S03.E11: Secret, Secret, I've Got a Secret

[KateHearts]

Darcy needs some Mane and Tail for that climbing rope she is sporting. It looks like straw.

I don't quite get the Tom hating- he seems like an ordinary bloke who is dry -humored and enjoying this while he gets his five minutes of fame. Being around Darcy, one doesn't have to do much to be entertained. That he slept with her was a little surprising, but his cracks about the diamonds were great. I like the guy. He's not beautiful, but that's part of the hilarity since to Darcy, the physical self is EVERYTHING. She has injected her face into a frozen mask. She could barely kiss his "booboo" because her lips are immobilized.

Ben's shower scene was terrifying. I have an issue with back hair.  

Avery's mom is decidedly ignorant and another example of the pushy American woman who won't let some furrner push her around.  "What's a dowry?" duh.  She has all the wry, skeptical looks down to a science.  

Rebecca is looking a little more worse for the wear every time we see her- the grown-out red roots, the nearly goth black eye shadow, the 90s lipliner, and the look of bewilderment and fatigue on her face. She can't face his parents without waves of nausea; perhaps her body is trying to tell her something. 

Angela's sexual attack on Michael was another scary scene.  Dear god, woman- tone it down. "take off your pants! take off your pants!" 

[Spike]

54 minutes ago, KateHearts said:

Angela's sexual attack on Michael was another scary scene.  Dear god, woman- tone it down. "take off your pants! take off your pants!" 

TLC treats it as comedy but imagine if it were a male hounding a female like that.  Including handcuffs.

[humbleopinion]

Angela not having sex with an actual peniz for a year....Michael will be rubbed raw.....

[blubld43]

3 minutes ago, humbleopinion said:

Angela not having sex with an actual peniz for a year....Michael will be rubbed raw.....

Oh dear God. Thanks a bunch for that visual😂

[Spike]

5 minutes ago, humbleopinion said:

Angela not having sex with an actual peniz for a year....Michael will be rubbed raw.....

Maybe she should just hump a tree.

[humbleopinion]

DO NOT give Ange any ideas with foliage abuse....she was a hot hot sweaty mess stewing for 24 hours in those polyester striped Beetlejuice pants when she began frothing at the mouth thinking about sexy time with the owner of those presidential underpants...

very unsettling.....

[sagittarius sue]

6 hours ago, Azanscrazyhair said:

So was it at the end of this preview where they showed Darcy literally stuffing herself into some outfit that was about 10 sizes too small... her boobs were barely contained. 

And Tom's ex, wow!  She is quite odd.....

She also looks like a person who would be called a slag.  The tale of Tom and the two slags!

[sagittarius sue]

12 hours ago, DiamondGirl said:

I think the cricket ball hit him on the ankle when she batted it back.  It’s really fast, but I’m almost sure you can see it if you’re looking for it.  They probably edited out any reaction to it so they could serve it up as a sex thing later.

Yes, that makes sense although I was enjoying the vision of Darcey either stomping on his foot or tripping him with her thigh-high boots!

[Mrs. Hanson]

13 hours ago, RealReality said:

I think in Darcy's mind it is the proposal.  Tom can look forward to being gassed with angel and waking up in a chapel somewhere.  

But, that's on him, he should have known better than to sleep with her.  

You know, Darcy would make a GREAT contestant on "The Bachelorette":  All the fantasy of men swooning to be with her, proposing a fantasy.

[magemaud]

5 hours ago, KateHearts said:

Avery's mom is decidedly ignorant and another example of the pushy American woman who won't let some furrner push her around.  "What's a dowry?" duh.  She has all the wry, skeptical looks down to a science. 

and she looks like her neck is broken and she can't hold her head up straight in every scene. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

On 9/3/2019 at 10:22 PM, Rt66vintage said:

And Darcy breathlessly, "no one has ever done that before!"

Right after she screeches “on the bias, on the bias.”

[Gobi]

4 hours ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Right after she screeches “on the bias, on the bias.”

 "I know how to do it, I used to work in a brothel!"

[Baltimore Betty]

11 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

polyester striped Beetlejuice pants

Where are my savvy computer people? I feel like we need a side by side photo of those pants worn by both Larissa and Big Ang. 

[cinsays]

15 hours ago, Spike said:

Maybe she should just hump a tree.

She's probably already done that...…..

11 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

You know, Darcy would make a GREAT contestant on "The Bachelorette":  All the fantasy of men swooning to be with her, proposing a fantasy.

Except that the guys would all refuse to accept a rose and bolt for the nearest limo home.

[RealReality]

On 9/4/2019 at 7:33 PM, Mrs. Hanson said:

You know, Darcy would make a GREAT contestant on "The Bachelorette":  All the fantasy of men swooning to be with her, proposing a fantasy.

She could spray each man with angel instead of handing them a rose.  It'll be like a cat marking it's territory.  Sexy!

[SabineElisabeth]

Things that made me laugh out loud (during the first part of the episode, available to watch early, which was particularly amusing,);

- Angela, exhaling a mouthful of cigarette smoke as she realizes there's real trouble at hand...Jumping out of the car with zero hesitation and proceeding to deliver a sound ass-whoopin' to the entire group of violent marauders.

- Angela, giving Michael the "gifts" she so thoughtfully selected for him, while guffawing and being as crude as humanly possible, while Michael quite good naturedly goes along with it, showing us he's fully come to terms with the price he must pay to live in the land of Trump...

- Angela... yeah, basically everything Angela has said or done this entire season.

- Darcey forcing herself to stroke Tom's ego the morning after, with steam coming out her ears from the mental gymnastics going on in her pea brain  as she desperately tries to convince herself she wants to marry Tom.  It's crystal clear, of course, that her instinctual response is to teeter in the other direction as fast as her poor, abused Christian Loubitains can take her...

- Rebecca's ass knocking over and breaking a family heirloom as soon as Zied's parents open the door.

And things that made me groan:

- Ceasar's dumb ass, actually surprised Maria took his money (twice!) for the trip and yet, cancelled on him again. I'm sorry  Ceasar, but you have now officially earned a spot with Danielle in the "Too Stupid to Live" category.

Edited September 9, 2019 by SabineElisabeth

[Cherrio]

Tim's shoulders are no longer odd to me as his hands and neck are tiny too.

[magemaud]

1 hour ago, Cherrio said:

Tim's shoulders are no longer odd to me as his hands and neck are tiny too

He is certainly a dainty man, isn't he. 

3 hours ago, SabineElisabeth said:

- Angela, exhaling a mouthful of cigarette smoke as she realizes there's real trouble at hand...Jumping out of the car with zero hesitation and proceeding to deliver a sound ass-whoopin' to the entire group of violent marauders.

It was like a scene out of "The Dukes of Hazzard." 

3 hours ago, SabineElisabeth said:

- Rebecca's ass knocking over snd breaking a family heirloom as soon as Zied's parents open the door.

She didn't seem to be particularly apologetic about that even though she claimed to be mortified in her TH. I forget, did she bring a "hostess gift" to his parents? I know she had presents for Zied, like a hand knitted scarf-"Yas...I looooove it, Babee..." and the negligee she bought with her daughter. (I wonder if he thought he was supposed to wear it?) 

Edited September 6, 2019 by magemaud

[Kareem]

5 hours ago, SabineElisabeth said:

- Rebecca's ass knocking over and breaking a family heirloom as soon as Zied's parents open the door.

That was unfortunate. She laughed and joked about it being good luck!  Nearly died seeing her drive over there in the big white outfit and little vest, like she was off to her gig with the local oom-pah band.  Holy crap, that was bad.

Edited September 6, 2019 by Kareem
typos; always typos

[blubld43]

31 minutes ago, Kareem said:

That was unfortunate. She laughed and joked about it being good luck!  Nearly died seeing her drive over there in the big white outfit and little vest, like she was off to her gig with the local oom-pah band.  Holy crap, that was bad.

I thought she looked like a Bavarian bartender, we're on the same page!

And why does she have to wear something traditional but Zied looks like a New York hipster?

Edited September 6, 2019 by blubld43

[Kareem]

18 minutes ago, blubld43 said:

I thought she looked like a Bavarian bartender, we're on the same page!

And why does she have to wear something traditional but Zied looks like a New York hipster?

lol  As Laura said, “It’s a man’s world”.  Zied wanted to show off his virtuous choice, the tattooed grandma.  Guess who’s coming to dinner!   

[humbleopinion]

 What are the occupations of

Rebecca

Big Ange

[Persnickety1]

34 minutes ago, humbleopinion said:

What are the occupations of

Rebecca

Big Ange

I believe Rebecca claims to be a private investigator who goes around putting trackers on suspected cheaters' vehicles...when she isn't decorating her place with items emblazoned with Zied's face, practicing faces to make to try to cover her mouth wrinkles, and buying the latest in high-tech filters to deceive the world.  

Angela I believe is a CNA at a hospice facility...when she isn't fame-whoring herself out on Jerry Springer or this shit show, or out-scamming the Nigerian scammer called Michael.  

Edited September 7, 2019 by Persnickety1

[mamadrama]

On 9/4/2019 at 7:03 PM, Spike said:

Maybe she should just hump a tree.

Or a keg...

[RealReality]

7 hours ago, blubld43 said:

I thought she looked like a Bavarian bartender, we're on the same page!

And why does she have to wear something traditional but Zied looks like a New York hipster?

LMAO!! He does!  

[HaaCHOO]

14 hours ago, Persnickety1 said:

Angela I believe is a CNA at a hospice facility...when she isn't fame-whoring herself out on Jerry Springer or this shit show, or out-scamming the Nigerian scammer called Michael.  

I'd raise a question about that "C."

[HaaCHOO]

On 9/4/2019 at 3:00 PM, KateHearts said:

Ben's shower scene was terrifying. I have an issue with back hair.  

So sad to read "terrifying."

    Signed, 

        Sympathetic Mother of Boys (now men)

[HaaCHOO]

22 hours ago, SabineElisabeth said:

- Rebecca's ass knocking over and breaking a family heirloom as soon as Zied's parents open the door.

Yeah!  Such a tiny/quick "sorry."  I hope she apologized over and over but TLC just didn't tell us.

[humbleopinion]

Good first impression...clumsy Rebecca mowing over the cloisonné knick knack with her rollie bag, bet she wished she had booked an AirBnB instead of bunking with the Fam...

She could have worn cuff jewelry if she wanted to hide her wrist tats.

What is Zeid's occupation?

[humbleopinion]

We are being manipulated more than usual with the nail tech...

Cesar is a local actor and while he may have been sending money to a Ukrainian phone gf, I think it is nowhere near 40K and he is just milking it with the fake tears and longing looks into Cancun bay....

Calling bullshit...

[Gobi]

18 minutes ago, humbleopinion said:

What is Zeid's occupation?

Hookah inspector.

[humbleopinion]

By the looks of Zeid's fat gut, think he is inhaling cheeseburgers and fries through the hose....

[mamadrama]

4 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

We are being manipulated more than usual with the nail tech...

Cesar is a local actor and while he may have been sending money to a Ukrainian phone gf, I think it is nowhere near 40K and he is just milking it with the fake tears and longing looks into Cancun bay....

Calling bullshit...

Me too. While I believe the essence of his story is true and happened at some point in his past, I don't believe a damn thing we are seeing. I'd even go so far as to say that the "real" Maria, or the woman he thought he was talking to, wouldn't consent to sharing her image on screen so the video clips and pictures are all of a random Sharp Ent hireee. I think we're being lead on from every angle. (Though I do believe that his friends' reactions are legit.) Dude appears to be a dummy, but I think he's smart enough to realize that the crazier his story is, the more airtime he gets. This may not be helpful for his "acting cuh-reer", but it sure as hell could lead to more TLC stuff and potentially make him a Zlister. For some people, that IS making it.

For starters, I call bullshit on the fact that a nail tech who subsists on a diet of Ramen at times (clearly, from his Buddha belly, not always) and hasn't had the dough to visit the Ukraine (aside from airfare, a destination cheaper than Myrtle Beach) would even have $40,000 to send her in the first place. Even in smaller increments that's around $9,000 a year.

[RealReality]

16 minutes ago, mamadrama said:

Me too. While I believe the essence of his story is true and happened at some point in his past, I don't believe a damn thing we are seeing. I'd even go so far as to say that the "real" Maria, or the woman he thought he was talking to, wouldn't consent to sharing her image on screen so the video clips and pictures are all of a random Sharp Ent hireee. I think we're being lead on from every angle. (Though I do believe that his friends' reactions are legit.) Dude appears to be a dummy, but I think he's smart enough to realize that the crazier his story is, the more airtime he gets. This may not be helpful for his "acting cuh-reer", but it sure as hell could lead to more TLC stuff and potentially make him a Zlister. For some people, that IS making it.

For starters, I call bullshit on the fact that a nail tech who subsists on a diet of Ramen at times (clearly, from his Buddha belly, not always) and hasn't had the dough to visit the Ukraine (aside from airfare, a destination cheaper than Myrtle Beach) would even have $40,000 to send her in the first place. Even in smaller increments that's around $9,000 a year.

I understand the skepticism, but I'd only say that a diet of ramen would be awful for health and weight maintenance especially at ceasars age.  Ramen packets have like 10 million grams of sodium.

This is fine when you're young and in college and your body can hang, but that much sodium and carbs at his age IMO, could cause the belly.  

I also think that women/men in Florida get more intricate nail work done that may cost them more money.*

A basic pedi at a decent place up here is about $25.  I had a substandard Mani/pedi for $40.  I imagine for something more intricate like what I've seen out of Florida, it has to cost a lot more.  So it's possible he had the money.  He apparently made enough to afford a "total gym" before maria so he may make a decent base income.  He doesn't share the apartment so he had enough, on his own to pay first and last and a security deposit. 

He doesn't have a car, he doesn't seem to go out very often (and you know when he does his friends are paying), his place doesn't look expensive and he eats top ramen.  

His story may not be probable, but it seems possible.

* - this is mostly based on watching Claws

Edited September 8, 2019 by RealReality

[RoadFullOfPromise]

6 minutes ago, RealReality said:

I also think that women/men in Florida get more intricate nail work done that may cost them more money.*

He’s in Jacksonville, North Carolina, though, so all bets may be off. 🙂

[mamadrama]

1 hour ago, RealReality said:

I understand the skepticism, but I'd only say that a diet of ramen would be awful for health and weight maintenance especially at ceasars age.  Ramen packets have like 10 million grams of sodium.

This is fine when you're young and in college and your body can hang, but that much sodium and carbs at his age IMO, could cause the belly.  

I also think that women/men in Florida get more intricate nail work done that may cost them more money.*

A basic pedi at a decent place up here is about $25.  I had a substandard Mani/pedi for $40.  I imagine for something more intricate like what I've seen out of Florida, it has to cost a lot more.  So it's possible he had the money.  He apparently made enough to afford a "total gym" before maria so he may make a decent base income.  He doesn't share the apartment so he had enough, on his own to pay first and last and a security deposit. 

He doesn't have a car, he doesn't seem to go out very often (and you know when he does his friends are paying), his place doesn't look expensive and he eats top ramen.  

His story may not be probable, but it seems possible.

* - this is mostly based on watching Claws

I didn't mean the ramen diet literally. Homeboy has clearly been eating more than ramen noodles...

There is precedent for this. Remember Ricky? His whole damn storyline was fake and fabricated. Unfortunately, Ximena wasn't in on it. 

[RealReality]

1 hour ago, RoadFullOfPromise said:

He’s in Jacksonville, North Carolina, though, so all bets may be off. 🙂

Wow!  Im super.embarassed....why did I think he.lived in Florida????

[Gobi]

9 minutes ago, RealReality said:

Wow!  Im super.embarassed....why did I think he.lived in Florida????

Jacksonville in FLA is better known.

[RealReality]

Just now, Gobi said:

Jacksonville in FLA is better known.

Thanks for the save friend!  

It was probably something more embarrassing than that....but I like your excuse better!!

[Honey]

On 9/2/2019 at 11:49 PM, magemaud said:

Akinyi: “You’re so white...and your body hair...everywhere.” 

Aw man...I was eating!

Ben!! You're going to meet the "love of your life", and you couldn't do something about this situation?  If you scroll down just right, so that his head is hidden, it looks like a man's chest.....with no nipples.

[humbleopinion]

A towel is covering his moobs...and his face.....

Akinky's (faux spelling intended) father has to give his blessing to that deathly pale glob blob? Poor man will lose his lunch, too....

[nutella fitzgerald]

2 hours ago, RealReality said:

Wow!  Im super.embarassed....why did I think he.lived in Florida????

Because it’s too embarrassing for the state of North Carolina to showcase both Caesar and Tim, especially so soon after we saw Jonathan import his child bride into the Tar Heel State?

[mamadrama]

Holy canoli, that's a lot of back hair and white skin...

[Meowwww]

I mean....my hubby has a little bit of hair on his back. Very small amount.  But that.....is excessive.  

30 bucks, dude. 

Edited September 8, 2019 by Meowwww

[Cammi]

I’m confused, I thought Caesar sent Maria cash for a ticket? To prove he trusts her. So how did his card get declined? Did I miss something? Gosh I hate his storyline, so I half watch tbh 

[shouldbedancing]

7 minutes ago, Cammi said:

I’m confused, I thought Caesar sent Maria cash for a ticket? To prove he trusts her. So how did his card get declined? Did I miss something? Gosh I hate his storyline, so I half watch tbh 

Wondering this myself. I think he sent her money but then he bought it himself. I don't know how his card could get declined and he didn't know immediately. He had some sort of confirmation code or ticket number so... why would they take the money later? Unless he went through some shady site I've never heard of. There are sites that will let you buy a plane ticket on credit. It's confusing and I probably shouldn't spend so much time trying to figure out a fake storyline.

[greekmom]

On 9/3/2019 at 4:45 PM, HunterHunted said:

I have no interest in watching any of these people having sex, but I would actually want to see these two having sex just to see the mismatch in volume and energy. Tom would be making all of those Hugh Grant vaguely uncomfortable British noises "Well, um...yes, um, um...that was rather enjoyable." Meanwhile, Darcey is putting on a porn star performance for the cheap seats, 100 decibel moans and screams, thrashing about, whipping her hair around, and duck face the entire time, only to conclude with a "you're the best I've ever had."

Darcy would have toned the wishing for bling but because Stacey is engaged she wants to step up her game. Those sisters are super competitive with eachother and just mean. 

[HunterHunted]

9 minutes ago, Cammi said:

I’m confused, I thought Caesar sent Maria cash for a ticket? To prove he trusts her. So how did his card get declined? Did I miss something? Gosh I hate his storyline, so I half watch tbh 

1 minute ago, shouldbedancing said:

Wondering this myself. I think he sent her money but then he bought it himself. I don't know how his card could get declined and he didn't know immediately. He had some sort of confirmation code or ticket number so... why would they take the money later? Unless he went through some shady site I've never heard of. There are sites that will let you buy a plane ticket on credit. It's confusing and I probably shouldn't spend so much time trying to figure out a fake storyline.

He did send her cash for the tickets, but she kept making excuses for why she couldn't go. Caesar's friend suggested that Caesar just buy the ticket himself to prevent her from backing out again.

[Frozendiva]

The bank would call you if you forgot to make a payment on your credit card or if someone tried to use the number fraudulently. They would call if you don't usually make a charge for the Ukraine. Chances are that most people making an unusual transaction or going to a foreign country would let their bank/credit card provider know so they would expect some transactions.

[seasons]

On 9/6/2019 at 9:33 PM, Persnickety1 said:

I believe Rebecca claims to be a private investigator who goes around putting trackers on suspected cheaters' vehicles...when she isn't decorating her place with items emblazoned with Zied's face, practicing faces to make to try to cover her mouth wrinkles, and buying the latest in high-tech filters to deceive the world.  

Angela I believe is a CNA at a hospice facility...when she isn't fame-whoring herself out on Jerry Springer or this shit show, or out-scamming the Nigerian scammer called Michael.  

Oh gosh, I hope that she doesn't work in a hospice environment...