotional.

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Sharonana

Sharonana

@TVFan17 yes absolutely I feel for all those impacted by his death. It's devastating for all concerned, especially that little girl he left behind. She's going to need so much love and support in the years to come. Suicide leaves everyone wondering why.  

 

@SunnyBeBe it is somehow a comfort being able to commiserate with others. My friends didn't watch him so they don't understand how a complete stranger could feel such sadness about a TV celebrity.  Hell I don't understand it myself. It is what it is and that is a great song!

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Annber03

Annber03

(edited)
14 hours ago, Sharonana said:

I cannot believe some of the mean, cruel and insensitive comments that I have been reading on other parts of the internet. A brilliant light has been extinguished, yet there are some that have absolutely not one ounce of empathy, sympathy or compassion for this man. It's incredibly unbelievable! I don't understand minds that work like that.

Those comments drive me nuts, too. Whether they think they're being "cute" or "clever" or "edgy" by trolling with their "Who cares?" types of comments, or whether they're sincerely that assholish, either way, they need to shove off. If you (general "you") aren't upset about somebody's death, fine, but you don't need to horn in and be obnoxious around those who are. Shut up and go read about something else of interest to you instead, then, and quit acting like you're too cool for this kind of stuff. 

@SunnyBeBe, that video makes me tear up every single time I see it. I love both that video and that song. 

Edited by Annber03
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stonehaven

stonehaven

I never was a huge fan of Bourdain or other big celebs. I feel the loss and move on but I will say I have empathy for those that are gutted by the loss...John Denver's sudden death via plane crash was devastating to me..still is...and I wouldn't wish that kind of loss on any other fan.

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shapeshifter

shapeshifter

1 hour ago, Annber03 said:
10 hours ago, Sharonana said:

I cannot believe some of the mean, cruel and insensitive comments that I have been reading on other parts of the internet. A brilliant light has been extinguished, yet there are some that have absolutely not one ounce of empathy, sympathy or compassion for this man. It's incredibly unbelievable! I don't understand minds that work like that.

Those comments drive me nuts, too. Whether they think they're being "cute" or "clever" or "edgy" by trolling with their "Who cares?" types of comments, or whether they're sincerely that assholish, either way, they need to shove off. If you (general "you") aren't upset about somebody's death, fine, but you don't need to horn in and be obnoxious around those who are. Shut up and go read about something else of interest to you instead, then, and quit acting like you're too cool for this kind of stuff

It helps me to imagine that the trolls are lashing out because they, themselves, are hurting and perhaps seeing people expressing care and love for "strangers" is how the trolls see their own families. I also figure the trolls families have given up on showing love towards the trolls because the trolls are always so cranky and ungrateful in response. So, here's a hug for any lonely troll: (((((())))))

 

And now back to sharing loss with others who feel the same, which can be comforting.

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Blergh

Blergh

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Even though this thread is about famous folks' passings, I guess it can't hurt to bring up some good news:

 

 On Friday, June 15- Stephen Hawking's ashes will be interred in Westminster Abbey- between the remains of Charles Darwin and Sir Isaac Newton! 

 

 I mean, who wouldn't like to be a wall fly hearing all the convos one might imagine those three having from now on?

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GaT

GaT

9 minutes ago, Blergh said:

 On Friday, June 15- Stephen Hawking's ashes will be interred in Westminster Abbey- between the remains of Charles Darwin and Sir Isaac Newton! 

 

After years of admiring Stephen Hawking, I am still astounded that until a few months ago, I had NO idea the man was British! All these years I thought he was American. The only time I heard him speak was through a machine, so no accent & I never saw the movie about him or read any biography, I just had no idea.

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Petunia13

Petunia13

I think a lot of people who reply with indifference to Bourdain's death maybe people he rubbed the wrong way with some of his comments. He was a controversial fella. 

I am sad at his passing but I can see why someone might be like meh. 

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Annber03

Annber03

(edited)

I have no problem with people personally not being as affected by his death, or that of other celebrities, if they aren't personally a fan. Regarding Bourdain, I'm shocked by his death just 'cause I've obviously heard his name so much over the years, and suicides in general are heartbreaking in and of themselves. But I didn't follow his career personally, and I'm not a foodie sort, so it's not hitting me the way it's hitting those who were fans. But I remember how I felt when celebrities I was a fan of died, so I can sympathize with Bourdain's fans on that level. 

I just think, if one isn't a fan, it doesn't hurt to still be respectful of those who are fans and mourning, is all. I don't see what going around mocking the celebrity (presuming they weren't an abuser or rapist or something horrible of that sort, that is-in that case, I can understand a negative response), or the sadness the fans are feeling, achieves, other than just showing how obnoxious the person doing the mocking is. Let the fans grieve as they wish, and for those who genuinely don't care one way or another, then let it be at that.

(All of the above referring to people in a general sense, as usual.)

Edited by Annber03
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Irlandesa

Irlandesa

44 minutes ago, Petunia13 said:

I think a lot of people who reply with indifference to Bourdain's death maybe people he rubbed the wrong way with some of his comments. He was a controversial fella. 

I don't think it' specific to Bourdain.  Whenever there's a celeb death people mourn, there are others on Twitter or elsewhere trying to tell them why they shouldn't or mocking them for caring. 

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Bastet

Bastet

23 minutes ago, Annber03 said:

I just think, if one isn't a fan, it doesn't hurt to still be respectful of those who are fans and mourning, is all. I don't see what going around mocking the celebrity (presuming they weren't an abuser or rapist or something horrible of that sort, that is-in that case, I can understand a negative response), or the sadness the fans are feeling, achieves, other than just showing how obnoxious the person doing the mocking is. Let the fans grieve as they wish, and for those who genuinely don't care one way or another, then let it be at that.

I agree.  Last year, I was in a bad mood intermittently for a month because my favorite TV character died.  If I can get that worked up (something that surprised the hell out of me) over the death of a fictional character, I am in no position to judge someone having a strong reaction to a real person's death just because they didn't know her or him personally.  I wouldn't have anyway; when Myrna Loy and then Katharine Hepburn died, I was genuinely sad.  Shed tears upon hearing the news, pulled out tapes (this was a while ago, after all) and books to revisit their work, thought about them in the days to come, etc.  There are other artists whom, like with those two, I like their work and even more so like what I know of them as people, having things they've said and done really resonate with me, and I thus know I'll also have more than the, "That's too bad" reaction to their deaths. 

I've never had as extreme a reaction as some people have had, and maybe I never will, but it doesn't matter -- people, their work, words, and actions, can touch us deeply without us knowing them personally.  We can thus mourn their loss.  There's no point in looking down on that, but whatever; it's just really tacky to dismiss it to their face (or "face" when it's happening online).

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Petunia13

Petunia13

@Irlandesa I'm speaking of specific people I know - not generalizing or guessing but was trying convey it delicately. He's said all vegans should be wiped out myriad times, never reproduce, he told one of my friends if she didn't quit bitching about animal rights he'd go outside and shoot a dog right hen and there... this is why some people are saying ??‍♂️ I don't necessarily agree but trying to answer query. 

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ratgirlagogo

ratgirlagogo

28 minutes ago, Petunia13 said:

 He's said all vegans should be wiped out myriad times, never reproduce, he told one of my friends if she didn't quit bitching about animal rights he'd go outside and shoot a dog right hen and there... 

I suppose because I am an old punk myself this both amused and annoyed me about him, because reflexive contrarianism of that kind -  baby, that IS punk rock.   If FUCK VEGANS had been the main dish of what he did, I would have continued to regard him with an annoyed snort and a  big eyeroll.  What he ended up doing though, was very impressive.  He could have just coasted along Being His Brand and instead he decided he was going to take the opportunity to do some serious cultural anthropology in TV form - not just the groovy third worldy kind, but the domestic kind as well.  LIke when he championed Marilyn Hagerty.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jun/09/anthony-bourdain-olive-garden-marilyn-hagerty

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TVFan17

TVFan17

(edited)

Anthony was known for being sort of the equivalent of a 'shock jock' of the food and travel world, I think.     Much like Howard Stern used to be in earlier days (before he softened up quite a bit and started becoming friends with people he  previously mocked and slammed), Anthony said many outrageous things too (I highly doubt that he meant a lot of them) and then calmed down a bit over time.   

Although I really liked Anthony as a TV personality and hate that he is gone, I often felt that Anthony was too critical and hard on a few of the Food Network personalities, and it was clear that he had no respect for them at all.      I think it is no accident that certain well-known personalities in the food world have been quiet since Anthony died and not expressed any sadness or comments whatsoever -- he was probably hypercritical of them at one point and they have not forgotten.  

 

One of his targets, Sandra Lee, did speak out, though, on her Instagram page:


"He was a gifted, smart, articulate man and even though he could be incredibly critical, especially of me, somehow that was part of his charm. The food entertainment business is a family and every member has their place with a unique personality, we all have a voice within our family and we always stick together. That does not mean we alway [sic] agree or get along but we all truly love and adore one another no matter what. I am so very sad. The Food and Entertainment family has lost their bad boy and he will be greatly missed."

 

Travel host Samantha Brown is someone who was a frequent focus of Anthony's disparaging comments when they were both working for the Travel Channel.  Her bubbly, sunny personality was everything that he hated at that time, I think.  However, she has since spoken about the time when she was asked to appear in a Christmas special he did, kind of poking fun at herself, and being the good sport she was, she did it.  She talked to him during some down time, and it seems that he was a different person.   She saw a different side of him.   He was nice to her!

https://www.travelandleisure.com/travel-news/samantha-brown-remembers-anthony-bourdain

 

I like this interview Anthony did with Willie Geist, where he ponders the pumpkin spice craze and talks about how President Obama might not want to "piss off all the ketchup people" when discussing proper condiments on hot dogs.  Anthony also talks about how he is not "going full Geraldo out there... poking my head up over a foxhole..." when he is out in remote, dangerous places for his show.    He was such a quick, witty guy...

https://www.today.com/video/how-anthony-bourdain-went-from-dunking-french-fries-to-becoming-a-world-renowned-chef-1033608259972

Edited by TVFan17
typo and correction!
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Mittengirl

Mittengirl

Frankly, my opinion of Tony Bourdain is that he was a pretentious ass.  Having said that, of course I feel bad for those that knew and cared for him, as I do for anyone experiencing a loss.  I think part of the “backlash” you see when people dismiss  those who are expressing grief over the passing of a famous person is a reaction, in part, to the media hyperbole.  I saw a headline today that “The world is reeling” over Bourdain’s death.  Given that a large percentage of people in the world have no idea who he was, add in those who knew who he was but don’t have strong feelings about his death, and the idea that the world is reeling is absurd.   But that is typical of the media -  a celebrity’s death is always “tragic” and “devastating”.  According to Google, about 150,000 people die everyday worldwide, but the national media would have you believe that only Bourdain’s death mattered.

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Sharonana

Sharonana

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(edited)

I found this on another forum I frequent. So insightful and explains depression in a way that may be easier to understand. The author is anonymous.

 

Now Anthony Bourdain.

 

When you have depression it’s like it snows every day.

Some days it’s only a couple of inches. It’s a pain in the a**, but you still make it to work, the grocery store. Sure, maybe you skip the gym or your friend’s birthday party, but it IS still snowing and who knows how bad it might get tonight. Probably better to just head home. Your friend notices, but probably just thinks you are flaky now, or kind of an *******.

 

Some days it snows a foot. You spend an hour shoveling out your driveway and are late to work. Your back and hands hurt from shoveling. You leave early because it’s really coming down out there. Your boss notices.

 

Some days it snows four feet. You shovel all morning but your street never gets plowed. You are not making it to work, or anywhere else for that matter. You are so sore and tired you just get back in the bed. By the time you wake up, all your shoveling has filled back in with snow. Looks like your phone rang; people are wondering where you are. You don’t feel like calling them back, too tired from all the shoveling. Plus they don’t get this much snow at their house so they don’t understand why you’re still stuck at home. They just think you’re lazy or weak, although they rarely come out and say it.

 

Some weeks it’s a full-blown blizzard. When you open your door, it’s to a wall of snow. The power flickers, then goes out. It’s too cold to sit in the living room anymore, so you get back into bed with all your clothes on. The stove and microwave won’t work so you eat a cold Pop Tart and call that dinner. You haven’t taken a shower in three days, but how could you at this point? You’re too cold to do anything except sleep.

 

Sometimes people get snowed in for the winter. The cold seeps in. No communication in or out. The food runs out. What can you even do, tunnel out of a forty foot snow bank with your hands? How far away is help? Can you even get there in a blizzard? If you do, can they even help you at this point? Maybe it’s death to stay here, but it’s death to go out there too.

 

The thing is, when it snows all the time, you get worn all the way down. You get tired of being cold. You get tired of hurting all the time from shoveling, but if you don’t shovel on the light days, it builds up to something unmanageable on the heavy days. You resent the hell out of the snow, but it doesn’t care, it’s just a blind chemistry, an act of nature. It carries on regardless, unconcerned and unaware if it buries you or the whole world.

 

Also, the snow builds up in other areas, places you can’t shovel, sometimes places you can’t even see. Maybe it’s on the roof. Maybe it’s on the mountain behind the house. Sometimes, there’s an avalanche that blows the house right off its foundation and takes you with it. A veritable Act of God, nothing can be done. The neighbors say it’s a shame and they can’t understand it; he was doing so well with his shoveling.

-

I don’t know how it went down for Anthony Bourdain or Kate Spade. It seems like they got hit by the avalanche, but it could’ve been the long, slow winter. Maybe they were keeping up with their shoveling. Maybe they weren’t. Sometimes, shoveling isn’t enough anyway. It’s hard to tell from the outside, but it’s important to understand what it’s like from the inside.
 

I firmly believe that understanding and compassion have to be the base of effective action. It’s important to understand what depression is, how it feels, what it’s like to live with it, so you can help people both on an individual basis and a policy basis. I’m not putting heavy ****** out here to make your Friday morning suck. I know it feels gross to read it, and realistically it can be unpleasant to be around it, that’s why people pull away.

 

I don’t have a message for people with depression like “keep shoveling”. It’s asinine. Of course you’re going to keep shoveling the best you can, until you physically can’t, because who wants to freeze to death inside their own house? We know what the stakes are. My message is to everyone else. Grab a ******ing shovel and help your neighbor. Slap a mini snow plow on the front of your truck and plow your neighborhood. Petition the city council to buy more salt trucks, so to speak.

 

Depression is blind chemistry and physics, like snow. And like the weather, it is a mindless process, powerful and unpredictable with great potential for harm. But like climate change, that doesn’t mean we are helpless. If we want to stop losing so many people to this disease, it will require action at every level.

Edited by Sharonana
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Browncoat

Browncoat

11 minutes ago, Sharonana said:

My message is to everyone else. Grab a ******ing shovel and help your neighbor. Slap a mini snow plow on the front of your truck and plow your neighborhood. Petition the city council to buy more salt trucks, so to speak.

 

Please do!  Often, and with me, depression kept me from asking for help for the most part, and my facade was good enough that no one realized how bad it was, or they dismissed it (and worst of all, told me to smile.  Don't ever do that.)  Mostly I just wanted someone to notice that something was wrong and ask me about it, and no one did.  Suicide hotlines are great, and I'm sure they help a lot of folks, but, at least in my case, I truly believed no one would care enough to listen or help.  Not friends, and certainly not strangers.

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Enigma X

Enigma X

27 minutes ago, Sharonana said:

I found this on another forum I frequent. So insightful and explains depression that may be easier to understand. The author is anonymous.

 

Now Anthony Bourdain.

 

When you have depression it’s like it snows every day.

Some days it’s only a couple of inches. It’s a pain in the a**, but you still make it to work, the grocery store. Sure, maybe you skip the gym or your friend’s birthday party, but it IS still snowing and who knows how bad it might get tonight. Probably better to just head home. Your friend notices, but probably just thinks you are flaky now, or kind of an *******.

 

Some days it snows a foot. You spend an hour shoveling out your driveway and are late to work. Your back and hands hurt from shoveling. You leave early because it’s really coming down out there. Your boss notices.

 

Some days it snows four feet. You shovel all morning but your street never gets plowed. You are not making it to work, or anywhere else for that matter. You are so sore and tired you just get back in the bed. By the time you wake up, all your shoveling has filled back in with snow. Looks like your phone rang; people are wondering where you are. You don’t feel like calling them back, too tired from all the shoveling. Plus they don’t get this much snow at their house so they don’t understand why you’re still stuck at home. They just think you’re lazy or weak, although they rarely come out and say it.

 

Some weeks it’s a full-blown blizzard. When you open your door, it’s to a wall of snow. The power flickers, then goes out. It’s too cold to sit in the living room anymore, so you get back into bed with all your clothes on. The stove and microwave won’t work so you eat a cold Pop Tart and call that dinner. You haven’t taken a shower in three days, but how could you at this point? You’re too cold to do anything except sleep.

 

Sometimes people get snowed in for the winter. The cold seeps in. No communication in or out. The food runs out. What can you even do, tunnel out of a forty foot snow bank with your hands? How far away is help? Can you even get there in a blizzard? If you do, can they even help you at this point? Maybe it’s death to stay here, but it’s death to go out there too.

 

The thing is, when it snows all the time, you get worn all the way down. You get tired of being cold. You get tired of hurting all the time from shoveling, but if you don’t shovel on the light days, it builds up to something unmanageable on the heavy days. You resent the hell out of the snow, but it doesn’t care, it’s just a blind chemistry, an act of nature. It carries on regardless, unconcerned and unaware if it buries you or the whole world.

 

Also, the snow builds up in other areas, places you can’t shovel, sometimes places you can’t even see. Maybe it’s on the roof. Maybe it’s on the mountain behind the house. Sometimes, there’s an avalanche that blows the house right off its foundation and takes you with it. A veritable Act of God, nothing can be done. The neighbors say it’s a shame and they can’t understand it; he was doing so well with his shoveling.

-

I don’t know how it went down for Anthony Bourdain or Kate Spade. It seems like they got hit by the avalanche, but it could’ve been the long, slow winter. Maybe they were keeping up with their shoveling. Maybe they weren’t. Sometimes, shoveling isn’t enough anyway. It’s hard to tell from the outside, but it’s important to understand what it’s like from the inside.
 

I firmly believe that understanding and compassion have to be the base of effective action. It’s important to understand what depression is, how it feels, what it’s like to live with it, so you can help people both on an individual basis and a policy basis. I’m not putting heavy ****** out here to make your Friday morning suck. I know it feels gross to read it, and realistically it can be unpleasant to be around it, that’s why people pull away.

 

I don’t have a message for people with depression like “keep shoveling”. It’s asinine. Of course you’re going to keep shoveling the best you can, until you physically can’t, because who wants to freeze to death inside their own house? We know what the stakes are. My message is to everyone else. Grab a ******ing shovel and help your neighbor. Slap a mini snow plow on the front of your truck and plow your neighborhood. Petition the city council to buy more salt trucks, so to speak.

 

Depression is blind chemistry and physics, like snow. And like the weather, it is a mindless process, powerful and unpredictable with great potential for harm. But like climate change, that doesn’t mean we are helpless. If we want to stop losing so many people to this disease, it will require action at every level.

This one of the more accurate descriptions of depression that I have ever read/heard.

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andromeda331

andromeda331

41 minutes ago, Sharonana said:

I found this on another forum I frequent. So insightful and explains depression that may be easier to understand. The author is anonymous.

 

Now Anthony Bourdain.

 

When you have depression it’s like it snows every day.

Some days it’s only a couple of inches. It’s a pain in the a**, but you still make it to work, the grocery store. Sure, maybe you skip the gym or your friend’s birthday party, but it IS still snowing and who knows how bad it might get tonight. Probably better to just head home. Your friend notices, but probably just thinks you are flaky now, or kind of an *******.

 

Some days it snows a foot. You spend an hour shoveling out your driveway and are late to work. Your back and hands hurt from shoveling. You leave early because it’s really coming down out there. Your boss notices.

 

Some days it snows four feet. You shovel all morning but your street never gets plowed. You are not making it to work, or anywhere else for that matter. You are so sore and tired you just get back in the bed. By the time you wake up, all your shoveling has filled back in with snow. Looks like your phone rang; people are wondering where you are. You don’t feel like calling them back, too tired from all the shoveling. Plus they don’t get this much snow at their house so they don’t understand why you’re still stuck at home. They just think you’re lazy or weak, although they rarely come out and say it.

 

Some weeks it’s a full-blown blizzard. When you open your door, it’s to a wall of snow. The power flickers, then goes out. It’s too cold to sit in the living room anymore, so you get back into bed with all your clothes on. The stove and microwave won’t work so you eat a cold Pop Tart and call that dinner. You haven’t taken a shower in three days, but how could you at this point? You’re too cold to do anything except sleep.

 

Sometimes people get snowed in for the winter. The cold seeps in. No communication in or out. The food runs out. What can you even do, tunnel out of a forty foot snow bank with your hands? How far away is help? Can you even get there in a blizzard? If you do, can they even help you at this point? Maybe it’s death to stay here, but it’s death to go out there too.

 

The thing is, when it snows all the time, you get worn all the way down. You get tired of being cold. You get tired of hurting all the time from shoveling, but if you don’t shovel on the light days, it builds up to something unmanageable on the heavy days. You resent the hell out of the snow, but it doesn’t care, it’s just a blind chemistry, an act of nature. It carries on regardless, unconcerned and unaware if it buries you or the whole world.

 

Also, the snow builds up in other areas, places you can’t shovel, sometimes places you can’t even see. Maybe it’s on the roof. Maybe it’s on the mountain behind the house. Sometimes, there’s an avalanche that blows the house right off its foundation and takes you with it. A veritable Act of God, nothing can be done. The neighbors say it’s a shame and they can’t understand it; he was doing so well with his shoveling.

-

I don’t know how it went down for Anthony Bourdain or Kate Spade. It seems like they got hit by the avalanche, but it could’ve been the long, slow winter. Maybe they were keeping up with their shoveling. Maybe they weren’t. Sometimes, shoveling isn’t enough anyway. It’s hard to tell from the outside, but it’s important to understand what it’s like from the inside.
 

I firmly believe that understanding and compassion have to be the base of effective action. It’s important to understand what depression is, how it feels, what it’s like to live with it, so you can help people both on an individual basis and a policy basis. I’m not putting heavy ****** out here to make your Friday morning suck. I know it feels gross to read it, and realistically it can be unpleasant to be around it, that’s why people pull away.

 

I don’t have a message for people with depression like “keep shoveling”. It’s asinine. Of course you’re going to keep shoveling the best you can, until you physically can’t, because who wants to freeze to death inside their own house? We know what the stakes are. My message is to everyone else. Grab a ******ing shovel and help your neighbor. Slap a mini snow plow on the front of your truck and plow your neighborhood. Petition the city council to buy more salt trucks, so to speak.

 

Depression is blind chemistry and physics, like snow. And like the weather, it is a mindless process, powerful and unpredictable with great potential for harm. But like climate change, that doesn’t mean we are helpless. If we want to stop losing so many people to this disease, it will require action at every level.

Very well said.

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Bastet

Bastet

3 hours ago, Enigma X said:

This one of the more accurate descriptions of depression that I have ever read/heard.

Same here.  Between that and Wil Wheaton's lead blanket analogy ("One of the many delightful things about having Depression and Anxiety is occasionally and unexpectedly feeling like the whole goddamn world is a heavy lead blanket, like that thing they put on your chest at the dentist when you get x-rays, and it’s been dropped around your entire existence without your consent"), I've been nodding my head all over the place the past few days.

Allie Brosh, of the fantastic blog and then book Hyperbole and a Half, wrote years ago about depression in a way that also may help those seeking to understand what it can feel like: Adventures in Depression and Part Two

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