S05.E08: Week 5: Part 1

[CindyBee]

1 minute ago, Caseysgirl said:

The boys are all jealous of nerdy John who has been on more dates than anyone and has been very careful to keep his options open.

Yeah they seem to be a bit peeved that he's living the high life.

Oh god, now Shu is crying over Kamil.   

[Ms Blue Jay]

This is a fucked up competition where whichever woman debases herself the most wins, and that's why Annalise comes out winning and Shu will lose.

[JenE4]

Now Shushanna is in love with Kamil and crying over him after one date?!? Oh, Kamil, you really know how to pick ‘em, bro.

[Armchair Critic]

Meh, I like a man with hair so I'll show myself out.......

[dizzyd]

I'm glad bibiana's already gone.

[Jax7917]

7 minutes ago, Wandering Snark said:

An actual fan base has never been important to them, the choice is alll about potential to create "The Most Talked About Bachelor Season Evar!" He's twice heartbroken, a virgin, and probably gay. (though he hasn't figured that that is the true reason a woman can never seem to 'fit' his life) So yes it doesn't matter if WE of all people care, it's the mindwashed millions out there in Bachelor Nation that matter.

I do think Colton is gay and that's why he is so frustrated with trying to please people his whole life and not being able to be himself .. I really don't care to see him as the bachelor and don't think he'd last past a month with anyone he'd choose . 

[Ms Blue Jay]

Colton is so inexperienced to be The Bachelor!  How is he ready to get married.  I'm not trying to disrespect any virgins, but he - specifically - seems like a total kid to me.

Wow, Chelsea listens to Annalise cry to her about Kamil and then goes after him, using that information.  Wooww wowowow.  I think Annalise is bonkers crazy but that's totally wrong, in my opinion.

Edited September 4, 2018 by Ms Blue Jay

[Armchair Critic]

At least Chelsea remembers she has a child unlike some of these people (cough AmandaStanton cough) but I think her being so straight forward and serious scares the Paradise type men away.

[dizzyd]

I think Colton should be TB as much as I think Dean should be. No! 

So is this RC happening today or not?

[Caseysgirl]

Oh, Chelsea, I didn’t see you as being a little bitch but maybe that’s why later on you have a panic attack ( as the previews kept showing).

[CindyBee]

6 minutes ago, dizzyd said:

So is this RC happening today or not?

Probably tomorrow night as we still need the medics to show up

[Ms Blue Jay]

11 minutes ago, Caseysgirl said:

Oh, Chelsea, I didn’t see you as being a little bitch but maybe that’s why later on you have a panic attack ( as the previews kept showing).

She's awful, over, cancelled, done!

[dizzyd]

Ah, we need a most dramatic RC ever. ?

Everytime they play that clip of Chelsea hyperventilating, I have to mute because I feel like it's affecting my breathing. 

Did all the ladies go a tassel earring convention?

Edited September 4, 2018 by dizzyd

[JenE4]

I LOVE that Chelsea is swooping in there to give Kamil an out and then preying on Annaliese’s insecurities! I’m sure a producer gave her this idea, but it’s brilliant. Now she’s back “looking out” for Kamil. I was thinking how did this girl manage to hang in there the entire season without ever having anyone romantically interested in her? But this is a great strategy. On rose night, look for the guy most likely to have reservations about his choice, and talk him into doubting everything.

[adhoc]

Oh please, Annaliese says Chelsea needs to let Kamil make up his own mind, yet Annaliese is determined not to let him have any opportunity to think about any possibility other than Annaliese. 

AFAIC, Chelsea is allowed to play this whole stupid game just as much as anyone else.  Annaliese staking her claim after a day with Kamil is ridiculous. 

[Armchair Critic]

Kamil seems detached, or more likely he is just a dud.

Looks like Cassandra dyed her part red along with her hair

[DEL901]

I thought Kevin put things very delicately when talking to Jordan when he was trying to explain why he was so upset...”I played an important role in her dating life” or some such.    It is probably also why he thought she really cared and wasn’t just using him to shake up Jared.

[Armchair Critic]

Well that didn't end well for Chelsea...

[Ms Blue Jay]

20 minutes ago, adhoc said:

AFAIC, Chelsea is allowed to play this whole stupid game just as much as anyone else.  Annaliese staking her claim after a day with Kamil is ridiculous. 

Sure she's allowed, and I can still dislike her and think that she's an awful person.  Nobody told her she had to listen to Annalise cry and then turn around and use that information to try and manipulate Kamil.  Even if a producer did, she's a spineless jellyfish if she'd actually listen.  AFAIC she also faked a panic attack to try and drive attention away from Christen too.

Edited September 4, 2018 by Ms Blue Jay

[Armchair Critic]

I knew Christen (Scallop Fingers) was not going to make it but didn't know she was the one with a medical emergency

Edited September 4, 2018 by Armchair Critic

[CindyBee]

Kevin the fireman to the rescue!

[JenE4]

You get an anxiety attack! And you get an anxiety attack! Anxiety attacks for all the rejects!

[CindyBee]

Just now, JenE4 said:

You get an anxiety attack! And you get an anxiety attack! Anxiety attacks for all the rejects!

Hahahahhaahaha

Knowing who Chelsea has been seeing since filming makes her anxiety attack a little less as she went right back into the reject dating pool, like a complete idiot

[TiredMe]

Just now, CindyBee said:

Knowing who Chelsea has been seeing since filming makes her anxiety attack a little less as she went right back into the reject dating pool, like a complete idiot

What? Who?

[Mu Shu]

Poor scallop fingers.  And poor shushanna.  All that clunky hair has to give her a headache, and now she’s being accused of witch craft.  

[Amy Beth]

Chelsea played that so wrong. She should have told Kamil how much she was looking forward to attending his upcoming wedding to Annaliese.

[Caseysgirl]

My cable went out right after Chelsea started walking with Kamil - can anyone tell me what Happened?

[Stan39]

2 minutes ago, CindyBee said:

Hahahahhaahaha

Knowing who Chelsea has been seeing since filming makes her anxiety attack a little less as she went right back into the reject dating pool, like a complete idiot

Who has Chelsea been seeing??

[CindyBee]

Just now, TiredMe said:

What? Who?

Sorry, didn't edit in the guys name before hitting send.

She's been with track suit wearing Nick who left at the first rose ceremony.  

[adhoc]

What I enjoyed tonight:

• Astrid telling Kevin that she'd thought about her feelings and that she realized she loved him
• Kevin saying that he knew he was not in Astrid's league

I don't even know what's real and what's fake or as-good-as-fake on this show any more--though I think most of it's fake or manipulated out the wazoo--but I'm really buying the Kevin and Astrid relationship. 

[Stan39]

4 minutes ago, CindyBee said:

Sorry, didn't edit in the guys name before hitting send.

She's been with track suit wearing Nick who left at the first rose ceremony.  

???. The guy who tried to make out with her on the daybed?! Why do women end up with guys like that? She could do soooo much better. I mean, just staying single for the rest of her life would be better. 

[AllyCat]

1 hour ago, dizzyd said:

So was Ashley losing her virginity to Kevin the reason she suddenly became appealing to Jared? 

100%.  

[Kiss my mutt]

If I never seen Colton blubbering away on tv it will be too soon.  

[chocolatine]

So Eric is one of those people for whom something is true "in that moment" but not generally. I avoid those people like the plague. I was loving Cassandra for calling him out on his BS, but then she ruined it by accepting his rose.

Ashley hobbling along the beach in her stilettos was priceless. That's the woman who brings a trunk full of makeup on a tropical vacation. I thought the way Kevin emphasized that he was an important part of Ashley's life is confirmation that they had sex.

Annaliese is so pathetic, I hope she has someone in her life - a real friend, not one from the "Bachelor Family" - who will stage an intervention after watching her on BIP.

I love that when Kristen said she might have to throw up, Astrid was right at her side to hold back her hair. And when Kristen had to sit down because she was dizzy, Kevin went straight into firefighter mode. Nice to see that not all decent human traits disappear in "Paradise".

[hookedontv]

31 minutes ago, dizzyd said:

Did all the ladies go a tassel earring convention?

This. I’m dead. 

[Fable]

1 hour ago, JenE4 said:

Jenna: “Anything can happen if you pursue it—mercilessly—over the years.” Ha!

This should be great news for Benoit and Annaliese.  Stalkers of the world unite!  

[bequialife]

Quote

I've known Colton 6 months now....

 

Oh.....oooohhhhhh....a whole 6 months and how long was he on Bachelorette as well where they didn't even see each other nor communicate.

Their relationship was never stable

[Wandering Snark]

Almost forgot amongst all the drahhhhmaaa that Jordan finally gave us (and remedied first hand!) Chris' tragic hairline issue we'd mentioned previously!

Man that panic attack Chelsea was having was one of those "I finally realize what I've become" kind of breakdowns. It was not pretty watching her go back and forth 'bull in a china shop' style between her 'friend' Annaliese and the guy she's interested in. I mean holy shit, of all people to suddenly run after for a rose when you know how desperate Annaliese is? Nice choice. What. A. Bitch. And here we were all wondering why Chelsea isn't connecting with anyone.

ETA: bequialife I forgot how hard I laughed about that one but one of eyes is stuck back in my head still rolling. But to be fair 6 months is a long time! In Bachelor Time, as we see, every day is called a 'week', it's kind of like dog years.

Edited September 4, 2018 by Wandering Snark

[bequialife]

3 hours ago, dizzyd said:

That Jordan john segment was highlarious!?

Love those moments, more natural, and funny!!

[escatefromny]

55 minutes ago, Stan39 said:

???. The guy who tried to make out with her on the daybed?! Why do women end up with guys like that? She could do soooo much better. I mean, just staying single for the rest of her life would be better. 

Because he has a profession and a place in Florida for cold Maine winters.  Chelsea was awful on Arie’s season and just as awful here.

[SHD]

"American Jordan. Other Jordan."

That made me laugh. Well done, Harrison.

[TVGlow]

2 hours ago, Mu Shu said:

This is a boring fucking season.  Thanks Corrine and Demario for being punk asses who couldn’t handle their booze and ruining it for all of us. 

And the upstanding citizen/producer that made the big deal about it to begin with.

[TVGlow]

It took me a while to get the joke, but did y'all catch Kamil's byline of "Ex-Social Media Participant"? It popped up during his interview after Shushanna confessed she stalked him on Instagram.

Colton can't be the Bachelor. When he was crying, I felt like I was watching an enormous toddler. He is sometimes hot and sometimes a toddler. Like the Seinfeld episode with the sometimes attractive, sometimes hideous woman.

[TomGirl]

4 hours ago, dizzyd said:

Eta: autocorrect made Annalise into Anal lice ?

OMG, that is too funny!

[bequialife]

2 hours ago, Wandering Snark said:

Almost forgot amongst all the drahhhhmaaa that Jordan finally gave us (and remedied first hand!) Chris' tragic hairline issue we'd mentioned previously!

Man that panic attack Chelsea was having was one of those "I finally realize what I've become" kind of breakdowns. It was not pretty watching her go back and forth 'bull in a china shop' style between her 'friend' Annaliese and the guy she's interested in. I mean holy shit, of all people to suddenly run after for a rose when you know how desperate Annaliese is? Nice choice. What. A. Bitch. And here we were all wondering why Chelsea isn't connecting with anyone.

ETA: bequialife I forgot how hard I laughed about that one but one of eyes is stuck back in my head still rolling. But to be fair 6 months is a long time! In Bachelor Time, as we see, every day is called a 'week', it's kind of like dog years.

"Dog years" - good one!

[mertensia]

Christen: I was on last year.

Me, trying to remember: I don't remember a Christen.

TV: She was called Scallop fingers.

Me, brightening up:  Oh, right! Her! 

 

Yeah, Colton needs to do some serious soul searching. I don't know if he's gay or asexual or what, but he needs to sit down and think about his desires, and not what his family et alia think he should want.

 

Speaking of relationships, who on here said that Jared and Ashley I reminded them of people they knew where she pursued a guy who wasn't interested until he gave up and married her? You get the Prescient Award.

 

These gals. I swear an alien watching this would think in between shows the gals  go into stasis. Get out of the bubble. Join a group. If you're religious try church. Do something. Anything.

[MVFrostsMyPie]

Chelsea, you live in Maine and you're not willing to relocate/can't relocate because of your child. Do you reallllllly think finding someone on the Bachelor franchise would work out for you? And that they'd want to move to Maine? Also I'm annoyed with the show "teasing" her panic attack so many times. I suffer from anxiety and am prone to panic attacks, so I really didn't need to watch her hyperventilating a bazillion times. 

Someone please tell me Annaliese has gotten a hair makeover by now. I can't be bothered to try to find these people's instagrams, then it's like as bad as falling into a youtube blackhole where you end up looking at 500 pictures of some random person and you don't even know how you ended up on there. 

I just don't understand how Colton being the Bachelor is possible because the dude is incapable of expressing himself and stringing a coherent sentence together. If he can't communicate, he'll never have a successful relationship. Also I don't find him attractive at all and he looks bloated and puffy. 

I can't believe how emotional these women get over men they've known for like 7 days at most at this point, although half of them are really 1-2 days old. Oops, except for the extremely long time of 6 months for Coltia. They cry over these dudes like they've dated them for 2 years instead. And half of them haven't even slept together yet, right? I assume they'd make a bigger deal of going to the boom boom room, and it wouldn't make the fantasy suites as "climactic" if they're already humping every night.

[EllenB]

These are some rough-ass looking ninth graders at whatever summer camp show this is.

Wait, wait -- they're adults?  Shoot me now.

[Shades of Scarlet]

Wow, what an awful look for Chelsea.  Assuredly producer-driven, but that was absolutely terrible.  BTW, walk into any bar in Maine on any night.  You'll have about a thousand numbers in about two weeks.  But stop being such a horrible person meanwhile.  

I do not find Shush-anna remotely attractive.  

Christen seemed fun as she did before.  She was hosed by the timing.  

I have no memory of this Jordan dude from Winter Games but he oozes tool.  

ETA: Shut up, Wells.  

Edited September 4, 2018 by Shades of Scarlet

[PhysNerd]

3 hours ago, mertensia said:

Christen: I was on last year.

Me, trying to remember: I don't remember a Christen.

TV: She was called Scallop fingers.

Me, brightening up:  Oh, right! Her! 

 

Yeah, Colton needs to do some serious soul searching. I don't know if he's gay or asexual or what, but he needs to sit down and think about his desires, and not what his family et alia think he should want.

 

Speaking of relationships, who on here said that Jared and Ashley I reminded them of people they knew where she pursued a guy who wasn't interested until he gave up and married her? You get the Prescient Award.

 

These gals. I swear an alien watching this would think in between shows the gals  go into stasis. Get out of the bubble. Join a group. If you're religious try church. Do something. Anything.

Why does everyone automatically think he's gay? Because he's a virgin? Because he doesn't like Tia and is a people pleaser? A lot of married men and a lot of promiscuous single men are gay, so having multiple sexual partners doesn't cement one's sexual orientation.  Honestly, you can't really determine someone's sexual orientation in most cases.  

I do not know his sexual orientation nor do I know him personally, but based strictly on his public actions, it seems like he really isn't interested in a relationship right now.  He is a famewhore and will do whatever it takes to get on tv. Building a career in entertainment seems to be his focus right now. That's why he dates women who are semi-famous.  If he could get away with dating an A-list actress, then he would, but most would not give him the time of day.  The strategy has worked though; he is definitely getting the Bachelor edit.  If he does become the Bachelor, then he will be the star of the show and have many women to choose from.  He'll probably choose one woman (eventually) in the end, date her for a few months and then dump her.