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Uncle JUICE

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  1. Maybe the worst episode that didn't feature alcohol or over sexual assault. This group of guests are the worst kind of ignorami: the kind who think they're experts on EVERYTHING and can't wait to make you know it. If you wanted brazilian steakhouse and brazilian dancers, GO TO FUCKING BRAZIL. That steak looked gorgeous, and he took pieces he knew weren't to his preference will full foreknowledge that more well done pieces were coming, then turned his nose up like a baby. "We want a big gay breakfast..." Definitely want that clarified, but you know as well as I do the answer would have been "Well, we want you to interpret that in your own way, as an artiste!" and thereby every answer was wrong. He should have just made a big breakfast and told them "Well, this breakfast is pretty friggin gay, with Sandy here, there's like seven gay people at this table." Do all super yachts stock inflatable dicks and cock shaped cake pans? Did she call into provisioners especially for that? The big controversy: Max won't apologize for Sandy getting bizarrely mad at his saying there's nothing for him to eat. The adult way to handle it is "Ask the chef," and when he says no, the conversation is over. You don't want to ask the chef to make you something, and you don't want any leftovers that are available, I guess you're not so hungry. Trust me he won't starve before the next meal. And Max, no one cares if you're excited to wash the dishes. Complain while you scrub, asshole. ETA I hate this show and I hate myself for watching it.
  2. This show was absolutely boring as hell. It's an absolute shit show from the crew to these intolerable guests, including bargain bin Harvey Weinstein. What kind of asshole adult goes anywhere and starts throwing things at another adult? I swear to god this show is the best anti-alcohol ad ever made.
  3. I want the next charter to be full of dudes in their fifties, insisting that the female crew members all strip as part of their evening entertainment. Nobody better say a fucking word, either. It's disgusting regardless of the gender, everyone. And not because people who take off their clothes for a living are doing anything wrong. You sign up to be on a yacht to park the boat, to clean the deck, to put out pool toys no one wants to use. Well within your rights to say "I'm sorry, but taking off my clothes for you isn't really in my job description." It's fucking gross, the level of entitlement these rich-ish (you know so few of them have real money, this show is a way to fake as if you do even if you're 'just' a millionaire) twats, and not a one of them was like "These people are young enough to be my grandson." You want to go to a strip club, fairly certain you can find one on your vacation. Let them wash the fucking windows and work.
  4. I like how confused attractive people like Nat get whenever someone else is finally sick of what a terrible personality they have. And it's not limited to Nat, it's just the latest episode. It happens all the time to the guys, too, in this franchise, they're used to just being hot and getting around obstacles that way. Once all that capital is spent, people realize you're just an unusually attractive asshole and they cannot figure out what to do next, they're entirely unequipped.
  5. Major issue here for me, maybe this board can help. If the Force is essentially a biological component, and anyone who believes hard enough, regardless of actual biological force sensitivity, can USE the force as we say here...then what's the point of going to the Jedi academy, exactly? What do they do that's special, besides apparently swear off relationships and act like know-it-alls even though they got absolutely PLAYED by Palpatine for like two decades. It seems like only the haughtiest assholes would succeed at the Jedi Academy. Hey, at least she and Ezra had that poignant conversation about this decision, about its ramifications on the sacrifice Ezra made, on the implications now that Thrawn has escaped exile which he couldn't have done without Sabine, how Ezra's pretty pissed, etc... Oh wait, sorry, that didn't happen in the show. Sorry! :)
  6. For. Fucking. REAL. Particularly after Elsbeth was freed, I mean you think you'd look at some of your practices and make some modifications. "Guys, why is (a) a General leading a welcome party for an unknown ship of Imperial origin with an apparently malfunctioning transponder, and (b) our standard procedure "report to the ship with guns drawn," I mean there has to be a better way to do this!"
  7. This is a major problem, because this is actually what the show Thrawn behaves like. The character originally is far, far more interesting. But his main tactic seems to be "acceptable losses" and that's supposed to translate into tactical genius. I feel like the Night Sisters would have had some strong reactions to his destruction of their temple, that's not something book Thrawn would have done. He'd have just left. No turbolasers to take out some folks on horseback, in fact he wouldn't have even bothered with that. Book THrawn would have just said "Let's close and seal all doors in the main staircase while the engines warm up."
  8. Whoo boy. On balance, this show landed where I needed it to: above Kenobi, below Mando 1/2. In other words, it's decent, but it's not compelling, and I found this finale frigging deflating. In hindsight Ray Stevenson ends up entirely wasted, having no lines in most of the last two episodes, it's the one miss I can't really blame anyone but the fates for. Everything else, problematic. It leans far too heavily on stuff that can only be known from watching Rebels, which is unfair as this show was pitched as a standalone. Can someone point me to the episode where they explain the Mortis gods? There isn't one. So Baylan standing on those two Argonath (I love that no one is calling them anything but that), it doesn't land like I think the show thought it would. Shin's going to join / lead a band of raiders; what exactly are they meant to raid? Those turtles? Who wants whatever they have??? WHAT FOR? The same can be said of the Night Sisters. In this show's frame of reference, there's nothing but "These Are The Night Sisters And They Work For Thrawn." So who the fuck are they and why should we care? What's this sword we've never heard of, and why is it so important? Never explained beyond "Needed to get a night sister to have a lightsaber so we could see a rematch of a fight we never saw and didn't ask for, while better and more interesting opponents are still on the board." Is Thrawn a tactical genius? Where's the show's evidence? A tactical genius would have forgotten about the jedi he's stranding on the planet completely, and just taken off! He even is quoted in the recap saying it doesn't matter if they die or they're stranded, but he still futzes around sending resources after them. Why is Ezra so important? Never explained. As someone pointed out above, his escape, from Super Genius Thrawn's capital ship, is executed entirely off screen!!! If you're going to do that sort of shit, then leave him aboard the Chimera until next season, which should probably have just started with the Chimera dropping out of hyperspace in the proper galaxy. Sabine goes from "the least talented Jedi candidate" Huyang's seen in 25000 years to basically superb force user in a space of about two screen minutes. Honestly what's the point of the Force in general, and the Jedi specifically, if using the Force is this easy to pick up? What exactly did this pay off? THis show doesn't do lightsaber fights well, either. Rosario Dawson, whose performance really grew on me, might be getting done dirty here by production, but the saber fighting looks slow and stodgy with her. THe woman who played Morgan is a martial artist and her action showed it. Rosario Dawson is tentative and stiff looking by comparison. Her fight with Baylan was far better because he too was slow and brutish. Good season, bad bad bad finale.
  9. It's a good practical possibility, but honestly how much makeup time could the arms take in comparison to the face? And if it's that big a deal, then make sleeves. The cloak makes her look slow, it hides the movement, and the whole enterprise feels weirdly unathletic. I know you can't expect a real life person to fight with the athleticism and grace that the character showed in the last duel with Maul, but this is closer to watchin Old Ben Kenobi than it is to watching peak Obi Wan Kenobi.
  10. Disagree here. I hated seeing Threepio, and it's not because I don't like him as a character, I like him just fine. I just don't need to constantly be reminded that this entire universe revolves around four people, all the time. It's such a giant space, and we have multiple, multiple instances of stories working sans Skywalkers. I wasn't even big on the Anakin holo, nice for the Christiansen Redemption Tour (deseed, by the way). It just makes for too many timeline questions, and questions like "Why would he have recorded this exactly in this way? Also STOP FIGHTING IN YOUR CLOAK. It couldn't look less dynamic.
  11. Perhaps for the more REbels /Clone Wars veterans, but if you watched Kenobi you'd know what I'm talking about. I'd like to know which Inquisitor it was that invented the weedwhacker lightsaber and used it with such success that the rest of the corps was like "YASSSSSSSS! That's our squad's official weapon for sure," because whenever you switch on the "rotate" feature, you always end up getting your ass whooped. I can't even figure out how it would be advantageous, I mean I guess you can throw it, but I've never seen that work either. ANd to hit your opponent with the spinny parts, they have to be within arm's length, no? Otherwise aren't you ALSO getting weedwhacked? Stupid ass weapon. Even stupider when that one dude flew away on his on Malecore, only to get shot down like the asshole he was.
  12. It's also because the dining room on that boat is straight up depressing because you can't see the water from anywhere. It's like a conference room. I wouldn't want to eat in there either if I were on a private yacht charter.
  13. God I want to love this show so hard. But this episode makes me worry. What is even the point of shooting at a space ship with your space ship if 1200 hits don't do anything? And I wish they'd have shown the meeting where Shin returned to the mother ship thing and said "I almost took her out, dang it" and Balon and Morgan were like "Aw, no big deal, you blew up her ship when it was disabled, right?" "No, she was outside of the ship so I just thought we should shoot at her specifically." Balon looks frustrated. "Wait, what? Get those other four guys you and Morok had in here, I want to hear their version." "She lightsabered their ships and they're now dead." "WHAT? Hang on, she sliced a fighter in half with her...what setting do you have YOUR lightsaber on, exactly?" And also hated the whole "Now get me!" thing. Bitch, you have the Force! USE THE GOD DAMN FORCE. This is ahsoka Tano, the woman who froze Maul mid flight from that Venator cruiser in the masterful last moments of TCW. Would have been far more badass for her to use what's clearly serious Force powers to smash those ships together and then frightening off Shin and Morok. Dialogue is starting to trouble me, too. Like Filoni is getting a little high on his own supply. So many lines just sound like placeholders that a tiny tune up could improve drastically. "I wanna be a Jedi," for example. TOo on the nose.
  14. I refuse to look it up. Dafuq is a Slim Aarons theme? And how on earth would anyone know how to build a party around it? I hate these theme parties so badly. But at least these people weren't crazy dickwads.
  15. I can't explain the weird pauses, but I concur that there were sequences (the cuddling of the temple that opened the show, for one, Sabine's squinting at the hologram to figure it out as another) that went on a little too long. As to the slow and somewhat expository pace, do you think maybe that's because they can't assume everyone knows who these people are? We have an existing relationship with these characters, and I think their biggest challenge is to hook those that don't. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just trying to find the why. As to the map thing, GREAT POINTS. How would that have even worked, I guess who cares, it's a macguffin, and hopefully we never go back to it, but there's still a scene where she fights baylen under one of those maps, soooo.... Andor would have found someone from THrawn's flagship and tortured the fuck out of them to find out :)
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