Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[GeeGolly]

17 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

Sorry to change the subject, but I need to get out a wee vent. There was a fishing camp my grandson really really wanted to go to. He had to promise to isolate in his room for 3 weeks before it began so there would be no possible Covid there. Bless him he did, although they did allow him out alone to work with the animals and get some fresh air. He did it all correctly. He ate in his room and kept himself occupied and communicated by walkie talkie and his phone to all. He is 12. That is no small feat when you have the amount of energy he does! He went to the camp Monday and came home Friday. Saturday my daughter gets a call that his counselor has tested positive for virus and now he and the rest of the family has to go get tested. They are sure one of the kids gave it to him. The worst part is that they all have to stay in isolation until the testing is done. I think the waiting period is around 10 days now, but it can be longer. The parents are scared of losing their jobs and how they are going to get food. (I suspect another family member up their way will deliver groceries to their door). Dang. If my grandson could follow protocol, why couldn’t all of the rest of the campers and staff? So my child is upset and the whole family feels as tho they are being targeted. (I suspect they aren’t, but I can see why they might feel that way). Well I hope to see them Christmas if all is well by then. I miss them dearly. I’m also worried because my granddaughter has breathing issues and something like this could kill her. The 12 year old is back in isolation. I think the younger set has it the worst. In their early years they had tastes of freedom. Nowadays the world has changed everything and their freedom to go to school, play (esp sports) and do group activities are no more. I wouldn’t have sent him to the camp in the first place, but I’m not the mother in this instance. 

So sorry this happened to your mature, responsible and driven grandson!

And this is why I trust no one. Even if its was an unintentional slip and whoever was sick didn't realize they exposed themselves. It makes the world a scary place.

Fingers crossed your grandson did not get infected and bring it home.

Edited July 20, 2020 by GeeGolly

[Mindthinkr]

1 minute ago, GeeGolly said:

Fingers crossed your nephew did not get infected and bring it home.

It’s my grandson. Thank you. I hope he didn’t contract it either. 

[Barb23]

@Mindthinkr. I would have your daughter run all this by their family doctor before doing any type of testing especially for your granddaughter with breathing issues. Why should the family be tested this soon if they show no symptoms?  The results could come back negative, they think everything is fine & then two weeks from now start with symptoms? 

Hope things turn out for the best.

ETA:   I reread your post & it looks like they are supposed to wait for testing.  But I would have them run everything by their doctor for advice.

Edited July 20, 2020 by Barb23

[GeeGolly]

1 minute ago, Mindthinkr said:

It’s my grandson. Thank you. I hope he didn’t contract it either. 

Oops! Fixed.

[SunnyBeBe]

Mindthinkr, that's terrible and so unfair.  I pray that all of them are negative. To go to that degree of sacrifice and then have that happen.  There are no words.  It's beyond upsetting!  

[Mindthinkr]

2 minutes ago, Barb23 said:

@Mindthinkr. I would have your daughter run all this by their family doctor before doing any type of testing especially for your granddaughter with breathing issues. Why should the family be tested this soon if they show no symptoms?  The results could come back negative, they think everything is fine & then two weeks from now start with symptoms? 

Hope things turn out for the best.

It is the health department in their county that is insisting on this testing. I agree that they wouldn’t be showing signs so early if at all. I think they are looking for someone to blame it all on rather than trying to ensure that everyone is safe. 

[BetyBee]

@Mindthinkr, I'm so sorry your grandson and his family are going through this. He sounds like a great kid and a devoted fisherman. I hope the whole family stays safe and healthy. I am afraid this is what will happen with schools opening up for in person classes. I fear for my grandchildren too. 😔

Thanks so much for the intelligent input re my annoying sil. This group is the best!

[Scarlett45]

I am so sad today. 
 

I was touching base with D (25yrs old special Ed teacher to cares for my sister some weekends if Mom takes a trip or something). 

To see how she was and get more weekend help- specifically in August to hang with My god mother before her additional cancer treatments .

D’s little brother committed suicide right after George Floyd was murdered.
We talked for about an hour. He was 18yrs old. (They are a white family so I don’t think that had anything to do with it but that’s the time line she gave me)  

A damn BABY. 

D is not going back to teach special ed this fall and is piling together caregiving/nannying and tutoring to make ends meet. I told her we did have work for her. 

I also offered to pass her info on to anyone who needed it. (Like My friend who’s son was born this weekend).

Her parents are devastated. They are all in therapy (together and group). 

They knew he was sad but they thought it was “high school ending, COVID-19 stuff”

Not anything like that!!

Im so sad guys. I went downstairs and saw my mom. And gave her a candle. I actually gave her two because she’s my only Mommy. 
 

Life is precious. 

[galaxychaser]

5 hours ago, BetyBee said:

I have been married for over 40 years and all of that time plus our dating, which equals about 45 years, I've been putting up with my know-it-all sister-in-law (not a sister in love, Duggars!). She picks picks picks at people, especially me, to prove that she is the best in every situation. Based on an early assessment, I decided that she doesn't like herself and is insecure, so I've taken the high road again and again as the years go by. FB allowed her to pick at me publicly, which was a new wrinkle. She's dishonest and judgemental and she talks endlessly, mostly boasting about herself and her kids. Honestly, her annoying comments and posts are one of the many reasons I quit FB. But that caused her find other ways to annoy me and since we can't meet in person, she picked at me via a group text yesterday. I didn't respond and I decided to kind of ghost her. She probably won't notice, as she's so full of herself. If she does, I'll finally tell her why I'm distancing from her. One good thing about quarantine is that it makes it easier to distance from people you don't want to be around anyway!

Keep ignoring her. Take the high road.

[andromeda331]

I'm sorry @Mindthinkr I hope your grandson and his family will be okay.

I'm sorry @Scarlett45 that's awful. 

 

[BetyBee]

@Scarlett45, that is so sad about the young boy committing suicide. My cousin's son killed himself at 16, just after 9/11. I don't know if current events prompted his action all those years ago either, but the tragic result is the same. So sad for the family and his friends. Life is very precious. ❤️

[Scarlett45]

7 minutes ago, BetyBee said:

@Scarlett45, that is so sad about the young boy committing suicide. My cousin's son killed himself at 16, just after 9/11. I don't know if current events prompted his action all those years ago either, but the tragic result is the same. So sad for the family and his friends. Life is very precious. ❤️

Thank you for your kind words. I told D that we were a source of support for her and if she needs work of COURSE we have work for her and my sister would love to spend time with her. This is such a lonely time for so many. 
 

D said that she wanted people to know what happened to him so that other kids (cause yeah he was a kid) might seek out help. 

[Jenniferbug]

@BetyBee, avoid her as much as possible! She sounds very toxic which has everything to do with her and nothing to do with you!

@Mindthinkr, I'm so sorry that your grandson (who did everything right) is in jeopardy because others couldn't make the same sacrifices. I'll be praying your family stays healthy (or sending good vibes, if you're not a fan of prayers). This is exactly why I'm worried about schools reopening as well. 

@Scarlett45, that is such a sad story. Mental health can be so precarious, and signs often go overlooked. I think a lot of my anxiety and depression was chalked up to being a moody teenager by my mother. My husband had a student who committed suicide last year before the holidays and it wrecked him. I hope his family is able to make a difference for others by sharing his story. Treat yourself treat anything that will cheer you up today- sounds like you've had a rough one! 

[GeeGolly]

My condolences to those of you that have lost someone to suicide.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, available 24 hours, Languages: English, Spanish.

1-800-273-8255

[Mindthinkr]

@Scarlett45  I’m so sorry to hear about D’s little brother. That’s a tough one because you never understand why and all the what if’s. I’m glad she will be able to help with your Mom. She sounds like a gem. I’m glad the family is getting therapy to help them get over that tragic loss. 
 

Is 2020 over yet? This has to be the worst year in history for so many reasons. 

[lookeyloo]

@Scarlett45 oh so sorry to hear. My brother committed suicide in 2002. I am still not over it. Think about him every day. It is so sad all around. 

[galaxychaser]

I’m pretty confident 1940-1945 was worse than 2020. 

I don’t understand why people commit suicide. Maybe if you are terminally ill. 
 

Im working on not using food as a reward or to sooth negative feelings. Have to find something else. Maybe shoes as a reward.

 

22 minutes ago, lookeyloo said:

@Scarlett45 oh so sorry to hear. My brother committed suicide in 2002. I am still not over it. Think about him every day. It is so sad all around. 

I’m sorry. ❤️❤️❤️

[emma675]

Mindthinkr, I'm so sorry your family is going through this because someone else couldn't be responsible like your grandson was. I hope none of them test positive and quarantine passes quickly for them. I feel like this will never end, I can't imagine what things will be like at this point next year. 

Scarlett45, he was just a kid. I can't imagine what his family is going through, suicide of a loved one is something I don't think you ever get over. 

[NotthebadVictoria]

25 minutes ago, galaxychaser said:

Im working on not using food as a reward or to sooth negative feelings. Have to find something else. Maybe shoes as a reward.
 

Exercise! 

[Scarlett45]

7 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

Sorry to change the subject, but I need to get out a wee vent. There was a fishing camp my grandson really really wanted to go to. He had to promise to isolate in his room for 3 weeks before it began so there would be no possible Covid there. Bless him he did, although they did allow him out alone to work with the animals and get some fresh air. He did it all correctly. He ate in his room and kept himself occupied and communicated by walkie talkie and his phone to all. He is 12. That is no small feat when you have the amount of energy he does! He went to the camp Monday and came home Friday. Saturday my daughter gets a call that his counselor has tested positive for virus and now he and the rest of the family has to go get tested. They are sure one of the kids gave it to him. The worst part is that they all have to stay in isolation until the testing is done. I think the waiting period is around 10 days now, but it can be longer. The parents are scared of losing their jobs and how they are going to get food. (I suspect another family member up their way will deliver groceries to their door). Dang. If my grandson could follow protocol, why couldn’t all of the rest of the campers and staff? So my child is upset and the whole family feels as tho they are being targeted. (I suspect they aren’t, but I can see why they might feel that way). Well I hope to see them Christmas if all is well by then. I miss them dearly. I’m also worried because my granddaughter has breathing issues and something like this could kill her. The 12 year old is back in isolation. I think the younger set has it the worst. In their early years they had tastes of freedom. Nowadays the world has changed everything and their freedom to go to school, play (esp sports) and do group activities are no more. I wouldn’t have sent him to the camp in the first place, but I’m not the mother in this instance. 

I’m sorry your family may be potentially infected. 
 

But I don’t understand the strategy behind having the children isolate for three weeks before. These children don’t drive THEMSELVES to camp....... so any child could’ve been exposed just getting to camp (and any counselor as well), from the people they came in contact with on the commute. 
 

Poor baby I bet he feels awful. 

[Absolom]

1 hour ago, galaxychaser said:

Im working on not using food as a reward or to sooth negative feelings. Have to find something else. Maybe shoes as a reward.

I'm proud of you.  I just ordered several boxes of cookies.  I'm taking a pandemic break to figure out my favorite tea cookie/biscuit.  Instead of gaining the pandemic 15, I've lost a few pounds so I'm hoping a couple cookies a day will help me stabilize. 

[Hangin Out]

9 hours ago, BetyBee said:

I have been married for over 40 years and all of that time plus our dating, which equals about 45 years, I've been putting up with my know-it-all sister-in-law (not a sister in love, Duggars!). She picks picks picks at people, especially me, to prove that she is the best in every situation. Based on an early assessment, I decided that she doesn't like herself and is insecure, so I've taken the high road again and again as the years go by. FB allowed her to pick at me publicly, which was a new wrinkle. She's dishonest and judgemental and she talks endlessly, mostly boasting about herself and her kids. Honestly, her annoying comments and posts are one of the many reasons I quit FB. But that caused her find other ways to annoy me and since we can't meet in person, she picked at me via a group text yesterday. I didn't respond and I decided to kind of ghost her. She probably won't notice, as she's so full of herself. If she does, I'll finally tell her why I'm distancing from her. One good thing about quarantine is that it makes it easier to distance from people you don't want to be around anyway!

OMG .. same problem here.  I’m married longer than you.  I just dumped my sister in law for her ignoring and picking on me with her sister.  They were always stirring the pot and embarrassing me in front of other people.  The “other”Sister died 3 yrs ago, so now this one wants to know me.  Screw her.  I’m done .. and she knows why.  It feels so good after all these years.  I finally have the upper hand.

[MargeGunderson]

1 hour ago, NotthebadVictoria said:

Exercise! 

Exercise as a reward? Has the whole world gone topsy-turvy? 

[galaxychaser]

19 minutes ago, MargeGunderson said:

Exercise as a reward? Has the whole world gone topsy-turvy? 

Too funny. It’s so hot I can barely walk breathe outside. Maybe in the fall.

[lookeyloo]

20 minutes ago, MargeGunderson said:

Exercise as a reward? Has the whole world gone topsy-turvy? 

I know it sounds crazy but the good feeling afterwards is the reward. I never jump out of bed thinking “yippee I get to exercise” but afterwards it is good 

[Nysha]

Quote

exactly - the kids who were beaten refused to do that to their own children and they are in reality complaining about their grandchildren

 

We've been discussing parenting trends in Jessa's thread and the Duggar/Gothard method of making their children repress their anger and I wanted to reply to @crazy8s post here since it will probably be shut down in that thread.

My mother was a single mom with 3 kids until she met my sociopath stepfather. We were working class poor and at church every time the doors open. All expressions of anger, sadness, dismay were considered defiance and corrected with a belt, not just with my family but pretty much all the families in our little church. We were also expected to obey instantly and anything but "yes, mom/dad" resulted in being slapped in the mouth. Needless to say, at 57 I still have issues.

And like @crazy8s posted, when I adopted children I vowed never to do this to my own kids. Unfortunately, since I had not learned boundaries growing up, I didn't know to set them with my kids. Giving an explanation was the start of an hour-long session on why those reasons didn't apply to this situation. Although I let my kids express their emotions, I didn't know how to teach them how to control them b/c I didn't know how. So our home was filled with chaos. About once a month I would have a massive screaming fit and send them all to their rooms for the rest of the day and go to my room and sob. I've had therapy and took an excellent parenting class when I first got my grandson, so I'm a much better parent to my grandchildren than I was to my children.

[Ohiopirate02]

2 hours ago, galaxychaser said:

 

Im working on not using food as a reward or to sooth negative feelings. Have to find something else. Maybe shoes as a reward.

I like to online window shop when I'm feeling down.  Peruse a website, pick out a few items, put them into my cart, and then close the tab.

[Nysha]

5 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

I am so sad today. 

@Scarlett45, I'm so sorry. 18 is so young to think that is the only option. I hope his family is able to find some peace.

[lookeyloo]

Oh gosh this brings back memories. I was born in 1944. My father was in WWII and came home on a furlough when I was conceived. Back to war. I didn’t meet him til I was 2. The war changed both my parents I think. A long separation and the times and growing apart. They never got along well. We were not allowed any emotion except gratitude and happiness. How dare we express anger or anticipation or sadness or disappointment. Punishment. They were  all of those things but we weren’t allowed. Then married the first Mr lookeyloo. He was a doctor and whenever I expressed a feeling that wasn’t gratitude or happiness he would say “that’s ridiculous, you shouldn’t feel that way” and back then I thought “well he is the doctor- what is wrong with me” and when he left me and I found a therapist I learned there is nothing wrong with me. Current Mr lookeyloo is great.  Nobody had a parenting book in my life. 

[Scarlett45]

I agree that parenting goes through trends (like anything), but for people who actually love their kids and have healthy relationships, they do what they do to prepare their kids for adulthood without breaking their spirit. 
 

My family is what I would consider “old school”- yes I was allowed to have feelings, but there was a certain way I had to conduct myself and speak to my elders. (I’m an old millennial raised by baby boomers who were the first group to attend medical school after desegregation.) There was a time and a place for everything. Yelling, talking back, using disrespectful language was just not tolerated- my Mom would’ve slapped the black of off me- I swear I wouldn’t be black any more!! Slam a door?? In my Moms house??? Say “I hate you.” HELLZ NAH!!!

Now my mom says growing up Grandfather wasn’t warm and fuzzy- she knew he’d die for her but “feelings” weren’t his jam. He left her mom (who died long before I was born) to do the “let’s express our feelings” thing. Now like most grandparents she said he was way more warm and fuzzy when I came along (now if that was warm and fuzzy I can’t imagine what he was like before!). My Mom came to him once when my sister was little, complaining about all the money she had to spend and all the things she destroyed and would she ever be toilet trained and how many more tests and therapies would she need blah blah blah and Grandfather told her to “SHUT UP. You chose to bring this child into the world. There’s a reason you have an MD. Don’t you EVER come to me complaining about your responsibilities AGAIN!” She walked away with her tail between her legs.

I was raised that the outside world doesn’t give two shits about me and my “feelings”, when I step out of my house I’m just a black woman living under the white patriarchy and I can’t ever forget that. They wanted me to be strong, because the world was going to want to knock me down. I had to have a “game face” and a strong sense of self to survive (physically and emotionally).

Now given my family situation the elders were always very concerned that I felt paid attention to, and I had time away from caregiving duties, and they were always terrified I would resent my sister and have “issues”. When I was a kid I thought they were weird AF, but as an adult I realized how lucky I was to have so many people care about me. And also all kids are different. I remember once my mom gave me a journal to “get my feelings out”- I was SO confused, out WHERE???🤣🤣🤣

That being said, I think there’s a balance, yes your child is going to have feelings, that’s a part of life, but you need to have a filter and a healthy way to express that- a time and a place for it. Because yes, no one is going to love you like Mom/Dad/primary caregiver, and your “feelings” don’t mean jack shit when you have to survive in the world.

[MargeGunderson]

1 hour ago, lookeyloo said:

I know it sounds crazy but the good feeling afterwards is the reward. I never jump out of bed thinking “yippee I get to exercise” but afterwards it is good 

I’m just going to trust you on this one, @lookeyloo! I have no need to verify for myself. 

I’m treating myself to a lot of new skincare products as a reward for...well, basically just getting up everyday and doing what needs to be done at work and home. Face masks, body scrubs, lotions, foot masks (I love a good foot mask), hair products, etc. It’s kind of a shame, my skin looks terrific, and I have no where to show it off. I’ve never been so well hydrated. 

[Scarlett45]

4 minutes ago, MargeGunderson said:

I’m just going to trust you on this one, @lookeyloo! I have no need to verify for myself. 

I’m treating myself to a lot of new skincare products as a reward for...well, basically just getting up everyday and doing what needs to be done at work and home. Face masks, body scrubs, lotions, foot masks (I love a good foot mask), hair products, etc. It’s kind of a shame, my skin looks terrific, and I have no where to show it off. I’ve never been so well hydrated. 

YASSSSS. A proper beauty regimen through these times is ESSENTIAL. 

[NotthebadVictoria]

2 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:

Exercise as a reward? Has the whole world gone topsy-turvy? 

🤣🤣🤣 when you do it right (actually workout) it’s a mood booster! Next to (good) sex there’s nothing like it 😂!

[Scarlett45]

20 minutes ago, NotthebadVictoria said:

🤣🤣🤣 when you do it right (actually workout) it’s a mood booster! Next to (good) sex there’s nothing like it 😂!

Sex? What’s that?? I’ve forgotten. Damn COVID-19😒. 
 

I was watching P-Valley on Starz and there was a hot naked man and I almost fainted. 😹

[DangerousMinds]

2 hours ago, galaxychaser said:

Too funny. It’s so hot I can barely walk breathe outside. Maybe in the fall.

I am in the same boat and finally bought a bike. But it’s too hot to ride!

[lookeyloo]

50 minutes ago, NotthebadVictoria said:

🤣🤣🤣 when you do it right (actually workout) it’s a mood booster! Next to (good) sex there’s nothing like it 😂!

I so agree with this. There is actual research that exercise can help with low mood. It’s hard to do with a low mood I can guarantee but does help 

[crazycatlady58]

I have a dentist appointment Wednesday. They will call me tomorrow with some questions. Would it be weird,/inappropriate for me to ask questions such as , Have any of your staff been diagnosed with Covid19? Are you aware of any of your clients that have tested positive? What happens if someone does test positive? I am not worried about picking up the virus at the office nor do I want to make their life difficult but I do wonder.

[NotthebadVictoria]

1 minute ago, lookeyloo said:

I so agree with this. There is actual research that exercise can help with low mood. It’s hard to do with a low mood I can guarantee but does help 

Yes!! 1000% daily exercise is incredible for you, in so many ways!!! And there is so much you can do with just your body weight indoors!

[magpye29]

3 hours ago, Absolom said:

I'm taking a pandemic break to figure out my favorite tea cookie/biscuit. 

I'm a big fan of Archway Windmill cookies--has to be Archway, because the other brands just don't taste as good.  Also like Chessmen cookies.  Both of these are specifically to drink with tea or coffee. I also like Stella d'Oro breakfast treats.  Again, only for tea or coffee.  I have other cookies I like to eat with a big glass of very cold milk.

[Absolom]

More cookies to try!  I didn't order any of those.  I'm fond of McVitties so was looking into that type.

[Zella]

I'm intrigued to see the biscuit/cookie recommendations. I was actually just plotting my next order of hot tea (I survive on iced tea during the summer because I just can't drink hot tea in Arkansas summers), but I usually have a cup of breakfast tea in the mornings when it gets a little cooler. I'm not opposed to adding something edible with it. 😉 @Absolom, which ones did you order? 

Edited July 21, 2020 by Zella

[Zella]

On the subject of emotions, my family is full of temperamental hillbillies and alcoholics, so the only emotion we're comfortable with is anger. (And I don't say that to besmirch my family. I genuinely love most of them, but it's not exactly the most emotionally healthy group of people.) Adulthood . . . has been unlearning that. I'm still not good at public emotions and am still pretty intense (according to my friends). But I'm better at not completely losing my shit on people than I was in my early 20s. Yay personal growth. 

Incidentally, I've talked on here about being estranged from my mom since I was a child. She called another relative's house yesterday after 21 years of no contact and asked to speak to my dad. She called back and asked to speak to my dad, my grandpa, my brother, or--very long pause--me. No sorry, no how are you, no nothing. Very business-like but sort of tipsy sounding. They let it go to voicemail, and none of us have any intention of calling her. In my 20s, I probably would have called her back and unleashed a torrent of fury on her. At 30, my response is to just ignore her, but I don't really feel comfortable talking about it anywhere else I frequent on the internet because I don't want the inevitable "BUT SHE'S YOUR MOTHER!" lecture. I feel like Michael Corleone closing the door in Kay's face at the end of The Godfather Part II, and I have no regrets. 

Edited July 21, 2020 by Zella

[magpye29]

11 minutes ago, Zella said:

I don't want the inevitable "BUT SHE'S YOUR MOTHER!" lecture.

Boy do I know that feeling!  I hate those posts on facebook that are all about be nice to your mother because she's the only one you've got. So what? She has the relationship with me that she created. I try to be nice to her, but prolonged exposure wears thin quickly.

[Zella]

2 minutes ago, magpye29 said:

She has the relationship with me that she created.

Word. I don't actively loathe the woman anymore (and actually spend very little time thinking of her), but I have no interest in any relationship with her, and that's all on her. If she suddenly has regrets, well, she's the one who made this bed, and it's not my problem. I will confess to being really exasperated with the sentiments that pop up rather routinely in pop culture that all mothers are amazing because they're mothers. That's just inherently dishonest. I'm happy for people who have great relationships with their mom, but some acknowledgement that that isn't reality for many of us would be nice. 

[magpye29]

5 minutes ago, Zella said:

I'm happy for people who have great relationships with their mom, but some acknowledgement that that isn't reality for many of us would be nice. 

I've actually been thinking of creating a line of greeting cards for fractured relationships, like "You were a crappy mom, but I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you so Happy Mother's Day!"

[Absolom]

54 minutes ago, Zella said:

 @Absolom, which ones did you order? 

Oh my, a single box of almost everything that came up tea biscuit on Amazon.  Yes, it was fun.  Plus the Mcvitties rich tea biscuits and some shortbread.  A weekly Amazon order seems to be my pandemic vice.

 

 

[Zella]

2 minutes ago, magpye29 said:

I've actually been thinking of creating a line of greeting cards for fractured relationships, like "You were a crappy mom, but I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you so Happy Mother's Day!"

OMG yes! Almost every time I have to buy greeting cards, I'm left wondering, "Does nobody who writes for these companies have dysfunctional families and feel the need to moderate the tone a little?" 🤣

Just now, Absolom said:

Oh my, a single box of almost everything that came up tea biscuit on Amazon.  Yes, it was fun.  Plus the Mcvitties rich tea biscuits and some shortbread.  A weekly Amazon order seems to be my pandemic vice.

 

 

That's awesome! 😄 

[Sew Sumi]

Love me some TimTams. 

My husband and SIL have mother issues. While she thinks she's terrific, I can verify that she's a very difficult woman. Narcissist to the core.

[Absolom]

23 minutes ago, Zella said:

I will confess to being really exasperated with the sentiments that pop up rather routinely in pop culture that all mothers are amazing because they're mothers. That's just inherently dishonest. I'm happy for people who have great relationships with their mom, but some acknowledgement that that isn't reality for many of us would be nice. 

My mother's mother was a real piece of work and most of her life simply used my mother.  Given that societal she's you mother thing, my mother kept letting herself be used.  I finally weaned her away when mom was about 60!  She kept paying off my grandmother's credit cards.  Grandma would let my aunt use them to the max and then whine to my mother.  I said you have to stop this and she said but it will ruin my mother's credit rating.  To which I responded that can only be a good thing.

[GeeGolly]

Boundaries are healthy and empowering. That's not to mean we shut the door on anyone who has done us wrong, because we'd all be navigating life solo. Somehow being 'nice' turned into a virtue, even if its at our own expense. And boundaries can be fluid, we can keep folks farther away at times and let them get closer if healthy. The hard thing about using boundaries with family members, and even more so when newly used, is we can't control their reactions. Typically there is collateral damage and we may lose another relationship as well.

But if being nice, keeping peace or behaving within social norms is causing discomfort its okay to change things up. Setting boundaries may also cause discomfort, but its healthy discomfort.