S09.E13: Jill's Wedding

[Hpmec]

Regarding the pizza delivery comment. I remember an episode of Four Weddings in which there was either too little food or the food was so late in being served that the three other brides attending the wedding had a pizza delivered. Imagine JimBoob's face watching a pizza delivery guy show up. He's so cheap, though, he probably would have tried to mooch a slice.

[GinnyLee]

The reception is more to honor the bride and groom and to socialize.  If you are sitting at a table, you only seem to socialize with those that are seated at your table.  Hospitality has nothing to do with the amount of food nor the kinds of food but with being felt welcomed and appreciated.  It does not "rub" against the iconic tradition of Southern Hospitality.  Manners teach Southerns that you never take the last piece of anything, nor be a "pig" at a buffet.  Besides most weddings in the south take place in the evening-very rarely around dinner.  (Dinner is the main meal of the day at lot of people call it lunch).  Don't get me wrong, in the south, we plan to have more than enough of anything).

 

forgot to add:  In the South, if you are invited to the wedding, then you are invited to the reception.  I have known people that attended weddings in the north that we invited to the wedding, but not the reception that included the sit down dinner. 

 

I live in NJ and that's quite common here. Many people will 'make an appearance' by attending the wedding and then skip the reception. This happens for several reasons:

1) They're trying to avoid having to give a $100-200 gift. (In NJ if the bride is not shelling out $85/head for the dinner then she'll get criticized for having a cheap wedding and the rule of thumb used to be if the bride is shelling out 60/head for the dinner then the appropriate gift was $100, but lately it seems dinner costs have gone up to $85 or more per head so the appropriate gift can't be $150 because it would be rude to give a $50 bill so now you just give $200. So if you only go to the wedding then you don't have to give an outrageous $200 gift because you won't be eating that overpriced $85+ dinner)

 

2) They're trying to avoid socializing with people. Maybe they've had issues with family members or acquaintances also going to be there. In other words, they don't want to bump in to certain people.

 

3) They're too busy to sit through another 3 hour full dinner reception when they have other things to do. Time is very important to NJ-ians and seriously all they do is go out to eat on a normal day so really a reception is not much different. It's just another dinner but this one you have to get dressed up for.

 

4) I should also be fair and say that sometimes people just aren't feeling well enough to go to a fancy dinner.

 

But seriously, it all comes down to appearances so in either situation, one will feel obligated to make an appearance for the sake of keeping up appearances. 

After all it is NJ and if you don't make an appearance you'll be considered rude and unsocial.  

[mjstrick]

I'm as Southern as Southern can be (Bama), and am hosting a wedding/reception (150 guests) with a sit-down dinner, live band, cocktail hour, etc etc for my daughter in December.  Frankly, I haven't been to many of the afternoon, cake and punch type weddings, even down here.

 

There really was so much WTFery in this wedding/special, but overall, I thought it was sweet.  But then again, I'm a sucker for weddings.  LOL. 

 

I thought the little ones were adorable, and Jackson(? or was it Jason?) running notes back and forth was cracking me up.  He's like, "enough already"!

[iluvobx]

I wondered if Southerns had as much food at wedding reception as they do at other meals. The few Southern people I know whether its going over to their house for lunch or dinner always have tons of food. Even if there's only five or ten people for dinner there's still enough for a hundred or two. 

 

 

I think I need to Sam's Club now. 

Oh yes!    Rule of thumb for caterers around here (South) is the number of invited guest + 20% more.  So there is always plenty.  Most couples are sent away with a big basket prepare for them with food from the reception and what is left is normally boxed up and giving to the bride's family.

 

My M-I-L was Ireland and moved to NY when she was very young and she was so shocked about the amount of food we had.  A couple of days before our wedding, mom had her over plus a couple of other people.  Then my aunt & uncle came in, then 2 of my cousins and then a few other people.  My M-I-L was so shocked that mom kept telling everyone who came in to fix a plate.  They did and there was still a lot of left overs.  I cook the same way as do most of my friends.  We cook more than what we need in case someone drops in.

[GinnyLee]

Is it normal for the machatunim (in laws) to refer to each other as "Misses and Mister" in fundie culture? I have never seen this anywhere else.

 

I wondered about that too. Michelle and JB kept referring to Cathy as Miss Cathy. I thought it odd that they weren't just calling her Cathy.

It's no more normal than serving popcorn at a wedding.

[3girlsforus]

I agree. I'm sorry Cathy's sick, but rescheduling last minute would have been inappropriate for a 1000 guest wedding.

I don't think it would have needed to be a last minute change... they knew she was sick from nearly the beginning of the engagement so they could have planned accordingly knowing she would need chemo. A friend of mine who recently had cancer and chemo was given a schedule of chemo, down to which day each of the 8 chemo treatments would be from the very beginning. Of course everything was subject to change based on her condition but they would have known things from the beginning. And even if it was a shock on the day of the wedding that she wouldn't be able to make it, they still could have gone to the hospital first, had their vows there with his mother (the Duggar parents coming too) and then gone to the church for a 'redo' and the reception. 

 

I do realize that these are very difficult circumstances and it's probably wrong of me to say what I think they should have done. And it's possible they cared a lot more than was communicated on screen. I am sure the Derick and his brother cared a great deal. I'm even going to assume Jill cared a lot but has no ability to make any decisions like that because she's not in charge. I just wish we had seen the Michelle and JB in discussions with what to do or in some way show they cared. Unfortunately I suspect they didn't - or at least not enough to reroute the freight train that is a Duggar production. 

 

PS - I am laughing because I originally made a typo that said 'fright train' instead of 'freight train'.... now I'm not sure which is more appropriate LOL

[iluvobx]

I live in NJ and that's quite common here. Many people will 'make an appearance' by attending the wedding and then skip the reception. This happens for several reasons:

1) They're trying to avoid having to give a $100-200 gift. (In NJ if the bride is not shelling out $85/head for the dinner then she'll get criticized for having a cheap wedding and the rule of thumb used to be if the bride is shelling out 60/head for the dinner then the appropriate gift was $100, but lately it seems dinner costs have gone up to $85 or more per head so the appropriate gift can't be $150 because it would be rude to give a $50 bill so now you just give $200. So if you only go to the wedding then you don't have to give an outrageous $200 gift because you won't be eating that overpriced $85+ dinner)

 

2) They're trying to avoid socializing with people. Maybe they've had issues with family members or acquaintances also going to be there. In other words, they don't want to bump in to certain people.

 

3) They're too busy to sit through another 3 hour full dinner reception when they have other things to do. Time is very important to NJ-ians and seriously all they do is go out to eat on a normal day so really a reception is not much different. It's just another dinner but this one you have to get dressed up for.

 

4) I should also be fair and say that sometimes people just aren't feeling well enough to go to a fancy dinner.

 

But seriously, it all comes down to appearances so in either situation, one will feel obligated to make an appearance for the sake of keeping up appearances. 

After all it is NJ and if you don't make an appearance you'll be considered rude and unsocial.  

What I meant was, they were NOT invited to the reception.

[sigmaforce86]

Having lost two family members to cancer this year, one who deteriorated for months until we almost wished he would pass just so he could be at peace and one who lasted only two weeks from diagnosis to death before we could even have the first hospice meeting for her I would definitely have voted for continuing with the wedding and hoping my future MIL could attend (or arrage to visit her still dressed for the wedding ASAP after the reception).  There's just no guarantee so if they're here with you today do things even if you have to share then through skype, you may not get to share it tomorrow.  OK step off the soap box and stop being a downer.

 

Glad I watched this from the DVR - everything that came out of JB's mouth was either annoying, preachy or gross.  I'm not sure I really noticed how gross he is before, maybe I just tune him out.  Before they got dressed when he was talking to Jill and Derrick about holding hands after engagement and he actually said after the wedding you'll be joined at the mouth...........who says that to their own daughter.  And needing a chaparone and hour before the wedding just to have quiet devotion time - I don't know what JB thought would happen but will never believe for a minute that the couple "makes their own rules".  I think they are so focused on staying "pure" it's having the opposite effect where they can't stop thinking and talking about what'll happen once those vows are said, it's like they're so repressed they end up with inappropriate school yard humor.  Also Jim Bob going on the stage to deliver the kiss the bride part of the ceremony was again another gross and controlling moment and totally unecessary.

The dresses were pretty though, Grandma Dugger looked very nice (can't say the same for Michelle with the obvious modesty panel on that dress), her sisters reactions seemed really genuine and of course the flower girls just being kids were great to watch.  If only they could have put Jim Bob on mute for the entire day.

[PityFree]

Since they weren't serving a sit down meal or hiring a band or even requesting RSVPs since they just said "Hey anybody who wants to come, come!" and didn;t even know half of their "guests", I don't think it would have been a problem to reschedule (up or back). Basically they had a tacky wedding followed by an open house.  

[ChicksDigScars]

The bridesmaids and groomsmen standing next to each other looked dumb. During the vows the camera panned to Derick and behind him was Jessa. I think it makes more sense to look behind the groom and see his side and look behind the bride and see hers. I don't know why Michelle came up with this.

 

Oh, I went to a Fundie wedding up here in the Midwest, where the couples stood together like this. It happens more often than you think, especially at the "mega churches" with large auditoriums and stages. Plenty of room for the couples to stand around like that. Stands to reason that in an older, traditional church, there isn't much room to stand at the altar, so the girls go to one side and the guys to the other.  I don't think Michelle came up with it. 

 

In fact, the wedding we went to last summer, the guys bowed their heads and held up their hands when they prayed. It was kind of a "seig heil" moment, actually. Creeped me out. We all kept trading glances during the ceremony, as well, as the minister made declarations about the groom being in charge and making all the decisions, and the bride being handed off like property. Kinda the same shit were heard from Pa Keller at the Josh/Anna nuptials. After we exited the auditorium/sanctuary, I mumbled that we were in Duggarville. 

[Fuzzysox]

What happened to all the leftover food from Jill's wedding??

 

Another question I watched the wedding again last night and I thought I heard Derick call Jill *Muffy* as they were about to run down the aisle. Can someone confirm that I wasn't hearing things.

Edited October 31, 2014 by Fuzzysox

[Jellybeans]

I did not realize weddings were so complicated and criticized. My heart goes out for ALL Brides. My suggestion is for everyone to elope because you ain't making everyone happy no matter what you do.

[glow]

Oh, I went to a Fundie wedding up here in the Midwest, where the couples stood together like this. It happens more often than you think, especially at the "mega churches" with large auditoriums and stages. Plenty of room for the couples to stand around like that. Stands to reason that in an older, traditional church, there isn't much room to stand at the altar, so the girls go to one side and the guys to the other.  I don't think Michelle came up with it. 

 

The problem I have with it is that it looks like groups of couples. When I saw it at Priscilla's wedding or one of the Bates', I thought -- oh, how cute. There's a married couple and then all the couples in their lives are standing there to support them. 

[WTFFF]

If these kisses he gave Jill that day or any indication, he may have had a headache that night.

 

Watched the end again so I could see all those people standing out in 90 degrees eating cake that's been sitting around cut all day complete with the nice little sprinkling of some big Arkansas flies.  

 

Watched the kisses again- especially after they fed each other cake.  I can honestly say that Derrick kisses her like one would kiss their mother.  I can tell Jill keeps waiting- hoping he will give her a real kiss.  

 

I just figured Derick didn't want to really kiss Jill in a church, in front of their families and nine hundred-something strangers, and on television.  I think that was the part he wasn't into; not Jill herself. 

[GinnyLee]

What I meant was, they were NOT invited to the reception.

 

That's a different story. LOL, still though it's normal here. Some people still show up to the wedding ceremony, invited or not.

My friend and I once went to a church wedding where she had been invited to the wedding and reception but I wasn't. The church is open to all.  My friend declined the invitation because she was confused why she was invited and I wasn't. We were all co-workers but my friend and I were close friends and the bride wasn't really in our social circle. Considering the bride to be didn't have many friends, we were surprised I wasn't invited, but I wasn't offended at all. Personally, I didn't really care. Weddings are expensive and the bride can't possible invite everybody. In any case, my friend and I went to see the bridesmaids dresses and vows and then we took off. We meant no harm showing up and I'm sure your northern friends who showed up to yours uninvited meant no harm either. Unless, of course, you have some personal issues with them.

[JerseyGirl]

I still can't believe she went from her first kiss at the alter to licking his fingers, all in a short span of 2 hours or so.  No baby steps for her!

Edited October 31, 2014 by JerseyGirl

[truthtalk2014]

I still can't believe she went from her first kiss at the alter to licking his fingers, all in a short span of 2 hours or so.  No baby steps for her!

Practice makes progress for her wedding night. lol

[Literata]

I really hope Cathy's OK. She looked so very frail at the wedding, and the need for oxygen wasn't a great sign. It would be heartbreaking for Derick and his brother to have lost both parents by their mid-20s.

 

Count me among those who wish Jill and Derick would've waited a while to get pregnant, but it makes me happy to think that if Cathy's life is indeed shortened by her cancer, at least she'll likely get to see her grandchild. My mom passed away before my kids were born, and I would have given anything to have had her around.

 

I hope Jill and Derick name the baby after Derick's dad. Surely if they're choosing family names, they'd honor him over Boob.

[Portia]

I wondered about that too. Michelle and JB kept referring to Cathy as Miss Cathy. I thought it odd that they weren't just calling her Cathy.

The only explanation I can come up with is parental modeling. In the South it's still considered very poor form for children to refer to an adult by his or her first name; everywhere I've lived (Arkansas, Tennessee, and Alabama) the general rule has been Mrs. Jones if more formal usage is called for and "Miss Bonnie" or "Mrs. Bonnie" for a more familiar relationship. I'm sure I'm not the only parent who, when talking to my children, would refer to adults using the name the children were to use:  "Grandpa will be here soon" or "Say thank you to Mrs. Bonnie." It can become a habit; my children are adults now, but I still refer to their father as "Daddy" when I'm talking to them. I guess that could be at play with JB and M. It makes sense for her, since she's such a baby-talker anyway, but I'm having a hard time imagining that he'd be doing that.

 

If they call her Mrs. Cathy to her face . . . well, if I were her I'd be offended by that. That would typically not be appropriate unless she were considerably older than they.

 

In fact, the wedding we went to last summer, the guys bowed their heads and held up their hands when they prayed. It was kind of a "seig heil" moment, actually. Creeped me out. We all kept trading glances during the ceremony, as well, as the minister made declarations about the groom being in charge and making all the decisions, and the bride being handed off like property. Kinda the same shit were heard from Pa Keller at the Josh/Anna nuptials. After we exited the auditorium/sanctuary, I mumbled that we were in Duggarville. 

I'm sure this wasn't meant to be offensive to anyone here, but I think making fun of the stance someone takes during prayer or worship crosses a line. In my church we don't cross ourselves or kneel, but I think it would be really disrespectful for me to say that people who do that look silly or creepy. And aren't we here to snark on the Duggars?

Edited October 31, 2014 by Portia

[rumcake]

I wondered about that too. Michelle and JB kept referring to Cathy as Miss Cathy

 

 

I live in Texas and have clients in both Arkansas and Louisiana.  Many of my clients refer to me as "MIss Rumcake" .  It was explained to me as a sign of respect. 

Edited October 31, 2014 by rumcake

[lottiedottie]

I just figured Derick didn't want to really kiss Jill in a church, in front of their families and nine hundred-something strangers, and on television.  I think that was the part he wasn't into; not Jill herself. 

I can only speak for myself, but I'm not all that comfortable with kissing my DH in front of people, so if Derickdillard looks uncomfortable it could be because he feels awkward doing it. Especially since they have had no opportunities for practice! I can't think of anything more awkward than waiting until you are up on the altar to share your first kiss. Kissing is an art, it takes time to feel right and be comfortable. And since these guys don't watch any mainstream movies/tv, they have probably never really seen good kisses (can you imagine having only JimBoob and J'Chelle's kissing as your only point of reference? ::shudders::)

[GEML]

I honestly get the impression that while yes, Cathy was diagnosed with cancer, the real issue here was that the chemotherapy was compromising her immune system to the point that it was dangerous for her to be out of the sterile environment.  After all, we all know that she is now cancer free.  So I really don't think that we were dealing with a stage four situation here, but something that needed to be taken care for quickly, and forcefully, but had a very good chance of being contained and having a very good result following chemo within a few months.  Thus, waiting every one month would have been extremely considerate.  And given that they knew at Easter that her health was in jeopardy, it wasn't really about postponing the wedding, it was about looking at what her health needs were going to be, and planning accordingly given her chemo schedule.  They aren't the first family that has had to do this, after all.  But they ARE stuck with that stupid chaperoning/can't touch/don't kiss which makes it seem like they have to rush rush rush to get married or people are going to explode.  Let's keep in mind that these are two people who didn't even KNOW EACH OTHER this time last year.  Not really.  The idea that they HAD to get married this June just seems insensitive to other people's needs, but that's me.  Especially since the wedding itself was rather informal.

Of course, what would they have done for television???

[Turquoise]

I wondered about that too. Michelle and JB kept referring to Cathy as Miss Cathy. I thought it odd that they weren't just calling her Cathy.

It's no more normal than serving popcorn at a wedding.

It's a Southern thing. I moved to Tennessee several months ago, and the majority of my coworkers (who are obviously younger than me) call me Miss Turquoise. It's not disrespectful, in fact quite the opposite. Once the kids are married for a bit, it'll probably evolve to just Cathy. After all, they barely know the woman at this point.

 

Regarding the pizza delivery comment. I remember an episode of Four Weddings in which there was either too little food or the food was so late in being served that the three other brides attending the wedding had a pizza delivered. Imagine JimBoob's face watching a pizza delivery guy show up. He's so cheap, though, he probably would have tried to mooch a slice.

I saw that episode. The bride had an all-sweets reception, and the guests ordered pizza to combat the sugar overload. Given the description of the reception food, it sounds like it could've applied here. Jim Bob could've pointed them to the cheap pizza place he used to talk about.

[mbutterfly]

 

In fact, the wedding we went to last summer, the guys bowed their heads and held up their hands when they prayed. It was kind of a "seig heil" moment, actually. Creeped me out. We all kept trading glances during the ceremony, as well, as the minister made declarations about the groom being in charge and making all the decisions, and the bride being handed off like property. 

I try to be open and loving toward all faith traditions, but this would have creeped me out too. In fact it would be hard for me not to be a little angry. 

[Jellybeans]

Re: Cathy and the timing of the wedding, I am sure there were things we were not privy to. Derrick loves his mom. Just saying.

[glow]

I can only speak for myself, but I'm not all that comfortable with kissing my DH in front of people, so if Derickdillard looks uncomfortable it could be because he feels awkward doing it. Especially since they have had no opportunities for practice! I can't think of anything more awkward than waiting until you are up on the altar to share your first kiss. Kissing is an art, it takes time to feel right and be comfortable. And since these guys don't watch any mainstream movies/tv, they have probably never really seen good kisses (can you imagine having only JimBoob and J'Chelle's kissing as your only point of reference? ::shudders::)

 

Yet they kept BS-ing us and themselves about how GREAT it'd be to have your first kiss in front of a crowd at the wedding. It obviously was hella awkward and embarrassing. I'm sure Jill fell like she was going to fall over because there's no indication she knew Derick was going to dip her backwards and she dives in at a completely different angle.

 

Yet, they'll continue to spout this nonsense. Six years from now, they'll be at JoyAnna's wedding, talking to the camera about what a special thing it is to save their first kiss for the wedding in front of a crowd, just like Josh and Anna did.

Edited October 31, 2014 by glow

[NikSac]

Just curious - where did the comment about Jim Bob making the event back at the house a potluck come from? I'm just wondering how likely that would be, considering a lot of those families would have been on buses. Now, it might have meant that they pitched in and helped make the food (and I'm betting some of those early arrivals were the cookie bakers and volunteers) but it just doesn't seem feasible to me, even by Duggar standards to do pot luck when people are living out of a bus or a tent or in their guest house. Am I missing something?

 

Yeah... I don't know about their "real" reception being a potluck as I've only seen it here, but I recently went to a wedding where everyone had to travel to get there. The bride planned a big pot luck get together for the day after the wedding, and she was pretty frustrated when most of us couldn't figure out how to bring a decent dish from a camper, bus, tent, or Motel 6. The wedding itself was really nice but I see so many elements of that wedding in Jill/Derick's that I find myself blaming Pinterest for weddings getting completely out of control, from a guest's perspective. I think people do plan this stuff no matter how impractical it may be.

[Portia]

Oh, I went to a Fundie wedding up here in the Midwest, where the couples stood together like this. It happens more often than you think, especially at the "mega churches" with large auditoriums and stages. Plenty of room for the couples to stand around like that. Stands to reason that in an older, traditional church, there isn't much room to stand at the altar, so the girls go to one side and the guys to the other.  I don't think Michelle came up with it. 

 

In fact, the wedding we went to last summer, the guys bowed their heads and held up their hands when they prayed. It was kind of a "seig heil" moment, actually. Creeped me out. We all kept trading glances during the ceremony, as well, as the minister made declarations about the groom being in charge and making all the decisions, and the bride being handed off like property. Kinda the same shit were heard from Pa Keller at the Josh/Anna nuptials. After we exited the auditorium/sanctuary, I mumbled that we were in Duggarville. 

 

 

I try to be open and loving toward all faith traditions, but this would have creeped me out too. In fact it would be hard for me not to be a little angry. 

I must admit, even though I read the original post three times before I replied, I had somehow missed that this did not take place during organized prayer. That does make a difference, and I apologize for responding based on my earlier misinterpretation.

 

I can think of some contexts in which it might be appropriate for one adult to refer to another of a similar age as "Miss Firstname," such as if Miss Firstname is a bank teller and the speaker is a regular customer. But in my experience, Southern adults call their peers by first name, even if they don't know each other terribly well. And as far as I'm concerned, once your kids are engaged to each other, you're family, even if you haven't spent a lot of time together. It really strikes me as weird and a little condescending that JB and M would call Cathy "Mrs. Cathy," but for all I know, she refers to them similarly. Does anyone know if that's the case? 

[Barb23]

Regarding the pizza delivery comment. I remember an episode of Four Weddings in which there was either too little food or the food was so late in being served that the three other brides attending the wedding had a pizza delivered. Imagine JimBoob's face watching a pizza delivery guy show up. He's so cheap, though, he probably would have tried to mooch a slice.

I can just hear him saying "This is the best pizza I ever tasted."

[Barb23]

I can only speak for myself, but I'm not all that comfortable with kissing my DH in front of people, so if Derickdillard looks uncomfortable it could be because he feels awkward doing it. Especially since they have had no opportunities for practice! I can't think of anything more awkward than waiting until you are up on the altar to share your first kiss. Kissing is an art, it takes time to feel right and be comfortable. And since these guys don't watch any mainstream movies/tv, they have probably never really seen good kisses (can you imagine having only JimBoob and J'Chelle's kissing as your only point of reference? ::shudders::)

I remember at Priscilla & David's wedding, he arranged to have rose petals fall down over them when they kissed. He said it was to draw attention away from them kissing.

[Steff]

To those mentioning ordering a pizza at the reception, someone at my reception actually DID!  We had a shotgun/JP wedding & had our reception/party the following day at the bar I worked at (I was a bartender).  The bar wasn't closed for the party, so we had total strangers that walked in.  They felt like they were intruding, but we asked them to stay & enjoy the day.  when hubby & I were opening gifts, these guys had ordered a pizza & had it delivered to us as their gift.  I have no idea what their names were, but in my wedding pic album, there's a pic of hubby & I standing with them, holding up our pizza and laughing our butts off. 

 

Back on topic....

 

I didn't think the wedding was that bad.  I do enjoy seeing that JimBoob actually does love his kids & it shows.  He's still a giant doofus, but as a girl who didn't have a daddy, I got something in my eye when he got a little chocked up with Jill.  At least one parent had the typical parent reaction when seeing their daughter getting married.  MEchelle is just a cold freak when it comes to any emotion other than a doofy superficial smile. 

[Shugardrawers]

I wondered about that too. Michelle and JB kept referring to Cathy as Miss Cathy. I thought it odd that they weren't just calling her Cathy.

It's no more normal than serving popcorn at a wedding.

I moved to MS 15 years ago and I've always been called Miss "Shug".  It was kind of strange at first but once it was explained to me as a sign of respect I found it very charming.  

[wanderwoman]

As I said previously, it would have been nice if Jill said to Derick, "let's go to the hospital with a minister and two witnesses and do this with your mom". They could've done a small ceremony and then had the big wedding. But, I've known people with cancer and the like and there's no way his mom would've had them postpone the wedding. She's a gracious southern woman with dignity and class. She likely protested any suggestion of postponing and we can't judge Jill for that. But, yes, a nod to accommodating her illness would've gone a very long way.

[GEML]

I don't think that anyone for a moment is saying that Derrick doesn't love his mother or even that Jill doesn't love her. And I don't think that Cathy would have wanted then to postpone something planned.

But between their sex drive and the TV schedule, and the fact that Jim Bob and Michelle can't be relied upon to think about someone else in a thoughtful, grown up way, I still think the wedding could have been done in a way that could have been more CONSIDERATE of his mother's situation without changing much of their lives at all, and it would have taken place from the start so as to not make Cathy feel badly. I know a lot of families who would have insisted on it. That's my ONLY point.

[3girlsforus]

Re: Cathy and the timing of the wedding, I am sure there were things we were not privy to. Derrick loves his mom. Just saying.

Since I have commented a few times on Cathy and the wedding, I do want to make it clear that I absolutely believe that Derick loves his mother and dealing with her illness and the wedding concurrently had to have been terribly difficult for him. I would be willing to bet he had lots of  concerns for the wedding timing possibly including a desire to make changes because he knew it was really unwise to expose his mom who is getting chemo to all those people etc. but he was just no match for Michelle and JimBob who didn't seem to give it much of a second thought. 

[abseedee]

I agree that Jill and Derick could have easily gone to the hospital and had an intimate ceremony there with Cathy but, it could have been her wish to experience the wedding at the church and proudly watch her son standing on the stage awaiting Jill as she walks down the aisle.  Her doctor could have told her it was okay for her to go with precautions or she was just determined to be there.  We just don't know for certain.  That blond woman with her could have been a nurse.  There was a picture I saw where that woman was carrying the oxygen tank for her.  I'm happy that Cathy is now well and I'm sure that she was very happy that she was able to be present for her son's wedding.  I hope she got through her second round of chemo without getting too sick.

Edited October 31, 2014 by abseedee

[Fuzzysox]

Ugh. Nothing like having your life documented for the masses from embryo to death.

Just part of their encouraging ministry. Practice makes progress, progress makes BABIES lots and lots of babies. $$$$$$$$$

[Mrsjumbo]

I'm from the Chicago area. We had a fairly big sit down dinner reception (300). But there were also people at our church ceremony that we didn't invite to the wedding (ex. My mom's many church friends). That's expected in our area. Also, we had a receiving line at both the church & the reception so we could say hi & thanks to every single guest. Guess when you invite 3000 you can't do that!

I've been to the punch & cake kind of weddings too. Those are fine, but at least we had a place to sit.

It seemed to me like Jill wanted a "shabby chic" country wedding but picked the wrong venue.

[BitterApple]

Regarding the pizza delivery comment. I remember an episode of Four Weddings in which there was either too little food or the food was so late in being served that the three other brides attending the wedding had a pizza delivered. Imagine JimBoob's face watching a pizza delivery guy show up. He's so cheap, though, he probably would have tried to mooch a slice.

There was also a Four Weddings episode where the bride did a desserts only reception at dinnertime. The guests brides were so nauseated from all the sugar they ordered a pizza and ate it outside on the curb so they could put something substantial in their stomachs.

 

I agree with whichever poster said that Dan and the non-Fundie groomsmen bailed as soon as Derick and Jill left so they could go grab burgers and a few beers.

[Fuzzysox]

I live in the Chicagoland area too and have never been to a wedding that wasn't held in a banquet hall with a sit down dinner. 

 

Jill could have made her wedding less shabby if they would have had reception tables set up with linens and flowers (even fake to save on cost is better then nothing) and chairs. I mean it wasn't a cocktail party were people were drinking and walking around it was more people standing around because there was no were to sit!

[GEML]

Derrick this whole season just seemed like a deer in the headlights - it's no kidding that he's infatuated with Jill, and there were moments where that was lovely, but it was also clear that for all we mocked Ben for cleaning toilets at Jim Bob's say so, if Jim Bob had told Derrick, "Jump!" I expect he would have asked, "how high?"

[msblossom]

It seemed to me like Jill wanted a "shabby chic" country wedding but picked the wrong venue.

Exactly.

You can't pull off "shabby chic" in a mega church setting. That really only works in a rural old country church setting -- and probably for only up to 200 guests max. A barnyard wedding would be cute for what Jill was aiming for, but even then her guest list would need to be shaved down to about 350 to accommodate seating and parking. Could be really cute with benches and picnic tables which JB and the boys could easily build and then finish off with a distressed look -- and then do double duty by actually providing SEATING for your guests at the reception. Who doesn't provide their guests with seating at a reception??

Bottom line, you can't really pull off a "shabby chic" wedding for 1,000 guests without the right venue and the only appropriate venue I can think of that can accommodate that number is a vineyard and no way is JB going to go for that.

Well, unless that vineyard only produces grape juice a la Gil Bates.

Edited November 1, 2014 by msblossom

[KitKat]

Look up 50 Shades of Grey Halloween costumes and tell me that is not the same dress the mother of Jill, marrying Dill, is not the same!

 

[xls]

What you didn't see the screen flash past Amy and Aunt Deanna for those 2 seconds? You must of blinked. I thought it kind of rude that they couldn't give Amy and Deanna a full 20 second interview.

At least give them a TH to congratulate the couple. Amy's annoying, but when I thought she wasn't there, or possibly not invited, I was kind of PO'd.

Look up 50 Shades of Grey Halloween costumes and tell me that is not the same dress the mother of Jill, marrying Dill, is not the same!

50 shades of Project Runway reject.

[NikSac]

Exactly.

You can't pull off "shabby chic" in a mega church setting. That really only works in a rural old country church setting -- and probably for only up to 200 guests max. A barnyard wedding would be cute for what Jill was aiming for, but even then her guest list would need to be shaved down to about 350 to accommodate seating and parking. Could be really cute with benches and picnic tables which JB and the boys could easily build and then finish off with a distressed look -- and then do double duty by actually providing SEATING for your guests at the reception. Who doesn't provide their guests with seating at a reception??

Bottom line, you can't really pull off a "shabby chic" wedding for 1,000 guests without the right venue and the only appropriate venue I can think of that can accommodate that number is a vineyard and no way is JB going to go for that.

Well, unless that vineyard only produces grape juice a la Gil Bates.

 

I've been to a "shabby chic" wedding - at a vineyard and in a barn, no less, so it was probably closer to what Jill was envisioning.  I kind of think this 'theme' is not very guest friendly.  As guests at the "barn wedding" we went to we were freaking COLD all night long even in the summer.  Guest comfort was not on the list of priorities, for sure. At least we had somewhere to sit while we shivered, though.

[Soup333]

One thing I HATE about them is that they say whenever when they should be saying when. I noticed that it's not just the Duggars, Derrick and the pastor also said it in this episode. Must be a regional thing.

[DangerousMinds]

Also Jill's "Derick and I" when it should have been "me." But what can you expect with her lack of education?

[msblossom]

I've been to a "shabby chic" wedding - at a vineyard and in a barn, no less, so it was probably closer to what Jill was envisioning.  I kind of think this 'theme' is not very guest friendly.  As guests at the "barn wedding" we went to we were freaking COLD all night long even in the summer.  Guest comfort was not on the list of priorities, for sure.. At least we had somewhere to sit while we shivered, though.

I hate to say it, but many Millennials like Jill are pretty narcissistic when it comes to this.

[starfire]

For some reason I was thinking about the (alleged) root beer floats today.  That was an absolutely terrible idea, in my opinion. Seriously, there was very little ice cream in the plastic cups, and they covered that with room-temperature root beer. You could see the hundreds of 2-liters of root beer stacked up in the kitchen so there was no question it wasn't cold. Then they put the "floats" on trays and served them outside in the sun.  By the time the guests got them, the ice cream was certainly completely melted into the lukewarm root beer.

 

Bottom line -- what they served were not root beer floats. What the guests ended up with was warm "cream of root beer".  Yuck.

[NausetGirl]

What you didn't see the screen flash past Amy and Aunt Deanna for those 2 seconds? You must of blinked. I thought it kind of rude that they couldn't give Amy and Deanna a full 20 second interview.

 

Agree. If I'd been producing this show, I would have pared the program down to an hour and every other segment would have been interviews with anyone except  JB/Mechelle's nuclear family.  Both those the viewing audience already knows such as Grandma, Amy, the Bates etc - and those we don't know - as in groomsmen, wedding volunteers, wedding vendors and some of the "100s of friends we have coming in for the wedding from all over the country..." It would have been nice to know what other people were thinking, anyone except Boob and Mechelle. We know what they're going to say anyway. They repeat the same canned lines constantly, like those audio-animetronic figures at Disney. No more than one segment showing Boob blubbering over the loss of his baby girl. Nothing abuout Jill and Derick spending the day together before the ceremony. I would have shown much more behind-the-scenes action than TLC did too. Now I'm guessing maybe their coverage was so one-sided because they wasn't much else to show. Or there really were multiple behind-the-scenes gaffs. Most weddings have a token disaster or crisis but maybe this one legitimately had a lot and they chose to show only the melted ice cream. Maybe even TLC was bored.