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Small Talk: The Prayer Closet


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I feel so stupid. It happened again. Only this time I called the cops and they took him to jail. The cops said i could stay here

 I feel awful and I don't know what to do. I'm going to call the numbers but I still feel just terrible. Like I'm the most horrible  person in the world. 

Edited by beckie
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4 minutes ago, beckie said:

I feel so stupid. It happened again. Only this time I called the cops and they took him to jail. The cops said could stay here

 I feel awful and I don't know what to do. I'm going to call the numbers but I still feel just terrible. Like I'm the most horrible  person in the world. 

Oh, sweetie. In codependency recovery we say, “You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it.” His behavior is HIS responsibility, not yours, not ever. 

PLEASE call those numbers. They can help. 

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
 

 

6F0EEB3E-31FC-4544-8A38-0289FFDC3408.gif

Edited by Oldernowiser
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7 minutes ago, beckie said:

I feel so stupid. It happened again. Only this time I called the cops and they took him to jail. The cops said i could stay here

 I feel awful and I don't know what to do. I'm going to call the numbers but I still feel just terrible. Like I'm the most horrible  person in the world. 

Beckie, you are not a horrible person.  You are a person of worth. You don't deserve his treatment of you. There are people who know how to help you. Get in touch with the domestic violence helpline. Immediately! Praying for you!

Edited by Liddy52
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14 minutes ago, beckie said:

I feel so stupid. It happened again. Only this time I called the cops and they took him to jail. The cops said i could stay here

 I feel awful and I don't know what to do. I'm going to call the numbers but I still feel just terrible. Like I'm the most horrible  person in the world. 

NO! You are not horrible. You are a wonderful valuable human being who deserves to feel safe and secure. He's a POS who seriously assaulted you.

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I am proud of you for calling the police. YOU ARE NOT STUPID!!! You are a person of worth and no one I repeat no one should touch you in anyway except in love. It does not matter what you do or say you should not be touched in anger. He is the only one who has control of himself. Please do not put off calling the phone numbers. You need to keep yourself safe. 

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Beckie, you did the right thing.  In time, you'll see that. Situations in the home can be complicated.  People feel the way they feel and you may not be able to change your feelings overnight, but, staying safe is the most important thing. An expert in domestic violence is the key. They have specific information that is designed for people in your situation.  It is knowledge. Knowledge is power.  Knowing your options and what to focus on right now is invaluable.  You do have choices and the more you learn, the more power you will have.  

Edited by SunnyBeBe
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Just took my first antibiotic pill, with food and lots of water.  I don't think I've had this kind before. I asked for Bactrim, which, I took last time, but, he prescribed Microbid.  My mom is allergic, so, I have Benedryl handy.  I really don't need an ER trip tonight.  I had an allergic reaction to Clindomyiacin once and got terrible rash.  

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2 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Just took my first antibiotic pill, with food and lots of water.  I don't think I've had this kind before. I asked for Bactrim, which, I took last time, but, he prescribed Microbid.  My mom is allergic, so, I have Benedryl handy.  I really don't need an ER trip tonight.  I had an allergic reaction to Clindomyiacin once and got terrible rash.  

As long as your pharmacy has your allergies in their computer, you really don't need to worry.  Their software is designed to flag any possible allergies or contraindications based on the information you provide.  

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@lookeyloo, I am so so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you mean about if it hadn't been so awful it would have been beautiful. My entire immediate family was able to keep a 24/7 vigil in my mom's room at the nursing home for the 6 days prior to her death and being able to have had that time together has been comforting to me in the 13 years since. There was definitely beauty and meaning in that week that, strangely enough, I sometimes think of fondly. I hope you can take comfort from what beauty you were able to find.

Edited by jcbrown
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@beckie, your feeling bad is part of the cycle of abuse. Your partner has likely been subtly, or not so subtly, crushing your self-esteem and blaming you for everything. It is very common for someone in an unhealthy relationship to feel this way. Your partner's behaviors are a reflection of him - not you.

Please reach out to a local domestic violence agency. The sooner, the better. Start the connection now, so you'll be comfortable with the supports as you figure out the next steps. 

And please know you're not alone. This happens to women of all walks of life. There is happiness after unhealthy relationships. Hang in there. You got this.

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3 hours ago, beckie said:

I feel so stupid. It happened again. Only this time I called the cops and they took him to jail. The cops said i could stay here

 I feel awful and I don't know what to do. I'm going to call the numbers but I still feel just terrible. Like I'm the most horrible  person in the world. 

You are not stupid. You did the right thing to call the police and I'm glad you are planning to call the domestic violence support numbers. Abuse can happen to anyone, in any walk of life and you are not alone. It takes strength and courage to take the steps seek help and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Much love to you, @beckie.

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I had to delay my Christmas decorating for several reasons....one is the heat. I hate decorating for Christmas with the air conditioner on. Plus, I got busy with work. Worked most all weekends for the last two. And, I can’t find the right ribbon to trail through the tree. Sometimes, that really makes a basic tree an incredible tree. The ribbon is a plaid of red, white and black.  I wish I had bought several of the bows weeks ago...All gone now:(. I’ve looked in many stores AND on line. I could unravel the bow and use the ribbon., but not enough. 
 

I hate to admit defeat when I have a vision on a project.  This is my theme. The plaid I’m searching for is the ribbon in the bow on far left! I haven’t decorated yet. Just plopped the stuff on the couch to see how it would work together.  If you see any online, please let me know. 
 

 

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@beckie Please do not blame yourself. Get yourself to a Domestic Violence Shelter for classes as soon as possible. They will help you to really understand why you feel the way you do. Abusers program their victims, and you need to break the cycle. My heart is full of empathy for what you are going through. Instead of an ending you can look at this as a new beginning. Maybe not tonight, but hopefully soon. You are worth so much more than being a victim. If you can’t do it for yourself please do it for me. 

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@beckie, I'm with all the rest of us. You're not bad, this isn't your fault, you can't control someone else's behavior, and you need to call those numbers for advice, support, and help. Please take care of yourself and stay safe.

@SunnyBeBe, you have such a good eye! I hope you find your ribbon and can carry out your decorating ideas to your satisfaction. Very classy stuff there!

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Thank you for your good wishes, everybody! It means a lot.

The exam went alright -- the multiple choice questions were killer, but the problem sets were pretty good. I have no idea if I passed or failed, but at least the exam has officially been taken 😁

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2 hours ago, rue721 said:

Thank you for your good wishes, everybody! It means a lot.

The exam went alright -- the multiple choice questions were killer, but the problem sets were pretty good. I have no idea if I passed or failed, but at least the exam has officially been taken 😁

Break out the beverage of choice and celebrate - you made it through, which is an accomplishment no matter what the outcome (which I bet is great)!

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2 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:

Break out the beverage of choice and celebrate - you made it through, which is an accomplishment no matter what the outcome (which I bet is great)!

Hear Here Marge Gunderson. I’ll toast Rue with you 🥂💛🍺

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I am really frustrated with people not complying with mask rules and just so down about Covid. My daughters have been doing virtual school this year, but I kept them in their in-person dance classes because the classes were kept small enough to socially distance the kids 6 feet, and masks for kids 5 and up are required now that classes are inside (they held outdoor classes for as long as the weather was good). However, my daughters seem to be some of the only students keeping their masks on for the whole class and wearing them properly (not pulled down below the nose). The teachers do not insist the students keep them on or wear them properly, and the parents don't, either, as they watch their kids run into the building with masks hanging below their chins. We've already emailed the owners last week about the mask noncompliance and they said they intend to enforce it and will speak to the teachers...but this week was worse, as my older daughter's teacher told them masks were optional and my child was one of the only kids to keep hers on. There are a high number of anti-mask people in our community and I suspect we may be one of the only dance families who strongly supports the masking rule, thus the lax enforcement as I imagine the studio doesn't want to lose business. We emailed again, and pending their response I am now considering pulling my daughters from dance as I no longer feel comfortable with them attending and it really upsets me. I see pictures all over social media of people's kids getting together maskless and post-sporting events all hugging with masks below their chins and it makes me feel like I'm depriving my children of everything while others are just living their lives like nothing has changed. ☹

But the infection numbers in our county are now the highest they've been since this all began. My husband works in a hospital, and Covid patients are again taking over multiple floors of both our local hospitals and they are talking about shutting down elective surgeries again. We are worried because, while my husband normally works in the rehab unit and is generally not dealing with patients with an active Covid infection, when the hospital was at the prior Covid peak in the spring he was pulled to work in the ER and ICU with patients on respirators. He was so afraid of infecting the rest of us that he stayed isolated in my parents' basement apartment for over two months until hospitalizations slowed down and he was able to work only in the rehab unit as usual. We're afraid he's going to start being pulled to the ICU again and we'll be spending the holidays apart with him in my parents' basement once more. His cousin, who works as a physical therapy assistant, was just diagnosed with Covid after talking with an infected patient in his office with both of them masked, and has now spread it to the rest of his family as well. That's my worst fear about having a member of my family working in healthcare. It is all just so frustrating.

And while I am very fortunate to still have a job given that my company has done two rounds of layoffs this year, I am now on my fifth new manager in the last four years. I like her just fine so far, but like every other manager before her, she wants me to change pretty much everything I'm doing to suit her sensibilities (I'm a digital marketing data analyst, and every manager I've had seems to want reporting in a different format, different time frames, different means of sharing results, different ideas of what's important to measure), and I'm just so massively burned out and struggling to completely rethink all my established work routines right now. I was hoping at first that all the changes would serve as a distraction and keep me super engaged in work all day and be a positive challenge, but it's just not happening. I have two weeks off scheduled at Christmas and am just counting the days until I get there.

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TheHorseofPower, I GET where you’re coming from. The lack of mask compliance is inexcusable.  It doesn’t surprise me though. Your fear and frustration is reasonable. Does your state have a mandate on mask usage? Or how many can gather inside?  Our state just went back down to a limit of 10 gathering inside.  Are they violating the law?  I’m the type to maybe push it, to ensure they comply, but, that’s a personal decision.  It’s a sensitive thing for some people.  I have found that MANY retail store employees are wearing their mask below their nose. I mean, come on....you know they know better. I have left stores, gotten into my car and called back to the store to report it to the manager. It might be a waste of time, but I do it.  I could be video taping and posting it online. Maybe that would help. A lot of customers do it too.  With such poor compliance, no wonder covid is spiking.  
 

Our family has already decided to not have our large family gathering for Thanksgiving. Maybe, Zoom or FT.  I hope your family members can avoid getting sick on their jobs. My niece got covid from a college classmate.  Not sure if masked.

My work has gotten really intense lately, but I hope to catch up in a week or two. I too look forward to a little break. I have some things I want to do like recharge and stop stressing.  Meeting other people’s expectations can be exhausting and frustrating. Your job sounds quite challenging. 

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@rue721 - I hope you got a good night's sleep after the test. Yay, you!

@thehorseofpower - what a cluster of stuff to deal with. I think you're being reasonable about your kids' dance classes, and IMO you are not overreacting at all. I hope your husband doesn't end up back in that basement apartment. The current increase in COVID cases and hospitalizations is real and damn scary. I have two relatives who are first responders (cop and firefighter/EMT). Recently the firefighter spent two weeks off the job and quarantining at home because one of his shift crew got COVID. He's okay but the dangers are real.

I'm sorry about your job changes. I'm working a temporary assignment for a company and with a team where I've worked a lot in the last few years. It's been 100% at home of course since mid-March; I like these people and generally enjoy the work. I'm retired but after a few years I got bored and started doing temp jobs, landed with these folks and although I'm not practicing law I'm working with legal matters in a support role which is fine. Not lawyer money but not lawyer stress. HOWEVER. It was in the works for a year so no surprise, but a completely new tech system of handling the matters/documents I help with, went live recently. As expected there are glitches, and I'm having to cope with that reality. I no longer enjoy logging on and starting work because I can no longer jump in and just quickly handle things to help people. I'm on a learning curve and getting frustrated. If I'd had to re-do my whole work like you have, multiple times, I woulda really lost it. Yikes.

@SunnyBeBe - I'm not sure who in our local family will do what at Thanksgiving, but I have already made it clear that I will be here at home alone that day. I'm not the only one who's decided against attending a gathering of the dozen-plus of us if one is held.

I'm also appalled by people not wearing masks. I'm lucky to live in a place where there's a lot of compliance. But still. The other day I went to the supermarket, where mask compliance looked total. Until I was leaving. There was a uniformed police officer standing in the entry lobby. He was standing there looking at something on his phone. No mask. Not even a pulled-down mask. Lord help us.

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Thank you to all those who served. 
 

I am enjoying my day off today, eating breakfast, working out (I took 2 days off after my 21 day challenge and I think I’ll be doing another one), taking my LV in for repair. 
 

Then taking my mom to physical therapy. 

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I will join others in a huge thank you for those who served and are currently serving in the military, which includes my maternal grandfather.  May he rest in peace. He joined the Navy way underage and went to The Philippines. My baby brother also served in the Navy years ago, as did one uncle.  Another uncle served in the Air Force.  

Rue, so glad your exam is over.  Fingers crossed.

Marypat, so glad your niece has recovered.  Thank God for those healthcare workers. 

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Agree, my thanks to all veterans past and present.

As the holidays approach my annoyance with others not following the safety protocols grows. Annoyance with a touch of anger and a skoosh of jealousy. 

Some folks are clueless, some are careless and some are selfish and I'm tired of it. Does everyone walk around thinking they could not possibly be asymptomatic or presymptomatic? I just don't get it. 42 states are red zones already, after the holidays its going to be worse. TX is is nearing 100 deaths a day and has reached 1 million cases. 

Sorry for the rant, I'm tired and I'm pissed.

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12 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

Some folks are clueless, some are careless and some are selfish and I'm tired of it. Does everyone walk around thinking they could not possibly be asymptomatic or presymptomatic? I just don't get it. 42 states are red zones already, after the holidays its going to be worse. TX is is nearing 100 deaths a day and has reached 1 million cases. 

I'm hoping the CDC finally saying that mask wearing also protects the mask wearer will help some of the anti-mask crowd to show a little self-interest in protecting themselves.

https://edition.cnn.com/2020/11/10/health/masks-cdc-updated-guidance/index.html

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17 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

Agree, my thanks to all veterans past and present.

As the holidays approach my annoyance with others not following the safety protocols grows. Annoyance with a touch of anger and a skoosh of jealousy. 

Some folks are clueless, some are careless and some are selfish and I'm tired of it. Does everyone walk around thinking they could not possibly be asymptomatic or presymptomatic? I just don't get it. 42 states are red zones already, after the holidays its going to be worse. TX is is nearing 100 deaths a day and has reached 1 million cases. 

Sorry for the rant, I'm tired and I'm pissed.

Rant away. I'm also tired, and occasionally pissed. So come over here and sit right next to me.

I'm trying not to absolutely dread the next three or four months, but man it's hard.

First, it's going to be winter here and I don't like winter.

Second, my plans to escape winter, or at least January/February, by hauling *ss down to the desert SW and finding cheap places to camp in my minivan: scrubbed by the pandemic.

Third: regular activities here at home are so changed by the pandemic, and IMO you're a fool or an *sshole if you ignore the pandemic so there's that.

Fourth: I tend to get seasonal affective disorder by January, anyway.

I'll spare you all the rest of my stupid list. I think I'll be fine being home alone on Thanksgiving because TBH it's not a holiday I particularly like. I'm not big into Christmas in general, but its one redeeming feature is our family getting together on Christmas Eve and most of us also spending time including a nice dinner on Christmas Day. I will miss that if it doesn't happen, and the case numbers don't lie. I don't know that it will be any better five or six weeks from now.

Edited by Jeeves
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Glad to hear I'm not the only one frustrated with mask-refusers and generally feeling angry and jealous toward those who seem to be living their lives as normal. 🙁

The dance school called today after receiving our email, and said they are committed to enforcing the mask rules and have communicated again with all of their teachers. Told them if we see maskless children going into the next class we attend we are going home. They also said they plan to start offering Zoom classes as an option again as they did last spring, so we could potentially pull both kids from live classes but still get them a bit of exercise and instruction. That is a relief.

@Absolom, I wonder if that news about masks protecting the wearer will help. Sad that people would have to be told masks help them and not just others to get them to comply. The lack of care and empathy for others displayed during this whole pandemic has got to be one of the worst parts for me. I'm a massive introvert who can handle the endless staying at home, but the crappiness of humanity really has me down.

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My state has had a huge increase in covid cases, to the point where our metro area hospitals have issued warnings that they are at capacity. My particular county is close to 23% for positive cases at the moment. I have been proctoring kindergarten and 2nd grade regular classroom instruction for my children as well as their specials like art, music, etc all through various apps. And I have 7 different alarms set on my phone to keep track of their various Zoom meetings. With hospitals and cases where they are, the girls won't be going back to school regardless of what the superintendent decides (he mentioned in his initial announcement that being above 20% wasn't a guarantee we'd stay virtual- he's been trying to do away with the virtual option entirely unless there's a medical reason). So this is how it is for the foreseeable future. My husband still has to go to the building every day to teach from his classroom rather than from home.

Simultaneously, my workplace is going through a massive restructuring and our jobs are completely changing. Some people are leaving our team, lots of people are joining, they're automating processes left and right...and no one seems to truly have any idea what's happening or how it's all going to work. I'm incredibly lucky that my team lead, supervisor, and manager will stay the same. They're not always my favorite people, but they're all mothers who understand that right now I am struggling to be the best mom and the best employee I can be, and falling short in both areas. They've never made me feel guilty for needing to be a mom first, and compared to my old job (technically with the system but different area), it's a relief. 

I talked with my sister and my mom about upcoming holidays, and we decided no to Thanksgiving this year, but have decided to do a late Christmas at the end of school breaks. We figure this gives us all a chance to quarantine ourselves before getting together. Without knowing what her school and my school will do, it seemed safest to plan for January. At least we have that to look forward to. 

I agree with all of you that it is SO HARD to see others living their lives like nothing is happening. I start to almost gaslight myself- "am I overreacting? Maybe it would be ok to go/do XYZ?" but then the hospitals announce we're at capacity and I snap out of it. Sadly I think some people aren't going to take it seriously until they or someone very close to them experiences how terrible it can be.

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my mom has been calling me everyday trying to decide if she should go to my sister's for thanksgiving. it involves sister and husband who are both working, one son and his family coming from wisconsin, one from florida, one who has two young children who are back to virtual school/day care. they all went to a wedding last weekend

She knows the right choice but wants me to make it so she can blame me somehow. not a game i will play.

we have done what my daughter calls "anti thanksgiving' for years. smoked ribs or grilled steaks etc. this year just me and mr crazy - we are having lasagna.

son and DIL are doing football party day. snacks and the kids are making pizzas. they will maybe not remember that year covid ruined thanksgiving and instead remember with joy that year they did pizza and snack thanksgiving like it was super bowl sunday

 

Edited by crazy8s
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13 minutes ago, crazy8s said:

my mom has been calling me everyday trying to decide if she should go to my sister's for thanksgiving. iii involves sister and husband who are both working, one son and his family coming from wisconsin, one from florida, one who has two young children who are back to virtual school/day care. they all went to a wedding last weekend

She knows the right choice but wants me to make it so she can blame me somehow. not a game i will play.

we have done what my daughter calls "anti thanksgiving for years. smoked ribs or grilled steaks etc. this year just me and mr crazy - we are having lasagna.

son and DIL are doing football party day. snacks and the kids are making pizzas. they will maybe not remember that year covid ruined thanksgiving and instead remember with joy that year they did pizza and snack thanksgiving like it was super bowl sunday

 

She needs to say no. Let her blame you. At least she won’t get sick.

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Many thanks and gratitude to all of the men and women who have served and continue to serve our country, especially those who made the ultimate sacrifice.  We owe you a debt that can never be repaid.  My father served with the US Army during WWII, both as a paratrooper in the European theater and with the American occupation forces in Japan.

As a side note, on the Today show this morning, I heard the story of an Army Sargent, Alwyn Cashe , who made the ultimate sacrifice in Iraq/Afghanistan .  He has been recommended for the Medal of Honor.  Hopefully his family will be able to receive it in his name very soon.

 

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I'm in Texas, we're a mess as the news states. I have to go to a work meeting in person for a few hours tomorrow and I go back and forth between being excited to see two people from work for the first time since March and nervous about being in a small crowd (there will be 6 of us at a film shoot). I hate all of this. Plus, my crazy conservative aunt is blaming all of the wrong people and events for the family not being together for Thanksgiving this year. She's a sometime mask wearer and I want to tell her she's the problem and the reason for us being apart this year. 

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I have to appear in court tomorrow, but, it should be a quick thing. There aren’t many people there at all. It’s a very large space...lobby size of a mall. And, I only have to go into one smaller room that’s still really large. No one crowds you in at all.  But, I’m not going back for a while.  Not worth it. And, I’m meeting with a client in my office tomorrow. I’ll disinfect, run air purifier, masks, sit 10 feet apart, etc., but that is my last in person meeting until I get the vaccine. Only Online meetings til then. It’s not worth it.

I just found out my nephew is also covid positive.  He and his sis are both sick and coughing.  Sis feeling a little better. 
 

I am still as careful with precautions. Still washing hands frequently all day.  I still disinfect my groceries, though experts don’t recommend it.  It relaxes my mind. I disinfect surfaces in house and anything I touch when out.  Is it enough?  Idk Praying for the vaccine.

Edited by SunnyBeBe
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I'm staying home for Thanksgiving. My best friend is in my bubble and lives downstairs, so we'll have dinner and make more food than either of us can eat. My college is going all online after Thanksgiving. I'll still go to work, but will tutor remotely since the building will be closed to students. If all goes well, I'll go to my daughter's for Christmas. If Spokane turns into a hot spot, I'll stay home. I'm taking a mixture of holiday & vacation days so I have the two weeks of Christmas and New Year's off and plan on shampooing my carpets and cleaning out my storage closet. I've got boxes of stuff still unopened from when I moved here in 2006.

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Thanksgiving will just be me, my husband, and two cats this year. It has been an opportunity to get together with one of his sisters and her family but that involves three households and is a big NOPE. Christmas will be the same, except we will Zoom opening presents with my sister at some point (She lives alone so she has it worse).  The only thing we've done outside of the house for the last 243 days is walks, doctor visits (flu, pneumonia, shingles shots), picking up take-out like four times, and masked/physically distanced/outdoor walks/care package exchanges with one friend (who is trying to continue study dance, now via Zoom). What a year.

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And even then some will probably say that it would have happened anyway.  I have had customers tell me that they think all the precautions are silly because " God knows when I will go home" . While I don't disagree with that statement I also put my seat belt on when I get in the car to go somewhere because while I believe God numbers my days he also gave me common sense. 

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God may know our days, but, to me showing flagrant negligence with our health and safety is akin to thumbing your nose at God.  If I take all the precautions I can,  and that fails, then, I’ve done my best. If I blow caution to the wind and cause others to get sick or die......omg, I can’t image the grief. But, when there is NO CONCERN for self or others with covid.....it boggles the mind.  It really makes me question EVERYTHING about these people.  I have to really put them at a distance and explore if I need or want them in my life. Even after covid.

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I’m on my third hour of CMA Awards. It’s very entertaining. The live audience consists of the nominees...spaced apart....man...it’s so long!

Apparently no one hired a stylist.  This had to be the worst dressed group of rich people I’ve ever seen!  Uggghhhh...really bad.  The best looking were Darius Rucker, Charley Pride and Charles Esten (Deacon from Nashville series.)

https://people.com/country/cma-awards-2020-red-carpet-arrivals/

 

Edited by SunnyBeBe
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