S02.E10: Episode 10

[Tara Ariano]

Chelsie asks Nick out and they enjoy an ocean cruise on a luxurious yacht and go snorkeling. Later, Mackenzie arrives in Paradise and invites Justin on a date. The pair are then "married" by a Shaman. Back at the resort, Jaclyn shows up and sets her sights on Jared. A jealous Ashley I. then asks Chris Harrison for an unprecedented favor---an overnight fantasy suite date.

[PamelaMaeSnap]

I'm kind of stunned by how many spoilers they're giving away in these previews ... though we already knew about Ashley I's request from the previews on the show itself.

 

Ironic, since this is the first year that I've decided to completely forego spoilers on any of my favorite reality shows.

[Armchair Critic]

I have not read any spoilers, but I hope Jaclyn rips apart one of the smug couples. 

[Mu Shu]

Jaclyn looks pretty good for a 59 year old. 

[BubblingKettle]

Ashley I's level of delusion was right in our faces when MacKenzie showed up....."yeah, I'm coupled up with Jarod; he wouldn't be surprised if I gave him a t-shirt that says Off Limits." I don't know Mackenzie from her former Bachelor appearance, but the UFO thing seems very strange. Along with "my son's name is Kale, like the vegetable." And she looks like she needs to wipe BBQ sauce off her mouth. 

 

Strip down to my underwear for some stranger to blow smoke on me? NO.  Have too-close contact with bacteria-laden Mexican mud, then wash it off with filthy Mexican water? HELL NO.

 

I was not feeling Jacklyn's pajama romper style. But when she spoke the truth in calling Jared bored (boring), snarked at Ashley I's letter, and made a crack about bellybutton rings at 25+, I decided to like her.

 

If a guy responded to me like Jared responded to Ashley I...... I would know, in no uncertain terms, that he was not into me.  Actually, I would have known it waaaaaaaay before then if I was Ashley I. And her overshares about wanting to have sex with Jared, when Jared clearly treats her like nothing spesh ---- it just tells me that Ashley I hasn't been saving herself for someone special. She has saved herself by default because she has frightened all of the guys away.

[Stella MD]

Jared deserves whatever happens to him. Grow a backbone, dude.

 

When did Jaclyn turn into Vienna?

[poopchute]

I hope Jared had sex with Ashley in that fantasy suite because otherwise what the fuck did they talk about? They are so awkward together and he clearly doesn't like her at all and seems so uncomfortable with her. I can't imagine what they are like alone in a room with no one else around to distract them from each other

[leighdear]

Jaclyn has been and always will be a total shit-stirring snark queen.  She's fun to watch, with the waves of disdain, disapproval and disgust rolling off of her when she looks at pretty girls.  She's had a nose job since her last appearance within the franchise, so that schozz is the result....*shudder*.  Hard to believe she paid money for that.  And that weird orange tan is going to look hilarious as it sloughs off within a couple of days...

[TiredMe]

Jaclyn spent money to look exactly as worse as before. She should pair up with Justin because they both hurt my eyes to look at.

That McKensie...guessing she had no idea how babies are made which is how she ended up with a kid.

[Mu Shu]

Mackensie is dim, but she's very fresh and pretty. The contrast between her and Jacylyn is jarring. Jacylyn looks like your mean, camel smoking Grandmother who leaves you in the car while she's picking men up at a truck stop. She's too rough even for "rock of love". Too bad that's not around anymore.

Then again I think Justin is hot.

[KR Vermont]

Jaclyn was a breath of fresh air, coming in and not giving a f*ck, it was funny. After weeks of weeping and drama, it was a nice change. It would've been interesting to see what she would've done with Jared. He really doesn't seem enthused about Ashley I, Jaclyn got that right. Why be attached to AI, I don't see "couple" with them at all so why join her in a fantasy suite. Ew. Men are giving roses this time, so it's not even a strategic move.

[reggiejax]

What the fuck happened to Jaclyn's face? I mean I know she got work done, but did she go to the doctor and say "ok doc, gimme the "Alice the Goon"? I guess she thought it would be an improvement over her previous look, Hatchetface from Crybaby. Well it's not.

As for her being a snark queen. There is a thin line between snark and being a miserable bitch and Jaclyn falls well into the miserable bitch side of that line, and always has. She gets no points from me for shooting fish (ie Ashley I) in a barrel.

[JenE4]

I was eagerly awaiting the Jaqueline and Nick reunion to see how pissed she still is about Nick keeping the money--but he was off on his boring date. There's no way in hell that woman is 30. I'm 41 and she looks like she's old enough to be my mother! Why do these young girls jack up their faces with plastic surgery? Even Kardashley has had botox in her 20s?! I don't think they get that it just makes them look older because if you see a 60 year old with dead botox face and a 30 year old with the same dead botox face, you're going to assume they're both 60 with botox. Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

What else happened on this show? Oh, yeah, MacKenzie believing she's legally married in Mexico to Justin. They were pretty funny with their WHAAA?! faces and confused whispers. That guy suddenly knew how to speak English to say "You're married."

Jared, noooooooo!!!! Don't do it!!!

[seasick]

Ugh this show.  can't believe i watch it and then attempt to comment on it.  I do get some laughs from the snark some are able to muster.  

Jaclyn is so scary looking.  I originally thought she was Jackie with the dark hair --she was on Bach Pad 2 and that guy Ames ran off with her in her limo. ( I thought she was from Jake's season but don't see her in the cast pics so I don't know.).  Anyway I thought she ruined her appearance by that nose job and hair job.  Wrong Jackie thank goodness.

.  

So this Jaclyn is not in the cast list so I guess they put her in last minute to create drama.  

But perhaps I'm giving someone too much credit  --that they would think that a show designed to have people couple up and then spend 5 weeks taking naps needs drama.    Maybe next season there will be a "Quiet Please!". sign posted and they'll just go with the 'snooze fest' theme they already cultivated.

 

mu shu. you so funny.. such a great Jaclyn description!  A perfect visual..  Thanks for that.  

 

Wait!  wasn't someone with a kid named Kale on this show earlier in the season??  I'm sure we discussed that somewhere.  I don't forget a person who would name their kid Kale  'like the vegetable!!! she even says it  My Lord why???  

[jackjill89]

So glad Ashley I is showing us all that a way to get a guy that has absolutely no interest in you is to sleep with him. Such a model of self-esteem she is. I love using the Bach franchise to teach my kids how NOT to behave!

 

Funny aside… on yesterday's show thread, someone referenced Friends with Ashley's loooooong letter to Jared. Well, guess what episode was on right before tonight's BIP? You got it…the letter and it had the bonus subplot of the jellyfish sting/peeing, which just happened to open the show tonight. Weird.

[SassyCat]

What the fuck happened to Jaclyn's face? I mean I know she got work done, but did she go to the doctor and say "ok doc, gimme the "Alice the Goon"? I guess she thought it would be an improvement over her previous look, Hatchetface from Crybaby. Well it's not.

Oh that is sooo funny! Thank you for making me spit out my coffee! ROFL!

Edited September 1, 2015 by SassyCat

[leighdear]

"Friends" episodes never exhibit ideal first aid treatments.  The best way to treat a jellyfish sting is wipe it off with vinegar or any other astringent liquid.  Even saline solution or dunk it back in the salt water, and scrub the surface to remove any of the remaining membranes.  Then rinse with warm water.   Yes, urine works but it is definitely NOT the only way and not the best way.  Idiots. 

[woodscommaelle]

"He's gonna make us listen to the ocean." Lol.

[Alapaki]

This show really does have a sick obsession with female virginity.  

 

But to literally crassly tease the question of whether Ashley will get her cherry popped may be a new low.

[Irritable]

Are we positive Jaclyn has had plastic surgery?  I didn't see anything different about her except for a few additional years of hard living.   That romper was ill-fitting and I kept waiting for one of those poor spaghetti straps to snap under the strain.  A good Rule of Thumb to follow: When we can see 98% of your breasts with your top on, your top is too small.  I was okay with her coming in and deciding to just ask out whoever interested her without knowing any of the behind the scenes stuff, but the way she was so bossy and cocky with Jared made me think he only said yes to Ashley's overnight invitation to escape the maneater in front of him.

 

No way is Jared the type to have sex with a virgin just because it's offered.  Right?  I've been wrong most of the season about everything, but I really don't think he would take advantage of such pathetic desperation and vulnerability.  The chance to sleep in a bed that's not a bunk, in a room that is fully enclosed would be enough for me to go on that date with Ashley.  Cry all you want, honey, I'll be over here laying next to the glorious A/C unit in these crab-free sheets.

[Ms Blue Jay]

Mackenzie is so, so pretty!  She looks like Riley Keogh!  Is there another famous person she resembles?  Bijou Phillips I think.  Anyway her face is very pleasing.

 

Jacquelyn on the other hand is horrifying.  I say yes to plastic surgery and I don't need to know how she looked beforehand to say that.  Human faces aren't meant to look like that.

Edited September 1, 2015 by Ms Blue Jay

[OldWiseOne]

Ugh Tanner just gets worse and worse, he does not seem to have any good opinions about women. Maneaters and manipulators!

 

Jared is an idiot, and also potentially a big douche. He knows Kardashley is in love with him, so if he doesn't return those feelings it would have been much kinder to say no to her overnight date. She's worked herself into a frenzy of excitement about it, pouring her heart out to the camera, saying she might not be a virgin tomorrow, and if he has no romantic interest in her then he is just contributing to her humiliation.

[woodscommaelle]

Mackenzie is so, so pretty!  She looks like Riley Keogh!  Is there another famous person she resembles?  Bijou Phillips I think.

I think Natalie Portman.

[maryshelley]

 

I was eagerly awaiting the Jaqueline and Nick reunion to see how pissed she still is about Nick keeping the money--but he was off on his boring date. There's no way in hell that woman is 30. I'm 41 and she looks like she's old enough to be my mother! Why do these young girls jack up their faces with plastic surgery?

That's who Nick is! OMG, he's Nick "I did this all myself" Peterson from Bachelor Pad. He looks so different to me. His face is a lot thinner and he's got laugh lines around his eyes. I don't remember him having that dissipated playboy vibe on  Bachelor Pad.

 

Jaclyn looks like a completely different person.She's the Renee Zellweger of Bachelor Nation.

Edited September 1, 2015 by maryshelley

[Ms Blue Jay]

Has Ashley I. seriously had Botox before she's had sex?  That's a...... unique upbringing

[reggiejax]

Are we positive Jaclyn has had plastic surgery?  I didn't see anything different about her except for a few additional years of hard living.

 

 

No ones face changes appearance like that naturally. Look at photos of her from her time on Ben's season and look at her today. There is no question she has had work done. Which I don't begrudge her, in all honesty. But it is hard to find the bright side when the results are so damn unfortunate. 

[chocolatine]

I wonder how long it took until someone disabused Mackenzie of the notion that the "Spanish man" turned "Mexican priest" legally married her and Justin.

 

Did Dan ask Samantha if her mother cooks a lot of Indian food? Does that mean Samantha is half-Indian? That would explain the "exotic" look and the luscious dark hair that's impervious to humidity.

 

Ashley I taking out her hair extensions and combing them with a fork while VO-ing about how real she is - priceless.

[Andromeda]

Wow, Justin! He actually knows how to use the word literally correctly, as in "He was literally blowing smoke up my ass!" I had huge laugh out loud moments at that ceremony, and McKenzie's spaceyness during it...and before, and after. Hey, I like futuristic things with aliens, too, but I wouldn't expect them on a date in Mexico (or Spain, since apparently the gentleman conducting the ceremony is "Spanish".)

 

Ashley I's fantasy suite date seemed so desperate to me. I'm kinda grossed out by the discussion of whether she'll lose her virginity. It's TMI, people! Do. Not. Want. To. Know. Jared seems even more mealy to me now, so incredibly weak and namby-pamby. He dumps the girl, as best as he is able in his weak half-assed way, and she manages to weasel her way back into a pseudo-girlfriend position because he just can't say no. Because he kind of likes her, and gets along with her. Kind of. Or because she's sweet, or something. I don't know, I'm puzzled. I just think it's really foolish and not very upfront to string her along if he doesn't feel even a fraction for her that she does for him. Because unlike some of these contestants who claim they are, I really am all about honesty and truthiness.

[Andromeda]

"Friends" episodes never exhibit ideal first aid treatments.  The best way to treat a jellyfish sting is wipe it off with vinegar or any other astringent liquid.  Even saline solution or dunk it back in the salt water, and scrub the surface to remove any of the remaining membranes.  Then rinse with warm water.   Yes, urine works but it is definitely NOT the only way and not the best way.  Idiots. 

YES, thank you. It's one of those old wives tale type stories. It's one solution, but hardly the only one. They're in a hotel, fergodsakes, with supplies! There are other ways to treat a sting!

[Armchair Critic]

Mackenzie kept saying she was going to get the down low on what was happening, didn't she mean the "low down"? She seems sweet but oh so dumb.

[Andromeda]

MacKenzie had the cutest little alien on her shirt. I think she described her son's name as Kale, like the vegetable, because all of the fans said it on boards like this. She probably didn't even realize it before, she's just that dim. (Mermaids are real, guyz!) It's fitting that Ashley I is good friends with MacKenzie -- they're both very young (oh, wait, MacKenzie is very young, Ashley just acts that way).

 

Ashley I told MacKenzie when she arrived that Jared was hers. She actually believes it, too. This is why Jared shouldn't be stringing her along -- the "break up" didn't take, and Ashley wants him to wear a T-shirt that says "off limits."

 

Samantha grew up with Indian food, and would ignore it and eat white rice. Somehow that doesn't surprise me.

 

Juleaba complaining that Jaclyn could be breaking the rules... What rules? There are rules? The only rule I've seen was posted on a sign: "Ciudado (crabs)".

Edited September 1, 2015 by Andromeda

[Jodio]

If next week's episode starts with Jared hanging a bloody sheet out the window, I'm done with this show.

 

Of course if the rest of the episode consists of Nick and Jacklyn in an all-out war over how he "stole" the $250K from her mean girl bestie, I'm totally back in. Because my love of drama always wins out over retaining the last shred of my self-respect.

[backformore]

So, tanner says he'd be very happy if Jared "takes Ashley's V-card".  Tanner, don't you think you are over-invested in something that is none of your business?

[Armchair Critic]

Tanner has gotten very judgmental, if Jared had gone out on that date with Jade instead of him he would be the one on the outs. Like I said above, I hope something happens that breaks up Carly & Kirk and Tanner & Jade as they have both become too smug in their couplehood.

[Kbilly]

I never liked Justin more than his post-date reaction to McKenzie. He was pretty funny. The guy who repeatedly answered fake knocks at the door on his season looked like a Mensa candidate in comparison to her! 

 

There's no way in hell that woman is 30. I'm 41 and she looks like she's old enough to be my mother!

 

Yeah she's going to learn about Jared's No Old Chicks rule right quick! How quickly he sprung from the table when Ashley walked in with her date card.

 

Weird how everyone was telling tales about how Ashley yelled at them. Thanks for leaving that footage on the floor Editors so we can have more time on Sam/Joe or Tanner narrating the obvious.

[mertensia]

This show really does have a sick obsession with female virginity.

But to literally crassly tease the question of whether Ashley will get her cherry popped may be a new low.

I'd correct it to: Ashley has a sick obsession with her own virginity.

Be a virgin, don't be a virgin; I really don't care. But to use it as a lure to Jared (and, I would guess, earlier obsessions who didn't take her up on it) is unhealthy.

[JenE4]

Are we positive Jaclyn has had plastic surgery? I didn't see anything different about her except for a few additional years of hard living.

In the After Paradise thread Pitchy posted an apology letter from Bukowski. In it is a photo of Chris and Jacyln from Bachelor Pad. Did she ever have plastic surgery! Definitely new nose, lips, and a ton of botox. Frankly her entire face looks different, but that might just be from botox overload. I would never have called her as being the same person if they didn't tell us that she was Jacyln--and if she didn't have the same terrible, mean girl disposition.

[mertensia]

Jaclyn's playsuit was just dreadful. On a toddler it might look cute.

[ClareWalks]

Are we positive Jaclyn has had plastic surgery? 

 

Are you kidding me? She has had a SHITLOAD of work done. I don't say this to be mean, because I like her personality (especially for a trashy show like this), but she was butt-fugly hideous on Ben's season, and all the work she has had is even worse. Sweet sassy molassy. Yes, she has had a LOT of work done. Especially that nose. 

 

Ashley I's level of delusion is staggering. The fact that she came into the episode still convinced that she and Jared are a couple is incredible to me, although Jared ain't helping. Just say "I am not into you. At all," and be done with it. At this point they are like Kelly and Ryan from "The Office."

[Bugs Meany]

For all that speculation about what Mackenzie's date card meant, it had nothing to do with "seeing into the future." I thought they were going to see a fortune teller.

 

Btw, have we ever seen such a normal, real-world question as Mackenzie asking Justin what his last name is? I like those little moments.

 

 

Ashley I taking out her hair extensions and combing them with a fork while VO-ing about how real she is - priceless.

 

I think she was in on that joke. Why take a fork and walk out to the shore to comb her extensions?

 

 

Weird how everyone was telling tales about how Ashley yelled at them. Thanks for leaving that footage on the floor Editors so we can have more time on Sam/Joe or Tanner narrating the obvious.

 

Seriously. Maybe all this happened in the middle of the night and the footage wasn't usable for audio/visual reasons.

[Canada]

Wow, Jaclyn really expects people to believe that she's 30??  I believe that as much as I believe that Samantha is 28.  Delusional!  With all the work Jaclyn had done, you think she could have had something done to those boobs.  Hell, even a bra would have been a good idea.

[thejuicer]

Jaclyn is so intriguing to me.  For someone so hideous looking she is one catty, judgmental mean girl.  I thought she was ugly on Ben's season and even uglier now. Part of (well, most of) the dislike I have for her is her stank bitch attitude. So she can judge Ashley I. all she wants, but I still remember her days on Bachelor Pad 3 when she practically threw herself at sleazy Ed and he proclaimed he "wasn't into anybody" while sleeping in the same bed with Jaclyn every night. Bye Felicia.

 

[DeLurker]

I think she was in on that joke. Why take a fork and walk out to the shore to comb her extensions?

I'm thinking they are playing on MacKenzie's belief in mermaids and Ashley I  was using a dinglehopper to comb out her extensions. 

 

Wow, Jaclyn really expects people to believe that she's 30??  I believe that as much as I believe that Samantha is 28.  Delusional!  With all the work Jaclyn had done, you think she could have had something done to those boobs.  Hell, even a bra would have been a good idea.

She's clearly past the Best By Date for going braless.

 

Ashley I's fantasy suite date seemed so desperate to me. I'm kinda grossed out by the discussion of whether she'll lose her virginity. It's TMI, people! Do. Not. Want. To. Know. Jared seems even more mealy to me now, so incredibly weak and namby-pamby. He dumps the girl, as best as he is able in his weak half-assed way, and she manages to weasel her way back into a pseudo-girlfriend position because he just can't say no. Because he kind of likes her, and gets along with her. Kind of. Or because she's sweet, or something. I don't know, I'm puzzled. I just think it's really foolish and not very upfront to string her along if he doesn't feel even a fraction for her that she does for him. Because unlike some of these contestants who claim they are, I really am all about honesty and truthiness.

1 - Desperate  needs to be in all caps. 

2 - I'm going with the explanation that Jared's motivation is producer driven.  Hence tossing in Jacklyn who was not going to be a viable escape plan for Jared. 

[Rainsong]

This show has much in common with a 70s horror flick in terms of proportion.  The 70s flick offered two hours of boredom with two minutes of frenzied action tacked on.

 

After what seemed like agonizingly long months of the Joe/Juelia/Samantha so-called triangle, the producers are pouring in newcomers faster than the cabs can do the airport loop.  Why didn't they do this all season?  From a viewer's perspective, chaos and fresh faces are vastly preferable to watching, say, a smug Carly giving yet another exposition of how loved-up she is.  Fortunately, it appears next week will wipe the smirk off her face.

 

Not that anyone (here, at least) doubted it but Dan's sanctimonious Caring Gentleman routine was a transparent instance of what red-blooded males bluntly refer to as ****-blocking.  It's the human manifestation of the bulls in the herd grunting, snorting and outflanking rivals while avoiding direct violent confrontation as they attempt to woo the females.  They feign concern and conjure up some great moral objection to a cad in their midst.  Suddenly the cad is gone through the most obvious 'surprise' in Bachelor/BIP history and Dan focuses intently on the target with friendship a distant afterthought.  Combine this with his direct-but-cruel stiff-arming of Amber and he had a bad PR week.

 

Didn't care much for Amber in the Bachelor season or early in this show but she is always up for a laugh and is doing everything but carrying a placard reading 'Someone PLEASE Take Me To The Sack And Ravish Me!'

 

I gave up on After Paradise rather early in its run, so I don't know what Jared might have said (especially considering the Ashley I date has yet to air) but he is slipping from Nice Guy to Doormat status rather quickly.  Reputed (and disputed) Kaitlyn hangover aside, he's surrounded by females and an intoxicating mix of scantily-clad bodies, perfume and, er, sexual tension but seems unable or unwilling to extricate himself from Ashley I and her arrested emotional development. Meanwhile, he's missed out several times over.  More directly, upon being invited on the date, he should have grabbed Ashley's wrist and said 'With those nails?'

 

The plants/edits are beyond obvious now they almost defy debate.  Samantha was meant to be a femme fatale and shame on her if she willingly played along with the producers to genuinely hurt someone especially with malice aforethought.  Chris Bukowski provided comic relief and inadvertently blurted out the truth (or was that Nick?) when he declared Bachelor Pad the best show in the franchise.  Jaclyn's new look was striking in ways good and bad for those who remember her from prior shows but she clearly relished the opportunity to be a homewrecker of sorts and if you've read her tweets over the past year or so then you are familiar with (and appreciative of) her acid tongue.  She had a thankless task given the narrow time window. Chelsie...still the same old airhead but at this point some of those lads would take a mannequin or a blow-up doll on a date.  The less said about Mackenzie the better.  Ashley S's ditzy act is occasionally charming, usually calculated and typically redeemed only by her looks...Mackenzie is simply a 40-watt bulb without the face or bod.  Next week the Cassandra cat is set amongst the BIP pigeons and apparently tears, red faces and angry words follow although in classic Bachelor style the cause and effect portrayed may be completely unrelated.

 

And, speaking of edits....oh hey!  Chris Harrison, a camera crew and an SUV just happen to be lounging by the entrance so Ashley I can 'surprise' them and us with her request to go and, er, become a woman in full.  Convenient, that.

Edited September 1, 2015 by Rainsong

[leighdear]

 

YES, thank you. It's one of those old wives tale type stories. It's one solution, but hardly the only one. They're in a hotel, fergodsakes, with supplies! There are other ways to treat a sting!

Bottled beer works too, as does any alcohol.  I imagine Jorge the Bartender had numerous liquids that would have stopped the pain, in more ways than one!  *LOL*

[Canada]

I should also state that I do not believe that Ashley Onion is 25, as it stated in one of her talking heads.

[Dirtybubble]

 

Whew is Jaclyn full of piss & vinegar or what?  Enh she reeked of desperation to me and no not pretty at all both physically and personality wise.  That's a lot of shit talking you're doing sweetie for someone with a face like a damn horse!

[wovenloaf]

Ugh Tanner just gets worse and worse, he does not seem to have any good opinions about women. Maneaters and manipulators!

Seriously. So surprising that he likes the boring, no personality, Playboy-trophy woman, right... He probably gets scared when she has opinion about what to make for dinner. 

 

Dan's not much better, with his "I see some red flags in you. Because you have...emotions." What an asshole. 

 

So, tanner says he'd be very happy if Jared "takes Ashley's V-card".  Tanner, don't you think you are over-invested in something that is none of your business?

I have so *had it* with Tanner. Creep.  

[Bugs Meany]

Next week the Cassandra cat is set amongst the BIP pigeons and apparently tears, red faces and angry words follow although in classic Bachelor style the cause and effect portrayed may be completely unrelated.

 

She was one of the standout beauties from JPG's season, and they toss her in as an afterthought in episode 11? Eff this show.

 

 

I should also state that I do not believe that Ashley Onion is 25, as it stated in one of her talking heads.

 

I would have believed it anyway, but according to the Auburn student newspaper she graduated in 2012.

[petalfrog]

My boyfriend took one look at Jaclyn and said, "I bet she likes to think that people think she's Paris Hilton."

 

I did not like the grey-painted top of the yacht. It looked like a Coast Guard boat instead of a beautiful luxury yacht.