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Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

Honeycocoa

By Honeycocoa
in Counting On

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While we understand the frustration (change is never easy), please keep in mind that not everyone feels the same way and that for those members who don't, the ongoing conversation about other forums and chat options can equally be a cause of frustration.

Out of respect for your fellow posters, we kindly ask that you continue any discussion about alternatives via PM or the Technically Speaking: Bugs, Questions, & Suggestions area.

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lookeyloo

lookeyloo

4 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

But if you don't have a guest room, it's hard to find space for guests when you DO have them. I Back when the kids were growing up we mostly didn't have guest rooms - sometimes the boys shared a room, sometimes everyone had their own, as we were moving around with the Navy. The house we have now, we specifically got with extra bedrooms in case any of the kids needed to move back in for a period (daughter and son-in-law stayed with us for a year while saving up for their own house, and younger son moved in after college, after they had moved out, and stayed for about a year as well while waiting to be able to get into Officer Candidate School. which turned out to be a much longer process than anticipated for various reasons. We also wanted to make sure we had a convenient in-law suite for my parents (now only my mom), which she will be moving into soon. So even if it's just the two of us here in a four (technically five, but we turned one into the library)-bedroom house, all the bedrooms are full at holidays, and if we have my brother-in-law as well, he ends up sleeping on the couch. 

Someday we'll downsize, I suppose, but for the time being I love having all the extra space, even if it's a bit more cleaning. I actually find it much easier to keep a bigger space looking good, as there is always enough room for everything and far less clutter.

I agree that a bigger house with less in it is really easy to keep clean.  When we moved here from a 3/2, no basement, we ditched a lot, really a lot, and didn't replace any of it.  We have a 4/3.5 now with a basement.  And some kind former owner built really nice off the floor shelves down there.  The guest room and bath are used often enough for us to be glad to have them, and I  have my own sewing room I can close the door on, and Mr. lookeyloo has his computer room he can close the door on.  All very convenient and not hard to clean at all.  No pets, though except a drama queen fish who seems to like a dirty tank.

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Zella

Zella

21 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

Hi guys!!! Guess what? My flu has turned into bronchitis and a sinus infection! It is miserable. I went back to work last week, and felt rough, but okay Monday to Wednesday. Thursday and Friday were terrible, so I went to the doctor yesterday. I'm really considering taking tomorrow off. I have no sick days yet, so I'll have a ton of days without pay, but I'm honestly not sure I can make it through tomorrow, annnnd I probably shouldn't have gone Friday, either!

on a positive note, my birthday was Monday!!! I went out with my parents and had a great time. I'm excited about a new year...when I am well. It feels like it will never happen!!!

Ugh you have my sympathy! I had bronchitis earlier this year, and it was miserable. Currently harboring a mild cold and hoping, hoping, hoping it doesn't sprout into bronchitis again. Hope you feel better soon--and happy belated birthday!

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galaxychaser

galaxychaser

(edited)
41 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

Hi guys!!! Guess what? My flu has turned into bronchitis and a sinus infection! It is miserable. I went back to work last week, and felt rough, but okay Monday to Wednesday. Thursday and Friday were terrible, so I went to the doctor yesterday. I'm really considering taking tomorrow off. I have no sick days yet, so I'll have a ton of days without pay, but I'm honestly not sure I can make it through tomorrow, annnnd I probably shouldn't have gone Friday, either!

on a positive note, my birthday was Monday!!! I went out with my parents and had a great time. I'm excited about a new year...when I am well. It feels like it will never happen!!!

I’m sorry! I hope you feel better soon! 

Edited by galaxychaser
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Scarlett45

Scarlett45

Hey everyone. I’m not feeling so well today- not sick, just my head hurts and I’m tired, BUT my Mommy bought my sister and I each a Mrs Prindables gourmet apple. Omg it was the highlight of my day. #thingsfatpeoplesay🥰🥰♥️♥️
 

I recommend if speciality holiday food is your jam.

https://www.mrsprindables.com/

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Scarlett45

Scarlett45

@doodlebug I know what you mean about guest rooms! Who wants to keep an entire room for people who don’t live there? But I didn’t grow up having houseguests or being a houseguest- traveling we ALWAYS started in hotels, and all of my close family lives in the Chicagoland area, so just go home after visiting. Had someone expected to stay in my Mother’s house she would’ve looked at them like they had two heads “this isn’t a hotel”. Now I do have a second bedroom that my oldest friend uses when she comes home (she teaches abroad), but I use that as my holiday storage and off season space rather than traveling all the way to the basement. 
 

@Christina87 happy belated bday. We are 2 years and a few days a part. I’m sorry you are sick so early in the school year. Feel better. 

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Christina87

Christina87

27 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

@doodlebug I know what you mean about guest rooms! Who wants to keep an entire room for people who don’t live there? But I didn’t grow up having houseguests or being a houseguest- traveling we ALWAYS started in hotels, and all of my close family lives in the Chicagoland area, so just go home after visiting. Had someone expected to stay in my Mother’s house she would’ve looked at them like they had two heads “this isn’t a hotel”. Now I do have a second bedroom that my oldest friend uses when she comes home (she teaches abroad), but I use that as my holiday storage and off season space rather than traveling all the way to the basement. 
 

@Christina87 happy belated bday. We are 2 years and a few days a part. I’m sorry you are sick so early in the school year. Feel better. 

Thank you, and that is so cool! I wish we lived closer, and could go out and celebrate our birthdays together!!!

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jcbrown

jcbrown

3 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

@Christina87 happy belated bday. We are 2 years and a few days a part. I’m sorry you are sick so early in the school year. Feel better. 

2 hours ago, Christina87 said:

Thank you, and that is so cool! I wish we lived closer, and could go out and celebrate our birthdays together!!!

Happy birthday to both of you! My birthday was 3 October, though if you are a couple of years apart, I suspect I have a couple of decades on both of you.

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Jynnan tonnix

Jynnan tonnix

(edited)

OK...sorry I'm going to post yet another picture, but my mom just gets to me sometimes. We just finally had our driveway paved (after almost seven years in this house with a crushed asphalt - basically gravel- driveway full of puddles and grass). I'm thinking it looks pretty sharp, and will definitely be soooo much easier when it comes to things like clearing the driveway of snow, and even not having to deal with the daily bumpbumpBUMP of getting over the drainage-ditch hump turning in and out of the driveway.

Anyway, Mom was here this weekend for Mr Jyn's birthday, and other than nagging at him to make sure he got grass seed planted where they graded top soil around the drive right away, seemed very happy. When I got her home, she reiterated that we needed to get the grass seed in NOW, and I told her we know, and that people actually might tend to do things faster when they didn't feel as though they were being nagged, which she thought was "very stupid". Then she said she had kept her mouth closed for literally years waiting for us to get around to things, and that "once you get to a certain level, it seems that it would be important to you to make sure you are presenting yourself well" (we're talking solid middle to somewhat upper middle class here), and that "no one ever does anything" around our place, and "it's always unkempt and gives a really bad impression". Now, having read a lot of the snark on the Duggars, maybe she is right, and people are driving by our place thinking, "Ugh, why do the people here let things go so badly?" but it honestly doesn't look that horrible to me. Even after six or seven years there are works in progress and some things we don't get to as soon as we should...So, at the risk of getting compared to some of those we pile criticism on, here's the front yard. Please be honest....if my mom is right, and people really are driving past with a bad taste in their mouths, maybe I need my eyes opened. 

72417958_10157449527137778_7030066752868319232_o.jpg

Edited by Jynnan tonnix
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jcbrown

jcbrown

8 minutes ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

OK...sorry I'm going to post yet another picture, but my mom just gets to me sometimes. We just finally had our driveway paved (after almost seven years in this house with a crushed asphalt - basically gravel- driveway full of puddles and grass). I'm thinking it looks pretty sharp, and will definitely be soooo much easier when it comes to things like clearing the driveway of snow, and even the daily bumpbumpBUMP of getting over the drainage-ditch hump turning into the driveway.

Anyway, Mom was here this weekend for Mr Jyn's birthday, and other than nagging at him to make sure he got grass seed planted where they graded top soil around the drive right away, seemed very happy. When I got her home, she reiterated that we needed to get the grass see in NOW, and I told her we know, and that people actually might tend to do things faster when they didn't feel as though they were being nagged, which she thought was "very stupid". Then she said she had kept her mouth closed for literally years waiting for us to get around to things, and that "once you get to a certain level, it seems that it would be important to you to make sure you are presenting yourself well (we're talking solid middle to somewhat upper middle class here), and that "no one ever does anything" around our place, and "it's always unkempt and gives a really bad impression". Now, having read a lot of the snark on the Duggars, maybe she is right, and people are driving by our place thinking, "Ugh, why do the people here let things go so badly?" but it honestly doesn't look that horrible to me. Even after six or seven years there are works in progress and some things we don't get to as soon as we should...So, at the risk of getting compared to some of those we pile criticism on, here's the front yard. Please be honest....if my mom is right, and people really are driving past with a bad taste in their mouths, maybe I need my eyes opened. 

72417958_10157449527137778_7030066752868319232_o.jpg

I think your house looks completely normal and quite nice. And humongous, but that's the San Francisco Bay Area part of my brain talking.

6 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

My birthday is October 3 too!

Excellent choice!

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Jynnan tonnix

Jynnan tonnix

(edited)
13 hours ago, jcbrown said:

My mom might have softened her tone but she always insisted on correct English. And no "yay!"s. Did I mention she was an elementary school teacher?

I am just sad for those boys because Jill and Dreck seem like the least emotionally invested parents of the bunch. They don't even seem to like their kids all that much.

It's so easy to pick up some of their words, though! My granddaughter has a few of her own. While she got the hang of saying "No!" a couple of months ago, "yes" is still alien to her. But if you ask her a question and the answer is positive, you get a hearty "a-Ya!". One of the latest Remy-isms is "itsy". She loves the itsy bitsy spider song, and any bug she sees as long as it's an "itsy". As soon as it becomes a "fly" or an "ant" , she freaks out LOL. I would love to know how the gears in those little minds work.

She's also scared to death of fire, so we have to keep the gas fireplaces off when she is here. Yesterday was Mr Jyn's birthday, though, and she freaked out seeing the candles on his cake, even though he blew them out right after we sang "Happy Birthday". It took a good 20 minutes to convince her to try a bit of the cake, and even though she was still reticent, she kept calling it "Happy-Day". She's 18 months old, though, so I still think that's pretty good on the talking front. She probably has well over 50 words at this point.

Edited by Jynnan tonnix
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wilsie

wilsie

13 minutes ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

OK...sorry I'm going to post yet another picture, but my mom just gets to me sometimes. We just finally had our driveway paved (after almost seven years in this house with a crushed asphalt - basically gravel- driveway full of puddles and grass). I'm thinking it looks pretty sharp, and will definitely be soooo much easier when it comes to things like clearing the driveway of snow, and even the daily bumpbumpBUMP of getting over the drainage-ditch hump turning into the driveway.

Anyway, Mom was here this weekend for Mr Jyn's birthday, and other than nagging at him to make sure he got grass seed planted where they graded top soil around the drive right away, seemed very happy. When I got her home, she reiterated that we needed to get the grass see in NOW, and I told her we know, and that people actually might tend to do things faster when they didn't feel as though they were being nagged, which she thought was "very stupid". Then she said she had kept her mouth closed for literally years waiting for us to get around to things, and that "once you get to a certain level, it seems that it would be important to you to make sure you are presenting yourself well (we're talking solid middle to somewhat upper middle class here), and that "no one ever does anything" around our place, and "it's always unkempt and gives a really bad impression". Now, having read a lot of the snark on the Duggars, maybe she is right, and people are driving by our place thinking, "Ugh, why do the people here let things go so badly?" but it honestly doesn't look that horrible to me. Even after six or seven years there are works in progress and some things we don't get to as soon as we should...So, at the risk of getting compared to some of those we pile criticism on, here's the front yard. Please be honest....if my mom is right, and people really are driving past with a bad taste in their mouths, maybe I need my eyes opened. 

I think it looks fine, too.  Sometimes people, especially those close to us, don't realize how hurtful their words can be.  You have some flower beds that look nice.  Your driveway is really long and looks great.  That should have been what was noticed.  

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whydoiwatch

whydoiwatch

(edited)

Thanks to everyone who posted upthread about the country music series by Ken Burns. I might have skipped it had it not been for the reviews here. 

While country music is not usually what I listen to, learning more about the long history behind it was fascinating and gave me a greater appreciation for the contributions made by so many country singers and songwriters. Everything Ken Burns does it so very good.

Edited by whydoiwatch
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zoomama

zoomama

just need a moment to vent:  i have been planning our 45th reunion with a group of us for a year now - it is going to be this saturday. our first ticket sold was to a guy that actually left school early but has been faithful to stay in touch. i found out that he died a few days ago, alone in his apartment. dont know circumstances yet but just wanted to say that my heart is so sad and i cant even post about it because the authorities are looking for next of kin to be notified first.  he was unlucky in life in many ways but he was just about the most sensitive, generous, nice guy you could find. to say i am devastated is a small word. i think this is the first actual peer that i have lost since we first graduated (there have been a few but not close to me). we are not old yet....only 63.  this really hurts.

Barb23

Barb23

8 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

Hey everyone. I’m not feeling so well today- not sick, just my head hurts and I’m tired, BUT my Mommy bought my sister and I each a Mrs Prindables gourmet apple. Omg it was the highlight of my day. #thingsfatpeoplesay🥰🥰♥️♥️
 

I recommend if speciality holiday food is your jam.

https://www.mrsprindables.com/

Yum, I'm jealous.

QVC also sells Mrs Prindables apples especially around this time as year as they make nice gifts. They offer many different types  & combos & it may be cheaper  ordering from QVC  than their main site. Plus QVC has free shipping on all their food items all the time.

Happy Birthday to all the October birthdays out there.  Autumn birthdays are plentiful in our family with October having the most. 

@Jynnan tonnix you have a lovely house with a very nice driveway.  IIRC, you  have beautiful gardens as well which you were nice enough to share pictures with us a while back.

Sending healing wishes to anyone who needs them. 

Happy Columbus Day & hope everyone has a good week.

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lookeyloo

lookeyloo

8 hours ago, zoomama said:

just need a moment to vent:  i have been planning our 45th reunion with a group of us for a year now - it is going to be this saturday. our first ticket sold was to a guy that actually left school early but has been faithful to stay in touch. i found out that he died a few days ago, alone in his apartment. dont know circumstances yet but just wanted to say that my heart is so sad and i cant even post about it because the authorities are looking for next of kin to be notified first.  he was unlucky in life in many ways but he was just about the most sensitive, generous, nice guy you could find. to say i am devastated is a small word. i think this is the first actual peer that i have lost since we first graduated (there have been a few but not close to me). we are not old yet....only 63.  this really hurts.

I am so sorry to hear that - so sad - I am going through my own hard times right now, with the son being so sick with a bad outcome in sight, that I have learned that sometimes saying nothing except I am sorry is plenty enough to hear.    So, I am very sorry for him, and for you and for the rest of the classmates who cared about him.  Hugs.

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BetyBee

BetyBee

10 hours ago, zoomama said:

just need a moment to vent:  i have been planning our 45th reunion with a group of us for a year now - it is going to be this saturday. our first ticket sold was to a guy that actually left school early but has been faithful to stay in touch. i found out that he died a few days ago, alone in his apartment. dont know circumstances yet but just wanted to say that my heart is so sad and i cant even post about it because the authorities are looking for next of kin to be notified first.  he was unlucky in life in many ways but he was just about the most sensitive, generous, nice guy you could find. to say i am devastated is a small word. i think this is the first actual peer that i have lost since we first graduated (there have been a few but not close to me). we are not old yet....only 63.  this really hurts.

Zoomama, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend.  He sounds like a sweet person.  

I'm 64 and I come from a huge high school class, so we have had some losses, some of whom I didn't even know.  On the day this year when I turned in my retirement notice, I learned that a dear, dear childhood friend had suddenly passed away.  We were planning to get together that weekend (with the few girls from grade and high school that I'm still in touch with on a regular basis).  I was devastated and still miss her every day.  I thought our Saturday lunch would be me telling them I was retiring.  Instead we got together anyway and shared memories, after attending her memorial service.  She was the nicest of all of us.  The only comfort I could come up with was that retiring and spending more time with my family was the right choice!  Staying in touch with those you hold dear is so important.  

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doodlebug

doodlebug

14 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

OK...sorry I'm going to post yet another picture, but my mom just gets to me sometimes. We just finally had our driveway paved (after almost seven years in this house with a crushed asphalt - basically gravel- driveway full of puddles and grass). I'm thinking it looks pretty sharp, and will definitely be soooo much easier when it comes to things like clearing the driveway of snow, and even not having to deal with the daily bumpbumpBUMP of getting over the drainage-ditch hump turning in and out of the driveway.

Anyway, Mom was here this weekend for Mr Jyn's birthday, and other than nagging at him to make sure he got grass seed planted where they graded top soil around the drive right away, seemed very happy. When I got her home, she reiterated that we needed to get the grass seed in NOW, and I told her we know, and that people actually might tend to do things faster when they didn't feel as though they were being nagged, which she thought was "very stupid". Then she said she had kept her mouth closed for literally years waiting for us to get around to things, and that "once you get to a certain level, it seems that it would be important to you to make sure you are presenting yourself well" (we're talking solid middle to somewhat upper middle class here), and that "no one ever does anything" around our place, and "it's always unkempt and gives a really bad impression". Now, having read a lot of the snark on the Duggars, maybe she is right, and people are driving by our place thinking, "Ugh, why do the people here let things go so badly?" but it honestly doesn't look that horrible to me. Even after six or seven years there are works in progress and some things we don't get to as soon as we should...So, at the risk of getting compared to some of those we pile criticism on, here's the front yard. Please be honest....if my mom is right, and people really are driving past with a bad taste in their mouths, maybe I need my eyes opened. 

72417958_10157449527137778_7030066752868319232_o.jpg

I think you're house looks just fine.  When I drive past a place like that and see a new driveway, I know why the grass along the sides is gone and it makes me think that the people living there are doing what needs to be done to take care of the property.

Tell your mom she needs to see an eye doctor because she is obviously not seeing clearly when it comes to your house.

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Chicklet

Chicklet

(edited)

What is it with some mothers and their daughter's homes? My house isn't big enough nor does it have enough bathrooms for my mother. She won't stay here (whew bullet dodged) but she feels free to let me know these things.

Mine at least lives 2000 miles away.

Edited by Chicklet
Spelling really helps.
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Jynnan tonnix

Jynnan tonnix

14 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

I think you're house looks just fine.  When I drive past a place like that and see a new driveway, I know why the grass along the sides is gone and it makes me think that the people living there are doing what needs to be done to take care of the property.

Tell your mom she needs to see an eye doctor because she is obviously not seeing clearly when it comes to your house.

It's not so much the bare strips alongside the drive - she knows why they are there as well, and thinks the driveway guys did a great job. It's just that she doesn't trust us to re-seed them in time. Mr Jyn did actually do that yesterday, but is still not really talking to me since he's so aggravated that my mom said what she did. I shouldn't have vented to him, though, since he always seems to shoot the messenger, as it were.

Mom's main gripe about the yard looking "unkempt", though, is things like the woodpile alongside the garage, which doesn't tend to get organized, and ends up with other odds and ends, plus weeds in and alongside of it, weeds in the flowerbeds (while I'm generally really good at taking care of them into the summer, I do tend to slow down when it starts getting really hot, and this year in particular, after my surgery, I really couldn't do any weeding for quite a long time. I could do it now, but most of the weeds have died back, so I haven't been in any particular hurry). Then there's the fact that we have to order more topsoil almost every year for this or that because apparently all the topsoil on our stretch of the road was sold off before the property was sold as building lots, so while weeds do just fine, many other things really don't want to grow. So there's very often a pile of topsoil with a tarp over it, and generally a few shovels and such which didn't get put away (you can kind of see it in the photo, to the left of the garage. There are also a couple of wheelbarrows out there with bushes that we bought a little while ago and didn't get around to putting in the ground, but Mr Jyn is out there doing them now with our younger son who is home on leave from the Marines.

Anyway, I'll be the first to admit that we probably do have a bad habit of leaving tools out and/or procrastinating, but I just don't imagine that most people would look at our home and have their first impression be one of neglect the way Mom seems to think.

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Scarlett45

Scarlett45

1 hour ago, Chicklet said:

What is it with some mothers and their daughter's homes? My house isn't big enough nor does it have enough bathrooms for my mother. She won't stay here (whew bullet dodged) but she feels free to let me know these things.

Mine at least lives 2000 miles away.

Awwww. 
 I am sorry your Mom says these things. 
 

I think situations like that stem from insecurity. When people are secure in themselves they don’t feel the need to criticize others. To be gendered, the way a daughter keeps her home is seen as a reflection of her upbringing (which was Mom’s job), so choosing to have a different home environment or style that one’s mother would want can be taken as 1. A rejection of the way you were brought up, 2. Mom didn’t teach you your duties as a woman in our culture- If ones mother is insecure she takes out these issues on her adult daughter. 

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Love2dance

Love2dance

I just caught up on the last few days posts. 

First, happy birthday to all of you with October birthdays. Hope you have a wonderful year, too! 🎂🎉

Second, those of you who are under the weather, I hope you feel better soon! Especially since several of you are also birthday girls. 😥

@Jynnan tonnix, gosh, I think your home is beautiful. All I see is beautiful architecture and lots of room to enjoy. I am a mother to (very) adult kids and I just can’t imagine being critical of how they want to live (at least out loud). You should be proud of what you have accomplished, and enjoy every minute in your beautiful home.
 


 

  • Love 8
Natalie68

Natalie68

20 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

Hey everyone. I’m not feeling so well today- not sick, just my head hurts and I’m tired, BUT my Mommy bought my sister and I each a Mrs Prindables gourmet apple. Omg it was the highlight of my day. #thingsfatpeoplesay🥰🥰♥️♥️
 

I recommend if speciality holiday food is your jam.

https://www.mrsprindables.com/

Feel better!  My best friend sent me these one year for Xmas.  They are sooooo good!

  • Love 2
Christina87

Christina87

39 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Awwww. 
 I am sorry your Mom says these things. 
 

I think situations like that stem from insecurity. When people are secure in themselves they don’t feel the need to criticize others. To be gendered, the way a daughter keeps her home is seen as a reflection of her upbringing (which was Mom’s job), so choosing to have a different home environment or style that one’s mother would want can be taken as 1. A rejection of the way you were brought up, 2. Mom didn’t teach you your duties as a woman in our culture- If ones mother is insecure she takes out these issues on her adult daughter. 

I saw this kind of weird gendered thing so much in the college dorms! All of the girls were trying to one up each other on cleaning, like the way they had learned was the ONLY way, and it was their duty to educate everyone else! I've always been a neat person, and a good cleaner, but I'll never forget freshman year, when my suitmate had a FIT about how "filthy" our bathroom was! Four girls shared it, and it was a teeeeeny space, with just room for a toilet and small shower. She pulled us all in there to see the "filth," and honestly, it looked fine. Then, she INSISTED that we had to go out and buy a Swiffer mop, for that space that probably wasn't even two square yards! She said if we pitched in and bought it, she would use it. It took until senior year to not have any suitmates who were holier than thou cleaners...and then, I ended up with total slobs, lol! All of the girls like this were just very bossy people in general, anyway. I was more than happy to do my share of the cleaning, but I didn't appreciate the condescending attitudes of these self-appointed experts. It HAS to be a gendered thing, because you would never see this in a boys dorm!!!

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Scarlett45

Scarlett45

1 hour ago, Christina87 said:

I saw this kind of weird gendered thing so much in the college dorms! All of the girls were trying to one up each other on cleaning, like the way they had learned was the ONLY way, and it was their duty to educate everyone else! I've always been a neat person, and a good cleaner, but I'll never forget freshman year, when my suitmate had a FIT about how "filthy" our bathroom was! Four girls shared it, and it was a teeeeeny space, with just room for a toilet and small shower. She pulled us all in there to see the "filth," and honestly, it looked fine. Then, she INSISTED that we had to go out and buy a Swiffer mop, for that space that probably wasn't even two square yards! She said if we pitched in and bought it, she would use it. It took until senior year to not have any suitmates who were holier than thou cleaners...and then, I ended up with total slobs, lol! All of the girls like this were just very bossy people in general, anyway. I was more than happy to do my share of the cleaning, but I didn't appreciate the condescending attitudes of these self-appointed experts. It HAS to be a gendered thing, because you would never see this in a boys dorm!!!

@Christina87 and you grew up/live in the south. The stereotype of southern women and their homemaking skills is true. I’ve noticed other parts of the country people our age tend to go out to socialize, but in the south presenting a good home and being an excellent hostess is expected for women. 

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Christina87

Christina87

21 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

@Christina87 and you grew up/live in the south. The stereotype of southern women and their homemaking skills is true. I’ve noticed other parts of the country people our age tend to go out to socialize, but in the south presenting a good home and being an excellent hostess is expected for women. 

That's really interesting! Since this is the only place I've lived, I don't have that perspective. It makes sense, though. Most women I know are very serious about keeping a nice home!

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Scarlett45

Scarlett45

4 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

That's really interesting! Since this is the only place I've lived, I don't have that perspective. It makes sense, though. Most women I know are very serious about keeping a nice home!

Although NOLA has a unique cultural history it’s still very much “the south”, during my years there I made note of all this focus on homemaking that I had never seen before. Granted I must admit Chicago has a unique cultural history that’s not exactly like the rest of the midwest, but the homemaking/hostess thing is very much a regional cultural attribute. Not that it’s bad! (Not saying that), just different. 

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Ohiopirate02

Ohiopirate02

2 hours ago, Christina87 said:

I saw this kind of weird gendered thing so much in the college dorms! All of the girls were trying to one up each other on cleaning, like the way they had learned was the ONLY way, and it was their duty to educate everyone else! I've always been a neat person, and a good cleaner, but I'll never forget freshman year, when my suitmate had a FIT about how "filthy" our bathroom was! Four girls shared it, and it was a teeeeeny space, with just room for a toilet and small shower. She pulled us all in there to see the "filth," and honestly, it looked fine. Then, she INSISTED that we had to go out and buy a Swiffer mop, for that space that probably wasn't even two square yards! She said if we pitched in and bought it, she would use it. It took until senior year to not have any suitmates who were holier than thou cleaners...and then, I ended up with total slobs, lol! All of the girls like this were just very bossy people in general, anyway. I was more than happy to do my share of the cleaning, but I didn't appreciate the condescending attitudes of these self-appointed experts. It HAS to be a gendered thing, because you would never see this in a boys dorm!!!

I would have liked this better than my roommate my sophomore year.  She did not wash a dish for the entire spring semester.   She literately did not wash a single dish from January until May.  She would steal dishes and silverware from the dining hall instead of washing her dishes.  I have no idea what she ended up doing with the dining hall dishes when we moved out.  I noped out of there as quickly as i could.  I should also mention this slovenly thief was a Christian.  She was involved in a cult-like campus group called Campus Crusade for Christ.  

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Christina87

Christina87

2 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I would have liked this better than my roommate my sophomore year.  She did not wash a dish for the entire spring semester.   She literately did not wash a single dish from January until May.  She would steal dishes and silverware from the dining hall instead of washing her dishes.  I have no idea what she ended up doing with the dining hall dishes when we moved out.  I noped out of there as quickly as i could.  I should also mention this slovenly thief was a Christian.  She was involved in a cult-like campus group called Campus Crusade for Christ.  

Hahahaha we had Campus Crusade at my school, too!!! I went to a couple meetings before deciding it was creepy and cult-like. Probably the worst part was this girl they employed who was young, hot, and a valley girl, who would pretend to be your friend to keep you entrenched in the cult. She wasn't even the leader; she just kind of hung around!!! She was also EXTREMELY fake, and it was just kind of disturbing to see someone who was probably 25 pandering to eighteen-year-olds. Also, the group had a very wealthy local man who would host pool parties, and he got arrested for majorly ripping off his clients! I think he got a LONG sentence!

i had the slob roommates my last year, unfortunately. There were three of them, and they were music friends, but they were all super close and I was just kind of the fourth person. I thought it would be awesome to live with them because they were friends, but nope! They were filthy, especially with food! They'd use something once and then just leave it on the counter. I can't tell you how many Velveeta cheese blocks they'd use a small piece of, and then leave on the counter to rot! It got so bad that there was no counter space because of their crap. They'd also cook once in a while, using my dishes, and just leave all of the contents out for a week or more!! I was careful to never even try a bite, so they couldn't claim I was part of the meal and try to make me clean their mess, but they still would! And the pizzas...they would order a pizza and leave it out for a week plus, once right in front of my bedroom door!!! It was soooo gross!!! YUCK!!! I kept my personal bedroom as clean as I possibly could, so people who came over would see that I wasn't the problem! Ugh...that was so disgusting!

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Chicklet

Chicklet

Oh Campus Crusade now goes by "CRU" which as we all know is hipper than heck and will attract clueless college students who will sign up and become mindless robots for Jesus.

My mother now yearly hosts a friend's kid who is in the cult and she knows it's a cult, "but he's soo nice". I keep asking her exactly what he does for this group but she keeps forgetting to ask.

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Ohiopirate02

Ohiopirate02

59 minutes ago, Chicklet said:

Oh Campus Crusade now goes by "CRU" which as we all know is hipper than heck and will attract clueless college students who will sign up and become mindless robots for Jesus.

My mother now yearly hosts a friend's kid who is in the cult and she knows it's a cult, "but he's soo nice". I keep asking her exactly what he does for this group but she keeps forgetting to ask.

I wonder if they still spend their summers witnessing on the beach.  They group my roommate was involved with would go to Myrtle Beach.

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Zella

Zella

(edited)

My college roommate was a slob, too. I'm not a neat freak, but she seriously grossed me out. I later discovered she didn't wash her dishes and just stacked them in her desk for MONTHS. She also wouldn't wash her clothes for months and just had a tremendous wardrobe of dirty laundry that she kept stowed away. We remained friends, but I have always refused to visit her at her home. I don't even want to know what the house she and her husband, whom I suspect is even grosser, looks like. 

We had a filthy suitemate too who once, I shit you all not, left a trail of her dirty clothes all through the floor of the shared bathroom, including her dirty underwear. It stayed on the floor for over a day. I think she must have heard me screaming and swearing about it one night because it was gone the next morning.

And now that I have vented about that, yes, I agree with the above speculation about the emphasis put on entertaining at home down South, though it never occurred to me. It's not my preference because I'm an introvert--i like to cook but would rather feed people elsewhere lol--but I know a lot of Southern women my age who do still put a big priority on that. And of course for older women, like my grandmother, it's very, very important to them. 

Edited by Zella
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