Commercials That Annoy, Irritate or Outright Enrage

[ShutUpLutz]

20 minutes ago, Tom Holmberg said:

Normal vision is 20/20, which means you can clearly see an object 20 feet away. If you’re legally blind, your vision is 20/200 or less, which means if an object is 200 feet away, you have to stand 20 feet from it in order to see it clearly. But a person with normal vision can stand 200 feet away and see that object clearly. 

A  visual field of 180 degrees is considered normal

I had to think about what you posted for a couple of minutes because I got straight D's in geometry back in high school, and let's not talk about the physics class I took in college, but I think I've got a handle on it. Thank you for the info,

NOW LETS GET BACK TO RIPPING SHITTY COMMERCIALS TO PIECES!!!

There was a Burger King one a year or so back, with a wussy, wimpy guy wearing one of the BK Crowns talking about the croissant breakfast sandwich, and EVERYTHING about him made me want to strangle him. He just seemed WAY too much of a Jewish stereotype,  And the way his voice sounded drove me up the fucking wall.

Edited September 25, 2018 by ShutUpLutz
add stuff, erase stuff

[walnutqueen]

28 minutes ago, Tom Holmberg said:

Maybe he's saying "You can hear the wails."  And everybody misunderstands.

Marry me.

[Reality police]

This may have been addressed before. These ads about HVP vaccine just chip me off. I want to answer, "Yes your father and I knew all along that this one little shot could prevent a deadly disease and we just blew it off. What are the chances you will get sick? You'll be out of our house by then and have your own insurance by then." 

Just. Chips. Me. Off. https://www.ispot.tv/ad/wIvV/know-hpv-who-knew-cancer

[Tom Holmberg]

2 hours ago, mmecorday said:

"Do not eat Skippy if you are allergic to it."

Or Jif might have a disclaimer, "May contain peanuts." (We always ate Skippy.)

[Ubiquitous]

On ‎9‎/‎22‎/‎2018 at 3:44 PM, MadyGirl1987 said:

I cringe whenever this commercial comes on. He is so over the top and the fact he keeps saying the same thing doesn't help.

It reminds me of some of the things I hated most about the 1990's. Ugh.

 

On ‎9‎/‎23‎/‎2018 at 7:54 PM, Bastet said:

This commercial just aired, and she says "Santa," not "Sandra."  (There's something after that about the North Pole, so it's definitely Santa.)

Santa? Kissing? North Pole?

TMI!

On ‎9‎/‎23‎/‎2018 at 9:44 PM, SmithW6079 said:

There's a Pizza Hut commercial where two asshole parents are teaching their daughter to be one of those asshole sport fans. As the asshole kid screeches in rage and tears a Pizza Hut pizza box, the asshole parents high-five each other.

OMFG! That Pizza Hut ad with the little girl screaming and tearing up the pizza box makes me so angry that I just can't deal with it!

I mean, gawdamn, even the football players they are watching are like "Take it down a notch or twelve, little girl!"!

[MadyGirl1987]

6 minutes ago, Ubiquitous said:

OMFG! That Pizza Hut ad with the little girl screaming and tearing up the pizza box makes me so angry that I just can't deal with it!

I mean, gawdamn, even the football players they are watching are like "Take it down a notch or twelve, little girl!"!

 

I know! I get it’s supposed to be cute but all I am thinking is that she will be in therapy for anger issues some day. I mean, what would she do if the team lost?

[mmecorday]

Quote

Or Jif might have a disclaimer, "May contain peanuts." (We always ate Skippy.)

But ... but choosy moms choose Jif! Or they don't get their badge from The Baroness.

[LoneHaranguer]

2 hours ago, Tom Holmberg said:

Maybe he's saying "You can hear the wails."  And everybody misunderstands.

So not all of his victims are dead?

[proserpina65]

So now annoying Fios boy is stalking some poor Fios installer/repair guy.  Who totally has a "get away from me, creepy Fios boy" look when the kid asks if the installer wants him to watch his van while he's inside working.

[janie jones]

8 hours ago, Ilovecomputers said:

I used to have a blind neighbor, complete with a seeing-eye dog ("Pilot").  While in my car one day, I saw them in the distance as I was arriving home.  Without thinking, I waved at them.  HE WAVED BACK.  I sat in my garage and pondered that for awhile.

How far away were you?  Is it possible he heard your car and initiated a wave, unaware of your own?

[QuinnInND]

On 9/23/2018 at 8:30 PM, jcbrown said:

I did not think the Ruby Tuesday commercials with Rachael Dratch could get worse. I was wrong. The new one with her as a bad lounge singer aired about ten million times today. Can't hit mute fast enough.

Am I supposed to know who she is? I thought it was Tracey Ullman. And yes, mute city. 

[jcbrown]

20 minutes ago, QuinnInND said:

Am I supposed to know who she is? I thought it was Tracey Ullman. And yes, mute city. 

She was on SNL from 1999 to ~2006. She was pretty annoying there, too.

[ShutUpLutz]

2 minutes ago, jcbrown said:

She was on SNL from 1999 to ~2006. She was pretty annoying there, too.

So I'm guessing you were NOT a big fan of the "Debbie Downer" sketches.

[bilgistic]

I think she's great and funny as hell. She had a recurring role on The King of Queens.

[bilgistic]

I keep seeing the insipid commercial for this new show, New Amsterdam. The new hospital administrator(?) (don't know, don't care) that the show is about is having a meeting in a surgical theater(?) (there are bleachers(?)) and asks the surgeons to raise their hands. They do, and he says, "You're all fired." The commercial has come on SO MANY TIMES that I refuse to watch the show just out of spite.

The generically handsome white male doctor is going to turn this hospital around! Spare me.

Edited September 26, 2018 by bilgistic

[Brattinella]

36 minutes ago, bilgistic said:

meeting in a surgical theater(?) (there are bleachers(?))

Yes, I  believe there are bleachers in surgical theaters in teaching hospitals.  Pretty common.

[Browncoat]

5 hours ago, Brattinella said:

Yes, I  believe there are bleachers in surgical theaters in teaching hospitals.  Pretty common.

Just don’t take your Junior Mints in with you [/Seinfeld]

[ShutUpLutz]

9 hours ago, bilgistic said:

I keep seeing the insipid commercial for this new show, New Amsterdam. The new hospital administrator(?) (don't know, don't care) that the show is about is having a meeting in a surgical theater(?) (there are bleachers(?)) and asks the surgeons to raise their hands. They do, and he says, "You're all fired." The commercial has come on SO MANY TIMES that I refuse to watch the show just out of spite.

The generically handsome white male doctor is going to turn this hospital around! Spare me.

I thought it was a lecture hall. Looked like a lecture hall. But you COULD do surgery in a lecture hall. Anyway, I more or less wholeheartedly agree with your shaking fisted outrage towards this new medical show on NBC. It's pretty obvious whoever came up with the idea who apparently is a dude named David Schulner who you are free to go and harass on Twitter anyway it's obvious this show is meant to be a VERY IMPORTANT STATEMENT about the shittyness of the health care system in the US, which, DUH. 

C'mon, if I want to get preached at about how terrible the system is, I'm not gonna watch an hour long show about it on network tv. OR AM I??!!

Possibly not.

There was a Trojan ad a while back, with a couple DUH, the dude was to use a term from the early 80's "Groady to the max!" Oily unwashed hair, scraggly beard, rumpled clothes, just EWWWWWWWWW. Anyway he's talking to his paramour and mentions that he can prove how much he loves her because "I don't pass gas in front of you."* 

WOW!!!! Lady, don't pass go, don't collect $200, DRAG THIS MAN TO CITY HALL AND YOU MARRY HIM THIS INSTANT! You can use your cat as a witness.

*Needless to say the unspoken word there is "yet" as in "I don't pass gas in front of you. Yet."

[Blergh]

Do ads for shows one dislikes coming on during shows one is watching count as Commercials That Annoy? If so, I'd like to give a hearty JEER for all those 'ghost buster'  and 'paranoid activity' program ads that pop up during travel shows I LIKE on The Travel Channel! Come on, I have ZERO interest in this stuff and don't need all these unpleasant images bombarding me even when I mute it! Let those folks who like the programs search the program guide for it.

[funky-rat]

On ‎9‎/‎24‎/‎2018 at 6:17 PM, spiderpig said:

Return of the Living Dead or The Walking Dead?  We are zombie freaks.  

 

The only correct answers to that question are: Night Of The Living Dead/Dawn Of The Dead (1978 only)/Land Of The Dead.  We pretend that Day Of The Dead doesn't exist.  Romero rules.

On ‎9‎/‎24‎/‎2018 at 8:31 PM, TattleTeeny said:

Home of my beloved Barney Miller!

Mine too!  My dad got me in to that show when I was younger (I was the only kid I knew in elementary school who watched it  -I love me some Dietrich and Yemana).  I just got my husband in to it.  :D

21 hours ago, Reality police said:

This may have been addressed before. These ads about HVP vaccine just chip me off. I want to answer, "Yes your father and I knew all along that this one little shot could prevent a deadly disease and we just blew it off. What are the chances you will get sick? You'll be out of our house by then and have your own insurance by then." 

Just. Chips. Me. Off. https://www.ispot.tv/ad/wIvV/know-hpv-who-knew-cancer

I mentioned it before, mainly because the kids are just such bad actors.  Did...do....no?  Mom?  Da?

13 hours ago, jcbrown said:

She was on SNL from 1999 to ~2006. She was pretty annoying there, too.

She was also Spencer's girlfriend on King Of Queens.  Also annoying, but Spencer was too (by character design).

[QuinnInND]

13 hours ago, jcbrown said:

She was on SNL from 1999 to ~2006. She was pretty annoying there, too.

Ah Ok. That explains it. I haven't watched SNL since I was a kid (early 80s) and don't watch King of Queens either. 

[Tom Holmberg]

19 hours ago, LoneHaranguer said:

So not all of his victims are dead?

Not yet!

[Tom Holmberg]

19 hours ago, mmecorday said:

But ... but choosy moms choose Jif!

Believe me, my Mom wasn't choosy!

[ShutUpLutz]

There was an ad for Pediasure a few years ago showing this kid shoving a FULL PLATE OF SCRUMPTIOUS DELICIOUS FOOD INCLUDING SOME KIND OF MEAT away from him and shaking his head like , "No, mommy, it's gross." Now, does mommy make him sit there until he at least tries one bit of everything? FUCK and NO. Does she chastise him in any way, shape or manner? Seriously, don't you know that all children these days are angelic pwecious unique snowfwakes whose every whim and desire must be indulged including being allowed to act like a brat at the dinner table. Instead of acting like a good parent or someone with even an inch of actual spine, she rushes out to the pharmacy or wherever the hell you get Pediasure from and suddenly everything is super-dee-dooper. How about you learn how to cook, lady.

[Tom Holmberg]

2 minutes ago, ShutUpLutz said:

Now, does mommy make him sit there until he at least tries one bit of everything?

Having been somewhat picky as a kid (really a lot of it was my mother's cooking-she couldn't make Jello, for God's sake!), I would have sat there for three days before eating something I didn't want to. I'm a kid, where else do I need to be? I think a better strategy is- this is what I made for dinner, you can eat whatever you like and not eat whatever you don't like, but this is all there is.  

[Silver Raven]

15 hours ago, bilgistic said:

I keep seeing the insipid commercial for this new show, New Amsterdam. The new hospital administrator(?) (don't know, don't care) that the show is about is having a meeting in a surgical theater(?) (there are bleachers(?)) and asks the surgeons to raise their hands. They do, and he says, "You're all fired." The commercial has come on SO MANY TIMES that I refuse to watch the show just out of spite.

The generically handsome white male doctor is going to turn this hospital around! Spare me.

Handsome?  Beg to disagree.  :)

[Red Bridey]

On ‎9‎/‎24‎/‎2018 at 8:31 PM, TattleTeeny said:

Home of my beloved Barney Miller!

Barney, Barney, Barney, is your mother from Killarney?

Umm, on topic?  I am still confused by the Salmon Sisters.  Who are they?  What do they do?  Are they deep sea anglers?  Are they artists?  What does that have to do with whatever tablet they schill?  Can anyone explain?  I get annoyed by these commercials that expect us to know these people.

[ShutUpLutz]

15 minutes ago, Tom Holmberg said:

Having been somewhat picky as a kid (really a lot of it was my mother's cooking-she couldn't make Jello, for God's sake!), I would have sat there for three days before eating something I didn't want to. I'm a kid, where else do I need to be? I think a better strategy is- this is what I made for dinner, you can eat whatever you like and not eat whatever you don't like, but this is all there is.  

My mom LOATHED sauerkraut. Which HEY, ME TOO!!! Anyway, unfortunately for her she grew up in a time (the 1940's) and went to a Catholic school where you ate your lunch. Period. End of discussion. Which was fine if you brought your lunch, right? I mean mom isn't gonna make something gross like a liver and onion sandwich. But once when she wanted ot buy lunch instead one of the things on the tray was sauerkraut. Which mom REFUSED to eat. She sat there with that tray in front of her from 12:00 until 5:30 Pm when her mom called to find out where the hell she was. There was a meeting that included two nuns, a priest, my mom, her parents and the principal. But everything turned out more or less kind of sort happyish in the end.

[jcbrown]

17 hours ago, ShutUpLutz said:

So I'm guessing you were NOT a big fan of the "Debbie Downer" sketches.

Nails on a chalkboard, in fact.

[ShutUpLutz]

2 minutes ago, jcbrown said:

Nails on a chalkboard, in fact.

Fair enough. Nowadays I only really watch SNL for Weekend Update.

ALTHOUGH, I have to say that I let out  the occasional giggle watching a Debbie Downer sketch and watching the other players trying desperately not to corpse. I'm looking at you Jimmy Fallon. You with your stupid "Is The Egg Hard Boiled Or Is It Raw? Let's Drag Out A Celebrity And Smash Said Eggs Against Our Foreheads And Find Out" bit that I CANNOT LOOK AWAY FROM. 

Sucks me in EVERY GODDAMN TIME.

[iMonrey]

Quote

Because now when we get a man and a woman in these commercials, either she's joyfully cleaning up the mess he and the kids made - because women who love their families love taking care of them - or she's fixing his bungled attempt at cooking/cleaning/laundry - because those are things to which women are inherently suited, and men just aren't made to waste their precious time and superior skills on.

That's the theme employed in the commercial where the father is feeding a baby in a high chair and somehow the baby has managed to get his entire face and head covered with Spaghettios. The father steps out to find something to clean him up with then when he returns the baby is clean, because the dog has licked him clean. And he's like "Great!"

First of all, what the hell was the father doing while the baby was covering himself with Spaghettios? Just sitting there watching? Did the baby just basically bend forward and eat out of the bowl like a dog while Dad just sat there and made no attempt at clean-up until after he was finished? 

Secondly, how clean is a baby really going to be after being licked all over by a dog? Not spotless, that's for sure. And shouldn't the baby's hair be wet? I'm amazed the dog didn't knock the high chair over. 

This man should not have been allowed to reproduce.

[bilgistic]

1 hour ago, Silver Raven said:

Handsome?  Beg to disagree.  :)

I don't think he is handsome at all, but I'm sure he was cast as Generically Handsome White Guy with Two-Day Scruff That He's Too Busy to Shave Because He's Going to Turn This Damn Hospital Around.

1 hour ago, ShutUpLutz said:

My mom LOATHED sauerkraut. Which HEY, ME TOO!!! Anyway, unfortunately for her she grew up in a time (the 1940's) and went to a Catholic school where you ate your lunch. Period. End of discussion. Which was fine if you brought your lunch, right? I mean mom isn't gonna make something gross like a liver and onion sandwich. But once when she wanted ot buy lunch instead one of the things on the tray was sauerkraut. Which mom REFUSED to eat. She sat there with that tray in front of her from 12:00 until 5:30 Pm when her mom called to find out where the hell she was. There was a meeting that included two nuns, a priest, my mom, her parents and the principal. But everything turned out more or less kind of sort happyish in the end.

My sisters and I were babysat during the summer for a couple-ish years by a woman who kept kids at her house. I know I was young, because I remember I still had to take naps and the rule was once you turned nine, you didn't have to nap anymore (logic?). Anyway, she fixed grits for breakfast one morning and I refused to eat them. She told me I'd have to sit there until I ate them, and damned if I didn't sit there until lunch.

I realize this makes me a bad Southerner.

[ShutUpLutz]

4 minutes ago, iMonrey said:

That's the theme employed in the commercial where the father is feeding a baby in a high chair and somehow the baby has managed to get his entire face and head covered with Spaghettios. The father steps out to find something to clean him up with then when he returns the baby is clean, because the dog has licked him clean. And he's like "Great!"

First of all, what the hell was the father doing while the baby was covering himself with Spaghettios? Just sitting there watching? Did the baby just basically bend forward and eat out of the bowl like a dog while Dad just sat there and made no attempt at clean-up until after he was finished? 

Secondly, how clean is a baby really going to be after being licked all over by a dog? Not spotless, that's for sure. And shouldn't the baby's hair be wet? I'm amazed the dog didn't knock the high chair over. 

This man should not have been allowed to reproduce.

You'd be surprised how long dogs will lick something to get EVERY LAST BIT OF LUSCIOUS SCRUMPTIOUSNESS!!!! off/out of the bowl/face.

Okay, I know that all of the MENS are under assault now, and I'm sure I wasn't the only one who was sick of EVERY GODDAMN commercial during NFL games being for Cealis or Viagra, but now that those trademarks/copyrights/whatever have gone away and so have the ads what does that leave us with, "MEN, DO YOU HAVE A CURVED DONG? WOULD YOU LIKE TO NOT HAVE A CURVED DONG? You may have something called Peyrones" oh who the fuck cares.

I demand equal time. Where are the ads aimed at women who have breasts that are unequal sizes or labia that they are unhappy with?

[peacheslatour]

1 hour ago, bilgistic said:

I don't think he is handsome at all, but I'm sure he was cast as Generically Handsome White Guy with Two-Day Scruff That He's Too Busy to Shave Because He's Going to Turn This Damn Hospital Around.

My sisters and I were babysat during the summer for a couple-ish years by a woman who kept kids at her house. I know I was young, because I remember I still had to take naps and the rule was once you turned nine, you didn't have to nap anymore (logic?). Anyway, she fixed grits for breakfast one morning and I refused to eat them. She told me I'd have to sit there until I ate them, and damned if I didn't sit there until lunch.

I realize this makes me a bad Southerner.

My parents tried making me eat scrapple one time. I said I was gonna throw up. They made me eat it anyway. I threw up. They never forced me to eat again. When my son was a kid the only rule we had was "Hey, this is what's for dinner, if you don't want it you may be excused." That's it. No dessert, nothing. He quickly learned to make peanut butter sandwiches and clean up afterwards. He could have that if he didn't want what we were having but he usually did cuz I don't make weird stuff. After all I was/am a picky eater too. Children have so little control over anything in their lives, letting them be in control of their food (even if it's just the illusion) is a good thing.

[chessiegal]

My mother forced me to finish beefaroni. It wasn't that I didn't like it, I wasn't feeling well. Not only did I vomit, I fainted. Never forced to eat anything again. Can't eat beefaroni to this day.

[Tom Holmberg]

2 hours ago, bilgistic said:

Anyway, she fixed grits for breakfast one morning and I refused to eat them. She told me I'd have to sit there until I ate them, and damned if I didn't sit there until lunch.

You can't win a battle of wills with a kid. You gotta use stealth, cheating, and deviousness.

[ShutUpLutz]

Since we have drifted well away from the topic of the thread I'll toss out my food story. Which isn't about being forced to eat some food that I thought was gross, but well, you'll see. It was back in the summer of 1983 and a friend and one of his friends decided to go to the semi-local mall and see a movie and dick around. This was outside of Washington DC which means on the day in question it was about 90 with 75% humidity AND an air pollution warning. Which is of course the perfect weather to walk a mile and half to the closest bus stop that goes to the mall because were teenagers and too stupid to bother to check out whether or not we could have transferred buses. Which, OF COURSE. (Travels back in time and smacks younger idiot self in the back of the head.) 

We get to the mall, White Flint Mall to be precise, which thanks to Borders Books & Music going bankrupt is no longer there. Seriously. That particular Borders store did something outrageous like 70% of the total business of the mall. And this place had a Cheesecake Factory! And a Dave & Busters! Anyway, back when it was still in business, but long before Borders had opened it's doors there we settled in to watch Wargames and then got in an argument over whether or not we should try and sneak into one of the theaters showing an R rated movie. We ended up staying, but then due to our being stupid teenagers discovered that we didn't have enough money to get the bus back home. 

Or at least not all the way home. the bus driver was cool and nice enough to let us go as far as Congressional Plaza, but then we had to walk all the way up Rockville Pike and make it over to Falls Road. Keep in mind sticky/blazing/poisonous air. 

I was sweating like a motherfucker. We stopped at Wintergreen Plaza (and yes I realize no one is going to know ANY of these places unless you go to Google maps and who's gonna take that amount of time) and for some reason a deli/liquor store there was giving out free samples of Pepsi Free and Diet Pepsi Free (which were caffeine free). I probably had 25 cups, but then had to stagger onward and made it as far as the Rockville City Hall/Police Station where I availed myself of the water fountain and stared oh so longingly at the pay phone, then staggered on out sans my companions who had left me behind. (Was I overly resentful at this. Truth? I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA IF THEY WERE THERE OR GONE OR BEEN REPLACED BY TARANTULAS.)

I was putting my entire being into moving my feet forward one step at a time. And as bad as it sounds, trust me it was worse in person.

Then my primitive brain said FUCK THIS!!! and I went to a house and rang the doorbell which was answered by  a sweet young woman wearing a cut off t-shirt and Daisy Duke shorts. I asked if I could use her phone and after calling my mom and explaining the woman came back and offered me (shudders involuntarily) pineapple juice. Which I drank down like there was no tomorrow. 4 glasses. She had apparently been watching a Star Trek rerun when I came a calling which, ok sure. Then while I was drinking she started talking about Jesus and whether or not I had been saved. NOT THE BEST MOMENT TO TRY AND GET ANOTHER RECRUIT FOR THE CROSS LADY. But then my mom showed up, thanked her profusely as  did I and we made our way back home. 

Where I proceeded to barf up those 25 cups of Pepsi product and 4 glasses of Pineapple juice all over our white shag rug which was just getting pver my having spilled a bowl of Chef Boyardee spaghetti on it a couple years earlier.

Heat exhaustion is a MOTHERFUCKER. 

A. MOTHER. FUCKER.

I have no problem shoving endless amounts of Pepsi down my maw, but pineapple juice? I can't even smell it and not get the dry heaves and gagging.

Goddamn smell memory.

[chessiegal]

3 minutes ago, ShutUpLutz said:

Since we have drifted well away from the topic of the thread I'll toss out my food story. Which isn't about being forced to eat some food that I thought was gross, but well, you'll see. It was back in the summer of 1983 and a friend and one of his friends decided to go to the semi-local mall and see a movie and dick around. This was outside of Washington DC which means on the day in question it was about 90 with 75% humidity AND an air pollution warning. Which is of course the perfect weather to walk a mile and half to the closest bus stop that goes to the mall because were teenagers and too stupid to bother to check out whether or not we could have transferred buses. Which, OF COURSE. (Travels back in time and smacks younger idiot self in the back of the head.) 

We get to the mall, White Flint Mall to be precise, which thanks to Borders Books & Music going bankrupt is no longer there. Seriously. That particular Borders store did something outrageous like 70% of the total business of the mall. And this place had a Cheesecake Factory! And a Dave & Busters! Anyway, back when it was still in business, but long before Borders had opened it's doors there we settled in to watch Wargames and then got in an argument over whether or not we should try and sneak into one of the theaters showing an R rated movie. We ended up staying, but then due to our being stupid teenagers discovered that we didn't have enough money to get the bus back home. 

Or at least not all the way home. the bus driver was cool and nice enough to let us go as far as Congressional Plaza, but then we had to walk all the way up Rockville Pike and make it over to Falls Road. Keep in mind sticky/blazing/poisonous air. 

I was sweating like a motherfucker. We stopped at Wintergreen Plaza (and yes I realize no one is going to know ANY of these places unless you go to Google maps and who's gonna take that amount of time) and for some reason a deli/liquor store there was giving out free samples of Pepsi Free and Diet Pepsi Free (which were caffeine free). I probably had 25 cups, but then had to stagger onward and made it as far as the Rockville City Hall/Police Station where I availed myself of the water fountain and stared oh so longingly at the pay phone, then staggered on out sans my companions who had left me behind. (Was I overly resentful at this. Truth? I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA IF THEY WERE THERE OR GONE OR BEEN REPLACED BY TARANTULAS.)

I was putting my entire being into moving my feet forward one step at a time. And as bad as it sounds, trust me it was worse in person.

Then my primitive brain said FUCK THIS!!! and I went to a house and rang the doorbell which was answered by  a sweet young woman wearing a cut off t-shirt and Daisy Duke shorts. I asked if I could use her phone and after calling my mom and explaining the woman came back and offered me (shudders involuntarily) pineapple juice. Which I drank down like there was no tomorrow. 4 glasses. She had apparently been watching a Star Trek rerun when I came a calling which, ok sure. Then while I was drinking she started talking about Jesus and whether or not I had been saved. NOT THE BEST MOMENT TO TRY AND GET ANOTHER RECRUIT FOR THE CROSS LADY. But then my mom showed up, thanked her profusely as  did I and we made our way back home. 

Where I proceeded to barf up those 25 cups of Pepsi product and 4 glasses of Pineapple juice all over our white shag rug which was just getting pver my having spilled a bowl of Chef Boyardee spaghetti on it a couple years earlier.

Heat exhaustion is a MOTHERFUCKER. 

A. MOTHER. FUCKER.

I have no problem shoving endless amounts of Pepsi down my maw, but pineapple juice? I can't even smell it and not get the dry heaves and gagging.

Goddamn smell memory.

I know all those places you speak of. Lived in Aspen Hill, Gaithersburg, Germantown, and Bethesda. Worked in Rockville.

[ShutUpLutz]

5 minutes ago, chessiegal said:

I know all those places you speak of. Lived in Aspen Hill, Gaithersburg, Germantown, and Bethesda. Worked in Rockville.

Aha, a fellow traveler. 

[TattleTeeny]

7 hours ago, funky-rat said:

Mine too!  My dad got me in to that show when I was younger (I was the only kid I knew in elementary school who watched it  -I love me some Dietrich and Yemana).  I just got my husband in to it.  :D

On 9/25/2018 at 3:08 PM, Reality police said:

Oooh, Dietrich is my dreamboat. But so is that sexy Barney for that matter, haha!

Edited September 26, 2018 by TattleTeeny

[frenchtoast]

Let's return to the topic please. 

[bilgistic]

3 hours ago, ShutUpLutz said:

You'd be surprised how long dogs will lick something to get EVERY LAST BIT OF LUSCIOUS SCRUMPTIOUSNESS!!!! off/out of the bowl/face.

Okay, I know that all of the MENS are under assault now, and I'm sure I wasn't the only one who was sick of EVERY GODDAMN commercial during NFL games being for Cealis or Viagra, but now that those trademarks/copyrights/whatever have gone away and so have the ads what does that leave us with, "MEN, DO YOU HAVE A CURVED DONG? WOULD YOU LIKE TO NOT HAVE A CURVED DONG? You may have something called Peyrones" oh who the fuck cares.

I demand equal time. Where are the ads aimed at women who have breasts that are unequal sizes or labia that they are unhappy with?

It's widely known that women can get plastic surgery on their breasts. There's also labiaplasty for an "imperfect" vulva. Yes, really. I hate that I know this surgery exists. (ETA: I didn't mean for that to sound salty; I know you mean a medication/”fix" for uneven breasts and unfortunate vulvar proportions.) 

I just looked up the medication for Peyronie's disease (note to self: scrub browser history). It's injected into the plaque that causes the curvature. The patient also has to perform "stretching and straightening activities on [his] penis for six weeks" for a few minutes a day after each treatment cycle.

Y'all...this picture from the medication website:

YOU'RE WELCOME, EVERYONE.

Edited September 27, 2018 by bilgistic

[ShutUpLutz]

14 minutes ago, bilgistic said:

It's widely known that women can get plastic surgery on their breasts. There's also labiaplasty for an "imperfect" vulva. Yes, really. I hate that I know this surgery exists. (ETA: I didn't mean for that to sound salty; I know you mean a medication/”fix" for uneven breasts and unfortunate vulvar proportions.) 

I just looked up the medication for Peyronie's disease (note to self: scrub browser history). It's injected into the plaque that causes the curvature. The patient also has to perform "stretching and straightening activities on [his] penis for six weeks" for a few minutes a day after each treatment cycle.

Y'all...this picture from the medication website:

YOU'RE WELCOME, EVERYONE.

Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please tell me that isn't James Brolin.

[bilgistic]

Ha! I don't think so.

[Prevailing Wind]

Thank you, bilgistic, for taking the bullet for the rest of us.

[SoSueMe]

On 9/23/2018 at 10:30 PM, jcbrown said:

I did not think the Ruby Tuesday commercials with Rachael Dratch could get worse. I was wrong. The new one with her as a bad lounge singer aired about ten million times today. Can't hit mute fast enough.

Didn't even know her name, but anything involving scatting is more than my nervous system can handle.

[ShutUpLutz]

3 minutes ago, SoSueMe said:

Didn't even know her name, but anything involving scatting is more than my nervous system can handle.

You'd have adored Ella Fitzgerald.

I will say the one where she played triplets screeching and shrieking wears on me.

[SoSueMe]

1 minute ago, ShutUpLutz said:

You'd have adored Ella Fitzgerald.

I will say the one where she played triplets screeching and shrieking wears on me.

I like some of her songs but I am not a fan of scatting.

[friendperidot]

isn't there an ad, maybe a print ad with Ellen Degeneres and a sofa like that one, may be a different style sofa, but had a curved area and I seem to remember it being white. I kind of wanted it.

[ShutUpLutz]

To get back on topic (Shoots evil look at frenchtoast), was anyone else enraged a couple years ago when literally EVERY SINGLE AD on ESPN/ESPN2/ESPN Whatever/sports games was for DraftKings. It brought back memories during the 1990's when during every ad break during the NCAA basketball tournament was Chevy Trucks featuring Bob Seger's like a rock. Which is a good song, but COME ON.

I'm also a bit annoyed that EVERY ad break on EVERY channel has an ad for Spectrum on it. God only knows how much money they are spending on those ads but there can't POSSIBLY be any connection between the cost of all those ads and how much I pay for cable, could there Spectrum??