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Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!


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Shout out to everyone participating in the conversation about Jill’s miscarriage/stillbirth. You’re navigating a difficult topic with respect and thoughtfulness and your contributions are kind, considerate, constructive and informative. 

Thank you. 💚💚

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I'd just like to point out, not in defense or condemnation of the woman, that we really have little to no idea of what kind of mother Cathy was.

All we really know is she had a job, her first husband died young and she seems close to her boys. We really have no idea what she believes though.

Edited by flyingdi
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I'd just like to point out, not in defense or condemnation of the woman, that we really have little to no idea of what kind of mother Cathy was.

All we really know is she had a job, her first husband died young and she seems close to her boys. We really have no idea what she believes though.

 

 

I remember before she made her FB private...she was a follower of Ray Comfort. Ick. That said, I think Mr. Cathy is a much more likable person.

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I'd just like to point out, not in defense or condemnation of the woman, that we really have little to no idea of what kind of mother Cathy was.

All we really know is she had a job, her first husband died young and she seems close to her boys. We really have no idea what she believes though.

We know a little; She expressed that she "used the bible to raise her boys" and that "cancer is the devil's work".

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Cathy's belief system isn't all that different than the Duggars. If you recall, she made some sort of comment about not being here today if abortion had been legal during the time she was conceived. Cathy was adopted, so the inference is that if her birth mother had a choice, she would have aborted.

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Which is bullshit, because just because abortion was illegal doesn't mean that women weren't still having them. Plenty of women had back alley and illegal abortions before Roe v. Wade...and plenty of women died because safe, legal abortions weren't available. Now, poor women often didn't have access to abortion because of the cost, but who knows what Cathy's mom's financial situation was. It just aggravates me when Fundies act like there were no abortions prior to Roe v Wade and that if abortion became illegal that it would not happen.

 

So much this.

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We know a little; She expressed that she "used the bible to raise her boys" and that "cancer is the devil's work".

 

What? You have to admit JB was able to weed through the 'creeps'. Dillard had us fooled hunh? His mother with a job, a measley 2 kids, sending her kid to college.. hahah JB saw right through that.

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Good point. Kinda weird for baptists, though.

For the more aggressive IFB, yes.  I've known quite a few more mainline SBC types who waited until they were adults for various reasons.  One of my decades long online friends waited until she was in her 40s.  Her reasoning was it just hadn't felt right before.  I wonder if Derick going the missionary route had anything to do with Dan's decision.

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I can see why TLC included Miss Cathy in the missioncation filming.  She is well liked by viewers and they need to include others to help carry the load--Jill and Derick are dull and the filming needs to be spiced up by somebody!  If they keep up these specials they will find a way to include family members that aren't Boob, Mechelle, and Josh.

Last time they went to language school, they hauled along Joy and one of the Bates' girls,  I suspect the language school is semi-legit and doesn't allow Jill to haul her little blessing to class with her, so Derek's mother is there to provide child care while the missioncationers are in class just like Joy probably did.  And, since they're using her for child care, Miss Cathy is a genuine employee of Dillard Family Ministries and they can not only foot the bill for her travel but also her room and board while they're down there attending class here and there between filming for TLC.

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Last time they went to language school, they hauled along Joy and one of the Bates' girls,  I suspect the language school is semi-legit and doesn't allow Jill to haul her little blessing to class with her, so Derek's mother is there to provide child care while the missioncationers are in class just like Joy probably did.  And, since they're using her for child care, Miss Cathy is a genuine employee of Dillard Family Ministries and they can not only foot the bill for her travel but also her room and board while they're down there attending class here and there between filming for TLC.

 

Just 'cause it's legal, doesn't make it right. Baby Dilly could be right there with mom and dad while they learn Spanish while 'mingling for Jesus'. This is a farce. They really believe that just socializing is a way to convert Christians to Christians, it's also a great way to learn a second language. Then again, Derrick already forgot that he already spoke Spanish so he may need to attend language schools off and on. This is just to appease some donators and to have something to put on Instagram. Makes you wonder if it wouldn't be easier for them to get into CA as ESL teachers. That is much easier to swing in some countries than missionary work.

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It occurred to me, when I was thinking how crazy I'd be, first having my little sister and her friend living with my family for a month, and then soon after having my MIL moving in, that Jill & Derick have lived alone for maybe a year during their less than 2 year marriage.  As Absolom mentioned in another thread the Duggars do have a problem with launching their kids into adulthood.

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I think Jilly is pregnant and needs someone to take care of Izzy because she has morning sickness. 

Oh golly. And to think of how many women have managed early pregnancy all on their own.

Edited by GeeGolly
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I think Jilly is pregnant and needs someone to take care of Izzy because she has morning sickness. 

 

I know a lot of people think she's already pregnant, and they may be right. She's clearly as hyper-fertile as her mother.

 

I doubt it because I don't think that Derick and Jill are a happy couple -- they just don't look especially "together" to me. Their lives have been chaotic for the past year, and I think that they are both emotionally exhausted and are not comfortable enough with each other to lean on one another for support.

 

IMO Jill is still -- in her mind -- a Duggar, not a Dillard. Part of adolescence is beginning to seperate from your parents and trying on new identities -- Jill did none of that. I also think that she has internalized some of J'chelle's obvious disdain for Derick. I also think that Josh-gate was a serious blow to her ego. The show was essentially her dowry and the fame of her "perfect" family the basis of her self-worth.

 

Derick appears (to me) to be simply overwhelmed. He's gone pretty quickly from being a single guy traveling the world to being a husband and father with a 9-5 job. On top of that he had a very sick monther, a super-clingy wife, and in-laws who were in his face 24/7. He may have wanted all this, and he may have signed-on willingly, but he would not be the first person in the world to get exactly what he wanted and to discover that it sucked.

 

I think that they are in a real struggle with Derick desperate to get away from the Duggars and Jill desperate to return to the bosom of her family. I just don't see them as happy newlyweds (or near newlyweds) who can't keep their hands off each other.

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cmr2014, I think you're spot on about Derrick and Jill being less than happy and what might be causing that. Unfortunately, given their belief system, I have a feeling marriage issues might make it more likely that they are rushing into a second pregnancy rather than throwing up the major red flags it would for the rest of us. 

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cmr2014, I think you're spot on about Derrick and Jill being less than happy and what might be causing that. Unfortunately, given their belief system, I have a feeling marriage issues might make it more likely that they are rushing into a second pregnancy rather than throwing up the major red flags it would for the rest of us. 

Yehp, I'm sure Jill has a fertility calendar on her phone. "Oh Derick, it's time".

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cmr2014, I think you're spot on about Derrick and Jill being less than happy and what might be causing that. Unfortunately, given their belief system, I have a feeling marriage issues might make it more likely that they are rushing into a second pregnancy rather than throwing up the major red flags it would for the rest of us. 

Both excellent posts !  I agree wholeheartedly that their marriage has many issues that are only compounded by the fame/infamy issue, the Josh scandal hanging over their heads, and the 24/7 in-your-face Duggar Family Circus. 

 

I wonder if, had they been able/allowed to date like "normal" people, spending time alone, being able to really talk, etc, that they wouldn't have just broken up after a few months ? If I had married the very first guy (Hi, Eric !) that I had a relationship with I would have been divorced in two years. 

 

There's a reason you try clothes on before you buy them. If I "give away pieces of my heart" to make sure my jeans fit then so be it. 

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cmr2014, I think you're spot on about Derrick and Jill being less than happy and what might be causing that. Unfortunately, given their belief system, I have a feeling marriage issues might make it more likely that they are rushing into a second pregnancy rather than throwing up the major red flags it would for the rest of us. 

 

I certainly agree that that's what Jill would think. I'm pretty sure that her definition of marriage is "lots of sex and lots of babies" full stop.

 

Yehp, I'm sure Jill has a fertility calendar on her phone. "Oh Derick, it's time".

 

What I am thinking, though, is that perhaps when Jill says, "Oh, Derick, it's time," Derick doesn't jump. If he doesn't want another baby immediately, I doubt he would be able to have an honest conversation with Jill about that. As I said, I think that Jill is showing some signs of having internalized some of her mother's disdain for Derick. If Derick had an opportunity for sex, and turned it down, I think that would just further fuel her disdain and disappointment with her husband -- her parents "do it" ALL THE TIME. They barely even stop when they're on the putt-putt golf course. Why would a healthy young man turn down the opportunity to make a blessing?

 

And, given the recent Josh scandal, I'm sure that there is an added terror that her husband might stray. There is an enormous amount of pressure on her to be the perfect sexual receptacle / baby-making machine that her mother is. If her husband doesn't want to jump her 24/7, maybe she's doing something wrong?

 

Obviously, this is all completely speculative on my part. To me, they just don't look comfortable together at all. They don't appear to touch each other naturally and familiarly the way a married couple does. They don't appear to be developing the sort of non-verbal communication that most married couples have: a look that says "stop talking about that" or a gesture that says "let's go now."

 

There was a scene a while back that struck me as a total FU Internet moment where Jill and Derick were sitting awkwardly together on a couch talking about how they just fell "naturally into intimacy" after they were married. It would have been hilarious except that these are two actual human beings who are married to each other and are clearly uncomfortable sitting next to one another.

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Ok I need to know more about Michelle's disdain for Derrick. Any idea why?

Derrick took the real mother of a batch Michelle's children away. Bitch might actually be forced to mother one of her children. Edited by CofCinci
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I certainly agree that that's what Jill would think. I'm pretty sure that her definition of marriage is "lots of sex and lots of babies" full stop.

::snipped::

 

I'm thinking that her definition of marriage is simply "lots of babies".

Not so sure about the "lots of sex" thing.

I need to see that wedding kiss but I'm afraid

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Ok I need to know more about Michelle's disdain for Derrick. Any idea why?

 

Ironically, I think that one of the reasons is that Derick likes Jill, and I don't that that J'chelle likes her very much.

 

I also think that despite all their blathering about Jesus, she is put-off by his actual desire to be a missionary. I think that J'chelle is attracted to aggressive men. JB, for all his aw-shucks good-ole-boy BS, is aggressive, hostile, and controlling. Ben also seems to be aggressive -- although he seems to channel his aggression into working out -- and J'chelle can barely keep her hands off of him.

 

I also think that Derick doesn't suck up to her as much as she expects. He seems to be perfectly happy admiring his own mother and thinking his own family is fine without fawing all over her and how amazing she is for having produced so many blessings.

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There was a scene a while back that struck me as a total FU Internet moment where Jill and Derick were sitting awkwardly together on a couch talking about how they just fell "naturally into intimacy" after they were married. It would have been hilarious except that these are two actual human beings who are married to each other and are clearly uncomfortable sitting next to one another.

 

Yeah, but the FU comes in when I think they're trying to say, "we didn't have any problem being sexually incompatible, so no need for us to have 'tried before buying'."  It doesn't actually mean they're comfortable together on any kind of non-sexual level, or even a sexual one.  It means "we figured out Tab A goes in Slot B". 

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i think Jill is pregnant also. 

She had her baby weight from Izzy, then lost weight.  I think the most recent pictures...she looks a little heavier and "preggie".  Maybe bad pictures so it's just speculation, of course. 

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Yeah, but the FU comes in when I think they're trying to say, "we didn't have any problem being sexually incompatible, so no need for us to have 'tried before buying'."  It doesn't actually mean they're comfortable together on any kind of non-sexual level, or even a sexual one.  It means "we figured out Tab A goes in Slot B". 

 

Yes, that is what I was trying to say, but I guess I wasn't clear -- Tab A and Slot B is a pretty clear visual. The purpose of the scene, as you say, was to show that it was no big deal that they had never even kissed before marriage because it was all so "natural." Their body language, however, told a completely different story.

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Even though Derick jumped into the deep end willingly, I can imagine he's become quite disillusioned the longer he's around this family. He put the Duggars on a pedestal only to find out his wife was molested by her brother and his father-in-law swept it under the rug. He barely knew Jill when he married her, so he may have grossly underestimated how immature and poorly educated she was. As a newlywed, I don't think he wanted to spend his weekends playing surrogate dad to James and the Littles. Throw in Jill's neediness and dependence on her family, and I guarantee there's been moments where he's had second thoughts.

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Yes, that is what I was trying to say, but I guess I wasn't clear -- Tab A and Slot B is a pretty clear visual. The purpose of the scene, as you say, was to show that it was no big deal that they had never even kissed before marriage because it was all so "natural." Their body language, however, told a completely different story.

 

Yes, I rather thought that's what you meant, but I wasn't sure if you were separating them out and speaking about only one aspect. :)

 

BTW, forgot to say Izzy with the lime was cute as hell, but scenes making fun of children and taste aversions always strike me as a little exploitative, lol.

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Last time they went to language school, they hauled along Joy and one of the Bates' girls, I suspect the language school is semi-legit and doesn't allow Jill to haul her little blessing to class with her, so Derek's mother is there to provide child care while the missioncationers are in class just like Joy probably did. And, since they're using her for child care, Miss Cathy is a genuine employee of Dillard Family Ministries and they can not only foot the bill for her travel but also her room and board while they're down there attending class here and there between filming for TLC.

Miz Cathy Dillard Byrum is a sorely needed untainted adult family member for Jill & Jessa: Counting On. I think TLC are paying for her to be in Guatemala. Even if she works for free, and she'd have to for visa reasons, it would be cheaper to hire a local domestic/nanny for a pittance, so I don't think plane tickets and living expenses for her could justified.
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Even though Derick jumped into the deep end willingly, I can imagine he's become quite disillusioned the longer he's around this family. He put the Duggars on a pedestal only to find out his wife was molested by her brother and his father-in-law swept it under the rug. He barely knew Jill when he married her, so he may have grossly underestimated how immature and poorly educated she was. As a newlywed, I don't think he wanted to spend his weekends playing surrogate dad to James and the Littles. Throw in Jill's neediness and dependence on her family, and I guarantee there's been moments where he's had second thoughts.

How much could he know considering he spent the two years prior to his courtship/engagement in Nepal? How much could anyone glean from the field trips to Biltmore and baseball bat factories? I don't think he cared, he wanted an off the rack wife. I doubt there's any conflict, he's super vanilla, undemanding and bland, and she's a doormat who's more than willing to change.

The 3 round trips to Walmart HQ each day probably alarmed him, but he doesn't have the stones to even raise the issue with the doormat.

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I also think that Derick doesn't suck up to her as much as she expects. He seems to be perfectly happy admiring his own mother and thinking his own family is fine without fawing all over her and how amazing she is for having produced so many blessings.

I completely agree that Michelle is so used to everyone fawning over her, that she dislikes anyone who doesn't. Derick has his own mother, who seems like an nice, normal, caring, mom. I'm hoping she'll be the one who knocks some sense into him and gets him and Jill away from the cult trappings.

 

Even though Derick jumped into the deep end willingly, I can imagine he's become quite disillusioned the longer he's around this family. He put the Duggars on a pedestal only to find out his wife was molested by her brother and his father-in-law swept it under the rug. He barely knew Jill when he married her, so he may have grossly underestimated how immature and poorly educated she was. As a newlywed, I don't think he wanted to spend his weekends playing surrogate dad to James and the Littles. Throw in Jill's neediness and dependence on her family, and I guarantee there's been moments where he's had second thoughts.

I have never, ever, ever, met any man, who was considering marriage and looking for a wifey type relationship, who still didn't primarily use his uh, little brain, to do the choosing. Derrick was attracted to Jill and fit her into his mold of what he wanted for a wife. As soon as they both said 'missionary' and 'courtship', I don't think either of them stopped to think about anything else. Sure, they went through counseling and some workbook with Jimbob and Michelle, but they would've checked any box and agreed to anything so they could get married as quickly as possible. 

 

I'm absolutely not saying that this is a bad match, or that you have to live together and have premarital sex to have a good marriage. I am saying that they rushed this, and it's too late to do anything about Jill's insane family. Jill's Stage Five clinginess and inability to function while her husband worked a normal 8 hour desk job was disturbing. 

 

Derrick (and Jimbob) wanted this marriage as fast as possible, and now they all have to deal with everything. Derrick wanted to live with Jill (as a wife) ASAP, and I honestly think JimBob wanted to seal the deal as fast as possible to have a wedding special. Not disclosing any of the molestations is really vile, IMO. If Derrick thought Jill 'damaged' then better to know that and send him on his way, if he didn't think that way, wonderful sign that he loves her. However, I'd be mad as hell to find out my disgusting, perverted, brother in law 

 

Yes, I rather thought that's what you meant, but I wasn't sure if you were separating them out and speaking about only one aspect. :)

 

BTW, forgot to say Izzy with the lime was cute as hell, but scenes making fun of children and taste aversions always strike me as a little exploitative, lol.

Duggars? Exploit? NEVER

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Derick's mom has to be careful. If you step into the ring, you are part of the circus. She will open herself to all sorts of criticisms. That whole, 'cancer is the devil's work' thingy is just the beginning. It's possible to be a family member and stay out of the media gossip mill. I'm thinking of whatsherface, Ozzy's Osbourne's daughter who didn't appear much, if at all, in their reality show.

Edited by sometimesy
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I'm absolutely not saying that this is a bad match, or that you have to live together and have premarital sex to have a good marriage. I am saying that they rushed this, and it's too late to do anything about Jill's insane family. Jill's Stage Five clinginess and inability to function while her husband worked a normal 8 hour desk job was disturbing. 

 

 

 

To be fair, if you're used to the howlers racketing around, it's possible you simply can't function outside of an aural and visual zoo.  Me, I'd be thirsting to get away from the clangor, but Jill's clearly not got my sensory processing issues, and is probably an extrovert in the bargain.

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To be fair, if you're used to the howlers racketing around, it's possible you simply can't function outside of an aural and visual zoo.  Me, I'd be thirsting to get away from the clangor, but Jill's clearly not got my sensory processing issues, and is probably an extrovert in the bargain.

I also think, due to JimBob's selfemployment, he was probably home all the time, and she had no idea that normal people with real jobs have to be separated from their spouses on occasion. Good thing she didn't marry a military man. 

 

ETA: This is another instance where having an accountability partner attached to your hip 24/7, and never being allowed to be alone or have an independent thought has caused problems. Jill has never had a minute to herself in her entire life, and without her headship to protect her from satan's minions, or an accountability partner to keep her from committing murder or whatever, she was probably terrified to be alone. These people are insane.

Edited by RazzleberryPie
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Ok I need to know more about Michelle's disdain for Derrick. Any idea why?

 

Ironically, I think that one of the reasons is that Derick likes Jill, and I don't that that J'chelle likes her very much.

 

I also think that despite all their blathering about Jesus, she is put-off by his actual desire to be a missionary. I think that J'chelle is attracted to aggressive men. JB, for all his aw-shucks good-ole-boy BS, is aggressive, hostile, and controlling. Ben also seems to be aggressive -- although he seems to channel his aggression into working out -- and J'chelle can barely keep her hands off of him.

 

I also think that Derick doesn't suck up to her as much as she expects. He seems to be perfectly happy admiring his own mother and thinking his own family is fine without fawing all over her and how amazing she is for having produced so many blessings.

I agree with the last part about Derrick being attached to his own mother and all. Also his own family.

 

As for Michelle, she was a cheerleader in high school and she seems to me always to still sort be a cheerleader in the most stereotyped, Glee-type way (and I admit that most of the cheerleaders I know personally were nothing like the stereotypes) . She likes jocks and popular kids and is more disdainful towards geeks and outcasts. If she likes Jessa and Ben better than Jill and Derrick, maybe its because they like to work out (jocks) and Jill and Derrick are a little more nerdy. 

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I really don't get the impression that Derrick or his mom have any major problems with the Duggar family. I also don't think Derrick is the type of guy to consider Jill damaged goods because of the molestation either. And I don't believe Cathy B would hold judgment over the way the Duggar parents handled the situation. She may not agree that it was handled properly, but she doesn't appear to be the type to reject them because of it. I'm sure she has given Derrick private talks of not having his children around Josh, though.

 

I just get the vibe that the Byrum/Dillard family is more similar, than different from the Duggar family as far as their beliefs go.

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I really don't get the impression that Derrick or his mom have any major problems with the Duggar family. I also don't think Derrick is the type of guy to consider Jill damaged goods because of the molestation either. And I don't believe Cathy B would hold judgment over the way the Duggar parents handled the situation. She may not agree that it was handled properly, but she doesn't appear to be the type to reject them because of it. I'm sure she has given Derrick private talks of not having his children around Josh, though.

 

I just get the vibe that the Byrum/Dillard family is more similar, than different from the Duggar family as far as their beliefs go.

 

I think that their religious beliefs are the same -- they Bynums attend Cross Church where the Duggars used to go, right? -- but not their cultural beliefs.

 

Cathy Bynum held a job (a pretty significant job that would involve bossing men around), dresses tastefully in modern clothes, cuts her hair, and doesn't stare googly-eyed at her husband 24/7. Dan has a girlfriend -- they're not "courting" as far as we know.

 

I think that Cathy Bynum is attempting to be a good MIL by staying out of their business. From what little we've seen, I get the impression that she finds the Duggars a little off-putting (the scene where J'chelle condescendingly tells her that she raised a "good son" comes to mind), but makes every effort to get along with them for Derick's sake. I also doubt very seriously that she has had a private conversation with her son since his marriage since Jill has to keep him under surveylence every second that he's not at work (and, I assume, full-time 24/7 now that he's not working).

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I find it interesting here that we spell Derrick's name so many ways.  Some go with Derick, others with Derrick, Derick, or whatever.  I could look it up and see how HE spells it, but it's more fun to see how many ways we mangle it.  Including me, and different ways on different days.

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Yes, I rather thought that's what you meant, but I wasn't sure if you were separating them out and speaking about only one aspect. :)

 

BTW, forgot to say Izzy with the lime was cute as hell, but scenes making fun of children and taste aversions always strike me as a little exploitative, lol.

 

To me, the worst thing about the lime incident is it teaches Izzy, before he is even verbal, that adults are not to be trusted.

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To me, the worst thing about the lime incident is it teaches Izzy, before he is even verbal, that adults are not to be trusted.

My seven month old just started solids. We're doing baby-led weaning so she generally eats just regular food: steamed veg, fruits, some beans, etc. In a time of touching milestones, watching her explore food, feed herself, and develop excitement and passion for eating is the milestone that touches me the most. She's just so INTO it.

My point? She takes food from us with curiosity and intent. She trusts us and we take that seriously. It's super shitty to me, thus, to watch them make Israel the butt of a joke for their own amusement.

I'm probably overreacting because this is a timely and important topic for me. Hell, I've been lurking for almost a year and THIS is the subject that spurred me to make an account. Aheh.

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I find it interesting here that we spell Derrick's name so many ways.  Some go with Derick, others with Derrick, Derick, or whatever.  I could look it up and see how HE spells it, but it's more fun to see how many ways we mangle it.  Including me, and different ways on different days.

We call him D bag, if you'd like!

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