Say What?: Commercials That Made Us Scratch Our Heads

[Seelouis]

"I started using Lysol spray as long as I can remember." I can't parse that sentence, can anyone?

Thank you! This is the commercial that brought me to this thread. Every time I see it, it is like fingernails on a chalkboard. You have been using Lysol for as long as you can remember. Or, you can't remember when you started. Not this mishmash of a sentence that makes no sense. What is wrong with me that a commercial can get me so stabby over a nitpick like this? Edited June 27, 2014 by Seelouis

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Maybe they've been huffing from the nearly empty cans, and that's why they can't remember how long they've been using the stuff.

[Tunia]

I realized it was the Life Alert person on the other end of the unit & I went over to it & told him it was a false alarm.

 

My mother never heard the voice calling her name.  If I hadn't responded to the question, would they have sent out the Rescue Squad?  And how the hell does that work in a two-storey house?  If you have the unit upstairs, near the bathroom, where most falls occur, HOW would that help the lady at the bottom of the stairs?  She's too far away from the thing.  Old people shouldn't live in two-storey houses, anyway, unless there's an elevator.  It amazes me how many "Over 55 Communities" are building multi-level homes.  Once your knees go, climbing stairs is best left avoided

 

 

When you sign up for these alert systems, do you provide them with a key to your residence?  I've always wondered how the responders gain access if someone has "fallen and they can't get up".  Don't most people lock their doors?

[Prevailing Wind]

I don't know the answer to that.  Mother never fell when she lived alone.  Well, at least, that she couldn't get back up again. 

[Ananayel]

I think they give you a little lock box that attaches to your doorknob or near the door. It has a combination lock and contains a key. When the Life Alert people put in a call, they pass on your combination to the responders. My neighbor had one of these.

[heebiejeebie]

So a good thief just needs to scope out retirement villages carrying a quality sledge hammer and a towel to muffle the noise.

 

One of my 'favorite' ads in the life alert campaign is the one where the grandmother prated about how she might have died and how sad it would have made her family and how her grandchildren would not get to grow up knowing her.  While holding probable truths the woman's self-awe is simply astounding.

Edited June 27, 2014 by heebiejeebie

[Tunia]

I think they give you a little lock box that attaches to your doorknob or near the door. It has a combination lock and contains a key. When the Life Alert people put in a call, they pass on your combination to the responders. My neighbor had one of these.

 

Thanks, @Ananayel, for the info.  This sounds a lot like what realtors use in order to show a home, and makes perfect sense.  I do know of someone who uses a service of this type, and just don't remember such a device on their premises, but then, I wasn't looking for it either.

[MortysCleaningLady]

Is Guiliana of Guiliana and Bill fame (not really to me, I don't know who they are) from somewhere other than the US? If so, that may explain why she would prefer to buy new furniture to celebrate Independence Day than a bar-b-cue and fireworks. I can see taking advantage of Independence Day sales, but not instead of.

 

Adding that I do realize the ad was written that way, but it's down right "un'murican".

She's a hostess on E! and on Fashion Police, so in theory, she would know fashionable furniture.  Bill was the first winner of Donald Trump's The Apprentice. Now, he's hosting another craptastic (YMMV) show on Food Network.  In reality, they are just those reality celebrities of whom's popularity I do not understand.

[Eliot]

My kids saw that & didn't get the set-up, especially since they didn't know Penelope Cruz, so I explained it to them. My oldest's response, "So they're trying to sell coffee by showing you how a stupid person is seduced by it to the point he can't do his job?" It would seem so. I didn't point out that I found the idea of the "star" serving a random reporter coffee ridiculous as well.

 

[tiny voice] That commercial convinced me to get a Nespresso machine. I love it. [/tiny voice]

 

Another topic: The LifeAlert commercial. I saw it for the first time last night and, melodramatic quivering-voiced actress aside, it totally freaked me out. I kept picturing my mom at the bottom of those stairs and I almost started crying. Even though my mom lives in a luxurious retirement community with no stairs and panic buttons in every room. UGH.

[The Crazed Spruce]

The LifeAlert commercial. I saw it for the first time last night and, melodramatic quivering-voiced actress aside, it totally freaked me out. I kept picturing my mom at the bottom of those stairs and I almost started crying. Even though my mom lives in a luxurious retirement community with no stairs and panic buttons in every room. UGH.

I hear you. Right now, I'm helping to take care of my 82-year-old mother, and after watching that commercial, I'm thankful we live in a house with only one story.

[Eliot]

I hear you. Right now, I'm helping to take care of my 82-year-old mother, and after watching that commercial, I'm thankful we live in a house with only one story.

 

My mom's 82 as well. And it doesn't help that I actually had the horrifying experience of seeing her fall down a flight of stairs a few years ago and couldn't catch her in time. I hate you, LifeAlert.

[Tabbyclaw]

This is Lady. She's a unicorn. And a pegasus! And why's she strapped to the roof of my Rav4? Because Toyota apparently thinks that "Look at this thing I can't fit in my car!" is a good advertising strategy.

[bref]

Kevin Hart's Vitamin Water commercial starts out with the voiceover, “You think making it big is easy? If it was I would have played it safe and kept my day job.”

 

Is it just me or does that make no sense at all? If it was easy, why would he have kept his day job?

[Amethyst]

The Kevin Hart one really is baffling.  It sounds like a commercial an athlete would do for Gatorade.

[ABay]

It would have a bit more impact if I knew who Kevin Hart is.

 

I do, actually, but not enough to recognize him or his voice immediately and since he's not named in the ad (at least not aloud) I had no idea who this guy who was lecturing me was.

Edited June 28, 2014 by ABay

[janie jones]

Is it just me or does that make no sense at all? If it was easy, why would he have kept his day job?

I think because if it were easy, he wouldn't have needed to quit his day job in order to devote time and effort to his entertainment job.  He would have just been "discovered" at a Starbucks or something. Edited June 28, 2014 by janie jones

[Ubiquitous]

I noticed that stupid car ad is back in circulation featuring the man driving home at breakneck speed so he gets home before the ice cream cones he bought melt. Why don;t you just go there with her?

[Rachelb]

What is with the new Fiat commercials?

http://youtu.be/NwAlfH332iw

They are incomprehensible. But I maybe, kinda like them? At least I like them a lot more then the "women will have sex with you if you buy a Fiat" angle they were working before.

[riley702]

Depending on my mood, I either think they're fun or that they're frenetically trying WAY too hard in a way that makes me feel very overstimulated. And confused about the whole point of the ad. Are they pitching to the ADHD demographic? (tongue firmly in cheek)

[OSM Mom]

Just saw a commercial that starts with a lady blow drying a chicken. What. The. Fuck.

[heebiejeebie]

Yeah and what makes the ad worse is it is selling the notion of whipping concealed fat into our eggs to make them more fluffy.

[Neurochick]

Not right away, no. My late father had one of these for a few years. The company asked us to provide a list of emergency contact people, including at least one near neighbor. Since all his kids were more than an hour away, first on Daddy's list was his pastor, who lived one block away, and second was a cousin (retired nurse) who lived across town. We made sure they had keys to his house. If Dad had set off the alarm and not answered the operator, they would have called the pastor and/or cousin and asked them to run and check on him. I think they followed a protocol as to how much time they'd let elapse before they contacted emergency services if they couldn't get reassurance that he was okay. I'm sure EMS workers would break down the door if they couldn't get in and really thought he were in distress. (Dad might have had to pay for the door, but it'd be a small price to pay if they saved his life, right?)

 

 

This is correct.  The call the contact people and if no one calls them back, EMS will come and WILL break down your door if necessary.  My mom would have lost her front door if her neighbor hadn't been around and opened it for them.  And falls can happen anywhere, not just the bedroom.  

[Pepper the Cat]

It took me a year to convince my father to get one. The alarm button looks lovely dangling from the lamp,in the living room.

[xaxat]

The red head the guy is chasing in this ad is really attractive. But if I were in his situation, I would have ended my quest as soon as I met the brunette in the ballroom.

 

Yowza.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUlCqKghdic

[heebiejeebie]

Anyone know who the actor/model is in the Heineken ad is?  A friend insists he is someone known.  I think he is just random model guy since it is part of the same overall campaign to date and all the people are random.  My great aunt thinks it is 'Harry Potter'  (D Radcliffe) but we both know that is not the case.

[janie jones]

This brings up two questions for me.  First of, when he's holding the bottle at the barber shop and the women throw the cloth over him, is is supposed to look like he has a boner?  (It probably is.)  Secondly, why isn't that woman pissed that he lost all her business cards?!

[bilgistic]

I assume it's supposed to look like he has a giant erection, which, no.

That commercial gave me anxiety with all the fast music, running, lights, people in a GLASS BOX SUSPENDED ON A WIRE OVER THE CITY and general freneticness. Instant hate.

Good point about the business cards, janie jones.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Depending on my mood, I either think they're fun or that they're frenetically trying WAY too hard in a way that makes me feel very overstimulated. And confused about the whole point of the ad. Are they pitching to the ADHD demographic? (tongue firmly in cheek)

 

Or meth users.....

[Actionmage]

Yeah, it's a fun ad, but why wasn't he allowed to keep the business cards? Also, seconding bilgistic's EEP! over the gondola/scary box on a thin wire at the end.

 

My concern is what club makes an injured man  play piano with one arm? I know, because ad logic, but really?

 

I also will now have that song follow me like an annoying little brother, even though the song is cool.

[AntiBeeSpray]

What is with the new Fiat commercials?

http://youtu.be/NwAlfH332iw

They are incomprehensible. But I maybe, kinda like them? At least I like them a lot more then the "women will have sex with you if you buy a Fiat" angle they were working before.

I can't stand them tbh. The commercials themselves make NO sense at all.

[CoderLady]

The ads just seemed more European than American, so I Googled around a bit. They appear to be the result of a low advertising budget and an Italian sense of what is "stylish, irreverent, fun -- and flirtatious." Makes more sense now. Doesn't make me want to buy one, though.

[bilgistic]

I refuse to entertain the notion of Fiat or its commercials after they hired Charlie Sheen for one of their commercials.

[ParadoxLost]

Maybe this belongs in what I thought I heard, but Taco Bell... What is a "meaningful hash brown"?

[riley702]

Link?

[shapeshifter]

This French's Mustard commerical message is about something more than mustard--more cringe worthy than funny:

http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7KNe/frenchs-yellow-mustard-man-in-white-shirt

[90PercentGravity]

Oh myyy. Am I going deaf or does that guy not enunciate a single word?

Edited July 3, 2014 by 90PercentGravity

[OSM Mom]

He's got that mushmouth country hick thing going on.

Edited July 3, 2014 by OSM Mom

[shapeshifter]

I don't think the words were even necessary. It's the visual I'm still trying to bleach out of my brain.

[Lola16]

This French's Mustard commerical message is about something more than mustard--more cringe worthy than funny:

http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7KNe/frenchs-yellow-mustard-man-in-white-shirt

Yeach.  Very something about mary-ish.  Doesn't make me want to get me any (of either).  Better than the poup-on it spots I suppose.

[Lola16]

Cawowine from E-harmony is back, now with a little friend/brother who's even lispier and has some sort of prepubescent "girlfriend", which I guess we're supposed to find adowable. Here's the head scratcher: creepy Grandpa tells him to wait a few years, see if he and his girlfriend still like each other, then bring her back to E-Harmony to see if they're compatible. WTF? I thought the point of E-Harmony was to meet people - are they saying that established couples are supposed to go on there to see if they're right for each other? Fuck you, Grandpa, we can make our own decisions.

Grandpa is like a cult leader so yes... he wants to make decisions for us all.  I never met him but a colleague did and she said he's even creepier in person (if that's even possible).

 

She's a hostess on E! and on Fashion Police, so in theory, she would know fashionable furniture.  Bill was the first winner of Donald Trump's The Apprentice. Now, he's hosting another craptastic (YMMV) show on Food Network.  In reality, they are just those reality celebrities of whom's popularity I do not understand.

Guiliana was raised in Maryland and Bill was raised in Illinois.

 

I noticed that stupid car ad is back in circulation featuring the man driving home at breakneck speed so he gets home before the ice cream cones he bought melt. Why don;t you just go there with her?

Haven't seen that one but the one with the goldfish is annoying.  The wife just sits there thumbing through a newspaper I believe while the husband drives like a lunatic to get a new goldfish before the kid gets home from school.  If that was the mom, wouldn't she maybe delay the kid by greeting her or something?  Nah.

 

The red head the guy is chasing in this ad is really attractive. But if I were in his situation, I would have ended my quest as soon as I met the brunette in the ballroom.

 

Yowza.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUlCqKghdic

So this guy sees a hot redhead (and really who could blame him for wanting to get to know her), and finds her business card case in a taxi.  Instead of getting out right where he is and right where she is, he cabs all about town to various places based on the cards in her case. Yea, that makes sense.  Back to the brand... I'm gonna get a Heinie because it's available everywhere?

 

I refuse to entertain the notion of Fiat or its commercials after they hired Charlie Sheen for one of their commercials.

Or J-Lo.

[heebiejeebie]

I stopped when they refused to be gender equal and have a hot Italian guy physically maul and molest someone on the street.

 

In a perfect world I'd love to hold Creepy EHarmony guy's toes to a flame until he admitted how full of crap his "more chemistry" claim is.  And in a fantasy rewrite that couple that attacks each other during their own party would get a huge hose turned on them.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Funny, I thought a huge hose was what that guy was trying to show her.

 

Don't get up, I'll kick myself out.

[bilgistic]

In a perfect world I'd love to hold Creepy EHarmony guy's toes to a flame until he admitted how full of crap his "more chemistry" claim is.

I know he is full of shit because (if you've heard me tell this story before, just ignore me) in the one month many years ago that I belonged to eHarmony, his "29 Dimensions of Compatibility" matched me, a strict vegetarian, with...(wait for it)...an "avid" hunter. Edited July 4, 2014 by bilgistic

[ShadowSixx]

I hate them Life Alert commercials, especially when they notify the old woman and asks if she's alright and she says, "I'm fine, can you call my friend Gladys for me." I would say, "Why can't you do it, since you're fine, I'm not your personal secretary, I'm just calling to see if you need emergency assistance."

 

That FarmersOnly.Com commercial makes no sense. "City Folks Just Don't Get It" What is it city folks aren't getting? That it's a dating website for farmers only. It's a dating website just like any other dating website, there's is just themed. It's also stupid that cows are wondering about someone's love life.

 

These Geico commercials aren't making any sense and it's the ones with the "Did you know you could save 15% using Geico." and then someone says "Everyone knows that." Well if everyone knows that, then why is Geico still making these commercials since everyone knows.

Edited July 4, 2014 by ShadowSixx

[DoughGirl]

One of my 'favorite' ads in the life alert campaign is the one where the grandmother prated about how she might have died and how sad it would have made her family and how her grandchildren would not get to grow up knowing her. While holding probable truths the woman's self-awe is simply astounding.

Not only that, but first she's saying how she lives alone and never sees anyone, or something to that effect. So what makes her think the family/grandchildren would miss her? They don't even care enough to bother checking up on her once in awhile.

[lachesis]

Oh my god, I am horrified right now. The commercial I just saw depicts a group of office workers in a meeting. One of the worker's stomach growls and freaking GMORK from The NeverEnding Story comes out of his chest Alien-style! I was only half watching tv at this time, so I was truly startled when I happened to look up from my tablet. I don't even...

Oh, yeah, the advertised product? Beef jerky. I'd rather see 'em mess with Sasquatch and I hated that ad campaign!

[bilgistic]

Because I am also a child of the 70's/80's, I felt obliged to track down the original.  That was a great jingle and a great game!

 

My six-year-old niece has the 2014 version of Trouble. It seems like such a fun game when you start playing, but it ends up lasting way too long, especially when you have four people playing and they keep landing on others and sending them back home, etc. It becomes tedious.

[90PercentGravity]

I don't even know how to classify this one. It is a Dulcolax (the laxitive) commercial and ten seconds in there is a woman laying in bed and then the Dulcolax drops on her and there is a subtle chiming sound like a fairy godmother's wand makes and the woman gets thinner. At first I thought I was imagining it, but I have watched it three times and it is actually really startling. I exclaimed "Oh my God!" each time, because I just couldn't believe it.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wd-9WDfN2cc

[merylinkid]

New Cinnamon Pull Offs.   I kid you not, the tagline is "pull one off."   Everyone goes around talking about pulling one off, in the car, at work, in public.   Yeah, that is an image I don't need.

[Watcher0363]

New Cinnamon Pull Offs.   I kid you not, the tagline is "pull one off."   Everyone goes around talking about pulling one off, in the car, at work, in public.   Yeah, that is an image I don't need.

Just saw this tonight. Could not agree more. I think they even mention being covered in gooey white stuff. I was half paying attention.