Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!

[ginger90]

I can’t remember how old she was, my daughter choked on a fig newton. 

Considering we’ve seen Samuel being fed recently, I find this choice odd. 

I can’t say my children never ate in the car. Reflecting on it, it’s not the best idea. 

[Trillium]

It baffles me how thin they all are eating the way they do. I so much as look at a carb I gain 5lbs.

[BigBingerBro]

11 minutes ago, Trillium said:

It baffles me how thin they all are eating the way they do. I so much as look at a carb I gain 5lbs.

They're still young.  Wait til they hit their mid 30s and if they continue this diet they will balloon.

[tabloidlover]

Jill has a new blog post up titled  More Than Sex, How to Love Your Husband.   It is just chock full of Jill’s ideas to ensure your husband feels like the Ruler/Dictator/Head of Household.   

Just one little section here as I still can’t copy/paste an entire article on this damn phone...

[FizzyPuff]

4 minutes ago, tabloidlover said:

Jill has a new blog post up titled  More Than Sex, How to Love Your Husband.   It is just chock full of Jill’s ideas to ensure your husband feels like the Ruler/Dictator/Head of Household.   

Just one little section here as I still can’t copy/paste an entire article on this damn phone...

Jill is so modest, guess she learnt a lot from her parents hey.

[Ohiopirate02]

24 minutes ago, tabloidlover said:

Jill has a new blog post up titled  More Than Sex, How to Love Your Husband.   It is just chock full of Jill’s ideas to ensure your husband feels like the Ruler/Dictator/Head of Household.   

Just one little section here as I still can’t copy/paste an entire article on this damn phone...

I don't believe for one second that Jill and Derick are doing the dirty 3 times a week.  But, is she telling her readers to give their hubby a BJ when they are riding the crimson wave?

[PikaScrewChu]

1 hour ago, tabloidlover said:

Jill has a new blog post up titled  More Than Sex, How to Love Your Husband.   It is just chock full of Jill’s ideas to ensure your husband feels like the Ruler/Dictator/Head of Household.   

Just one little section here as I still can’t copy/paste an entire article on this damn phone...

Annnnd I'm out of this topic for the next few weeks.

[bigskygirl]

And when you think Jill could not hit a new low. I thought of Jill trying to please Deredick makes my head spin, my teeth hurt, what to poke my eyes out, and run into the street screaming.

[EVS]

This sounds more like something Jill Rodrigues would post. I know these are the Duggar beliefs also, but I haven’t seen Jill Dillard blog about sex before. Maybe Jill Dillard has been drinking Plexus?

Now excuse me. I need to go vomit SEVERELY. 

Edited June 3, 2019 by EVS

[Trillium]

3-4 times a week to start? I mean I guess when you don’t have jobs that’s easier to do. I feel like they read some fundie book or heard a speaker on how to “divorce proof” a marriage so that’s why they insist on sitting next to each other for every meal and they probably do think anything less 3-4x a week will lead to cheating because men obviously cannot be expected to have sex so infrequently. 

We’ll be married 15 years in a few days. I have never felt our relationship was so vulnerable that I needed to do anything just to “please” him.  Also I don’t count or track how often we do it. We do it when we both want to. Things ebb and flow and we are both adults and understand and respect each other. But sure Jill, I’m sure you know much more about marriage than I do. 🙄 

[Ohiopirate02]

20 minutes ago, EVS said:

This sounds more like something Jill Rodrigues would post. I know these are the Duggar beliefs also, but I haven’t seen Jill Dillard blog about sex before. Maybe Jill Dillard has been drinking Plexus?

Now excuse me. I need to go vomit SEVERELY. 

All of Jill's blog posts come off as overcompensating in my opinion.  Also, the Duggars tend to read message boards like these and then post something in retaliation.  We have speculated on this board about Jill and Derick's sex life or lack thereof, and all of a sudden Jill is posting this.  I have always noticed that the people who talk about sex the most are the ones having the least.  

Another thing to consider, all of Jill's married sisters and sisters-in-law are pregnant ( I am expecting an announcement about JD and Abby pretty soon)  or just had a baby.  Jill has to be feeling some heat about being the only married who is not pregnant and Sammy is about to turn 2.  So she posts a blog post about how much of a "Godly" wife she is taking care of her man and this is how she accomplishing this.  She is trying to tell everyone (and probably herself), that the reason she is is not nursing a newborn or currently preggers is because it is part of God's plan and not a failing on her part.

[Annb67]

🤢🤮

[Oldernowiser]

If he’s getting some that often and still manages to be such a grumpy putz, that doesn’t bode well for the future.

[Suzn]

2 hours ago, tabloidlover said:

Jill has a new blog post up titled  More Than Sex, How to Love Your Husband.   It is just chock full of Jill’s ideas to ensure your husband feels like the Ruler/Dictator/Head of Household.   

Just one little section here as I still can’t copy/paste an entire article on this damn phone...

Well, that information coming from Jill, is enough to gag a dog.  I don't have the stomach to examine why she feels the need to provide us with TMI.  Just stop it Jill.  I'll be looking for the brain bleach now....

[bigskygirl]

1 minute ago, Oldernowiser said:

If he’s getting some that often and still manages to be such a grumpy putz, that doesn’t bode well for the future.

I guess in Deredick's mind quantity means more than quality.

[ginger90]

⚠️ 

Long.............my apologies.

To anyone who has felt ill after reading something by the Dillards , do not read this!

 ⚠️ 

More Than Sex: How To Love Your Husband

Jun 3, 2019 | Life Matters | 5 

By Jill Dillard

I attend a monthly book study with some girlfriends of mine and right now we are reading a book, “His Needs, Her Needs,” by Willard Harley. At a recent meeting, a sweet friend of mine was in town and she shared some good advice with us younger wives. I took notes and thought I’d share some of her advice, combine with some of my own thoughts on marriage. I know I personally love learning more about how to have a healthy marriage and reflecting on advice I’ve been given, so I hope you’ll be encouraged and even check out some of the things I mention toward the end and then comment below! 

Five years ago this month, I married the man of my dreams, Derick Michael Dillard. Some of you may have watched our love story unfold on TV…if you want to read our love story you can click here. Anyways, like most couples when they get married, we were head over heels for each other…and now, nearly five years later, I can happily say that we are still very much in love. 

One thing I got so tired of people saying when we were just getting to know each other, and then as newlyweds too, was stuff like, “Oh you just wait”…or…”You’re just in that newlywed phase.” Although I do realize that sometimes things may change slightly due to life changes (e.g. kids, work schedules, etc.), one thing I think we need to recognize is that the fire in your marriage doesn’t have to die out! But like a fire, sometimes, and more so during some seasons than others, you need to be intentional, proactive and work hard to keep the fire going. I don’t claim to know everything about marriage, or to be presenting some solve-all advice, and I’m only really speaking to wives here, but I hope you find some of these tips to be encouraging!

When my friend’s mom shared her advice with us young wives, she started with a couple Bible verses (Mark 12:30-31 & Luke 10:27), which say essentially the same thing…in Luke, when Jesus was asked how someone could inherit eternal life, he pointed to the religious law of the time which said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” Jesus’ advice to the young lawyer who had asked the question was, “do this and you will live.” 

So first, we must recognize that in order to love someone fully, we must understand how much we are loved by God and in turn love him with all that we are by repenting of our sin, turning from it, accepting through prayer his free gift of salvation and asking him to take charge of the rest of our life. (If you want to learn more about what I mean by this, click here.) Secondly, if we truly have made Jesus the “Lord” of our life, then that means there should be some fruit to show for it…like the second part of the verse says, “[love] your neighbor as yourself.” And this includes our husbands! 

Here are some ways we can love our husbands: 

-Have sex often! You both need this time together regularly (3-4 times a week is a good start. lol). And when you may not be able to actually have intercourse for a period of time or for health issues, find other ways to have fun and be intimate. Let your spouse know that you’re aways available. Guard against fulfilling sexual desires alone. Be open with your spouse about your desires and change things up to keep it exciting! (Philippians 2:3-4; 1 Corinthians 7:5) If you’re struggling with sex with your spouse, GET HELP! See a doctor and/or licensed counselor and don’t be afraid to get second opinions! 

-Be open about everything: past, present and future! You need to be able to trust each other with the easy and the hard! Secrets are seeds for destruction! (1 Corinthians 10:13) Sometimes there may be seasons of difficulty or you may have to rebuild broken trust. Ask God to help you and get outside help if needed. We aren’t meant to live life in isolation! We need support and community! (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; Galatians 6:2)

-Tell your spouse when they hurt you or when you have a problem with something and be quick to forgive!Speak up in love or else the problem will just linger and you may suffer unnecessarily and resentment might build up. See a licensed counselor or get help if problems persist! (Eph. 4:25-27; Matthew 18) However, if you are in an abusive relationship, do NOT stay! Report immediately to the authorities, get help and find a safe place to stay and get counseling from a licensed christian counselor!

-Pray and fast for your husband. Ask him how you can pray for him and let him know when you do (e.g. send him text messages &/or write a little note). 

–Look for ways to encourage your hubby, serve him and meet his needs. (God creates us all with a desire to be wanted!) Take the 5 Love Languages quiz together to find out the top ways you each receive love, then look for ways to show it! 

-Try to get at least 15-20 min. of uninterrupted time to talk every day! (Time to talk is important!) When he is talking, be quiet and listen, don’t interrupt and draw conclusions or offer advice right away. 

-Look nice for him. It’s easy to get home and throw on the frumpy pjs and wash your makeup off, but make sure that a few times a week you enjoy time together looking like you would hanging out when you were dating! Plus, even if you work from home, just getting fixed up in the morning can give you a boost to your day! 

-Go to bed fresh! It’s easy to just want to shower in the morning to wake ourselves up, but showering in the evening (and sometimes before he gets home if you arrive home before him!), and even putting on fragrant lotion in front of him can be another way to say “I care” and “you’re important to me,” and lets him know you’re up for fun whenever he is.  

-Don’t gossip or name call, even if joking. Be careful not to speak down about one another to each other and/or in the company of others! My parents have been good examples of this to us kids. They would say that “put-downs can plant seeds for divorce in the future”! Beware and ask your spouse to point out to you if you slip up! This can be an easy trap to fall into, especially if you’re hanging out with people and they’re all telling stories or making jokes about their spouses. “If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say anything at all!” (Thumper from Bambi)

-Never allow your husband to think you’re his mother! Whether it’s making demands, delegating, or licking your finger and wiping something off his face…if he says “I feel like you’re my mother when you…”, then pay attention to that and ask him what you can to do change/how to handle the situation the next time! 

-Expectations: Be careful not to develop an entitlement mindset, e.g. “I deserve you,” or overlook things he does because, “Well, that’s just something a good husband is supposed to do.” Always be grateful and look for ways to praise him directly and in front of others! 

-Be open about money and spending habits with your husband! It’s vital that you are on the same page about your finances! Consider taking Financial Peace University (FPU) together! There are so many helpful things they discuss in this class, and you’ll learn so much even if you’re not in debt or have financial trouble! We have been through it twice now and enjoyed it both times! 

-Be a good listener! Husbands need to know that we value their interests too! Sometimes it can be hard to stay awake at the end of the day when talking in bed, or hard to avoid working on a project while he shares his heart with you or just talks about his day, but if its’ important to him that he has your full attention (ask him!) then do your best to give it to him! I’m working on this too since I know that when I’m distracted while my husband is talking to me it can send the message to him that I’m not super interested in what he has to say. I’ve found for myself that sometimes drinking an afternoon cup of coffee can be helpful so I’ll be more awake in the evening when he wants to talk. And if you really can’t afford the time/energy for the a long conversation in the moment, communicate this to your husband and let him know that you really want to hear what he has to say, but setting a later time to pick up the conversation may make it easier for you to be all in! Just try not to make this a habit! 

-Don’t be disrespectful. While security for wives is usually of utmost importance, respect is probably most important for most husbands! Ask your hubby what you do that makes him feel respected, and ask him in what other ways that he thinks you could show him more respect. 

-Make time with your family a priority. Look for ways to spend time together with your kids and husband. You may have to cut out some activities that are taking away from family time. 

-Wait to talk till you’re not angry. When things heat up, and you want the last word, recognize that you might say things you’ll regret in the moment, so sometimes it might be good to wait till you both cool down to properly work through it. 

-Don’t let the sun go down without making things right! In line with the last point, always try to work through things, or at least start working through them, before bed. You don’t always have to agree, but you don’t want to just “brush things under the rug” either. Problems don’t just disappear and will likely resurface later unless properly dealt with. 

-Call him by a fun or sweet name!Save his name/contact in your phone with a sweet name and don’t forget to use emojis!  

-Remember, your husband is not your dad. You are teammates and he is your God-given protector. Keep this in mind and let it shape the way you relate. 

-Don’t let habits become problems. For example, if you start and then get used to always asking your husband permission to do something (different than getting his take on something or discussing something together)…more like the dad role, then he could start to expect it just because he is used to it. It might be easy to make a habit of this, especially if you don’t want to take responsibility for the possible consequences of a choices you make, and would rather have someone else make them for you so they bear the weight of the decisions if it doesn’t work out, but we are also responsible to God for our lives. It’s good for your husband to know you have a good head and can make your own decisions. (And I do believe you should be open with each other and try to be on the same page with decisions and work together as a team! Our husbands should know us best and their counsel should be valued above everyone else’s, as long as it’s consistent with the Bible!)

-Let him know you miss him and you can’t wait to see him/can’t wait till he gets home! Send texts for him to read when he can, or if you know he has specific times during the day when he can talk, give him a quick call or FaceTime him for a minute to tell him you love and miss him. 

-When he leaves and comes, be the last thing he remembers and the first person he sees when he gets home…run to him (like you may have done when you were first dating). And if the kids are gone, have fun with it! Be crazy with your hubby! If your kids are there, get them excited about daddy coming home and make sure distractions are put away for a bit, so everyone greets him at the door! Stop whatever you’re doing at the time when he arrives!

-Give at least a 6 second kiss when coming and going. 

-Spend the first 15 min. or so together as a couple in the evening without phones or other distractions. After the initial greeting with everyone, if your kids are young, you can turn on a movie or give them something to distract them….or if they’re a little older, send them outside to play so that you and your hubby can have a some quality time to talk.

-Don’t answer the phone during your first little bit together in the evening, and tell people to call you later if your hubby just got there. It’s good for others and your hubby to hear you say something like, “I’m sorry, I’ll have to let you go now, my hubby just got home!” It lets them know your priorities and can be encouraging to others. (The “Find My Friends” app or other tracking apps for phones can be helpful so you can see when he is almost home. You can also ask him to text or call you with an ETA when he is headed home.)

-Be confident about your body.Chances are, he is less concerned about the things you’re worried about him not liking than you are. He will be happier when you are confident about yourself. And if there are things you can change or do to be more confident about yourself, then maybe it’s worth doing, or setting a goal to eventually get there! 

-Don’t let your children control the house. Keep a routine and make them go to bed early so you can have quality time together (especially if you don’t have family or close friends around to babysit regularly!) 

-Figure out what he likes and do it with him! Give him your undivided attention…and if it’s hard, pray for grace to be able to give undivided attention to him. Be open with your hubby if it’s a struggle and keep striving toward your goal till you find out what works…keeping in mind that you want to continue to be the one he enjoys hanging out with and spending his chill time with! (This doesn’t mean y’all can’t ever enjoy time without each other, just that you want to work hard to enjoy some of the same things!)

-Do what you can to make your home a haven or place of rest and relaxation to come home to! Set little goals for yourself with cleaning, e.g. Monday is laundry, Tuesday dishes…tidy up bathrooms while bathing kids, etc. Turn on a cartoon or send the kids out to play for a little while before your husband arrives home/before dinner if things start to get crazy! 

-Make the most of the time you’re both off work and try to keep the calendar free for family time. For example, if he is gone from 6am-6pm, then run your errands during that time &/or hang out with friends, then save most of the time after that for time together (and sometimes that might mean not inviting guests over in the evening!). Talk about it together as a couple and see what you can cut out to allow more family time. 

-Show affection in the home and in public! Your kids need to see you happy and having fun together as a couple! It provides a little extra security for everyone! 

-Get new lingerie (online is an easy way to buy!) as a surprise gift for birthdays, holidays, vacations or whenever! 

-Ask God to give you ideas of how you can surprise your husband or do things that will mean a lot to him. 

-Be intentional!

-Reflect often! (e.g. Think about fun times you’ve had together, your wedding, honeymoon, before marriage/dating season, etc.)

-Take the challenge to spend every night together during your first year of marriage…and be intentional about minimizing the nights you have to spend apart in the future! 

-Make weekly date time a priority!Even if you can’t go out, you can put the kids to bed early, have a candlelit dinner and watch a marriage video on YouTube and then discuss it together or read a marriage book together or take fun personality quizzes online! Anything to learn more about each other and strengthen your marriage! We have enjoyed listening to Ted Cunningham on YouTube. If you don’t have family close by and can’t spend money on a sitter/would rather put the money towards dinner, etc., consider swapping childcare every week with friends or another couple so you both get to have regular date times! 

-Book a kid-free weekend getaway once or twice a year! 

-Invest in counseling sessions a few times a year or as a birthday gift or Christmas present, just to learn helpful tips, keep tabs on your marriage and be constantly striving for better! 

A few helpful books: 

-“The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman

-“His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

-“Intended for Pleasure” by Ed Wheat, M.D.

-“Letters to My Daughters” by Barbara Rainey

-“Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend 

-“The Total Money Makeover” by Dave Ramsey 

Other great resources:

–Family Life Today (podcasts, books, “Weekend To Remember” getaways)

-Ted Cunningham books and fun marriage videos on YouTube

–Focus on the Family books and podcasts

-Marriage Retreat at Fort Rock Family Camp

These lists are not all encompassing, but I hope they’ve provided you with some fun ideas! 

[Oldernowiser]

So that’s How To Become A Clingy Codependent Doormat 101.

And I only made it to “look nice for him” before the snorting became uncontrollable.

[bigskygirl]

Did Smugs seek counseling or see a doctor when he was trying to hook up with other women or looking at porn? I could picture Deredick trying to have a semi-serious conversation with Deredick.

[QuinnInND]

I don't know where to start with that crap. Smh. For once in my life, I'm speechless. 

[bigskygirl]

4 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

So that’s How To Become A Clingy Codependent Doormat 101.

And I only made it to “look nice for him” before the snorting became uncontrollable.

Does rolling your eyes and thinking seriously count?

[whydoiwatch]

What.A.Crock.Of.Shit.  It is hard to believe Jill could manage to stay focused long enough to write that lengthy garbage. She is nuts.

[Oldernowiser]

Just now, whydoiwatch said:

What.A.Crock.Of.Shit.  It is hard to believe Jill could manage to stay focused long enough to write that lengthy garbage. She is nuts.

My guess is it’s plagiarized from somewhere. I agree...too many words for Jill.

[Absolom]

A lot of that is stuff Michelle put together copying from other sources.  Jill just added bits here and there to customize it to herself.  The Boundaries book for instance came from one of Jill's women's Bible studies at Cross Church.

[luvbadtv]

Jill needs a reality check.  I don't need to go into the specifics, you smart readers know how much bullish** she just spewed.

[Ohiopirate02]

20 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

So that’s How To Become A Clingy Codependent Doormat 101.

She recommends tracking his phone.  I think that goes beyond clingy or codependent on the way to stalkerville.

[Suzn]

30 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

⚠️

Long.............my apologies.

To anyone who has felt ill after reading something by the Dillards , do not read this!

 ⚠️ 

More Than Sex: How To Love Your Husband

Jun 3, 2019 | Life Matters | 5 

By Jill Dillard

I attend a monthly book study with some girlfriends of mine and right now we are reading a book, “His Needs, Her Needs,” by Willard Harley. At a recent meeting, a sweet friend of mine was in town and she shared some good advice with us younger wives. I took notes and thought I’d share some of her advice, combine with some of my own thoughts on marriage. I know I personally love learning more about how to have a healthy marriage and reflecting on advice I’ve been given, so I hope you’ll be encouraged and even check out some of the things I mention toward the end and then comment below! 

Five years ago this month, I married the man of my dreams, Derick Michael Dillard. Some of you may have watched our love story unfold on TV…if you want to read our love story you can click here. Anyways, like most couples when they get married, we were head over heels for each other…and now, nearly five years later, I can happily say that we are still very much in love. 

One thing I got so tired of people saying when we were just getting to know each other, and then as newlyweds too, was stuff like, “Oh you just wait”…or…”You’re just in that newlywed phase.” Although I do realize that sometimes things may change slightly due to life changes (e.g. kids, work schedules, etc.), one thing I think we need to recognize is that the fire in your marriage doesn’t have to die out! But like a fire, sometimes, and more so during some seasons than others, you need to be intentional, proactive and work hard to keep the fire going. I don’t claim to know everything about marriage, or to be presenting some solve-all advice, and I’m only really speaking to wives here, but I hope you find some of these tips to be encouraging!

When my friend’s mom shared her advice with us young wives, she started with a couple Bible verses (Mark 12:30-31 & Luke 10:27), which say essentially the same thing…in Luke, when Jesus was asked how someone could inherit eternal life, he pointed to the religious law of the time which said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” Jesus’ advice to the young lawyer who had asked the question was, “do this and you will live.” 

So first, we must recognize that in order to love someone fully, we must understand how much we are loved by God and in turn love him with all that we are by repenting of our sin, turning from it, accepting through prayer his free gift of salvation and asking him to take charge of the rest of our life. (If you want to learn more about what I mean by this, click here.) Secondly, if we truly have made Jesus the “Lord” of our life, then that means there should be some fruit to show for it…like the second part of the verse says, “[love] your neighbor as yourself.” And this includes our husbands! 

Here are some ways we can love our husbands: 

-Have sex often! You both need this time together regularly (3-4 times a week is a good start. lol). And when you may not be able to actually have intercourse for a period of time or for health issues, find other ways to have fun and be intimate. Let your spouse know that you’re aways available. Guard against fulfilling sexual desires alone. Be open with your spouse about your desires and change things up to keep it exciting! (Philippians 2:3-4; 1 Corinthians 7:5) If you’re struggling with sex with your spouse, GET HELP! See a doctor and/or licensed counselor and don’t be afraid to get second opinions! 

-Be open about everything: past, present and future! You need to be able to trust each other with the easy and the hard! Secrets are seeds for destruction! (1 Corinthians 10:13) Sometimes there may be seasons of difficulty or you may have to rebuild broken trust. Ask God to help you and get outside help if needed. We aren’t meant to live life in isolation! We need support and community! (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; Galatians 6:2)

-Tell your spouse when they hurt you or when you have a problem with something and be quick to forgive!Speak up in love or else the problem will just linger and you may suffer unnecessarily and resentment might build up. See a licensed counselor or get help if problems persist! (Eph. 4:25-27; Matthew 18) However, if you are in an abusive relationship, do NOT stay! Report immediately to the authorities, get help and find a safe place to stay and get counseling from a licensed christian counselor!

-Pray and fast for your husband. Ask him how you can pray for him and let him know when you do (e.g. send him text messages &/or write a little note). 

–Look for ways to encourage your hubby, serve him and meet his needs. (God creates us all with a desire to be wanted!) Take the 5 Love Languages quiz together to find out the top ways you each receive love, then look for ways to show it! 

-Try to get at least 15-20 min. of uninterrupted time to talk every day! (Time to talk is important!) When he is talking, be quiet and listen, don’t interrupt and draw conclusions or offer advice right away. 

-Look nice for him. It’s easy to get home and throw on the frumpy pjs and wash your makeup off, but make sure that a few times a week you enjoy time together looking like you would hanging out when you were dating! Plus, even if you work from home, just getting fixed up in the morning can give you a boost to your day! 

-Go to bed fresh! It’s easy to just want to shower in the morning to wake ourselves up, but showering in the evening (and sometimes before he gets home if you arrive home before him!), and even putting on fragrant lotion in front of him can be another way to say “I care” and “you’re important to me,” and lets him know you’re up for fun whenever he is.  

-Don’t gossip or name call, even if joking. Be careful not to speak down about one another to each other and/or in the company of others! My parents have been good examples of this to us kids. They would say that “put-downs can plant seeds for divorce in the future”! Beware and ask your spouse to point out to you if you slip up! This can be an easy trap to fall into, especially if you’re hanging out with people and they’re all telling stories or making jokes about their spouses. “If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say anything at all!” (Thumper from Bambi)

-Never allow your husband to think you’re his mother! Whether it’s making demands, delegating, or licking your finger and wiping something off his face…if he says “I feel like you’re my mother when you…”, then pay attention to that and ask him what you can to do change/how to handle the situation the next time! 

-Expectations: Be careful not to develop an entitlement mindset, e.g. “I deserve you,” or overlook things he does because, “Well, that’s just something a good husband is supposed to do.” Always be grateful and look for ways to praise him directly and in front of others! 

-Be open about money and spending habits with your husband! It’s vital that you are on the same page about your finances! Consider taking Financial Peace University (FPU) together! There are so many helpful things they discuss in this class, and you’ll learn so much even if you’re not in debt or have financial trouble! We have been through it twice now and enjoyed it both times! 

-Be a good listener! Husbands need to know that we value their interests too! Sometimes it can be hard to stay awake at the end of the day when talking in bed, or hard to avoid working on a project while he shares his heart with you or just talks about his day, but if its’ important to him that he has your full attention (ask him!) then do your best to give it to him! I’m working on this too since I know that when I’m distracted while my husband is talking to me it can send the message to him that I’m not super interested in what he has to say. I’ve found for myself that sometimes drinking an afternoon cup of coffee can be helpful so I’ll be more awake in the evening when he wants to talk. And if you really can’t afford the time/energy for the a long conversation in the moment, communicate this to your husband and let him know that you really want to hear what he has to say, but setting a later time to pick up the conversation may make it easier for you to be all in! Just try not to make this a habit! 

-Don’t be disrespectful. While security for wives is usually of utmost importance, respect is probably most important for most husbands! Ask your hubby what you do that makes him feel respected, and ask him in what other ways that he thinks you could show him more respect. 

-Make time with your family a priority. Look for ways to spend time together with your kids and husband. You may have to cut out some activities that are taking away from family time. 

-Wait to talk till you’re not angry. When things heat up, and you want the last word, recognize that you might say things you’ll regret in the moment, so sometimes it might be good to wait till you both cool down to properly work through it. 

-Don’t let the sun go down without making things right! In line with the last point, always try to work through things, or at least start working through them, before bed. You don’t always have to agree, but you don’t want to just “brush things under the rug” either. Problems don’t just disappear and will likely resurface later unless properly dealt with. 

-Call him by a fun or sweet name!Save his name/contact in your phone with a sweet name and don’t forget to use emojis!  

-Remember, your husband is not your dad. You are teammates and he is your God-given protector. Keep this in mind and let it shape the way you relate. 

-Don’t let habits become problems. For example, if you start and then get used to always asking your husband permission to do something (different than getting his take on something or discussing something together)…more like the dad role, then he could start to expect it just because he is used to it. It might be easy to make a habit of this, especially if you don’t want to take responsibility for the possible consequences of a choices you make, and would rather have someone else make them for you so they bear the weight of the decisions if it doesn’t work out, but we are also responsible to God for our lives. It’s good for your husband to know you have a good head and can make your own decisions. (And I do believe you should be open with each other and try to be on the same page with decisions and work together as a team! Our husbands should know us best and their counsel should be valued above everyone else’s, as long as it’s consistent with the Bible!)

-Let him know you miss him and you can’t wait to see him/can’t wait till he gets home! Send texts for him to read when he can, or if you know he has specific times during the day when he can talk, give him a quick call or FaceTime him for a minute to tell him you love and miss him. 

-When he leaves and comes, be the last thing he remembers and the first person he sees when he gets home…run to him (like you may have done when you were first dating). And if the kids are gone, have fun with it! Be crazy with your hubby! If your kids are there, get them excited about daddy coming home and make sure distractions are put away for a bit, so everyone greets him at the door! Stop whatever you’re doing at the time when he arrives!

-Give at least a 6 second kiss when coming and going. 

-Spend the first 15 min. or so together as a couple in the evening without phones or other distractions. After the initial greeting with everyone, if your kids are young, you can turn on a movie or give them something to distract them….or if they’re a little older, send them outside to play so that you and your hubby can have a some quality time to talk.

-Don’t answer the phone during your first little bit together in the evening, and tell people to call you later if your hubby just got there. It’s good for others and your hubby to hear you say something like, “I’m sorry, I’ll have to let you go now, my hubby just got home!” It lets them know your priorities and can be encouraging to others. (The “Find My Friends” app or other tracking apps for phones can be helpful so you can see when he is almost home. You can also ask him to text or call you with an ETA when he is headed home.)

-Be confident about your body.Chances are, he is less concerned about the things you’re worried about him not liking than you are. He will be happier when you are confident about yourself. And if there are things you can change or do to be more confident about yourself, then maybe it’s worth doing, or setting a goal to eventually get there! 

-Don’t let your children control the house. Keep a routine and make them go to bed early so you can have quality time together (especially if you don’t have family or close friends around to babysit regularly!) 

-Figure out what he likes and do it with him! Give him your undivided attention…and if it’s hard, pray for grace to be able to give undivided attention to him. Be open with your hubby if it’s a struggle and keep striving toward your goal till you find out what works…keeping in mind that you want to continue to be the one he enjoys hanging out with and spending his chill time with! (This doesn’t mean y’all can’t ever enjoy time without each other, just that you want to work hard to enjoy some of the same things!)

-Do what you can to make your home a haven or place of rest and relaxation to come home to! Set little goals for yourself with cleaning, e.g. Monday is laundry, Tuesday dishes…tidy up bathrooms while bathing kids, etc. Turn on a cartoon or send the kids out to play for a little while before your husband arrives home/before dinner if things start to get crazy! 

-Make the most of the time you’re both off work and try to keep the calendar free for family time. For example, if he is gone from 6am-6pm, then run your errands during that time &/or hang out with friends, then save most of the time after that for time together (and sometimes that might mean not inviting guests over in the evening!). Talk about it together as a couple and see what you can cut out to allow more family time. 

-Show affection in the home and in public! Your kids need to see you happy and having fun together as a couple! It provides a little extra security for everyone! 

-Get new lingerie (online is an easy way to buy!) as a surprise gift for birthdays, holidays, vacations or whenever! 

-Ask God to give you ideas of how you can surprise your husband or do things that will mean a lot to him. 

-Be intentional!

-Reflect often! (e.g. Think about fun times you’ve had together, your wedding, honeymoon, before marriage/dating season, etc.)

-Take the challenge to spend every night together during your first year of marriage…and be intentional about minimizing the nights you have to spend apart in the future! 

-Make weekly date time a priority!Even if you can’t go out, you can put the kids to bed early, have a candlelit dinner and watch a marriage video on YouTube and then discuss it together or read a marriage book together or take fun personality quizzes online! Anything to learn more about each other and strengthen your marriage! We have enjoyed listening to Ted Cunningham on YouTube. If you don’t have family close by and can’t spend money on a sitter/would rather put the money towards dinner, etc., consider swapping childcare every week with friends or another couple so you both get to have regular date times! 

-Book a kid-free weekend getaway once or twice a year! 

-Invest in counseling sessions a few times a year or as a birthday gift or Christmas present, just to learn helpful tips, keep tabs on your marriage and be constantly striving for better! 

A few helpful books: 

-“The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman

-“His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

-“Intended for Pleasure” by Ed Wheat, M.D.

-“Letters to My Daughters” by Barbara Rainey

-“Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend 

-“The Total Money Makeover” by Dave Ramsey 

Other great resources:

–Family Life Today (podcasts, books, “Weekend To Remember” getaways)

-Ted Cunningham books and fun marriage videos on YouTube

–Focus on the Family books and podcasts

-Marriage Retreat at Fort Rock Family Camp

These lists are not all encompassing, but I hope they’ve provided you with some fun ideas! 

I forced this down...  What fun they must have to have to fill the relationship with chores to keep the "fire".  And date night sounds like so much fun with planned activities like "watch a marriage video on YouTube and then discuss it together or read a marriage book together or take fun personality quizzes online!"  She makes it all sound like an uphill slog, dragging her prize husband behind her.

[Trillium]

Do they have a stop watch or something to time their leaving/returning kisses? Like if it only was 4.6798 seconds would Becky from the 3rd row snag him away? 

[Trillium]

8 minutes ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

She recommends tracking his phone.  I think that goes beyond clingy or codependent on the way to stalkerville.

I can see my husband’s location on my phone. The only time I use it is very bad weather days just to make sure he made it to work ok. He can’t always text so it’s nice to just see he’s there. I’ve used it twice. 

[MMEButterfly]

3 hours ago, tabloidlover said:

Edited June 3, 2019 by MMEButterfly
post went weird.

[MMEButterfly]

I remember when my husband was in law school and we had one toddler. Um, NO. Of course I was teaching school. That was probably the problem.  Damn public schools.

2 minutes ago, MMEButterfly said:

3 hours ago, tabloidlover said:

[ginger90]

Cathy left a comment on the Instagram post linking to the blog post, Jill replied.

cldilla

God blessed both my sons with precious godly wives! When my sons were younger, my personal standard was to treat my husband as I wanted my sons’ wives to treat them. It was not easy. But God is always faithful and He honored that effort and desire!

jillmdillard

@cldilla Aww. You’re so sweet. Y’all set a great example and did an amazing job raising your boys! #goals

[bigskygirl]

Just now, ginger90 said:

Cathy left a comment on the Instagram post linking to the blog post, Jill replied.

cldilla

God blessed both my sons with precious godly wives! When my sons were younger, my personal standard was to treat my husband as I wanted my sons’ wives to treat them. It was not easy. But God is always faithful and He honored that effort and desire!

jillmdillard

@cldilla Aww. You’re so sweet. Y’all set a great example and did an amazing job raising your boys! #goals

Gag me with a spoon!

[tabloidlover]

My takeaway from this shit fest of a post is that my entire life is to be solely devoted to my husband.  All my energy focused on him and his needs.   Check.  

Imma say fuck it and ignore all of that.  Mr Tab and I have made it 30 years without timing our kisses OR documenting our sex life on a calendar to be counted.  

One positive takeaway — they must be using birth control if they are as active as she claims.  Hallelujah 

Edited June 3, 2019 by tabloidlover

[Natalie68]

2 hours ago, bigskygirl said:

And when you think Jill could not hit a new low. I thought of Jill trying to please Deredick makes my head spin, my teeth hurt, what to poke my eyes out, and run into the street screaming.

Right behind ya...

[Luvmy300zx]

I.cant.even.  That is the biggest crock I ever read. If she actually does all that she must never think of anything but derelict. How does she ever find time to take care of her kids?

ive been married 40 years and that is not a normal marriage. That is a stalker/victim relationship.

and.....if the wives have all those rules to go by, where are the rules for the husbands on how to treat their wives???

[Oldernowiser]

15 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

Cathy: When my sons were younger, my personal standard was to treat my husband as I wanted my sons’ wives to treat them. It was not easy. But God is always faithful and He honored that effort and desire!

By offing him early?

[Suzn]

16 minutes ago, tabloidlover said:

My takeaway from this shit fest of a post is that my entire life is to be solely devoted to my husband.  All my energy focused on him and his needs.   Check.  

Imma say fuck it and ignore all of that.  Mr Tab and I have made it 30 years without timing our kisses OR documenting our sex life on a calendar to be counted.  

One positive takeaway — they must be using birth control if they are as active as she claims.  Hallelujah 

We've written a lot about this, but for me there are really no words to express the horror I feel at the life Jill describes. Timing kisses?  What. The, Everlasting. Fuck!.  Apparently she lives in fear she will lose the creep she married.

Giving this more thought than it deserves:  The rules boil down to never living a spontaneous moment and focusing all your energy on pleasing the husband.  Expect nothing in return.  Be vigilant at all times.  Be afraid, be very afraid.

Edited June 3, 2019 by Suzn

[Trillium]

19 minutes ago, Luvmy300zx said:

I.cant.even.  That is the biggest crock I ever read. If she actually does all that she must never think of anything but derelict. How does she ever find time to take care of her kids?

ive been married 40 years and that is not a normal marriage. That is a stalker/victim relationship.

and.....if the wives have all those rules to go by, where are the rules for the husbands on how to treat their wives???

Have as many kids as possible but absolutely make sure they know they are unimportant and make sure they get out of the way of their parents “fire” 🙄🤢🤢🤢🤢🙄

I’m sure the “her needs” part is just husband’s  telling them they look beautiful whilst the wife is wearing a literal potato sack. 

Edited June 3, 2019 by Trillium

[sheshark]

Oh, so now Jill tells me I can wait to do my dishes on Tuesday.  That is why her brand new kitchen looks like that, family of four dishes piled in the sink all week.  And I do not understand #sickkids eating corndogs.

[ginger90]

Many things involving children in that post, seems to push them aside. Send them outside, put them to bed early. I understand couples need time together, but for me, you just make time. Have a specific bedtime, good to go. How about parenting as a couple?

Seems Jill is basing all of this on stay at home moms. I realize that’s what she is. How about a broader brush and mind?

This family makes me queasy.

[Madtown]

20 minutes ago, Suzn said:

Timing kisses?  What. The, Everlasting. Fuck!.  Apparently she lives in fear she will lose the creep she married.

Never have Mr. Madtown and I had a 6 minute makeout fest when he came home from work, not even as newlyweds. I laughed out loud at that one.

Maybe if she didn't get pregnant an hour after their wedding, she wouldn't need any of this advice.

Also Jill,  I'll be married 22 years in July, never did I need to join a book club to know how to have a healthy marriage. Then again, Mr. Madtown and I dated for more than 5 minutes before getting married.

She's an idiot wrapped in a moron.
 

[lilwhitelion]

When I was newly married (35 years now!), my husband and I attended a talk at our church given by a couple married about 25 years.  I'll never forget the wife saying she would wake before her husband, in order to put on make-up so what she presented to him when he woke would be her fully made-up self.  

I was appalled.  I think that was the seed of cynicism planted in me about teachings that are religion-adjacent.  I should have let the church leadership know how ridiculous that talk was.  

[farmgal4]

3 hours ago, ginger90 said:

Cathy left a comment on the Instagram post linking to the blog post, Jill replied.

cldilla

God blessed both my sons with precious godly wives! When my sons were younger, my personal standard was to treat my husband as I wanted my sons’ wives to treat them. It was not easy. But God is always faithful and He honored that effort and desire!

jillmdillard

@cldilla Aww. You’re so sweet. Y’all set a great example and did an amazing job raising your boys! #goals

Since the eye roll emoji isn’t provided for us in this forum, this is for now and later...🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I also need to add this:

Jill, I’m sorry that you were raised by idiots and then had the misfortune to marry one.

Edited June 3, 2019 by farmgal4
Added a few words.

[Natalie68]

35 minutes ago, lilwhitelion said:

When I was newly married (35 years now!), my husband and I attended a talk at our church given by a couple married about 25 years.  I'll never forget the wife saying she would wake before her husband, in order to put on make-up so what she presented to him when he woke would be her fully made-up self.  

I was appalled.  I think that was the seed of cynicism planted in me about teachings that are religion-adjacent.  I should have let the church leadership know how ridiculous that talk was.  

Mr. Natalie and I will have been married 28 years in a few weeks.  I used to wear makeup all the time, even on days off and he said to me early on that it was just him, he thinks I am beautiful so don't bother unless you want to.  Took that and ran with it.  In fact, he sees me often in jammies, hair on top of my head, no makeup.  Not taking advice from a 5 second married unemployed weirdo that times her kisses.

Edited June 3, 2019 by Natalie68

[DangerousMinds]

8 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

Just going to say that hot-dogs are considered a choking hazard for young kids, not to mention one that is positioned on a pointed stick.

Sammy is a cutie.

And if you want a corn dog, Sonic is expensive!

ETA - Coldstone is even more expensive. They were already at sonic but had to get ice cream elsewhere?

Edited June 3, 2019 by DangerousMinds

[galaxychaser]

Only a Christian counselor huh.  I read the whole thing and  🤮 x 100.  Yep be a doormat to Dick with unhinged jaw, skeletal and who looks like he smells. Ignore your kids for 6 second kisses and twice a day showers. And of course stand by the door like a maid waiting to greet jobless Dick. Yep that’s life and love for you.

[libgirl2]

1 hour ago, lilwhitelion said:

When I was newly married (35 years now!), my husband and I attended a talk at our church given by a couple married about 25 years.  I'll never forget the wife saying she would wake before her husband, in order to put on make-up so what she presented to him when he woke would be her fully made-up self.  

I was appalled.  I think that was the seed of cynicism planted in me about teachings that are religion-adjacent.  I should have let the church leadership know how ridiculous that talk was.  

Maybe when you are first dating or married but 25 years? Its been 14 and I wake up looking like Broomhilda most mornings! I do wear make up every day, not for him but because I like it. 

Edited June 3, 2019 by libgirl2

[Trillium]

In their world there are only three sins: Being gay, getting an abortion or getting divorce.  Obviously they will just choose not to be gay, keep all the babies always, and have a marriage checklist of things you must do in order to be happy and if you do all these things you won’t get divorced! Soooo easy  

Other than the stuff about being respectful, I haven’t followed much of this “advice”. Mr Trillium hates when I wear more than mascara. Neither of us enjoy kissing (note this has no bearing on the satisfaction of our sex life) If I ran to meet him every time he walked into the house he’d have me committed. I don’t need to text him all day long that I’m thinking of him. This is more a guide to drive your husband far away. 

[IndianPaintbrush]

You know Jill's "advice" is the exact same b.s. Anna received after the Joshley Madison scandal. Surely Josh would not have strayed if Anna had only rubbed lotion on herself more often. 🙄

[Picture It. Sicily]

1 hour ago, lilwhitelion said:

When I was newly married (35 years now!), my husband and I attended a talk at our church given by a couple married about 25 years.  I'll never forget the wife saying she would wake before her husband, in order to put on make-up so what she presented to him when he woke would be her fully made-up self.  

I was appalled.  I think that was the seed of cynicism planted in me about teachings that are religion-adjacent.  I should have let the church leadership know how ridiculous that talk was.  

My paternal grandmother had that mentality. It really screwed up my dad and when he grew up and married my mother, a woman who didn't believe she should have to become something she wasn't to please him, it more or less laid the groundwork for their marriage crumbling.

Edited June 3, 2019 by Picture It. Sicily