S08.E15: Mr. & Mrs. Schwartz, Take Two

[OnceSane]

Quote

The group travels to Las Vegas to celebrate Schwartz and Katie's second wedding, but leave a heartbroken Kristen behind; Lisa shows off the Vanderpump Cocktail Garden; Beau calls Stassi's father to ask permission to propose.

Airs April 14 2020.

[The Ringo Kidd]

Pizzas. Burritos. In and Out burgers. Entire chocolate cakes.

Mrs Schwartz will take two.

[nexxie]

Mr. & Mrs. Schwartz in marriage counseling seems more appropriate - these two can’t stop punishing themselves and each other. Not fun to watch.

[TattleTeeny]

Not episode-specific, but does anyone know anything about Ariana's chain/coin necklace that she wears in the talking head segments? I don't see it on Shop Your TV and I want it! (Haha, maybe I can wear it with my star-print maxi dress, which Kristin was wearing last week!) 

Edited to add image. Maybe it's many necklaces instead of one? But I swear I have seen it on her in multiple talking head segments, and would someone always put on the same bunch of necklaces? I don't know. Maybe when I can leave my house someday, I'll just duplicate it with thriftshop stuff. 

Edited April 14, 2020 by TattleTeeny

[heatherchandler]

4 minutes ago, TattleTeeny said:

Not episode-specific, but does anyone know anything about Ariana's chain/coin necklace that she wears in the talking head segments? I don't see it on Shop Your TV and I want it! (Haha, maybe I can wear it with my star-print maxi dress, which Kristin was wearing last week!) 

Where did you find a star-print maxi???  I need that!

[TattleTeeny]

I got mine from Poshmark; the brand is Revolve.

ETA: Or wait--Kristin's was the Revolve one; maybe mine is NastyGal -- both brands have very similar star-print maxi dresses! 

https://www.revolve.com/lovers-friends-tucana-dress/dp/LOVF-WD441/

https://www.nastygal.com/drops-of-jupiter-star-dress/AGG94938.html

ETA2: Yup, mine is the latter. I remember now because those sleeve ties are a bit annoying!

 

Edited April 14, 2020 by TattleTeeny

[AnnieBananie]

I feel like three years of not having a kosher marriage license is a sign that the Schwartzes should heed. Should they go ahead and make it official? Given what we've seen the past few years (and what the previews show), I think it's a bad idea.

[LibertarianSlut]

1 hour ago, AnnieBananie said:

I feel like three years of not having a kosher marriage license is a sign that the Schwartzes should heed. Should they go ahead and make it official? Given what we've seen the past few years (and what the previews show), I think it's a bad idea.

Yes, it’s a horrible idea!  I think if they’re not really married yet, they should take this opportunity to cut and run.

I have been re-watching from the beginning (I’m on season four) and I realized I loathe Schwartz.  He is such a wimp and a baby.  He can’t work a job, he says modeling is his “bread and butter” but says in the next breath that modeling has never been very successful for him.  He drags his feet on marrying Katie, giving her a ring on a string, when there is film of her specifically asking him not to (!).  

The second worst thing about them for me is that Tom fucking went down to a pet store and bought a what appeared to be a mixed breed dog (when there are so many dogs that need homes that are being euthanized and pet stores purchase dogs from puppy mills).  

What is the absolute worst is that Katie and Tom think it’s ok to full-on talk baby talk to each other.  It is one of the grossest things I’ve ever had the displeasure to witness, and I could never be around them in real life.  They will be in a serious, adult discussion about cheating or commitment or Jax talking shit about Katie, and suddenly they will lapse into Katie saying “buuu” and Tom responding with “booo” and then they move on as if this is acceptable or ok for adults to do publicly whatsoever.  I am watching the episode right now where Schwartz takes it to the next level by getting “Bubba” tattooed on his ass.  I guess they literally take it to an art form when they put pictures that read “Bubba” on their walls What the fuck is that?  Is it supposed to be funny?  Or ironic?  Or clever?  Or show us some insight into their nightmare relationship?  There is zero appeal to Bubba, in any form.

I understand that Katie becomes full-on psycho hose beast as the show goes on, and she’s already showing Mean Girl signs between super early seasons and season four, and I know it’s going to get 1,000 worse, but I think Katie got the shit end of the deal with Schwartz.  He’s not a man; he’s a shlemiel.  I have no respect for him.  I have no respect for Katie for being in a constant vacant dream-like state where she is only functional and articulate when she’s telling someone off.  It’s a very unsettling combination.  

I don’t think they should get married, and I think they can both do better.  Together they are worse than the sum of their parts, which is kind of hard to accomplish...but they managed! 😒

[Steph J]

2 hours ago, LibertarianSlut said:

I have been re-watching from the beginning (I’m on season four) and I realized I loathe Schwartz.  He is such a wimp and a baby.  He can’t work a job, he says modeling is his “bread and butter” but says in the next breath that modeling has never been very successful for him.  He drags his feet on marrying Katie, giving her a ring on a string, when there is film of her specifically asking him not to (!).  

Yes, thank you!  Katie is terrible but Schwartz is the woooooooorst, especially because everyone around him treats his terminal suckiness like it's somehow adorable.

[Mr. Miner]

I guess after the party Danica’s vagina tasted like red velvet cake?

 I ask because they were tasting their own vaginas last week. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Edited April 15, 2020 by Mr. Miner

[jaybird2]

ken face looked strange.....his nose was very full.

[Steph J]

Man, Vegas Scheana is really laying it on thick.

Max: Someone call a Wahmbulance, he put down a toy and now Brett's picked it up and wants to play with it.

[Quilty]

The most un-funny un-inspired thing they've ever done. Seeing this group wear cheesy cheap costumes is getting really really annoying. Embarrassingly stupid.

[whydoievencare]

OMG, Schwartz says "there's no chance I wasn't losing that piece of paper".  What a fucking asshole.  He seems to think his behaviour is just so adorable but I certainly wouldn't want to be married to a child my whole married life and I don't really know who would.

[Callaphera]

Between "soberity" and "I'll have the cheeseburger with... cheese," Raquel was the star of the episode. Bless that sweet, dumb, bambi-eyed bitch. 

[LibertarianSlut]

Katie says she can’t eat pizza, because she’s getting married.  Fourteen seconds later she’s dipping pizza in ranch dressing and shoving it into her maw.  Great follow through there.  

Scheana, Dayna has no Duty To Warn if she goes on a date with Brett.  You guys aren’t friends!  And you made sure of that when you told her at the beginning of the season that there’s something about her that irritates you, so wank off.  

Charli says in her TH that she has learned that men in LA don’t consider a vagina to have a face...as opposed to all those guys from the Midwest or south who think vaginas do have faces?

Beau—ugh, you’re 40, learn how to pick up the telephone and ask a man a question.  I have never heard such an affected stutter in my life.  (I have no idea why men ask their girlfriends’ fathers if they can marry them anymore anyway, especially this girlfriend—she’s been out of the house for 15 years, and has lived with two guys that we know of.  I think the jig is up).

Does Lisa have a relationship with Caesar’s Palace?  I didn’t quite catch it either way.  I heard her garden bar in Vegas is bombing—never any people there and it closes super early.  

That wasn’t LVP’s bra in Schwartz’s suitcase—she would be lucky if that entire bra covered one of her breasts.  Those sliding rocks are an entity unto themselves.  

I thought the conversation between Kristen and Scheana was sweet and heartfelt.  I forgot that they were good friends for awhile.  I could see their friendship working so much better than Kristen with the witches of WeHo and Scheana being the mean cheerleader to a bunch of 22 year olds.  

Ariana’s got some junk in the trunk.  Where did that come from all of the sudden?  

Stassi looked very pretty this episode.  I wasn’t a giant fan of dressing up like a nun.  I thought it was in poor taste, but what else is new on VanderPump Rules, and specifically, this wedding?  

James, Dayna, Raquel and Brett went to the Pig & Whistle!  Any Chinatown fans out there?

Brett has a mom thing going on for Lisa?  Just like Schwartz was/is in love with her too, right?  No one is paying lip service to the boss, no one at all.  Plus, wouldn’t it be more of a grandmother thing?  When Dayna said Lisa had “a phat pussy,” I was all set to agree, given the FUPA Lisa flaunts regularly, but when Dayna explained what she meant by it...mmm, not so sure.  She does herself no favors by wearing skin-tight clothes with the cleavage constantly on display.  She’s a zillionaire.  She can’t find someone to give her styling tips?

Stassi and Beau were so cute ordering room service in posh English accents!  False.

Once again, Lisa is the den mother, ordering people to clean up their hotel rooms before they check out, as if there is no housekeeping.  I would so much sooner have just put that shit on my credit card in order to get her to leave me alone.  And the Scheana look-alike just happened to be in the room causing all kinds of shock and awe!  Did two single people In which we have nothing invested possibly have drunken intercourse when they were in Vegas?  Oh, I am titillated! 🙄

Cliffhanger:  Are Bub and Bubber actually married??  Oh, wait, I don’t care at all!

[nytonc]

Katie’s hair looks like it belongs on a dirty hippie chick at the corner of Haight & Ashbury in 1968! 

And Katie gets the grammar award tonight too for,  “Tom and I’s wedding...”

Edited April 15, 2020 by nytonc

[princelina]

I'll give Raquel props for this:  the expression on her face when Gross Slutty Dayna started in on "your gorgeous tongue and gorgeous lips on my gorgeous face" probably matched my own.

Did anyone else think that this show seemed especially producer-planned tonight?  It's almost like one of the producers completely forgot that RHBH starts tomorrow without her, busy as she is zooming around in private jets, buying out Barney's, designing Vegas suites, flashing cleavage and ziplining, all the while being the MILF that her young employees want to sleep with, smell her bra, or beg for permission to make personal life choices.  Who has time for another show?  Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

[FrankieTankie]

Are all the “men” on this show a bunch of sissy bitches... they’re a disgrace to all real men ... I can’t believe women are attracted to these worthless self absorbed men.... also I’m tired of hearing how hot Lisa is and how all these cast mates think she’s so freaking hot lol they aren’t that dumb cause they know who their cash cow is ... Schwartz is the biggest tool I’ve ever seen on tv ... dude is a 7 yr old in a mans body .... Katie needs to get a job so she stops eating with all her free time .... I wish Randall would lose all his money so we can see lala kick him to the curb cause we all know she’s only with his ugly ass cause of his money ..... James gf has to be the dumbest person ever on tv .... I’ll have the cheeseburger with the cheese ... thank god for her sakes she’s pretty 

[Marley]

Bleh to this episode.

Still too much Lisa. Now that she doesn’t have RHOBH she’s on this show so much.

New ppl still suck. Brett sucks really bad he is sucking up so hard to Lisa so he’s basically never gonna get kicked off this show.

The Max shit has to be fake. It was just too ridiculous.

[The Ringo Kidd]

4 hours ago, LibertarianSlut said:

What is the absolute worst is that Katie and Tom think it’s ok to full-on talk baby talk to each other.  It is one of the grossest things I’ve ever had the displeasure to witness, and I could never be around them in real life.  They will be in a serious, adult discussion about cheating or commitment or Jax talking shit about Katie, and suddenly they will lapse into Katie saying “buuu” and Tom responding with “booo” and then they move on as if this is acceptable or ok for adults to do publicly whatsoever.  I am watching the episode right now where Schwartz takes it to the next level by getting “Bubba” tattooed on his ass.  I guess they literally take it to an art form when they put pictures that read “Bubba” on their walls What the fuck is that?  Is it supposed to be funny?  Or ironic?  Or clever?  Or show us some insight into their nightmare relationship?  There is zero appeal to Bubba, in any form.

Wait a minute!

He calls her "Bubba?"

I thought he called her Blubber.

That makes a lot more sense.

[Ubiquitous]

On ‎4‎/‎11‎/‎2020 at 3:26 PM, OnceSane said:

"Mr. & Mrs. Schwartz, Take Two". The group travels to Las Vegas to celebrate Schwartz and Katie's second wedding, but leave a heartbroken Kristen behind; Lisa shows off the Vanderpump Cocktail Garden; Beau calls Stassi's father to ask permission to propose.

ANOTHER wedding and ANOTHER trip to Vegas? Why the hell is successful businesswoman Lisa Vanderbucks hanging around with these people and why does she think I want to hear her humblebrag about her beer garden and the room she was going to design? Good grief, another tacky themed wedding with whacky costumes? I'm sorry, but successful businesswoman Lisa Vanderbucks bragging about putting her bra in Schwartz's suitcase so he'd get into trouble was... bizarre. Speaking of which, what the hell happened to her husband? He looked familiar, maybe like Lambchop. That was just disturbing. And then Schwartz was excited about having it? Did he lose the paperwork again? I really don't care.

[hoodooznoodooz]

Oh, Katie. Don’t let them film you from behind, looking in your refrigerator while you’re still seated on your stool.

[The Ringo Kidd]

To be fair it is really hard to catch Katie when she is not looking in the refrigerator.

[princelina]

50 minutes ago, Ubiquitous said:

Speaking of which, what the hell happened to her husband? He looked familiar, maybe like Lambchop. That was just disturbing. 

Oh yeah that was hilarious - now we know why Ken has been kept in the limo for all of the previous episodes - waiting for the swelling from his facelift to go down 😄 😄 😄 

[hoodooznoodooz]

Rage lip-balming was funny.

[nexxie]

Producer LVP is looking more desperate than ever - having her young employees pretend to want to make out with her and sniff her bra. Narcissists don’t age gracefully.

Edited April 15, 2020 by nexxie

[biakbiak]

I don’t like Stassi for many reasons but both her parents are awful “I can’t guarantee she will be a good wife!”, fuck off asshole.

Edited April 15, 2020 by biakbiak

[PhilMarlowe2]

6 hours ago, LibertarianSlut said:

What is the absolute worst is that Katie and Tom think it’s ok to full-on talk baby talk to each other.  It is one of the grossest things I’ve ever had the displeasure to witness, and I could never be around them in real life.  They will be in a serious, adult discussion about cheating or commitment or Jax talking shit about Katie, and suddenly they will lapse into Katie saying “buuu” and Tom responding with “booo” and then they move on as if this is acceptable or ok for adults to do publicly whatsoever.  I am watching the episode right now where Schwartz takes it to the next level by getting “Bubba” tattooed on his ass.  I guess they literally take it to an art form when they put pictures that read “Bubba” on their walls What the fuck is that?  Is it supposed to be funny?  Or ironic?  Or clever?  Or show us some insight into their nightmare relationship?  There is zero appeal to Bubba, in any form.

Do you ever listen to "Sexy Unique Podcast?" They went deep into the Schwartz baby talk in last week's episode.

[glowbug]

Lisa Vanderpump leaving RHoBH was the worst thing to ever happen to this show. She was always less likable on VPR than she was on RH but we didn't have to see her as much. Also, it feels like the cast members lavished praise on her less in previous seasons or the editors cut more of their praise out. Now that she doesn't have RHoBH she's desperate for screen time and she's making this show worse. And the sucking up the cast members are doing doesn't make me more impressed by her. It makes me like her and them even less. Do they think the audience is buying what they're selling? I seriously want to vomit every time they talk about how amazing or sexy LVP is.

I pretty much hate all of the cast members with the exception of Kristen because I feel so sorry for her. She's clearly hurting and I have this thing called empathy. Stassi and Katie should try it sometime. Again, it's not that they have to stay friends with her or that she's behaved perfectly but the way they're going about breaking things off is so incredibly cruel, it's hard for me not to root for her.

Beau and Stassi may not be the most hateful people or couple on this show but they are the most annoying. Watching them is painful in a totally different way than watching Katie and Shwartz or Jax and Brittany. Those four are competing for the title of Most Odious Couple. I'm not interested in either of their first or second weddings. Jax saying his first wedding was better than Schwartz and Katie's second wedding was just pathetic. Not that it matters, but I thought Schwartz and Katie's first wedding was far better than Jax and Brittany's tacky never-ending only wedding. You can't really compare anyone's second wedding (to the same person or a different person) to another couple who have never been married before, to each other or anyone else.

I strongly dislike all of the new cast members and I hate all of the old ones (except Kristen). I think this show has jumped the shark a few times and if it weren't for this forum and the pandemic I would probably have given up on it a few episodes ago. 

[ivygirl]

Oh I’m SO GLAD that Danica is here to straighten out who should date based on astrological observations. I mean in their case, you could stick with, I don’t know, actual behavioral patterns on both sides.

When did foil dresses become stylish again?

Why is Katie sitting with a large pink couch cushion in front of her, in her talking heads? Oh, that’s a DRESS? 
 

 

[LibertarianSlut]

2 hours ago, PhilMarlowe2 said:

Do you ever listen to "Sexy Unique Podcast?" They went deep into the Schwartz baby talk in last week's episode.

I kind of have a rule that I won’t listen to podcasts about reality TV anymore, otherwise I would just have no intellectual pursuits left in my life whatsoever, but I’ve been sleeping odd hours right now, so I decided to try it out and...love!

I love this entire podcast, not just the way they describe “Schwartz’s passive-aggressive machinations” (which is now my new favorite phrase), but calling out the show in general for all its bullshit, which I think Watch What Crappens shies away from, which turns me off.  Sexy Unique Podcast has so much more sophisticated analyses.  They made a really good point that the show is suffocating under its own weight, because it has to be about VanderPump basically Ruling, week in, week out, so we can never, say, go on Scheana’s fertility journey with her, which I commented last week as the most compelling part of the show right now.  And no one will be honest or analyze what’s really happening in their lives; they will just be brutal about petty things, because that’s what drives a storyline.  And storylines preserve jobs.  

I love how they have Beau’s number too, with his “toxic” “underground superiority, entitlement and arrogance.” How did they get inside my head?!?  (Except they’re way funnier and more perceptive).

This podcast will really “go there.”  It’s controversial, and I’m pretty much only interested in controversial stuff.  Thanks for the suggestion.  Ben and Ronnie have work to do, I think.  I also think if I continue to listen to this podcast, I might start really hating the show, when now I only marginally hate it.  They just pull back the curtain and I’m like, “whoa, dude.”  Which brings me back around to Schwartz, so I’ll end here.  

Edited April 15, 2020 by LibertarianSlut
Typos

[Ubiquitous]

It sounds like I need to check this podcast out!

[chenoa333]

8 hours ago, princelina said:

waiting for the swelling from his facelift to go down 😄 😄 😄 

His eyebrows now look like McDonald's golden arches!

 

[snarts]

My standards must be low because I'm still thoroughly entertained by this show.  Who doesn't love a cast trip to Vegas?  I was however surprised by the invite list.  Max instead of Peter?  Peter could've just as easily hooked up with the Scheana clone.

Some of the new people are OK.  I enjoys Dayna and the fuck boys. Danica and the no-pasta girl can hit the road.  VPR has always had additions to the cast.  Remember Vail?  Billie, ugh?

Beau getting choked up calling Stassi's Dad and talking to Lisa was endearing.  I like them together, maybe more from social media than the show, but still. There are times when I find Ariana stunning, like last night on the zip line..  It's usually when she's mute because when she opens her mouth her dourness ruins it. 

Vanderpump Cocktail Garden at Caesars is gorgeuos and yeah I'd watch a series set there, Every new Bravo show deserves a chance :) 

[Carolina Girl]

BTW, Lisa and the Schwartzs need to check the LAW in California.  Section 423 of the California Family Code requires the OFFICIATE to file the marriage certificate with the Clerk/Recorder's office.   Her failure to do so didn't invalidate their marriage.  Section 306 of the same code specifically states that "noncompliance with this part [return the signed license] by a nonparty to the marriage does not invalidate the marriage."

You would think the first thing anyone not on a reality show would have done was consult a Family Law practitioner.  But then we couldn't all go to Vegas, kick Kristin in the ass once again and look at that new Cocktail Garden.  

[bichonblitz]

Why so much LVP now? Making her out to be the MILF of all time is disgusting. Brett lusting after her, Schwartz smelling her bra, Beau saying her approval to marry Stassi is the most important approval of all. Really, Beau? What in the fuck is happening to this show? I'm even getting annoyed at Kristin constantly crying and having sad face over Katie and Stassi. Get over it, already. Kristin has plenty of friends outside of this show. Go be with them.  

Oh, and for the record, I think the entire Katie/Schwartz not being legally married is total BS. They set that storyline up for the show. Katie and Schwartz need a story. Where I live, the officiant sends the paperwork in to the courthouse and they in turn send a fully executed copy to the couple. It has nothing to do with the bride or groom getting the paperwork at the ceremony. It's all such a lie! 

[angelamh66]

This episode brought to you by Vanderpump Cocktail Garden. Come for the drinks, stay for the lavishing of fake praise on the boss. 

NotSheana was working her audition hard. 

On the bright side I did enjoy Stassi and Sandoval as the officiants. That was at least some levity. 

[chenoa333]

47 minutes ago, bichonblitz said:

Why so much LVP now? Making her out to be the MILF of all time is disgusting. Brett lusting after her, Schwartz smelling her bra, Beau saying her approval to marry Stassi is the most important approval of all. Really, Beau? What in the fuck is happening to this show? I'm even getting annoyed at Kristin constantly crying and having sad face over Katie and Stassi. Get over it, already.

I'm not understanding the lust for LVP from the boys. If I was a boss, I'd fire anyone, male or female, for making inappropriate comments about me, or any other employees.

And Kristin...stay away from Katie. She's a bigger mess than you are. 

[Steph J]

27 minutes ago, chenoa333 said:

I'm not understanding the lust for LVP from the boys. If I was a boss, I'd fire anyone, male or female, for making inappropriate comments about me, or any other employees.

Can't fire them for something they're contractually obligated to do.

[JessicaJones18]

Schwartz, “I wanna keep it. Not in a weird way.”
Katie, “There’s no other way.”
Schwartz, “All right, good point.”

[Kiki777]

The whole fake-Scheana thing was more like a fake-storyline thing.

Do all of Lisa’s Pomeranians have alopecia?  That one dog on the plane had a hairless tail that looked like a rat and I’m sorry but that startled me a little.  

In Raquel’s defense, maybe there were two cheeseburgers on the menu?  One with cheese and one with raw sewage, and she really really didn’t want to get stuck with the raw sewage one.

[ErikaAlyson]

Schwartz is one of my favorites but he disappointed me when he forgot the marriage license lol is that what you call it? Or marriage certificate? Lol. Anyways does he not really wanna be with her? I’m not sure if that’s just a part of Katie’s storyline or not. I like the real Scheana much better lol Max slept with that girl quick. Lisa was acting kind of skanky to me lol I’ve never seen her act like that lol but she’s cute. 

[heatherchandler]

14 hours ago, Ubiquitous said:

ANOTHER wedding and ANOTHER trip to Vegas? Why the hell is successful businesswoman Lisa Vanderbucks hanging around with these people and why does she think I want to hear her humblebrag about her beer garden and the room she was going to design? Good grief, another tacky themed wedding with whacky costumes? I'm sorry, but successful businesswoman Lisa Vanderbucks bragging about putting her bra in Schwartz's suitcase so he'd get into trouble was... bizarre. 

That was no humblebrag, that was a full on BRAG.  And it made me cringe!

 

10 hours ago, LibertarianSlut said:

 

I love how they have Beau’s number too, with his “toxic” “underground superiority, entitlement and arrogance.” How did they get inside my head?!?  (Except they’re way funnier and more perceptive).

 

Arrogance is exactly the word for Beau.

[Thumper]

I sit down to watch this show every week, then I hardly pay attention, but I agree there is far too much LVP!!!   At least I liked her hat at the ceremony this week.  

[Carolina Girl]

I loved the LVP of Beverly Hills Housewives.

I am not overly fond of the LVP of Vanderpump Rules.  I liked her in the early seasons when she was kicking ass over their behavior but in a REAL boss lady way - not the ridiculous Dr. Phil version she does now.  

[bichonblitz]

So Stassi and Sandoval are OK now? After we had to go through how many episodes of them fighting? Keep phoning it in, Stassi. 

[chenoa333]

4 hours ago, Carolina Girl said:

I loved the LVP of Beverly Hills Housewives.

I am not overly fond of the LVP of Vanderpump Rules.  I liked her in the early seasons when she was kicking ass over their behavior but in a REAL boss lady way - not the ridiculous Dr. Phil version she does now.  

But she is getting us in the mood for the (not going to happen) Kentucky Derby with her constant display of hats.

[AnnieBananie]

I can almost believe that Katie is dumb enough to marry Schwartz once, but I can't possibly believe she's not only dumb enough to marry him twice, and then even dumber to trust him with the paperwork! WTF?! She's stupider than he is, and that's saying something!

[The Ringo Kidd]

Well Katie is not working so she is worried about where her next meal is coming from.

Really, really worried.