Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[MargeGunderson]

I have been cooking up a storm today. Homemade rolls, lemon tart, scalloped potatoes (will go in the oven later this afternoon), and ham is warming in the slow cooker. I’m also making green beans with slivered almonds, and balsamic roasted cipolini onions. But right now I’m taking a break from washing the dishes!

[rue721]

My parents got their second Pfizer shot yesterday, and they're doing pretty well! They're tired and feel under the weather, but it's basically like after the first shot for them. Such a relief to have them vaccinated!!!!

Virginia is opening up eligibility to everyone on April 18th, and the governor says everyone should be able to get an appointment starting on April 19th... who knows if that's really how things will go, but so far the Virginia governor has been pretty dependable in his proclamations, so I'm hoping! Can't wait until we're all vaccinated and we can socialize more normally again!

Happy Easter to all who celebrate. I don't really, but I did make sure to eat a ton of Easter candy 🙄 I guess now that we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm in a rush to pack on the pandemic pounds 🙄😂

My boyfriend and I went house hunting yesterday, and it was a long and exhausting day... but there is a house that's "coming soon" that looks really cool. It's close to a downtown area, it's old and pretty and the style I like, it seems pretty solid (at least from the outside, and based on the disclosures), it makes for an easy commute for both my boyfriend and for me. It has a few drawbacks -- close enough to the highway that you can hear the traffic, that particular block has no sidewalk, and the lot is slightly smaller than I was hoping for (although in the right range).

But what's really worrying me? It's being sold as-is, because it's being sold as part of an estate sale. Also, we can't go inside it until it's an active listing, but by the time it's active, it'll probably be under contract in this market. So the two problems are 1. it's a fixer upper, clearly. It actually doesn't look rough, but the owner was there for fifty years and it's been in probate for a few years now, too, so I'm sure there's deferred maintenance and modernization issues. The seller's agent in the disclosures does say that repairs are needed. 2. I'd have to make an offer sight-unseen. Oh, actually, there's a third problem, too: 3. the seller's agent wants only cash or home purchase renovation loan offers, so I have to get a preapproval on a home purchase renovation loan before I can put in an offer anyway.

My mom says I'm crazy to even consider putting an offer on a house without going inside, and a friend who I asked advice from thinks I'm crazy to even be considering a renovation project when I'm about to start law school and maybe a new job and am going to be living with my boyfriend for the first time. They're probably both right! But with the market the way it is... I'm wondering if a fixer upper sold by an estate that just wants it off their hands ASAP is probably the best deal that I can get! So I think I'll get preapproval for the purchase renovation loan and go from there...

The truth is that it'll almost certainly go to an all-cash buyer instead of to me anyway, so all this worrying is probably moot. But still, now it's taken hold on my imagination.

Have any of you ever bought a fixer upper? Is all this just too crazy?

ETA: My mom was like, go watch the movie, "The Money Pit" and get back to me... 😂

Edited April 4, 2021 by rue721

[Zella]

11 minutes ago, rue721 said:

My parents got their second Pfizer shot yesterday, and they're doing pretty well! They're tired and feel under the weather, but it's basically like after the first shot for them. Such a relief to have them vaccinated!!!!

Virginia is opening up eligibility to everyone on April 18th, and the governor says everyone should be able to get an appointment starting on April 19th... who knows if that's really how things will go, but so far the Virginia governor has been pretty dependable in his proclamations, so I'm hoping! Can't wait until we're all vaccinated and we can socialize more normally again!

Happy Easter to all who celebrate. I don't really, but I did make sure to eat a ton of Easter candy 🙄 I guess now that we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm in a rush to pack on the pandemic pounds 🙄😂

My boyfriend and I went house hunting yesterday, and it was a long and exhausting day... but there is a house that's "coming soon" that looks really cool. It's close to a downtown area, it's old and pretty and the style I like, it seems pretty solid (at least from the outside, and based on the disclosures), it makes for an easy commute for both my boyfriend and for me. It has a few drawbacks -- close enough to the highway that you can hear the traffic, that particular block has no sidewalk, and the lot is slightly smaller than I was hoping for (although in the right range).

But what's really worrying me? It's being sold as-is, because it's being sold as part of an estate sale. Also, we can't go inside it until it's an active listing, but by the time it's active, it'll probably be under contract in this market. So the two problems are 1. it's a fixer upper, clearly. It actually doesn't look rough, but the owner was there for fifty years and it's been in probate for a few years now, too, so I'm sure there's deferred maintenance and modernization issues. The seller's agent in the disclosures does say that repairs are needed. 2. I'd have to make an offer sight-unseen. Oh, actually, there's a third problem, too: 3. the seller's agent wants only cash or home purchase renovation loan offers, so I have to get a preapproval on a home purchase renovation loan before I can put in an offer anyway.

My mom says I'm crazy to even consider putting an offer on a house without going inside, and a friend who I asked advice from thinks I'm crazy to even be considering a renovation project when I'm about to start law school and maybe a new job and am going to be living with my boyfriend for the first time. They're probably both right! But with the market the way it is... I'm wondering if a fixer upper sold by an estate that just wants it off their hands ASAP is probably the best deal that I can get! So I think I'll get preapproval for the purchase renovation loan and go from there...

The truth is that it'll almost go to an all-cash buyer instead of to me anyway, so all this worrying is probably moot. But still, now it's taken hold on my imagination.

Have any of you ever bought a fixer upper? Is all this just too crazy?

I've never bought a house, but based on some of my relatives' experiences of buying older homes, that sounds like a potential recipe for disaster. I second your mom and your friend. Especially if you're going to be balancing working with law school, I think you could easily end up with a house that you'll have to sink a lot of money or time into, which just sounds super stressful on top of everything else you'll be doing. Might not be as big of a deal if you weren't looking to start school soon and were actively interested in a fixer-upper. 

There is a gorgeous house in my town that I love to drive by. It's from the mid-1910s, and though I wouldn't want to live in town, I am a sucker for old houses and I have such a crush on that house. (I have a little drive I do sometimes where I loop around and stare at all the houses I like when I'm bored. LOL) I happened to be across the street from it for something a few years ago in a group of people and was talking about how much I loved that house. Come to find out, one of the people I was talking to was the granddaughter of the original owners. First thing she told me was "Girl, that house floods all the time. You can't even imagine what happens any time it rains. That's why it never sells." I was crushed! But it was good to know. I would never want to deal with that, and it just seems like there is no telling what repair issues might be waiting for you with that house you are interested in. 

Edited April 4, 2021 by Zella

[Minivanessa]

15 minutes ago, rue721 said:

Have any of you ever bought a fixer upper? Is all this just too crazy?

Yes. And, yes.

I bought a fixer-upper from an estate. BUT: it was a condo, in a solid building, so I had no basic structural/exterior/systems issues to fix. It was a lot of work, though, just to get the interior finishes and fixtures updated, renovated, and ready for move-in. Also, (1) I could afford to buy it before my house sold and work on it before I moved in, so I wasn't living in the middle of a construction project, and (2) I was working, not working + going to school + settling into a new home with a boyfriend. 

I don't think you need to take on a home renovation project right now; you have plenty on your plate as it is. BTW I went to law school while working.  Looking back, I have no idea how I did that. My only explanation: I was still young. Just remembering my general weekly routine from those days is tiring; I could never do it again. 

Good luck with all of it, and I hope you find a nice place to call home. A nice place that isn't a renovation project! 😊

Edited April 4, 2021 by Jeeves
Clarity, it's a goal.

[rue721]

Yeah, in my heart I know you all (and my mom, and my friend) are absolutely right. It's just so tempting... but then, I'm always tempted by enormous, all-consuming projects like this and then end up with way too much on my plate 🙄

This is also how I ended up living in an urban high rise with a super energetic and emotionally needy rescue scent hound with health issues. This is how I ended up getting my CPA and applying to law school at the same time. This is how I fell in love during Pandemic Year while trying to navigate social distancing. I think you are probably seeing a pattern here 😂

I should try and be a sensible grownup about this 🤔

Edited April 4, 2021 by rue721

[ginger90]

14 minutes ago, rue721 said:

Have any of you ever bought a fixer upper? Is all this just too crazy?

If it’s been  in probate for a couple of years, and is being sold as is, I’d probably get it out of my mind, personally.

Years ago there was a house we were considering that was “as is”. It was huge, looked great from the street. We mulled it over. It was some sort of lodge back in the day. I’m thinking it was an AMVETS post, but I honestly don’t remember. When it did eventually get open to viewing, we took a look. There was water pouring through the stone foundation. It had great bathrooms, with urinals included! Everything else had been gutted and would have been a fortune to rehab.

We passed, and bought something else that we lived in for 20+ years .

[Zella]

Just now, rue721 said:

Yeah, in my heart I know you (and my mom, and my friend) are absolutely right. It's just so tempting... but then, I'm always tempted by enormous, all-consuming projects like this and then end up with way too much on my plate 🙄

This is also how I ended up living in an urban high rise with a super energetic and emotionally needy rescue scent hound with health issues. This is how I ended up getting my CPA and applying to law school at the same time. This is how I fell in love during Pandemic Year while trying to navigate social distancing. I think you are probably seeing a pattern here 😂

I should try and be a sensible grownup about this 🤔

I think you and I have similar personalities. When I was in grad school and took on some extra projects, my grandmother just asked me point-blank if I enjoyed being miserable. LOL It wasn't that, but I do have a tendency to overcommit to things. It's okay to give yourself permission to say no! 🙂 

[iwantcookies]

2 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:

I have been cooking up a storm today. Homemade rolls, lemon tart, scalloped potatoes (will go in the oven later this afternoon), and ham is warming in the slow cooker. I’m also making green beans with slivered almonds, and balsamic roasted cipolini onions. But right now I’m taking a break from washing the dishes!

Mmm can I have a plate or 2? Lol

[BetyBee]

30 minutes ago, rue721 said:

My parents got their second Pfizer shot yesterday, and they're doing pretty well! They're tired and feel under the weather, but it's basically like after the first shot for them. Such a relief to have them vaccinated!!!!

Virginia is opening up eligibility to everyone on April 18th, and the governor says everyone should be able to get an appointment starting on April 19th... who knows if that's really how things will go, but so far the Virginia governor has been pretty dependable in his proclamations, so I'm hoping! Can't wait until we're all vaccinated and we can socialize more normally again!

Happy Easter to all who celebrate. I don't really, but I did make sure to eat a ton of Easter candy 🙄 I guess now that we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm in a rush to pack on the pandemic pounds 🙄😂

My boyfriend and I went house hunting yesterday, and it was a long and exhausting day... but there is a house that's "coming soon" that looks really cool. It's close to a downtown area, it's old and pretty and the style I like, it seems pretty solid (at least from the outside, and based on the disclosures), it makes for an easy commute for both my boyfriend and for me. It has a few drawbacks -- close enough to the highway that you can hear the traffic, that particular block has no sidewalk, and the lot is slightly smaller than I was hoping for (although in the right range).

But what's really worrying me? It's being sold as-is, because it's being sold as part of an estate sale. Also, we can't go inside it until it's an active listing, but by the time it's active, it'll probably be under contract in this market. So the two problems are 1. it's a fixer upper, clearly. It actually doesn't look rough, but the owner was there for fifty years and it's been in probate for a few years now, too, so I'm sure there's deferred maintenance and modernization issues. The seller's agent in the disclosures does say that repairs are needed. 2. I'd have to make an offer sight-unseen. Oh, actually, there's a third problem, too: 3. the seller's agent wants only cash or home purchase renovation loan offers, so I have to get a preapproval on a home purchase renovation loan before I can put in an offer anyway.

My mom says I'm crazy to even consider putting an offer on a house without going inside, and a friend who I asked advice from thinks I'm crazy to even be considering a renovation project when I'm about to start law school and maybe a new job and am going to be living with my boyfriend for the first time. They're probably both right! But with the market the way it is... I'm wondering if a fixer upper sold by an estate that just wants it off their hands ASAP is probably the best deal that I can get! So I think I'll get preapproval for the purchase renovation loan and go from there...

The truth is that it'll almost certainly go to an all-cash buyer instead of to me anyway, so all this worrying is probably moot. But still, now it's taken hold on my imagination.

Have any of you ever bought a fixer upper? Is all this just too crazy?

ETA: My mom was like, go watch the movie, "The Money Pit" and get back to me... 😂

We bought a fixer upper for our first house, lived there 16 years and had 3 kids. We were busy, but we fixed it up while we were in it and managed to make a nice profit when we sold. It sounds like you're leaning towards waiting, @rue721 and that may be wise. In the meantime, why not get pre-approved and keep looking? I happen to love old houses and if you are on FB, I recommend the group "Our Old House" - it's total old house porn. I love old houses, though I don't currently live in one. They just feel right and the neighborhoods are generally full of trees and nice gardens. Good luck!

[emma675]

27 minutes ago, rue721 said:

Have any of you ever bought a fixer upper? Is all this just too crazy?

Yes and yes. My current house was a partial fixer upper. It is solid, has good bones, and the previous owners had begun updating it, so I wasn't totally starting from scratch. But the first few years were constant renovation projects. I would come home from my day job and work on home projects for hours every night. I can't even imagine how hard it would have been to be in school at the same time. And if that house is being sold as is, that's a big red flag. That almost always means there needs to be a ton of money and time sunk into it to bring it up to code. An investment as big as a house should always be investigated and inspected as thoroughly as possible before putting your hard earned money into it.

[anyasmom]

The first house I bought was a fixer upper, but mostly cosmetic stuff.  It was what we could afford in our early 20's.  We had to paint everything before we moved in and got new carpet in 2 rooms.   Within one year, we managed to repaint our kitchen cabinets and have professionals replace our tub/shower unit.  Then our AC unit went out and needed to be replaced.  Over the next few years we replaced kitchen appliances, countertops, and the backsplash.  It was kind of fun to get to pick out new stuff and see the drastic improvements.  But there were more projects we never did get around to, like replacing all the 50 year old windows.  It just started to seem crazy to keep putting more money into the house if we wouldn't get it back when we sold.  So our next house was about 20 years newer and move in ready.  Much less stressful if you can afford it.

[ginger90]

5 minutes ago, emma675 said:

That almost always means there needs to be a ton of money and time sunk into it to bring it up to code.

Agree, and if it’s electric that needs updating, look out!

I was selling a house post divorce. I got an offer from a woman who waived inspection. Sold! (There was nothing safety related that needed to be done, I wouldn’t sleep if I had done that)

Edited April 4, 2021 by ginger90

[Suzn]

55 minutes ago, rue721 said:

My parents got their second Pfizer shot yesterday, and they're doing pretty well! They're tired and feel under the weather, but it's basically like after the first shot for them. Such a relief to have them vaccinated!!!!

Virginia is opening up eligibility to everyone on April 18th, and the governor says everyone should be able to get an appointment starting on April 19th... who knows if that's really how things will go, but so far the Virginia governor has been pretty dependable in his proclamations, so I'm hoping! Can't wait until we're all vaccinated and we can socialize more normally again!

Happy Easter to all who celebrate. I don't really, but I did make sure to eat a ton of Easter candy 🙄 I guess now that we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm in a rush to pack on the pandemic pounds 🙄😂

My boyfriend and I went house hunting yesterday, and it was a long and exhausting day... but there is a house that's "coming soon" that looks really cool. It's close to a downtown area, it's old and pretty and the style I like, it seems pretty solid (at least from the outside, and based on the disclosures), it makes for an easy commute for both my boyfriend and for me. It has a few drawbacks -- close enough to the highway that you can hear the traffic, that particular block has no sidewalk, and the lot is slightly smaller than I was hoping for (although in the right range).

But what's really worrying me? It's being sold as-is, because it's being sold as part of an estate sale. Also, we can't go inside it until it's an active listing, but by the time it's active, it'll probably be under contract in this market. So the two problems are 1. it's a fixer upper, clearly. It actually doesn't look rough, but the owner was there for fifty years and it's been in probate for a few years now, too, so I'm sure there's deferred maintenance and modernization issues. The seller's agent in the disclosures does say that repairs are needed. 2. I'd have to make an offer sight-unseen. Oh, actually, there's a third problem, too: 3. the seller's agent wants only cash or home purchase renovation loan offers, so I have to get a preapproval on a home purchase renovation loan before I can put in an offer anyway.

My mom says I'm crazy to even consider putting an offer on a house without going inside, and a friend who I asked advice from thinks I'm crazy to even be considering a renovation project when I'm about to start law school and maybe a new job and am going to be living with my boyfriend for the first time. They're probably both right! But with the market the way it is... I'm wondering if a fixer upper sold by an estate that just wants it off their hands ASAP is probably the best deal that I can get! So I think I'll get preapproval for the purchase renovation loan and go from there...

The truth is that it'll almost certainly go to an all-cash buyer instead of to me anyway, so all this worrying is probably moot. But still, now it's taken hold on my imagination.

Have any of you ever bought a fixer upper? Is all this just too crazy?

ETA: My mom was like, go watch the movie, "The Money Pit" and get back to me... 😂

I think you've already gotten enough answers to know what you need to do, but I will add this.  A good outcome for any home improvement project would be that it took only twice as long and twice as much money as planned.  And, it is stressful, very stressful.

[whydoiwatch]

Old houses have charm  and they can be expensive. We lived in a 1918  brick American four square home for 20 years and looking back I don't know what we were thinking when we bought it. Over those years, we had some very expensive projects: adding A/C (there was no central air in the house and furthermore, no ductwork because it was heated by a gas boiler and room radiators), replacing roof, boiler, shoring up root cellar under porch, waterproofing basement. Any project we could do ourselves, we did. But many projects, we could not do,  in addition to above such as replacing knob and tube electric system, updating plumbing. Painting fascia under box gutters required a cherry picker due to height.  Bats got is attic and we had to have professional abatement done. We only replaced some of the windows. We loved the house and it sold as soon as we listed it with multiple offers received. This particular house required a lot less than others nearby and many of them were given up on by owners due to expense.

You get the picture. Unless you really can't see yourself anywhere else, I would pass. Good luck in your decision.

12 minutes ago, Suzn said:

I think you've already gotten enough answers to know what you need to do, but I will add this.  A good outcome for any home improvement project would be that it took only twice as long and twice as much money as planned.  And, it is stressful, very stressful.

Oh, yes, the stress. I have blocked those memories. I can't count the number of times we had appointment for work estimate and no one showed up or someone came and said they were booked for 12 months, etc... Eventually in our time there we developed a list of dependable and reasonable contractors, but that took a long time.

[GeeGolly]

We, too, bought a fixer-upper. But with an inspection we bought it with our eyes wide open. Before we bought that home we saw a lot of odd, funky and dumpy homes. Also in our area, many older homes fall under the Historical Commission and many updates need to be pre-approved (and many won't get approval).

Some soul crushing problems could include lead paint/pipes, asbestos floors/ceilings/pipe insulation, cracked plaster walls, non working radiators, out dated electrical, 5 layer roofing. I'm sure others could add more.

[zoomama]

1 hour ago, BetyBee said:

 I happen to love old houses and if you are on FB, I recommend the group "Our Old House" - it's total old house porn. I love old houses, though I don't currently live in one. They just feel right and the neighborhoods are generally full of trees and nice gardens. Good luck!

i went to this group -- is is wonderful!!!! just dropped a half hour looking at all the pictures.  tanks for the recommend, would not have known about it. 

 

[Jeanne222]

@rue721  Don’t do it!  Lol the end. 

[iwantcookies]

1/2

[rue721]

18 minutes ago, Jeanne222 said:

@rue721  Don’t do it!  Lol the end. 

Hahaha yup, I hear you. I just talked more in depth with my boyfriend and he also made a lot of good points about why it makes more sense for us to rent for now, and our compromise is that we’re going to rent a house (rather than an apartment). I’m a bit sad, but it really is so much more sensible, and it’s a relief not to tie up so much of my savings and take on even more work right now, too. Thanks for the reality check, everybody!

[iwantcookies]

2/2

[Olliesmom]

9 minutes ago, rue721 said:

Hahaha yup, I hear you. I just talked more in depth with my boyfriend and he also made a lot of good points about why it makes more sense for us to rent for now, and our compromise is that we’re going to rent a house (rather than an apartment). I’m a bit sad, but it really is so much more sensible, and it’s a relief not to tie up so much of my savings and take on even more work right now, too. Thanks for the reality check, everybody!

I was just going to post...rent do not buy now.  You have so much on your plate already. And, never buy sight unseen lol.  I hope you and your boyfriend find a great rental!

[Jynnan tonnix]

Easter egg hunt was great fun, candy was a hit, Easter brunch she wasn't entirely sure about (the rest of us thought it was all delicious)...but the hit of the day was the bubble machine!!

ps...ignore the background...between the corner of the hot tub, the bin we keep kindling in during the cold weather, the propane tank (open because there were birds trying to nest in the cap), and the grill, it all looks pretty industrial. This is the armpit of our backyard, and we plan on finally trying to do something with it this year.

Forgive me, I simply could not choose a photo, and finally figured out how to resize...

 

 

Edited April 5, 2021 by Jynnan tonnix

[Love2dance]

I think you and your boyfriend have made a VERY wise choice, @rue721, to rent first. You have saved yourselves a lot of construction $$ and stress. (We own a 1925 house that needed plenty of expected AND unexpected expenses.) We love our home, but I can’t imagine dealing with it while in school, working, and moving in for the first time with a boyfriend. Now you can enjoy your new life in a nice, hopefully calm, home.

Your granddaughter is just adorable, @Jynnan tonnix.

[BitterApple]

Jynnan, your granddaughter is such a little beauty!

[Temperance]

@rue721 I know someone who sold their house very quickly. It was in good condition, but they (the sellers) said there was a master bedroom on the main level. No there wasn't. You had to go upstairs to the second level or down the stairs to the basement. I hope the buyers knew that when they bought it. 

[andromeda331]

@Jynnan tonnix your granddaughter is adorable!

[QuinnInND]

@Jynnan tonnix your granddaughter is adorable! ❤️

[MunichNark]

I just need to vent a bit.

I am just so fucking EXHAUSTED and in constant pain. Mentally, physically, my psyche is wrecking my head. I've been having major sleep issues due to my bed deciding to wear out so that adds to the mix. Have bought new mattress and topper but still am having issues with arms going numb - maybe a new pillow but not sure what to get.

I'm doing Trauma Therapy now and it's wearing me very thin, after 4.5 years of analytical therapy which threw up so many unresolved issues and left me with them to deal by myself. I am lucky to finally have found a great therapist though. But I'm self-paying which leaves me no money left over at the end of a month. Our system does not pay for ego state therapies, sigh.

My head is totally banjaxed, I'm dealing with an entirely new diagnosis (after many decades of something much lighter) which is bringing up some, shall we say, interesting new experiences I'm ill-equipped to deal with and leave me exhausted. It's just no fun.

And don't even get me started on fucking corona, lockdown, home office, isolation and whatnot. This alone is enough to nearly break me.

Honestly, if I'd know what this would be like, I would have said eff this when I first started this particular journey 6 years ago and may have just opted for some bloody drugs. (I don't take stuff. Major phobia about medication). If I could shove it back I would.

I keep getting so tired I need to lie down immediately, some days my muscles seize up so badly I can barely get up so even a tiny wee bit of exercise is out of the question. Such fun.

No rhyme or reason to my vent. Just felt a bit overwhelmed:-(

 

 

 

[GeeGolly]

7 minutes ago, MunichNark said:

I just need to vent a bit.

I am just so fucking EXHAUSTED and in constant pain. Mentally, physically, my psyche is wrecking my head. I've been having major sleep issues due to my bed deciding to wear out so that adds to the mix. Have bought new mattress and topper but still am having issues with arms going numb - maybe a new pillow but not sure what to get.

I'm doing Trauma Therapy now and it's wearing me very thin, after 4.5 years of analytical therapy which threw up so many unresolved issues and left me with them to deal by myself. I am lucky to finally have found a great therapist though. But I'm self-paying which leaves me no money left over at the end of a month. Our system does not pay for ego state therapies, sigh.

My head is totally banjaxed, I'm dealing with an entirely new diagnosis (after many decades of something much lighter) which is bringing up some, shall we say, interesting new experiences I'm ill-equipped to deal with and leave me exhausted. It's just no fun.

And don't even get me started on fucking corona, lockdown, home office, isolation and whatnot. This alone is enough to nearly break me.

Honestly, if I'd know what this would be like, I would have said eff this when I first started this particular journey 6 years ago and may have just opted for some bloody drugs. (I don't take stuff. Major phobia about medication). If I could shove it back I would.

I keep getting so tired I need to lie down immediately, some days my muscles seize up so badly I can barely get up so even a tiny wee bit of exercise is out of the question. Such fun.

No rhyme or reason to my vent. Just felt a bit overwhelmed:-(

Oh yikes. I'm so sorry you're having a tough time. Venting is good!

Has your current therapist taught you coping skills? Also, from one med phobe to another, have you ever thought of reconsidering meds while working with a prescriber who can help you manage the med anxiety? 

One last thing, have you mentioned how hard this has been to your therapist? You may need a break from the trauma work and maybe even a short break from therapy.

Better moments, betters hours, better nights and better days are coming. Hang in there.

[doodlebug]

19 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:

I have been cooking up a storm today. Homemade rolls, lemon tart, scalloped potatoes (will go in the oven later this afternoon), and ham is warming in the slow cooker. I’m also making green beans with slivered almonds, and balsamic roasted cipolini onions. But right now I’m taking a break from washing the dishes!

I went the opposite route: Honeybaked ham with mac and cheese and green beans from their freezer case.  Turned out pretty tasty, along with some dinner rolls from a local bakery.  Lazy woman's Easter for me.

My sister contributed some amazing strudel from a Polish bakery in Parma, home of the Polish community in Cleveland.  We heated it a bit and had it with vanilla ice cream and it was perfection.

Went to Mass and we got communion without the plexiglass barrier for the first time in a year!  Still told to keep our masks on and step 6 feet away before putting the host in our mouth and then mask back up before returning to our seats.  Even had Eucharistic ministers assisting the priest in distribution.  

Between church, the nice meal with good company, the sunshine and the Indians winning; a lovely day all around.

ETA: Another Easter miracle.  After having a tough time finding them all season, I ran into Target just before it closed Saturday night and lo and behold!  A CASE of the 6 packs of Reese's Easter eggs, the finest candy on the planet.  I took it as a sign from God and grabbed two packs.  My local Target was closed on Easter for the first time in years.  Thank you to all their employees who've given up so much to work for the past year.  I hope they all had a blessed and happy Easter.  Same to everyone else who has gone out to work over the last year.

Edited April 5, 2021 by doodlebug

[doodlebug]

17 hours ago, rue721 said:

Yeah, in my heart I know you all (and my mom, and my friend) are absolutely right. It's just so tempting... but then, I'm always tempted by enormous, all-consuming projects like this and then end up with way too much on my plate 🙄

This is also how I ended up living in an urban high rise with a super energetic and emotionally needy rescue scent hound with health issues. This is how I ended up getting my CPA and applying to law school at the same time. This is how I fell in love during Pandemic Year while trying to navigate social distancing. I think you are probably seeing a pattern here 😂

I should try and be a sensible grownup about this 🤔

Unless they are at the very least, allowing you to ask questions, I would steer clear of this sort of home unless you are very experienced in home renovations and have the time and ability to do some of the work yourself.

If you cannot even ask if the basement has been waterproofed and when or if it has ever flooded; run away.  It's not just a waterproofing job we're talking about, the foundation may be crumbling and the house in danger of collapsing.  Many tens of thousands of dollars to jack a house up to fix the foundation and waterproof a basement.

What is the plumbing like?  Any current leaks?  Does the water work in all sinks and toilets? Imagine renovating a house while not having running water and having to put a portapotty in the back yard or run to the nearest gas station when nature calls for several months.  Is the pipe copper or PVC or a combo? (this tells you how long its been since major plumbing work has been done.  If it is all copper, it is old, old, old and will probably need replaced.)

What about the electrical? Fuses or circuit breakers?  Do all parts of the house have electricity, do all outlets work?  Do the outlets near sinks and tubs have GFI? Is the wiring mostly knob and tube or is it newer?  Knob and tube is very old wiring and, aside from not being able to get a permit if you don't replace it, could be a serious fire hazard.  If you plan on any major renovations, you will need city permits,  This will require a city inspector to come out to look at the work in progress and as it is completed and sign off.  If he/she doesn't approve, the work cannot be finished.  Even if the wiring in the renovation is brand, spanking new; if you've got an old fuse box; that will have to be replaced, too, or the job can't be finished.  Basic addition of circuit breakers, GFI and updating wiring is going to be thousands extra on any renovation.

How old is the roof?  Does it leak?  If it needs replaced, how many layers?  New roofs are often placed right over the existing roof, it is cheaper and gives more barrier against leaks.  However, at some point, too many layers gets too heavy.  That means that, if there are say 3 layers already there, you might need to do a tear off and then put on the new roof.  That costs more.  In addition, when they tear it all off, if maintenance has been neglected, you will be faced with repairs around windows and fascia and replacing rotting wood to get it right before the new roof goes on.  Figure maybe 30 grand for a medium sized house.

I think you need to step away from this one.  It is not meant to be.

Edited April 5, 2021 by doodlebug

[iwantcookies]

@Jynnan tonnix your grand baby is adorable! The weather was wonderful too! Perfect for outdoor fun.

Edited April 5, 2021 by iwantcookies

[MunichNark]

1 hour ago, GeeGolly said:

Oh yikes. I'm so sorry you're having a tough time. Venting is good!

Has your current therapist taught you coping skills? Also, from one med phobe to another, have you ever thought of reconsidering meds while working with a prescriber who can help you manage the med anxiety? 

One last thing, have you mentioned how hard this has been to your therapist? You may need a break from the trauma work and maybe even a short break from therapy.

Better moments, betters hours, better nights and better days are coming. Hang in there.

Well, I'm new to the world of trauma - I didn't realise I'm traumatised (I still don't think so tbh...) so all of this stuff is new to me. 

To be sure, my therapist knows all about it, it's just within the last few weeks that things seem to get on top of me so badly. Not sleeping right isn't helping. I'm trying to figure out what I need but even that is difficult for I simply don't know. Ego states are a little difficult, let's put it like that. I'm only starting to reconcile myself to even needing skills (I thought I "just" had anxiety for the past 40 odd years).  Things are starting to come up which is good but also shite. I've never had to deal with being stuck in a fight, flight, fawn or freeze response before. It's not pleasant.

I am not a fan of any medication - and feel it is a cop-out for it won't solve any issues. I am starting to think about possibly having some valerian (bleuuuuurgh, the smell and taste!) or something maybe. Therapist has suggested CBD oil or whatever the name is. Not a fan tbh. Too nervous about it. I'm having all sorts of weird reactions coming to the fore (such as having injections which was never a problem before) so that makes it all rather more difficult. Sigh.

@doodlebug, sorry, but the bestest chocolate Easter Eggs known to mankind are clearly Cadbury's cream eggs!

Strudel is nice, I made some sourkraut one which was goooooorgeous. Highly recommend.

[emma675]

1 minute ago, MunichNark said:

I am not a fan of any medication - and feel it is a cop-out for it won't solve any issues.

Can we be a little careful about statements like this? Some of us are on medication for life for various illnesses and disorders and don't consider it a "cop out". 

[MunichNark]

8 minutes ago, emma675 said:

Can we be a little careful about statements like this? Some of us are on medication for life for various illnesses and disorders and don't consider it a "cop out". 

To be sure, that is your viewpoint. But mine is mine, for ME, not for anyone else. Naturally taking medication can be life saving also. I do take stuff if I must. But not for anxiety. That to me is a cop out. I don't judge others for it in the slightest

[Mindthinkr]

@rue721 I hope you find the sweetest little house to rent. It’s a seller’s market and the prices are OTT right now. Wait until things calm down. 
@Jynnan tonnix Your granddaughter is a real little beauty and she looks like she had fun and treats for Easter which makes it a good memory. Yay. Especially for these times. 
@MunichNark I hope you and your therapist can find something to ease all your problems and issues. It must be horrible to feel like that all the time. Try to be easy on yourself and treat yourself to something nice like a bubble bath.

I hope everyone had a good day yesterday. The kitties and I ate well and kept busy. I’m wishing everyone a good week ahead. 
 

 

[GeeGolly]

47 minutes ago, MunichNark said:

Well, I'm new to the world of trauma - I didn't realise I'm traumatised (I still don't think so tbh...) so all of this stuff is new to me. 

To be sure, my therapist knows all about it, it's just within the last few weeks that things seem to get on top of me so badly. Not sleeping right isn't helping. I'm trying to figure out what I need but even that is difficult for I simply don't know. Ego states are a little difficult, let's put it like that. I'm only starting to reconcile myself to even needing skills (I thought I "just" had anxiety for the past 40 odd years).  Things are starting to come up which is good but also shite. I've never had to deal with being stuck in a fight, flight, fawn or freeze response before. It's not pleasant.

I am not a fan of any medication - and feel it is a cop-out for it won't solve any issues. I am starting to think about possibly having some valerian (bleuuuuurgh, the smell and taste!) or something maybe. Therapist has suggested CBD oil or whatever the name is. Not a fan tbh. Too nervous about it. I'm having all sorts of weird reactions coming to the fore (such as having injections which was never a problem before) so that makes it all rather more difficult. Sigh.

@doodlebug, sorry, but the bestest chocolate Easter Eggs known to mankind are clearly Cadbury's cream eggs!

Strudel is nice, I made some sourkraut one which was goooooorgeous. Highly recommend.

I work with folks who resist medications a lot. Some who 'play' with their insulin, some think they'll become addicted, some who think they're "cured" and some who think they can overcome whatever ails them by other means. Taking medication when indicated not only makes good sense, it shows extraordinary strength and dedication to wellness.

Being in the mental health field I see so many folks who get confused. The brain is an organ like any other. Sometimes pancreases don't do their job right, so by the miracle of science and medicine, we now have insulin to help folks live long and healthy lives. The same holds true for the brain. Some brains neuroreceptors stop doing their jobs. Again through the miracle of science and medicine, we now have a plethora of medications to get things back on track. 

Also, many folks think of benzodiazepines when they think of mental health meds. While at times its the first course of treatment if symptoms are extreme, they are often only temporary and sometimes never needed.

As with most meds, the typical side effects are headache, digestive issues and tiredness. Most of those resolve themselves in the first month. And honestly, most folks don't experience any side effects and mental health meds don't actually make you feel any different, as in high or funky. When folks do experience side effects there's options to try a different med or treat the side effects - often with dietary changes. Usually the biggest problem with medication is finding the right one(s) and the correct therapeutic dosage.

As far as coping skills, they're part of the game. Just like my husband who has heart issues. He needs to not only take his meds, but he needs to exercise and eat right too. Mental health treatment includes more than one treatment too and usually includes therapy, coping skills and medications. 

Like with any chronic illness, it takes hard work, discipline and professional support to get better. Its not easy, but it is doable.

I hope you find what works for you. Keep at it and good luck!

[doodlebug]

41 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I work with folks who resist medications a lot. Some who 'play' with their insulin, some think they'll become addicted, some who think they're "cured" and some who think they can overcome whatever ails them by other means. Taking medication when indicated not only makes good sense, it shows extraordinary strength and dedication to wellness.

Being in the mental health field I see so many folks who get confused. The brain is an organ like any other. Sometimes pancreases don't do their job right, so by the miracle of science and medicine, we now have insulin to help folks live long and healthy lives. The same holds true for the brain. Some brains neuroreceptors stop doing their jobs. Again through the miracle of science and medicine, we now have a plethora of medications to get things back on track. 

Also, many folks think of benzodiazepines when they think of mental health meds. While at times its the first course of treatment if symptoms are extreme, they are often only temporary and sometimes never needed.

As with most meds, the typical side effects are headache, digestive issues and tiredness. Most of those resolve themselves in the first month. And honestly, most folks don't experience any side effects and mental health meds don't actually make you feel any different, as in high or funky. When folks do experience side effects there's options to try a different med or treat the side effects - often with dietary changes. Usually the biggest problem with medication is finding the right one(s) and the correct therapeutic dosage.

As far as coping skills, they're part of the game. Just like my husband who has heart issues. He needs to not only take his meds, but he needs to exercise and eat right too. Mental health treatment includes more than one treatment too and usually includes therapy, coping skills and medications. 

Like with any chronic illness, it takes hard work, discipline and professional support to get better. Its not easy, but it is doable.

I hope you find what works for you. Keep at it and good luck!

Amen, sister!

All I know is that, for myself, and millions of other people, depression and anxiety are far worse problems than taking medication.  For me, SSRI's (Zoloft, to be precise) hasn't masked anything, has minimal, manageable side effects and has simply made me a better, more capable, happier human being.  Depression and anxiety are caused by a lack of serotonin in the brain just as diabetes is caused by a lack of insulin in the pancreas.  Fixing that imbalance is key to improving the quality of life, IMO.  I'm so glad I live in a time when such terrific medications are available and work so well.

[Scarlett45]

5 hours ago, doodlebug said:

A CASE of the 6 packs of Reese's Easter eggs, the finest candy on the planet. 

This is true- along with the pumpkins/bats at Halloween and the trees at Christmas. 

[MargeGunderson]

I grabbed the last bag of white chocolate Reese’s Peanut Butter eggs at Walgreens while waiting for my husband to get his COVID shot. I considered it a tip for driving him there. 

[doodlebug]

3 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

This is true- along with the pumpkins/bats at Halloween and the trees at Christmas. 

The chocolate:peanut butter ratio in those things is just perfect.

As for Cadbury eggs as mentioned above, I do not like the slimy stuff in the middle.  Cadbury chocolate is just fine, the middle of the eggs is not.

[rue721]

I snagged a vaccine appointment for my boyfriend! He's been eligible for a few weeks based on his industry, but I won't be eligible for another two weeks. He has been waiting for his health department to call him up, but of course they haven't. Then today, my coworker (arguably 🙄) became eligible and began frantically looking for an appointment for himself, so I went onto Vaccine Finder, too, to see if there were any appointments by my boyfriend... lo and behold, it took a couple hours of periodic checking, but I got him one! I feel kind of weird, like I overstepped by booking him an appointment, but when I saw one was available, I couldn't just not do it... So now I'm both worried he's offended (probably unnecessarily, but it's so hard to know what someone is feeling when you're communicating only by text! And we're both at work, so it's nothing but texting for the afternoon!) -- and also very relieved because hopefully he'll be protected soon!

[Zella]

I tend to approach things like the vaccine booking process with the same mentality of, I don't know, a Viking going on a raid (same with book sales as an adult and Easter egg hunts as a child LOL), but I'd say it's finders keepers and wouldn't worry too much about it. It's not like you stole an appointment that was promised to him. 

I got my confirmation that my second dose appointment will be this Friday at noon. I figured it would be that day since it was 28 days exactly after the other one, but I was getting antsy waiting to hear back from the pharmacy. 

Edited April 5, 2021 by Zella

[Tikichick]

I received my second dose Saturday.  Once again I was a little misty with gratitude.   I'm still in a state of disbelief there is already a vaccine to be honest.   

[Minivanessa]

1 hour ago, Tikichick said:

I received my second dose Saturday.  Once again I was a little misty with gratitude.   I'm still in a state of disbelief there is already a vaccine to be honest.   

Oh man, being fully vaccinated since late February, has been a godsend to me this past couple of weeks. I've discovered there are approximately a zillion things to be done in my role as executor of my late friend's estate. I"m sitting here realizing she died two weeks ago today. In some ways it feels like a short time and in others, much longer.

The day before yesterday (Saturday) I hit a wall. I didn't have anything on my calendar and I ended up just hanging out here at home all day, in my sweats, reading a book and just chilling out. I didn't talk to anyone, didn't do anything much at all. I was just so tired, and needed the break. 

But back to the vaccinated thing. I've been in and out of my friend's condo, working in there with a few people (also vaccinated), running errands, and actually dining out in a restaurant for the first time in forever. I am so incredibly grateful to be vaccinated. I don't need superpowers; I do treasure the feeling that I'm at least back to something like "normal." I may yet be exposed to COVID but am very unlikely to get a serious case of it or to transmit it to others. I'll take that, thank you very much.

This last two weeks would have been incredibly stressful under earlier pandemic conditions when nobody was vaccinated. I don't even want to think about it. It's hard enough when things are kind of "normal." I hope everyone can get their dang shots SOON!

[emmawoodhouse]

There is NOTHING available in my neck of the woods. I'll just keep trying....

[GeeGolly]

In the recent episode thread we were discussing deviled eggs and "angel eggs". If you all want a chuckle Google dickled eggs. Too frigging funny. It is food, but not really NSFW... be warned. lol

 

[iwantcookies]

23 minutes ago, emmawoodhouse said:

There is NOTHING available in my neck of the woods. I'll just keep trying....

Good luck!
I snagged one in 5-10 minutes. Guess it was meant to be. 

[DangerousMinds]

2 hours ago, Zella said:

I tend to approach things like the vaccine booking process with the same mentality of, I don't know, a Viking going on a raid (same with book sales as an adult and Easter egg hunts as a child LOL), but I'd say it's finders keepers and wouldn't worry too much about it. It's not like you stole an appointment that was promised to him. 

I got my confirmation that my second dose appointment will be this Friday at noon. I figured it would be that day since it was 28 days exactly after the other one, but I was getting antsy waiting to hear back from the pharmacy. 

Yay! I’ll be getting my 2nd dose on Wednesday.

[QuinnInND]

Long day. My tiny humans were all amped up in the morning, and exhausted and snoozy after lunch. I was much the same.  I wish I was still on the beach.