Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

Love2dance · June 25, 2021

@jjane, so sorry for you and your grand niece. It seems your phone is perfect proof that the calls were made TO you, not the other way around, and that you are not harassing them. You have done everything you can to protect the poor girl. Hopefully when she is 18 she can escape.

Jeanne222 · June 25, 2021

Thanks to those that encouraged me I now have my first pair of prescription sunglasses!

I’ll let you know how they work out when I open the case and start wearing them!

Progress!!! You can teach an old dog new tricks. Lol

Porkchop · June 25, 2021

Grand Circle Travel/Overseas Adventure Travel, based in Cambridge, MA, has given a lot of thought to solo travelers. At the beginning of a trip, they will have get-togethers for the solos, so you can see who else is traveling alone. They have many trips with no single supplement charge. Their gorgeous catalogs are my wish books!

I first took a Grand Circle bus trip and loved it (perhaps 15 years ago), but then took an Overseas Adventure trip, smaller group, more adventures, unique lodgings, and liked that even more. And now, in my 80s, I am really happy with their river cruises. Some wonderful things about being on a river boat are 1. Your room goes with you wherever you travel! No packing and unpacking, no bus trips at dawn. 2. The scenery never stops ... just step out on the deck and there it is! 3. Almost all meals are included.

I can't wait to go again!

CouchTater · June 25, 2021

Thanks to everyone for your encouragement and advice about solo travelling! I'm pretty decisive (and fairly impulsive 🙂) and will probably book a trip soon!

Jynnan tonnix · June 25, 2021

13 hours ago, iwantcookies said:

Anyone hear from @Happyfatchick?

She hasn't been active on Facebook in a couple of weeks either, but there's no indication that anything is wrong. Wasn't she talking about taking a trip/vacation in her camper recently? She's probably just taking some time off.

Rootbeer · June 25, 2021

43 minutes ago, Porkchop said:

Grand Circle Travel/Overseas Adventure Travel, based in Cambridge, MA, has given a lot of thought to solo travelers. At the beginning of a trip, they will have get-togethers for the solos, so you can see who else is traveling alone. They have many trips with no single supplement charge. Their gorgeous catalogs are my wish books!

I first took a Grand Circle bus trip and loved it (perhaps 15 years ago), but then took an Overseas Adventure trip, smaller group, more adventures, unique lodgings, and liked that even more. And now, in my 80s, I am really happy with their river cruises. Some wonderful things about being on a river boat are 1. Your room goes with you wherever you travel! No packing and unpacking, no bus trips at dawn. 2. The scenery never stops ... just step out on the deck and there it is! 3. Almost all meals are included.

I can't wait to go again!

I did Grand Circle to Russia with my sister, but I endorse their outreach to solo travelers. There were multiple people on our trip who were going it alone and the guides made sure that they got the sort of trip they wanted; helped them find other solo travelers to hang with or left them alone if that was their preference.

I must also endorse river cruises. Completely different from the huge ships in the Caribbean. They are small and intimate, usually no more than 150 passengers. They dock right in the center of town unlike the big ships which makes it really easy to leave the boat and find a cafe for coffee, buy some gum, just walk around the center of town. Also provides easy access to public transport. The Russian river trip had docking within walking distance of buses/subways in both St Petersburg and Moscow, giving us opportunity to go off on our own with ease. River cruises also can dock in smaller towns, more out of the way places since the boats are small, so you get more variety in the scenery.

The Russian trip stopped in a small Russian village where we went for tea at the homes of locals in groups of about 10. We got to see how a samovar actually works and, via our guides who interpreted, ask actual regular middle class Russians about their daily lives.

I also did a river cruise on the Rhone through the south of France from Lyon to Marseilles with maybe 50 passengers. The river was gorgeous and there was a top deck with comfy lounge chairs which was great for watching as we went through several locks on the way. I've got very lovely memories of lying on the deck chairs soaking up the afternoon sun as we set off for the next town.

Smaller boats were also used when I did the Croatian coast and the Greek Isles which meant visiting more out of the way locales in addition to the bigger tourist sites. We went to a small island in Croatia which is now a national wildlife park and which had an old monastery in the center of it. Very cool and we were just about the only people there.

Edited June 25, 2021 by Rootbeer

CouchTater · June 25, 2021

Hi again Small Talk Friends! I just wanted to let you all I know did book a trip! I'm doing a Globus Tour to Greece next March (I have too much going on for the rest of 2021 to travel).

Special thanks again to @Scarlett45for reminding me that I was past-due for vacation! And thanks to all of you for encouraging me to go for it!

I'm super excited!!

SunnyBeBe · June 25, 2021

I just saw a deer running along the edge of my property line! Too fast for me to get a photo. My neighbor just told me that she saw 11 deer in her yard last night! It makes me feel good that wildlife is thriving here. I’m only here on weekends, so I miss a lot.

awaken · June 26, 2021

23 hours ago, Cinnabon said:

Have a great time! I love traveling alone.

Such freedom!

I'm definitely going to have to search through old posts, or ask you all again when I go on another trip. such great info and advice about tour companies!

Liddy52 · June 26, 2021

5 hours ago, CouchTater said:

Hi again Small Talk Friends! I just wanted to let you all I know did book a trip! I'm doing a Globus Tour to Greece next March (I have too much going on for the rest of 2021 to travel).

Special thanks again to @Scarlett45for reminding me that I was past-due for vacation! And thanks to all of you for encouraging me to go for it!

I'm super excited!!

I think Greece is a wonderful choice. That is a trip thatI would love to take!

Scarlett45 · June 26, 2021

22 hours ago, Jeanne222 said:

Thanks to those that encouraged me I now have my first pair of prescription sunglasses!

I’ll let you know how they work out when I open the case and start wearing them!

Progress!!! You can teach an old dog new tricks. Lol

I’m so happy for you!

Minivanessa · June 26, 2021

Hi folks. I've been reading here but not posting much.

@Scarlett45 and @CouchTater, those trips you've booked sound wonderful. Morocco! Greece! Squee!

@CouchTater, I know what you mean about traveling as a "single" and fearing that you'll land in an uncongenial group. I had that fear too, several years ago, when I booked myself on a 4 week tour of Australia and New Zealand. It turned out fine. It was a large-ish group and yes there were some people in it that I didn't hit it off with, but I also made some friends. In fact, 13 years later I'm still in touch with a few of them. I've even taken another tour with one of them - we both chose the single supplement to have our own hotel rooms, but went on the same small-group tour to Thailand.

@Jeanne222, congrats on the new shades. 😎

My so-called life lately has been full of tasks in my role as executor of my late friend's estate. I'll spare you the deets. It hasn't been horrible but there have been some bumps in the road. I keep thinking that the most labor-intensive phases of the process are behind me, and then something new pops up. Thank goodness for the lawyer and the accountant I've hired, is all I can say!

I have been out on some photo shoots around town with photog friends. I need to spend some time in Lightroom and Photoshop working on the images. I may have to just schedule it on my calendar, which seems odd to me - but if it works, I'll do it.

@jcbrown, thinking of you and the loss of your father. I hope things are going as well as can be expected for you right now.

SunnyBeBe · June 26, 2021

I had a nice Saturday. I took a friend out for lunch for her birthday after visiting the NC Art Museum. It was very nice and relaxing. I’m looking forward to attending more events there. They have an amphitheater too, so I expect the concerts to return soon. I had tickets there to see Brittany Howard of Alabama Shakes that got cancelled due to covid. I’m not sure if she’ll reschedule.

Temperance · June 27, 2021

One of my roommates is depressed. I don't want to say too much for her privacy reasons, but if y'all could send good vibes, thoughts and prayers, I'd appreciate it.

Jeanne222 · June 27, 2021

1 minute ago, Temperance said:

One of my roommates is depressed. I don't want to say too much for her privacy reasons, but if y'all could send good vibes, thoughts and prayers, I'd appreciate it.

I’m really sorry to hear about your roommate dealing with depression. I’ll surely pray whatever is bothering her goes away!

Watch over her since you seem to be close. Don’t let it go on too long.

She’s lucky she has a caring friend in you!

Scarlett45 · June 27, 2021

You’re going to have an amazing time on your trip @CouchTater!

BetyBee · June 27, 2021

It is so heartening to hear of planned trips. A return to normalcy is so welcome after the year plus that we've all been through.

CouchTater · June 27, 2021

12 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

You’re going to have an amazing time on your trip @CouchTater!

Thanks! I'm super-excited.

Scarlett45 · June 27, 2021

Yesterday evening I got really sad.

In the morning I FaceTimed with my friend in Taiwan (they are on lockdown now); and I think I got down in the dumps thinking about everything that’s happened with my family.

Selfishly what really hurts is that if I was going through something psychologically (like my cousin must be going through) and was neglecting my sister’s wellbeing by letting her live a hoard with god knows what, they would look- and not do anything to help us. They would talk crap but not actually try to get us help. I looked up to my cousin J as an elder, I trusted her to try to get my cousin some help, and she yelled at me and didn’t even know what happened and then brought my Mom’s name into it! That is hurtful.

I don’t regret what I did. I’m just so sorry it happened this way. But there’s a paper trail and I can sleep at night knowing I did everything humanly possible in our society to make sure a vulnerable adult got the best care, and if my cousin perishes in that mess I can’t say I didn’t try to help her either.

Scarlett45 · June 27, 2021

20 hours ago, Temperance said:

One of my roommates is depressed. I don't want to say too much for her privacy reasons, but if y'all could send good vibes, thoughts and prayers, I'd appreciate it.

Well wishes go out to your roommate. May they get the help they need, how lucky they are to have a supportive friend.

Mindthinkr · June 27, 2021

My good news Sunday:

Today I went to the local University to hear a band. The auditorium could seat 500, but only 75-100 of us attended. It was billed as big band music (my friend had gotten us tickets). It was more jazz. I enjoyed it. She hated it, but we both agreed it felt wonderful to get out and actually do something.
Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead. May you overcome any obstacles and may your challenges be few.

SunnyBeBe · June 27, 2021

MIndthinkr, your concert sounds very nice. I like a wide variety of music....it’s relaxing to me regardless of the genre. I look forward to increasing opportunities for live music this summer.

CouchTater · June 27, 2021

4 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

Yesterday evening I got really sad.

In the morning I FaceTimed with my friend in Taiwan (they are on lockdown now); and I think I got down in the dumps thinking about everything that’s happened with my family.

Selfishly what really hurts is that if I was going through something psychologically (like my cousin must be going through) and was neglecting my sister’s wellbeing by letting her live a hoard with god knows what, they would look- and not do anything to help us. They would talk crap but not actually try to get us help. I looked up to my cousin J as an elder, I trusted her to try to get my cousin some help, and she yelled at me and didn’t even know what happened and then brought my Mom’s name into it! That is hurtful.

I don’t regret what I did. I’m just so sorry it happened this way. But there’s a paper trail and I can sleep at night knowing I did everything humanly possible in our society to make sure a vulnerable adult got the best care, and if my cousin perishes in that mess I can’t say I didn’t try to help her either.

I'm sorry Scarlett. It sucks to know that you can't count on those you should be able to count on, but it's also better to know now, before you need them! I think it's better to know where you stand with people like your cousins.

Scarlett45 · June 28, 2021

2 hours ago, CouchTater said:

I'm sorry Scarlett. It sucks to know that you can't count on those you should be able to count on, but it's also better to know now, before you need them! I think it's better to know where you stand with people like your cousins.

You’re right. It’s good to know who’s been supportive and who I can depend on. And for the record, many people have been super supportive and understanding of where I was coming from.

Also these people are a lot older than me- best I know now not to waste my energy on them knowing they wouldn’t do the same for me; when likely they will need me more than I need them.

jjane · June 28, 2021

Hi again. Not that you asked, but the hearing for the permanent restraining order my niece wants is tomorrow in Colorado. Not only can we not afford the trip, but I have one of my colds that stay around for weeks. I can't stop coughing and my ears really hurt. There's no telling what the altititude will do. Since the only Coloraod lawyers to call me back said they either didn't do that or they were too busy, I filled out a motion for continuance and also for dismissal. There is no way the niece can prove anything but if we don't go she might get a default judgement. I told the judge about us getting emergency custody last year, about the mother destroying the home she was living in rent free when she fled the state although there were several open cases against her with DCFS. I told them about her shoplifting arrests and about the many domestic violence situationswhere she ended up getting chaged. I also told them I was afraid that making the TRO permanent would cause problems if the child tried to get i contact with us and especially if she considered herself to be in danger. Who knows if it will help. All I can do is try.

Thanks for listening(reading).

Much love, Janet

ozziemom · June 28, 2021

13 minutes ago, jjane said:

Hi again. Not that you asked, but the hearing for the permanent restraining order my niece wants is tomorrow in Colorado. Not only can we not afford the trip, but I have one of my colds that stay around for weeks. I can't stop coughing and my ears really hurt. There's no telling what the altititude will do. Since the only Coloraod lawyers to call me back said they either didn't do that or they were too busy, I filled out a motion for continuance and also for dismissal. There is no way the niece can prove anything but if we don't go she might get a default judgement. I told the judge about us getting emergency custody last year, about the mother destroying the home she was living in rent free when she fled the state although there were several open cases against her with DCFS. I told them about her shoplifting arrests and about the many domestic violence situationswhere she ended up getting chaged. I also told them I was afraid that making the TRO permanent would cause problems if the child tried to get i contact with us and especially if she considered herself to be in danger. Who knows if it will help. All I can do is try.

Thanks for listening(reading).

Much love, Janet

Sorry to hear your niece is making things so difficult. And we are glad you feel comfortable posting here, there’s not much we can do but offer a place to vent. Keep trying, you never know. Good luck.

ginger90 · June 28, 2021

6 hours ago, jjane said:

Hi again. Not that you asked, but the hearing for the permanent restraining order my niece wants is tomorrow in Colorado. Not only can we not afford the trip, but I have one of my colds that stay around for weeks. I can't stop coughing and my ears really hurt. There's no telling what the altititude will do. Since the only Coloraod lawyers to call me back said they either didn't do that or they were too busy, I filled out a motion for continuance and also for dismissal. There is no way the niece can prove anything but if we don't go she might get a default judgement. I told the judge about us getting emergency custody last year, about the mother destroying the home she was living in rent free when she fled the state although there were several open cases against her with DCFS. I told them about her shoplifting arrests and about the many domestic violence situationswhere she ended up getting chaged. I also told them I was afraid that making the TRO permanent would cause problems if the child tried to get i contact with us and especially if she considered herself to be in danger. Who knows if it will help. All I can do is try.

Thanks for listening(reading).

Much love, Janet

How long has the temporary order been in place?

Scarlett45 · June 28, 2021

11 hours ago, jjane said:

Hi again. Not that you asked, but the hearing for the permanent restraining order my niece wants is tomorrow in Colorado. Not only can we not afford the trip, but I have one of my colds that stay around for weeks. I can't stop coughing and my ears really hurt. There's no telling what the altititude will do. Since the only Coloraod lawyers to call me back said they either didn't do that or they were too busy, I filled out a motion for continuance and also for dismissal. There is no way the niece can prove anything but if we don't go she might get a default judgement. I told the judge about us getting emergency custody last year, about the mother destroying the home she was living in rent free when she fled the state although there were several open cases against her with DCFS. I told them about her shoplifting arrests and about the many domestic violence situationswhere she ended up getting chaged. I also told them I was afraid that making the TRO permanent would cause problems if the child tried to get i contact with us and especially if she considered herself to be in danger. Who knows if it will help. All I can do is try.

Thanks for listening(reading).

Much love, Janet

Sorry you are going through this @jjane. I will keep your great niece in my thoughts. She is an innocent and still has sometime before she can get away from this person. You have been a wonderful example of a loving and caring person.

SunnyBeBe · June 28, 2021

In my county the courts still utilize appearances by Webex for some matters. It started during covid and worked so well they kept it.

Rootbeer · June 28, 2021

7 hours ago, ginger90 said:

How long has the temporary order been in place?

Just a couple of weeks, isn't that right, jjane? I'm amazed that the wheels are turning so quickly in Denver, I've never known anyone to get a TRO made permanent so quickly. A judge accepting evidence himself/herself and doing all the investigation is not something that could happen so quickly, if ever, from my limited experience.

You'd think the courts would have more pressing matters at hand considering the 'victim' is already past 16 and jjane is an older relative who lives about a thousand miles away. It seems so unfair and hasty.

marypat57 · June 28, 2021

Is @doodlebug OK? Hope she’s just taking a break..I miss her posts.

Jeanne222 · June 28, 2021

14 hours ago, jjane said:

Hi again. Not that you asked, but the hearing for the permanent restraining order my niece wants is tomorrow in Colorado. Not only can we not afford the trip, but I have one of my colds that stay around for weeks. I can't stop coughing and my ears really hurt. There's no telling what the altititude will do. Since the only Coloraod lawyers to call me back said they either didn't do that or they were too busy, I filled out a motion for continuance and also for dismissal. There is no way the niece can prove anything but if we don't go she might get a default judgement. I told the judge about us getting emergency custody last year, about the mother destroying the home she was living in rent free when she fled the state although there were several open cases against her with DCFS. I told them about her shoplifting arrests and about the many domestic violence situationswhere she ended up getting chaged. I also told them I was afraid that making the TRO permanent would cause problems if the child tried to get i contact with us and especially if she considered herself to be in danger. Who knows if it will help. All I can do is try.

Thanks for listening(reading).

Much love, Janet

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I wanted to ask one question. I can't imagine why no attorneys will represent you. This sounds like something they would love to handle. Probably one court appearance and done. I think that would really help you and your rebuttal. It would be costly but done.

Anyway good luck to you. Some people just love making life hard on others.

jjane · June 29, 2021

Sorry, I thought I had answered about the time period with the TRO but apparently I did not hit submit. The TRO was apparently signed on the 15th of June but was not sent to our local sheriff for service until the 19th. We were served around 8 at night on the 21st. . Starting the next day I called most of the lawyers advertised on Findlaw on the internet as family law attorneys in the area where my niece is. I left voicemails, personal messages with receptionists, you name it. Exactly 2 called me back. One said she was too slammed to take new cases and one said they did not handle things like TROs. The only place I got any help was from the Clerk of Court. Someone there walked me through their website and showed me how to download a blank motion so I could ask for a continuance since I could not find an attorney so qickly. I asked for a continuance and I also asked that the TRO be dismissed. I let them know that I had never initiated any contact with the child, I only responded when she called or texted. I told them an attorney here said I should have been served with the petition for the TRO before it was granted, which did not happen. I also gave some history on the situation and told them that we had not been to Colorado, had not plans to go there, and certainly had not done anything to make my niece think she was in imminent danger.

As far as the question as to how my niece was able to get the TRO so quickly, your guess is as good as mine. When she texted a death threat to me after finding out her daughter had contacted me, the authorities in Colorado said there was nothing they could do about it because I was here and she was there. Lo and behold, she gets a TRO immediately and she is still there and I am still here. Go figure.

The fact of the matter is that my niece is someone who is good on the surface. She is very convincing when you don't actually know her. Hence, the men who were willing to help her out when she spun tales of being a poor single mother who just needed a hand. Once she got comfortable and showed her true self they were gone. She even moved in with one guy and told him she was an RN. Every morning she dressed in scrubs, took the child to school, then came back to the apartment and hung around until it was time to pick the child up again. This guy had a roommate and she gave him a schedule as to when he could do laundry, cook and be in the common areas. Now mind you, she wasn't paying rent, the two guys were. When she was asked to contribute, she went crazy and there was a huge fight, complete with police, domestic violence charges, and the boyfriend jumping from a second story balcony to get away from her. Another man pumped five thousand dollars into her truck to get it working but it never did. She bled him dry and then left.

She is so ridiculously mean and selfish that it is hard to believe that someone like her actually exists and God forgive me, I wish she did not, but I have not threatened her and I would not harm her, simply because I know the difference between right and wrong and I do have an conscience.

Anyway, I did not get a response to my motion, no calls or emails. She may have a permanent restraining order at this point or it could have been dismissed. All I can do is wait.

Thanks for the support. It's late and I have to drive an hour in the morning to have a procedure on my back so I should get to bed. Have a good night. Janet

Lisa418722 · June 29, 2021

I think I'm losing my mind. Seven weeks ago my mom fell. She didn't really hurt herself, but did enough damage that she has not left the house since then other than for doctors appointments. I've been doing her grocery shopping and taking time off from work to take her to the doctor. We went yesterday and the doctor recommended rather than meds or injections to try physical therapy first. There is one very close to her home, but when I asked her to make a late afternoon appointment so that I don't have to take time off from work she was getting irritated with me because she prefers early appointments. My job is already in jeopardy because I didn't hit my billable hours (paralegal) last year and I'm not going to hit them this year. I'm an only child (and single) so she depends on me to do everything for her without complaint whenever she wants. I've been trying to take care of some car issues for her that she kept putting off. She doesn't want to have to sell her car because she does want to get back to driving, but I think she is enjoying me having to do all her grocery shopping and everything for her more than she would ever admit. I had a recruiter call me one day and say there is a manager of a law firm that is interested in me (in another legal field). I'm waiting for the manager to get back to possibly get an interview set up, but then I'm thinking about my mom and think "I can't take a new job without any time off because I need to be able to take time off for her whenever she needs it." I just don't know what I am going to do or how I'm going to continue without losing my mind. Oh, I am very thankful I still have her and that she lives close to me. I'm just tired.

Edited June 29, 2021 by Lisa418722

ginger90 · June 29, 2021

47 minutes ago, Lisa418722 said:

I think I'm losing my mind. Seven weeks ago my mom fell. She didn't really hurt herself, but did enough damage that she has not left the house since then other than for doctors appointments. I've been doing her grocery shopping and taking time off from work to take her to the doctor. We went yesterday and the doctor recommended rather than meds or injections to try physical therapy first. There is one very close to her home, but when I asked her to make a late afternoon appointment so that I don't have to take time off from work she was getting irritated with me because she prefers early appointments. My job is already in jeopardy because I didn't hit my billable hours (paralegal) last year and I'm not going to hit them this year. I'm an only child (and single) so she depends on me to do everything for her without complaint whenever she wants. I've been trying to take care of some car issues for her that she kept putting off. She doesn't want to have to sell her car because she does want to get back to driving, but I think she is enjoying me having to do all her grocery shopping and everything for her more than she would ever admit. I had a recruiter call me one day and say there is a manager of a law firm that is interested in me (in another legal field). I'm waiting for the manager to get back to possibly get an interview set up, but then I'm thinking about my mom and think "I can't take a new job without any time off because I need to be able to take time off for her whenever she needs it." I just don't know what I am going to do or how I'm going to continue without losing my mind. Oh, I am very thankful I still have her and that she lives close to me. I'm just tired.

Have you thought about putting in for FMLA while at your current place of employment?

Lisa418722 · June 29, 2021

17 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

Have you thought about putting in for FMLA while at your current place of employment?

No. I hadn't thought about that. But it would help me be able to take time for her appointments.

Boston · June 29, 2021

Just got some great news. My dad (who is 85 and lives in MD just booked a flight up here (to Massachusetts/NewHampshire - all us kids live in each state) on July 23rd. I haven't seen him in over a year.. he is doing well, but he's my BEST. and we all miss him so much. Not to get into details, but this guy saved our (my brothers and me) lives! I can't wait.

BetyBee · June 29, 2021

@Lisa418722 I am so sorry that taking care of your Mom is endangering your job and interfering with a potentially better job for you. Please be very upfront and honest with your Mom about how these duties are affecting you. You love her and I'm sure she loves you too, so she should understand about boundaries. If you do decide to go for the new position, perhaps you can negotiate for more personal time off (PTO) than they typically give new employees. You deserve to further your career as best you can and your Mom should understand that. I don't know how old she is, but perhaps she chooses morning appointments because that is when she is at her best. She'll have to understand that she can't always have things exactly as she wants them, when she's depending on you for a ride. Maybe she should consider Uber for appointments that interfere with your work? It sounds like you are a very conscientious and loving daughter. Hang in there!

@jjane, your relatives sound very toxic. Would it help your peace of mind to block their numbers and try to forget that they exist? Living well is the best revenge and you are already in different states. Talk to an attorney near you about how best to protect yourself from them. Good luck to you.

It's another rainy day and I can't seem to plan my walk around the rain today. My heel pain is very bad the last couple of days. It never bothers me when I'm walking, only after I've been sitting. Everything I read about plantar fasciitis tells me I'm not stretching it enough or wearing my ortho shoes enough. I'm going to do better starting yesterday, to try to heal. Ignoring it doesn't seem to get me anywhere! Imagine that! Other than that, life is going very well. I hope all Small Talkers are doing well too!

Liddy52 · June 29, 2021

34 minutes ago, BetyBee said:

@Lisa418722 I am so sorry that taking care of your Mom is endangering your job and interfering with a potentially better job for you. Please be very upfront and honest with your Mom about how these duties are affecting you. You love her and I'm sure she loves you too, so she should understand about boundaries. If you do decide to go for the new position, perhaps you can negotiate for more personal time off (PTO) than they typically give new employees. You deserve to further your career as best you can and your Mom should understand that. I don't know how old she is, but perhaps she chooses morning appointments because that is when she is at her best. She'll have to understand that she can't always have things exactly as she wants them, when she's depending on you for a ride. Maybe she should consider Uber for appointments that interfere with your work? It sounds like you are a very conscientious and loving daughter. Hang in there!

@jjane, your relatives sound very toxic. Would it help your peace of mind to block their numbers and try to forget that they exist? Living well is the best revenge and you are already in different states. Talk to an attorney near you about how best to protect yourself from them. Good luck to you.

It's another rainy day and I can't seem to plan my walk around the rain today. My heel pain is very bad the last couple of days. It never bothers me when I'm walking, only after I've been sitting. Everything I read about plantar fasciitis tells me I'm not stretching it enough or wearing my ortho shoes enough. I'm going to do better starting yesterday, to try to heal. Ignoring it doesn't seem to get me anywhere! Imagine that! Other than that, life is going very well. I hope all Small Talkers are doing well too!

@BetyBee, I have plantar fasciitis and had a bad flare-up in the midst of the worst of the worst of the pandemic. I had good luck in clearing mine up by doing stretching exercises and the thing that seemed to help the most was rolling a rolling pin under my foot for about 5 mi uses a couple of times a day.

jjane · June 29, 2021

As far as the temporary order, we received it on the 21st, so a week ago today, at around 8 at night, so well after hours for attorneys. From the front of the document it seems to have been signed on the 16th, so it took five days for them to get it to me. Tuesday morning I called my attorney here and he looked it over and said I should have been served with a petition first, which did not happen. He advised me to talk to a local attorney there. I literally left messages with every family law attorney in Fort Collins with no result so I had to file a motion for continuance as a person without attorney. Like I said, it's just another step in her stated intention to destroy me. I'm not the first. My real concern is that I won't be able to help this child if she calls me again and asks for it.

Thanks to everyone for the support. It means a lot.

Janet

BetyBee · June 29, 2021

24 minutes ago, Liddy52 said:

@BetyBee, I have plantar fasciitis and had a bad flare-up in the midst of the worst of the worst of the pandemic. I had good luck in clearing mine up by doing stretching exercises and the thing that seemed to help the most was rolling a rolling pin under my foot for about 5 mi uses a couple of times a day.

I can do that! Thank you for the tip, @Liddy52!

jjane · June 29, 2021

I have already blocked my niece from my phone. The problem is she sent the death threat via her daughter's school computer so I answered.i have no desire to see my niece again but I think her daughter deserves a better life.

Rabbittron · June 29, 2021

32 minutes ago, jjane said:

As far as the temporary order, we received it on the 21st, so a week ago today, at around 8 at night, so well after hours for attorneys. From the front of the document it seems to have been signed on the 16th, so it took five days for them to get it to me. Tuesday morning I called my attorney here and he looked it over and said I should have been served with a petition first, which did not happen. He advised me to talk to a local attorney there. I literally left messages with every family law attorney in Fort Collins with no result so I had to file a motion for continuance as a person without attorney. Like I said, it's just another step in her stated intention to destroy me. I'm not the first. My real concern is that I won't be able to help this child if she calls me again and asks for it.

Thanks to everyone for the support. It means a lot.

Janet

Did you try any attorneys around your area? I fell you might have a better chance to go outside your area. Like Loveland, Longmont, Boulder, Broomfield, Louisville, Brighton and maybe Denver. A fellow Colorado resident.

SunnyBeBe · June 29, 2021

4 hours ago, Lisa418722 said:

I think I'm losing my mind. Seven weeks ago my mom fell. She didn't really hurt herself, but did enough damage that she has not left the house since then other than for doctors appointments. I've been doing her grocery shopping and taking time off from work to take her to the doctor. We went yesterday and the doctor recommended rather than meds or injections to try physical therapy first. There is one very close to her home, but when I asked her to make a late afternoon appointment so that I don't have to take time off from work she was getting irritated with me because she prefers early appointments. My job is already in jeopardy because I didn't hit my billable hours (paralegal) last year and I'm not going to hit them this year. I'm an only child (and single) so she depends on me to do everything for her without complaint whenever she wants. I've been trying to take care of some car issues for her that she kept putting off. She doesn't want to have to sell her car because she does want to get back to driving, but I think she is enjoying me having to do all her grocery shopping and everything for her more than she would ever admit. I had a recruiter call me one day and say there is a manager of a law firm that is interested in me (in another legal field). I'm waiting for the manager to get back to possibly get an interview set up, but then I'm thinking about my mom and think "I can't take a new job without any time off because I need to be able to take time off for her whenever she needs it." I just don't know what I am going to do or how I'm going to continue without losing my mind. Oh, I am very thankful I still have her and that she lives close to me. I'm just tired.

I’m sorry about your situation. Since quite a few of my friends and I started providing care for our aging parents, we discuss issues like this a lot. There are various ways to handle it, depending on what works for you. I’m not sure how old your mother is, but some seniors don’t seem able to fully understand their adult child’s responsibilities to their own family and career. A young person needs to work and pay in for their retirement years. If your mother needs more and more care, can you be a full time unpaid caregiver? You say that she didn’t really hurt herself in the fall. So, is her therapy for strength building? My dad has had his PT come to his house. He also got a foot pedal device you sit in a chair and move your feet. That has been helpful and easy to use on your own. And, pharmacy and groceries can be delivered to the home, freeing you. There’s nothing wrong with establishing boundaries. My mom makes lists of many things she wants done, yard work, home projects, etc, and I explain to her that at some point she needs to downsize. Do you know if your mom actually has the ability to do the things she’s given up? I’d try to figure that out to see if she actually needs the help or just wants you with her. That might help guide you. Caregiver fatigue is real. I might also contact an agency to get info on the help she needs and discuss it with her. When you’re exhausted, it’s difficult to enjoy your visits. I hope you find some answers and your mom improves.

Edited June 29, 2021 by SunnyBeBe

Scarlett45 · June 29, 2021

@Lisa418722 would your mother be willing/able to hire someone to act as a personal assistant to her to drive her to appointments and handle things you are no longer able to do if/when you transition to this new job? It seems as if she isnt sick/in need of daily care, but needs a chauffeur/muscle, someone to drive and carry the items, shopping etc.

If its an expense either one of you can afford it would be well worth it- I am a FIRM believer in outsourcing to keep your sanity, and you need a break too!

SunnyBeBe · June 29, 2021

So true about caregiving delegation. At one point I was so exhausted with constant duties with my cousin, that I couldn’t just enjoy my time with her. Once others were brought on board and I could breathe again, we could visit, chat, laugh and enjoy it.

Edited June 29, 2021 by SunnyBeBe

Scarlett45 · June 29, 2021

16 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

So true about caregiving delegation. At one point I was so exhausted with constant duties with my cousin, that I couldn’t just enjoy my time with her. Once others were brought on board and I could breathe again, we could visit, chat, laugh and enjoy it.

Knowing how to outsource and delegate is a skill. I know it's a privilege to have the funds to be able to do that, often it is not as expensive as people think. Because I grew up in a home/world with people (adults and children) who required daily care/supervision, I know I am just used to it.

And one person cannot do everything ALL THE TIME, you only have two hands! In other societies where a large percentage of the female population did not/could not earn an income, they handled the caregiving duties for elderly, disabled, or minor persons. To have to work a full time job, care for elderly and disabled relatives and handle your own personal affairs 24/7/365 is a LOT.

Liddy52 · June 29, 2021

@Lisa418722, my mother would schedule appointments without checking whether it was convenient for us to get her there.. I think it was a control issue with her, because she felt she had lost so much autonomy when she was no longer able to drive herself. It sometimes as if it was a passive aggressive behavior. Fortunately though, I had my sister to help and we were both retired. You have my sympathy because dealing with our elderly parents is so difficult sometimes. I am now 68 and hoping I won't be as difficult as my mother was, but I also realize that I might well be and will assume that I am being extremely reasonable and everyone else is being unreasonable.

Edited June 29, 2021 by Liddy52

Scarlett45 · June 29, 2021

@Liddy52 you know what they say, "Once an adult, twice a child." Elder care is a gift, it takes a certain skill set to manage the emotions of elderly persons in your care well. I have noticed that elders are often way nicer to the caregiver than they are their own children. My grandfather could give my Mom hell- before the dementia.

Quof · June 29, 2021

8 hours ago, Liddy52 said:

I have plantar fasciitis and had a bad flare-up in the midst of the worst of the worst of the pandemic. I had good luck in clearing mine up by doing stretching exercises and the thing that seemed to help the most was rolling a rolling pin under my foot for about 5 mi uses a couple of times a day.

I had flareups of plantar fasciitis every time I walked for long distances, such as on urban vacations, for years. Active Release Technique cured it, seemingly permanently. https://activerelease.com/

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