S05.E08: Week 5: Part 1

[mertensia]

I did say whatever. He could be straight. I have no idea. Nor does his virginity factor into it. I mean, look at Ashley I. She did everything but walk around in a tee-shirt printed with I AM A VIRGIN. on it all the while hunting Jared down so they could get married and have lots of sex. But he seems uncomfortable in his own skin, and least once I got the impression that thought of engaging in sex sincerely had him baffled.

[rlc]

So, ‘I wasn’t sure you were all in’ means she hasn’t put out yet, right?

Edited September 4, 2018 by rlc

[thejuicer]

Shut up, Colton and Tia. Stay, leave, whatever. No one cares. 

[ECM1231]

Aw Crap, GMA just announced Colton is the next Bachelor.

[TheFinalRose]

It's on the Bachelor Twitter too. What a stupid pick. 

The only good thing is that Tia will be having a meltdown. 

[Mu Shu]

I don’t mind Colton, and he did a good sobbing Mesnick, wearing a hoodie.  That’s something. 

I want to hate the lead anyway, so better him than Joe.  Which by the way, get the fuck back to your real life in Chicago before you lose it.  

[DEL901]

14 minutes ago, Mu Shu said:

I don’t mind Colton, and he did a good sobbing Mesnick, wearing a hoodie.  That’s something. 

I want to hate the lead anyway, so better him than Joe.  Which by the way, get the fuck back to your real life in Chicago before you lose it.  

Oops.  Might bea spoiler.   Nevermind

Edited September 4, 2018 by DEL901

[backformore]

2 hours ago, PhysNerd said:

Why does everyone automatically think he's gay? Because he's a virgin? Because he doesn't like Tia and is a people pleaser? A lot of married men and a lot of promiscuous single men are gay, so having multiple sexual partners doesn't cement one's sexual orientation.  Honestly, you can't really determine someone's sexual orientation in most cases.  

 

I agree. I think it is ridiculous and offensive, in most cases, to say that someone's  sexual orientation is anything other than what they say it is.

I say in most cases, because I make an exception for people whose sexual behavior contradicts how they present themselves. Since Colton was not pursuing anything with any of the guys, his sexual orientation is what he says it is.

[TomGirl]

So Colton is the next Bachelor.  Ugh.  What happened to Jason??

[JenE4]

2 hours ago, PhysNerd said:

Why does everyone automatically think he's gay? Because he's a virgin? Because he doesn't like Tia and is a people pleaser? A lot of married men and a lot of promiscuous single men are gay, so having multiple sexual partners doesn't cement one's sexual orientation.  Honestly, you can't really determine someone's sexual orientation in most cases.  

I do not know his sexual orientation nor do I know him personally, but based strictly on his public actions, it seems like he really isn't interested in a relationship right now.  He is a famewhore and will do whatever it takes to get on tv. Building a career in entertainment seems to be his focus right now. That's why he dates women who are semi-famous.  If he could get away with dating an A-list actress, then he would, but most would not give him the time of day.  The strategy has worked though; he is definitely getting the Bachelor edit.  If he does become the Bachelor, then he will be the star of the show and have many women to choose from.  He'll probably choose one woman (eventually) in the end, date her for a few months and then dump her.  

 

6 minutes ago, backformore said:

I agree. I think it is ridiculous and offensive, in most cases, to say that someone's  sexual orientation is anything other than what they say it is.

I say in most cases, because I make an exception for people whose sexual behavior contradicts how they present themselves. Since Colton was not pursuing anything with any of the guys, his sexual orientation is what he says it is.

Ok, i’ll bite. The reason why I think there’s a chance that he MIGHT be gay is because his “reason” for being a virgin is “football” full stop. I hardly know anything about this guy—what his actual job is (other than former football player)—but the one thing we’ve seen over and over and over again is him crying that football and his family put a LOT of expectations on him that he never felt like he could be his true self. What’s his true self? Damed if I know. But to be THAT self-conscious that you’re apparently living this unauthentic life and are so emotional because “football” made you live this facade of a life that makes you miserable, then, yeah, I think “football” didn’t allow him to feel like he could live his life as a gay man. And I think the multiple high-profile LONG-DISTANCE “relationships” is another way that he could “prove” to people he’s straight without having to actually do more than FaceTime. 

[Rainsong]

Three bloody hours?  It’s like returning home on Halloween night.  All that candy looks good.  And is good.  For a while.  Until you’re eating it just because it’s there.  The 18th Snickers Fun Size ® ™ © bar tastes like the plastic wrapper (actually, all the candy does) but you carry on because you must and you can.  At least there’s a slight thrill in not knowing what the character limit per post might be and the risk of bumping up against it.  Roald Amundsen & Edmund Hillary may just have some company as trailblazers.

It may be shouting into the wind but we must do something about the Bippers and their pathetic and obvious attempts to coin catchphrases in the hope that they will become the shorthand reference for this or that season, similar to the silly in-joke tags displayed alongside many contestant names.  Jordan has been racking his brain and come up empty so far while 40-watt Chelsea is attempting to get in on the act.  If eternally boring Chelsea had to tell a joke to save someone from the firing squad, the squad had better stand by locked & loaded.  Those puzzling over Chelsea’s lack of suitors might consider that off-camera the blokes have decided verbally or otherwise that she’s a melt.

Angela opens proceedings by wondering if she can believe anything Eric says – someone please hire a skywriter to display a big N-O over the beach.  Eric’s skill as a player is in inverse proportion to his belief in his skill, meaning his self-serving in-the-moment come-ons are lame and desperate.  Credit the Bipper women for realizing that they’re being manipulated so they short-circuit the process by taking the cad and putting him literally in the middle so he can’t tell two different tales.  Some of the males have a bit of success in slithering out of trouble but Eric is hopeless.  But can someone please tap Angela, Tia et al on the shoulder and tell them that ‘all in’ is meaningless until and unless they get to the Jared & Ashley stage?

Tia’s greatest weakness may be her frequent tempting of fate.  She can’t help but emulate countless scenes from films & TV when, during the drive home after a social event, the wife in Couple A regales the husband with her views of what Couple B are doing right or wrong – usually wrong, in her view.  Her attempts to compare and condemn her peers and to provoke thought in Colton (and let’s face it – that takes a lot of provoking) will boomerang on her – and quickly.  She’s constantly taking her own emotional temperature while failing to notice Colton’s hangdog expression.

Eric, Cassandra and her chin cleft are bundled off to Villa Tourista where, apparently, the alcohol rationing is still in effect and they are compelled to share…popsicles instead of mojitos.  Perhaps Corinne was an anomaly and that drinking wasn’t the problem but sociopathic narcissism was?  On the other hand, if all the sociopathic narcissists are barred from casting there won’t be a cast.  Never mind.

BIP now features more horseback riding than a typical episode of Gunsmoke.  The locals are just thrilled to have two gringos crowned as rodeo royalty.  At least we are meant to think so.  Eric trots (pun!) out his best horseflop:  ‘She means nothing to me.’  Cassandra is a bit too chirpy but isn’t a total fool and isn’t buying just yet.

A rare day of sunshine means lights out for the oblivious Tia.  Astrid is no dummy and can hear the bells tolling although she earns a demerit for asking the question that men abhor:  ‘What’s wrong?’  It has no answer.  It will never have an answer.  It will never get an answer.  Please stop asking it.  Astrid’s arse is blurred although, curiously, appears unblurred (if a bit muddy) in subsequent shots inside the huts.  Have we worked out what the black sludge frequently washing up on the beach might be?  Colton wants to be ‘away from everybody.’  Colton, mate, perhaps you’ve seen those people carrying cameras and boom mics walking around every day, all day.  You’ll never be away from everybody and at tense moments like this they will be happy to shove their A/V gear into your face as they walk in circles around you.  Man-child Colton’s only piece of luggage for a potential month-long stay is a backpack?  I’ve heard of traveling light but this is remarkable.

Tia’s rapid, unexpected (?) breakup and exit has put the frighteners on the other ladies.  Kendall declares that they want honesty but their expressions say that Colton’s brand of honesty is the last thing they want.  It’s Jenna’s turn in the Meltdown Chamber.  Jordan barks ‘Hey!’ at her like a Little League manager after his second baseman has booted a grounder.  More harsh than helpful.  To be fair, Jordan does a hilarious double take when the oblivious John emerges to ask where Tia & Colton might be.

Many of the Bippers’ second thoughts are actually first thoughts.  As in ‘me first.’  Exhibit A:  Eric.  Exhibit B:  Krystal.  But Kevin’s reservations are actually believable insecurities even if he repeats them frequently.  He’s watching a parade of girls bounce from boy to boy.  None of them can hold a candle to Astrid and he asks the very sensible if rhetorical question:  ‘What am I missing here?’  Rather than worry about the answer, he drops the L word (in its original acronymic context) and Astrid is well pleased but stops just short of returning serve.  Does Kevin notice?  Probably.  Does he mind?  Not at present.

It’s the next morning (we think) and Shushanna and Christen arrive to get the other women’s guts churning straight away, especially Anneliese and her hair-trigger tear ducts.  Anneliese nervously blinks like an SLR camera shutter when she’s, er, nervous.  Master logician John says ‘Ah…OK’ when the date cards are revealed and magically combined to form a sentence.

The double date departs with the lads wearing more of those hideous T-shirts and tank tops.  Visually it’s like standing in a long line for a Six Flags roller coaster in 1979.  All that’s missing are the center-parted feather cuts.

Jared & Ashley return.  CH declares that ‘things can turn on a dime.  Just like that.’  That’s redundant, Cristoforo mi amigo.  Jared still hasn’t purchased a razor.  Jared still can’t grow a proper beard.  Jared was flown to Fiji to participate in Australia’s inaugural Bachelor In Paradise (where, it should be noted, the booze flowed freely) with a bevy of fun-loving, fair-dinkum, fully banter-equipped Aussie chicks.  He spent his entire time moping and moaning and generally giving a poor representation of the ol’ red white and blue.  The Australians were not impressed and that’s putting it mildly.  Little did we know (or maybe we did) that he was carrying a torch for Ashley to whom he is now presenting an engagement ring.  Ashley gives hope to stalkers everywhere that they too might get their man – and that it’s possible to walk in spike heels on a beach without getting stuck.  Ashley is elated, of course, but that doesn’t mean we can avoid one more replay of her highlight reel of crying jags.  She’s also elated that she won’t have to write ‘Iaconetti’ out longhand after the wedding although it may take some practice to spell ‘Haibon’ correctly. 

Haibon?

Afterward, Anneliese is talking about her favorite subject.  Herself.  Kamil gets only the occasional mention.  She wants to ‘stay out of [her] head.’  So far, that plan is failing spectacularly.  She also wants to ‘experience this experience.’  Well, at least that part is guaranteed.

Kevin, you’ve graduated from J&B to The Balvenie.  Don’t overthink it.  The date card is perfectly timed.  Astrid, bless her, is philosophical.  And a hell of a poker player, it would seem.  She lays down the royal flush:  ‘I love you.’  Kevin inexplicably frowns and bites his lip but manages to snap out of his funk.  They’re also raising the stakes accordingly in the Uneaten Food Department:  an entire cooked lobster is left untouched as they ditch the dinner table for the pool.  As you do.  The tender moment is made a bit less tender with the arrival of a mariachi band and dancing girls.  Wouldn’t a lone flamenco guitarist have been more appropriate – to say nothing of more budget-friendly?  But us gigging musicians know the deal – the person paying the band calls the tune.

Back at the daybed, Anneliese has buttonholed the next and final victim, Eric, to bore with her anxiety.  One is reminded of the scene from ‘Airplane’ where Robert Hays is tormenting the old lady with his longwinded life story only to finally look over and see that she’s escaped by hanging from a noose.  Incredibly, Kamil has eschewed Shu and opted for amped-up Anneliese who is still.  talking.  But this time it’s a victory lap.  Memo to Annaliese:  you just watched Tia get a bit too smug with disastrous results.  Wind your neck in.

The mad scramble for roses is on with the women plotting strategy rather than executing it.  Possibly ruinous mistake.  John isstilltalkinglikethisandrunningallhiswordsandsentencestogether.  His chat-up lines are worse than his dad jokes.  And less sincere.  ‘You’re a really good dancer!’  Groan.  Christen has Rose Fever and doesn’t notice a thing.  John is based in Northern California and so, conveniently, are redwood trees.  John’s footwork is on a par with that of the General Sherman sequoia.    The paired-up males are the Greek chorus providing commentary as John moves to Olivia who makes her pitch.

Shushanna the Armenian gets a dose of Dutch courage from Wells and launches another sortie over Poland.  But Kamil isn’t looking up at the sky.

Keeping with the international theme, Kiwi Jordan and his shiny pate are a late arrival.  Christen’s attempt at an accent is hopeless.  ‘You sound like a drunk Mary Poppins’ is not only a great line but a fantastic putdown.  New Zealanders don’t sugarcoat anything.  And haven’t we had an overdose of Minnesota Nice lately anyway?  Chelsea has gone from sounding board to trampoline and she’s now trying to bounce Annaliese out of Kamil’s life.

The RC is a tale of haves and have-nots with the have-nots narrating from the Dept of the Bleeding Obvious.  Eric chooses Cassandra.  Admit it – it would be good fun to see one of the rejected girls trip a rival as the rival steps down from the riser.  Shushanna’s luck arrives late but she’s not fussed about the timing.  Chelsea is still banging on.  And headed home.  Mercifully.  Christen throws a wobbler.  Her ears are ringing.  So are mine, no thanks to Chelsea.

Edited September 4, 2018 by Rainsong

[JudyObscure]

I had to miss it last night so I was watching it on the ABC site with it's two hundred commercials as  punishment for not watching in real time, plus I forgot it had an extra hour attached -- Gads! It was horrible!   As if I'd fallen into a new ring of Hell where Analiese runs an endless  cycle of falling in love and being heartbroken and women fight over men whose occupations are things like "ex-social media participant."   I think Kamil must have posted 'Go Buckeyes," on a football forum one time.  He deserves to live in his own circle of Hell for eternity just for that coy affectation of biting his lower lip after speaking and kissing. 

Meanwhile, Eric's special ring in Hell is with all the motivational speakers and televangelists who have done nothing at all to make themselves qualified to tell other people how to live, yet their giant egos  and rote memory of meaningless platitudes make them confident they should be "role models."    After this, Eric might get jobs as guest speaker for bachelor parties. " How to talk to women the day after,"  could feature points like,  tell them those lies you told were then and this is now, and  anything you said before is  currently, "taken out of context."    You can also spread your arms wide and tell her it's her fault you cheated, because although she said she loved you and did all those nice things for you -- you just weren't feeling it.

Tia was there too, sobbing and saying Colton had to shape up and stop hurting women this way, when it was Tia who insisted and pushed and demanded that he give her a try.  Well he did give Tia a chance and then he was perfectly kind and honest with her that it wasn't happening.  Tia's the one who needs to change and quit thinking  men owe her something  just because she finds them attractive.

I didn't see the whole thing because my computer screen froze.  Thank God.

[piewarmer]

Jenna was my favorite part of last night, for giving me my new going-out motto "I have a good feeling about tonight and I'm not gonna let that go" and being tumbled by the surf in her new intro.

Edited September 4, 2018 by piewarmer

[CindyBee]

36 minutes ago, TomGirl said:

So Colton is the next Bachelor.  Ugh.  What happened to Jason??

I think Jason is too much of an individual to be the Bachelor--as someone who actually has a career and a brain, he probably would do his own thing and you know TPTB can't have that.  

I never seen Fleiss and company be so tone deaf to 90% of watchers thinking that Colton is a bad idea but who knows, maybe it will be the most.dramatic.season EVER.

[Armchair Critic]

46 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

The reason why I think there’s a chance that he MIGHT be gay is because his “reason” for being a virgin is “football” full stop. I hardly know anything about this guy—what his actual job is (other than former football player)—but the one thing we’ve seen over and over and over again is him crying that football and his family put a LOT of expectations on him that he never felt like he could be his true self. What’s his true self? Damed if I know. But to be THAT self-conscious that you’re apparently living this unauthentic life and are so emotional because “football” made you live this facade of a life that makes you miserable, then, yeah, I think “football” didn’t allow him to feel like he could live his life as a gay man. And I think the multiple high-profile LONG-DISTANCE “relationships” is another way that he could “prove” to people he’s straight without having to actually do more than FaceTime. 

Donning my flameproof suit to say he reminds me of Tim Tebow and not in a good way if you know what I'm saying and I think you do. ;) LOL

Put a blonde frizzy wig on Tia and she could be Ruth Langmore on Ozark.

[saber5055]

50 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

The reason why I think there’s a chance that he MIGHT be gay is because his “reason” for being a virgin is “football” full stop. I hardly know anything about this guy—what his actual job is (other than former football player)—but the one thing we’ve seen over and over and over again is him crying that football and his family put a LOT of expectations on him that he never felt like he could be his true self. What’s his true self?

Congratulations for believing the script TPTB gave Colton so the stage would be set properly for him being the next Bachelor. You (we all) have been played.

[piewarmer]

1 hour ago, TomGirl said:

So Colton is the next Bachelor.  Ugh.  What happened to Jason??

Overqualified.

[saber5055]

37 minutes ago, JudyObscure said:

I didn't see the whole thing because my computer screen froze.  Thank God.

I didn't see the whole thing because I flipped to ANW and then went to bed. Thank all the gods.

26 minutes ago, CindyBee said:

I never seen Fleiss and company be so tone deaf to 90% of watchers thinking that Colton is a bad idea but who knows, maybe it will be the most.dramatic.season EVER.

This made me laugh because you are right, Colton's season WILL be the most.dramatic.season EVER. Take a drink every time we hear that one. I guess we all need some "drama" after this BIP being the.worst.season.EVER. Even the editors don't give a care any more, we've had maybe one-half laugh in all these multiple hours of dragging out "drama" that's so scripted we all knew what was coming next. Or at least I did. What's up that this dead and bloated cash cow is still producing mega money for Fleiss.

[Stan39]

Catching up on last night. Jenna calling men confused and that they change their minds might be the best unintentional comedy of the night. 

Never need Kendall’s opinion on anything ever again. 

I wish the show could just say “sex” so that we didn’t have to hear “all in” for an hour. 

I’m gonna play devil’s advocate and defend Eric here. I don’t like the way he went about it, but I don’t buy Angela’s purity, either. It’s pretty obvious that on their date, after the cameras left, Eric wanted sex and Angela didn’t. She kept talking about what happened during that 8 hours of sleep that changed his mind? It was probably 8 hours of not having sex with someone who supposedly wants to be in a committed relationship. I’ll probably receive crap for this, but if I was in Eric’s position I’d probably doubt Angela’s intentions, too. Everyone is calling Eric a liar, but I think it’s just as likely that Angela is just saying and doing things in front of the cameras. Her version of “all in” may just be, “Let’s date through this show so that we look like a real couple and can get more publicity when we get home.” Nobody needs to sleep with someone if they don’t want to, but I think Eric is justified in questioning Angela’s true motivations. He didn’t handle his date with Cassandra well, but he probably also thinks Angela is fake, and a little pissed that he can’t call her out and say to the cameras that she just wants a fake relationship for the show. 

I don’t know. They edit this to look however they want. Just wanted to suggest an alternative because Eric had seemed like a good guy for most of the season. 

Edited September 4, 2018 by Stan39

[Mabinogia]

I wonder if Jason noticed the trend that a beloved contestant ends up hated as the lead and said no thanks. It just seems like as soon as Becca's season ended he threw out his Bachelor Nation Visa and went back to the real world. Good on him if that is true. He just proved himself better than, well, every single one of them that sold themselves to this shit show. 

I'm morbidly curious to see how Colton will be as Bachelor. Unless he pulls a full on Kayser Soze, I'm not sure how his bumbling idiot routine is going to work. He's not shown himself to have any game whatsover and I just fear his little head *wink wink* will explode at the thought of a bunch of women throwing themselves at him. I am curious what kind of women they have lined up for him. NIce girls, trying to recapture the "success" of Sean and Catherine, or a bunch of aggressive women who will basically tear the inexperienced virgin to shreds, trying to recapture the "magic" of virgin Ashley. *shiver*

Either way, it will be different. 

2 minutes ago, Stan39 said:

I wish the show could just say “sex” so that we didn’t have to hear “all in” for an hour. 

Using "all in" as a euphemism for sex is....eeeew I really don't need to know how far in they are getting. 

[RosieRose221]

Hahahaahah! i thought that is  who Chris was going to bring back out that would have been hilarious! but instead it was bald new zealand guy

[JenE4]

55 minutes ago, Stan39 said:

Catching up on last night. Jenna calling men confused and that they change their minds might be the best unintentional comedy of the night. 

Never need Kendall’s opinion on anything ever again. 

I wish the show could just say “sex” so that we didn’t have to hear “all in” for an hour. 

I’m gonna play devil’s advocate and defend Eric here. I don’t like the way he went about it, but I don’t buy Angela’s purity, either. It’s pretty obvious that on their date, after the cameras left, Eric wanted sex and Angela didn’t. She kept talking about what happened during that 8 hours of sleep that changed his mind? It was probably 8 hours of not having sex with someone who supposedly wants to be in a committed relationship. I’ll probably receive crap for this, but if I was in Eric’s position I’d probably doubt Angela’s intentions, too. Everyone is calling Eric a liar, but I think it’s just as likely that Angela is just saying and doing things in front of the cameras. Her version of “all in” may just be, “Let’s date through this show so that we look like a real couple and can get more publicity when we get home.” Nobody needs to sleep with someone if they don’t want to, but I think Eric is justified in questioning Angela’s true motivations. He didn’t handle his date with Cassandra well, but he probably also thinks Angela is fake, and a little pissed that he can’t call her out and say to the cameras that she just wants a fake relationship for the show. 

I don’t know. They edit this to look however they want. Just wanted to suggest an alternative because Eric had seemed like a good guy for most of the season. 

Oh! Eric’s penis wasn’t “all in” Angela’s vagina. Now that conversation makes sense.

[misokinesia]

5 hours ago, Shades of Scarlet said:

I have no memory of this Jordan dude from Winter Games but he oozes tool.  

I remember having that as a first impression of him when he was on Winter Games. He ended up with Bibiana for a while (well, a Bachelor while) and I grew to not mind him. I think I may have actually liked him by the time he left. IIRC, she broke it off with him because she wasn't ready for more of a commitment/sure of where their future would go...? Something like that. It wasn't on bad terms.

[Stan39]

Haha. When NZ Jordan showed up the first woman to jump up and hug him was Annieliese. I half expected a talking head segment with her exclaiming how she’s never felt this way about a guy before. 

Angela moving on to Jordan suggests even more to me that she’s fake and more concerned about being on TV than with Eric. This was reinforced in a segment on the beach where she very clearly stated she was hopeful of “the process” and felt like she did everything right. 

 

Of everyone from Winter Games to bring back, none of the women? There were some attractive international women that would have mixed things up a little. I think one girl, Rebecca?, from Sweden (not the one who dated Luke) was gorgeous and really cool. 

[RosieRose221]

14 hours ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

If I had to guess I would say that Christen has had a LOT of work done

OMG For sure 

[Stan39]

3 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

Oh! Eric’s penis wasn’t “all in” Angela’s vagina. Now that conversation makes sense.

Lol. Conversely, Annaliese obviously slept with Kamil/provided some kind of sexual favors, and that sealed the deal. He probably wants to give his rose to another girl/get away from Annaliese, but probably promised his rose in exchange for sex and knows if he backs out she’ll try to destroy him. 

[RosieRose221]

14 hours ago, CindyBee said:

Watching Annaleise meltdown over a relationship that is 2 days old is a train wreck I can't look away from.

OMG she is talking about getting engaged - she is so desperate i cant even!

14 hours ago, CindyBee said:

I think he's said the fact that she was no longer available woke him up.  But that could be the reason too.

I'm not going to lie, I loved season 2 of Bachelor in Paradise.  It had Ashley melting down all the time, Kirk dumping Carly and Janner being the IT couple

I did too! also - Ashley did not lose her v-card to Kevin I dont think...

[RosieRose221]

13 hours ago, Jaclyn88 said:

Oh joy .. Kevin and Astrid get to go on a date .. to another pool . 

 

I think astrid looks like Ashley .. just less fillers . 

I have been thinking they look similar this whole time! but sorry in my opinion she is a discount ashley = not as pretty

[RosieRose221]

13 hours ago, Wandering Snark said:

He's twice heartbroken, a virgin, and probably gay.

I HOPE THEY ARE LOOKING FOR 30 SINGLE GUYS FOR HIM! THEY HAVENT DONE THAT YET ON BACHELOR IT WOULD BE GREAT! 

HONESTLY I KNOW PEOPLE DO HOLD OUT FOR RELIGIOUS REASONS BUT I DONT THINK THAT IS WHY HE IS STILL A VIRGIN - I REALLY THINK HE IS EITHER GAY OR IS IMPOTENT

13 hours ago, Wandering Snark said:

Do you really want to ask Annaliese "Do you have insecurities?" because I think the answer is "How much time do you have?"

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Mabinogia]

5 minutes ago, RosieRose221 said:

13 hours ago, Wandering Snark said:

He's twice heartbroken, a virgin, and probably gay.

I HOPE THEY ARE LOOKING FOR 30 SINGLE GUYS FOR HIM! THEY HAVENT DONE THAT YET ON BACHELOR IT WOULD BE GREAT! 

It would certainly be the most shocking season ever, since I doubt Fleiss has the balls to go for it. 

I'm curious what the overall reaction to Colton is but I don't dare venture out into the bigger Bachelor Nation as it terrifies me. I know the reaction here is very negative, but I'm pretty sure the sheep will keep watching and drink the Colton Cool-Aid and make for another successful season of the downfall of civilization as we once knew it. 

[thesupremediva1]

10 hours ago, MVFrostsMyPie said:

I suffer from anxiety and am prone to panic attacks, so I really didn't need to watch her hyperventilating a bazillion times. 

I was unable to relax and go to sleep after that shit show ended at 11 p.m. last night. I needed to watch a Seinfeld ep and laugh a bit and try to calm my pounding heart. I, too, am prone to both of those wonderful, life-ruining conditions, and between Chelsea and Christen, I might as well have watched Grey's Anatomy and picked up the Disease of the Week. BiP, you are supposed to be my safe place! No more talk of passing out and ringing ears. I have had enough vaso-vegal syncope episodes in my time that just hearing that made me reach for some Xanax and valerian root.

I muted most of Ashley and Jared, because UGH. But also because that was so rude to do to Kevin that I could not even begin to describe it. But dear Kevin should take heart, because Astrid is way hotter than Ashley and seems 10 times more mature and stable. Bullet? Dodged. 

Bye, Colton and Tia. No one expected you to last.

I am rooting so hard for Annalise but she just makes it difficult. She was so cool to Kamil's face and then just lost her mind for no reason. Kamil seems so vacant, and not worth any amount of investment or tears. He reminds me of this really hot guy I found on Tinder, who was a dead ringer for Jensen Ackles. Too bad this guy showed up in black sweats and told me his idea of a perfect day was one in which he never had to put pants on. He had, to quote Hermione Granger, the emotional range of teaspoon and nothing interesting to say. It was at that moment I realized looks cannot be everything - even with someone that hot. I hope Annalise gives herself enough love and credit to reach the same conclusion.

Edited September 4, 2018 by thesupremediva1

[RosieRose221]

13 hours ago, Kiss my mutt said:

If I never seen Colton blubbering away on tv it will be too soon.  

I KNOW I AM SO MAD HE IS THE BACHELOR 

[TomGirl]

1 hour ago, Stan39 said:

 

Never need Kendall’s opinion on anything ever again. 

She is quite the know-it-all, isn’t she?

[RosieRose221]

3 hours ago, TomGirl said:

So Colton is the next Bachelor.  Ugh.  What happened to Jason??

POOR JASON PROLLY GOT THE BOOT LAST MINUTE

2 hours ago, piewarmer said:

Overqualified.

GOOD POINT!

[SweetPotato]

33 minutes ago, Mabinogia said:

I'm curious what the overall reaction to Colton is but I don't dare venture out into the bigger Bachelor Nation as it terrifies me. I know the reaction here is very negative, but I'm pretty sure the sheep will keep watching and drink the Colton Cool-Aid and make for another successful season of the downfall of civilization as we once knew it. 

How can Colton possibly have enough relationship experience to be ready to get engaged to the next woman he dates? Whether on the Bachelor or in real life, I don’t see how Colton is ready for engagement and marriage.

But then, maybe that will be Colton’s Bachelor edit, his journey of emotional growth and maturity via dating 25 women.

I’d much rather watch Jason or grocery Joe.

[Wandering Snark]

I feel that at this time I must inform that Colton played "Tight End" professionally. Which makes me chuckle at the innuendo.

[RosieRose221]

2 hours ago, piewarmer said:

Overqualified

Sorry everyone if I offended anyone using all caps - i usually post while at work (shhhhhhhhhhhh) and my documentation I have to do for work is in all caps so sometimes i forget to switch it off. I was not yelling :( 

[Mahamid Frauded Me]

On only watched about 1/2 of this telenovela. Although I think between Angela & Tia, they broke the world record of using the word "like".  I actually liked Tia on her season with Ari and was routing for her, now I am glad she is gone, I thought at 1st I was tired of her Weiner accent, but it was more about her sheer desperation with Colton.  As stunning as Kendall is, she just needs to STFU.  Do you think the reason for Colton to dump Tia was because he knew he was going to be the next bachelor ?   

[Wandering Snark]

2 minutes ago, Mahamid Frauded Me said:

Do you think the reason for Colton to dump Tia was because he knew he was going to be the next bachelor ?

I think it played out exactly as TPTB scripted it to. If there is one guy that you know can follow a playbook it's former Tight End Colton.

[Mabinogia]

21 minutes ago, SweetPotato said:

But then, maybe that will be Colton’s Bachelor edit, his journey of emotional growth and maturity via dating 25 women.

And now we know why he was chosen. He has a "storyline". What would Jason's story have been? Devastated by losing Becca to that guy who won? That's old news and not much to hang a whole season on. Hell, she didn't even pull an "I pick you....psych! I pick the other guy", so they couldn't even do that. Plus Becca wasn't that popular so no one is going to want to hear about her for a whole other season. 

 

2 minutes ago, Mahamid Frauded Me said:

Do you think the reason for Colton to dump Tia was because he knew he was going to be the next bachelor ?   

That and I don't think he was remotely interested in her. He probably dated her the first time to get his foot in the Bachelor door, when she wasn't going to be Bachelorette he dumped her, when he got dumped by tBecca and realized no one in Paradise was going to touch him because Tia had called dibs, he tried again with her, then got the Bachlor gig and dumped her again. Tia is even more pathetic than Analiese, IMO. At least Analiese can sort of tell when the guy is over her and moves on to the next. Tia is all in with a guy who seems like he can barely tollerate her. 

[backformore]

2 hours ago, RosieRose221 said:

Hahahaahah! i thought that is  who Chris was going to bring back out that would have been hilarious! but instead it was bald new zealand guy

who did you think it would be?

[Mahamid Frauded Me]

I am still trying to figure out why the 3 hour episode, I was like good gawd there isnt enough miller lite in my fridge to get me through all of this.  Plus there is another 2 hours tonight, however this may stay on my DVR until Saturday, the Purge starts tonight and I want to see Conrad knock Hannah overboard

[b2H]

Colton as the Bachelor?

No, thanks.  I’m out.

[RosieRose221]

44 minutes ago, backformore said:

who did you think it would be?

I thought it was going to be colton lol Someone joked about Colton hiding behind palm tree until Tia left and then pop back out to meet more girls lol

[el diego]

When the Colton and Tia stuff was happening I pulled out my phone and began watching the US Open. Mrs. Diego did not begrudge me. I am really not looking forward to a Colton season, even though I like him a little more after this show. But I think that's only because I was comparing him to Tia.

Kevin and Astrid are the best couple because they are so normal. I recently watched the Canadian season of The Bachelor with Chris Leroux. Gosh, it is really jarring to see people on this show be sorta normal.

So now John invented Venmo!? I know he's not going around spreading that lie (he told Jubilee he didn't) but I'd be worried if I were him. You can't let that misinformation spread.

I don't really care about the Eric/Cassandra thing. Just don't have the energy.

Chelsea was being an absolute weiner. When she was having her panic attack, I admit I felt bad -- but only because I didn't care at all for her plight. She always seemed like a decent person and I think it was honestly a realization that the show finally got to her and she was being shitty -- to her kid, to her friend, and to herself.

I don't know what is up with Kamil. At first, on Becca's season, I thought he was trying to be a cool PUA with his 60/40 line, now I'm considering that he's just a super awkward weirdo. It would explain why he's into Annaliese. Another thing I don't understand about Kamil: why does he still have an accent? My brother was 6 years old when my family moved here from Poland and he doesn't have a trace. Heck, Kamil's accent is stronger than my uncle's, and he was around 14 years old. Maybe he grew up in a very Polish area of New York and didn't really speak English until much later because he didn't have to.

Edited September 4, 2018 by el diego

[nlkm9]

2 hours ago, JenE4 said:

Oh! Eric’s penis wasn’t “all in” Angela’s vagina. Now that conversation makes sense.

hahahaha ok my first big laugh. i just had a terrifying thought. what if they use Tia's heartbreak and she becomes the bachelorette??

[RosieRose221]

#Bachelornation is freaking out -not happy at all with the colton choice. Apparently Mike Fleiss tweeted "We hear you #bachelornation" but did you hear anyone Mike? Someone suggested doing two Bachelors Colton and Jason and letting women pick - like in Kaitlyn's season. Maybe he is listening to that suggestion please God!

Edited September 4, 2018 by RosieRose221

[zoomama]

1 hour ago, nlkm9 said:

hahahaha ok my first big laugh. i just had a terrifying thought. what if they use Tia's heartbreak and she becomes the bachelorette??

i wondered about that happening....

[LisainCali]

17 hours ago, Amy Beth said:

Why are none of the other women trying to de-escalate Annaliese? I’m 

Because it’s a full time job.

 

17 hours ago, Amy Beth said:

Why are none of the other women trying to de-escalate Annaliese?

Because it’s a full time job

[Mahamid Frauded Me]

1 hour ago, el diego said:

Chelsea was being an absolute weiner. When she was having her panic attack, I admit I felt bad -- but only because I didn't care at all for her plight. She always seemed like a decent person and I think it was honestly a realization that the show finally got to her and she was being shitty -- to her kid, to her friend, and to herself.

 

I think Chelsea is just surprised and upset she hasn't been "picked & licked" yet. She comes from a small town in Maine and probably is and has always been told she is the prettiest in her town/state and she is verklempt over having to go home, tail between her legs man-less yet again