S10.E07: New Wife, New Life

[Racj82]

25 minutes ago, DrewPaul2010 said:

Whats wrong with that? My wife and I have been roommates for over 15 years...

Sounds lovely.

[Ohwell]

What annoys me about "Pastor" Cal is that confused look he gets on his face when he's talking to Zach or any other person who's spewing word salad.  You would think a counselor as he purports to be would have heard enough bullshit that he wouldn't look so confused.  I think he does it for the cameras.

[Neurochick]

6 hours ago, Sterling said:

Brandon may suffer from arrested development, i.e., the age he was at the time of his brother's murder.  I'm not sure of his age at that time, but he strikes me as a very pre-teen/early teen boy, in that he runs and hides as soon as he doesn't like something.  Tantrums, with the legal allowance via age of alcohol.  This boy needs more help than a marriage, and I shame the "experts" for not seeing that.  

The experts saw this really cute guy (at least I think Brandon is adorable), and just like any teenage boy, he can be very polite to the "adults".  But knowing his history, I sure wish they'd have recommended/even paid for therapy, and sent him on his way, rather than matching him with someone who clearly already has her adult future going.

I don't believe that the experts pick any of these people.  I think they are picked by the producers and then the experts have to deal with who they've chosen. 

[Elizzikra]

50 minutes ago, Ohwell said:

What annoys me about "Pastor" Cal is that confused look he gets on his face when he's talking to Zach or any other person who's spewing word salad.  You would think a counselor as he purports to be would have heard enough bullshit that he wouldn't look so confused.  I think he does it for the cameras.

Zach confuses me. I don’t know why Pastor Cal doesn’t just say “zach you’re full of shit” or minimally, “zach, nothing you have said makes the slightest bit of sense.”

[OnTime]

On 2/13/2020 at 3:21 PM, essexjan said:

I'm wondering if the pressure on Brandon and Zach to join their wives in the apartments is due to the contracts they've signed. Maybe they're required to commit to the filming, with some kind of financial penalty if they bail early. Otherwise in theory the producers could be left with all the couples deciding to bail before the ink's dried on the marriage certificate and then there's no show at all and a shit-ton of money already sunk into production costs.

 

 

 

I doubt a boatload of money is spent on production.  Same wedding place, honeymoon place, bus, apartments, ..... We know the wedding receptions were at the same time.

This show is probably cheaply produced.

Edited February 16, 2020 by OnTime

[StatisticalOutlier]

On 2/13/2020 at 2:43 PM, Pattylatty said:

Zack thinks he’s God’s gift so he must have expected to get a real hottie instead of a real woman.  His wife is not the prettiest nor does she have a banging bod but she’s a class act, if a little needy. 

She doesn't come across to me as super feminine, and between that and not being blonde, think it may affect how Zach feels about her.  He did, after all, call her MANdy instead of Mindy.

 

On 2/13/2020 at 9:21 PM, After7Only said:

I just don’t understand why this show would cast a 26 year old man who has never been in love.   That’s a huge red flag!   Sounds more like he’s not ready for love/commitment.  Poor Katie.

In my time, I've known quite a few men who had never been in love when they were in their mid-20s and even beyond.  Most of them had never dated much, but one in particular had, but had never felt that spark.  To my knowledge, all of them are now in decades-long relationships.

 

On 2/14/2020 at 1:37 AM, Yeah No said:

Oh, and BTW Derek, fake guns are what gets people killed.  A really dangerous thing to own even in your night table.

Aah, he's white though.

 

19 hours ago, retired watcher said:

I think she meant a top sheet. My mom never used them and I don't use one either.

How often do you wash the comforter/bedspread/duvet cover?  That's my issue with Austin--it sounds like he's possibly in the "never" category.

I just remembered that I encountered the duvet-and-no-top-sheet thing in Europe, but my understanding was that they treat the duvet cover as if it's a top sheet and wash it accordingly, and I don't think that's what Austin's up to.  Or, rather, it might be that he doesn't wash ANY of his sheets.

Edited February 15, 2020 by StatisticalOutlier

[spunky]

5 hours ago, Empress1 said:

And he directly said something about Zach's word salad bullshit - he said something like "I'm trying to understand you, but ..." as he rubbed his head. You could tell Zach was wearing him out. 

 One of my favorite songs. She speaks the truth! There's nothing wrong with Zach not being interested in Mindy. It's the rare person that does NOT have the experience of someone they like not liking them back, or someone being into us that we try to like That Way but we just can't get there. He's just being a dick about it, and he's trying so hard NOT to look like a dick and it makes him look worse.

Yes!!! I also feel like his conversation with Taylor and Brandon happened after he met with Zach. He seemed to be over it at that point.

[spunky]

4 hours ago, OnTime said:

So what will now happen with the seven weeks left? Zach is filmed in his house and Mindy the apartment?

Is there anything left for the show with these two?

This seems like their best option. He’s told her directly and indirectly that he’s not attracted to her. She’s too busy trying to prove her parents wrong and trying to make Zach like her. When I worked as a Social Worker we were always told that we could not directly tell the clients what to do. We could indirectly imply something or make a suggestion and allow the client to think it was their bright idea once they did it. That is what Pastor Cal was doing with both Mindy/Zach and Brandon/Taylor.

[Meowwww]

FWIW, nurses deserve high pay.  The things they see and do and put up with....my mom died in July.  She had an aortic dissection.  The nurses were wonderful.  I saw so many screaming ugly families abusing the nurses, it was sad. 
Derek was very careful...he talked about fake guns but never once said his was fake.  Implied, yes, kind of.  His wasn’t fake. 
Meka never forgets and never forgives.  Cal had to tell her to comfort Michael, because it wasn’t her instinctive reaction.  She’s young and thinks it’s her way or the highway; the way she talked about how awesome she was to try to fix things that were wrong turned me cold.  
ETA hubby and I don’t use a top sheet.  We use a duvet cover.  Wayyyy better than a sheet that ends up at the bottom of the bed.  We discovered this loveliness on a trip to Europe.  And we wash the entire bed, pillows and all, every Sunday.  (We bathe our dog every Sunday too, can’t have a stinky dog sleep in a clean bed lol). 

Edited February 16, 2020 by Meowwww

[Somanydogs]

I am really disturbed by this show and most of all, the comments.  I assume that most of us watching are female.  Why are we tearing up the women?  Michael tells Meka that if she doesn't fuck him on the honeymoon, he's done - and she's a controlling freak? It's not on camera so why would we believe her?  Rape culture.   Brandon has shown substance abuse and anger issues on screen.  Remove him now.  Zack  is abusing Mindy emotionally so that he and his hair get screen time.

Are any of the men being abused?  In any way?  Any form?

I hope there is an eventual lawsuit.  These women are being abused.

 

[Liberty]

4 hours ago, OnTime said:

I doubt a boatload of money is spent on production.  Same wedding place, honeymoon lace, bus, apartments, ..... We know the wedding receptions were at the same time.

 

It seems as if many of the venues are contributed by the venues themselves, in exchange for promotion.  The venues names are made part of the taping when the venues 'cooperate', and omitted, or in the case of t-shirt brands and trucker caps, covered with duct tape if a contribution to the show is not made.

A couple of seasons ago someone revealed a family connection between some rented apartment and Poseur Swartz. 

Yeah, pretty cheaply produced.

[Meowwww]

36 minutes ago, Somanydogs said:

I am really disturbed by this show and most of all, the comments.  I assume that most of us watching are female.  Why are we tearing up the women?  Michael tells Meka that if she doesn't fuck him on the honeymoon, he's done - and she's a controlling freak? It's not on camera so why would we believe her?  Rape culture.   Brandon has shown substance abuse and anger issues on screen.  Remove him now.  Zack  is abusing Mindy emotionally so that he and his hair get screen time.

Are any of the men being abused?  In any way?  Any form?

I hope there is an eventual lawsuit.  These women are being abused.

 

As an actual victim of both mental and physical abuse (had a gun at my head, was screamed at daily about how awful I was for 8 years, plus several trips to the hospital before I got out)  , I see it on both sides.  I am almost 50, so in my early days, abuse wasn’t so all-encompassing as it is now.  
We didn’t see the convo between Michael and Meka.  I am only going by what I see as her rigidity. Her rules.  The perception is that Michael better toe the line, or else.  That doesn’t negate it if he said that to her, or if she only interpreted it as such.  We don’t know...we only know what we see, all the rest is extrapolation.  My narc ex had the same rules as Meka, and told me all of them right off, like she did.  He also talked about what a great “fixer” he was.  How he should be a CEO because he understands how to make things right.  I see him in her, and my visceral reaction makes me dislike her. Abuse goes both ways and to blanket it as otherwise is unfair. 
Editing is at work here.  They want us to feel a certain way. 
Brandon, for example.  He clearly has problems.  His unloading on Taylor was documented abuse.  Not ok.  At all. Zach is an idiot, but not abusive ( on camera) , just trying in his own word-salad way to say he’s not into her.  Telling someone you aren’t attracted to them isn’t abuse, unless it’s said in an abusive way.  Again, we didn’t see that.  
We have to be careful what we call abuse, especially in the realm of reality tv.  It’s a huge powerful word and sadly it’s becoming what “bullying” is....a former serious word changed to mean anyone who doesn’t agree with you is bullying.  
To blanket it and say all the women are being abused is negating the experiences of those of us who have lived it....simply because we only know what the editors show us. 

Edited February 16, 2020 by Meowwww

[Empress1]

On 2/13/2020 at 3:21 PM, essexjan said:

 

I'm wondering if the pressure on Brandon and Zach to join their wives in the apartments is due to the contracts they've signed. Maybe they're required to commit to the filming, with some kind of financial penalty if they bail early. Otherwise in theory the producers could be left with all the couples deciding to bail before the ink's dried on the marriage certificate and then there's no show at all and a shit-ton of money already sunk into production costs.

 

I'm sure they're required to commit to the filming schedule even if they decide they want out before the 8 weeks are up. Miami Heather bailed literally the day they got back from the honeymoon and they had all this filler stuff with both of them - them telling their loved ones they were out, doing bullshit busywork exercises like writing each other letters for closure, etc.

With this, since they've meshed the couples more, I could see plenty of opportunity for show if they all decided to split early (on the Miami season, the couples didn't interact with each other) - they'd have the group rehash the breakups ad nauseam.

[Racj82]

5 hours ago, Somanydogs said:

I am really disturbed by this show and most of all, the comments.  I assume that most of us watching are female.  Why are we tearing up the women?  Michael tells Meka that if she doesn't fuck him on the honeymoon, he's done - and she's a controlling freak? It's not on camera so why would we believe her?  Rape culture.   Brandon has shown substance abuse and anger issues on screen.  Remove him now.  Zack  is abusing Mindy emotionally so that he and his hair get screen time.

Are any of the men being abused?  In any way?  Any form?

I hope there is an eventual lawsuit.  These women are being abused.

 

We don't what was actually said which is the issue. Everyone would be on Meka's side if we actually saw what went down like she said.

But we have a he said/she said situation. So, people have to draw their own conclusions. We can also only go but what we see and Meka comes off as really hard to deal with. That we can see. And they had one bad interaction. She's not being abused.

With Mindy and Taylor, I by no means condone what is going on with them but they can walk. I don't know where this info keeps coming from but they are not forced to finish out the show. People have left before the weeks are up plenty of times. Sure you may not get paid or paid in full but they can walk. Why they are staying is beyond me. If they have bigger problems that are keeping them here mentally, they should have never been cleared with this show to begin with.

[Kareem]

7 hours ago, Meowwww said:

As an actual victim of both mental and physical abuse (had a gun at my head, was screamed at daily about how awful I was for 8 years, plus several trips to the hospital before I got out)  , I see it on both sides.  I am almost 50, so in my early days, abuse wasn’t so all-encompassing as it is now.  
We didn’t see the convo between Michael and Meka.  I am only going by what I see as her rigidity. Her rules.  The perception is that Michael better toe the line, or else.  That doesn’t negate it if he said that to her, or if she only interpreted it as such.  We don’t know...we only know what we see, all the rest is extrapolation.  My narc ex had the same rules as Meka, and told me all of them right off, like she did.  He also talked about what a great “fixer” he was.  How he should be a CEO because he understands how to make things right.  I see him in her, and my visceral reaction makes me dislike her. Abuse goes both ways and to blanket it as otherwise is unfair. 
Editing is at work here.  They want us to feel a certain way. 
Brandon, for example.  He clearly has problems.  His unloading on Taylor was documented abuse.  Not ok.  At all. Zach is an idiot, but not abusive ( on camera) , just trying in his own word-salad way to say he’s not into her.  Telling someone you aren’t attracted to them isn’t abuse, unless it’s said in an abusive way.  Again, we didn’t see that.  
We have to be careful what we call abuse, especially in the realm of reality tv.  It’s a huge powerful word and sadly it’s becoming what “bullying” is....a former serious word changed to mean anyone who doesn’t agree with you is bullying.  
To blanket it and say all the women are being abused is negating the experiences of those of us who have lived it....simply because we only know what the editors show us. 

So very well said and sincerely sorry for what you had endured... 

[Liberty]

Rambling thoughts about Zach.

Mindy would be a real prize for any male who wants to be married and not found someone on their own.  

Zach, is not attracted to her.  If he was attracted to her he'd participate in developing their marriage.  So his criteria for developing a relationship, in this case marriage, is based on whether or not he is attracted to the female.  (A real possibility would be to consider he said he would do his best to let the show match him with a wife.  He only imagined he would be attracted to her by the second night of marriage.)

If that's his standard for developing a relationship, is it safe to assume he has NEVER been attracted to a female?  If he had found a woman attractive he would have developed the relationship, so would not be on MAFS.

Did he try and develop relationships with women he was attracted to, women would could not tolerate his level of self-absorption?  

The poor fellow is demonstrating what a loser he is.  He has however established a good relationship with mirrors and skin care.  Poor Mindy.

[Empress1]

2 hours ago, Liberty said:

If that's his standard for developing a relationship, is it safe to assume he has NEVER been attracted to a female?  If he had found a woman attractive he would have developed the relationship, so would not be on MAFS.

If by "developed the relationship" you mean "married," in this day and age, the vast majority of people who get married don't marry the first person they date. It's even possible to have fulfilling relationships with people you're in love with that you don't wind up marrying. And being 32 and single in DC isn't unusual at all. I don't know anything about Zach's romantic past but I think it's safer to assume he's had relationships with women that didn't work out than that he's never been attracted to any woman. I think he's talked about his previous attractions before, although I will admit I stop listening to him when he gets to rambling.

I actually don't think Zach is particularly complex. He strikes me as very basic. IMO he's just a dude who's pretty into himself, very conscious of the fact that he's on TV, and not at all into the person with whom he was matched.

[Neurochick]

13 hours ago, Meowwww said:

We have to be careful what we call abuse, especially in the realm of reality tv.  It’s a huge powerful word and sadly it’s becoming what “bullying” is....a former serious word changed to mean anyone who doesn’t agree with you is bullying.  
To blanket it and say all the women are being abused is negating the experiences of those of us who have lived it....simply because we only know what the editors show us. 

I am very sorry for what you went through.

Brandon was abusive not only to Taylor but to the producers.  But I believe he never should have been picked for the show, period.  Why?  Well, I assume that he told the producers what he told Taylor on their wedding day.  His brother was killed because of gang violence.  Brandon was a child when it happened.  If a child suffers a trauma it could cause PTSD in that child. 

I listened to an interview with a homeless woman on YouTube.  She said that keeping relationships and keeping a job is hard for her because of her PTSD, as she was sexually abused as a child.  If you have PTSD, things can trigger you that wouldn't trigger someone without PTSD.  Maybe when Brandon's brother was killed there was a lot of media attention, lots of cameras.  Sometimes the local media isn't exactly respectful when it comes to covering stories (I once remember a story where a mother of a murdered child was interviewed in the kitchen and the camera zoomed in on what was cooking in the pot, WTF?).  So I feel Brandon shouldn't have been chosen for the show.

I'm not sure Michael should have been chosen.  When he said he was the first person in his family to get married, that bugged me.  How do you know how to act as a husband or a wife if you've never seen it modeled?  I don't know what Michael said to Meka.  But, what I see in Meka is a woman who doesn't seem to want to compromise, who doesn't seem to want to bend.  Maybe she doesn't know how to act as a wife?  Could be.

I don't think Zach should have been chosen either because I don't think he understands what the show is about.  Zach doesn't get that sometimes people are blinded by looks.  I don't see him as abusive, just ignorant.

4 hours ago, Liberty said:

If that's his standard for developing a relationship, is it safe to assume he has NEVER been attracted to a female?  If he had found a woman attractive he would have developed the relationship, so would not be on MAFS.

I think Zach is one of those people who gets blinded by looks.  He probably never has considered personality, and eventually gets screwed in the end.

[Starlight925]

12 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

Brandon   I believe he never should have been picked for the show, period. 

I'm not sure Michael should have been chosen.  

I don't think Zach should have been chosen

I read that 8 of the 10 people on this season were recruited from dating websites, etc., and only 2 were those who actually applied.

I'm taking a wild guess and feeling like Brandon, Zach, and Taylor were recruited rather than applied.  Possibly Michael too.

That's the problem with this format.  Of the hundreds (thousands?) who apply, only two were selected, the rest, the producers found from Tinder, etc.

It's no wonder why they have 5 couples this season.  They know that most won't make it, but they want to show "success", so they can have future shows.  So they are hedging their bets, adding couples so that they can show how "amazing" the experts (producers) are.

Edited February 16, 2020 by Sterling

[humbleopinion]

Meka may be rigid but My Pal the Principal Michael has his own idiosyncrasies...

Keeping a fry pan on the stove with the spatula in it rather than using your drawers, shelves and cabinets to tuck it away out of sight...and insisting that it is practical...the piles of stuff made me twitchy...

Asking for canned evaporated milk like a 95 year old man who went through the Depression for his room service brekky.

Yuck... keeping his shoes on the wire shelf above his hanging clothes in his closet

Brandon confounds me.

Why would he sign on, recruited or not, to do a reality show.

Don't think he has problems with the ladies.

Cannot conceive him ever being truly open and honest with anyone until he gets his past trauma dealt with... he self confesses to be shy....why sign up to do a reality show?

Hope he is confronted by Taylor, the producer, "the experts" to tell the audience what was his motivation to do MAFS....

 

 

[Neurochick]

12 minutes ago, humbleopinion said:

Hope he is confronted by Taylor, the producer, "the experts" to tell the audience what was his motivation to do MAFS....

But who will confront the producers for selecting him?

 

13 minutes ago, humbleopinion said:

Keeping a fry pan on the stove with the spatula in it rather than using your drawers, shelves and cabinets to tuck it away out of sight...and insisting that it is practical...the piles of stuff made me twitchy...

IDK, maybe he didn't have space to put it away.  I don't get why that's an issue, sorry.

[Higgins]

9 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

But who will confront the producers for selecting him?

 

IDK, maybe he didn't have space to put it away.  I don't get why that's an issue, sorry.

It seems practical to me. It was clean who cares if it's there?

[Neurochick]

1 hour ago, Sterling said:

I read that 8 of the 10 people on this season were recruited from dating websites, etc., and only 2 were those who actually applied.

I'm taking a wild guess and feeling like Brandon, Zach, and Taylor were recruited rather than applied.  Possibly Michael too.

That's the problem with this format.  Of the hundreds (thousands?) who apply, only two were selected, the rest, the producers found from Tinder, etc.

Question.  What difference does it make if someone was recruited rather than applied?  Both groups have the same experience, I'm sure both groups are told what the show is about, they know they will marry a stranger.  The only difference it would make to me would be if the people who are recruited were paid. 

[Elizzikra]

Quote

I'm not sure Michael should have been chosen.  When he said he was the first person in his family to get married, that bugged me.  How do you know how to act as a husband or a wife if you've never seen it modeled? 

There are plenty of people out there who grow up without everyday models of marriage and a lot of them marry and do just fine. There are also people who group with married parents who are absolutely horrible role models for healthy relationships. This part of Michael's story doesn't bother me at all.

Quote

IDK, maybe he didn't have space to put it away.  I don't get why that's an issue, sorry.

He had space - as Meka noted, all his cabinets were empty. But it didn't bother me. He lives alone so as long as he's happy with it that way, no problem. It's not like he left a dirty, food encrusted pan on the stove.

Quote

Question.  What difference does it make if someone was recruited rather than applied?  Both groups have the same experience, I'm sure both groups are told what the show is about, they know they will marry a stranger.  The only difference it would make to me would be if the people who are recruited were paid. 

I don't really care that people were recruited. People on dating sites are often looking for relationships that will lead to marriage. There are a lot of people out there who are looking for marriage who have never seen or heard of the show and thus wouldn't know to apply. In fact, the more I think of it, the more I think the applicant pool is probably pretty small, even with them doing whatever marketing they do.

Edited February 16, 2020 by Elizzikra

[Starlight925]

deleted

Edited February 16, 2020 by Sterling

[Palomar]

1 hour ago, humbleopinion said:

 

Brandon confounds me.

Why would he sign on, recruited or not, to do a reality show.

Don't think he has problems with the ladies.

Cannot conceive him ever being truly open and honest with anyone until he gets his past trauma dealt with... he self confesses to be shy....why sign up to do a reality show?

Hope he is confronted by Taylor, the producer, "the experts" to tell the audience what was his motivation to do MAFS....

 

 

I'm wondering if Brandon is bipolar.  If so, Taylor will never know what Brandon she will get day to day and have to learn the things that set him off.  Not an easy life.

[Neurochick]

2 minutes ago, Elizzikra said:

There are plenty of people out there who grow up without everyday models of marriage and a lot of them marry and do just fine. There are also people who group with married parents who are absolutely horrible role models for healthy relationships. This part of Michael's story doesn't bother me at all.

I remember someone once saying that he didn't grow up in a dysfunctional family, he grew up in a dysfunctional neighborhood.  When he got married he said he realized that many things her thought normal, were in fact insane. 

[princelina]

 

1 hour ago, Neurochick said:

Question.  What difference does it make if someone was recruited rather than applied?  Both groups have the same experience, I'm sure both groups are told what the show is about, they know they will marry a stranger.  The only difference it would make to me would be if the people who are recruited were paid. 

To me the difference is that the ones who are recruited haven't yet "tried everything to find love" like we were told in past seasons was true of the contestants.  Somewhere in all of these postings here is an interview with a man who did MAFS in another country (maybe England?) who told what it was like - he was recruited and for the first rounds of interviews they just knew that they were going to be on TV for some kind of dating show.  The marriage bit was sprung on them towards the end.  At that point someone like Zach might think, "Take a chance - you've come this far and it will get you on tv" which is not fair to someone like Mindy, who perhaps HAS "tried everything to find love" and thinks she will be matched with someone else like that.

[configdotsys]

We can only interpret what we are shown here and while I think Meka is an overall difficult person, I believe that her telling of what Michael said is accurate. I believe it because her exasperation when he denied it did not smell fake to me. Also, any normal person who is misquoted or accused of saying something that they did not would not just give a clipped "No" when asked. The person would clarify what happened and relay the conversation. He did none of that.

As far as recruiting goes, it makes a big difference to me because the recruited people are hand picked for their television look, are told about all the exposure they will get, and have an agenda that has nothing to do with trying to find the love of their life. They are likely far removed from the premise of the show but are matched up with people who genuinely applied because they were looking for love. This is how we wind up with matches like Mindy and Zach. We get to watch (stupid) Mindy twist in the wind and drive herself crazy trying to figure out how to keep this dude that's way out of her league, as if she can do that. She can't because if he was recruited, the game is rigged against her from the jump and his reason for being there has nothing to do with dating or love at all. 

 

[Racj82]

I'm going to disagree with a few things going on.

With Brandon being brought in, I can't fault the show for that. People lead with their representative all the time. The image they want to portray. There is no telling how long it would have took to see this toolish side of himself. They should for sure have a longer vetting process but that can only show so much. 

Zach and whether he's attracted to Mindy or not says nothing about his prior dating history. In his prior dating history I'm going go out on a limb and say that he's been able to see who he's dating and actually pick his own dates. He shouldn't have a agreed to this show if his version of attractive was so stringent but it's still human. Only thing that bothers me about him is that he won't walk away. There is no upward mobility here.

Never being in love in itself like Derek says nothing about his actual ability to love or understand love. He just hasn't found it. It's human. Not everyone dates around all the time or falls in love with everyone they date.

Michael not having married couples in his family means nothing either. You have television, movies, books, friends that are married. There are always so many ways to learn. A lot things about marriage and relationships are common sense anyway. 

We have to communicate in order to know what each other is feeling? Respect your spouse? Listen and be held accountable for your own actions? Work together?

What? How could I ever figure these things out?

All of my immediate visions of marriage have ended in divorce. My parents. Best friends. I'm 37. I've never been in a real relationship. Never been in love. Never married. I'm not weird. I'm not a shut in. I'm not afraid of commitment. I tried for years to out myself out there but I just never found love. A lot of rejections or potential that wasn't met. So, I just started to concentrate or work and myself.

But, with all of those supposed red flags I would never do the dumb shit many people do on this show.

I watched the things my dad did that broke up my parents marriage. I watched my mom fight and suffer. But, that's not a negative for me in the present. I learned from that. I would never cheat on my wife. Neglect her like my dad did. I watch and listen to those around me. I've learned so much just from listening. 

Everyone Im close to will tell you that would run to me for relationship advice in a meant while knowing my background. Even people I'm not that close to have which confuses me. 

A lot of this stuff is just common sense. Doing the right thing is harder for more people than one realizes sometimes.

 

 

[talktoomuch]

18 minutes ago, configdotsys said:

We can only interpret what we are shown here and while I think Meka is an overall difficult person, I believe that her telling of what Michael said is accurate. I believe it because her exasperation when he denied it did not smell fake to me. Also, any normal person who is misquoted or accused of saying something that they did not would not just give a clipped "No" when asked. The person would clarify what happened and relay the conversation. He did none of that.

Two things. First, you believe that Meka's exasperation is a sign that she is telling the truth. I don't think anyone has said Meka is lying. It is clear that she believes 100% that she is telling the truth. However, there are indications that what she believes may be her perception of the truth rather than a fact.

Second, Michael has said multiple times that he did not say what Meka says he said. I consider myself a "normal" person, and I'm pretty sure if someone asked me to repeat verbatim something I said 7 days ago, 7 hours ago, or even at times 7 minutes ago, I wouldn't be able to. And I'd probably get sick of being asked to do so.

A clipped "No" and crying in frustration mirror the concern many have expressed here that if Meka will not let this specific issue go, this marriage will fail. Michael stated he doesn't want to fail, but the only option he has is to agree that he said something he continues to deny he said. How is his frustration not similarly evidence that he is being truthful?

[Hangin Out]

On 2/14/2020 at 4:08 PM, Lindz said:

I remember seeing a shot of Bobby in a bar on the matchmaking episode. That made me think they recruited him at that bar. 😂 Luckily, he gave up his age limit when they checked & was able to get married & have a baby. He's making himself okay with his marriage. We'll see if that ever changes.

His marriage will remain good as long as he keeps giving her everything she wants and does everything she says.  Is he human?  Does he ever yell?  Does he ever get mad at her?  No!  They broke the mold.  I’ve never seen anything like it.  Actually, I’m jealous.

[Ohwell]

1 hour ago, talktoomuch said:

Two things. First, you believe that Meka's exasperation is a sign that she is telling the truth. I don't think anyone has said Meka is lying. It is clear that she believes 100% that she is telling the truth. However, there are indications that what she believes may be her perception of the truth rather than a fact.

Second, Michael has said multiple times that he did not say what Meka says he said. I consider myself a "normal" person, and I'm pretty sure if someone asked me to repeat verbatim something I said 7 days ago, 7 hours ago, or even at times 7 minutes ago, I wouldn't be able to. And I'd probably get sick of being asked to do so.

A clipped "No" and crying in frustration mirror the concern many have expressed here that if Meka will not let this specific issue go, this marriage will fail. Michael stated he doesn't want to fail, but the only option he has is to agree that he said something he continues to deny he said. How is his frustration not similarly evidence that he is being truthful?

Thank you.  Thank you for saying this, especially the bolded part.  

[OnTime]

38 minutes ago, Silver Bells said:

His marriage will remain good as long as he keeps giving her everything she wants and does everything she says.  Is he human?  Does he ever yell?  Does he ever get mad at her?  No!  They broke the mold.  I’ve never seen anything like it.  Actually, I’m jealous.

He seems to swear a lot on instagram stories and was out shooting ducks and a deer.  I'm not jealous.

[redpencil]

Quote

As far as recruiting goes, it makes a big difference to me because the recruited people are hand picked for their television look, are told about all the exposure they will get, and have an agenda that has nothing to do with trying to find the love of their life. They are likely far removed from the premise of the show but are matched up with people who genuinely applied because they were looking for love.

I don't know why we would assume that everyone who applied and is selected is genuinely looking for love and those chosen from a dating site are not. The people who applied are seeking to be on tv. They might be genuinely giving this a shot, but they might be just as likely to be looking for exposure. There are people out there who apply for every reality show they can just to get on tv. I don't know why this show would be an exception to that. I'm sure there have been genuine people on this show who were recruited, and genuine people who applied. And there have also been non-genuine people on both sides as well. The issue isn't how they came to be in the pool, the issue is how they are vetted and ultimately selected.

[Hangin Out]

On 2/15/2020 at 10:12 AM, LennieBriscoe said:

Or maybe those "bossypants" are more than A-OK with Austin! 😉 😈

Oh, never mind.  Too embarrassed to ask.

[Hangin Out]

On 2/12/2020 at 9:38 PM, ShowFan said:

All the bs that Zach spills...He can just say the truth: boobs and butt are what’s missing from his marriage. Don’t bs us about intelligence and drive. Mindy has plenty of those 

It was clear as day, they were mismatched.  Pretty boy needed exactly what you said, plus, he went on for exposure and money .. then a divorce.  Easy, breezy, except he broke her heart.  If this set up is real.

[humbleopinion]

Mindy was blinded by Zach's model looks and is crushed that he (let's say it all together)...has no attraction to her..

What if Neil or Dave or Basement Ryan was her groom?

Would it sting less since they are just regular looking dudes?

 

[Hangin Out]

Let’s put it this way.  If Mindy was sitting in a bar having a drink, Zack would not go over to her and have a conversation.  She is not his type, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  Whoever matched them, what were they thinking?  IMO.

[OnTime]

18 hours ago, redpencil said:

There are people out there who apply for every reality show they can just to get on tv. I don't know why this show would be an exception to that. I'm sure there have been genuine people on this show who were recruited, and genuine people who applied. And there have also been non-genuine people on both sides as well. The issue isn't how they came to be in the pool, the issue is how they are vetted and ultimately selected.

Exactly, what difference does it make how they got to be an applicant?  There is the "scientific process" and the "experts" that makes the matches. 

Zach probably looked like a great pick and had he been matched with a "24 year old blonde gym bunny" (I think that is what we have decided here) this would be a different season. 

[DrewPaul2010]

On 2/15/2020 at 6:35 PM, Somanydogs said:

I am really disturbed by this show and most of all, the comments.  I assume that most of us watching are female.  Why are we tearing up the women?  Michael tells Meka that if she doesn't fuck him on the honeymoon, he's done - and she's a controlling freak? It's not on camera so why would we believe her?  Rape culture.   Brandon has shown substance abuse and anger issues on screen.  Remove him now.  Zack  is abusing Mindy emotionally so that he and his hair get screen time.

Are any of the men being abused?  In any way?  Any form?

I hope there is an eventual lawsuit.  These women are being abused.

 

Not sure how anyone is being abused these are adults who agreed to letting someone us pick their mate and have the whole 'process' taped. Some men are jerks (okay maybe most) but some woman are as well. Getting hurt in relationships is common very strong emotions are involved. Brandon and Zach are getting hammered in this forum. Michael a bit less so because maybe the jury is out on him. I'm inclined to think he lied about the sex because how adamant Meka is about it. But I still wouldn't call that abuse...if guys asking or hoping to get laid is abuse...we're all abusive. 

Mindy isn't being abused...he told he she doesn't have eye appeal to him. Brutally truthful but not abusive. She's an adult she can say enough anytime she wants to. I know this isn't the result she hoped for...but it was a distinct possibility. She probably was more worried they'd find a partner she found unappealing.

 

[Elizzikra]

Quote

Zach probably looked like a great pick and had he been matched with a "24 year old blonde gym bunny" (I think that is what we have decided here) this would be a different season. 

I think that's his type and if so, I wish he'd just say so.

Quote

Let’s put it this way.  If Mindy was sitting in a bar having a drink, Zack would not go over to her and have a conversation.  She is not his type, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  Whoever matched them, what were they thinking?  IMO.

Isn't that the whole point of the show though - that what attracts you to approach someone at a bar (or wherever) isn't necessarily what makes a solid foundation for a marriage? The experts are supposed to cut through the lure of initial attraction and match on these more foundational characteristics with the belief that attraction grows as a couple "grows in love." I'm not sure if I buy that or not - I have known couples who have very strong relationships despite low initial physical attraction (though I don't know anyone who every found their partner downright unattractive at first and then went on to have a long-lasting relationship). 

[Higgins]

25 minutes ago, Elizzikra said:

I think that's his type and if so, I wish he'd just say so.

Isn't that the whole point of the show though - that what attracts you to approach someone at a bar (or wherever) isn't necessarily what makes a solid foundation for a marriage? The experts are supposed to cut through the lure of initial attraction and match on these more foundational characteristics with the belief that attraction grows as a couple "grows in love." I'm not sure if I buy that or not - I have known couples who have very strong relationships despite low initial physical attraction (though I don't know anyone who every found their partner downright unattractive at first and then went on to have a long-lasting relationship). 

I did. 31 years of growing love.

Edited February 17, 2020 by Higgins

[suzeecat]

22 hours ago, configdotsys said:

This is how we wind up with matches like Mindy and Zach. We get to watch (stupid) Mindy twist in the wind and drive herself crazy trying to figure out how to keep this dude that's way out of her league, as if she can do that. She can't because if he was recruited, the game is rigged against her from the jump and his reason for being there has nothing to do with dating or love at all. 

 

I disagree that Zach is out of her league.  IMO Mindy is on par with Zach on the physical attractiveness scale.  She's just not what Zach finds attractive.  I think Mindy's beauty is more classic and she is graceful, professional and poised.  I could easily see her on the arm of some rich and powerful CEO.

[OnTime]

32 minutes ago, suzeecat said:

I disagree that Zach is out of her league.  IMO Mindy is on par with Zach on the physical attractiveness scale.  She's just not what Zach finds attractive.  I think Mindy's beauty is more classic and she is graceful, professional and poised.  I could easily see her on the arm of some rich and powerful CEO.

I could see Mindy with an older guy, not really a rich and powerful CEO.

Just an older, established, average guy without an Instagram page.

[MajorNelson]

Mindy could be a fine wife to the right guy,  Zach is just about a zero.

[retired watcher]

How long was Katie dating her ex? I thought it was a short while but she said months.

[cinsays]

20 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

Mindy was blinded by Zach's model looks and is crushed that he (let's say it all together)...has no attraction to her..

What if Neil or Dave or Basement Ryan was her groom?

Would it sting less since they are just regular looking dudes?

 

Yup.

But I think they would have found a way to be nicer to her than this dufus and not crush her spirit.

[sometimesjennifer]

On 2/16/2020 at 1:46 PM, talktoomuch said:

Two things. First, you believe that Meka's exasperation is a sign that she is telling the truth. I don't think anyone has said Meka is lying. It is clear that she believes 100% that she is telling the truth. However, there are indications that what she believes may be her perception of the truth rather than a fact.

Second, Michael has said multiple times that he did not say what Meka says he said. I consider myself a "normal" person, and I'm pretty sure if someone asked me to repeat verbatim something I said 7 days ago, 7 hours ago, or even at times 7 minutes ago, I wouldn't be able to. And I'd probably get sick of being asked to do so.

A clipped "No" and crying in frustration mirror the concern many have expressed here that if Meka will not let this specific issue go, this marriage will fail. Michael stated he doesn't want to fail, but the only option he has is to agree that he said something he continues to deny he said. How is his frustration not similarly evidence that he is being truthful?

I agree that most people could not repeat verbatim what they said, but I think at the very least, faced with her extremely intense insistence that she believes he said that, most people would be able to reply with something along the lines of, "I understand how you might have misinterpreted what I said, but I definitely didn't say that. I said something like ________. I apologize if what I said offended you. That was not my intention." I fully believe he could have said something like, "Most men expect to have sex by the end of their honeymoon and I don't find that to be unreasonable. It would be hard to become invested in a relationship without having sex, don't you agree?" and she lost her shit and interpreted that as an ultimatum. Rather than taking the opportunity to engage in a constructive dialog with her about it, he shut down. Unless he uses his words and tells her some approximation of what he did say, she will forever believe she heard what she heard. Him just mumbling "I said something about expectations" and crying clearly isn't getting the job done. 😭

[Ohwell]

Run, Michael, run! 😵