Jessa, Ben and Their Brood: Making a (Diaper) Mountain out of a Mold House

[Hpmec]

The thought of marrying someone you've never been alone with is insane. At the very least people contemplating marriage need to have long brutally honest private conversations exploring everything from attitudes about money to expectations about sex to career goals to food preferences and on and on. How can anyone be ready to make a lifelong commitment to someone they know only under very controlled circumstances? The Duggars do their kids no favors. With the spectacularly immature Jessa and Ben, the rush into marriage will, I fear, come back to bite them in the butt bigtime.

Edited October 27, 2014 by Hpmec

[GEML]

It all really does come back to self control and the lack of it. On the one hand, it's clear that plenty if people do have it and denying it in your children is sad and disrespectful to both yourself and children.

However, it is also true that even among those who claim to have it, the don't. It is the reason why there are so many unexpected pregnancies. The Duggars aren't completely off the Mark that with 19 children that if left unsupervised, the chances of all of their children waiting for marriage to have sex is nearly zero.

Statistically, most couples, even religious couples, do end up having sex before marriage.

But that doesn't mean the solution is what the Duggars are doing. There are certainly plenty if options in between that many of us who grew up in devout households know about that permitted us to know what we wanted in a husband without having to rely on daddy to arrange a marriage. Yuk.

[PityFree]

Could you imagine the horror they would experience if they heard about Speed Dating???

Edited October 27, 2014 by PityFree

[3girlsforus]

It all really does come back to self control and the lack of it. On the one hand, it's clear that plenty if people do have it and denying it in your children is sad and disrespectful to both yourself and children.

However, it is also true that even among those who claim to have it, the don't. It is the reason why there are so many unexpected pregnancies. The Duggars aren't completely off the Mark that with 19 children that if left unsupervised, the chances of all of their children waiting for marriage to have sex is nearly zero.

Statistically, most couples, even religious couples, do end up having sex before marriage.

But that doesn't mean the solution is what the Duggars are doing. There are certainly plenty if options in between that many of us who grew up in devout households know about that permitted us to know what we wanted in a husband without having to rely on daddy to arrange a marriage. Yuk.

All very true. I think another issue here is that they are denying their children the right to make decisions for themselves. When the Duggars are children they are taught the Duggar beliefs. That's true of every family. We all teach our children our belief system, our values etc and why we believe what we do. We hope we train our children to make wise decisions. But when they become adults, and if you are getting married you are an adult, you have to decide these things for yourself. They are denying their children to ability to be anything but mini-Michelles and mini-JimBobs. Our children may very well grow up to make decisions they are happy with but that we wouldn't make. I venture to say there is no one reading this who thinks exactly the same as their parents so why should anyone expect that of their children.

 

What the Duggars do with their form of courting isn't even just about having sex or not. It's about making sure by the time they figure out that they might not believe everything their parents do they are married and it's too late to do anything about it. It's sick, controlling, egoism. 

[Mrsjumbo]

Are these girls forced to marry the first person they meet? Sure seems like it.

What makes it worse is that a perfectly acceptable suitor might be rejected because he doesn't want to be on tv.

Or they start courting but one of them decides to break up before there is an actual engagement (I would assume the non-Duggar since the Duggars would never disobey JB's decision for their future spouse). Imagine doing that knowing it will be filmed & millions of people will be watching!

[3girlsforus]

Or they start courting but one of them decides to break up before there is an actual engagement (I would assume the non-Duggar since the Duggars would never disobey JB's decision for their future spouse). Imagine doing that knowing it will be filmed & millions of people will be watching!

 

Is that even allowed to happen? It seems like if they could decide not to marry it would be more likely they wouldn't marry than they would since they don't even know each other at all until the guy is Daddy approved and they are already courting. I always assumed once the courting had started they really couldn't change their minds.

[ginger90]

In one of the "Ask the Duggars" one of the younger boys stated, "You can't date until you are married.". So, there you go!

[Jynnan tonnix]

As much as I don't like the way they work this whole thing, arranged marriages do seem to have a reasonable chance of succeeding, especially when paired with a mindset that marriage is a solemn vow. Now, this does not necessarily equal happiness, but in a weird way  I do see where in their world the notion of never having the opportunity to "give away a piece of one's heart" can (possibly) keep someone paired up in this way from pining over notions of what might have been. It may still not equate to happiness, but if the spouse is a reasonably good, supportive, loyal and attentive person, that first "smitten" feeling the girls experience may very well grow to become an all-encompassing adoration if they are never permitted to glimpse the possibility of a different match. Assuming there is no abuse or unbearable incompatibility, the fact that they don't really have any conception of an alternative will probably keep them more satisfied than they might otherwise have been. In a twisted way, their lifestyle does offer a variety of protection against heartbreak.

 

I can't imagine, on the other hand, that the older children, at least, have not picked up enough outside ideas to influence them to some extent.

[Mrsjumbo]

Is that even allowed to happen? It seems like if they could decide not to marry it would be more likely they wouldn't marry than they would since they don't even know each other at all until the guy is Daddy approved and they are already courting. I always assumed once the courting had started they really couldn't change their minds.

I thought before Jill was officially courting they mentioned that they could decide if they were going to be compatible. Maybe once they are "courting" that is like a pre- engagement & shouldn't be broken? I don't know all of their stupid rules!

[GEML]

There have been enough rumors of Duggar courtships that I suspect that there was at least some chatter going on. Yes, they are isolated from what we think of as dating, but there is a big reason these folks travel in packs to weddings and parties of like-minded people they barely know. They all have children of courting age and they are seeing who is out there and letting the next generation get to know each other in a group setting. Just the Duggar and Bates weddings alone this year would have provided, what, five or six opportunities?

[zenme]

I think the Benessa marriage could end somewhat tragically like: Jessa is out of town for a day and Ben tries to microwave a meal.  He wraps it in foil and blows himself or something.  Or he gets crushed to death as he's trying to install a ceiling fan in the Benessa love cottage. 

[JennDear77]

He wraps it in foil and blows himself or something.

If Ben could do that I doubt he'd be in such a rush to get married.

[Fuzzysox]

There have been enough rumors of Duggar courtships that I suspect that there was at least some chatter going on. Yes, they are isolated from what we think of as dating, but there is a big reason these folks travel in packs to weddings and parties of like-minded people they barely know. They all have children of courting age and they are seeing who is out there and letting the next generation get to know each other in a group setting. Just the Duggar and Bates weddings alone this year would have provided, what, five or six opportunities?

Pretty much exactly what the gypsy community does too.

I thing this whole Binessa thing was a Michael Seewald's production. Get his not so bright kid married off to fundie royalty. Once that happens Bin will be famous and Michael can start his ministry riding off the backs of the Duggars. Just a strange theory I have.

[Barb23]

According to the Duggar Family Blog website, Ben & Jessa are taking a break from wedding prep & are on the FRCA bus tour with Josh & Anna and other Duggars. Unbelievable! With less than a week til the wedding, you would think there are still things to do. According to the schedule, Thursday looks like the last day of the tour. In one of the pictures, there are campaign stickers on Ben's back. Very mature looking for the groom to be.

[Higgins]

Derick and Jill, and Ben and Jessa may "say" they love each other, but they really don't know one another yet, for all the reasons that have been listed here and probably more than that...having said that, I think that there is a distinct possibility that after a short time together, day in and day out, as they get to experience each other they may not actually LIKE each other at all..there are many elements to "chemistry" and these people give NO TIME to the couple to determine what it is that was attracting them to each other in the first place. There is initial "junior high school crush stage" that Anna and Jill experience(d), sexual attraction as it's the first and only person to say "hey" to them, the hype of attention "courting" brings. None of these 3 girls were and or are no where near being ready for marriage....they only prepare to "have babies". I don't think that Jessa likes Ben much at all, maybe Ben doesn't like Jessa either, as she can be rather sharp and insulting, distant and uncaring. He is attracted to her for the lust....it will fade quickly. What then?

Yeah, but love is a choice and an action, not a feeling.

[Jellybeans]

According to the Duggar Family Blog website, Ben & Jessa are taking a break from wedding prep & are on the FRCA bus tour with Josh & Anna and other Duggars.

Maybe this is the "breaking point" and no wedding will follow....

[CarolMK]

I can only hope for the best for these two. Maybe they wil surprise us all and live happily ever after.  It would probably be best for them to move away from the Duggar compound, even if it's back to the Hot Springs area. Jessa's future inlaws seem to really like her, he has sisters she could hang out with sometimes and Ben could continue on in college there and go into business with his dad. Anything seems better than being Jim Bob's handyman.

[GEML]

I think it is true that love is a choice and an action. I don't know too many couple who have been married a long time who haven't experienced at least once a period of time where they realize the person they are married to is someone they don't like very much (often in that moment you don't like yourself very much) and somehow you have to find a way through that. Strong, loving couples do.

But who wants to do that in the earliest years with someone you barely even know? I'm not going to say that it can't work - arranged marriages actually work pretty well. But I'm awfully glad I didn't have to make one.

[Higgins]

My point is that if they are both good people and they have common goals and values they can chose to love each other and they can chose to be happy.

[3girlsforus]

My point is that if they are both good people and they have common goals and values they can chose to love each other and they can chose to be happy.

I agree but I worry that they haven't been able to determine for themselves what their goals and values are. Their parents have common goals and values. 

[Higgins]

I agree but I worry that they haven't been able to determine for themselves what their goals and values are. Their parents have common goals and values. 

Yeah, that's true.

[PityFree]

I hope that Jessa has decided to push the wedding back and extend her courtship. It's not like they'd lose deposits on caterers or a band. It won't take much to reschedule the Sam's Club brand mixed nuts and powedered lemon-aid feast.

 

And really, what is the upside to ending courtship? She'd either be married to so-horny-he's-going-to-explode, unemployed, teenaged, virgin Bin or have to go back to having jurisdictions and raising her mothers' kids again. If I were in her place, I'd have a courtship that took yearrrrrrssssss. And I would pray that blue balls was fatal so that Jim Boob would have to spin the wheel of unmarried male fundies to pick a different guy for me.

Edited October 27, 2014 by PityFree

[RandomX]

It's beyond Jessa's call now. She'll be married as scheduled and the pregnancy will be announced shortly.

[BitterApple]

If Jill's wedding was a hot ass mess with so much attention paid to detail, I can't imagine how bad anti-bride Jessa's will be. I can't wait for the pictures. 

[RazzleberryPie]

If Jill's wedding was a hot ass mess with so much attention paid to detail, I can't imagine how bad anti-bride Jessa's will be. I can't wait for the pictures. 

I think her Anti-Bride act is overcompensation for not being that into Bin, and not knowing how to act like a 'normal' bride (being able to gush and giggle, without any pressure at the the beginning of the relationship, then dating, progressing on to a more serious relationship, engagement, then marriage, all without chaperones and tv cameras.). I appreciate dating with an intention, not being unsafe or promiscuous, etc., but they seriously go from 0 to 80 mph in a split second, relationshipwise.

[Darknight]

I hope that Jessa has decided to push the wedding back and extend her courtship. It's not like they'd lose deposits on caterers or a band. It won't take much to reschedule the Sam's Club brand mixed nuts and powedered lemon-aid feast.

And really, what is the upside to ending courtship? She'd either be married to so-horny-he's-going-to-explode, unemployed, teenaged, virgin Bin or have to go back to having jurisdictions and raising her mothers' kids again. If I were in her place, I'd have a courtship that took yearrrrrrssssss. And I would pray that blue balls was fatal so that Jim Boob would have to spin the wheel of unmarried male fundies to pick a different guy for me.

Yeah right. Ben's erection hasn't gone down for a year.

[Brooklynista]

Seriously, can you imagine having to get married just to get laid? That's terrible! I can't imagine what my life would be life if I married the moron I foolishly gave my virginity to. By the third time Jessa may catch on that Ben is wack as hell and then what?

Ugh.

Edited October 27, 2014 by Brooklynista

[Fuzzysox]

So what is in MEchelle's   box that she gives to the girls before they get married? I'm dying to know what the heck Jill got and now what she is going to give JessaBlessa.

[PityFree]

So what is in MEchelle's box that she gives to the girls before they get married? I'm dying to know what the heck Jill got and now what she is going to give JessaBlessa.

What's in the box? What's in the box?!? WHAT'S IN THE BOX!?!?

[Darknight]

So what is in MEchelle's box that she gives to the girls before they get married? I'm dying to know what the heck Jill got and now what she is going to give JessaBlessa.

A pregnancy test

[3girlsforus]

If Jill's wedding was a hot ass mess with so much attention paid to detail, I can't imagine how bad anti-bride Jessa's will be. I can't wait for the pictures. 

 

I've seen pictures of the wedding and of course commercials but I'm not sure why you think the wedding was a hot mess? It didn't look fancy but I've been to a lot of weddings that didn't cost more than a car and there was nothing wrong with them.

[Ripley68]

Oh come on, you know these girls are gonna be freaks in the sheets.  Michelle's box probably has the Karma Sutra in it, maybe some handcuffs....

 

It's really sad that these people are getting married just so they can have sex.  They pretty much say that in ever TH.

[Almost 3000]

A pregnancy test

A wall calendar for cycle tracking.

[drafan]

I think Jessa's been pissed off this whole TV season. The new (scripted) bit was supposed to be about her courting...they were probably going to drag it on forever, making her and Ben the focal points of the season. Then Jill snuck in there with the whole DerickDillard thing and stole her thunder. Thus the sour grapes at not trying on a wedding dress, saying she's not the photographer at the photo session, etc. JB probably told her this guy was too young and had no job, so she had to wait. Meanwhile, he gives the go-ahead to DerickDillard and Jill. She probably gave him a tough time......so that's when he invented the job for Ben so he could live there and get more TLC face-time (for a paycheck). Bet she threatened him with eloping or something. Just conjecturing, but she does seem to have an underlying attitude all the time.

 

Can't wait to see how this wedding plays out. I think she's had it planned out in her head for a year. Should be interesting to see if she loses the attitude.

 

Anyhow.....she will be pregnant by this time next week.

Edited October 28, 2014 by drafan

[GEML]

See, I have the opposite reaction. I think Jessa feels her relationship was being used for the cameras and didn't like it. Maybe feels that Ben is a little too enthralled with the cameras, and she keeps her feelings close. In some religious households wanting something becomes an emotional weapon used against you. I think she's trying to protect herself. As to why is an interesting question, given that Jill didn't seem to feel that need at all....

[Sew Sumi]

My point is that if they are both good people and they have common goals and values they can chose to love each other and they can chose to be happy.

This sounds 100% David and Priscilla Waller. There is an undeniable lust component to Benessa that was absent with TFDW and Prissy. A year ago, Jessa may have been courting this guy, but she didn't seem to like him very much. I still think much of her "attraction" is nothing more than what Gothardism tells her to do, reinforced by her mother's simpering behavior.

 

Now that she has that down, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that she's going to run roughshod all over poor Bin. He won't know what hit him, especially once he starts attending the University of Arkansas full-time next year and still needs to work full-time to support them. Lord knows that Jessa doesn't really have any marketable skills, aside from organizing to pack a stink bus and hair curling.

Edited October 28, 2014 by Sew Sumi

[cmr2014]

I am very weirded out by the whole "taking a break from wedding planning" for the bus tour thing. The election date wasn't just set recently. Surely they knew that there was an election taking place a few days after the wedding. If they wanted to devote themselves to the campaign trail, why not schedule the wedding for Nov 8?

 

No photos have been leaked of them decorating their new home. There were a few pictures of a shower on Pickles and Hairspray, but that's it. Maybe TLC wants to do a better job of keeping a blackout on this relationship so that they can have a full season of "All About Jessa!"

[Sew Sumi]

Well, with the cancellation of Honey BooBoo, I've read on other boards (but can't confirm on my Comcast guide) that TLC is airing the Benessa engagement next week. Let's hope TLC airs this hot mess in a timely fashion, ie. the Roloff wedding.

[Mrsjumbo]

I think you're right about TLC. Granted I don't watch the show regularly, just catch snippets here & there, but it recently did seem "all about Jill", & I'm not talking about that one episode.

My feeling is that she wants to do whatever it takes to get out of that house, even if it means marrying a man (boy) she does not respect.

[DangerousMinds]

I am very weirded out by the whole "taking a break from wedding planning" for the bus tour thing. The election date wasn't just set recently. Surely they knew that there was an election taking place a few days after the wedding. If they wanted to devote themselves to the campaign trail, why not schedule the wedding for Nov 8?

 

No photos have been leaked of them decorating their new home. There were a few pictures of a shower on Pickles and Hairspray, but that's it. Maybe TLC wants to do a better job of keeping a blackout on this relationship so that they can have a full season of "All About Jessa!"

What new home?

[cmr2014]

 

What new home?

 

That's kind of my point. There were tons of pictures of Jill and Derick decorating their new home before the wedding. Nothing of Benessa. There hasn't even been a little leak about where they will be living. It just seems odd.

[DangerousMinds]

Probably because neither has a job. And the groom is still a teenager.

[Temperance]

So the wedding invitation is online. I read an article that featured it. 

Their "side hug" looks funky to me. It seems more like 90 degrees versus the 150 degrees of the usual side hug. 

 

It says Mr. & Mrs. Jim Bob Duggar. It also says Ben is the son of Michael & Guinn Seewald. 

 

Jessa may be bossy and cold to Ben, but she's got that "infatuated glow, beaming up at him" down. For all I know it's genuine.

Edited October 28, 2014 by Temperance

[Darknight]

That's kind of my point. There were tons of pictures of Jill and Derick decorating their new home before the wedding. Nothing of Benessa. There hasn't even been a little leak about where they will be living. It just seems odd.

Ben will move in with the Duggars. Jessa will stay in her room and Ben with the boys

[DangerousMinds]

Mr. and Mrs. Jim Bob. SMDH.

[floridamom]

I sincerely hope that TLC uses the now vacated time slot of Honey Boo Boo to air Jessa's courtship and wedding. This will enable them to catch up to real time and begin a proper season early next year...I, for one am tired of watching old news...yes, I agree that Jessa Blessa will be "expecting" next week. Maybe she wants to out do sweet sister Jilly Muffin...(who, by the way, needs to leave and cleave), put on her big girl panties, and live her own life in her own home away from her "buddies". She doesn 't need to see the daily...Doesn't MIchelle realize or care that they have NOT bonded with her at all? Jim Bob already set the standard for his marrying up kids when Josh married...he clearly dissed Josh and Anna with his silver platter treatment given to Jill...he needs to do something equal for Josh, it's never too late and continue the bar with the remaining 16. It's the results of his own actions hatching all those kids years ago. Plain and simple.

I'm sure Jill was frightened out of her skin after Derick left for work the first time, as she has never been alone, EVER, not for one moment. Her parents should think about that and what negative affect it has on their now adult children.... get real folks.

[3girlsforus]

Mr. and Mrs. Jim Bob. SMDH.

This is so annoying. It doesn't matter if you are getting married in your living room or at the National Cathedral... your wedding invitation is formal. You use your actual name. It is 'Mr. and Mrs. James Duggar'. 

[Almost 3000]

Josh's house and car lot = Jill's house. I don't think Josh was cheated. I'm waiting to see how Jessa is treated though. So far it looks like Ben got a rake and Jessa some ice cream cups...

[JerseyGirl]

I sincerely hope that TLC uses the now vacated time slot of Honey Boo Boo to air Jessa's courtship and wedding. 

 

I think they are holding that timeslot for Kate + 8. ugh.

[Higgins]

Why does it matter what the invitation says?