S09.E10: Are You Committed?

[nrskim]

A summary of this season: 

Amber: the self-described "tomboy", she can go to a lovely, celebratory dinner without washing her hair. I suspect she rarely washes it, it always looks dirty and not brushed. Instead of a tomboy, she should be labeled "doormat". Her "husband" disappears for days at a time and she cries then says "ok, just be home by 2:30am." She threw way bigger of a fit when he wanted to use the spare bathroom as his than she does with him being gone. No self-esteem, pathetic, clingy. Girl, you've known him for a few weeks, run! Imagine IF (big if) you stay married how bad he will treat you.  Grade: F

Matt: Amber's husband. He mumbles when he talks and doesn't give straight answers. Pastor Cal asked him if he has a girlfriend, he responded "I can't believe this is even coming up". Notice he did not confirm or deny. He has zero interest in Amber, he's just in it for the money, and as Amber is so easy and pathetic, he gets sex thrown in as a bonus. He, like Luke, did the show for money and exposure. Grade: F

Deonna: She started as very off-putting and hard. She hasn't been in a relationship in a decade. At first, she did whatever she could to push Greg away. It does appear she is trying to better herself and be good for Greg. My opinion of her has changed from "YUCK!" to "hmm, she seems to have done some introspection and self-check. I'll keep my mind open" Grade: C+

Greg: Married to Deonna. He seems like a genuine good guy. He's levelheaded and seems to listen to everyone. Other than that, I don't have much of an opinion, but my opinion is very favorable. Grade: A-

Iris: Did you know she is virgin? Her virginity is very important to her and she is a virgin and her husband might take her virginity, and she has this precious gift of her virginity. She acts like a pre-teen, she's highly immature, and literally every conversation goes back to her being a virgin. "Keith, I made pot roast for supper. I'm a virgin so I make pot roast"  "OK Iris, can I have some more pie?" " Keith, PIE? Why are you insulting my virginity like that?? I'm a virgin, this isn't the time to talk about pie, I'm a virgin, did you know that?" If she is so obsessed with her bloody virginity, why would she go on a show like this? Go away. I am now at the point I fast forward her scenes. All it will be is her talking about how she is a virgin Grade: F

Keith: He is so over hearing about his wife's virginity. He's not interested in it, he doesn't want to be her first. He's counting the days. Grade: C-

Liz: This chick is completely, certifiably insane. There is something like incest between her and her dad, it's just plain creepy. One minute she can be hugging and sweet to Jamie, the next, she is screeching at the top of her lungs and having a temper tantrum. How she slipped in this group, and past mental health evaluations, is beyond me. I would suspect MOST people would read her evaluation and call the men in the white coats to take her away. Even her dogs think she's nuts, they hang all over Jaime. Grade: F (and that's grading up on a curve) 

Jamie: A bit of a narcissistic personality. He humored Liz for a bit. He seemed to want to try. Now he is sick of the insanity and wants to go home. He is sending SOS every episode. Grade: D-

The "experts": lame. I strongly suspect that they meet the couples when we do. Pastor Cal was pretty firm with Matt last night, other than that, they are barely involved. 

[gonecrackers]

1 hour ago, Ohwell said:

Keith.  Before you leave Iris's virgin ass just make sure you leave a big ol' jug of lemonade in the fridge for her. 

We actually don't know if her ass is also a virgin.

[seacliffsal]

I still don't get Iris' reasoning about her virginity.  She stated she wanted to keep it as a "precious gift" for her husband.  Well, she now has a husband.  But, then she states that she doesn't know him or know if she wants to give him her "precious gift."  That's on her if she chose to go on this t.v. show to get married.  So, what is it-you're saving it for your husband or your saving it for someone who "deserves" it.  It's an expectation of marriage that there is intimacy (sexual, emotional, etc.).  I think she just wants to become famous and thought her "specialness" would catch on with fans and perhaps instagram or some other outlet.  However, I don't think others see her "specialness" the same way that she sees it.

[ChiMama]

16 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

I don’t want to hear the word virgin ever again. My sweet Jesus, enough is enough! My hubs and I had a good laugh listening to robot Viviana telling Iris to experiment with body glitter.

My favorite part was when Iris said something to Dr. V like "I'm a virgin and there's nothing I can do about it." There damn well sure IS, clueless one . . .  Keith didn't want to say to Cal that he's already decided it's a NO and he's too much of a good guy to 'take' her virginity and then dump her . . .

[gonecrackers]

20 minutes ago, seacliffsal said:

I still don't get Iris' reasoning about her virginity.  She stated she wanted to keep it as a "precious gift" for her husband.  Well, she now has a husband.  But, then she states that she doesn't know him or know if she wants to give him her "precious gift."

Exactly why she should've found a church boy who she could do whatever with until marriage. He would at least have understood where she's coming from in "giving" this "gift".

And I actually think she's right in that she "can't do anything about it" - it's not going to change, & Keith is about as interested as Iris in doing something about it.

Edited August 15, 2019 by gonecrackers

[Auntie]

I just now found the humor in the title of this episode - "Are you committed?"  It's more like "Are you committable?"  Elizabeth and Jamie need to be checked into a psych ward. Amber needs to be confined to 24/7/365 therapy, Matt needs to be charged and found guilty of impersonating a human being.Deonna needs to be shipped to a tropical island to thaw out.  Iris, well she obviously belongs in a convent since she's the modern-day Mary (because she's a virgin, you know....)

Greg and Keith need evaluations to determine why the hell they would go on a show like this.

[configdotsys]

8 hours ago, Retired at last said:

I thought it was interesting when Amber said that while he is nice on camera (WHAT???), he isn't like that at all when the cameras aren't there. And that he hadn't been home since the last time they were filmed. It seemed like she might be ready to accept that he was not the person she thought/hoped, then she goes and says, "But, I really like him."  WHY????? But, for me, it was interesting because it showed how fake this show is and that they really don't have to pretend to be married. Jamie was also gone for 2 days until he wandered back, "What's up?" I really detest both of those men.

I'm not sure if you have seen all episodes and apologize if you did and I'm repeating this but during one of the early episodes, they were at dinner and Matt mentioned that if the detailing business he was getting into with a friend did not pan out, he would likely play basketball overseas again. Amber got upset and said that she makes $80k and could tide them over until he settled into a job of some sort. Later in the episode, Amber was on selfie cam looking more disheveled than normal, very upset saying that Matt was very angry and her and accused her of making him look bad or lazy or something because she mentioned supporting him. You could tell by her look that he was very upset with her. But when the cameras came back on, Matt acted like nothing happened. It was apparent that that episode told us a lot about Matt's behavior on camera vs off. Now with Amber saying she hardly sees him and that he's a different person, it's really nothing new to her. Why she likes him? Because she is a desperate fool.

8 hours ago, MajorNelson said:

I can't believe Pastor Cal and keith didn't get to the very specifics of the problem, which has been commented on here several times, and I agree with:

Keith does not want to pop Iris' hymen and then have the marriage fail. So #1 he knows there is NO sex in these 8 weeks.  And I'm not even sure he would agree to stay on and work on this.  She may just be too attached to this virginity idea to ever get over losing it. 

If they had met organically, maybe.  But as to this "marriage", even 3 months from now, she can always feel manipulated by a show and never feel right about finally giving it up this way.

I am sticking with my theory that this was the perfect set up. They recruited Keith to be on the show with the promise of exposure for his music career and ensured that he would not have to get entangled in a sexual relationship by pairing him with the likes of Iris. 

7 hours ago, nutella fitzgerald said:

Are there previews when the show airs? I thought it just abruptly ended after Keith licked highlighter off of Iris.

They bury the preview for the next week's episode in that Marrying Millions show. 

6 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

Yup... Deonna doesn't want to plan, she wants to let it happen. She also obviously finds Greg very attractive when he's not chasing or being so preoccupied with her. When he's relaxed & just being him, she found him so attractive she wanted to have sex with him. When he starts planning & pushing, even gentle nudging, she tries but it puts her off. He needs to just relax & be himself, because she really likes him - go out & have fun together, share more experiences, be around other people, etc, & he'll get more intimacy from her in every way.

And they could already be having/doing all of it (hopefully!) but the show is not letting us in on it.

How does that work? In order for something to happen, someone has to initiate contact via words, a touch or a gesture. When they had sex after Greg's birthday party, someone had to have said, "Let's do this" or approached the other in a sexual way and it took off. By all appearances it was Deonna that made the first move so it doesn't "just happen." I remember when they were talking about this issue that he said, "So do I need to invite my friends over more, or what?" What is he to do? How is he to know what circumstances flip Deonna's switch? I think Deonna's "let it happen" is code for "when I say so." I do not believe for one second that Greg has not made moves and was rejected so now he has to wait for her to feel that way again and initiate before anything happens? I just don't get it. 

5 hours ago, Gem 10 said:

This is supposed to be a happy time for them and it isn’t.  Greg is so nice and understanding .. most men wouldn’t at this point.  Never mind about Deonna and HER problem.  What about him?  He has needs and affection, and deserves to be happy.  That’s why he came on this show, for a wife.  Her saying “do you need anything” before going to work is nothing.  He needs affection, understanding and respect as a man.  He is a beggar.  She doesn’t need more time.  At 30 yrs old and having had sex before, why is she procrastinating?  Get to it or leave the guy alone.  Either this show is scripted or the experts fucked up royally by putting her on the show with problems, whatever the hell they are.

The one thing I will say about Greg is that he needs to tell Deonna what he told his friend and Pastor Cal: "I need more from you..." Stop pussyfooting around and have a straight conversation about what you need in order for the relationship to work. Deonna has no problem telling Greg exactly what she wants and needs and he should feel free to do the same. If he just kind of hangs back and says nothing, she takes that to mean that her way is the way we go. 

[gonecrackers]

43 minutes ago, configdotsys said:

How does that work? In order for something to happen, someone has to initiate contact via words, a touch or a gesture. When they had sex after Greg's birthday party, someone had to have said, "Let's do this" or approached the other in a sexual way and it took off. By all appearances it was Deonna that made the first move so it doesn't "just happen." I remember when they were talking about this issue that he said, "So do I need to invite my friends over more, or what?" What is he to do? How is he to know what circumstances flip Deonna's switch? I think Deonna's "let it happen" is code for "when I say so." I do not believe for one second that Greg has not made moves and was rejected so now he has to wait for her to feel that way again and initiate before anything happens? I just don't get it. 

Not quite what I meant by let it happen... rather than planning the date/time, they just do life together & it happens naturally - when someone's feeling it, they initiate. As far as flipping her switch, I think those natural circumstances where they just do life together make it happen for her more than planned set ups. There's really nothing wrong with that, & if Greg relaxed it would actually take a lot of pressure off him. 

50 minutes ago, configdotsys said:

I am sticking with my theory that this was the perfect set up. They recruited Keith to be on the show with the promise of exposure for his music career and ensured that he would not have to get entangled in a sexual relationship by pairing him with the likes of Iris. 

Makes sense.

[ECM1231]

3 hours ago, Auntie said:

I just now found the humor in the title of this episode - "Are you committed?"  It's more like "Are you committable?"  Elizabeth and Jamie need to be checked into a psych ward. Amber needs to be confined to 24/7/365 therapy, Matt needs to be charged and found guilty of impersonating a human being.Deonna needs to be shipped to a tropical island to thaw out.  Iris, well she obviously belongs in a convent since she's the modern-day Mary (because she's a virgin, you know....)

Greg and Keith need evaluations to determine why the hell they would go on a show like this.

I'm laughing so hard my belly is actually aching. Kudos.

I love this site...so many funny people! 

[Gem 10]

6 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

Iris had the same pre orgasmic face drinking her lemonade at breakfast and as Keith lapped and slurped up her inner thigh...

 Iris was stressed because Keith did not wash his face in the face sink before he started....

The edible markers were not sealed with tamper proof plastic....was that organic dye or Red Dye #2?

Homestead Lemonade makes you tingle in your special place.

Keith should freeze some of the Homestead Lemonade into ice cubes and have Iris 9 1/2 weeks him blindfolded.....

That licking up her leg was gross on t.v.  I actually looked away.  What the hell. What’s with this show lately?  Bet it was Peppers idea.

Edited August 16, 2019 by Gem 10

[After7Only]

14 hours ago, topanga said:

When Deonna and Greg both talked to the experts about her not being able to express herself well verbally, and how she didn't know how to tell Greg how she felt about him, my mind jumped to the Five Love Languages. Didn't all of the couples learn about these? Or was that another season? 

Essentially, it boils down to know what acts personally make you feel most loved by another person, and knowing what your partner needs to feel loved. For me, it's words of affirmation--I need to my partner say--or write--supportive, kind things to me. For others, their most important need is for physical affection. For some, it's receiving gifts, or spending quality time with their partner, or acts of service. 

What is Greg's love language, Deonna? Whatever it is, do that. 

It appears that Greg’s love language is words of affirmation, the area she struggles with the most.   

I agree that Deonna and Greg are getting the Bobby/Danielle storyline edit.   They were a good match with little drama, so their storyline focused a lot on dogs and on Danielle’s being unable to express her feelings.   Deonna and Greg appear to have little other drama and conflict, so we get dog scenes and Deonna’s emotional walls.

I remember Greg saying that he was controlling in his previous relationships.   I’d be interested if he will show that side to Deonna at some point(and the show would show that side to the viewers)

[Soup333]

4 hours ago, Auntie said:

I just now found the humor in the title of this episode - "Are you committed?"  It's more like "Are you committable?"  Elizabeth and Jamie need to be checked into a psych ward. Amber needs to be confined to 24/7/365 therapy, Matt needs to be charged and found guilty of impersonating a human being.Deonna needs to be shipped to a tropical island to thaw out.  Iris, well she obviously belongs in a convent since she's the modern-day Mary (because she's a virgin, you know....)

Greg and Keith need evaluations to determine why the hell they would go on a show like this.

For the sake of the other patients I would hope they be roomed in separate facilities. 

[gingerandcloves]

Can I recap the preview in this thread? I purchase the episodes on YouTube and they always show the preview at the end of it.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

52 minutes ago, gingerandcloves said:

Can I recap the preview in this thread? I purchase the episodes on YouTube and they always show the preview at the end of it.

😌  Sounds like a *great* idea to me. ...And if you turned on the captions for the deaf, you could even "quote" the important things they say. That would be awesome!

😊

I really don't like that they've buried the previews in that loser "Married to a Millionaire" show... I really like to catch the previews, but not enough to watch that boring show.  😴

Edited August 16, 2019 by Crazy Bird Lady
spelling

[zoltana]

11 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

Agreed. Those stupid extensions are ridiculous, but all I could think was it's too bad Liz doesn't have Jamie's Lady Godiva extensions to cover her overexposed bosoms.........

She was trying to flash Keith so hard it was nauseating.  She kept touching and readjusting and shifting in her chair.  It was embarrassing.  I loved how in the first interview they caught her sitting like a linebacker with that cut to her crotch pink monstrosity.  Sexaaay 🤢

Edited August 16, 2019 by zoltana

[gingerandcloves]

OK, voice over from Pastor Cal saying that the couples will go over their pasts to help them see their future. Clips of all four couples driving in their cars. Looks like they are visiting childhood homes. Quick clip of Iris looking at pictures of a young Keith on the walls of a house and saying, "Aww, Keeeith..."  First up is Matt and Amber. Matt is pointing out to Amber where his childhood home was, says his bedroom was back and to the right (they're standing along the edge of a yard, with a house set back and a treehouse in the tree). Amber is all giddy, and voices over  "Seeing Matt's childhood home...I'm hoping this does grow our emotional intimacy." Matt is grinning and looking happy.

Next up is Deonna and Greg. They are picnicking on a blanket on a grassy area with vines and rocks behind. They're eating strawberries and drinking wine. Greg asks, "How do you want future Deonna to be?" Deonna says, "To continue to grow." Greg asks "How?" Deonna says, "With you." Greg doesn't say anything, and it's kind of hard to read his expression but he looks pleased, I guess? Deonna makes a silly face and wiggles her eyebrows.

Next up is Keith and Iris. They are at a dance studio, taking a lesson from an instructor. Iris is doing some gyrating, hip circling move while Keith is standing behind her, holding her around the waist. The instructor is encouraging Iris and saying "Yeah, Iris, that's it right there. Harder!". Keith looks happy and voices over, "I definitely feel like this type of dancing is exactly what the doctor ordered." The instructor tells Keith, "You have to move too." - To Iris, she says, "He's mesmerized!" Keith says, "I was watching!" Instructor says, "You got some moves." Keith voices over, "I mean, I can't complain." Keith says, "I became a spectator for this." Instructor says, "I see that."

Next it shows three of the couples at Charlotte Speedway (Jamie/Elizabeth, Greg/Deonna, Matt/Amber). The man in charge is talking, and says "We are so glad you're here" and Elizabeth is talking loudly over him, saying, "I grew up around this..." and Jamie cuts her off with "Shut up and listen". Voice over from Matt, "I don't speak to anybody that way. I find it a bit disrespectful."

Cut to Amber talking to Dr. Vivianna, "We're not having sex right now." Dr. V says, "Is there a concern that y'all could lose chemistry?" Amber looks down and doesn't speak. Matt has mouth hanging open, as usual, and gives a heavy sigh.

Cut to Iris lying on bed (in street clothes!), talking to Keith, "I literally don't think anybody knows this but my mom and the doctors..." They are holding hands and Keith is looking at her concernedly. Keith then voices over, "Hearing Iris's secret, I'm just a little confused."

Cut to Deonna and Greg on couch in living room, Deonna says, "OK, what I was gonna say-" Greg cuts in, "Can you give me an example here?" Deonna says, "No" in a very decisive voice. Greg says "Basically -" and Deonna says, "You gonna continue to mansplain as I'm trying to -" Greg says, "You seem like you -" Deonna says, "You're good. I'm done." Greg looks away, frustrated.

Cut to Elizabeth on couch in apartment, talking to Jamie, she's upset. "You told me to shut up in front of everyone...yeah, you ruined everyone's (bleeping) day."  Jamie: "I thought it was OK." Elizabeth: "Then why didn't anyone take up for me? Damn it! Jamie!" She gets up and shoves the coffee table over. "Why didn't anyone take up for me then?" She's yelling at Jamie. Poor dogs are looking confused over on the couch. She's standing in the bedroom doorway screaming, "You embarrassed me in front of everyone. You made me look stupid in front of everyone. I'm so sick of this. Go away, then, go away!"

Cut to Jamie on couch in talking head, "I'm not going to be part of a marriage where it's okay to act like that."

Cut to Elizabeth in bedroom with blanket around her shoulders. Dr. Vivianna is standing in the doorway. E: "Bitch, I knows what I did yesterday. I was there." Dr. V: "You didn't just call me bitch, did you?" E blinks and says nothing.

That's it, I think I got most of in there. Now I'm really curious to know what Iris's "secret" is.

[Jade Foxx]

53 minutes ago, gingerandcloves said:

 I think I got most of in there. Now I'm really curious to know what Iris's "secret" is.

She’s- 

(1) asexual 

(2) has deformed genitalia 

(3) has had butt sex 

(4) is on psych meds which zap her libido

(5) has a history of sexual molestation/abuse

(6) wants to be a spokesperson on “purity lifestyle”

...is going to cry and whine no matter what the issue is

TAKING BETS....

[Soup333]

18 minutes ago, Jade Foxx said:

She’s- 

(1) asexual 

(2) has deformed genitalia 

(3) has had butt sex 

(4) is on psych meds which zap her libido

(5) has a history of sexual molestation/abuse

(6) wants to be a spokesperson on “purity lifestyle”

...is going to cry and whine no matter what the issue is

TAKING BETS....

I’ll take cry and whine for $800, Alex. 

[Booger666]

4 hours ago, Jade Foxx said:

2) has deformed genitalia 

Interesting.  There was a contestant on Survivor who had this so maybe it’s the same thing?  Can’t remember the medical name for what she had, but she was open about it.  She was on with her then BF and later married him.

[ECM1231]

Thanks so much, gingerandcloves, for the great preview recap! Much appreciated!

[Crazy Bird Lady]

Unfortunately, it's also possible that someone (maybe a step-father/"Uncle") molested Iris as a child

...However, if her mom knows about it, I just don't see her telling Iris:  "You just need to go ahead and rip off that Band-Aid". 

Edited August 16, 2019 by Crazy Bird Lady

[Yeah No]

Based on the above, I think Iris might be a hemaphrodite.  Either that or she has a very large clitoris, and with her prudish immature nature is ashamed of that and doesn't know how to handle that with a partner, which may be the main reason she's still a virgin.  She is probably using the virginity thing as a cover for her real issue, which is that she is afraid that a partner will reject her if he saw what she really looks like down there.  After all, she is too immature to accept it herself and may have emotional conflicts over her identity as a woman and role as a sexual partner based on very old fashioned sexual presumptions.  Meanwhile most of the male population out there wouldn't have an issue with it at all, including Keith.  This may be why she is so hung up on knowing he is "the one" and that she can trust him not to leave her before she gives herself to him in sexual intercourse.  If this is the case, only being honest and up front with him is going to help them get over this hurdle. 

I had a feeling there was more to the story with her and why her virginity was "something she can't change" and was using as a cock blocker - I was considering that maybe she was a victim of sexual abuse that she never told anyone about, but this would actually explain it too.  Speaking of that, she may actually BE a victim of sexual abuse and not have a clitoral issue.  It may have been something that she only told her mother about and doctors after the fact.  I know a woman that was raped by a stranger in a park when she was 17 and still a virgin and it messed her up for the rest of her life.  A police report was filed but the guy was never found.  It may be something like that.  I had another friend that was repeatedly forced to perform oral sex by a neighbor when she was a teenager and that made her very hung up on sex too.  She was a devout Roman Catholic and "slept with the bible".  She got married but as time went on she became more averse to sex because it reminded her too much of her abuse.  She couldn't separate consensual sex from being subjugated by a man.  She saw sex as something "dirty" and demeaning.  Needless to say, her husband divorced her.  Very sad.

Edited August 16, 2019 by Yeah No

[Stella Rose]

Wow, Gingerandcloves, thank you for this!  I really appreciate you taking the time to type this shit fest up.

Looks like another Liz and Jamie explosion.  These two.  Bless, they are just about the most toxic couple I have ever seen on here (I did miss one season I think).  Then Liz goes off on RobotViv?  Oi.  Go home to Daddy Liz, your 15 minutes are well and truly over.  Jamie is no prize, but together they are just incendiary.

Does anyone think that Iris' secret is going to be some stupid thing that has nothing to do with anything?  This show is notorious for the preview fake-outs.  Unless - what is it called when a baby is born with both genitalia and the parents/doctors have to 'choose' which one to go with??  

These 'experts' really knocked it out of the park yet again.  At this point, I think all 4 couples are doomed.

Edited August 16, 2019 by Stella Rose

[Yeah No]

On 8/14/2019 at 9:33 PM, Gem 10 said:

Carmen Miranda.  If you’re old enough to remember her and Tito Puento.

Sorry, GEM, I know this was probably a typo, but it's Tito Puente.  My dad used to listen to him all the time.  I get what you're saying about Carmen Miranda, but Iris' head wrap is African in style and (like everything else she wears) looks stunning on her.  I would love to see her in the head dress of the Egyptian queen Nefertiti as she would look positively amazing in that!

[Neurochick]

20 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

Yup... Deonna doesn't want to plan, she wants to let it happen. She also obviously finds Greg very attractive when he's not chasing or being so preoccupied with her. When he's relaxed & just being him, she found him so attractive she wanted to have sex with him. When he starts planning & pushing, even gentle nudging, she tries but it puts her off. He needs to just relax & be himself, because she really likes him - go out & have fun together, share more experiences, be around other people, etc, & he'll get more intimacy from her in every way.

Yes to this.  It's not that Deonna is cold to Greg, it's that Deonna just wants Greg to BE.  Stop planning, asking, "when are we going to have sex again?"  If someone asked me that, I'd say, "never."  It's like if a kid keeps saying, "are we there yet?"  Chill the fuck out, enjoy the ride, look out the window or something, stop obsessing, stay in the moment.  

[princelina]

3 hours ago, Booger666 said:

Interesting.  There was a contestant on Survivor who had this so maybe it’s the same thing?  Can’t remember the medical name for what she had, but she was open about it.  She was on with her then BF and later married him.

That girl wasn't deformed looking - she just had no uterus which meant no bio children.

1 hour ago, Stella Rose said:

Looks like another Liz and Jamie explosion.  These two.  Bless, they are just about the most toxic couple I have ever seen on here (I did miss one season I think).  Then Liz goes off on RobotViv?  Oi.  Go home to Daddy Liz, your 15 minutes are well and truly over.  Jamie is no prize, but together they are just incendiary.

I've been waiting all season for this 😁

27 minutes ago, Soup333 said:

I feel kinda bad for Iris now. I’m firmly on the side of people knowing what they’re signing up for when they agree to do a show like this, but would she ever have guessed that people would be discussing her gender identity and scoping out photos for proof of masculine features? 

Y’all, don’t get me wrong. We know there’s a secret and I think it’s natural to want to know and guess what it is. I’m not bashing any of us for the discussion. That’s why we’re here. But I’d imagine that the secret, whatever it is, is very painful for her to share. Makes me wonder if she thought that she could sign up for an Instahusband and let him “take” her virginity and all would be well. 

IMO she went to her audition playing the v-card loud and proud, which anyone who watches these types of shows knows will guarantee you a spot in the cast.  Then she has done nothing but discuss it.  So now it's being discussed - I would feel sorry for her if she was a regular person being gossiped about, but she put herself on the show, so no.

[Yeah No]

16 hours ago, nrskim said:

A summary of this season: 

Amber: the self-described "tomboy", she can go to a lovely, celebratory dinner without washing her hair. I suspect she rarely washes it, it always looks dirty and not brushed. Instead of a tomboy, she should be labeled "doormat". Her "husband" disappears for days at a time and she cries then says "ok, just be home by 2:30am." She threw way bigger of a fit when he wanted to use the spare bathroom as his than she does with him being gone. No self-esteem, pathetic, clingy. Girl, you've known him for a few weeks, run! Imagine IF (big if) you stay married how bad he will treat you.  Grade: F

Matt: Amber's husband. He mumbles when he talks and doesn't give straight answers. Pastor Cal asked him if he has a girlfriend, he responded "I can't believe this is even coming up". Notice he did not confirm or deny. He has zero interest in Amber, he's just in it for the money, and as Amber is so easy and pathetic, he gets sex thrown in as a bonus. He, like Luke, did the show for money and exposure. Grade: F 

Amber is an example of a person that should have waited to have sex with her partner.  She was so infatuated with Matt right off the bat that she assumed all these glorious things about him that are not true - in fact he's mostly just the opposite.  So she jumped in with both feet and hands way too fast.  And that gets me, because this season we have two women that should trust their husbands not trusting them and keeping them at an arm's length way longer than they should (Deonna and Iris), and two women just jumping into sex and fantasized emotional intimacy with two relative dirt bags before knowing what they were really made out of (Amber and Elizabeth).  Amber shows signs of having a gut instinct about Matt in her head, but because she jumped in too soon her heart is having a hard time accepting it.  She keeps flip-flopping.  When he's not around, she has all the wisdom and strength to see him for what he is but as soon as he walks in the door all reason goes out the window and she folds like a cheap suit (or comes off like a prom dress).  She is way too invested in the fantasy she is projecting onto him.  Deep down she knows it's not real, but she wants it so bad she can't let go of it and keeps hoping the reality will change to be what she wants it to be.  Despite being slapped in the face with the harsh reality over and over again, she is still unable to fully accept it and move on.  Like everyone else in this thread, I think she needs some intensive therapy STAT.  And yes, MY gut instinct tells me he's seeing someone on the side and lying about it.

Quote

What is wrong with him? He acts like he's either stupid and unaware, and naively inconsiderate.

Or he's a cheating, lying, two-faced scoundrel.

I think he's both.  He's also just dumb enough to think he can BS his way through without being called out for what he is.

[Neurochick]

13 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

Not quite what I meant by let it happen... rather than planning the date/time, they just do life together & it happens naturally - when someone's feeling it, they initiate. As far as flipping her switch, I think those natural circumstances where they just do life together make it happen for her more than planned set ups. There's really nothing wrong with that, & if Greg relaxed it would actually take a lot of pressure off him. 

I agree.  It's like when a person says, "get out of your own way."  I think some people believe that if they're not worrying about something and planning constantly, nothing will happen.  

Quote

 Amber is an example of a person that should have waited to have sex with her partner.  She was so infatuated with Matt right off the bat that she assumed all these glorious things about him that are not true - in fact he's mostly just the opposite.  So she jumped in with both feet and hands way too fast.  And that gets me, because this season we have two women that should trust their husbands not trusting them and keeping them at an arm's length way longer than they should (Deonna and Iris), and two women just jumping into sex and fantasized emotional intimacy with two relative dirt bags before knowing what they were really made out of (Amber and Elizabeth).  

Jumping in bed with someone right away is risky.  It's a coin toss.  

Edited August 16, 2019 by Neurochick

[Yeah No]

7 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

Yes to this.  It's not that Deonna is cold to Greg, it's that Deonna just wants Greg to BE.  Stop planning, asking, "when are we going to have sex again?"  If someone asked me that, I'd say, "never."  It's like if a kid keeps saying, "are we there yet?"  Chill the fuck out, enjoy the ride, look out the window or something, stop obsessing, stay in the moment.  

I will agree that Greg's approach is more likely to push a woman away than anything else, but IMO he has been more than patient with her and is trying to show her (gently) that he is losing some of that patience and wants to move forward.  I think he has been taking the approach you talk about above until recently thinking he would let her come to him or that things would "just happen when they happen" like she said they would......But after how many weeks now they still haven't.  And so he's starting up again with the questions.  I seriously can't blame him at this point.  Deonna is the one that needs to chill the fuck out, IMO.  She is not sending out the signs of someone that wants things to happen when they happen despite saying that, IMO.  She still has too many walls up for that.  I know she is trying to overcome them, but I don't blame him for getting impatient either.

[Gem 10]

12 hours ago, ECM1231 said:

I'm laughing so hard my belly is actually aching. Kudos.

I love this site...so many funny people! 

I was actually dying to say Iris belonged in a Convent but was afraid I would be stoned, haha.  Thank you for having the guts to say it.  We have to laugh on this site or else what’s the point?

[Neurochick]

9 hours ago, gingerandcloves said:

That's it, I think I got most of in there. Now I'm really curious to know what Iris's "secret" is.

That she's not a virgin.

[Booger666]

19 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

She is way too invested in the fantasy she is projecting onto him. 

This one sentence says it all about Amber and Matt.

I’m going to defend Greg a bit on the “just let it happen” approach.  We are living in a time where young people are often told to ask if it’s what the other person wants multiple times along the way.  I think if he just put the moves on Deonna  there’s a real risk she could be offended which is the last thing he wants as he genuinely likes her.  Plus, he has said he’s been through therapy.  Praise be to little eight pound, six ounce baby Jesus in his golden, fleece lined diapers many, many women would love a man to talk about relationships issues, but Deonna doesn’t like to talk.  I think he’s in a bit of a lose - lose situation because she doesn’t want to talk about it and if he sits back to let it happen it may be too infrequent for his needs, which matter just as much as Deonna’s needs.

Edited August 16, 2019 by Booger666

[Gem 10]

4 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

Yes to this.  It's not that Deonna is cold to Greg, it's that Deonna just wants Greg to BE.  Stop planning, asking, "when are we going to have sex again?"  If someone asked me that, I'd say, "never."  It's like if a kid keeps saying, "are we there yet?"  Chill the fuck out, enjoy the ride, look out the window or something, stop obsessing, stay in the moment. 

YES.  Is she gonna wait until she’s all dried up?  Live a little, take a chance, she might like it.  If she has a psychological problem, go see a therapist.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

8 hours ago, Gem 10 said:

Is she [Deonna] gonna wait until she’s all dried up?  Live a little, take a chance, she might like it.  If she has a psychological problem, go see a therapist.

Sorry, but I have to compare this to training my birds. Birds will do the same annoying things, over and over and over. The only way to make it stop is to ignore it, because what they want is attention. Deonna seems 'put off' by all Greg's attempts to get her attention (especially sexually). The thing is, you can't make someone who is seeking attention stop it by responding to them in any way -because that's giving them attention! 

You have to wait until they aren't doing what you don't want them to do, and then (without mentioning the 'bad' behavior at all) praise/compliment them and do nice things for them that you know they want you to do. 

Personally, I wouldn't be treating Greg that way. I think Greg's complements and his hopeful, gentle-but-eager attempts to seduce Deonna are endearing. And I love his obvious sincerity about wanting their relationship to last.

Greg needs to work on his tendency to "talk over her" -I can see how that would be annoying- but in general, I don't think Deonna knows how amazingly lucky she is. Thousands (maybe tens of thousands) of women would want to be in her shoes --and if Deonna chooses "divorce", Greg certainly won't have a problem getting dates!! 

Edited August 17, 2019 by Crazy Bird Lady

[Gem 10]

17 minutes ago, Booger666 said:

This one sentence says it all about Amber and Matt.

I’m going to defend Greg a bit on the “just let it happen” approach.  We are living in a time where young people are often told to ask if it’s what the other person wants multiple times along the way.  I think if he just put the moves on Deonna  there’s a real risk she could be offended which is the last thing he wants as he genuinely likes her.  Plus, he has said he’s been through therapy.  Praise be to little eight pound, six ounce baby Jesus in his golden, fleece lined diapers many, many women would love a man to talk about relationships issues, but Deonna doesn’t like to talk.  I think he’s in a bit of a lose - lose situation because she doesn’t want to talk about it and if he sits back to let it happen it may be too infrequent for his needs, which matter just as much as Deonna’s needs.

Greg should get together with Amber.  She’s always ready for action.  He’ll walk out bow- legged.

[Retired at last]

I hope that Deonna and Greg are getting the "show anything negative" edit, because they are doing pretty well and will probably stay together. She is looking so much happier, but does tend to close up and start getting snippy. He is just trying to get to know her and she is not letting him. She can only go at her pace, which she has made a lot of growth, but she stays in her head and won't share with him what she is thinking, which frustrates the hell out of him, rightfully so.

Curious about Iris' secret and what the doctor knows. Between the speculation last season about Luke being gay and now this, I would say that the experts needed to do a little more research! Maybe they need to partner with the Catfish team before anyone is cast?

If Amber is saying that they are not having sex, she must be finally admitting that their "marriage" is a sham. I am sure it hurts, but good for her. I am pretty sure Matt wouldn't turn it down, so it must be that she is finally taking charge of that. Maybe she is using it as a bargaining chip, "If you come home before midnight, we can have sex," and he doesn't (or is, as most of us think) getting it elsewhere, which should also be concerning for Amber.

There are no more words needed for Jamie and Big Red, other than we haven't been hearing much about her new job or seeing any interactions with Big Daddy, which is wonderful.

Edited August 16, 2019 by Retired at last
included Matt's name for clarity

[Gem 10]

4 minutes ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

Sorry, but I have to compare this to training my birds. Birds will do the same annoying things, over and over and over. The only way to make it stop is to ignore it, because what they want is attention. You cannot make someone who is attention-seeking stop doing the thing you don't like by responding to them, in any way. 

Instead, you have to wait until they aren't doing the thing you don't want them to do, and then (without mentioning the 'bad' behavior) praise/compliment them and do nice things for them that you know they want you to do. 

Oh, like reverse psychology?  Ignore them until they come to you?  That’s good.

[topanga]

29 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

Yes to this.  It's not that Deonna is cold to Greg, it's that Deonna just wants Greg to BE.  Stop planning, asking, "when are we going to have sex again?"  If someone asked me that, I'd say, "never."  It's like if a kid keeps saying, "are we there yet?"  Chill the fuck out, enjoy the ride, look out the window or something, stop obsessing, stay in the moment.  

16 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

I will agree that Greg's approach is more likely to push a woman away than anything else, but IMO he has been more than patient with her and is trying to show her (gently) that he is losing some of that patience and wants to move forward.  I think he has been taking the approach you talk about above until recently thinking he would let her come to him or that things would "just happen when they happen" like she said they would......But after how many weeks now they still haven't.  And so he's starting up again with the questions.  I seriously can't blame him at this point. 

The thing is, most married men don't have to ask their partners "When are we going to have sex again?" If they do, that suggests a medical issue or a problem in their relationship. 

Of course this isn't a normal marriage. These couples didn't have a chance to develop any emotional intimacy before they got married. 

I understand why Deonna took her time before having sex with Greg. I agree with her, in fact!

But on the episode where Greg asked her about when they would possibly have sex again, why hadn't they had sex except for that one night? It sounds like it had been a week or so. 

• Was Deonna still sick? If so, she should've said that.
• Was Greg terrible in bed? If so, they should've had a conversation about that (possibly off-camera).
• Is Deonna still worried that Greg won't be around after decision day, so she's hesitant about about him using her for sex? Possibly, but that's not what she said to Greg. Also, Greg's behavior has always displayed how smitten he is with Deonna and how much he wants this marriage to work. So I don't believe that possibility. 
• Does Deonna have a naturally low sex drive? If so, they should have a conversation about that. Couples often have different sex drives, and they have to work together to make sure everyone is as comfortable and satisfied as possible. 
• Does Deonna have a history of sexual abuse or trauma that makes her dislike sex? Maybe she wouldn't discuss that on camera, but what she has been saying doesn't suggest that at all. 
• Maybe Deonna simply doesn't want to have sex with Greg, even though she says she's sexually attracted to him. Maybe she doesn't think he's the one for her.  His house, tho. Maybe they could be roommates...

9 hours ago, Jade Foxx said:

She’s- 

(1) asexual 

(2) has deformed genitalia 

(3) has had butt sex 

(4) is on psych meds which zap her libido

(5) has a history of sexual molestation/abuse

(6) wants to be a spokesperson on “purity lifestyle”

...is going to cry and whine no matter what the issue is

TAKING BETS....

She was pregnant before--her gyn artificially inseminated her by accident, and she had the baby vis C-section. Her mother is raising it. So she's still a virgin. Iris the Virgin. 

[NannyBails]

16 minutes ago, topanga said:

She was pregnant before--her gyn artificially inseminated her by accident, and she had the baby vis C-section. Her mother is raising it. So she's still a virgin. Iris the Virgin. 

LOL! 

[spunky]

Jamie and Liz /Amber and Matt, please exit stage left.  Your marriages are a hot mess. At least Amber is growing a spine, I wish she were confident enough to accept the out that Dr. Viviana was giving her. I knew Matt was going to get it the minute Pastor Cal took his glasses off.  Deonna did a great job recognizing that being guarded with her feelings would eventually dive Greg away, and being open and honest with him about it. I'm so proud of Iris taking Dr. Viviana's advice and using the edible body paint.  You could tell she began to relax , which made Keith more comfortable. I won't be surprised if that was the night she allowed Keith to have her virginity. 

[Gem 10]

42 minutes ago, Booger666 said:

This one sentence says it all about Amber and Matt.

I’m going to defend Greg a bit on the “just let it happen” approach.  We are living in a time where young people are often told to ask if it’s what the other person wants multiple times along the way.  I think if he just put the moves on Deonna  there’s a real risk she could be offended which is the last thing he wants as he genuinely likes her.  Plus, he has said he’s been through therapy.  Praise be to little eight pound, six ounce baby Jesus in his golden, fleece lined diapers many, many women would love a man to talk about relationships issues, but Deonna doesn’t like to talk.  I think he’s in a bit of a lose - lose situation because she doesn’t want to talk about it and if he sits back to let it happen it may be too infrequent for his needs, which matter just as much as Deonna’s needs.

What are the three experts for?  Who screened these eight people?  Out of all the people they interviewed, they picked this nutty bunch?  Probably on purpose.

[2727]

My guess is that Iris doesn't have an intact hymen, either congenitally or broken in other non-sexual ways.

[topanga]

9 minutes ago, Gem 10 said:

What are the three experts for?  Who screened these eight people?  Out of all the people they interviewed, they picked this nutty bunch?  Probably on purpose.

Have you heard of CinemaSins? You'd be great on "RealityShowSins" if there were such a program.

And don't you have to be a little nutty to want to be on this show? 

Seriously, in the history of MAFS, who has been "normal?"

--This season, I'd say Keith and Greg are pretty normal. Although Keith is a little too chill--even though I'm starting to sense his frustration with Iris. He remains very laid-back and non-confrontational. Either he smokes a bowl every day to smooth himself out, or he's got a secret crazy side that we just haven't seen yet.

How about other seasons? Shawniece was fairly normal. She spoke in complete sentences and had a strong sense of self, but she was quite emotionally needy. Nowhere as bad as Amber, but Shawniece did cry a lot. A lot. It helped that Jephte was only a garden-variety asshole and not a Matt-Jamie-Elizabeth-level psycho. And Jepthe was willing to work on himself and his marriage. 

Who else was normal? I haven't seen many of the previous seasons. 

[cecig75]

Not sure if I'm gonna get in trouble for posting on this thread, but has anyone seen the previews for next week's episode??? Something is truly off with Beth! She calls the new Dr. a B%$#*! 

[cecig75]

18 hours ago, nrskim said:

Liz: This chick is completely, certifiably insane. There is something like incest between her and her dad, it's just plain creepy. One minute she can be hugging and sweet to Jamie, the next, she is screeching at the top of her lungs and having a temper tantrum. How she slipped in this group, and past mental health evaluations, is beyond me. I would suspect MOST people would read her evaluation and call the men in the white coats to take her away. Even her dogs think she's nuts, they hang all over Jaime. Grade: F (and that's grading up on a curve) 

Like I'm seriously wondering the same thing. WHO thought she would be a fit for a husband??? 

[suzeecat]

14 minutes ago, cecig75 said:

Like I'm seriously wondering the same thing. WHO thought she would be a fit for a husband??? 

She's reality TV gold! And with Jamie, a match made in reality TV heaven!

[Neurochick]

She made some good points, especially about Amber and Matt.  

Interesting what she said about Deonna and Greg, she was right, I wasn't very open after a month after meeting someone.  Yes, they're married, but, as the show keeps telling us, they're a stranger.  

[psychoticstate]

Matt didn't come home for TWO DAYS???  And didn't respond to Amber's calls/texts?  Oh hell no.  Since this wasn't the first time and they've been married all of a freaking month, I'd pack my shit and leave.  

The experts need to admit they made a mistake.  If Matt is just now finding out that marriage is "hard," (i.e., being responsible and considerate to another adult) and needs time to "clear his mind" or whatever, fuck that shit.  He's not ready for a committed relationship of any kind, much less marriage.  

I have to admit that hearing Amber tell Dr. Viviana or whatever her name is that she just really wanted a relationship, etc. broke my black heart of goo just a little bit.   Amber (at least to me) is clearly codependent.  She wants the marriage (not really a marriage) to work so badly she's going to accept anything Matt dishes out.  Example:  I just want him home, holding me.  No, you should want him home to make sure he's not dead and then you threaten to fucking kill him.  

And you sure as shit don't greet him with lovesick puppy dog eyes when he strolls through the door with a "Wassup" like nothing happened.  No.  No.  No.  And you don't tell him that your only "rule" is that he answer your texts and be home by 2:30.  What the fuck does he need to be out until 2:30, without his wife, for?  Maybe look for a job!  Or do some housework while Amber is at work!  

This was just not acceptable and I'm frankly horrified that the experts didn't immediately call an end to this charade.  Amber is going to end up as traumatized and damaged as Kate did last season, if not worse.   She's already taken this very personally, seeing that Matt's going out is due to the fact that he doesn't want to be with her versus the fact that he's just a shitty and selfish partner.

Iris seemed to get over her inhibitions fairly quickly.  All it took was Dr. V to suggest body glitter?  Really?   And she's okay acting all this out in front of the camera?  I'm calling b.s.

I love Keith though.  He seems like an upstanding guy.  Don't let me down, Keith.

Greg is amazing.  Deonna better count her blessings.  She needs to talk to Amber for some levity.   Greg's friend seemed cool too.  

Of course Elizabeth and Jamie are in it to win it.  The fact that Jamie called Elizabeth a C-U-Next-Tuesday should have ended it right there.  As a female, I can say that is the worst thing you can call me.  There is no excuse for it.

And how many times are these two going to be told or instructed not to threaten divorce and name call?  They both agree and we all know that they'll be back to doing it again next week.  They are toxic together.  Period.   Jamie says Elizabeth uses sex; well, clearly he does too.   Neither are innocent, just as neither are innocent of the name calling and threats to leave.  

The only couples I have hopes for are Greg and Deonna and Keith and Iris.   The other two should just end the farce now.

p.s. - If I had played the drinking game and took a swig every time "virgin" or "virginity" was mentioned, I'd be an organ donor today (well, everything but my liver) in cold storage at the morgue. 

Edited August 16, 2019 by psychoticstate

[Elizzikra]

Quote

He's also just dumb enough to think he can BS his way through without being called out for what he is.

So far he isn't wrong. He is in fact BS'ing his way through and Amber isn't really calling him out for who he is and what he's doing.

[Empress1]

1 hour ago, topanga said:

Who else was normal? I haven't seen many of the previous seasons. 

I started watching with the Atlanta season and this guy Neil was pretty normal. Nice guy, good job, presented himself well. (I remember there was division on the boards about whether he was attractive and I commented that if you put him in Williamsburg, Brooklyn he would clean up. He had a hipster aesthetic.) He was matched with someone awful who treated him like shit and he dumped her on decision day, which she eventually acknowledged she deserved (she burst into tears and ran off in the moment). I think the biggest issue with Tre, who was matched with Vanessa that season, was that he was recruited off a dating app and I think he even said he was actively dating up until he was cast, so that didn't work out.

I actually think most of Miami was pretty normal with the exception of maybe Derek, who was dumped the day he got back from his honeymoon. And he wasn't really weird, he just wasn't bringing much to the table. The guy who lived in the bus was weird because ... bus.

Season 5* was the season with Ashley and Anthony, who are still married and have a kid. Cody and Danielle were really weird on that season though. 

Season 6 was Boston, which was a mess. Shawnice was pretty normal, as you say, and I think Jonathan was too. I remember being surprised he wasn't still in the "dating around" phase because he was a type that generally does pretty well with women - young, fit, educated, finance dude, seemed like he was a generally good boyfriend. 

*I'm not doing this from memory, I looked it up!

Edited August 16, 2019 by Empress1