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The Duggars and Their World: Fashion, Food, Finance, Schoolin’ and Child Rearin'


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Watching shows like "Escaping Polygamy" really strike a chord with me in how similar these families are to Duggarism.  Women are property, subservience and total obedience , husbands as "gods" of their family, arranged marriage, no one leaves, segregation from the outside world, shunning apostates.  The list goes on and on.  Im sorry, God did not intend for his children to live their lives like this.  If you follow Christian teaching, we are given free will.  Groups like this remove that idea in the name of keeping their flock under control.  And perpetuating benefit flow to the leaders.  Because that's what I take away from what Jim Bob teaches his family. Follow me and do for me.

Edited by Lady Edith
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7 minutes ago, Lady Edith said:

Watching shows like "Escaping Polygamy" really strike a chord with me in how similar these families are to Duggarism.  Women are property, subservience and total obedience , husbands as "gods" of their family, arranged marriage, no one leaves, segregation from the outside world, shunning apostates.  The list goes on and on.  Im sorry, God did not intend for his children to live their lives like this.  

If you ever read any of the memoirs by former FLDS women, the parallels between their cult and Gothard are frightening. 

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4 minutes ago, BitterApple said:

If you ever read any of the memoirs by former FLDS women, the parallels between their cult and Gothard are frightening. 

I have read a few.  I gained a small interest in these stories after watching "Escaping Polygamy" and HBO's "Big Love".  It's shocking how women and children are treated.  Families in abject poverty.  More children born that can realistically be supported.  Abuses all in the name of personal glory under the guise of "doing it for God".  According to what I've read, the goal of having a polygamist family is to grow the heavenly kingdom of the family head.  The more children born into it, the bigger the head's kingdom grows in Heaven.  Sounds like quiverfull borrowed a leaf from this notebook.  It has nothing to do with God and everything to do with building kingdoms.  What's truly dangerous about this way of thinking (from a Christian perspective) is that it places a man on equal footing with God.  Not exactly what Christians are directed to do...

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On 10/7/2016 at 8:52 PM, SometimesBites said:

I was part of a heavy-duty (non-Gothard) Christian cult-ish group from my mid-teens through my early twenties. When I was a senior in high school, I lived in one of this group's many communal houses. The "house heads" were a middle-aged couple. They had four daughters, and I was close friends with the next to the youngest. The oldest daughter was married and had a little baby, but the rest of the girls (ages 17, 18, and 11-ish) were disciplined with corporal punishment. There was a story whispered about among many of us that their mother had once taken the whipping in the intended daughter's place, arguing that just as Christ took our punishment, she wanted to stand in the gap for the daughter (for whatever reason).

Daddy as ersatz god. Even as a starry-eyed believer, I found this to be terrifically bizarre.

Sorry, I can't get rid of the quote!

I'm having trouble copying and pasting, but over on life is not all pickles and hairspray, there is a photo of Jill spoon-feeding 18 month old Izzy TOMATO SAUCE, STRAIGHT FROM THE CAN!!! Who in the entire world would ever eat straight up tomato sauce?  It makes my gut hurt, just looking!

I know Jana fed a baby cold peas straight from the can, but sauce???! She even makes sure the can is turned towards the camera so the whole world can see!  Izzy no longer needed purees!

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But, isn't tomato sauce from the can a purée? We've seen Izzy eat a plate of fried food. Who in the Sam Hill feeds a child tomato sauce out of the can? Unless Izzy wanted to try it and he was curious.

if Jilly Moonbeam Muffin and Manbun Doofus Dullard hadn't already been poster children for questionable parenting, I'd give her a pass.

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44 minutes ago, Arwen Evenstar said:

But, isn't tomato sauce from the can a purée? We've seen Izzy eat a plate of fried food. Who in the Sam Hill feeds a child tomato sauce out of the can? Unless Izzy wanted to try it and he was curious.

if Jilly Moonbeam Muffin and Manbun Doofus Dullard hadn't already been poster children for questionable parenting, I'd give her a pass.

You are my new favorite person in the entire world. Jilly Moonbeam? Manbun Doofus? Will you be my BFF???

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2 minutes ago, Westiepeach said:

You are my new favorite person in the entire world. Jilly Moonbeam? Manbun Doofus? Will you be my BFF???

I'd be honored.  As long as you know I can't take credit for Jilly Moonbeam. Derick has been given many names.  Sort of like Endora calling Darrin "Derweed"...

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I have an unhealthy love for pasta and sauce, but I can't fathom eating the sauce straight, let alone feeding it to a small child that way. As a general rule, I'm so used to the Duggars being batshit crazy that I tend not to be surprised by much they do, but that photo did leave me flabbergasted. 

Edited by Zella
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6 hours ago, Arwen Evenstar said:

But, isn't tomato sauce from the can a purée? We've seen Izzy eat a plate of fried food. Who in the Sam Hill feeds a child tomato sauce out of the can? Unless Izzy wanted to try it and he was curious.

if Jilly Moonbeam Muffin and Manbun Doofus Dullard hadn't already been poster children for questionable parenting, I'd give her a pass.

Hunts makes spaghetti sauce that comes in a can. It is more affordable than those fancy kinds in jars ?

Oh wait. I posted that before is saw the kid eating straight tomato sauce. Reflux, here I come!

Edited by Tabbygirl521
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2 hours ago, Zella said:

I have an unhealthy love for pasta and sauce, but I can't fathom eating the sauce straight, let alone feeding it to a small child that way. As a general rule, I'm so used to the Duggars being batshit crazy that I tend not to be surprised by much they do, but that photo did leave me flabbergasted. 

That's a pretty acidic food she is spoon feeding Izzy.  And I can't fathom eating food out of a can like that.

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She had so many options; not post the picture, heat up the 'sauce' and serve it with some bread, or not feed her child cold sauce out of a tin can. Its not like she was camping. My goodness, isn't he like 18 months old? Why isn't he eating regular ole solid food, and why isn't he feeding himself?

Or maybe #poorplanning #hungrykid #needtogroceryshop 

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2 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

She had so many options; not post the picture, heat up the 'sauce' and serve it with some bread, or not feed her child cold sauce out of a tin can. Its not like she was camping. My goodness, isn't he like 18 months old? Why isn't he eating regular ole solid food, and why isn't he feeding himself?

Or maybe #poorplanning #hungrykid #needtogroceryshop 

Perhaps they are "preparing" him to survive in end times. People who ascribe to those beliefs often have cellars full of canned food. Sorry, kid, you gotta learn to eat it cold....

If they are supposedly so "right with God", why are they worried about being stuck here eating cold crap out of cans? Everything I've read about end times seems to indicate otherwise.

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9 hours ago, awaken said:

So bizarre. I just don't understand the randomness and pointlessness of the photos they post. Why would anyone share this tidbit?

They do this to tell us see we are the same as you are. See we do things just like you do.

Edited by Rabbittron
No coffee yet.
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On 10/8/2016 at 11:00 AM, Lady Edith said:

Watching shows like "Escaping Polygamy" really strike a chord with me in how similar these families are to Duggarism.  Women are property, subservience and total obedience , husbands as "gods" of their family, arranged marriage, no one leaves, segregation from the outside world, shunning apostates.  The list goes on and on.  Im sorry, God did not intend for his children to live their lives like this.  If you follow Christian teaching, we are given free will.  Groups like this remove that idea in the name of keeping their flock under control.  And perpetuating benefit flow to the leaders.  Because that's what I take away from what Jim Bob teaches his family. Follow me and do for me.

And this is why it bothers the hell out of me that people buy into the fantasy vision of this horror that TLC and the Duggars present. There's no way that every single one of the Duggar kidlets and kidults doesn't have various horrible dysfunctions and life disadvantages and warpings.

But because of the way they present it, the whole hideous approach to life gets normalized. People cooing and crowing over the cute cute cute babies and how Jinge and Jer are truly in love and Jinge will have the Big O on her wedding night and how Jana has sneaked out to have a romantic affair with some guy she met while going out for cocktails with friends she met and how she's really in charge now and getting money from JIzm Bob to pretend she's on the show and how fun it would be to watch Jessa and Ben and Jinge and Jer live the fun life of regular young marrieds in Laredo and, oh, I hope they get really pretty bridesmaids' gowns!

None of this stuff can actually be true in the way that people from normal families and non-tyrannies imagine. I know because I've spent my whole damned life seeing how vanishingly little people from backgrounds that aren't like this can or will ever understand about what these situations are like and what they do to kids who grow up in them. But because the people from the normal backgrounds are most people, the evil that Jim Bob and Gothard do and have done is completely papered over and whitewashed. The audience doesn't intend that to happen, but the Duggars, and the Gothard cult and TLC do intend it, and so they succeed in whitewashing it because they make it look cute.

And while that's bad for the cause of truth it's even worse for the Duggar kids. Because as long as the world at least semi-believes at least some of the cute fantasy -- and even most "hatewatchers" seem to be sucked in by it at least to the degree that, as they watch, they aren't really able to keep in mind how deeply these kids have to be damaged by it -- the Duggarlings have very little shot of understanding their own plight. If they get any funny, rebellious ideas, the fact that most of the world at least kinda sorta buys the idea that their life is adorable and hasn't deeply harmed them intellectually, psychologically, sexually, spiritually etc. etc. then they're going to end up squelching their questioning because the weight of the world's opinion is against it.

It's an example of the terrible harm that innocent-seeming propaganda and irresponsible media can do. And the Dugg kids are suffering terribly from it -- because the money they get from that show would never ever be compensation for having the soul-destroying they've experienced to continue unabated -- and in a way that discourages them from questioning it -- no matter what arguments people can make about how they "need" the show for financial reasons.

11 hours ago, Kokapetl said:

How can Jill be so seemingly bad at this? 

Because her role model was Michelle Duggar?

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50 minutes ago, Churchhoney said:

And this is why it bothers the hell out of me that people buy into the fantasy vision of this horror that TLC and the Duggars present. There's no way that every single one of the Duggar kidlets and kidults doesn't have various horrible dysfunctions and life disadvantages and warpings.

But because of the way they present it, the whole hideous approach to life gets normalized. People cooing and crowing over the cute cute cute babies and how Jinge and Jer are truly in love and Jinge will have the Big O on her wedding night and how Jana has sneaked out to have a romantic affair with some guy she met while going out for cocktails with friends she met and how she's really in charge now and getting money from JIzm Bob to pretend she's on the show and how fun it would be to watch Jessa and Ben and Jinge and Jer live the fun life of regular young marrieds in Laredo and, oh, I hope they get really pretty bridesmaids' gowns!

None of this stuff can actually be true in the way that people from normal families and non-tyrannies imagine. I know because I've spent my whole damned life seeing how vanishingly little people from backgrounds that aren't like this can or will ever understand about what these situations are like and what they do to kids who grow up in them. But because the people from the normal backgrounds are most people, the evil that Jim Bob and Gothard do and have done is completely papered over and whitewashed. The audience doesn't intend that to happen, but the Duggars, and the Gothard cult and TLC do intend it, and so they succeed in whitewashing it because they make it look cute.

And while that's bad for the cause of truth it's even worse for the Duggar kids. Because as long as the world at least semi-believes at least some of the cute fantasy -- and even most "hatewatchers" seem to be sucked in by it at least to the degree that, as they watch, they aren't really able to keep in mind how deeply these kids have to be damaged by it -- the Duggarlings have very little shot of understanding their own plight. If they get any funny, rebellious ideas, the fact that most of the world at least kinda sorta buys the idea that their life is adorable and hasn't deeply harmed them intellectually, psychologically, sexually, spiritually etc. etc. then they're going to end up squelching their questioning because the weight of the world's opinion is against it.

 

This is doubtless very true. I never actually watched the show before discovering and getting sucked into this forum, and even though I've been here for a while now I've still only watched a scant handful of episodes. I was vaguely aware of the Duggars before, but never had any interest in watching because I knew they were Fundy and I know that I find that irritating to start with, but even though I had no doubt that I'd disagree with the bulk of their lifestyle, the few clips I'd seen of them always made me smile in reply to the screen. Not because they made me feel happy, but just as an instinctive mirroring sort of response. There was always an uncomfortable feeling of disconnect in finding myself smiling when I knew I was actually bristling at the same time. Because there's nothing there at first glance which would make one think there was anything there but a happy family, worthy more of emulation than scorn. And until you dig deeper, it's even easy to fall into thinking that they are surely not that bad and that you are the one at fault for being overly critical just because you don't agree with their faith and philosophy. It's a very effective white-wash.

That's why I love that we have people here who DO have first-hand experience of that lifestyle and the damage it can do. The validation that there is reason behind that feeling that all cannot be as peachy as portrayed on the screen is more than just personally satisfying. I would hope that enough of it from various corners might, ultimately, somehow reach into some of these families and compounds and  open chinks into the minds of at least a few people trapped inside. Obviously it CAN (very occasionally) happen; the trick is how to make it happen a bit more often

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Panic doesn't just belong to Jill. I remembered reading this a few months ago, about the fear of the other increasingly instilled by this crowd and how it emotionally rips up another young woman from this background:

https://homeschoolersanonymous.org/2016/07/12/savannahs-story-republicanity-or-when-politics-is-your-religion/

"The liberals want to kill unborn babies. The liberals want to jail men for acting on their natural desires when a slut prances around them with her tits out. The liberals want to squash Christians’ free speech and arrest us for calling out sin. He pointed to cases like lawsuits brought forth by same-sex couples that were refused services. How the media and internet vilified the poor business owner just trying to practice her beliefs in peace. How she could go to jail for her faith.

"All of it proof that the era in which we’d enjoyed the luxury of a persecution-free life in America was coming to a terrifying close.

"I remember being taken to a walk-through drama in sixth grade. The theme, “End Times.” It wasn’t particularly political, which, looking back on it now, was rather unusual for the denomination—and the topic. I don’t remember much about this drama (it was traumatic for a number of reasons), but I do recall that in this near-future, fictional but supposedly soon to be non-fiction setting, Christians were being slaughtered. I saw one actress play a young woman who stole bread from a garbage can because Christians were not allowed to buy food. She was discovered, and given a choice, just like all the others: abandon her faith—conform—or die. The stage lights went out as we heard a gunshot and her scream.

"This was where we were headed, my pastor said. If we continued to let the liberal world win, it would come sooner—but if we resisted, we might be able to push it off long enough for us, and our children, to live in peace.

"This was our culture war, and our side of the fight was not only divinely sanctioned, but vital to our own survival. The trademark of a cult is an aversion to the outside world. We and only we are your friends. We keep you safe. Everyone else is the enemy. Everyone else will kill you....

"As I grew up and branched out of the sheltered homeschool world, I was met with things that challenged the political views that were beaten into me as a requirement for Heaven—and this experience terrified me. At times it made me suicidal....

"Some adults may genuinely believe that the rest of the world is out to persecute them, and the rest may just be bigots, but children—children are oblivious. Innocent. Children are told what to believe and they believe it until they learn to question when they are older, if at all. When you tell a young child that a certain kind of person wants to kill them, they do not have the ability to think it through and weigh the evidence. They simply trust you.

"I cannot speak for all people raised in such an environment. While I learned to abandon my conservative ideas in favor of what I thought was right (which will never include discriminating against any kind of person), I’ve mostly kept my faith—and reconciling these two things is nigh impossible. I still have panic attacks. I’m still afraid."

It’s been three years since I left the cult, but I’m still suffering.

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2 hours ago, Churchhoney said:

Panic doesn't just belong to Jill. I remembered reading this a few months ago, about the fear of the other increasingly instilled by this crowd and how it emotionally rips up another young woman from this background:

https://homeschoolersanonymous.org/2016/07/12/savannahs-story-republicanity-or-when-politics-is-your-religion/

"The liberals want to kill unborn babies. The liberals want to jail men for acting on their natural desires when a slut prances around them with her tits out. The liberals want to squash Christians’ free speech and arrest us for calling out sin. He pointed to cases like lawsuits brought forth by same-sex couples that were refused services. How the media and internet vilified the poor business owner just trying to practice her beliefs in peace. How she could go to jail for her faith.

"All of it proof that the era in which we’d enjoyed the luxury of a persecution-free life in America was coming to a terrifying close.

"I remember being taken to a walk-through drama in sixth grade. The theme, “End Times.” It wasn’t particularly political, which, looking back on it now, was rather unusual for the denomination—and the topic. I don’t remember much about this drama (it was traumatic for a number of reasons), but I do recall that in this near-future, fictional but supposedly soon to be non-fiction setting, Christians were being slaughtered. I saw one actress play a young woman who stole bread from a garbage can because Christians were not allowed to buy food. She was discovered, and given a choice, just like all the others: abandon her faith—conform—or die. The stage lights went out as we heard a gunshot and her scream.

"This was where we were headed, my pastor said. If we continued to let the liberal world win, it would come sooner—but if we resisted, we might be able to push it off long enough for us, and our children, to live in peace.

"This was our culture war, and our side of the fight was not only divinely sanctioned, but vital to our own survival. The trademark of a cult is an aversion to the outside world. We and only we are your friends. We keep you safe. Everyone else is the enemy. Everyone else will kill you....

"As I grew up and branched out of the sheltered homeschool world, I was met with things that challenged the political views that were beaten into me as a requirement for Heaven—and this experience terrified me. At times it made me suicidal....

"Some adults may genuinely believe that the rest of the world is out to persecute them, and the rest may just be bigots, but children—children are oblivious. Innocent. Children are told what to believe and they believe it until they learn to question when they are older, if at all. When you tell a young child that a certain kind of person wants to kill them, they do not have the ability to think it through and weigh the evidence. They simply trust you.

"I cannot speak for all people raised in such an environment. While I learned to abandon my conservative ideas in favor of what I thought was right (which will never include discriminating against any kind of person), I’ve mostly kept my faith—and reconciling these two things is nigh impossible. I still have panic attacks. I’m still afraid."

It’s been three years since I left the cult, but I’m still suffering.

Aw Churchie...this makes me so glad I was raised Catholic because one can just drift away from it and no one notices.

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On 10/27/2016 at 7:58 AM, Churchhoney said:

 

It’s been three years since I left the cult, but I’m still suffering.

What a frightening look behind the curtain.

And what I quoted breaks my heart.

Some seem to have made tremendous strides in breaking the bonds and educating themselves. I would guess that it's painful to spread the word about these cults masquerading as religion.

I hope they find peace. 

Edited by NewDigs
Changed main directive, my bad.
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Those were all quotes from the article linked.

I think with Jill many people see her through the lens of their lives not the life that Jill has lived. 

Edited by Absolom
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3 hours ago, NewDigs said:

What a frightening look behind the curtain.

And what I quoted breaks my heart.

You seem to have made tremendous strides in breaking the bonds and educating yourself. I would guess that it's painful to spread the word about these cults masquerading as religion.

I hope you find peace. 

Not me. From an article about somebody with the personality to be spooked as heck by being told as a kid that the whole world is arrayed against her beliefs.

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3 hours ago, Absolom said:

Those were all quotes from the article linked.

I think with Jill many people see her through the lens og their lives not the life that Jill has lived. 

Don't we all do this with most human situations, though, especially when we can't examine them firsthand?

It's entertainment television. Thus, it's literature. And I don't think there's any other way to discuss literature than to look at the details and see what they suggest to people who are seeing through the lenses of many different backgrounds.  I actually think that, if you look at what all the different lenses are interpreting or noticing, you probably can arrive at some kind of truths from doing that. I'm not interested in snarking for its own sake, so that's what interests me!  Obviously, MMV!

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That's interesting since it seems most of your posts are trying to get people to understand the world Jill lives in.  I think that very frequently her world view is completely missed and people expect her to behave as I or you or they would.  Jill doesn't possess a frame of reference for that in my opinion and somehow I'd gained the impression that was your view also. Oops.

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10 hours ago, Absolom said:

That's interesting since it seems most of your posts are trying to get people to understand the world Jill lives in.  I think that very frequently her world view is completely missed and people expect her to behave as I or you or they would.  Jill doesn't possess a frame of reference for that in my opinion and somehow I'd gained the impression that was your view also. Oops.

Well, that just means I don't write all that clearly when I'm rambling about a teevee show online! No surprise there.

Edited by Churchhoney
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Okay, blame this on insomnia. I was wondering if any of the Duggar kids are going to match their parents' mega-breeding stats. I looked up the ages of the family and did some figuring. Just looking at the kidults aged 20 and older, it looks like JB and Michelle will remain the champs of fecundity that they're so proud to be.

BTW, though IIRC they married when Michelle wasn't quite 18, their first child was born when JB was 22 and Michelle was 21. I think they had a few years to settle into marriage, and they used birth control. Of course, they've now indoctrinated their kids to believe that birth control was a mistake and evil, so their three married kids have pretty much rushed into parenthood right after marriage. 

So, here's some of my idle figuring:

  • Josh is 28. By age 28, JB had six kids including one set of twins. Josh has four kids, so he and Anna are one pregnancy behind the Duggars.
  • Jana and JD are 26. By age 26 their mother had delivered five kids (including twins - so let's say each of them is now four kids behind the curve).
  • Jill's 25, with one 18 month old and not pregnant again yet. She's already two pregnancies behind her mother, who'd had four kids (three pregnancies) by age 24.
  • Jessa's 23. She had one baby a day before she turned 23, and is expecting her next one in February when she'll be 24. She's only one pregnancy behind her mother at this point.
  • Jinger's 22, soon to wed, and she'll turn 23 in December. She should be pregnant by then, which would put her only one pregancy behind her mother if she delivers before she turns 24. 
  • Joseph is 21, not married. By age 21 his mother had delivered one kid, but his dad was 22 when Josh was born so I'll give him a pass on this. He needs to get busy though.
  • Adding it up: Josh has a deficit of 1, JD and Jana are at minus four each (total 8), Jill's deficit is 2, Jessa's is 1, and Jinger's projected deficit is 1. That's a total of 13. Meaning that if the older Duggar kids had matched their parents in having babies, there would be 13 more Duggar grandchildren than the current total of 6. I really didn't realize this until I worked it out, but there possibly sorta coulda been 19 grandchildren by now. 

I'm FINE with the Duggar kids not reproducing like bunnies, BTW. I just was wondering what the numbers would look like if the kids were as fecund as their parents. 

BTW, a fan wiki notes only one home birth for Michelle: Joseph. So unlike her two married daughters, Michelle's standard practice was to have her babies delivered in a hospital by medical professionals. Which I'm sure was a big factor in Michelle being able to carry so many pregnancies to term and safe deliveries. Jessa and Jill need to get a clue, like yesterday, if they want to avoid any more near-disastrous delivery experiences like the one each of them has had. I have a horrible feeling that neither of them learned a damned thing from those births, and can only hope that I'm wrong and they won't again endanger themselves or their babies like they did the first time.

Edited/updated to add that @Sew Sumi - who knows this stuff - says that Michelle had two home births: Jinger and Joseph. Still, two out of all those pregnancies/deliveries isn't all that many. Michelle had medical care and hospital deliveries throughout her childbearing years even with two home births. Too bad her married daughters aren't having that.

So now, everybody, send me your good wishes for no more insomnia and no more silly posts like this. 

Edited by Jeeves
Update Michelle's home birth data
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2 hours ago, Sew Sumi said:

Jinger was also born at home. In one of the old specials, she's in a bedroom full of clothes and states she was born there.

Which explains why she's the Duggar fashionista. But most of the rest of them were born in hospitals. Which explains why they're all pursuing education and careers in the medical field. Oh...wait....

I try to picture having all those kids with not one that I could talk about as an aspiring skilled craftsman pursuing an apprenticeship in x or a college student finally decided on his or her major in y and excited about a summer internship in the field. .... And I think -- Wow, I would probably be kinda depressed about how my kids didn't seem to have any passions or ambitions. I guess it's just as well they don't seem to talk to relatives or neighbors or whatever, since most other people in JB and M's age bracket do share that kind of thing about their kids. The conversations would be ... odd ....

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I feel my knowledge and perspective is really enhanced by my listening to National Public Radio.  I've listened for many years, learned so much, and it helped nudge me away from preconceived attitudes acquired from my upbringing.  

It saddens me that no Duggar will ever change their preconceived perceptions since they never listen to radio, reads (non-religious)book, or talk to people not just like them.

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4 minutes ago, BitterApple said:

 That open trash bin must smell lovely.

You know what? It probably doesn't.  And you know why?  Because they have to empty that trash can 5 times a day because of all the garbage they generate!  It doesn't have time to develop a smell.

Damn disposable dishes.  It really ticks me off!

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