Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[marypat57]

@ChiCricket:  many virtual hugs and lots of prayers for you and your family during this time.  
This virus is beyond crazy.  I am watching a repeat of a baseball game from 2016.  It seems a bit odd to see fans in the stands, and not the cardboard cutouts.  My cardboard cutout has her own place on the couch.

@ChiCricket  please take a few moments for yourself this weekend.  I will continue to pray for your family

[SunnyBeBe]

Do we have anyone around here who’s in higher education, as in college or graduate school admissions? I have just have a question. If so, will you PM me?

[iwantcookies]

3 hours ago, Happyfatchick said:

@Emma675 yiur post reminds me of the WOOOOOOOORST thing for me, at church.  For 35 years I played piano for church.  It’s a thing.  I did it with gusto and probably sounded like I played with my feet - but that’s a different story.  I digressed (shocking, I know!)  We were attending a mid sized church.  Not small, not mega.  I was considered staff and also worked with the youth and obviously the choir.  Things worked out so that our pastor had decided to submit his resignation on a Sunday morning.  He had 3 youth daughters and a slightly younger son, the whole family was well liked.  I was told with the other staff members ahead of time what was going to happen.  It was just timing and some serious suckiness for him that his mother had cancer and had been in hospital a few days, and on Saturday (the day before his resignation), she actually died.  AND on the Friday, the day BEFORE his mother died the day before his resignation, his WIFE fell down some steps at the hospital and broke BOTH ankles.  I kid you not.  And required surgery on one (maybe both, I forget).

so the sermon was very brief and a brief alter call, and we’ve (the musicians) all gone back to sit with our respective families.  This poor man who is certainly a finalist for the worst week in the history of mankind starts to talk.  He was every bit of 6’4 - HUGE in the pulpit - he’s crying and trying to talk, everybody in the entire congregation is bawling - it just could NOT get any worse.  nightmarish.  

And then

my stepson (13 at the time) got the church giggles.   I know good and well he wasn’t listening, and I don’t have a clue what set him off - but off he went.  He snorted.  I DIED.  I snapped my head toward him with the MOM eyes 00.  He couldn’t stop.  He held his breath, he spewed it out and laughed some more.  I have never been so embarrassed in all my life.  I grabbed his arm and took him out the back, shoved the keys at him - “GO GET IN THE CAR AND YOU BETTER HIDE FROM ME THE REST OF THE DAY!!!!!”  it took another 20 minutes for us to get outside and go home - but when I got to the car, he was boiling sweat, hair plastered to his head, face like a beet; I said OMG!!!  Why did you stay in the car???  He goes “you SAID go to the car”.  I was like “I didn’t MEAN for you to come suffocate!!!  Didn’t it occur to you I might think you needed to get out???”  So now he’s crying, I’m crying. The other kids are all crying.  

Happy Fun Day at Church, God Bless Us All!!!

my Daddy used to do a parody of getting all of us ready for church (back in the days that meant crinolines and the good bra) waking us all, getting us fed, dressed and in the car (which he participated in exactly NONE of), him blowing the horn and tapping his timex.  And he’d end his little skit with “and we’re going to worship JEEEESUS, praise the LORD”

This brought forth a memory. In college we had a really cute English class professor. My friend said something like

I want to tie him up and whip him.

Well shortly after that the professor mentioned the word whip. Man did I lose it. I couldn’t stop laughing. I was crying from laughing so hard.  Had to leave the class to compose myself. My friend sat there didn’t even crack a smile. Good memory haha. 

[PikaScrewChu]

11 hours ago, Zella said:

Oh, @ChiCricket, I'm so sorry. Your family is in my thoughts. Hoping those steroids work well for him, and that your daughter also recovers easily too. 

Me, too, and I'm even seeing some slight regional differences between where I am in NW AR and where my dad and stepmom are in SW MO. They and the people in their community don't have any respiratory symptoms at all and reported a lot of gastrointestinal issues and just generally feeling blah. But she had a fever and he didn't. Down here, I'm not hearing about stomach issues so much as respiratory symptoms. It's weird. I assume there are slightly different strains accounting for it. 

It's such a weird, weird virus. Granted we are hyperfocused on it so of course we're going to be like "Why aren't the symptoms straightforward??? Why doesn't it present the same way in everyone???"

My psychologist needs to do a further structured interview but she says I'm starting to show signs of PTSD. I'm trying to avoid COVID related discussions. We're looking basically at "Do what you need to do in order to have some normalcy within guidelines". So I may pop in and out but yeah...

[andromeda331]

I'm so sorry. Praying for you and your family @ChiCricket.

[Minivanessa]

@doodlebug, thanks for sharing your CEO's letter. It's very helpful. I have a question about it. He said to "heed these new recommendations from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention." I went to the CDC website to see if I could find the material, but TBH there was so much there that I wasn't sure if I found the right page.

Can you share a link to the recommendations he was referring to? Sorry to put you to the work, but I would like to know. 

Edited November 14, 2020 by Jeeves
formatting and words

[BetyBee]

Wow! I was off of this site for a week and I missed a lot. 

@lookeyloo, I am so very sorry for your loss. Much love to you and your wonderful family in this very difficult time. 

I'm in IL too and the uptick in Covid cases here is truly alarming. Our discussion here brings to mind the part of the Stand where Molly Ringwald and her Dad are listening to Kathy Bates on her talk radio show and people are sharing their horror stories. Minus what happens to KB, of course. We're not at that point and we never will be! I'm not trying to be scary, it's just what comes to mind.

I have to take my Mom to the doc for a regular appt. the week of Thanksgiving. I suspect it may be cancelled. We usually do T-day at my daughter's home in town here. It's a large group and includes my 90 yo Mom. We all agreed to cancel this year. We are on our own, with maybe a zoom visit. I found a small oak table at the curb when I was on a walk and Mr. BB has refinished it. We never eat in the kitchen - it's not big enough, so it's the dining room or the couch for us. But this year we thought we'd sit at the new to us table in the kitchen to eat. We probably won't bother with turkey, but will either have steak or roast chicken, because why not? These little attempts to console ourselves during these hard times, are helpful imo.

I wish peace and good health to every Small Talker. Sharing really does help. ❤️

[doodlebug]

4 hours ago, Jeeves said:

@doodlebug, thanks for sharing your CEO's letter. It's very helpful. I have a question about it. He said to "heed these new recommendations from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention." I went to the CDC website to see if I could find the material, but TBH there was so much there that I wasn't sure if I found the right page.

Can you share a link to the recommendations he was referring to? Sorry to put you to the work, but I would like to know. 

Sure, there were links in his message, but it didn't copy/paste:

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/holidays/thanksgiving.html

There are multiple other links on that page with more suggestions and recommendations.

[Minivanessa]

Thanks, @doodlebug - that is helpful!

[louannems]

2 hours ago, BetyBee said:

Wow! I was off of this site for a week and I missed a lot. 

@lookeyloo, I am so very sorry for your loss. Much love to you and your wonderful family in this very difficult time. 

I'm in IL too and the uptick in Covid cases here is truly alarming. Our discussion here brings to mind the part of the Stand where Molly Ringwald and her Dad are listening to Kathy Bates on her talk radio show and people are sharing their horror stories. Minus what happens to KB, of course. We're not at that point and we never will be! I'm not trying to be scary, it's just what comes to mind.

I have to take my Mom to the doc for a regular appt. the week of Thanksgiving. I suspect it may be cancelled. We usually do T-day at my daughter's home in town here. It's a large group and includes my 90 yo Mom. We all agreed to cancel this year. We are on our own, with maybe a zoom visit. I found a small oak table at the curb when I was on a walk and Mr. BB has refinished it. We never eat in the kitchen - it's not big enough, so it's the dining room or the couch for us. But this year we thought we'd sit at the new to us table in the kitchen to eat. We probably won't bother with turkey, but will either have steak or roast chicken, because why not? These little attempts to console ourselves during these hard times, are helpful imo.

I wish peace and good health to every Small Talker. Sharing really does help. ❤️

Like everywhere, my state's covid-19 cases are also surging dramatically.  A few days ago, our governor and his wife got on TV and begged everyone to stay home for this Thanksgiving and Christmas. Our family had already made this same decision a day before.  I'm so glad we all agreed and no one questioned it.

Thanksgiving is my holiday to host every year.  Only once in my 24 years of marriage did I get out of hosting due to a blizzard.  So I'm really looking forward to just chilling through the holidays.

I've always prepared every dish entirely from scratch.  Well this year, my household of only three has ordered a fully cooked Thanksgiving in a box from the local grocery store!     I'm guessing it'll be Stovetop this and canned that, but you know what?  I'm not going to complain and I will thoroughly enjoy not cooking.  Or excessively cleaning every inch of my house like I normally would to host.

[latetotheparty]

2 minutes ago, louannems said:

I’ve always prepared every dish entirely from scratch.  Well this year, my household of only three has ordered a fully cooked Thanksgiving in a box from the local grocery store!     I'm guessing it'll be Stovetop this and canned that, but you know what?  I'm not going to complain and I will thoroughly enjoy not cooking.  Or excessively cleaning every inch of my house like I normally would to host.

I cook my own turkey breast but get the precooked sides from HyVee and they are AMAZING. You may be surprised. 

[doodlebug]

11 minutes ago, louannems said:

Like everywhere, my state's covid-19 cases are also surging dramatically.  A few days ago, our governor and his wife got on TV and begged everyone to stay home for this Thanksgiving and Christmas. Our family had already made this same decision a day before.  I'm so glad we all agreed and no one questioned it.

Thanksgiving is my holiday to host every year.  Only once in my 24 years of marriage did I get out of hosting due to a blizzard.  So I'm really looking forward to just chilling through the holidays.

I've always prepared every dish entirely from scratch.  Well this year, my household of only three has ordered a fully cooked Thanksgiving in a box from the local grocery store!     I'm guessing it'll be Stovetop this and canned that, but you know what?  I'm not going to complain and I will thoroughly enjoy not cooking.  Or excessively cleaning every inch of my house like I normally would to host.

The local groceries near me do really nice fixings.  I'd be willing to bet it will be homemade-type stuffing and fresh veggies in the dishes you're given.  That's what the couple of places I've used do.  And it's what I'm having on Thanksgiving myself.

[crazy8s]

I talked with son and daughter in law today and professor daughter in NY state. we have given up being together not only thanksgiving but also christmas. we sorted gift ideas and  i ordered everything today to be shipped to their homes. 

DIL dr says her hospital is at capacity and they have people who should be in quarantine still working because there is no one left to work - that is frightening

Edited November 14, 2020 by crazy8s

[iwantcookies]

If I’m alive for Thanksgiving I’m going to air fry some turkey and make sweet potato fries and stuffing. I’d get Chinese food but they are usually closed. 
 

Mmm maybe make some ribs too. 
 

 

[emma675]

I know this is a small and stupid complaint in the grand scheme of everything that's going on in the world but I had to throw out a brand new bag of flour after finding tiny bugs in it again. I've never had that happen in years and this year I've had two bags of just opened flour that have had to be tossed. And they were different bags from different stores. It's so weird and annoying. Next time I'm just making buggy cookies, I give up.

[ChiCricket]

My younger sister called me yesterday (she never does.)

Turns out her daughter and her family have covid right now also.

(They are doing ok so far, thank goodness.)

 My sister said, "that's what she gets for going to M's Halloween party. I told her not to...she's such a stubborn dumbass!!"(M is our brother's daughter.)

  I yelled, "WHAT HALLOWEEN PARTY? SHE SAID SHE WAS CANCELLING IT THIS YEAR!!!" 

 Nope..she still had it, and must have muted me on Facebook so I wouldn't see anything about it.

 I went on my husband's (unused)Facebook account to snoop, and there were pictures of my daughter and my SIL at the party....and nobody was wearing a mask!! 

I am so shocked and disappointed in my daughter's lack of  judgement.

Now I wonder if they got it there and not from his job. 😡

 I don't even want to talk to my daughter right now..because I would go off.

IDIOTS 😠 

My other (Illinois) kids were smart enough not to go.

Edited November 14, 2020 by ChiCricket

[Oldernowiser]

Yikes, ChiCricket. I’d be spitting nails, too. 

If it makes you feel any better, you’re not alone in the Having Idiot Relatives category. My husband’s daughter is some kind of travel agent and about a month ago we heard she was posting bikini shots of her silly self on a “yacht” down in the Caribbean somewhere. They live in the Midwest. Ergo, multiple plane trips were involved. Dumbass. Did I mention she’s almost fifty? 

Okay, bad enough. But she’s an adult...if she and her knuckle-dragger husband want to play Covid roulette, it’s not like my husband could have stopped them. THEN we found out she took two of her sons along, both of whom my husband dotes on. They’re in their late twenties, so yes, technically they’re adults, but JFC.

Annnnd last week we hear both Mr. and Mrs. Dumbass have tested positive. We haven’t heard about the kids.

Gawdamighty. 

[Mindthinkr]

I thought that I was cooking Thanksgiving for Mr Chemo, but he dropped it on me last night that he wants to see his daughter and SIL. He is either going to drive to the mountains to see them or they might come to his house. I’d be invited, but don’t think that’s what I’d like to do.  So I guess my plans are up in the air. That bothers me because I don’t want to have to shop at the last minute (when they are running out of things) if he changes his mind or I have to cook for his family.  I am unwilling to join in any of my family gatherings. Non maskers who are in school or working with the public.  So I may or may not celebrate. If it’s just the cats and me then why bother. A turkey is too much fuss for just me. 

[emma675]

ChiCricket, I'd be pissed, too. My cousin posted pics today of her and her family at a kid's flag football game. Dozens and dozens of kids and adults, without a mask in sight. Another reason I'm not celebrating the holidays with them this year. How are people so stupid?

Mindthinkr, you are not required to cook Thanksgiving dinner for Mr. Chemo if his family comes in. That is their responsibility. 

Edited November 14, 2020 by emma675d

[DangerousMinds]

1 hour ago, iwantcookies said:

If I’m alive for Thanksgiving I’m going to air fry some turkey and make sweet potato fries and stuffing. I’d get Chinese food but they are usually closed. 
 

Mmm maybe make some ribs too. 
 

 

Chinese is popular here on holidays. No Chinese restaurants open in NYC on Thanksgiving?

[Oldernowiser]

9 minutes ago, emma675 said:

Mindthinkr, you are not required to cook Thanksgiving dinner for Mr. Chemo if his family comes in. That is their responsibility. 

This times a zillion. He’s made his plans. Now you make yours and stick to them. Unless this is a situation where this guy pays you and this holiday would be quadruple overtime, he and/or his nasty relatives will just have to figure it out.

Repeat after me: “I have other plans. I have other plans. I have other plans.”

Then stock up on whatever you want and spend the holiday cuddled up with your kitties!

[crazycatlady58]

51 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

I thought that I was cooking Thanksgiving for Mr Chemo, but he dropped it on me last night that he wants to see his daughter and SIL. He is either going to drive to the mountains to see them or they might come to his house. I’d be invited, but don’t think that’s what I’d like to do.  So I guess my plans are up in the air. That bothers me because I don’t want to have to shop at the last minute (when they are running out of things) if he changes his mind or I have to cook for his family.  I am unwilling to join in any of my family gatherings. Non maskers who are in school or working with the public.  So I may or may not celebrate. If it’s just the cats and me then why bother. A turkey is too much fuss for just me. 

I would get a commitment from him soonest. If he changes his mind oh well I guess they can have peanut butter sandwiches. Plan a special meal just for you. I will buy a nice steak and something to go with it. I will have a Turkey but I plan on roasting it and using the meat as lunch at work. I will boil the carcass down and make broth for soup. 

[iwantcookies]

2 hours ago, emma675 said:

I know this is a small and stupid complaint in the grand scheme of everything that's going on in the world but I had to throw out a brand new bag of flour after finding tiny bugs in it again. I've never had that happen in years and this year I've had two bags of just opened flour that have had to be tossed. And they were different bags from different stores. It's so weird and annoying. Next time I'm just making buggy cookies, I give up.

That happened to me before. I assumed it’s because the flour is old.

[iwantcookies]

44 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

Chinese is popular here on holidays. No Chinese restaurants open in NYC on Thanksgiving?

2 near me are closed. 

[Temperance]

2 hours ago, ChiCricket said:

My younger sister called me yesterday (she never does.)

Turns out her daughter and her family have covid right now also.

(They are doing ok so far, thank goodness.)

 My sister said, "that's what she gets for going to M's Halloween party. I told her not to...she's such a stubborn dumbass!!"(M is our brother's daughter.)

  I yelled, "WHAT HALLOWEEN PARTY? SHE SAID SHE WAS CANCELLING IT THIS YEAR!!!" 

 Nope..she still had it, and must have muted me on Facebook so I wouldn't see anything about it.

 I went on my husband's (unused)Facebook account to snoop, and there were pictures of my daughter and my SIL at the party....and nobody was wearing a mask!! 

I am so shocked and disappointed in my daughter's lack of  judgement.

Now I wonder if they got it there and not from his job. 😡

 I don't even want to talk to my daughter right now..because I would go off.

IDIOTS 😠 

My other (Illinois) kids were smart enough not to go.

I think you should call your daughter and give her that piece of her mind! She and her husband not put their family at risk, but also everyone they came into contact with including the doctors/nurses/hospital staff, who are treating them.

[iwantcookies]

I live in a large apartment building. 90% of tenants do not wear a mask inside the building. 
 

I don’t know why no one wants to wear a mask and stay home. How many people need to die before everyone takes it seriously. Sigh.

[Jenniferbug]

4 hours ago, latetotheparty said:

I cook my own turkey breast but get the precooked sides from HyVee and they are AMAZING. You may be surprised. 

Waves to my fellow midwesterner! 😆😊

@ChiCricket, I would be FURIOUS too! What on earth were they thinking!!

My extended family is not taking it seriously at all. I don't see them often, but my parents used to. They don't have Facebook so they don't see the stupidity, but my sister and I have both made it very clear to my mom that they are to avoid them and she said they are. I'm pretty sure I can trust her since I got my germaphobe tendencies from her!

I have a friend who acts like covid isn't contagious if you're related. She complains about people in stores not wearing masks, but then she's going to family birthday parties, baby showers, weddings, weekly dinners, etc. I'm just waiting for them to come down with it. Another friend and I have tried to talk sense into her but that did nothing but anger her, so we've stopped.

[Mindthinkr]

Update:  Mr Chemo’s family is coming. She works on Thanksgiving so dinner will be Friday. They understand his lack of immunity and I trust they have kept to themselves. That still doesn’t mean that I’m going to get close or hug anyone. I’m not. So I said to him that I supposed he is cooking a turkey. He stated he sure as hell is not that I’m supposed to be cooking 🙄 I hope he is at least buying all the food. I don’t mind pitching in, but his family his expense. His daughter is 50. Why can’t she cook...ah because she is a vegetarian. I’m already over this holiday and it’s still over 10 days away. God give me strength. 
I’m not feeling myself lately. Not sick or anything, but I definitely have the blahs. 

[Oldernowiser]

Mr. Wiser and I have looked at the statistics and decided to revert to lockdown mode until January. We bought a small freezer and I ordered enough food to be delivered to get us through a month. 
We’ll still do a masked weekly trip to our post office box and walk the dogs around the mall parking lot early before it opens when no one else is around. But in-person shopping or errands are out until next year. I will just live with my shaggy crazy old lady hair!
We are so fortunate in that we CAN stay home and if it means we won’t risk infection or infecting others or use up medical resources, it’s worth that small inconvenience. 
I so hope you all stay safe and well!
 

[emmawoodhouse]

@Mindthinkr, OMG, would he actually expect YOU to buy food for HIS family? That's insane. And no, you shouldn't be cooking for them, either. Stay strong! 

As for all the Covid deniers, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. How many more people are going to have to die before some take this seriously? 

Edited November 15, 2020 by emmawoodhouse

[Scarlett45]

Hey everyone- it’s been a crazy day. You know how home repairs come in threes? Well my bathtub drain had to be routed, the dryer motor was about to die (and you know we do laundry her 24/7/365 because of my sister) and then I hit the garage door (I thought it was all the way up and it wasn’t) and I had to have the cables replaced and it put on the track. Well my emotional shopping is done for 2020 that’s for sure!

[Oldernowiser]

17 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

Update:  Mr Chemo’s family is coming. She works on Thanksgiving so dinner will be Friday. They understand his lack of immunity and I trust they have kept to themselves. That still doesn’t mean that I’m going to get close or hug anyone. I’m not. So I said to him that I supposed he is cooking a turkey. He stated he sure as hell is not that I’m supposed to be cooking 🙄 I hope he is at least buying all the food. I don’t mind pitching in, but his family his expense. His daughter is 50. Why can’t she cook...ah because she is a vegetarian. I’m already over this holiday and it’s still over 10 days away. God give me strength. 
I’m not feeling myself lately. Not sick or anything, but I definitely have the blahs. 

Sweetie? Remind me again why everything is your problem to solve with this situation? He can order the whole meal in from a restaurant or the grocery store. Or he can eat whatever his vegetarian daughter whips up. Or he can open a can of tuna. Or a jar of peanut butter.
Obviously I don’t know them or you, but it just seems like you’re being exploited by all of them. Is it worth it?

[iwantcookies]

1 hour ago, Mindthinkr said:

Update:  Mr Chemo’s family is coming. She works on Thanksgiving so dinner will be Friday. They understand his lack of immunity and I trust they have kept to themselves. That still doesn’t mean that I’m going to get close or hug anyone. I’m not. So I said to him that I supposed he is cooking a turkey. He stated he sure as hell is not that I’m supposed to be cooking 🙄 I hope he is at least buying all the food. I don’t mind pitching in, but his family his expense. His daughter is 50. Why can’t she cook...ah because she is a vegetarian. I’m already over this holiday and it’s still over 10 days away. God give me strength. 
I’m not feeling myself lately. Not sick or anything, but I definitely have the blahs. 

I would tell them to F off and stay home. Relax at home don’t stress yourself out. COVID is the perfect excuse.
 

I agree they can buy a cooked turkey meal from a grocery store or Boston Market. 

[Mindthinkr]

39 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

Is it worth it?

I’m beginning to think that it isn’t. Every day I wait on him and there is no reward for me other than to see him live well. My friends don’t care for him (they know more than y’all do). I think I need a break. It’s not like I can say bye and take a trip as I have done in the past when I have reached my limit. Fresh Market is offering a whole meal deal for Thanksgiving. I think he needs to do it. My blahs might be telling me that I’m burnt out. Heck, I wouldn’t even mind staying home and popping in a microwave turkey dinner. 

[Oldernowiser]

6 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

Heck, I wouldn’t even mind staying home and popping in a microwave turkey dinner. 

I remember the day? Weekend? That you didn’t dance to his tune and instead took care of yourself. As I recall, multiple naps were involved. You sounded so much more relaxed.

YOU TAKE CARE OF YOU. His family’s bizarre dysfunction is NOT yours to fix.

 

[emma675]

Mindthinkr, you may be experiencing caregiver burn out. I know you care for this man but as you said, you are not his family (and they sound like selfish jerks) and you are getting nothing out of bending over backwards for him. I say he and his family are on their own for Thanksgiving and they can figure it out. It needs to be a day of rest and relaxation for you. Enough is enough. 

[CherryMalotte]

chicricket - I feel your pain.  Our kids do the most outstandingly reckless and stupid shit at times.  I'm with ya honey.

I'm with everybody else Mindthinkr - eff 'em.  Give him the phone number to that  Turkey Dinner thing to set it up and say sayonara for a couple of days.  If you want steak, make yourself steak, or hot dogs with pork n beans.  Do something for yourself.  Chill out that whole holiday weekend.  His family is coming, let them deal with him.  

I did three holidays dinners for years, and sometimes four for family - mostly because the mini Malotte was a baby and I didn't feel like dragging her everywhere.  Turkey Day, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Easter.  My mom and grandma would always bring food mind you, but I was proving the lions share and the house.  I remember how bitchy my grandmother got when I finally said nope, I'm done, I'm taking a break.  She was really put out the one year also when I did roast beef sandwiches from Portillos and not the big huge dinner.   My one uncle only hosted Easter once, and the other never, though one X-mas when I became very ill he did manage to have my grandmother to dinner.  I look forward to the holidays more now that we can actually relax and have time away from work with no added entertaining pressures.  Peace and quiet means a whole lot more now than it ever did.  

 

[ChiCricket]

@Temperance I sent her this message hours ago. (She won't answer my calls, she knows the jig is up)

"S, how come I had to find out from someone else that M had a Halloween party, and that you went to it? And wtf..NO f'ing masks?! What.the.hell.😢 (don't deny it, I saw all the pictures)"😡

so far no response.

11 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

My blahs might be telling me that I’m burnt out

 Your blahs (depression) are what my therapist told me long ago  is "anger turned inward."

I don't know what your situation is with your husband, but as she explained it to me,

I didn't feel safe showing my (then) alcoholic husband how angry I was at him becoming abusive whenever he got drunk. He scared me.

So instead I turned that anger inward and became so depressed I had to be hospitalized (more than once.) 

Well, I didn't mean to write a book..just meant to say look inward  and see if you might be harboring unexpressed anger that is making you feel "blah." ❤

Edited November 15, 2020 by ChiCricket

[GeeGolly]

@Mindthinkr. if I may be bold. Is Mr Chemo your boyfriend? Are you his paid PCA?

And one other question, what would be your ideal Thanksgiving this year?

[Mindthinkr]

4 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

@Mindthinkr. if I may be bold. Is Mr Chemo your boyfriend? Are you his paid PCA?

And one other question, what would be your ideal Thanksgiving this year?

Mr Chemo is my next door neighbor. I am not compensated for anything that I do for him and he has a lot more money than I do. He is cheap. He thinks being in his presence is a gift. He buys himself roses every week. I got 1 rose on the day I met him. His daughter was nice and made me a basket of goodies last time she visited as a thank you for driving her dad to chemo and waiting on him hand and foot. Boyfriend...nope. I have a personal issue with him. He doesn’t believe in deodorant. I can’t imagine getting “close” to a man that stinks. Even his kids have tried to get him to do something about his BO, but have I mentioned that he is stubborn and set in his ways? We are more like best-ish friends. Everyone thinks of us as a couple in our neighborhood. We are the only singles and the women are very protective of their husbands. Judging by how I’ve been leered at, I’d say with good reason. (Trust me I’m very modest in my dress and never flirt...I’ve been on the other side of that when my ex couldn’t keep it in his pants)  I would be left out of everything without him. He was here a decade or more before I arrived. So I go along with it and it usually works. So I don’t have a label for our relationship. I just shop (he can and does go out shopping) cook and clean. I sometimes think I’m like a wife with no benefits. Especially when he has company (his best friends stay in a bubble so that they can see him during Covid) and I have to cook and clean after all of them. Eh, I don’t want to write a book here. I think y’all get the picture. 
    In a perfect world I’d have Thanksgiving with my family. Sadly I can’t trust them (non-maskers) during these times. You remember that my grandson had it and now my SIL’s Mom has it. I’m going to talk to him tonight about ordering from Fresh Market. I told him (am phone check in) that I have the blahs. He says suck it up and start accomplishing things; that it would make me feel better. An ounce of empathy or warmth would go a long way, but he’s a cold one. All about facts, and setting aside personal feelings. I’ll let you know later if this went over like a lead balloon. 

 

[louannems]

2 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

Mr Chemo is my next door neighbor. I am not compensated for anything that I do for him and he has a lot more money than I do. He is cheap. He thinks being in his presence is a gift. He buys himself roses every week. I got 1 rose on the day I met him. His daughter was nice and made me a basket of goodies last time she visited as a thank you for driving her dad to chemo and waiting on him hand and foot. Boyfriend...nope. I have a personal issue with him. He doesn’t believe in deodorant. I can’t imagine getting “close” to a man that stinks. Even his kids have tried to get him to do something about his BO, but have I mentioned that he is stubborn and set in his ways? We are more like best-ish friends. Everyone thinks of us as a couple in our neighborhood. We are the only singles and the women are very protective of their husbands. Judging by how I’ve been leered at, I’d say with good reason. (Trust me I’m very modest in my dress and never flirt...I’ve been on the other side of that when my ex couldn’t keep it in his pants)  I would be left out of everything without him. He was here a decade or more before I arrived. So I go along with it and it usually works. So I don’t have a label for our relationship. I just shop (he can and does go out shopping) cook and clean. I sometimes think I’m like a wife with no benefits. Especially when he has company (his best friends stay in a bubble so that they can see him during Covid) and I have to cook and clean after all of them. Eh, I don’t want to write a book here. I think y’all get the picture. 
    In a perfect world I’d have Thanksgiving with my family. Sadly I can’t trust them (non-maskers) during these times. You remember that my grandson had it and now my SIL’s Mom has it. I’m going to talk to him tonight about ordering from Fresh Market. I told him (am phone check in) that I have the blahs. He says suck it up and start accomplishing things; that it would make me feel better. An ounce of empathy or warmth would go a long way, but he’s a cold one. All about facts, and setting aside personal feelings. I’ll let you know later if this went over like a lead balloon. 

 

Sorry but I think I would move!

[Oldernowiser]

So in order for your neighbors to accept you, you have to continue being an unpaid, unthanked (I should freaking hope she bought you a gift basket FFS), emotionally and verbally abused full-time caretaker for a smelly, demanding old man?

Yep. Time to move. Or it’s time to make his family step up and move him into a care facility or hire an actual caregiver, because this is bullshit. 

My guess is you’re saving them about $50-60,000 a year and they’re just as happy to keep that money in his estate and continue to exploit you instead. Shame on them!

At the very least, start backing away? Develop a mythical and vaguely embarrassing gynecological condition you can use to excuse yourself from care duty...few people have the gall to question that too closely. Or migraines. Or SOMETHING.

Because this is bullshit. Yes, I said that before, but it really deserves saying twice. At least.

[Jynnan tonnix]

It will just be our little core family group for Thanksgiving here, same as any weekend. I'm pretty excited to be trying a new recipe I found in Cook's magazine, though. Since it will just be six of us including a toddler and a vegetarian, and those of us who eat meat prefer dark meat, I'm opting for just getting turkey thighs, and doing a turkey thigh confit cooked in duck fat (it's really not the heart attack on a plate that it sounds like when all is said and done! LOL). The thighs are cured for 4-6 days prior in a blend of seasonings, and cooked sous vide (Mr Jyn got me the sous vide machine I wanted for Christmas early!) in the fat, then given a quick broil to crisp up the skin. It looks really decadent, so I hope it's as good as it looks. 

I'll be doing a bunch of cooking in the couple of days prior, though, because we are donating a bunch of Thanksgiving food (turkeys, gravy and pies) to the local Submarine Veterans' club. I'm not sure how they are working their Thanksgiving dinner this year, but they do a lot for the older subvets who often don't have a lot of resources.

[GeeGolly]

Friendships are like marriages. There should be give and take, not just take. As I've mentioned before, relationships fluctuate where at times one person is putting in more effort because that's what is needed at the time, but it should be needed, not demanded, and it should be appreciated. 

@Mindthinkr, I wonder if your thoughts of being excluded in your neighborhood happenings are still true now that you've been there a while. Maybe host a backyard gathering with a couple of neighbors and establish yourself as an individual rather than Mr Chemo's friend and see what happens.

Kudos to you for having such a big heart. Maybe its time to be as gracious to yourself as you are to Mr Chemo.

[ouinason]

Yes, you are a very nice person to help your neighbor, but now he's just taking advantage of you.

[Zella]

@Mindthinkr, I think your neighbor and his family are assholes who are taking advantage of your kind nature. 😞

[doodlebug]

20 hours ago, DangerousMinds said:

Chinese is popular here on holidays. No Chinese restaurants open in NYC on Thanksgiving?

Here in the midwest, virtually ALL Chinese restaurants will be open.  For that matter, a ton of other restaurants are going to be open for carry-out at least.  I was looking for a local place to get carry-out on Thanksgiving and there are at least 5 within a mile of me here in suburbia.  Hard to believe that NYC  doesn't have at least that many options.

[louannems]

2 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

Here in the midwest, virtually ALL Chinese restaurants will be open.  For that matter, a ton of other restaurants are going to be open for carry-out at least.  I was looking for a local place to get carry-out on Thanksgiving and there are at least 5 within a mile of me here in suburbia.  Hard to believe that NYC  doesn't have at least that many options.

In a minute our governor will be talking about new restrictions.  Sources say in house dining will once again be banned.

[Oldernowiser]

@louannems, I think you must also live in Washington state?

“Governor Inslee, Sunday morning, ordered restaurants and bars to shutdown indoor service and to limit outdoor service to parties of five or less. Indoor gyms and fitness centers must also shutdown. Same with movie theaters, bowling alleys and museums. Indoor gatherings with people outside your household will be prohibited unless participants have quarantined and tested negative.

”Indoor gatherings, outside one’s household, are prohibited unless participants quarantine for 14 days prior to the gathering or quarantine for seven days prior and receive a negative COVID-19 test within two days of the planned gathering.”

This is the most severe set of restrictions since lockdown last spring.
We have a statewide mask mandate, but like everywhere, that’s only as helpful as compliance and/or enforcement. Part of our decision to return ourselves to lockdown was Mr. Wiser watching a maskless woman in Safeway pawing through the broccoli last week. Lovely.

 

[doodlebug]

18 minutes ago, louannems said:

In a minute our governor will be talking about new restrictions.  Sources say in house dining will once again be banned.

I think that many politicians are going to try to avoid tightening things up before Thanksgiving.  Ohio's governor has become very slow to add new restrictions even though much of the state should be at level purple based on the numbers.