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S06.E14: Cray Gardens


Tara Ariano
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I want see Cray Gardens turn into the sad, scary life Farrah and Deb live together, just like the Edies of Gray Gardens. I hope Farrah gets her fashion choices together like Little Edie: "You can always take off the skirt and use it as a cape."

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This episode title is perfect.

“We better check on Amber and the cats. She’s a lot of fun, I hope she doesn’t die. I hate to spend another winter here though. Oh God, another winter.” – Little Matty.

“The cat’s going to the bathroom right in back of my portrait. I’m glad he is. I’m glad somebody’s doing something they want to do.” – Big Amber

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Yes our kid running around a construction area is always a good idea. Cate and Tyler are idiots. Cate wash your fucking hair and quit with the damn bangs swept behind your ear. Go chase your kid instead of sitting there like lumps and I think Tyler does more of the parenting because she is always in his arms or around him and running away/slapping Cate.

Farrah just stop. Your mother is not at your beck and call. If she wants to take five years to be a fucking hooker that's her prerogative. 

It was nice to see Maci and Ryan with Bentley. It was nice to see her dress up close and the top of it and color I liked.

Edited by toodywoody
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OMG, Bentley looked SO damn cute in his tux! I'm incredibly shocked to hear that Ryan's gf has a child. He's dating someone with a child?! I hope they're taking it serious, because introducing a bunch of men to a kid is NOT okay.

Pretty sad that Gary has to ask Amber, Leah's own God damned mother, for help with her. She shouldn't need to be asked! If this were a Mom asking the Dad for help, people would be calling him a deadbeat. Well, that's what Ambien is. And now those fucks are driving a Range Rover around?! How many $70,000+ cars do they own? Maybe she should be concerned with paying her taxes back, but what do I know?

Edited by Madison Bumgarner
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Didnt Ryan used to be attractive?  What the hell happened?  His looks like mad scientist, crazy eyes and all.

I fear that something bad is going to happen with Leah involving Matt.  Gary, please keep her away as much as you can.

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8 minutes ago, GreatKazu said:

Your post reminded me of Kathy Bowman from Roseanne. lol  So many Roseanne references with this show.

Oh how I love Roseanne. Favorite episode is the Thanksgiving one where Jackie looks in the stove and is,being a smart ass to their mom. That is so me and my sister.

Bentley is a doll, Jayde is adorable and their family is cute. Emilee is cute as all get out and she's clothed.

I think Amber is just lazy and if she would get her shit together and get a job of do something she wouldn't be gaining weight if she would get off her ass and quit eating shit.

JC Farrah shut the hell up and tie your hair up instead of wearing a fucking shower cap and burning up even more. and seems like Debra was doing more than Farrah because all Farrah was doing was bitching and acting like she was gardening. Debra keeps on and on with Farrah because she does love her and just wants Farrah to one time not bitch her out.

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"Awwww, look who brought Mommy some wa-wa."

I work at a daycare, and I don't even talk to my room full of infants like this.....

Did Amber just say that she'd pick up Leah, but her mommy makeover consultation falls on one of her four days with Leah? And surely having the fat sucked out of you will definitely make her depression go away. Suuuuuure

Edited by Madison Bumgarner
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21 minutes ago, snarts said:

Didnt Ryan used to be attractive?  What the hell happened?  His looks like mad scientist, crazy eyes and all.

I fear that something bad is going to happen with Leah involving Matt.  Gary, please keep her away as much as you can.

That has been my #1 concern since Matt slithered his way into Amber's home. I certainly wouldn't let a random fan move in and even at that I would want a comprehensive background check (including criminal activity) before he ever breathed the same air as my daughter.

I really want to know what Amber tells herself since finding out she was his THIRD choice after Farrah and Jenelle.

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11 minutes ago, AmyFarrahFowler said:

That has been my #1 concern since Matt slithered his way into Amber's home. I certainly wouldn't let a random fan move in and even at that I would want a comprehensive background check (including criminal activity) before he ever breathed the same air as my daughter.

I really want to know what Amber tells herself since finding out she was his THIRD choice after Farrah and Jenelle.

:::::raises hand:::::::: She tells herself what Matt tells her, "it's not true".

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14 minutes ago, AmyFarrahFowler said:

That has been my #1 concern since Matt slithered his way into Amber's home. I certainly wouldn't let a random fan move in and even at that I would want a comprehensive background check (including criminal activity) before he ever breathed the same air as my daughter.

I really want to know what Amber tells herself since finding out she was his THIRD choice after Farrah and Jenelle.

I'd love to see a Jenelle, Matt, and Amber confrontation.

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ok after rematching, did the construction guy say 166500? Or did I hear that wrong. Oh I forgot about Tyler needing his open concept to watch his wife and what she is indulging in.

And Amber, you need to make your appointments on the weekends you don't have your daughter. You have 26 days out of the month to schedule shit and lately she has been scheduling shit on every weekend she has Leah. So cry me a fucking river about not getting to take Leah over night and yes Christina can say that about your daughter too Amber because she takes care of your daughter too. Amber a fucking mommy makeover is fucking plastic surgery and your fucking depression and medicine is just another fucking excuse to not do shit, to fake cry, to blame the fucking Internet and to not get off your ass and go work out and instead take the easy way out and get liposuction. 

Farrah just stfu about not getting along with your mom because you fucking bite her head off even if she says hi. I don't see Farrah trying and I do see Debra's trying. And Farrah your mom's time is not all your own and those companies aren't hers. She isn't a fucking slave for Farrah to boss around and only do Farrah's shit, she can have a life and do her own things. Farrah is fucking exhausting.

Maci and Amber really have beautiful eyes.

Edited by toodywoody
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I must say when Simon sat down to talk to Farrah I said oh here we go.  Wonder of wonders he told her some truths and she didn't bite his head off.  She didn't tell him to go figure it out, she didn't tell him he was being negative.  She really didn't go all cray cray on him.  Now her mother is a completely other story.  Maybe Farrah needs to get all of it out as to how she feels she was parented as a child, how it made her feel and instead of Debra denying (like she denied hitting Farrah and that one time was televised), and tell her from her heart that she is sorry the way she made her feel.  That she is human and yadda yadda.  Because honestly Debra says one thing and Farrah goes into a rage.  Putting her middle finger up cuz her mother is giving her gardening advice.  Damn Daniel.  There is something seriously wrong.

On a pleasant note, Bentley at dinner laughing and enjoying his family all together made my heart smile.  He is so cute.

Edited by lasandi
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I hate episodes that make Tyler look logical and likable. Cate and her blase attitude about the $15,000 made me want to punch her. And then there he was, sitting out back stressing out, and she all of a sudden got an interest in her daughter so that she couldn't listen to him? I actually felt for him in that scene. Damn it. 

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I really, really hate violence and I don't usually condone it, but I will pay someone, anyone to punch Farrah in her fucking face. It would be enjoyable to watch and Farrah gets a free lip plumping. Win/Win.....

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2 hours ago, MadLove said:

I really, really hate violence and I don't usually condone it, but I will pay someone, anyone to punch Farrah in her fucking face. It would be enjoyable to watch and Farrah gets a free lip plumping. Win/Win.....

Well, we know Deb did just that, but people got upset at her for having done that to Farrah. Sometimes, there are some people that do need a good old-fashioned slap in the face.

I was never hit growing up, but if I ever talked to my parents the way Farrah does to hers, I would have been damn lucky if all I got was my ass whooped.

Edited by GreatKazu
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15 minutes ago, guilfoyleatpp said:

On the way to the park both Amber and Matt had their seatbelts on and Leah had nothing.  WTG mom of the year.

 

Leah actually had hers on, but she wasn't wearing it correctly; she had the lapbelt portion on but the shoulder straps were pushed down to the side. It's an unsafe and improper way to ride. I know this because it's the way I wear mine. (Do as I say, not as I do.)

During the Farrah-yelling scene (to be more precise, the one at the pedicurist), my son said, "I feel so sorry for the people doing their nails. I mean, they're already having to touch their FEET..."

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5 minutes ago, mamadrama said:

 It's an unsafe and improper way to ride. I know this because it's the way I wear mine. (Do as I say, not as I do.)

MAMADRAMA!  TSK!

Further, I'm so damn bored with Maci's scenes. The wedding prep is particularly boring to me...I can't say why.  She and her friends are cute and stuff, but I just can't get into it.

Does anyone know what was wrong with Kristina's daughter?  That's tough. :(

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With the way Farrah has been laying into Debra, especially about Debra and her BFs, I wonder if there wasn't a past BF who tried to assault Farrah. That really makes me hope that IRL Farrah and Debra are great pals and do the arguing schtick for the ratings.

Honey Lake = a community of Honey Buckets = doody

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1 hour ago, schroob said:

With the way Farrah has been laying into Debra, especially about Debra and her BFs, I wonder if there wasn't a past BF who tried to assault Farrah. That really makes me hope that IRL Farrah and Debra are great pals and do the arguing schtick for the ratings.

Honey Lake = a community of Honey Buckets = doody

Doubt itt. Farrah would have made sure to mention that in her book and in every other episode all these years. 

Farrah actually said "thank you" to Deb. Oh shit. That's a first. And then Deb snapped at Farrah about the tree and being hit in the face.  

That after show is typical bullshit. Amber looked like a broke ass version of  Ethel Mertz in the I Love Lucy  episode where she and Lucy go to charm school. All that was missing was the fancy talk. Boobs were all out for the world to see. She was sporting too many chins.

Cate looked horrible. 

Edited by GreatKazu
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The after show is just funny.  Who did the styling?  The hairdresser went overboard with the braided side-sweep.  I don't know what that choker was on Catelyn or the rest of the outfit.  Looked like bad resort wear ...Maci looked like she was going to play beer pong afterwards and I don't know what monochromatic Amber has done to herself.  

But the funny part was them talking about how hard they work off the show and Amber saying if Leah got preggers as a teen, that she would take care of the baby while Leah went to school.  Oh and that Matt is hot.

Agree this show is bullshit.  Softball questions and match game. 

Earlier show, Farrah is batshit.  I don't know that any amount of therapy can help that family.  I've said it before and will say it again, there's just something off about the whole family. They were weird from day one.  Debra seems more sympathetic now because you see she really loves Sophia, but she also loves Farrah's money that pays for all her upkeep.  Farrah's butt implants look ridiculous.

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Amber looked scary on the aftershow. She is trying to channel Marilyn Monroe and Jayne Mansfield. Unfortunately she ended up looking like an aging stripper from the 50s. All she needed was a pare of feather mules and a cigarette dangling from her mouth. I'm hoping her face was that way because of the makeup job and not because of plastic surgery. Her lips were scary. 

Cate makes me want to scream. 16k is no small amount. Clearly cate has no sense about money. 

I can't with Farrah. You mother is entitled to a) time off and B) privacy. I wanted to slap her at the nail salon. Who knew Simon could be the voice of reason. 

I care not one iota about maci and her MTV paid for wedding. But I did like her dress. Bentley is so cute and sweet. Ryan needs to do something with his hair. He is looking more caveman with each passing week.

Amber can't pick up her kid because she is having plastic surgery. How about going to the gym and eating normally. Or taking a walk . 23 year olds don't need sculpting surgery. Good lord. 

As for the aftershow, I turned it off after they each one by one defended not working by saying the teen mom is a job. Um OK. Cate said stay at home mom is a ft job. I would buy that if she ever actually took care if nova. Nova spends more time with assorted family than cate spends with her. I thought MTV only filmed like for 6 weeks a season. Amber says she has a real estate business.  She made it sound like she was an agent. That would actually make sense if she was a house flipper.  But I can't imagine amber having enough drive to get licensed when she can barely get off the couch/folding chair. does anyone know how many houses they have actually flipped? 

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26 minutes ago, poeticlicensed said:

I thought MTV only filmed like for 6 weeks a season.

I think they film one week out of every month.  so if they film six weeks, it covers six months.

Which makes the whole thing so sad, because they have three weeks to prepare for the camera and this is the best they can do.  

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30 minutes ago, poeticlicensed said:

 But I can't imagine amber having enough drive to get licensed when she can barely get off the couch/folding chair. does anyone know how many houses they have actually flipped? 

I saw some amazing detective work on Reddit and they found public record of three flips, all in Matt's name.  No record of owning the house they live in, that is 30+ minutes from Leah, which means they likely rent.

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Cate and Tyler must be making some serious money if Cate is so nonchalant about 15 grand!  Tyler did look stressed...not sure if he realizes the MTV money train will end and worries about how they will maintain this place or if he should have had a general contractor from the beginning managing the project..they are in over their heads.

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I nominate a new title for this episode: "The Interminable Slog." What the everloving fuck with this season, it's like a white trash The English Patient. PLEASE JUST STOP. We get it. They're rich and dumb and full of themselves and convinced they're all stars in the making. So boring.

Maci: skipped. I mean everything. Yeah, Bentley looked good as I hit the FWD30 button repeatedly, in his little tux, but find me a seven year old that doesn't look good in a tux. 

Amber: Why is everything with Amber a conspiracy about Kristina, when she's living with this swindler (ALL THREE FLIPS IN HIS NAME...wow, this broad is an idiot)? Leah's like "Ok, bye! And Amber suddenly and suspiciously says to Matt "It's like she's afraid to say I love you in front of her!" It implies that she believes Gary and Kristina actively discourage it, like if she'd said it on her own and gotten in the car, Kristina would have put a cigarette out on her. Amber's so needy, but she can't bring herself to get out of bed to hang out with her. Someone pointed out that when Leah said "We have to go pick up boo boo (Seriously with this fucking nickname, knock it off)," Matt was basically like "I'd rather drive your new car into the lake." And what the hell with the new car! I bet THAT's in Amber's name. Can someone please describe the garment she's wearing in the last segment? It's like a kimono made out of drapes from a retirement home, maybe? 

C/T: Gotta say I took some happiness out of them getting fucked over with this new house somewhat. It's not like they show on the idiotic HGTV network, where it all goes relatively smoothly. Ha ha! Yeah, those shows all go over budget, so we're doing it right! -- Cate. Not so funny when it's your money, is it? And way to have a poker face. That guy saw those cameras, said "I"m going for it" and quoted them high. Tyler's all "Well, let me talk to my wife," who, in the same room, says "Sounds good! Do it!" So I guess negotiation not a big priority. I'm sad that we didn't get to hear about a horse more this week.

And finally, the denim diapered grandma and her moron daughter return. First of all, the explanation of the shower cap...no, Farrah. No. My guess is she TRIED to do something with the extensions first, fucked it up, and then went with a look no Caucasian woman in history has ever tried while gardening. She continues to be the worst person on earth, clearly not understanding business concepts in general as it comes to retail (what did she think the margin was going to be, 20%? she knows it's not a grocery store, and many, many days will go by where you don't sell a fucking couch, right?), Sophia had no lines and only disturbing looks at the camera, the relaxing trip to the spa, her frizzy new orange hair, this person is just gross. And good for Simon, telling her it's low class to argue like that in front of people. Ugh, ONE MORE EPISODE. I've said that the last three, though. 

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9 hours ago, toodywoody said:

Oh how I love Roseanne. Favorite episode is the Thanksgiving one where Jackie looks in the stove and is,being a smart ass to their mom. That is so me and my sister. 

Bentley is a doll, Jayde is adorable and their family is cute. Emilee is cute as all get out and she's clothed.

I think Amber is just lazy and if she would get her shit together and get a job of do something she wouldn't be gaining weight if she would get off her ass and quit eating shit.

JC Farrah shut the hell up and tie your hair up instead of wearing a fucking shower cap and burning up even more. and seems like Debra was doing more than Farrah because all Farrah was doing was bitching and acting like she was gardening. Debra keeps on and on with Farrah because she does love her and just wants Farrah to one time not bitch her out.

TV land is running all Thanksgiving episodes on Thursday.  Rosanne,  King of Queens,  Everybody loves Raymond  and a few other shows.  My favorite is Roseanne's Thanksgiving episodes so I'm definitely recording those.

I'll comment on teen mom later.  

Edited by imjagain
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Hahahaha, Cray Gardens! Who comes up with these episode titles? Because, seriously, they deserve an award of some type. 

Farrah gardening in her shower cap was delightful. I'm sorry, but how is that protecting your extensions from sweat? Seems more likely you're making them hotter and sweatier, trapped under that cap. Was she actually trying to hide her hair COLOR? Because there were some major continuity issues with her blonde vs. brown hair this episode. 

I just can't with Farrah and her mom. If I were the camera guys, I'd be ready to head for the hills. They are BOTH awful. Neither has any interest in communicating with each other. They both have to be right always. If you try to tell Farrah how to do something, she will yell at you about how stupid you are. If you try to tell Deb, she will make passive aggressive, self pitying remarks about how much experience she has, but how she must just be an idiot.  (FTR, I was oddly with Farrah about not marking smaller items up too much at the furniture shop.)

These two are either immune to therapy...or they need their money back. Nothing has ever worked. It's odd, because they were getting along much better the first half of the season. My theory is that when things started getting more serious with Debra's new man, Farrah lost her shit. Her mother is supposed to be there 24-7 to kiss Farrah's ass and cater to her every whim. I don't care for Deb, but God forbid she have a life of her own. When you have to ask your daughter's permission for a day off from her life - you know there's a problem. 

 

I actually feel kind of bad for Tyler and his floors. Hopefully he's learning lessons - as we all make mistakes when buying/renovating homes. It was funny how HE was all worried about their budget moving forward, and Cate was all - "You gotta do what you gotta do". I half expected her to tell him to just buy a llama and make everything better. 

Homegirl has no footing in reality. No wonder Tyler goes and meets his mom for lunch so much. 

 

Amber is a huge, fucking piece of shit and I'm so over her. How DARE she sit there and whine and cry about not getting enough time with Boo Boo. She had every opportunity to spend her weekends with her and chose to fly off to CA and NY. So sit down and shut the fuck up. She should happily help Gary and Christina in whatever way they need, considering all those two have done for Leah while Amber was away (and continues to be "away"), and not gripe about it. Gary has legit concerns about overnights, given how far they are from the school and their propensity to laze the day away. Look how surprised and thrilled Matt seemed to be when they picked her up on time. That tells you all you need to know right there. Attendance is apparently very important to Leah, so I can totally see why they'd want to keep her at her home base on school nights. 

But it's never good enough for Queen Amber. I actually got the impression Matt DIDN'T want Leah overnight. He agreed with Amber that it would make more sense, but his face said, "Dear God, no". And notice when Gary called to say Christina would be coming on her way back from the hospital, Matt didn't balk a bit. He was all, "Okay, sounds great". But how lovely of Amber to stop for ice cream on the way back, therefore making worried and exhausted Christian have to wait around....AND probably spoiling Leah's dinner. Real fucking nice, Amber. 

I don't know how old Christina's daughter is or what was wrong, but I hope she is okay now. My 2-year-old niece was in the hospital for 5 days last week and it was the scariest thing our family has ever faced. My heart truly went out to Christina, having to deal with that. And Amber should have bent over backword to help in any way she could, and not made it about her. 

 

Maci is yawn once again. Benny was super cute trying on his suit, and I loved how happy the group dinner made him. 

I continue to be baffled by this relationship with Ryan and the new girl. I see zero chemistry there, and he looks like a sleepy toddler in every damn scene. I am starting to think she is his paid, live-in nurse/minder - not his girlfriend. 

Final thought - does Maci run into her friends' houses and change them into those dreadful pocket shirts before filming starts? That shit is ugly and I cannot believe every damn one of their friends wants to be decked out in TTM gear all the time?

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@ghoulina,  Cate's "you gotta do what you, gotta do"  reminded me of April saying "A girls gotta do, what a girls gotta do".  In regards to Farrah's sex tape. I don't remember what Cate was saying about it,  but April cracked me up.  She wasn't hating Farrah's hustle. 

Edited by imjagain
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10 hours ago, Madison Bumgarner said:

And now those fucks are driving a Range Rover around?!

Forgot to mention this in my original post, but was Leah not wearing a seat belt in those driving scenes???

Okay, I see someone noticed she had it on, but not correctly. WTF is wrong with Amber? I always make sure my kids are belted and I'd never let that lap belt only shit fly. I'm always glancing in the rear view to make sure everyone is seated properly and what not. 

1 hour ago, poeticlicensed said:

As for the aftershow, I turned it off after they each one by one defended not working by saying the teen mom is a job. Um OK. Cate said stay at home mom is a ft job. I would buy that if she ever actually took care if nova. Nova spends more time with assorted family than cate spends with her.

Ugh, I'm glad I didn't watch. I had too many conflicts on my DVR and I chose Mars and Parks and Rec over the stupid aftershow. Totally not regretting it now. Honestly, I wouldn't even care if they didn't work because they get paid enough from this gig IF they were doing something else productive with their time (school, volunteering, etc.) and/or putting all that extra money away for their kids, instead of buying house after car after pig. 

 

1 hour ago, Uncle JUICE said:

And finally, the denim diapered grandma

Bahahahaha! UJ your entire post gives me life, as always, but this was the cherry on top, right here. Oh my word. YES. What the fuck was Deb wearing???? Just no. 

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7 hours ago, schroob said:

With the way Farrah has been laying into Debra, especially about Debra and her BFs, I wonder if there wasn't a past BF who tried to assault Farrah. That really makes me hope that IRL Farrah and Debra are great pals and do the arguing schtick for the ratings.

Honey Lake = a community of Honey Buckets = doody

Maybe Farrah is just jealous that Debra managed to get engaged to said boyfriends  (something Farrah has been longing for for quite some time. )

2 minutes ago, woodscommaelle said:

Didn't like Maci's dress or the bridesmaid's dresses.

I didn't like how they looked on the show either, but I've seen the wedding pictures and they looked beautiful there.

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2 hours ago, Uncle JUICE said:

And what the hell with the new car! I bet THAT's in Amber's name. Can someone please describe the garment she's wearing in the last segment? It's like a kimono made out of drapes from a retirement home, maybe? 

She was dressed like Mrs. Roper on Three's Company.

Gah.  She has a Range Rover!  Makes me mad.  What the fuck for?  Want!

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56 minutes ago, pakalolo said:

Maybe y'all were too distracted by her frosted blue eyeshadow, but did anyone else notice Gary's mom has a pierced tongue? Ew. 

I thought I was going crazy. Thank god someone else saw it. I bet she has a tramp stamp, too. ETA I can't take credit for the denim diaper grandma, I think I read it somewhere, I just don't know where, sorry. Also, totally right on Mrs. Roper. 

Edited by Uncle JUICE
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Amber pisses me off.. Typical deadbeat parent.  Only sees their child when it's convenient for them then cries and wants sympathy because they never get to see their kid.  My ex had an open door policy to see our daughter.. Pretty much whenever he asked he saw her. Which was hardly ever.   He felt he was paying too much child support so he took me to court and cried to the judge that I kept our daughter from him.  Even tho I have hundreds of texts messages where I asked him to watch her so I could go to work or if he wanted to see her in a weekend he always said no.. But the judge took pity on him because here was a dad who actually wanted to see his kid (or pretended to!)  and she gave him more visitation and reduced his child support.  He's sup to see her eight days a month and he might see her one or two days.  Depends on how busy he is even though he's laid off from workapparntly everything else takes priority over his child.  But like Amber he'd be quick to take her for ice cream and ruin her dinner lol.. Amber doesn't want Leah.  She's too much work. But she wants everyone to feel bad for her. 

So white trash of cate and Tyler to spend over $20,000  to update a double wide trailer.  That contractor definitely took advantage of them but they deserve it lol.  That trailer wasn't even on a  basement.  What was wrong with their other house? 

Maci.. Can't pick apart anything except why the heck do they send their kids to daycare so much?  Maverick is so young!  I could see taking them to grandparents while they have a BBQ but to daycare on a Saturday?  Seems they pawn their kids  off a lot.  Bentley looked so cute.  Ryan was really talkative. 

 

I can't even watch Farrah.  Everything age is on screen I get a headache. 

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