Commercials That Annoy, Irritate or Outright Enrage

[Crisopera]

Hey, Sparkle Fairy - GO FUCK OFF AND DIE!  Oh, my God, I want to strangle her.

[iMonrey]

The ones I'm sick of are the Cottonelle (?) commercials where the British lady sits herself down across the restaurant table of some innocent diner and asks them what they use to wipe their bum with. Jeezus! I'd be like "get the hell out of here lady I'm trying to eat!" Then she puts a roll of toilet paper and a box of moist wipes on the table to show off her two-step wiping system. One of her victims actually replies to "what do you wipe your bum with" with "my hand." Then, "and paper, of course!" Ewwwwww. It was bad enough when she was accosting people at airports and museums, now she's interrupting their meals to talk about ass wiping.

Edited June 12, 2014 by iMonrey

[Stella MD]

The worst is the one with the speed dating. These poor schlubs think they're going to make a love connection and instead she just yaps about cleaning her ass. Like first dates aren't awkward enough?

[Muffyn]

I imagine that after each of the men is accosted by the British bum wiping lady, they start each new encounter by asking "You're not going to ask me how I wipe my ass, are you?" thereby ruining any chance they had of meeting someone.  A whole bunch of women are walking away wondering what the hell is wrong with these guys and why they are obsessed with ass wiping.   

[ABay]

Noooo! That idiot on the plane who doesn't know aspirin is for aches and pains is back! Why isn't he on the no-fly-list for utter stupidity?

[Maverick]

Kindle Amy is back too.  I thought we were done with her...and the dofus stalker that's always pressing his emergency button to call her. 

[Muffyn]

Two idiots cannot figure out how to eat an oblong shaped burger.  Really?  It's so difficult to figure out how to shove that grease bomb into your gaping maw that you have to ask your friend?  And somehow it makes sense to you to shove your face in the middle of the thing.  I can only hope they are so inept at eating that they choke to death.  

[Watcher0363]

Prevailing Wind, on 12 Jun 2014 - 07:38 AM, said:

Ya know what I like about this place?  We can wander - tell Bad Santa stories, for instance - without TWOPMods

slapping us down.  THANKS, Previously!

All I am going to say is Amen to that.

[Rick Kitchen]

Noooo! That idiot on the plane who doesn't know aspirin is for aches and pains is back! Why isn't he on the no-fly-list for utter stupidity?

 

I hate his racist implication that the Asian flight attendant doesn't understand that he has a back ache.

[janie jones]

There's a Mini Cooper where a bulldog smells the car's tailpipe.  For some reason it bothers me more than a dog sniffing an actual asshole.  Probably because there's no reason for them to have put that in there.

[Portia]

I hate the DentaStix commercials because DOGS WITH HUMAN TEETH. Make it stop! The horror!

[dubbel zout]

Noooo! That idiot on the plane who doesn't know aspirin is for aches and pains is back! Why isn't he on the no-fly-list for utter stupidity?

I hate his racist implication that the Asian flight attendant doesn't understand that he has a back ache.

 

She speaks perfect English to him and he still shows her the pictogram. It's so insulting.

[legaleagle53]

I hate his racist implication that the Asian flight attendant doesn't understand that he has a back ache.

 

No, he's simply been conditioned to believe that aspirin is only good for preventing heart attacks nowadays because so many people (including yours truly) take it only for that express purpose.  For aches and pains, we take Tylenol, Advil, or Aleve.

[ABay]

The moron is not much younger than I am and I know aspirin is a painkiller, even though I use ibuprofen. Bayer is fighting its own marketing--they're the ones who have eclipsed their own product's original purpose with blanketing the ad-scape with "aspirin regimen" for heart attack. There's another product doing the same sort of thing...but I've spaced on it. Basically--the manufacturer is the one who introduced a variation and is now all "oh, look we also do this totally rad thing that we used to talk about all the time" like it's new. Does anyone know what I'm talking abuot ('cuz I apparently don't)? I think it came up on TWoP.

[Rick Kitchen]

No, he's simply been conditioned to believe that aspirin is only good for preventing heart attacks nowadays because so many people (including yours truly) take it only for that express purpose.  For aches and pains, we take Tylenol, Advil, or Aleve.

 

But the flight attendant speaks almost flawless English to him, but he still points at the picture in the flight magazine because she's a stupid foreigner who doesn't understand what this American has a right to demand.

[Wax Lion]

I know breakfast isn't exclusively savory and I like sweet breakfast items. But there's an IHoP commercial featuring pancakes that look like they have half a can of pie filling dumped on them. I get especially grumpy when on "customer" -- amid a bunch of 'These are soooo good' comments -- reacts to a pancake with "cannoli cream" and says "I don't know what cannoli is but it's good!" I always want to snap "It's a dessert not a breakfast topping."

 

I don't know where the line is for me from danish to offensively-sweet but there's something about how ridicuously sweet everything looks in that ad that makes me grumpy.

[janie jones]

No, I'm with you.  I like sweet breakfasts, too, but there's only so much sugar that should be consumed at breakfast.  It grosses me out when people have pop at breakfast.

[mojoween]

I hadn't wandered in here yet but I saw an ad yesterday that boiled my blood so much that I sat down and read all 7 pages in one sitting to make sure I wasn't duplicating a post.

And amazingly, it's quite similar to the airplane one. This lady picks her scion up at school and merrily drives off in a Chevy Equinox. The little shithead is close enough to the driver's seat he starts KICKING HER SEAT AND SAYING MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM.

So what does she do? Does she say stop it? NO OF COURSE NOT. She stops the car somewhere, gives him an "oh, you little scamp" smile, and pushes his seat back so he can't reach her head rest.

No. NO NO NO NO. This is not teaching the hellspawn that there are CONSEQUENCES to our actions. This is telling the helldemon that you can do bad things, that you won't get into trouble for, you'll just have the situation modified instead of YOU.

I just cannot. And I LOVE Chevy's, I wouldn't give up my Cruze for anything.

[Lola16]

Should've made the rugrat walk home.

[OSM Mom]

Unfortunately, that seems to be the prevailing way parents are doing with their little hellspawn. Little brat. I would have backhanded the little asshole.

[Bastet]

Like that commercial a few years back where the kid was mortified by the lack of special features in his parents' car/minivan (I don't remember) and thus harangued them into buying something new and "cooler."  Child, please.  I got hauled around in a powder blue boat of a Chevy.  It beat walking.

[Lola16]

My grandmother had a Ford Falcon with rotted floorboards.  There were pieces of plywood over the holes.  It was like the Flintstone car.  We loved watching the puddles. 

[bilgistic]

Should've made the rugrat walk home.

Right on. My mother kept a "paddle" in the car (matched the house version) for when my sisters or I acted up on the road. She had only to pull it out from alongside the seat and hold it up for us to act right and stop touching/looking at each other all in the back seat of, *shockingly*, a sedan--not a rolling playpen/SUV with DVD players, iPod jacks, power everything, etc.

I don't personally agree with hitting your kids, but we had a healthy fear of my mother. *I* knew how to behave in public. Granted, this was +/-30 years ago, but parents weren't afraid to parent, generally speaking. My grown sister now does a great job with her six-year-old daughter without threat of violence. I don't have nor want kids because I would cause violence to myself if so.

My grandmother had a Ford Falcon with rotted floorboards. There were pieces of plywood over the holes. It was like the Flintstone car. We loved watching the puddles.

My first car, a $750 1977 VW Beetle, had rusted rear floorboards with holes big enough to put your foot through. My stepdad bolted in sheetmetal, and called it a day. I loved that silly beater car. My sisters and I nicknamed it the "Honey Wagon" after Will Smith calling his car that on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. My mom got me a fake vanity plate for the front bumper; it read "HUNYWAGN". Good times. Edited June 14, 2014 by bilgistic

[Mrsjumbo]

My 7 yr old DS has Autism & HE behaves better than 99% of the kids in commercials! When did obnoxious become "cute"?

And yes, the lovely car with rotting floorboards. My 1st car was a '74 Valiant. It was pretty cool seeing the pavement rolling under you as you drove.

[potatoradio]

It was the Toyota Highlander ad that featured our precious little brat who was going to die of shame from his parents' uncool vehicle. I'd always hoped he actually would FOAD from embarrassment, but alas, being uncool does not end your life.

 

I personally didn't give two shites about what car I was in for road trips (it was a Horizon, for the record). All I knew was that it was total luxury to have the backseat to myself and be alone to read a book. I freakin' loved it. Git off my lawn, you rotten kidz.

 

The correct response to the current brat was for the mom to turn around and say, "Are you bleeding or having a medical emergency? Is that why you're kicking my seat so frantically? Because, if not, you most certainly will be bleeding by the time I make sure this is the LAST time you ever do such a thing, hellspawn mine..."

 

PSA disclaimer - I use hyperbole, of course. I do not advocate child abuse and really admire parents these days who have the cajones to parent without spanking. They are a rare breed, though.

 

 

[Watcher0363]

 

PSA disclaimer - I use hyperbole, of course. I do not advocate child abuse and really admire parents these days who have the cajones to parent without spanking. They are a rare breed, though.

With this you give me my greatest pet peeve about commercials today. The warning of do not attempt this, "stunts done by professionals on closed track." I have always wondered what person thinks a car or truck or human being can do some of the far out things happening in so many commercials today.

[Lola16]

With this you give me my greatest pet peeve about commercials today. The warning of do not attempt this, "stunts done by professionals on closed track." I have always wondered what person thinks a car or truck or human being can do some of the far out things happening in so many commercials today.

It's the lawyers.  They ruin everything.  This is why we can't have nice things.  No seriously - legal is a buzz kill on ads.  One commercial I submitted came back with so much legal text, it would have been like the opening of Star Wars.  Ridic.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Speaking of insufferable children, I loathe the Halos ads with the white hot fire of a million burning nuns. I'm not a parent, and there's a reason for that, but if I'm the one who paid for the frigging oranges in the first place, you can damned well guarantee that I'm going to have one *without* asking Junior's permission.

[ramble]

One dad apparently tried to teach his kid a lesson by making him walk home & was put on probation. Story here. The idea of my child kicking my seat over & over is ridiculous to me. I can't imagine not stopping that. There's a scene in the Get Smart movie where a mom yells her kids name over & over after he does the whole, "Mom, mom, mom" thing. I do that to my kiddos all the time when they say my name repetitively. I wonder if I that's an arrest-able offense. 

Edited June 14, 2014 by ramble

[Happy Belly]

I have two that drive me wild with angst and a whole bunch of piss-offedness when I see them. The first one is that absolutely stupid, stupid, stupid Jimmie Dean sausage commercial with the sun living in a house and being married. He even has a staring contest with his wife. Come on here..the SUN?? really?? and they keep going with this character. This is truly one case where I hope the sun burns itself out because everytime this commercial comes on, I scream at the tv. The sun...really!

 

The second one is the stupid coach and Time Warner Cable. In particular, the one where the wife comes in and admonishes the hubby for buying things they don't need to get a good deal. Stupid coach comes in and says why do that? With TWC you only have to buy what you want. You lie Coach!!!! If we could buy only what we want, we could purchase an ala carte menu of programming we wish to view and not have to buy, pay for and never watch channels broadcast in a language I don't speak and never will because it doesn't relate to my family, sports that I loathe with the fire of 1000 nuns (TWoP shoutout!), and generally all channels I tell my TiVo to block since I will never, ever, EVER watch them. So take that Coach, you lying liar!! I have no choice and have to purchase the crap you force me to. That's why I don't have TWC and never will. Oh, and yes, I know who the coach is. I have a friend who adores the Steelers. 

[smittykins]

Hey, Sparkle Fairy - GO FUCK OFF AND DIE!  Oh, my God, I want to strangle her.

PREACH IT! If I have to use 3 cheap paper towels to clean up what I can with 1 sheet of Bounty, I'm not saving any money.

[Ashforth]

For real. Healthing is almost as obnoxious as melty.

I'll see your "melty" and raise you an "oooey-gooey"

What brought me here today was- well, honestly I can't remember because I read the whole thread and my annoyance was entertained away, but I think someone else had made pretty much the exact comment I was going to.

I cannot agree more with this:

There's something creepy about that guy in the Papa John ads. He's smiling, but his eyes look scary.

Papa Johns has been on my boycott list for a while and seeing those soulless, dead eyes betray his attempt to fake humanity confirms my decision.

I must confess, however, that the Framily doesn't bother me. I like the ad where they're dancing.

[Prevailing Wind]

 

My mother kept a "paddle" in the car (matched the house version) for when my sisters or I acted up on the road.

My brother had his family check out of a DisneyWorld hotel just after they checked in - and went back home because the two boys wouldn't stop picking on each other.  They're adults now and since that day, they've never fussed at one another.  It was a hard, but memorable, lesson to learn.

[riley702]

My grandmother had a Ford Falcon with rotted floorboards.  There were pieces of plywood over the holes.  It was like the Flintstone car.  We loved watching the puddles. 

I had a little red Chevette with a quarter of a million miles on it. You couldn't actually SEE the road because there were bits of rotted carpet in the way. And then my Dad pulled up the carpet enough to shove a metal plate underneath, slapped a floor mat down and said, "Now leave it alone!" Got another couple of years out of that sucker. 

Thanks, guys. Fabulous memories for Father's Day. We lost him in 2003.

Edited June 15, 2014 by riley702

[RealityGal]

No, I'm with you.  I like sweet breakfasts, too, but there's only so much sugar that should be consumed at breakfast.  It grosses me out when people have pop at breakfast.

where the hell they do that at?

 

My all time, most annoying commercial has to be the one for Yoplait Light, where the wife is on the phone telling her friend about how she eats all these great desserts like Cheesecake, Boston Cream Pie, Apple Turnover on and on, but she has been losing weight.  Well her husband overhears her on the phone and secretly goes rummaging through the refrigerator like he is a thief in his own house.  Well, little Mrs. Prissy Pants catches the man in the act of looking through his own refrigerator for something to eat and cops an attitude with him, she was like "babe, what are you doing?"  and this poor emascuated man just sits there looking at her with a pitiful, sorrowful face because he had the absolute gall to look through the refrigerator without Mrs. Refrigerator Nazi's approval!  I just really wanted him to respond "bitch, I'm looking in the refrigerator for something to eat, what the fuck does it look like I'm doing?"  But I guess this commercial was supposed to appeal to some segment of the audience that likes weak men and bitchy women.

[bref]

Laurie, the Target coffee buyer who gets all quavery-voiced over direct trade beans? Yeah, she needs to go away.

[RealityGal]

I like to muse that the girl is Dr. Creepy McEharmony's illegitimate great-granddaughter, since it's well known that he's very bibley-religious in real life, and the commercial was something she was forced to do under duress in order to be "forgiven" for her "impurity".

True story: I once joined eHarmony for a month (aliens abducted me and made me join) and their "29 dimensions of compatibility" matched me, a strict vegetarian and animal lover, with an "avid hunter". Fail!

 

Why is a grown male kindergarten teacher talking about his love life with a 5 year old?  And entertaining her shilling for E-Harmony? Ewww.

[Amethyst]

Those Yoplait commercials were bogus.  All of them taste the same.  Boston cream pie?  Vanilla flavored light yogurt.  Key lime pie?  Vanilla flavored with a hint of lime.  Chocolate cream?  Chocolate and vanilla mixed together.  Bullshit.

 

Speaking of breakfast, Steak 'n Shake had a pancake commercial with a guy who would cry one big ginormous tear because his pancake plate was empty.  So the waitress places a new stack of pancakes in front of him, and that huge disgusting tear gets sucked right back up into his tear duct.  Really?  Fucking gross.

[RealityGal]

Those Yoplait commercials were bogus.  All of them taste the same.  Boston cream pie?  Vanilla flavored light yogurt.  Key lime pie?  Vanilla flavored with a hint of lime.  Chocolate cream?  Chocolate and vanilla mixed together.  Bullshit.

 

Speaking of breakfast, Steak 'n Shake had a pancake commercial with a guy who would cry one big ginormous tear because his pancake plate was empty.  So the waitress places a new stack of pancakes in front of him, and that huge disgusting tear gets sucked right back up into his tear duct.  Really?  Fucking gross.

 

Wow - just wow.  I literally had thought I was the only person who thought that those yogurts all tasted the same, which was gross.  I would always buy them because they were like 80 calories or something, and they had the picture on the front, and then I would really really try to convince my mind that I was eating Boston Cream Pie, or apple turnover.  At some point I just gave up, sucked up the extra 50-60 calories and started buying Chobani.

 

I'm gonna try to find that Steak and Shake commercial because that sounds disgusting, who in the world wants pancakes after seeing a guy suck his tears back into his eye?

 

Oh geez, I just saw it, that is so gross, oh that tear is disgusting.

 

Although, its interesting that the news headline he was reading was "White House Set to End Use of Land Mines Not Set to Self Destruct" - maybe he was crying a little over that too.

Edited June 15, 2014 by RealityGal

[bilgistic]

OK, I have to ask; is the Papa John's thing about his reaction to Obamacare?

[Matryoshka]

The obnoxious Boston Hopper family was bad enough but now we have to suffer this smarmy kangaroo? Ugh.

[Ashforth]

OK, I have to ask; is the Papa John's thing about his reaction to Obamacare?

For me, bilgistic, yes it is that (among other issues involving employee pay and treatment that are common to most of the fast/cheap food industry).

It's also about that repulsive cup of chemicals he calls "garlic dipping sauce."

[Maverick]

The obnoxious Boston Hopper family was bad enough but now we have to suffer this smarmy kangaroo? Ugh.

 I hate that kangaroo.  The first one was the worst (she's dodging work because she's too busy watching soccer on her tablet).  What kind of fucking message are they trying to send.

[bilgistic]

For me, bilgistic, yes it is that (among other issues involving employee pay and treatment that are common to most of the fast/cheap food industry).

It's also about that repulsive cup of chemicals he calls "garlic dipping sauce."

Thanks! I was thinking today about how hilarious it is that he has that commercial in which when he "made it big" he was so thrilled to be able to buy the same kind of douchemobile that he had to sell back in the day when he was making pizzas in a broom closet or whatever, while his employees can barely afford to put gas in their cars.

[fastiller]

The warning of do not attempt this, "stunts done by professionals on closed track." I have always wondered what person thinks a car or truck or human being can do some of the far out things happening in so many commercials today.

 

 

It's the lawyers.  They ruin everything.

 

I give you the always awesome Douglas Adams on this very same topic, from So Long and Thanks for All the Fish:

 

The sign said:

Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion.

"It seemed to me," said Wonko the Sane, "that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a packet of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane."

 

[Boots]

Something might go through my television the next time I have to  hear that smores song in the Dairy Queen commercial.

[ari333]

Sheesh, as mentioned, how many times are they going to show that woman in her blue panties conducting an orchestra? I too just effing hate it.

[aradia22]

 

Sheesh, as mentioned, how many times are they going to show that woman in her blue panties conducting an orchestra? I too just effing hate it.

Ugh. Yes. They started with the stuntwoman commercials which were bad enough but somehow these are worse. I think beyond the commercial what I hate is the faux-empowering message they're rambling on about. 

[ari333]

Ugh. Yes. They started with the stuntwoman commercials which were bad enough but somehow these are worse. I think beyond the commercial what I hate is the faux-empowering message they're rambling on about. 

 

I know, right? Perhaps I'm over thinking it, but her butt doesn't even MOVE. So of course the stupid panties are going to stay in place. And I really don't want to know.

 

On a shallow side note that I can't stop talking about apparently is -  her flipping flying long hair just makes the whole thing extra ridiculous to me. GO. AWAY.

Edited June 16, 2014 by ari333

[AntiBeeSpray]

The new Payday candy bar commercials O_O WTF?!...

 

 

Seriously?!

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