Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!

[Libby96]

Yes, a pair of tiny shoes is a thousand times classier than a used pee stick.

Sociologically, I think it's interesting how people view discussing pregnancy has changed over the decades. I remember my aunt telling me that even though she was almost nine when my dad was born, her own mother didn't say a word about her pregnancy even to her own children. My aunt literally came home and there was a new baby brother. She said she never heard my grandma ever say the word pregnant. My dad was born in 1942.

Fast forward seven decades, and some of the supposedly most conservative and "modest" people in America announce their pregnancy on a magazine cover, hands on the belly, before the first trimester is even over.

Now I'm not saying my grandma's way was the best. In fact it is a little repressed and almost makes pregnancy seem like a vaguely shameful thing. I just think it's interesting how far the pendulum has swung.

[abseedee]

That is a good point. Jill certainly knows the risks of making a pregnancy public.  Guess she is more experienced than we are and feels this is the way to go. 

Maybe she truly feels she is "encouraging" people by sharing her highs and lows, joys and sadness. 

I feel Jim Bob enjoys the cash from the show but I suspect the Duggar girls really feel they are part of a ministry. 

 

I'm very happy for Dill's mother.  My mom was in the midst of a rough cancer battle (which she eventually lost) and my baby was the BEST gift! 

I'm happy for Dill's mom too.  I didn't realize she was adopted and that her first grandbaby is going to be as she said, her 3rd blood relative in the world. 

[mbutterfly]

Yes, a pair of tiny shoes is a thousand times classier than a used pee stick.

Sociologically, I think it's interesting how people view discussing pregnancy has changed over the decades. I remember my aunt telling me that even though she was almost nine when my dad was born, her own mother didn't say a word about her pregnancy even to her own children. My aunt literally came home and there was a new baby brother. She said she never heard my grandma ever say the word pregnant. My dad was born in 1942.

Fast forward seven decades, and some of the supposedly most conservative and "modest" people in America announce their pregnancy on a magazine cover, hands on the belly, before the first trimester is even over.

Now I'm not saying my grandma's way was the best. In fact it is a little repressed and almost makes pregnancy seem like a vaguely shameful thing. I just think it's interesting how far the pendulum has swung.

And just to pick up on this. These folks, in many ways, seem to believe values in the mid-twentieth century were more godly. In so many ways they attempt to emulate mom-and-pop entrepreneurial lifestyles, for example. And that is surely fine. But why do they not also practice the sort of modesty that was customary then?  I would be fine and quite supportive of anyone who did that. In fact, I actually know people who practice such modest ways, and they are generally respected for it. Why is it not the way of the Gothard and ATI people? Several people here are pretty knowledgeable and I would love to hear from anyone on this subject. 

Edited August 23, 2014 by mbutterfly

[DangerousMinds]

Jill is all about the social media these days. Pinterest and Instagram, are her friends. If the photographer mentioned either to her, I could see her being all over it. Just be thankful we didn't get the couples heart shaped hands over the used pee stick. That one is always tacky, but yet I've see it so many times.

People are so tacky and ridiculous. Edited August 23, 2014 by DangerousMinds

[cereality]

Just read the People article. Nothing in there that you wouldn't expect.

 

The only thing that stuck out -- Derick says that they still want to live abroad and do mission work and are working to make that happen; he thinks they'll leave in anywhere from 2-5 years. He also says that it's hard for kids to adjust to a new culture, but they will likely homeschool. Nice to see that he has completely bought into the Duggar way of thinking. I would be surprised if he himself was homeschooled and then ended up going to a huge university -- it's possible but unlikely. I'm not sure why he doesn't want his kid to have the advantages he had. And if they're planning on going 2-5 yrs from now and they keep living in the state of "we're not trying for a baby but not preventing" -- they will likely have 2-3 kids. How easy or realistic is it to go live overseas in harsh conditions with a family? I know one of Anna's sisters is doing it, but do Jill and Derick really want to live like that?

[DangerousMinds]

And just to pick up on this. These folks, in many ways, seem to believe values in the mid-twentieth century were more godly. In so many ways they attempt to emulate mom-and-pop entrepreneurial lifestyles, for example. And that is surely fine. But why do they not also practice the sort of modesty that was customary then?  I would be fine and quite supportive of anyone who did that. In fact, I actually know people who practice such modest ways, and they are generally respected for it. Why is it not the way of the Gothard and ATI people? Several people here are pretty knowledgeable and I would love to hear from anyone on this subject.

I think they have really lost the plot when it comes to "modesty." No, it doesn't solely refer to clothing choices.

[LazyToaster]

@Libby96 - your story was interesting - I have a similar one from my family.  My late mother-in-law, who was born in 1925, had an antique cradle from her family, BTW, it is still in the family, all the babies in the family have their picture taken in it :o)  Anyway - the story is that her great-grandfather and his wife bought it at an auction for their first child.  The problem was, since it was their first baby it would have been improper to bid on the cradle because you didn't talk about being "in the family way".  So, great-grandpa's older brother who already had a family bid on it for him. 

 

Now, that sounds so old fashioned to me and it isn't that I would say it is better; however, sometimes I wish things were not quite so open and since the Duggar family is so into modesty, it really seems odd to me that they talk so openly about cycles, pregnancy tests, etc.  

[Rhondinella]

Yes, a pair of tiny shoes is a thousand times classier than a used pee stick.

Sociologically, I think it's interesting how people view discussing pregnancy has changed over the decades. I remember my aunt telling me that even though she was almost nine when my dad was born, her own mother didn't say a word about her pregnancy even to her own children. My aunt literally came home and there was a new baby brother. She said she never heard my grandma ever say the word pregnant. My dad was born in 1942.

Fast forward seven decades, and some of the supposedly most conservative and "modest" people in America announce their pregnancy on a magazine cover, hands on the belly, before the first trimester is even over.

Now I'm not saying my grandma's way was the best. In fact it is a little repressed and almost makes pregnancy seem like a vaguely shameful thing. I just think it's interesting how far the pendulum has swung.

 

I see this also in the announcing what your child's whole name will be before he/she is born.  It seems like this has become more a thing in the last 10-15 years or so.  In my pregnancy days, which are just outside that window, you would certainly discuss possible name choices with your family or maybe close friends.  But even then it was usually more along the lines of "we're thinking of naming him Andrew" (my oldest son's name) rather than definitively announcing to the whole world that "in 4 months we will be welcoming Andrew Timothy Jones" or whatever.  The first few times I saw that I remember thinking how very odd it was.  Of course, that might be because I dithered about middle names for my kids in a couple cases until AFTER they were born, so .  .  .

 

When I lived in Belgium I hung out with people from other countries who were also there as students.  A girl from Poland in our group was pregnant.  When we held a shower for her (thrown by the Americans cause it was a pretty foreign concept to the Europeans at that time) we asked what she was going to name the baby and she looked horrified, explaining that in her country they don't name the child until like 6 weeks after they are born.  The philosophy was that you needed to get to know a child and their personality before you could name them appropriately.  I found that interesting.

 

Aaaanyway, as the mod I should probably get back on topic. :-)

[Skittl1321]

" I would be surprised if he himself was homeschooled and then ended up going to a huge university"

There were plenty of homeschooled people at my huge state university. Lots of homeschoolers are actually really motivated to learn.

[Sew Sumi]

Cathy Dillard (don't remember her 2nd husband's name) had a full-time career with Wal-Mart when Derick and his brother were school-age (she's a self-employed consultant now). She holds a Master's degree and held an executive position with the company for about 20 years before leaving about 7 years ago (yes, I've seen her resume).

 

 

So to answer the question: No, Derick and his brother were not homeschooled.

 

I'm sure either Derick or Jill took a picture of the positive pee stick. It may well still show up on Instagram when the "coast is clear" from the People spread. Tacky, but it beats Priscilla tying a ribbon around hers and leaving it on the bed, with a card, for TFDW to find when he came home from work. Of course, he recorded everything and posted it to YouTube. Now that's SUPER tacky!

[Mrs. P.]

Re: Homeschooling

Good friends of ours decided to homeschool their 3 daughters. They are evangelical Christians but not Gothard-type fundamentalists. All 3 girls graduated from good colleges, one of them from the Air Force Academy.

Edited August 24, 2014 by Mrs. P.

[Temperance]

I can't believe people actually do the pee stick thing (Not that I don't believe you; just haven't seen that one.)

As for announcing the name, I guess it could get old, but I personally was more annoyed  by a friend who wanted to be "surprised" about everything. She told us what her top two choices were and then called the unborn child by her favorite name for her gender. Then the baby came and surprise it was the opposite gender of what she had been pretending the baby was. 

For some inexplicable reason, I think Jill and Derrick might pick a biblical name like Ruth. 

Edited August 24, 2014 by Temperance

[Hpmec]

The People article confirmed my suspicions that Derick has, to quote a cliche, bought the whole Duggar enchilada. He's living in a Duggar house, is the father of the first of no doubt many DUGGARdillard grandchildren who are sure to be indoctrinated into the ways of the Gothard cult, and now he's talking homeschooling. For a guy whose mom is an educated career woman and who attended public schools, including a public university, there's no sign that he's following in his own or his family's footsteps. He sold out very quickly. I hope that any other conservative young men with the hots for a Duggar daughter will look at Derick as a cautionary tale and stay the hell away.

Edited August 24, 2014 by Hpmec

[alt0233]

Just read the People article. Nothing in there that you wouldn't expect.

The only thing that stuck out -- Derick says that they still want to live abroad and do mission work and are working to make that happen; he thinks they'll leave in anywhere from 2-5 years. He also says that it's hard for kids to adjust to a new culture, but they will likely homeschool. Nice to see that he has completely bought into the Duggar way of thinking. I would be surprised if he himself was homeschooled and then ended up going to a huge university -- it's possible but unlikely. I'm not sure why he doesn't want his kid to have the advantages he had. And if they're planning on going 2-5 yrs from now and they keep living in the state of "we're not trying for a baby but not preventing" -- they will likely have 2-3 kids. How easy or realistic is it to go live overseas in harsh conditions with a family? I know one of Anna's sisters is doing it, but do Jill and Derick really want to live like that?

Homeschooling is huge among people living abroad for missionary work - I doubt this is solely a Duggar thing. And considering the fact that Derick lived abroad for a couple of years, I'd guess that he met one or more families that were missionaries accrued and has an idea of what he's getting into bringing a family abroad. Though I do agree that the larger their family gets the less likely actually moving abroad is. To be honest, I can't see Jill ever using hormonal birth control or a barrier method, but I could MAYBE see her using FAM or the rhythm method in order to do mission work. I don't entirely get the 'God laid it on our hearts' thing, but I wonder if it could be possible that God lays it on their hearts to focus on mission work first, and then on growing their family? Or something like that?

[fliptopbox]

Considering I am in that realm of childbearing age, and so are most of my friends I am subject to a shitload of pregnancy talk. Most of it I am totally cool with, and I can easily tune it out. But some girls just act like they are the first woman on the planet to have a baby and every tiny detail turns into a GIANT ANNOUNCEMENT! From the gender, to the name, to even the color scheme of the nursery. Next thing you know the trendy thing is gonna be filming deliveries and posting them to Facebook, cos TMI knows no bounds.

[DangerousMinds]

A lot of special snowflakes out there.

[Ivy26]

See, I'm not worried about the Derrick/ homeschool thing.  They haven't been married six months, he's getting it on a regular basis, he'll say yes to everything as long as Jill keeps giving that sweet sweet lovin'.  Good Lord, a lot of us are parents...didn't WE have ideals for how perfect our family life, and our first child, would be?  Cloth diapers, organic baby food made by our own hands, teaching our darlings to read at six months, etc? 

Give it three years.  They'll get the hard reality of rearing multiple kids and wanting to do missionary work.  And by that time, maybe Derrick and his mama will sway Jill off the Kool-Aid and into a few sips of Moscato :-)

 

Oh, and for those who think otherwise, NONE of us are bashing homeschooling.  But we've seen for years the difference between regular homeschooled children and the Duggar homeschooling.  Vast as the Grand Canyon. 

[LazyToaster]

Maybe when the newness and shininess wears off everything Derrick will face up to certain things including the lack in Duggar education. I can't believe he won't want better for his own children.

[floridamom]

First of all folks, you have to be home to homeschool. We know that the Duggars' social life and traveling take a front seat here.

I don't think that Jill will have the time while living in a third world country, where everyday life is hard, the food and drink is substandard and it harder to come by and prepare. The local produce must be handled far more than our country to be made safe to eat. I know from  family of a friend who have been abroad for 2 years and life's everyday hardships were magnified. Homeschooling will be nearly impossible; complicate that with being a missionary and midwife delivering babies? Who will care for her own children during that time? Does Derick think that his mother was sinning to have gone to real school, college and have a real, respectable job outside the home? I certainly hope NOT.

IMO, "Duggar Education" is an oxymoron.

[lottiedottie]

Maybe when the newness and shininess wears off everything Derrick will face up to certain things including the lack in Duggar education. I can't believe he won't want better for his own children.

There will come a day when Derrick realizes that Jill isn't teaching their kids anything that's actually academic (beyond basic reading, writing and mathematics). Michelle managed to get through high school but you know there's no way she taught her kids high school level academics because she was too busy having babies and making her kids take care of them. So, since the only think Jill has learned the last ten years is how to take care of babies, she doesn't have the skills to teach her own kids anything beyond the basics. I see a trickle down of less educated offspring with each subsequent generation if they decide to keep this way of life up.

[Zahdii]

If Derrick expects Jill to go to an underdeveloped country and start delivering babies, he owes it to his future ministry to insist that Jill get the best midwifery education possible.  They'd also start thinking about what supplies Jill will need to do the job as best she can.  What she'll have available locally will depend on where they go, but for something as serious as delivering babies in a third world country they need to really start thinking about various scenarios. 

 

The best way to do that is for Jill to continue her training and space out her children so she has time to be a wife, mother, and midwife/missionary.  There's so much to be done if you want to do it right. 

 

Quite frankly, I take exception to an entitled American showing up somewhere and all they have to offer is telling people that they should convert to Gothardism and have as many babies as possible.  Much better to learn about the people they're trying to help, learn the basics of the local language, maybe even <gasp> ask the people what they want.  Derrick and Jill aren't in a position to change the political climate and such, but if they deal with issues pertinent to the local area they're in and just dig in and help, everyone would be better off.  If someone asks why they're being so helpful, they might then say that their religion asks it of them and give a brief explanation.  People who are interested can ask more questions, and the rest can simply get some help.  That's so much better than telling people (no matter how nicely) that they're all wrong but we missionaries are in the right - oh, and go have more babies!

[Fuzzysox]

I don't see them ever going overseas to do anything but a 2 week mini vacation errrr I mean missionary work. When Derrick was single it was easy for him to do missionary work but add lots of kids to the mix I don't see it happening and he has a good job why give that up to become another Gil Bates (had a good job at Nabisco--gave it up to be dirt poor)

[Dejana]

Derick is the one who was seemingly a good catch, on paper at least, for a woman with an upbringing similar to his, yet he chose to get a wife through Jim Bob, rather than the singles group at the nearest mega-church or Christian Mingle. Is it really surprising that the Duggar lifestyle would be appealing to a guy who jumped through all the hoops to seek out a Duggar daughter?

Edited August 24, 2014 by Dejana

[mbutterfly]

If Derrick expects Jill to go to an underdeveloped country and start delivering babies, he owes it to his future ministry to insist that Jill get the best midwifery education possible.  They'd also start thinking about what supplies Jill will need to do the job as best she can.  What she'll have available locally will depend on where they go, but for something as serious as delivering babies in a third world country they need to really start thinking about various scenarios. 

 

The best way to do that is for Jill to continue her training and space out her children so she has time to be a wife, mother, and midwife/missionary.  There's so much to be done if you want to do it right. 

 

Quite frankly, I take exception to an entitled American showing up somewhere and all they have to offer is telling people that they should convert to Gothardism and have as many babies as possible.  Much better to learn about the people they're trying to help, learn the basics of the local language, maybe even <gasp> ask the people what they want.  Derrick and Jill aren't in a position to change the political climate and such, but if they deal with issues pertinent to the local area they're in and just dig in and help, everyone would be better off.  If someone asks why they're being so helpful, they might then say that their religion asks it of them and give a brief explanation.  People who are interested can ask more questions, and the rest can simply get some help.  That's so much better than telling people (no matter how nicely) that they're all wrong but we missionaries are in the right - oh, and go have more babies!

I can think of few things worse than going into a third world country and teaching that Jesus wants them to have as many babies as possible. 

[roamyn]

I think it's not for anyone to say anything abt people showing up to do 2 week mission work.

My children were very involved in mission work from 6th grade to young adults. Because our church has a 5-2 teen-adult ratio per team, that's the longest time frame they could do. Most adults who aren't Duggars have full-time jobs and can't afford more than that career-wise.

The longer term groups ended up going to Haiti or PR or Mexico (tho they've stopped that country for now), while thosr that could only go for a week went on mission trips to inner cities or very very rural areas in the US.

You'd be surprised what one can accomplish in only a week or two.

So maybe Jill & Derrick won't be gone long. That doesn't make them non-productive missionaries. And maybe they will. Maybe they'll mission in the US & maybe overseas.

Mission doesn't have to mean preaching all the time. At one dinner in SC that a community put on as a Thank You aft doing work for a poor area devestated ny Hurricane Hugo, one older black woman stood up to say she didn't realize how nice white people could be.

That's mission work.

[Zahdii]

I can think of few things worse than going into a third world country and teaching that Jesus wants them to have as many babies as possible. 

 

Of course there are worse things.  But where is it written that Jesus wants poor people in developing countries to have as many children as possible? 

 

Teaching people about basic health care, nutrition, and family planning seems to be a much better option.  Why have 20 pregnancies if only a few children live to adulthood?  Wouldn't it be better to teach people natural family planning so they don't have to bury so many children? 

 

It seems better to me to spread knowledge that will enable people to live more comfortably, grow more food, feed themselves and their children better.  What's so wrong with having only a few children that the parents can grow and nurture, educate and raise to adulthood?  In some areas of the world the parents have as many children as possible in the hope that they have a few that survive to adulthood.  I don't understand why losing half or more of your many children is better than having only a few and devoting all of your resources to them. 

Edited August 24, 2014 by Zahdii

[mimionthebeach]

Of course there are worse things. But where is it written that Jesus wants poor people in developing countries to have as many children as possible?

Teaching people about basic health care, nutrition, and family planning seems to be a much better option. Why have 20 pregnancies if only a few children live to adulthood? Wouldn't it be better to teach people natural family planning so they don't have to bury so many children?

It seems better to me to spread knowledge that will enable people to live more comfortably, grow more food, feed themselves and their children better. What's so wrong with having only a few children that the parents can grow and nurture, educate and raise to adulthood? In some areas of the world the parents have as many children as possible in the hope that they have a few that survive to adulthood. I don't understand why losing half or more of your many children is better than having only a few and devoting all of your resources to them.

I misread mbutterfly the first time but there's no "a" before "few", so I realized she's agreeing it's a bad thing. I think it's immoral myself especially for a group that believes so vociferously that children are a blessing. To advocate their brand of fecundity in a region lacking sufficient resources and health care would be disgusting.

[Ljohnson1987]

I can imagine the conversations between Jill and Anna. Anna: "It took me 4 long months to conceive Kenzie". Jill: "I conceived on my wedding night".

 

Anna will forever be upstaged by Jill. All someone has to do now is conceive out of wedlock. 

[Ljohnson1987]

And it said that Dill is looking forward to finding out the jender soon. I expect a reveal on the Today Show or GMA. J'Chelle and Boob will milk this for all it's worth. 

[mimionthebeach]

And it said that Dill is looking forward to finding out the jender soon. I expect a reveal on the Today Show or GMA. J'Chelle and Boob will milk this for all it's worth.

I see what you did there.

[GEML]

A generation ago, it was standard practice for missionaries to send their children to boarding school so the parents could better concentrate on the "important work" of missions. After several boarding schools were rocked by scandals both sexual and disciplinary, it has become routine now for missionaries to homeschool. There are plenty of excellent curriculums out there - it's just a shame that the Duggars are tied to a few of the worst.

And most mission work today, at a serious, long term level, involves people going over and training people who actually live in the countries how to better serve their populations. It's often tied to schools, seminaries, clinics and libraries. It's not at all a two week project or "preaching" the way you might picture it from old stories.

[Ljohnson1987]

The Duggars are not missionaries. They're "We will go where the tragedy is to get more material for our show".  Derrick was a real missionary. 

[PinkSprinkles]

I can imagine the conversations between Jill and Anna. Anna: "It took me 4 long months to conceive Kenzie". Jill: "I conceived on my wedding night".

 

Anna will forever be upstaged by Jill. All someone has to do now is conceive out of wedlock. 

 

Anna's sister Susanna did. 

[Ljohnson1987]

True. But I meant one of the Duggars. 

[roamyn]

And most mission work today, at a serious, long term level, involves people going over and training people who actually live in the countries how to better serve their populations. It's often tied to schools, seminaries, clinics and libraries. It's not at all a two week project or "preaching" the way you might picture it from old stories.

I completely disagree w/this statement.

As long as you're not doing it for a show (ala the Duggars) who is to say how long a mission trip has to be.

After all, how many here are going to run down areas or 3rd world countries, to share their time & experience?

My children use their mission work on their resume for school & jobs. They would be offended & hurt that someone downplayed the work they did & experiences they createdm

[Libby96]

Ljohnson1987, jender = awesome. There ought to be a trademark on that one.

Derrick and Jill do seem to be a good match in many ways, but I do wonder why as a more moderate Christian he was so willing to start jumping through the Duggar hoops. He has an education, so he doesn't need the Duggar gravy train. Do you think he saw Jill on the show and just developed a crush on her, got to know Jim Bob, and fortunately for him Jill was attracted to him too? I certainly see him as a guy who could have found a Christian wife in a normal dating situation.

[Hpmec]

Derick dressed up to be his school's mascot. He liked the spotlight then, and he's enjoying it tremendously now. I think that by ingratiating himself with JimBoob he knew exactly what he was doing. He's proving himself to be as much a fame you-know-what as any of them.

[BitterApple]

Hpmec, totally agree. I think both Derick and Jill are proving themselves to be big, fat famewhores. I'm sure she'll be registering for 50k worth of crap at Babies R Us before the month is out. 

[Temperance]

Is it possible Derrick wants to do more mission work, because at some point he wants to be far away from his in-laws? Like a completely different country far away from his in-laws?

The more I think about it the more it makes sense. Poor Jill has been out of her parents sight for a what a weekend with her sisters a few times. Maybe a week. In general she has spent her whole life around her family. Imagine you've never lived away from your parents. Imagine you've never lived with fewer than seven or eight people and are usually surrounded by over dozen people. Imagine you never went to school and you spend almost every hour of every day with the whole family. Imagine you suddenly leave and are living with just one person. Imagine you wake up in bed with one other person in the room and not four or five or eight other people like there are usually in your room.` Jill would probably feel extremely isolated if they had moved immediately after the wedding to Katmandu or some place. He may be trying to ween her away from the family slowly. First step move in with Derrick, second step get home of own...

[mbutterfly]

I think it's not for anyone to say anything abt people showing up to do 2 week mission work.

My children were very involved in mission work from 6th grade to young adults. Because our church has a 5-2 teen-adult ratio per team, that's the longest time frame they could do. Most adults who aren't Duggars have full-time jobs and can't afford more than that career-wise.

The longer term groups ended up going to Haiti or PR or Mexico (tho they've stopped that country for now), while thosr that could only go for a week went on mission trips to inner cities or very very rural areas in the US.

You'd be surprised what one can accomplish in only a week or two.

So maybe Jill & Derrick won't be gone long. That doesn't make them non-productive missionaries. And maybe they will. Maybe they'll mission in the US & maybe overseas.

Mission doesn't have to mean preaching all the time. At one dinner in SC that a community put on as a Thank You aft doing work for a poor area devestated ny Hurricane Hugo, one older black woman stood up to say she didn't realize how nice white people could be.

That's mission work.

I want to agree with this. I have thought about replying a couple of times. In our own church mission teams often go for 2-week periods. But they are doing as you say. They go into Haiti for example and pick up the rebuilding work that has been done by the people who were there the weeks before, tag-teaming while local organizers stay on the ground. It is even different denominations working together often. Or they go with a medical team and inoculate after a weather disaster. What they do not do is try to change the religious views of the locals. They pray with them. They share their own faith stories. But mostly they roll up their sleeves. I'm not sure I actually know what the groups the Duggars join do on their mission trips. 

[andromeda331]

Good Lord, a lot of us are parents...didn't WE have ideals for how perfect our family life, and our first child, would be? Cloth diapers, organic baby food made by our own hands, teaching our darlings to read at six months, etc?

 

 

That's how its always been with my friends and family with their first kid. With their parents about to rip their hair out in frustration over their 'ideas'. Its never bothered me let them have their fun, they'll figure it out sooner or later. Plus it makes for great stories later, that they'll tell and laugh about. Kind of like those commercials with the first time mom no one can touch the baby without washing their hands, and with her second baby she's handing the kid over to a man with uncleaned hands. The problem with the the Duggars continue to think their the experts at everything. We saw it with Josh and Anna at first they believed they were experts at courting, then experts at marriage just weeks after getting married, then experts at one child, then two, or three. They continue to believe they are the experts despite the fact their not saying anything that anyone else married with children would say. Now we're getting it from Derrick and Jill.  

[Marigny]

People Magazine must be catching hell for putting them on the cover. Just saw some of the online comments and all I could say was, "Wow!"

[GEML]

There is nothing wrong with doing a week or two if service. My husband spent two months in Africa, and most of my family does week(s) long projects through church related groups.

But that doesn't make you a missionary as a calling or profession, which is what I think someone like Derrick is preparing to do. He's studying for it, and it's quite possible that Jill will study along with him as well.

And it is absolutely positively possible (and even, to my mind, in some ways, preferable) to do missions here in the United States.

[Mariva]

Derick dressed up to be his school's mascot. He liked the spotlight then, and he's enjoying it tremendously now. I think that by ingratiating himself with JimBoob he knew exactly what he was doing. He's proving himself to be as much a fame you-know-what as any of them.

In Derick's defense, he wanted to be Pistol Pete in tribute to his dad, who passed away suddenly while he was still a freshman in college. His dad was also the OSU mascot during his time but sadly, he never got the chance to see his son follow in his footsteps and become the first father-son pair in school history to hold the Pistol Pete title.

 

Personally, I haven't seen much evidence to the contrary to say whether Derick is a huge famewhore. He doesn't seem to condemn the attention, however, he doesn't actively seek it either. He seems content with keeping a much lower profile on social media than say Ben. I get the feeling that it's mostly Jill who likes the spotlight and he's just going along with whatever she wants, for now. But imo, there's been glimpses of Derick not fully buying into the Duggar show. Like when they had their triple date with her parents last season. In their TH, Jill was going on about how they had such a special time, meanwhile Derick had on this deadpan stare. Same look he had during their recent People interview when Jill said they were going to leave their number of kids "up to God". I believe him when he said he was shocked Jill got pregnant so quickly and easily, even knowing that they weren't using protection. I wouldn't be surprised if in the future he takes a more cautionary route and conveniently gets "too tired" to get it on during Jill's most fertile days.

[Hpmec]

I know Derick was following in his dad's footsteps as Pistol Pete, but it's still the kind of thing that draws a lot of attention. It was his choice to appear on the show, participate in filming, and establish a public social media presence. He's basically gone along with the Duggars on everything -from the courting rules to the People pregnancy cover. Not exactly a guy who values his privacy.

[cereality]

He knew what he was getting into when he got involved with JB and then further involved with JB's daughter. He also seems like a nice guy. I'm sure there are fundie guys who would say -- you're married to me, I'm the headship, this is how we will live. Derick doesn't seem like that at all. He seems like he loves -- or will grow to love -- Jill and wants her to feel comfortable. She grew up around TLC and the media and enjoys it; she truly believes in her family's ways -- he does not seem like he will tear her away from that immediately. Over time, I think his ways may start influencing her and they may start pulling back from the media etc., but for now he is letting her and her family run the show -- that means courtship rules, barely knowing his wife before he married her and never speaking to her alone, announcing pregnancies to People at 8 weeks, and being on the show. It's also possible that he is a bit overwhelmed by everything -- they went from courtship to marriage to baby in a matter of months. His head is probably spinning at how real everything has become -- esp with the baby now. Even if he wants privacy, doesn't want to be featured on the show or in People, I am betting he doesn't know how to tell Jill and JB as he thinks it'll cause a firestorm.

 

As for why he wanted to be with her, I'm still scratching my head. She's a pretty girl, but there are many others out there. A college educated conservative Christian with mission experience with a professional career who is also handsome would be a fantastic catch. Instead he seeks out JB and ends up courting his daughter?? I have to imagine he had seen their show and/or knew of the Duggar lifestyle and found it attractive in some way. Maybe it is the focus on big family -- sometimes people from smaller families do feel like their lives are "lonelier." Maybe it's something else. But it never added up for me that a professional man who has had girlfriends and freedom would WANT to adhere to JB's courting rules. There are many who end up marrying into a family that's fairly restrictive etc. but in this case it's not like he was marrying his HS or college sweetheart -- in that case it would have made sense because he would be saying to the world 'I know her family is nuts but I'm willing to deal because I have loved her for 5 yrs." He signed up for craziness for a girl with whom he had a few Skype calls, no alone dates, and no physical contact other than hand holding.

[abseedee]

In Derick's defense, he wanted to be Pistol Pete in tribute to his dad, who passed away suddenly while he was still a freshman in college. His dad was also the OSU mascot during his time but sadly, he never got the chance to see his son follow in his footsteps and become the first father-son pair in school history to hold the Pistol Pete title.

I got to read Derick's OSU Pistol Pete oral interview.  Here's a very short excerpt from his interview:

I told my mom that fall that I wanted to try out for Pistol Pete. I told her for sure I was going

to do it that spring, but I didn’t want her to tell my dad because I wanted

to surprise him. I thought, how cool would it be to be able to call him up

after I was chosen as Pistol Pete and be like, “Hey, Dad, guess what?

I’m Pistol Pete just like you.” But I didn’t tell a lot of people either.

Then January 18, that spring, my mom was driven to Stillwater by our

pastor, and she told me that my dad had died that morning. So, it was

hard for me because I never got the opportunity to tell him that I wanted

to try out for Pistol Pete.

Edited August 25, 2014 by abseedee

[Mariva]

He knew what he was getting into when he got involved with JB and then further involved with JB's daughter. He also seems like a nice guy. I'm sure there are fundie guys who would say -- you're married to me, I'm the headship, this is how we will live. Derick doesn't seem like that at all. He seems like he loves -- or will grow to love -- Jill and wants her to feel comfortable. She grew up around TLC and the media and enjoys it; she truly believes in her family's ways -- he does not seem like he will tear her away from that immediately. Over time, I think his ways may start influencing her and they may start pulling back from the media etc., but for now he is letting her and her family run the show -- that means courtship rules, barely knowing his wife before he married her and never speaking to her alone, announcing pregnancies to People at 8 weeks, and being on the show. It's also possible that he is a bit overwhelmed by everything -- they went from courtship to marriage to baby in a matter of months. His head is probably spinning at how real everything has become -- esp with the baby now. Even if he wants privacy, doesn't want to be featured on the show or in People, I am betting he doesn't know how to tell Jill and JB as he thinks it'll cause a firestorm.

 

As for why he wanted to be with her, I'm still scratching my head. She's a pretty girl, but there are many others out there. A college educated conservative Christian with mission experience with a professional career who is also handsome would be a fantastic catch. Instead he seeks out JB and ends up courting his daughter?? I have to imagine he had seen their show and/or knew of the Duggar lifestyle and found it attractive in some way. Maybe it is the focus on big family -- sometimes people from smaller families do feel like their lives are "lonelier." Maybe it's something else. But it never added up for me that a professional man who has had girlfriends and freedom would WANT to adhere to JB's courting rules. There are many who end up marrying into a family that's fairly restrictive etc. but in this case it's not like he was marrying his HS or college sweetheart -- in that case it would have made sense because he would be saying to the world 'I know her family is nuts but I'm willing to deal because I have loved her for 5 yrs." He signed up for craziness for a girl with whom he had a few Skype calls, no alone dates, and no physical contact other than hand holding.

We don't really know how many (or if) Derick had any girlfriends prior to Jill. I'm sure he's had at least more experience than Jill as far as dating and maybe even kissing another girl before but it's possible that Jill was the first girl he felt really attracted to in a while who showed a mutual interest back. I've known guys like Derick - nice, attractive, educated guys who seems to have it all on paper but in real life was either kind of shy or picky about approaching girls.

 

Plus I got the impression from reading one of his interviews (I think the same one abseedee mentioned) that he didn't have the time to date during college because of his busy schedule with school and Pistol Pete commitments. So say he was single for the 4 years or so of college and then left after graduation to Nepal for another 2 years. That's at least 6 years of not having a girlfriend and maybe by that point he was feeling pretty lonely and/or desperate for a love life.

 

Crazy fundie lifestyle and views aside, there's a lot that's appealing about Jill. Not only is she pretty but she's also very outgoing, open, sweet, nurturing, etc. I think Derick fell for her rather quickly and was willing to overlook some of the drawbacks with her family in order to pursue a (quick) courtship with her.  

 

Otherwise I agree with the rest of your post about Derick probably feeling a bit overwhelmed with all that has happened and is still going on. I really do hope that he pushes for a missionary trip abroad sooner rather than later so that they can get out from under her family's control and hopefully move into a more mainstream conservative lifestyle. Although Derick clearly adores Jill and wants her to be happy, he also doesn't seem like he's perpetually "in awe" of her like Jim Bob is with Michelle or even Ben with Jessa. So in the long run, I don't see him being like Jim Bob and letting his wife control the household because I think he would want a more equal partnership, with both him and Jill making compromises on how to raise their family.

[Hpmec]

I don't think JimBoob would have sanctioned the Jill-Derick union if he believed there was a chance Derick woud pull her away from the cult. There must have been some sort of promise from Derick that he would adhere to the Duggar party line, otherwise JimBoob would never have handed her over. I had high hopes for Derick at first. However, the courtship, living arrangement, and almost instant pregnancy all signal that Dill are a wholly owned subidiary of Duggar Inc.

Edited August 25, 2014 by Hpmec

[cereality]

Now that you mention it, I could see Derick being on the shy side. If I recall that article correctly, I think he didn't make Pistol Pete the first time and then spent a lot of time practicing to make it in the next go around. Between that and school, he may not have had time for a real girlfriend. He was also likely around the football team and cheerleaders and it's possible that party lifestyle was a bit too "fast" for him. Besides there's less and less real dating at colleges now and more of a hook-up culture, so it's possible that he wasn't attracted to that either given his conservative upbringing. I'm sure it was a bit isolating to be in Nepal -- no chance of finding a girlfriend there and certainly not one who'd come back to Arkansas with him. So maybe he has been on some dates, to prom, kissed/held hands etc. but is reasonably inexperienced like Jill.

 

I agree that he'll want more of an equal partnership than JB and Michelle or Ben and Jessa. I think he doesn't and won't control Jill the way fundie men control their wives, but in return I think he'll want his wife to support his dreams and wishes too -- whether that means doing a mission trip for a year or two, easing away from reality TV and media engagements sometimes, or having a large family of 5 kids instead of 15 kids.