Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[Shannon L.]

Not every new mother is sad to leave her little one to go back to work when maternity leave is over.  Not everyone is sad when their kid starts going to school because they just loved having them around all day.  Not everyone goes through empty nest syndrome when their last kid leaves home.  And none of those three things means that the person loves their kid any less than someone who does go through those periods of sadness.

[Bastet]

27 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

Not every new mother is sad to leave her little one to go back to work when maternity leave is over.

Do we ever see a woman who's just content to be doing her job and having adult conversation again and then having mom/baby time evenings and weekends (you know, like the man has been doing all along with no one questioning his devotion to fatherhood)?

30 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

Not everyone is sad when their kid starts going to school because they just loved having them around all day. 

I liked that Modern Family twisted that around, with Phil being the one bummed the kids were going back to school and Claire looking forward to having some time to herself.  It especially made sense in their case, as she was a SAHM mom then -- summer meant she never had a break!  And she wasn't a cliché in the opposite direction, hating every minute of summer and constantly snapping at everyone because of the chaos of three kids at home, either.  

[Lugal]

Whenever a female character falls into modeling, she's scouted one week and walking the runways the next (because she's always a runway model).  Bonus points if she's under 5'8" tall.

[Shannon L.]

2 hours ago, Bastet said:

Do we ever see a woman who's just content to be doing her job and having adult conversation again and then having mom/baby time evenings and weekends (you know, like the man has been doing all along with no one questioning his devotion to fatherhood)?

Not that I can recall, but I have a feeling that if The Cosby Show had started with Bill and Claire having an infant, we'd have seen this from Claire.  Same with Roseanne. 

[DoctorAtomic]

I can't imagine a show today where a parent would tell their child that "I brought you into this world. I can take you out."

[Glendenning]

That's why kids being spanked or threatened with one in Enid Blyton books have been Orwellian Retconned out.

[ratgirlagogo]

I'm never gonna remember the title or anything of the specific episode - but there was this episode of the Bernie Mac Show where Bernie Mac is finally getting to go to an adult party after months of looking after the kids - and he is so freaked out that he basically can no longer have a conversation with other adults about what's on TV or the radio or anything - because he has spent all his time with people under the age of eight.  Bonus because when they do the trivia game he of course nails all the children's stuff, which just makes it all worse.

[Shannon L.]

I know we've talked about hospitals and surgeons, but have we talked about these patients with either a ton of money or fairy tale insurance companies?  Because they always seem to either be able to afford incredibly expensive, many times experimental, surgeries or they have these amazing insurance companies that approve them! 

[Bastet]

18 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

I know we've talked about hospitals and surgeons, but have we talked about these patients with either a ton of money or fairy tale insurance companies? 

Like the ones who not only spend a night in the hospital after what would in the real world be outpatient surgery, but are in fact admitted to the hospital the night before the surgery? 

[Lugal]

Not to mention they get the bill in a timely easy manner, as opposed to bits and pieces coming in over the next few months.

[2727]

Overhead shot of an empty bed. Next shot is a person landing face up on the bed with a thump. They're just exhausted.

Did they drop down from the ceiling? Take a running jump and fling themselves lengthwise into the bed? Climb up onto the edge of the mattress and let themselves fall backwards?

It's a cheesy, cliched shot, it doesn't conform to the laws of gravity, and I'm tired of it!

[shlbycindyk]

On 10/3/2019 at 10:27 PM, 2727 said:

Overhead shot of an empty bed. Next shot is a person landing face up on the bed with a thump. They're just exhausted.

Did they drop down from the ceiling? Take a running jump and fling themselves lengthwise into the bed? Climb up onto the edge of the mattress and let themselves fall backwards?

It's a cheesy, cliched shot, it doesn't conform to the laws of gravity, and I'm tired of it!

If I tried that I'd knock myself out on my headboard. 

[Shannon L.]

All women love wine.  They break out a bottle for every occasion.  No one ever says "No thank you, I don't care for wine"  or, for that matter, "Thank you, but I don't drink".

[Blergh]

34 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

All women love wine.  They break out a bottle for every occasion.  No one ever says "No thank you, I don't care for wine"  or, for that matter, "Thank you, but I don't drink".

Along those same lines: All men love beer and pop cold ones for every occasion. They NEVER say 'I don't drink/don't like the taste' of beer- unless of course it's a Very Special Episode in which a character has become a full-blown alcoholic . Yep, no such thing as a guy who doesn't like beer/doesn't drink booze- unless they've fallen off the wagon and had to dry out! 

[Bastet]

56 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

All women love wine. 

And wine and martinis/cosmos are the only things women drink.  No beer, unless the writers are hammering home a "she's one of the guys" characterization, no whiskey on the rocks, etc.

[Pepper the Cat]

Everyone drinks coffee. No one says “make mine a tea”

[Homily]

And practically everyone who drinks coffee takes it black.  I do know people who drink their coffee black but I know a lot more people who take milk or cream and/or a sweetener.

[Annber03]

4 minutes ago, Homily said:

And practically everyone who drinks coffee takes it black.  I do know people who drink their coffee black but I know a lot more people who take milk or cream and/or a sweetener.

*Raises hand* 

[kiddo82]

1 hour ago, Shannon L. said:

All women love wine.  They break out a bottle for every occasion.  No one ever says "No thank you, I don't care for wine"  or, for that matter, "Thank you, but I don't drink".

I've said this before, but no one on TV just doesn't drink alcohol for no reason.  Or no one only drinks occasionally.  No one ever just says, "No thanks.  I'm good tonight."  There's always a REASON like secret pregnancy or a person who is a recovering alcoholic.  

True story, when my best friend was pregnant, before she was far enough along to show/announce, I had her over for a besties movie/pizza night and she declined my assortment of adult beverages.  It did cross my mind that she might be pregnant but I also rationalized a few other reasons she declined.  It was Friday night and maybe she was tired.  Maybe she knew she had a long drive ahead of her (we live about an hour apart).  Maybe she just didn't feel like it.  You don't have to accept every drink that is offered to you.  It just wasn't a big enough deal when she said "no thanks" that I knew she *had* to be pregnant and there was absolutely no other reason for her to abstain.  Then of course when she later told me about a month or so later I was like, "Oooooh yeeeeeah.  You didn't want a drink that night at my apartment."

You wanna know what really clued me in to when she was pregnant?  I had to break dinner plans with her because I was sick and she said it was okay and she would call me later that night.  We *never* call each other unless it's crazy important or a story too long to text.  That's when I was like, "Oh my God, she's gonna tell me she's pregnant." 

Edited October 8, 2019 by kiddo82

[2727]

1 hour ago, Shannon L. said:

All women love wine.

Also chocolate and ice cream.

[CoderLady]

21 minutes ago, 2727 said:

Also chocolate and ice cream.

Ice cream right out of the carton, sitting at the kitchen counter.

[Homily]

As long as we're talking food and eating things right out of the carton I've lost count of the times someone goes to the fridge and drinks the milk or orange juice right out of the container and then puts in back in the fridge.  I really hope the people whose houses I've eaten at don't do that!!

[Rose Quartz]

8 minutes ago, CoderLady said:

Ice cream right out of the carton, sitting at the kitchen counter.

OK, I have to admit that right now I'm living the cliche.  I wasn't hungry for dessert at the restaurant but after an hour drive home I could use a nibble so I'm sitting here eating Talenti gelato straight from the container.  Admittedly, I don't feel too guilty about not using a bowl because it's just me and the cats and they can't have any since it's chocolate.  😉

[bilgistic]

There is no other way to eat Talenti gelato except for out of the container. Particularly the double dark chocolate flavor--there's a law that says you must eat the whole pint at once from the container.🤤

[kiddo82]

If it's a pint like Ben and Jerry's or if there's only a bowl's worth left in a regular carton I'll eat straight out of the carton.  Why dirty a bowl for no reason?

[shapeshifter]

4 hours ago, CoderLady said:

Ice cream right out of the carton, sitting at the kitchen counter.

This always bugs me when I see it on TV.  However:

4 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

…if there's only a bowl's worth left in a regular carton I'll eat straight out of the carton.  Why dirty a bowl for no reason?

I’ve never purchased a pint of ice cream. 

[BlackberryJam]

No one hates tea. No one says, "Yes, I'm upset about something, but the very thought of chamomile, lavender, herbal, earl, green, hibiscus, breakfast, chai, flavored, hot water makes me sick. Just give me a diet Pepsi please."

Also, no one ever says, "the smell of your coffee makes my stomach turn, could you take it elsewhere?"

[Shannon L.]

1 hour ago, BlackberryJam said:

No one hates tea. No one says, "Yes, I'm upset about something, but the very thought of chamomile, lavender, herbal, earl, green, hibiscus, breakfast, chai, flavored, hot water makes me sick. 

I love you.  

[Bastet]

Add me to the eating ice cream out of the carton list; why I would create another dirty dish when it comes in a container tailor made for just sticking a spoon in it, I don't know.  Even when a friend and I have ice cream during movie night, we just each grab a spoon and share the carton.  I'm pretty sure I own an ice cream scoop, but I have no memory of ever using it.

I think it's quite common in real life, but it is funny that everyone on TV eats it that way.  Just like eating Chinese food directly from the cartons.

Taking a swig of milk or juice directly from the bottle/carton/jug and putting it back in the fridge, though, that I've never seen someone do in real life.  It amuses me that it's always just the one gulp - you don't see characters take the beverage container with them to the couch and continue to sip from it.  It's always the at-the-refrigerator scenario.

1 hour ago, BlackberryJam said:

No one hates tea.

Also, those who drink tea drink any type of tea.  "Would you like some tea?" never leads to "What kind do you have?" or taking a pass because it might not be a kind she (because, let's face it, it's usually a she) enjoys and she doesn't feel close enough to the host to inquire.

I enjoy some teas and can't stand others; there's a wide variety of flavors, but on TV it's just "tea".

[Browncoat]

54 minutes ago, Bastet said:

but on TV it's just "tea".

Except for Jean-Luc Picard.  He always drank Earl Grey, hot.

[DoctorAtomic]

19 hours ago, Homily said:

And practically everyone who drinks coffee takes it black.  I do know people who drink their coffee black but I know a lot more people who take milk or cream and/or a sweetener.

"I take my coffee black. Like my men."

[Ohiopirate02]

15 minutes ago, DoctorAtomic said:

"I take my coffee black. Like my men."

I caught Airplane recently on TV, and I always knew that line was funny, but adult me finally realized what was actually going down.  The girl was trying to let the boy know that she wasn't interested and she was being polite like she was taught; but, homeboy missed all of her cues and just kept on talking absolutely oblivious to her irritation.

[Popples]

28 minutes ago, DoctorAtomic said:

"I take my coffee black. Like my men."

This just reminded me of-

[DearEvette]

Do people IRL. when they really upset or frustrated, walk into their home or office -- pause for a few seconds and then with one mighty arm swipe, throws all the items off a desk (including lamps,staplers, paperweights) or off a fully laden dinner table (dishes, glassware, silverware) ans then proceed to trash their home and office?  Myself, I just go off on a profanity laden rant, even splicing together bad words and making up new profanities if I am really mad.

[kiddo82]

6 hours ago, Bastet said:

I enjoy some teas and can't stand others; there's a wide variety of flavors, but on TV it's just "tea".

Like how it's also just "beer."  I love it when someone in a TV bar or restaurant orders "a beer" and the waiter/waitress/bartender is all "Coming right up" instead of just staring blankly at the patron.

[Bastet]

2 minutes ago, kiddo82 said:

Like how it's also just "beer."  I love it when someone in a TV bar or restaurant orders "a beer" and the waiter/waitress/bartender is all "Coming right up" instead of just staring blankly at the patron.

Yes!  And then brings them a bottle.  It would be one thing if it was on tap, so we could handwave that unless you specify a beer, you mean what's on tap (and that there's only one, which is virtually unheard of, but I could go with it), but how did the bartender know what bottle to grab?  The bar only carries one beer?  Not even a choice between lager and ale, regular and light?  I don't think so.

Or when a character orders "the house red".  Okay, but most restaurants have a house merlot and a house cabernet at least.

I know they don't want to name check a beer or wine, or take up extra screen time with back and forth about a drink order that is not relevant to the plot, but they could get specific in a way that doesn't do either one, yet still presents a believable scenario for ordering.  "I'll have a glass of whatever non-oaky chardonnay you recommend" or "I'll take whatever IPA you have on tap" would not be distracting the way an order for "beer" is.

[SVNBob]

3 minutes ago, Bastet said:

It would be one thing if it was on tap, so we could handwave that unless you specify a beer, you mean what's on tap (and that there's only one, which is virtually unheard of, but I could go with it), but how did the bartender know what bottle to grab?  The bar only carries one beer?  Not even a choice between lager and ale, regular and light?  I don't think so.

To be somewhat fair, this trope predates the modern craft/specialty beers and comes from a time when American beer was basically just Budweiser, Miller, and Coors.  So "a beer" was going to be one of those three...and be basically interchangeable among those yellow pisswaters.

[Bastet]

33 minutes ago, SVNBob said:

To be somewhat fair, this trope predates the modern craft/specialty beers and comes from a time when American beer was basically just Budweiser, Miller, and Coors.  So "a beer" was going to be one of those three...and be basically interchangeable among those yellow pisswaters.

Only somewhat fair, indeed.  Even in the '70s, ordering "a beer" in real life would generally get you a "Bud okay?" or similar because people had preferences among those three godsawful offerings.  So it was always a shortcut on TV to order "a beer" and just get handed one, but not the ridiculous scenario it is now and has been for some time.

[DoctorAtomic]

18 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I caught Airplane recently on TV, and I always knew that line was funny, but adult me finally realized what was actually going down.  The girl was trying to let the boy know that she wasn't interested and she was being polite like she was taught; but, homeboy missed all of her cues and just kept on talking absolutely oblivious to her irritation.

That and they were both 10.

[smittykins]

On 9/1/2019 at 12:53 AM, methodwriter85 said:

I grew up on the East Coast, so yeah, towns just aren't isolated self-contained units like the way they are on T.V., especially in suburban areas which are just a series of developments mixed with strip malls and some schools and office parks. I somewhat experienced that Stars Hallow type of town when I lived in a small university town in the Appalachian area that was somewhat isolated, but it had a dying mall, was struggling to keep businesses in their downtown, and it couldn't keep young people there because there wasn't much for employment beyond the hospital and the university. Although it did have a pretty strong sense of pride as well as a cool "It's a Wonderful Life" festival. (Jimmy Stewart spent his childhood in this town.)

My town(Seneca Falls, NY)has a “It’s A Wonderful Life” festival every year because it’s believed by some to maybe, possibly be the inspiration for Bedford Falls(Frank Capra is known to have visited the area).

[shapeshifter]

24 minutes ago, smittykins said:

My town(Seneca Falls, NY)has a “It’s A Wonderful Life” festival every year because it’s believed by some to maybe, possibly be the inspiration for Bedford Falls(Frank Capra is known to have visited the area).

I’ve lived in a Stars Hollow-esque/Christmas-card college town for 18 years —where a few movies have been made because it is sooo not like most real life. 
But I just retired from the job here, so my daughter wants me to move to Seneca Falls, NY @smittykins, LOL (seriously!) because her newly acquired in-laws and a lot of their large extended family live there —and likely because she figures (rightly so) I’ve become accustomed to living in Stars Hollow (and it’s driving distance from her instead of in a different time zone).

Wow. I just realized fantasy TV life and my actual life are not so different. 
But nobody ever offers a beer here without at least suggesting a variety of esoteric craft brews. 

But here in Real Life Christmas Card Land, they don’t have to cut their lines for time. 

[Rosiejuliemom]

On 10/7/2019 at 7:47 PM, Homily said:

And practically everyone who drinks coffee takes it black.  I do know people who drink their coffee black but I know a lot more people who take milk or cream and/or a sweetener.

My coffee is either black or two scoops of hot cocoa powder and peppermint creamer.

There is no in between.

[DoctorAtomic]

Try coffee with a sprinkle of nutmeg. 

[xaxat]

No matter how much traffic there is, there is always an empty parking spot right in front of the building the person drove to.

@methodwriter85 I lived in Indiana PA when I was a kid! Well before the festival.

Edited October 10, 2019 by xaxat

[Blergh]

On 10/10/2019 at 2:57 PM, xaxat said:

No matter how much traffic there is, there is always an empty parking spot right in front of the building the person drove to. 

And no matter how congested the city, there's always a parking spot right smack in front of the building's entrance which somehow never sees a drop of rain falling on the protagonist- instead of having to find far away, hidden garages then having to walk quite a few blocks in all manners of weather like actual  humans! 

[Shannon L.]

This is older because most people have cell phones now, but apparently, years ago, no one ever asked for a pen before looking up something in the yellow pages.  They just rip the page out and stuff it in their pocket.

[Glendenning]

Marty McFly does that with the phone book in Lou's Café in Back to the Future. Presumably there's a deleted scene where Marty has to use some of 1955 Doc's money to purchase a new phone book for the café 😉

[shlbycindyk]

Whenever someone's house is broken into on TV, the burglars not only pull out all the drawers and remove the sofa cushions but they also make sure every picture on the wall is crooked.  This would drive me crazy because I can't stand a crooked picture.  You also never see anyone asking for a take out box when they're at a restaurant.  They'll order a meal, something will happen, and they just get up and leave the food on the table without taking a bite of anything.  I'm shocked that none of these characters have died from starvation. 

[Katy M]

35 minutes ago, shlbycindyk said:

Whenever someone's house is broken into on TV, the burglars not only pull out all the drawers and remove the sofa cushions but they also make sure every picture on the wall is crooked.

They're looking for wall safes and secret stashes.  

36 minutes ago, shlbycindyk said:

ou also never see anyone asking for a take out box when they're at a restaurant.  They'll order a meal, something will happen, and they just get up and leave the food on the table without taking a bite of anything.  I'm shocked that none of these characters have died from starvation. 

And whether they eat or not, they walk out without paying.

[juno]

45 minutes ago, Katy M said:

They're looking for wall safes and secret stashes.  

And whether they eat or not, they walk out without paying.

Or throw a bunch of cash down on the table and leave without of course the old doggie bag.