Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[ganesh]

If it were Five-0, they'd beat him up and he'd confess to an unrelated crime. 

[afterbite]

I rewatched Bloodsport last night. I imagine this was much easier to do before MMA became such a big thing, but interspersed with some really great fight scenes were knock-out blows that would in no way incapacitate someone. Maybe people picked up on the incongruity before and I was just woefully naive, but as an adult with a better sense of which fight moves are actually effective, it cracks me up now. Apparently the variety of blows which will render someone unconscious is endless, and often don't even need to be targeted at the head.

ETA: This is not specific to Bloodsport, but it's what reminded me of all of the glorious martial arts movies in which this predominated.

Edited May 10, 2017 by afterbite
forgot that bit

[Joe]

And the sounds some of those old action movies make! No, punching someone does not sound like that. Modern ones are better in that regard.

[merylinkid]

You mean there isn't a "Kapow" sound when you punch someone?

[Katy M]

23 minutes ago, merylinkid said:

You mean there isn't a "Kapow" sound when you punch someone?

Wait!  The show Batman isn't an accurate portrayal of a fight?  Speaking of which, did anyone else find it odd that every single week, Batman and Robin would go fight a villain and their gang and they would lose, and then later, they would come back and fight the exact same people and win?  Every week?  I guess maybe they used the first fight to figure out their style, strengths and weaknesses?

[merylinkid]

14 hours ago, Katy M said:

I guess maybe they used the first fight to figure out their style, strengths and weaknesses?

Well yeah, because each minion team had to fight with the unique style of the villian.   So even though they fought the Joker and his minions like eleventy billion times (seriously what are the bad guys sentenced to in Gotham City, a day in jail?), they had to figure out WHAT joke style was being used THIS time.

[Raja]

20 hours ago, Katy M said:

Wait!  The show Batman isn't an accurate portrayal of a fight?  Speaking of which, did anyone else find it odd that every single week, Batman and Robin would go fight a villain and their gang and they would lose, and then later, they would come back and fight the exact same people and win?  Every week?  I guess maybe they used the first fight to figure out their style, strengths and weaknesses?

Well that is The Batman's superpower 

[shang yiet]

Quote

If this were a cop drama, the camera would zoom in to read the logo on his cap and follow it back to where he got it. Then, using a perfectly rendered full-face drawing of his face constructed from all the minute detail they get of his face, the cops would find him and be knocking on his front door within 12 hours. Chung-chung!

Also, if there is an audio recording of the villain speaking, there will be some sounds in the background to pinpoint his location.

[cpcathy]

Or there's the sound of a train in the background, and of course they know which one and its exact route!

[Shannon L.]

After a break up, women stay awake all night buying a bunch of stuff from the Home Shopping Network.

[CoderLady]

31 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

After a break up, women stay awake all night buying a bunch of stuff from the Home Shopping Network.

Or sitting on the couch with a half gallon of ice cream, scraping off and eating extremely tiny bites of it while watching sappy romantic movies on TV.

[kassygreene]

Just once I wish it would be sitting on the couch with cold beer and a plate of wings, binge-watching Strike Back.

[ChromaKelly]

Eating on the couch is the ultimate way to signify this person is a loner and has no one.

[Katy M]

Just now, ChromaKelly said:

Eating on the couch is the ultimate way to signify this person is a loner and has no one.

I'll have to disagree with this one.  I eat on the couch and I'm a loner and have no one.  Besides the cat.

[zxy556575]

55 minutes ago, ChromaKelly said:

Eating on the couch is the ultimate way to signify this person is a loner and has no one.

Is that higher on the loneliness scale than leaning against one's kitchen counter eating Chinese takeout straight from the carton and staring into nothingness?

[kiddo82]

Sitting on the couch and eating dinner (takeout) literally as I read this.  But I'm not alone.  I have you guys!

[meep.meep]

Extra hugs if you were eating Chinese food straight from the carton!

[kiddo82]

Alas, it was Panera.  But straight out of the bag.  No plate.

[Anela]

I'm eating salt and vinegar crisps, and watching Big Love. Might be going out for an ice cream. 

[ABay]

Are you sure you guys aren't celebrating being alone?

[Anela]

28 minutes ago, ABay said:

Are you sure you guys aren't celebrating being alone?

Not this time. It's definitely wallowing. Maybe when I go out, I'll get take-out, eat it at the counter in the kitchen, and then follow it up with small bites of ice cream from the tub, instead of getting a cone. ;)

[Shannon L.]

All new mothers sit and cry all day on their first day back to work from maternity leave.  I know some women do--I worked with one--but you'd think that was simply the way it was.  That we all did it. 

[shapeshifter]

2 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

All new mothers sit and cry all day on their first day back to work from maternity leave.  I know some women do--I worked with one--but you'd think that was simply the way it was.  That we all did it. 

My boss took her newborn to daycare on her days off.

[Shannon L.]

4 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

6 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

All new mothers sit and cry all day on their first day back to work from maternity leave.  I know some women do--I worked with one--but you'd think that was simply the way it was.  That we all did it. 

My boss took her newborn to daycare on her days off.

I dropped mine off on the first day back to work and walked to the car feeling free and smiled at everyone at work with a big "hello!".  I love my kids dearly, but having that break during the day was what I needed at the time.  At the end of the day, I was ready and happy to do the mommy stuff again. 

All men who live in the city have those long, expensive winter jackets.

[anna0852]

4 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

My boss took her newborn to daycare on her days off.

Most daycares charge for your "place" whether the baby is there or not. And children are *extremely* routine-oriented. It might have been more disruptive to keep baby home.

[auntlada]

Why do people on TV not lock their doors so that random friends and neighbors and the most annoying person in the world can't just barge in? Am I the only person in the world who is so paranoid thta I lock my door even when I am home? (And my friends would knock or ring the doorbell. None would think of just walking in.)

On 6/6/2017 at 3:07 PM, anna0852 said:

Most daycares charge for your "place" whether the baby is there or not. And children are *extremely* routine-oriented. It might have been more disruptive to keep baby home.

And sometimes it's the only time you can go to the grocery store or have the slightest bit of time alone so you don't go crazy.

[Bastet]

54 minutes ago, auntlada said:

Why do people on TV not lock their doors so that random friends and neighbors and the most annoying person in the world can't just barge in? Am I the only person in the world who is so paranoid thta I lock my door even when I am home? (And my friends would knock or ring the doorbell. None would think of just walking in.)

I don't lock my doors when I'm home during the day - they're locked overnight, and then when I unlock one to use it, I don't re-lock it until that night, or if I'm leaving (and I may not always lock them all at night; I don't check when going to bed the way I do when I'm leaving) - but my visitors knock.  Like you said, no one would ever think of just waltzing in.

Edited June 13, 2017 by Bastet

[Sweet Tee]

Quote

Why do people on TV not lock their doors so that random friends and neighbors and the most annoying person in the world can't just barge in? Am I the only person in the world who is so paranoid thta I lock my door even when I am home? (And my friends would knock or ring the doorbell. None would think of just walking in.)

Not just you.  I always lock my doors.  Whether I'm home or not.  I would never feel totally secure if I left my door unlocked.  My dad does it and it drives me nuts when I'm visiting.

[paulvdb]

I don't know if this is common in America, but here most homes have doors that you can only open without a key from the inside. If you want to open the door from outside you will always need a key even if the door is not locked.

[Anela]

10 hours ago, auntlada said:

Why do people on TV not lock their doors so that random friends and neighbors and the most annoying person in the world can't just barge in? Am I the only person in the world who is so paranoid thta I lock my door even when I am home? (And my friends would knock or ring the doorbell. None would think of just walking in.)

And sometimes it's the only time you can go to the grocery store or have the slightest bit of time alone so you don't go crazy.

I don't always lock my doors here, I don't know anyone who would come by and just walk in, but we did in California. My aunt had a habit of just walking in, and it annoyed mum so much that she started locking the doors. 

[DittyDotDot]

11 hours ago, auntlada said:

Why do people on TV not lock their doors so that random friends and neighbors and the most annoying person in the world can't just barge in? Am I the only person in the world who is so paranoid thta I lock my door even when I am home? (And my friends would knock or ring the doorbell. None would think of just walking in.)

Well, I never lock my doors. In fact, I don't even know where my house key is right now. And, people do just walk in--people I know and usually know are coming--because I can't always hear someone knocking on that side of my house. But, I live in the middle of nowhere and just don't see a reason to lock my doors. When I lived in more urban areas I always locked my doors, even when I was home. One time my mother came to visit--she lives in the middle of nowhere somewhere else--and we walked in my apartment and I immediately locked the deadbolt behind us, her comment was, "Feels like I'm being imprisoned." 

[ganesh]

For some reason, some guy from the lds went to my bank door, which is screened but unlocked and got an eyeful because your supposed to knock on the front door line a normal person so I have time to put on clothes. 

[MaryMitch]

9 hours ago, paulvdb said:

I don't know if this is common in America, but here most homes have doors that you can only open without a key from the inside. If you want to open the door from outside you will always need a key even if the door is not locked.

My experience is I have never seen a door like that, except on a hotel room.

[kassygreene]

I've had apartment doors that are self-locking; my condo as well.  I very early got into the habit of always picking up my key, even if all I was going to do was pick up the newspaper from the mat.

My house doors only "self-locked" if I shut them with the lock engaged.  Current house only locks with the deadbolt, so you can't lock yourself out.

[NutMeg]

That kind of doors is almost a trope, given the number people on TV who find themselves locked out while wearing the bare minimum, which varies according to the channel the show is broadcast on. Also a thing that happens way less often in real life.

[ganesh]

I'm getting a swinging kitchen door so it can smack me in the face like on Three's Company. 

[CoderLady]

5 minutes ago, ganesh said:

I'm getting a swinging kitchen door so it can smack me in the face like on Three's Company. 

Only if you can rig up a laugh track for when it happens. It's no good getting hit without a bunch of strangers giggling idiotically every time.

[ganesh]

I'll rig it for the next time someone knocks at the back door. 

[partofme]

On 6/12/2017 at 8:19 PM, auntlada said:

Why do people on TV not lock their doors so that random friends and neighbors and the most annoying person in the world can't just barge in? Am I the only person in the world who is so paranoid thta I lock my door even when I am home? (And my friends would knock or ring the doorbell. None would think of just walking in.)

 

 

I was born and raised in suburban New York and currently live in NYC, I would never dream of not locking my door.  I watch a lot of true crime and am always stunned by the number of people who are murdrered because they don't lock their doors.    My current apartment door does self lock.

Edited June 15, 2017 by partofme

[FormerMod-a1]

When I lived in an apartment where the door opens to a hall - they were all self-locking.  The apartments that had private entrances did not have self-locking doors.  I lock my doors.  However, it doesn't bother men when I'm visiting someone and they don't.  It is such an ingrained habit in me though.  I enter and lock, even when for a short time.  Even when I tell myself not to since I'll just be leaving again in 15 minutes (or whatever). 

[Haleth]

15 hours ago, ganesh said:

I'm getting a swinging kitchen door so it can smack me in the face like on Three's Company. 

You must be carrying a large cake or pie when it this happens.

[ChromaKelly]

On 6/14/2017 at 4:28 PM, ganesh said:

I'm getting a swinging kitchen door so it can smack me in the face like on Three's Company. 

This happens when you are trying to listen in on a conversation that you only hear part of and a hilarious misunderstanding will ensue. Make sure to bite your fist when you hear a particularly juicy tidbit. "She said she can't wait for him to show off his stuff!" (fist bite - door then swings and smacks you)
 

[2727]

Chasing after someone in a public place, catching up and grabbing them. As they turn around, whoops! Wrong person.

[ganesh]

And you'll also just run randomly across the street dodging cars like frogger while everyone honks at you and yells. 

Seriously though, there was a guy who looked like my friend when we were in college and I've gone up to him several times like "what's going on" only to realize halfway it wasn't him. AND my friend saw him and was freaked out they looked so much alike, so it wasn't me being drunk for a change. 

[Shannon L.]

This is all about fantasy, so it will never happen in real life, but if it did.......:

You just witness some person leap over a tall building, fly, deflect bullets with his/her chest or wrists, etc, etc, etc.  The people you are with are rightfully curious, yet when you tell them how you met the person and who he or she is, the response is "I don't believe you.".   In real life, if I got that, I'd look at the person and say "You did witness what just happened right in front of you, right?  You saw it with your own eyes, but this you don't believe?"  I'd be more inclined to think that in real life, the person would be surprised, even shocked, but still willing to believe the story after what they'd just seen. 

[Katy M]

42 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

This is all about fantasy, so it will never happen in real life, but if it did.......:

You just witness some person leap over a tall building, fly, deflect bullets with his/her chest or wrists, etc, etc, etc.  The people you are with are rightfully curious, yet when you tell them how you met the person and who he or she is, the response is "I don't believe you.".   In real life, if I got that, I'd look at the person and say "You did witness what just happened right in front of you, right?  You saw it with your own eyes, but this you don't believe?"  I'd be more inclined to think that in real life, the person would be surprised, even shocked, but still willing to believe the story after what they'd just seen. 

I also think I could recognize my co-worker with his glasses off and his hair slicked back.  Conversely, I think I could recognize the superhero I had an insane crush on with glasses on and his hair all nerdified.  I mean, maybe not the first couple of times, but surely after a few weeks. Maybe, I just have more powers of observation than a reporter who doesn't really need to be observant.  Wait, I think there was a breakdown in that logic.

[Sparger Springs]

On 5/9/2017 at 1:07 PM, Katy M said:

But then it would turn out that the cap had been stolen.  There's even a stolen cap report filled out 3 weeks ago.

Or the cap is rare and only sold at one specialty cap store in all of NY. The clerk will remember selling it to the perp who will have paid with a credit card. 

[Sandman87]

Poison: Always either fatal within minutes (or seconds!), or else frightfully exotic, meaning that there's no known antidote and it will take exactly two days to kill you. Either way, there's no point in calling 911 or a poison control hotline.

[paulvdb]

If it's a supernatural creature's poison your best bet is to call your local witch, veterinarian or other expert on supernatural creatures who will help you come up with the antidote just in time.

[biakbiak]

33 minutes ago, paulvdb said:

If it's a supernatural creature's poison your best bet is to call your local witch, veterinarian or other expert on supernatural creatures who will help you come up with the antidote just in time.

If in real life I somehow knew that I had been poisoned by a supernatural creature I think that those people would be my first thought as well because I imagine if I went into my local ER with that story they would put me on a 5150 hold and I would die in a psychiatric ward.