Still a virgin, still single, still unemployed (I got three interviews for a job recently but didn't get it--and there was a few months before that where I wasn't even getting any responses at all), still living at home and hoping that my luck will finally change someday.
I know I shouldn't, but I feel so guilty sometimes. Why couldn't I be more normal (whatever that means) and be more able to date earlier on and deal with job stuff better? Don't get me wrong, I know I can't change my past, but at 30 (and I feel selfish knowing that others even older than me are in similar spots, and yet here I am ranting about myself--I apologize for that), it feels so hard to be in this kind of situation. Only one boyfriend briefly when I was 24-25, that was mostly long distance, who I didn't sleep with the first chance I had, in part because I wasn't on the pill yet (although he had condoms, thank God), and partly because I was nervous. And yet I'll look up posts about this topic elsewhere (not here) and I'll see all these guys who talk about what a deal breaker a situation like mine is, how emotionally stunted a woman my age must be (and sometimes I DO feel that way, a little), or the automatic assumption that a woman like must be gay or asexual--both of which are obviously perfectly fine, but I know for sure aren't true for me. (And I know that guys at my age like this can get even MORE crap, too, so I don't want to minimize that, either.)
I just needed to vent a little. Like I said here a few months ago, I really DID feel better after I posted here about this, and I have Rebecca Traister's book All the Single Ladies now too, which is amazing and talks some about this issue, but I've had a very difficult week and I needed to say something here again. 😢
I know I'll probably be fine again soon, but there is so much judgment about this topic (and I know the lack of relationships might be even MORE of a deal breaker for guys than the sex part, which doesn't help, either). I know there are plenty of people who will be sympathetic and supportive, but when I see other people saying they'd kill themselves if they were virgins at 30, it's not exactly easy to shake off (I don't, for the record, but there was someone on one board who more or less SHUDDERED at the idea).
P.S.: Living at home is definitely not the worst thing ever, either. My mom and I very close. But I don't want to be here forever, you know? 🙂