Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Oldernowiser]

JT, you share a birthday with my Golden retriever, so Griffey says Happy Birthday,too!

 

[Madtown]

1 hour ago, GeeGolly said:

Fuck is such an easy and versatile word. Like a circle face emoji, just a slight variation and it takes on a whole new meaning. It can mean, oops, oh no, aha. It can mean really?, or it can mean really!. It can show different levels of displeasure. It can release different levels of displeasure. And when discussing a few of the Duggars and JillR, it can be slung like a dart.

I respect the word fuck, as I do the word shit. I say shit far more often than fuck, but fuck is no less worthy and sometimes is the only word that works, without a long explanation. 😁🙃🤬

i will but "fuck" and "shit" in front or after basically any word..lol. I have come up with some clever names to call idiots..lol. I do have a filter though. Never say fuck in front of my parents, or kids. Sometimes a shit, damn, hell or asshole, will come out when I have kids I've watched over, but they here it from their parents, so it's no big deal.

[Jynnan tonnix]

Just now, Oldernowiser said:

JT, you share a birthday with my Golden retriever, so Griffey says Happy Birthday,too!

 

Awwww! Happy Birthday, Griffey! Beautiful Boy!

 

[iwantcookies]

I don’t make resolutions but this year I will try:

1. make my bed every day

2. not buy anything unless it’s to replace something I actually need/use

3. shred/toss mail weekly 

4. less food waste 

5. drink more water 

 

 

[iwantcookies]

19 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:

Happy New Year, everyone! I was going to make a nice dinner, have some Prosecco, and stay up until midnight, but in true 2020 fashion, I had frozen pizza, forgot to chill the Prosecco, ate a bunch of mini desserts from Whole Foods (just ok), and fell asleep by 10. 
 

I’m keeping my goals simple this year: make 1 recipe from all of the cookbooks I own, bake one thing from scratch each week, lose the final 23.8 pounds to get to my goal weight ( @Scarlett45, you are an inspiration!), and not buy any skincare/makeup/hair care products unless I am replacing something (I had a wee problem with overdoing the self care in 2020). Oh, and to be a rock star at my new job, which starts Monday. 

Good luck at your new job! One of my goals is like your not to buy more stuff.

[Olliesmom]

Happy Birthday @Jynnan tonnix

Happy New Year to all!!  

 

[ozziemom]

Happy birthday @Jynnan tonnix, much happiness and hugs being sent your way. 

[Scarlett45]

I’m SUPER tired today. Post holiday “blahs” maybe? My sister is situated, eating her food, Mom is making herself a steak and I ordered delivery for me. I am catching up on the HGTV dream home which I enter to win every year since 2008.....I haven’t won yet but here’s hoping!🤣

[emma675]

Jynnan Tonnix, you sneaky little so-and-so, trying to gloss right over your birthday! I hope this is your best year yet!

Doodlebug, congrats on the win last night, they stomped Clemson, which surprised me. And once again Notre Dame proves they are horribly over-ranked during the regular season and lose as usual when it counts. 

I need to start back up with the healthy diet and regular exercise next week. I always give myself the last two weeks of December to eat whatever and laze around. I'm now bloated and ready to work out again. Maybe we need a Small Talk accountability group?

I also got a new mattress for my room and the guest room today. One is being delivered on Monday and one is backordered until February. Guess which one doesn't come for weeks? The one for my room. I may be walking with a permanent hunch by then, my old mattress is trying to kill me.

Edited January 2, 2021 by emma675d

[lookeyloo]

Hello Everyone.  Happy New Year.  Yesterday was another "first".  My birthday.  We spent NYE until today with our son in law.  He made a wonderful birthday dinner for me.  Mr lookeyloo cleaned up. We are trying.  I spoke with the grief counselor once and have another session coming up this week.  I talk to people.  Mr lookeyloo and I talk.  We talk with our son in law.  We all talk to each other separately.  We read things and discuss.  Son in law has some good friends in the neighborhood he can socially distance walk with or in nice weather sit outside on his patio.  Covid has put a real limit on what we can do to help ourselves.  The things that we might do that could help aren't available. Son in law plays in a band.  Cancelled since March.  He just picked up his saxophone last week again for a little bit.  He is in touch with his band friends.  It is not the same.  My quilting group met last March for the last time. Zoom isn't the same.  Not satisfying.  I am on some Facebook sites for grieving parents.  Honestly, I don't want to be in this exact same place in 5 years, which some people seem to be.  I'm not judging, just saying Sweet Son would be appalled and I don't like the idea either.  We feel like our purpose is gone.  It is hard to get another purpose right now except donating money to food banks.  I want a pet.  Mr lookeyloo and son in law don't.  I am not going to sneak one in.  That could only end poorly.  My best hope is for some poor creature to show up on our doorstep but that is not likely.  I know it will take time to find my way.  I don't want to make a quilt out of Sweet Son's clothes.  That to me would not be comforting.  I know I am not the first mother to lose a child and for some strange reason that is oddly comforting.  Maybe comforting isn't the right word, but, others have this awful experience too.  I don't like looking at pictures of him, even way before he got sick.  I don't want to listen to his voice on my voice mails, although I want to be able to save them for whenever.  I have a local show on my DVR of him being interviewed.  I can't watch it.  It is not comforting to me.  I can't remember if I said, but, my tears have changed.  They are more copious, much bigger and seem wetter.  I checked with Mr. Google and it says that emotional tears look different under a microscope than tears from allergies/dust/onions, etc.  Interesting.  I don't feel like I am good company, even on here.

I'm sure I missed some posts with good news or not so good news, so I'm sorry and I wish everybody well that needs it, and congratulate everyone with good news.  

PS I did see something on another thread about the Babylon Bee.  The fellow who runs it is the son of my idiot evangelical cousin.  They think they are so funny.  She did say some nice words to me after Sweet Son died.  That was after offering to convert me a few months before.

[Boston]

2 hours ago, Madtown said:

i will but "fuck" and "shit" in front or after basically any word..lol. I have come up with some clever names to call idiots..lol. I do have a filter though. Never say fuck in front of my parents, or kids. Sometimes a shit, damn, hell or asshole, will come out when I have kids I've watched over, but they here it from their parents, so it's no big deal.

My mother (after divorce and she was single) and her best friend came up with : shit, fuck, poo.. oh and my favorite:  "fuck him and the Red Sox"

[Absolom]

Don't feel you have to do what anyone else finds comforting.  It sounds like you grieve much like I do which is rather different from how many do.  You've discovered the down side to many support groups.  For too many people they become a home for the stuck to continue to wallow.  It's great you recognized that already. There are some that help people "graduate" to move on to another level or life.  Good luck finding one.  

[Boston]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @Jynnan tonnix!! 

[GeeGolly]

27 minutes ago, lookeyloo said:

Hello Everyone.  Happy New Year.  Yesterday was another "first".  My birthday.  We spent NYE until today with our son in law.  He made a wonderful birthday dinner for me.  Mr lookeyloo cleaned up. We are trying.  I spoke with the grief counselor once and have another session coming up this week.  I talk to people.  Mr lookeyloo and I talk.  We talk with our son in law.  We all talk to each other separately.  We read things and discuss.  Son in law has some good friends in the neighborhood he can socially distance walk with or in nice weather sit outside on his patio.  Covid has put a real limit on what we can do to help ourselves.  The things that we might do that could help aren't available. Son in law plays in a band.  Cancelled since March.  He just picked up his saxophone last week again for a little bit.  He is in touch with his band friends.  It is not the same.  My quilting group met last March for the last time. Zoom isn't the same.  Not satisfying.  I am on some Facebook sites for grieving parents.  Honestly, I don't want to be in this exact same place in 5 years, which some people seem to be.  I'm not judging, just saying Sweet Son would be appalled and I don't like the idea either.  We feel like our purpose is gone.  It is hard to get another purpose right now except donating money to food banks.  I want a pet.  Mr lookeyloo and son in law don't.  I am not going to sneak one in.  That could only end poorly.  My best hope is for some poor creature to show up on our doorstep but that is not likely.  I know it will take time to find my way.  I don't want to make a quilt out of Sweet Son's clothes.  That to me would not be comforting.  I know I am not the first mother to lose a child and for some strange reason that is oddly comforting.  Maybe comforting isn't the right word, but, others have this awful experience too.  I don't like looking at pictures of him, even way before he got sick.  I don't want to listen to his voice on my voice mails, although I want to be able to save them for whenever.  I have a local show on my DVR of him being interviewed.  I can't watch it.  It is not comforting to me.  I can't remember if I said, but, my tears have changed.  They are more copious, much bigger and seem wetter.  I checked with Mr. Google and it says that emotional tears look different under a microscope than tears from allergies/dust/onions, etc.  Interesting.  I don't feel like I am good company, even on here.

I'm sure I missed some posts with good news or not so good news, so I'm sorry and I wish everybody well that needs it, and congratulate everyone with good news.  

PS I did see something on another thread about the Babylon Bee.  The fellow who runs it is the son of my idiot evangelical cousin.  They think they are so funny.  She did say some nice words to me after Sweet Son died.  That was after offering to convert me a few months before.

Lookey, you truly amaze me with your insight.

I wish there was something I, or anyone else, could do to ease you're pain, but you will have moments when your pain is less. You'll have moments when you find joy. But it all takes time and that sucks. I watched my parents go through this when my brother died - it is heartbreakingly brutal.

I wish I lived near you so I could leave an 'abandoned' pet at your door step. That's exactly what we did for my dad, when my mom died. It gave him a reason to get up, a reason to go outside, and some companionship.

If I may speak for some others, as well as myself, it is an honor that you pop into Small Talk and share your grief with us. The warmest of hugs for you and your family.

[Oldernowiser]

@lookeyloo, I’d say Happy Birthday but I know it sounds absurd right now. I’m so very, very sorry.

One of the hardest things about grieving is that people do it in widely different ways and often at very different times. My husband and I tend to trade off...he’s a mess and I’m okay. Then we switch and it’s a completely unconscious process. I’m probably the wrong person to weigh in, because my pets are my life, but if you want a pet, by God, you get one. 

Here...I’ll lend you Griffey for a bit. He’s bit shy at first but he gives great face lick...

 

[iwantcookies]

@lookeyloo biggest hug to you. 

[Liddy52]

@lookeyloo, as others have said and I firmly believe,  there is no one right way or a wrong way to grieve ( as long as you don't do harm to yourself or others,  which I know you would not do). I also do not believe that everybody HAS to go through all those stages of grief. I readily admit that I have never endured the lose of a child,  and I cannot even imagine how difficult it must be for you. But, whatever comforts you or makes life more bearable is what I wish for you. You have been in my prayers,  although I am sure that God must be somewhat amused when I pray for "Lookeyloo" and other Small Talkers by the only names I know you. But that is ok, because I also firmly believe HE knows you by your name and I believe He know your situation. 

@Jynnan tonnix, wishing you a very happy birthday! I hope things with your daughter are better. I have been known to pray for "Jynnan Tonnix's daughter ", also. 

Edited January 2, 2021 by Liddy52

[Scarlett45]

@lookeyloo you’re doing the very best you can right now. We are happy to hear from you when you’re feeling up to talking with us. Be gentle with yourself. 

[doodlebug]

2 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

Hello Everyone.  Happy New Year.  Yesterday was another "first".  My birthday.  We spent NYE until today with our son in law.  He made a wonderful birthday dinner for me.  Mr lookeyloo cleaned up. We are trying.  I spoke with the grief counselor once and have another session coming up this week.  I talk to people.  Mr lookeyloo and I talk.  We talk with our son in law.  We all talk to each other separately.  We read things and discuss.  Son in law has some good friends in the neighborhood he can socially distance walk with or in nice weather sit outside on his patio.  Covid has put a real limit on what we can do to help ourselves.  The things that we might do that could help aren't available. Son in law plays in a band.  Cancelled since March.  He just picked up his saxophone last week again for a little bit.  He is in touch with his band friends.  It is not the same.  My quilting group met last March for the last time. Zoom isn't the same.  Not satisfying.  I am on some Facebook sites for grieving parents.  Honestly, I don't want to be in this exact same place in 5 years, which some people seem to be.  I'm not judging, just saying Sweet Son would be appalled and I don't like the idea either.  We feel like our purpose is gone.  It is hard to get another purpose right now except donating money to food banks.  I want a pet.  Mr lookeyloo and son in law don't.  I am not going to sneak one in.  That could only end poorly.  My best hope is for some poor creature to show up on our doorstep but that is not likely.  I know it will take time to find my way.  I don't want to make a quilt out of Sweet Son's clothes.  That to me would not be comforting.  I know I am not the first mother to lose a child and for some strange reason that is oddly comforting.  Maybe comforting isn't the right word, but, others have this awful experience too.  I don't like looking at pictures of him, even way before he got sick.  I don't want to listen to his voice on my voice mails, although I want to be able to save them for whenever.  I have a local show on my DVR of him being interviewed.  I can't watch it.  It is not comforting to me.  I can't remember if I said, but, my tears have changed.  They are more copious, much bigger and seem wetter.  I checked with Mr. Google and it says that emotional tears look different under a microscope than tears from allergies/dust/onions, etc.  Interesting.  I don't feel like I am good company, even on here.

I'm sure I missed some posts with good news or not so good news, so I'm sorry and I wish everybody well that needs it, and congratulate everyone with good news.  

PS I did see something on another thread about the Babylon Bee.  The fellow who runs it is the son of my idiot evangelical cousin.  They think they are so funny.  She did say some nice words to me after Sweet Son died.  That was after offering to convert me a few months before.

Lookey, I admire your courage and determination to accept this tragedy and move forward.  The stages of grief are funny, sometimes it is two steps forward and one step back.  Sometimes you go from denial to acceptance and back again.  Just keep plugging away and know you've got a lot of friends here rooting for you and loving you and praying and thinking good thoughts.

You need to do things the way that seems best for you.  If the quilt idea isn't helping; set it aside.  Same thing with videos and photos or anything else that you're not ready to do.  They are inanimate objects, they'll wait for you. Or they'll go out of the house forever if that's what you decide.  I had a final voicemail from my dad on my phone for years.  He called me a couple days before he died and left a message about how poorly Ohio State had played.  'What is wrong with your team?' Quintessentially him.  I maybe only listened to it a half dozen times, but I was glad I had it.  I lost it when my phone company upgraded the voicemail service, but it was time anyway.

My sister also joined a parent's bereavement group after my nephew died and also stopped going after just a few months for the same reasons troubling you.  She told me about the group leader, a woman whose adult son had died in a car accident more than 20 years earlier.  At every meeting, she told the story and then sobbed uncontrollably, unable to come to terms with it.  My sister said, "I cannot be going to meetings 20 years from now and sobbing my eyes out.  I just can't".  And she didn't; she got to a place where the memories when she thought of him were of the happiness he brought, not the grief.  

[QuinnInND]

Happy birthday, @Jynnan tonnix!!!!

Spent today getting the Christmas stuff put away and the house back in order and clean. Feels good. Kids are bathed and we're ready for the Orange Bowl!! Let's go Aggies!! #GigEm!!!! #BTHONC

Edited January 3, 2021 by QuinnInND

[Minivanessa]

@lookeyloo, thanks for checking in with us and your insightful comments. I can only reply that you are in my thoughts at times when I'm not online at all. 

@Jynnan tonnix, happy birthday.

@Oldernowiser, Griffey looks so adorable. I smiled just to see his pictures. Thanks for sharing him and I hope he had a good birfday. I was just talking today with someone about my little dog Jasper. He would have been 13 on Christmas Eve; he didn't quite make it to his 12th birthday in 2019 and although I don't cry over him anymore he's still snuggled in my heart. 

[Rabbittron]

Mommyrabbittron h are. Please move me back to the ER because down there there was excitement. The other excitement is that when a baby is born they play Brahms Lullaby. Can't they play happy birthday because happy birthday is a upbeat song and Brahms lullaby is at least to me a morbid song.

[Jynnan tonnix]

1 hour ago, Oldernowiser said:

@lookeyloo, I’d say Happy Birthday but I know it sounds absurd right now. I’m so very, very sorry.

One of the hardest things about grieving is that people do it in widely different ways and often at very different times. My husband and I tend to trade off...he’s a mess and I’m okay. Then we switch and it’s a completely unconscious process. I’m probably the wrong person to weigh in, because my pets are my life, but if you want a pet, by God, you get one. 

Here...I’ll lend you Griffey for a bit. He’s bit shy at first but he gives great face lick...

 

I hereby nominate Griffey for Prayer Corner mascot and virtual hug-buddy!

[Oldernowiser]

22 minutes ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I hereby nominate Griffey for Prayer Corner mascot and virtual hug-buddy!

You are too kind...as long as I’m spamming you nice people with my birthday dog, here’s a puppy photo of him. He was the cutest looking and biggest stinker puppy I ever had... I knew I might be in trouble when the breeder chose him for me, saying, hesitantly, “I’m pretty sure you can handle him...” Fortunately, he grew up. It was close a few times.

 

[GeeGolly]

30 minutes ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I hereby nominate Griffey for Prayer Corner mascot and virtual hug-buddy!

I second the nomination.

[QuinnInND]

5 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I second the nomination.

I vote yes! 

[Suzn]

2 hours ago, Oldernowiser said:

@lookeyloo, I’d say Happy Birthday but I know it sounds absurd right now. I’m so very, very sorry.

One of the hardest things about grieving is that people do it in widely different ways and often at very different times. My husband and I tend to trade off...he’s a mess and I’m okay. Then we switch and it’s a completely unconscious process. I’m probably the wrong person to weigh in, because my pets are my life, but if you want a pet, by God, you get one. 

Here...I’ll lend you Griffey for a bit. He’s bit shy at first but he gives great face lick...

 

What a sweetheart!

[Jynnan tonnix]

9 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

You are too kind...as long as I’m spamming you nice people with my birthday dog, here’s a puppy photo of him. He was the cutest looking and biggest stinker puppy I ever had... I knew I might be in trouble when the breeder chose him for me, saying, hesitantly, “I’m pretty sure you can handle him...” Fortunately, he grew up. It was close a few times.

 

Sooooo cute!!!! I really want a Golden retriever (or similar). I really don't feel as though I can handle a second dog right now, though, as Pippin, my little Papillion, is getting pretty old and I don't think he would be able to handle a puppy - and I'd really like a puppy for a change as I've never really had one since, well, the dog I had growing up, which Mom did the vast majority of training for, and the one I had when first married with a baby, which, sadly, I was really not equipped to handle as I might best have, and ended up rehoming when we got word we would be stationed in Scotland (quarantine was six months, and we just felt it might be best for him to have a different home all around) Our other dogs were adult rescues, and even Pippin was 8 months old when we got him. I think I've learned a lot more patience and coping mechanisms since those early days, though. But Mr Jyn thinks we are too old to get a puppy since there's no guarantee we'll be in good enough shape to handle a dog in another few years, or even to outlive it...I get his point, but I still would really love a puppy. Then again, Papillions can easily live to 15 or 16, and Pippin is 12 now, so it may be a while...

[jcbrown]

3 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

Lookey, you truly amaze me with your insight.

If I may speak for some others, as well as myself, it is an honor that you pop into Small Talk and share your grief with us. The warmest of hugs for you and your family.

@lookeyloo, GEEGOLLY absolutely speaks for me here. Thank you for checking in with us and I send you a huge virtual hug. 

1 hour ago, Oldernowiser said:

You are too kind...as long as I’m spamming you nice people with my birthday dog, here’s a puppy photo of him. He was the cutest looking and biggest stinker puppy I ever had... I knew I might be in trouble when the breeder chose him for me, saying, hesitantly, “I’m pretty sure you can handle him...” Fortunately, he grew up. It was close a few times.

I vote for him, too, and I am a cat person who is very very allergic to dogs in real life, so my vote should count extra, no?

@MargeGunderson your post about intending to cook a recipe from each of your cookbooks inspired me to count mine, to see if that was a thing I could do. My current count, excluding chapbooks, cocktail books, and the sixteen binders I've compiled of recipes I've clipped or printed, stands at 401. I think I may be a collector. No resolution like that for me, then, not least because I do not want to make anything from "The Joys of Jell-o," much less "The New Joys of Jell-o" (both of which I snagged when we were cleaning out my parents' house).

Happy birthday, @Jynnan tonnix!

[Oldernowiser]

28 minutes ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I think I've learned a lot more patience and coping mechanisms since those early days, though.

Yeah, I thought that, too. Griff was my fifth puppy (of nine dogs) and I was pretty darned cocky. Not my first rodeo, people. Hey, I even TAUGHT training classes at our local shelter. I was a vet tech. I knew stuff. Wrong. He was impossible to house train, hated crates with a loud and endless passion, didn’t sleep through the night for three months, and refused to let me out of his sight. Ever. We’d go to our actual training classes and he’d do everything flawlessly because he was a quick study on anything involving food and we’d be the people everyone else hated because perfect puppy. Then we’d get home. And all hell would break loose. 

So did I learn from this? No. I am currently scheduled to pick up his distantly-related sister puppy next fall, assuming Covid vaccines, breeding and pregnancy go as planned, and that my friend/breeder determines that one of the girls would be a good fit for us. Did I mention I will be going to Maine for this dog? And bringing her all of the way home to the PNW? Why? Because I’m insane, which should not be news to any of you, and because this breeder is incredibly conscientious about screening for health problems in her lines and because she breeds specifically for a calm temperament. Which Griffey actually has. Now.

But I LOOOOOVE him. He brings his chew bones over so he can sit in my lap while he chews them. He watches television...he particularly loves Dogs With Jobs and will sit in front of the television until I turn it on and start that show. He starts every morning by asking to get up on the bed and then going over to my husband and collapsing on his chest for a snuggle. 

And this is why I’m addicted to Goldens. This little girl would be my fourth over the years. Is there a 12-step program for this?

Edited January 3, 2021 by Oldernowiser

[Minivanessa]

50 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

And this is why I’m addicted to Goldens. This little girl would be my fourth over the years. Is there a 12-step program for this?

Nope. Sorry. And you do know, I hope, that now we've seen Griffey? We'll be needing you to provide regular fixes of photos for those of us who have developed some degree of addiction to adorable Golden Retriever photos. I loved hearing about your story with Griffey and I hope the new puppy situation works out for you. 

I had a chocolate Lab 30 years ago, who was such a wonderful dog. I got her when she was 10 weeks old and she was my best buddy for the next 12 years. That retriever personality is so special. I no longer live in a single family home; condo life isn't fair to a big energetic dog, IMO. For nearly 12 years, until a year ago, I shared my condo with Jasper the Shih Tzu, who I swear, was a retriever soul in a foo-foo dog body. The mellowest, sweetest, friendliest, un-barkiest dog. I'm now in my 70's and not going to get another dog. TBH the need to walk the dog 3+ times a day, even in icy winter weather, is something I do NOT miss. I'm not signing up for that again, although I don't regret a minute of my time with Jasper, even the walks in bad weather. 

I was just chatting on the phone to a long-time friend. We're both retired and living in condos. And it turns out we both have had the same idle fantasy: winning a pile in the Lotto, and being able to buy a house with a yard and having the money to hire all the yardwork, snow removal, and housecleaning done for us - and have dogs. She's all about German Shepherds, I'd probably have a Lab. Of course, you'd have to actually, you know, BUY a lottery ticket to win, and I rarely do, lol. 

[Oldernowiser]

2 minutes ago, Jeeves said:

For nearly 12 years, until a year ago, I shared my condo with Jasper the Shih Tzu, who I swear, was a retriever soul in a foo-foo dog body.

I love Shih Tzus. When I was a tech we had the sweetest shih tzu come in who had demodectic mange which had been misdiagnosed and treated with prednisone, so she had a raging secondary bacterial infection on top of it. She came in every Friday for eight weeks for mange treatments, which involved me bathing her, gently removing the scabs, coating her with nasty-smelling medication and then bathing her again. She should have hated it, but she was sooo sweet. Her owner would open the front door, set her down and that little dog would come racing to find me with her whole body wiggling.  
Oh and we cured the mange!

Your Jasper sounds wonderful. I hope you meet again someday.

[Rabbittron]

I am going to put my 2 cents in. I had dogs all my life and 2 of lived very long lives.  Goldie was 1/2 golden retriever 1/2 pit bull born in 1952 died 1972 and Mr. BARKIE A POMERANIAN BORN 12/30/1999 just turned 21 and is blind and deaf. The reason why I remembered it birthday it's because my sister was having my nephew and 

dog with having puppies the same day

[Mindthinkr]

As a cat person I just want to say that I adore my 17 year old kitties. They have stuck next to me (sometimes literally) through thick and thin. Mind you I also love dogs and have had some, but now am enjoying my fur pillows. Just saying there are all kinds of pets. 

[Oldernowiser]

@Mindthinkr, they’re just beautiful!

[Mindthinkr]

1 minute ago, Oldernowiser said:

@Mindthinkr, they’re just beautiful!

Thank you. They are such nice companions. At their age they don’t do much. I have them both next to me and one (BB) is purring loudly because he wants me to stop typing and pet him 😹

[Oldernowiser]

1 minute ago, Mindthinkr said:

Thank you. They are such nice companions. At their age they don’t do much. I have them both next to me and one (BB) is purring loudly because he wants me to stop typing and pet him 😹

Cats always know their priorities!

[iwantcookies]

Wonder Woman 1984 was LAME. Can I have the 2 1/2 of my life back? Someone cool makes an appearance after the credits so keep watching until the end.

[rue721]

Griff is a beauty! All these pets are, dogs and cats both.

Portia is my first dog, and I had no idea what I was getting into! But now I know everybody in a three-block radius and get my 10,000 steps in every day no matter what. 🤣 Plus, she makes my house a home.

But she's been having some trouble lately. We live near a little neighborhood park that has a playground, a softball diamond, and then a little wooded area where some neighbors have cleared a trail. There's a group that brings their dogs there to play in the afternoon/evening. The other day, I was walking Portia off-leash in the wooded area (which is why they made the path), and Portia raced a little bit ahead -- maybe 50 feet. As I was walking, I saw that she had stopped suddenly and was just standing there in the path about 10 ft from the exit, but I thought she was just standing there because she was waiting for me (like usual). When I got to her, though, I saw that her whole body was trembling and she was frozen in fear. It was broad daylight, we know this area VERY well (we're there every day), and her (dog) buddies were playing on the softball field maybe another 50 feet away. I tried to walk her back out onto the field, but she was paralyzed because she was so scared. I finally picked her up and brought her out to the field just to get her out of there, even though she's a 50lbs hound dog and difficult to do that with! I didn't know how to get her out of there otherwise. As soon as she caught her breath while resting by her buddies, she hustled me over to our car and wanted to leave right away. At home, I cheered her up with her toy and cuddles and a new bone. She feels safe here, thank god. But now every time we go outside, she's very fragile. Today I took her back to the field to play with her buddies, and she froze right there! The other dogs were fine, and it was perfectly safe, but she sensed something or something triggered her and she was basically in her own little world. I had to carry her back to the car! I ended up taking her to my parents' because they have a yard and she needed to at least pee. She and my parents also love each other to pieces, and she was very happy to see them and was willing to go on a walk with me as long as my dad went along. I don't know what to do! I don't know what's triggering this paralyzing fear!

Portia is a rescue and I wonder if some old, bad memory is being triggered somehow? She's also originally from a rural area, and I wonder if she smells a predator in the woods that the other dogs don't know (like a coyote)?

I'm not sure how to handle it -- any suggestions welcome 😔

I tried to upload a picture of her, but I can't get one below 1,000KB 🙄

 

[Oldernowiser]

How old is she? How long have you had her? Does she ever freeze like that or tremble anywhere else?

Sorry, more questions...have you taken her to any kind of formal training classes? Is she good on a leash? Do you live in an area where snakes are a problem? Does she limp or seem painful during these episodes?

And yet another question...did you hear anything? Fireworks? Gun shots?

Edited January 3, 2021 by Oldernowiser

[Oldernowiser]

@rue721...While you’re catching your breath with all my nosy questions, here are my initial thoughts, assuming it is a behavioral thing (see below)...first of all, I would give her a respite from repeating the activity that scares her. I would keep her close to home or at your parents’ for at least a week, always on leash. You want her to feel secure and that she can always trust you to protect her. If you haven’t done formal training classes with her and there’s a way to do them safely with Covid, I would really recommend it. It will help her build up her confidence and her trust in her relationship with you.

Then take a bunch of great treats, drive to the parking lot near that field, give her a great treat, praise her, then leave. Next day, do it again. If she’s happy and relaxed, then let her out of the car, on leash, treat her, then leave. The idea is to do baby steps, always making certain she’s calm and happy. Then ten feet down the path, treat, praise, return, go home. Then twenty feet the next day. You get the picture. I would always keep her on leash unless she’s actively playing with the other dogs. The leash is communication as well as control and honestly, with a hound mix, if they catch the right scent they don’t always come back. I had a wonderful hound mix and fortunately we lived way out in the boonies then, but if that dog caught a scent and someone left the gate open he’d run for hours while I drove around trying to find him. Nose on, brain off, that boy.

If this continues, you might want to have her thoroughly checked out by a vet. It’s unlikely, but depending on her age, she could have a pain issue or even a mild seizure. I emphasize that’s pretty unlikely, unless the freezing activity starts happening elsewhere. 

You’re probably right and she has some kind of trigger. My other dog is a abused rescue and he has a million triggers...guns, fireworks, men in doorways, flashlights, headlights, cans crinkling, water bottles, rolled up newspapers...the list is endless. It’s a challenge. So the trick is to slowly desensitize her to that trigger, if you can, while keeping her in her happy place.

If it turns out to be a copperhead, a coyote, or a holiday pyromaniac with fire crackers and an AK 47, well, then, she’s right and who can blame her! But you have to keep her safe, yes? Freeze is often followed by flight in a blind panic, so a leash could save the day.

Sorry, too many words. I’ve worked with lots of fearful dogs over the years, both my own and at shelters, so I’m a bit obsessed on the topic!

Edited January 3, 2021 by Oldernowiser

[rue721]

29 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

How old is she? How long have you had her? Does she ever freeze like that or tremble anywhere else?

Sorry, more questions...have you taken her to any kind of formal training classes? Is she good on a leash? Do you live in an area where snakes are a problem? Does she limp or seem painful during these episodes?

And yet another question...did you hear anything? Fireworks? Gun shots?

I've had her a year as of October, and I believe she's about 3 years old (but she's a rescue, so could be 2-5 years maybe?). Whenever she's very scared, she freezes -- but I have never seen her THIS scared. I've never seen her tremble like that before. 

When I adopted her, she had heartworm and she was spayed the day before I picked her up from the foster home, so between the spay healing, and the heartworm shots, and then the heartworm healing, she couldn't get into a training class until early last year. Then she got injured in doggie daycare and had a sit out a few sessions. And then covid shutdowns hit. So she was actually able to go to about 2-3 classes last year. She has a few commands, although her best by far is "sit."

She's not great on a leash, and that has been a learning experience. I actually consulted a behavorist over it. Portia is very strong-willed and would stage sit-ins or be very resistant while walking. The behavorist said it probably had to do with her experiences before me, and to just make walks happy and fun experiences with lots of treats. She's MUCH better now, although still not perfect.

There are snakes native to this area, but I haven't seen any and they're not common. Whenever these terrors strike her, everything is completely quiet and calm from my point of view. And from the other dogs' who are nearby, it seems like. Like just now, I ran her downstairs for one last bedtime pee (because she was "asking" to go). It was completely quiet and still downstairs, nobody around and no noises except the breeze. But she was still too terrified to leave the parking garage and of course refused to actually pee. Now I'm sure she'll have an accident, but what can I do but get out the carpet shampooer?

I've looked for injuries or bugs but she's fine. She also doesn't have a limp or anything. And when she's been hurt before, she's yelped but otherwise handled it very patiently. When she's frozen in fear, she's stiff as a board when I pick her up. I swear, she's in her own little world when that happens.

I did hear some far-away fireworks on NYE and one time in the summer someone popped off a round of gunshots while I was walking her, and of course those both terrified her. But she just wanted to go home both times, it was clear what she was scared of and it was all understandable.

Something is setting her off, but it seems like her fearfulness is feeding on itself. I don't know how to short-circuit that.

[Oldernowiser]

Okay, thanks for the information. It’s tough to know what happening without being able to see it. I’m starting to wonder about pain, though...maybe a luxating patella or something that only hurts intermittently? She’s a little past the usual age for seizure disorder onset, but I’d get her thoroughly checked out with your vet. That “she’s in her own little world” suggests a possible neurological cause, but that’s pretty unusual. You do a really good job of describing her symptoms, so that will help your vet.

I’m not sure where you live but maybe ask your vet for a referral to a veterinary behaviorist for a consult if she checks out physically. Most vets aren’t all that versed in behavioral issues but if you’re near any of the major veterinary universities many of them have behavioral consultants. Some programs will even do phone consultations if it’s too far to travel and hey, Covid.

Some anxious dogs do really well on anti-anxiety medications, so that might be an option. A behavioral veterinarian would be able to prescribe that for her or ask your regular vet to prescribe something in the interim to see if it helps. 

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Puppies and adolescent dogs usually go through fear stages, but your girl sounds like she’s past that age...although depending on her background and how well she was socialized or not, this could be sort of a delayed development thing.

She’s a lucky girl to have you looking out for her. I’d start with your vet and soon. Monday will probably be super busy, it always is after holidays, but be persistent. Tell them she’s refusing to go outside and it’s getting rapidly worse.

Wishing you both the best...wish I could help more.

[rue721]

57 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

Okay, thanks for the information. It’s tough to know what happening without being able to see it. I’m starting to wonder about pain, though...maybe a luxating patella or something that only hurts intermittently? She’s a little past the usual age for seizure disorder onset, but I’d get her thoroughly checked out with your vet. That “she’s in her own little world” suggests a possible neurological cause, but that’s pretty unusual. You do a really good job of describing her symptoms, so that will help your vet.

I’m not sure where you live but maybe ask your vet for a referral to a veterinary behaviorist for a consult if she checks out physically. Most vets aren’t all that versed in behavioral issues but if you’re near any of the major veterinary universities many of them have behavioral consultants. Some programs will even do phone consultations if it’s too far to travel and hey, Covid.

Some anxious dogs do really well on anti-anxiety medications, so that might be an option. A behavioral veterinarian would be able to prescribe that for her or ask your regular vet to prescribe something in the interim to see if it helps. 

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Puppies and adolescent dogs usually go through fear stages, but your girl sounds like she’s past that age...although depending on her background and how well she was socialized or not, this could be sort of a delayed development thing.

She’s a lucky girl to have you looking out for her. I’d start with your vet and soon. Monday will probably be super busy, it always is after holidays, but be persistent. Tell them she’s refusing to go outside and it’s getting rapidly worse.

Wishing you both the best...wish I could help more.

Thanks for your advice — I think you’re right, I should at least check in with the vet. I think the problem is psychological, but better to give her anti-anxiety medication now so she stops winding herself up than let this keep getting worse. I may contact the behaviorist again, but it was hard for her to be very precise in her help before since we could only consult over zoom. The behaviorist is also very expensive. 
 

At least Portia feels safe at home and at my parents’ (they dogsit her two days a week, so that’s like a second home for her). Just a little mental health crisis, I think. God knows we’ve all earned one 🤦🏻‍♀️🎆🥂

[Love2dance]

@Jynnan tonnix, happy birthday wishes to you. Hope it was a lovely day.

@lookeyloo, thank you for sharing with us. You are in my thoughts on your birthday. Hugs.

@Suzn, did you mean “me too,” as in it’s your birthday, too? If so, happy birthday to you, too!

[Temperance]

I'm still a little down right now. I have nothing to complain about, but I just wish for more. I would like to be more social, although I'm social distancing. I want to find love. My childhood self is probably disappointed I'm not married by now. 

My fourth grade teacher died. I hadn't seen her in years, but there was an obituary. Based on what it said, she did not die of COVID. She was 85. She was a good teacher.

@GeeGolly I would suggest Hope as a word of the year.

@lookeyloo  I hope you feel free to ignore my suggestions, but if you're looking for a purpose, you might look into mentoring younger adults.  You and Mr. Lookeyloo seem like such kind people. I particularly think that you could mentor younger LGBTQ adults. I know a lot of them still don't feel fully accepted by their families. I was touched by your acceptance of Sweet Son being gay.  You're probably not ready, but it's something to think about.  If this doesn't appeal to you though, you don't have to do it. 

 

[Boston]

15 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

I’m SUPER tired today. Post holiday “blahs” maybe? My sister is situated, eating her food, Mom is making herself a steak and I ordered delivery for me. I am catching up on the HGTV dream home which I enter to win every year since 2008.....I haven’t won yet but here’s hoping!🤣

I also enter that.. but.. i'm sure you know if you win.. you get the home, BUT you also get the tax bill.. most people end up going for a cash prize.. or getting the house then selling it 🤫

[Minivanessa]

9 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

As a cat person I just want to say that I adore my 17 year old kitties. They have stuck next to me (sometimes literally) through thick and thin. Mind you I also love dogs and have had some, but now am enjoying my fur pillows. Just saying there are all kinds of pets. 

Aw, the kitties are gorgeous. I also love cats. For a long time I had two of them, plus a dog. I've thought of getting a cat, actually. Even had a dream last month, very vivid, that I was adopted by a kitten. However, when the pandemic threat has receded, I intend to take some long road trips. Weeks at a time. Camping in my minivan, wandering around. Not workable with a cat to care for: can't leave an animal in a parked vehicle especially in summer. Nope. So, no new pets this year for sure. In the meantime I enjoy the occasional interaction with others' dogs, and the photos and stories you all share here. 

@rue721, I'm sorry for Portia's (and your) troubles and I hope they get resolved. Poor pup. I adopted a rescue dog (a Lhasa Apso) with a mostly unknown history but abuse was strongly indicated; she had seizures and unpredictable aggression and other issues. She was with me for 9+ years, and for the most part life was fine, but oh those mysterious things that would sometimes happen. She never had anything quite as debilitating as Portia's terrors are proving to be and I wish both of you well in getting past them. (During the time I had her, I also had a rescued Shih Tzu with unpredictable aggression issues. It was an interesting decade in my life, to say the least.)

Edited January 3, 2021 by Jeeves

[GeeGolly]

I've been posting here for a long time. Usually I read the posts without even bothering to see who wrote it, but being here for so long, I often recognize posters by the content or writing style of the post. Lately I've been getting confused. I'll read a post who I think is written by a certain poster and then look up and realize its not the name I was expecting. 

Has this been happening to anyone else?

[Mindthinkr]

I have been trying to “like” a few posts on here, but keep getting a notification stating that there was “trouble reacting to this post”. So if you didn’t get a reaction from me please know it wasn’t because I didn’t try to.