Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[barbedwire]

Sorry to hear that Skittl!  Hope your day gets better.

 

Pixie Chicken - I know what you mean.  I too attend church and it is amazing how many people think we should all think alike.  In the fundamentals, yes.  But there is a lot that will always be debated.  Otherwise isn't it just a cult?  "No thinking for yourself involved here."

[Pixie Chicken]

Honest opinions please!

 

My sister-in-law ("Anne") likes to get things done early.  She is from a big fundy-lite family. 

 

In the past 20+ years, we have gotten together with them on Christmas Day and she gets together with her family on Christmas Eve.  Works out especially when my 2 kids got jobs in retail.  They have major holidays off when the stores are closed but other days are a crap shoot if they will work or  not.

 

She left me a voice mail saying that they (her and my brother and their kids) want to do things differently this year. They bought a cabin on a lake so they want to have Christmas Eve with her family, then drive to lake the next day and stay through New Year's day.  Their own family celebration (and I know they shoot off cool fireworks over this lake on New Year's Eve).  So she wants every year just to figure out another day we can get together.

 

I left her a voice mail then saying that is really hard with the retail jobs but maybe we can have Christmas Eve at my house every other year and she can rotate with her family.  My kids have a better shot of getting that day off then a Saturday or Sunday before such a big shopping holiday.  She called me and said no.  She wants to do it her way.  I explained if it was at my house the kids could at least be there for an hour or 2 before their shift.  Still no.  "Their" mind is made up.  (I think my brother really doesn't care either way.)

 

How would you feel if this was said to you?  I really feel like last place in their lives.

Honestly?  I'd let it go.  If your kids are working already, and you have 20-year-old traditions, it sounds like your children are adults.  Things change when kids get older and start having their own families anyway.  Your SIL sounds like a pill, and if she's got her mind made up, then I'd let it go.  So, your kids don't see their aunt and uncle.  You don't have to play her way, though, either.  Do holidays when they work for you, and if it jives with her agenda, great.  If not, that's okay too.  You can celebrate holidays without her presence.

[barbedwire]

Thanks.  At this point I am thinking that getting together was a lot more fun for us than them.  I won't go into all of that (showing up late, their attitude, comparing us to her family, etc.) but I think you are both right.  Time to let it go.  Compromise is required in good relationships and she really doesn't want too nor does my brother.

[Bella]

BarbedWire, she sounds like she has identified what she wants, but her insisting that it would work for your kids also sounds like she wants to impose it on you without finding out what you want.

 

A lot of families split the holidays. Maybe you could say something like "that doesn't work for us. What's another holiday you'd like to spend with us? I'll have to clear it with my kids and their work schedules first, of course, and I'm not going to tell them what those schedules should be, I'm only going to operate on what they actually are. But past that, I'm open."

[barbedwire]

Actually I wouldn't mind New Years Day but that is the day they are driving back from the cabin.  She is not open to it.  Makes me a little sad that the relationship my kids have with their Uncle and Aunt is drifting.  My other 2 siblings are not like that.

[Absolom]

bigskygirl, I'm so sorry.  Deconditioning is the go to statement when they can't figure out the problem or don't take the time to look thoroughly.  For some people it must be real, but given your set of circumstances, it makes me wonder.  I was told that two or three times until one cardiologist went oops it's pericarditis. 

[ChiCricket]

I am really annoyed about the proliferation of "go fund me" pages. Good idea for those who have truly had a misfortune

Even then..be very,VERY wary.

My youngest daughter's coworker just recently died at 37 from brain cancer. Her cousin, who my daughter knows very well (she was one of her bridesmaids!) set up a gofundme page to help pay for the funeral expenses.

She raised $10,000 (all of them work for a large airline, so word got around.)

Fine,good,funeral expenses will be paid for, right?

Well, when the deceased's mom asked her niece for the gofundme money so she could pay the funeral bill....none left.

Turns out the deceased's cousin has a gambling addiction NO ONE KNEW ABOUT and she spent every penny at the casinos.

She got fired from the airline after they found out btw,because there was no way she ever could have worked with all her co-workers she fleeced (especially since everyone loved her cousin that died that also worked with them) Sick, sick, sick.

Edited October 30, 2015 by ChiCricket

[barbedwire]

Yikes!

[Jordan Baker]

I was away from this topic or a week for so. I was surprised to see how many posts had been made in the meantime and was gobsmacked by what happened. For those of you who are feeling taken, well . . . add me to the list.

 

One thing that did jump out at me, in reading all the comments, was one about how a certain poster never "liked" anyone else's posts. ACK. I use a tablet to read and post on PTV, and I am never able to like posts. I get an odd message when I try. When I sign on to PTV from my laptop, I am able to like posts, but the laptop is older than I am (OK, I exaggerate, but it IS old), and I don't like using it. Do I need to use a mobile version when posting from a tablet??

 

On a few other topics that have cropped up recently . . .

 

• I love rutabaga. Love it. We always had it at Thanksgiving, and the taste, while unusual, is comforting to me. (DH describes it as eating the bottom of an ashtray.) The only thing I don't love about it is trying to cut through one. They're thick little bastards.
   
• I don't eat meat (well, OK, I do eat fish), and so Thanksgiving is always a bit tricky for me. Unlike some of the relatives described here, however, I would never insist on having the hosts make something special for me. I can always find something to eat, and I'd rather not have anyone making anything just for me.
  
  I will admit that it does surprise me how often people look at me and say "You're a vegetarian??" in the same tone they might use to say "You're from MARS??"
   
• I've been on two cruises. I'm not a huge fan. I do love the idea of a crossword puzzle cruise, though, because I'm a geek who loves puzzles.
   
• I am so sorry for all of you who are going through rough times. Truly. I don't know how much it helps to have anonymous virtual friends pulling for you, but if it helps at all, just know that we're out there.

Edited October 29, 2015 by Jordan Baker

[Bella]

Yeah, we're not even allowing people to link to GFM pages anymore. But that's been discussed to death here.

 

 

Actually I wouldn't mind New Years Day but that is the day they are driving back from the cabin.  She is not open to it.  Makes me a little sad that the relationship my kids have with their Uncle and Aunt is drifting.  My other 2 siblings are not like that.

 

Part of my attitude in answering comes from the fact that a friend is experiencing the same thing only more extreme. My friend is a lesbian and in a committed relationship with this woman who is charming, intelligent, sweet, generous, etc., etc., etc., (exhaust all the superlatives) and balances my friend perfectly. And her family has completely rejected her except for a few adult nieces and nephews. Yet she is the same person she was before she came out, only now she's happier. So I'm in kind of an "axe the pissy relatives" mode these days, because my friend is a lot better off without her toxic family. Your situation isn't anywhere near as severe as this; I'm relating it to explain my bias right now. 

 

Really, just because someone is a relative doesn't mean you can't find better people who make you happier and who are a better family for you. Or that you have to twist yourself into a pretzel to accommodate a family member who's being unreasonable.

[lookeyloo]

Honest opinions please!

My sister-in-law ("Anne") likes to get things done early. She is from a big fundy-lite family.

In the past 20+ years, we have gotten together with them on Christmas Day and she gets together with her family on Christmas Eve. Works out especially when my 2 kids got jobs in retail. They have major holidays off when the stores are closed but other days are a crap shoot if they will work or not.

She left me a voice mail saying that they (her and my brother and their kids) want to do things differently this year. They bought a cabin on a lake so they want to have Christmas Eve with her family, then drive to lake the next day and stay through New Year's day. Their own family celebration (and I know they shoot off cool fireworks over this lake on New Year's Eve). So she wants every year just to figure out another day we can get together.

I left her a voice mail then saying that is really hard with the retail jobs but maybe we can have Christmas Eve at my house every other year and she can rotate with her family. My kids have a better shot of getting that day off then a Saturday or Sunday before such a big shopping holiday. She called me and said no. She wants to do it her way. I explained if it was at my house the kids could at least be there for an hour or 2 before their shift. Still no. "Their" mind is made up. (I think my brother really doesn't care either way.)

How would you feel if this was said to you? I really feel like last place in their lives.

This type of thing has come up in my family over the years. At first I would get my knickers twisted and then I had a revelation of sorts and said " well sounds like you will enjoy that. We are going to do our regular thing" or words to that effect. After the other folks trying to convince us or being pissed they usually settle down. And we have less stress even if sometimes it is a very small event. And sometimes they decide what we are doing is more fun anyway. Not always.

[Missy Vixen]

 

 

Really, just because someone is a relative doesn't mean you can't find better people who make you happier and who are a better family for you. Or that you have to twist yourself into a pretzel to accommodate a family member who's being unreasonable.

Absolutely. What's happening is not your fault, either. Your children aren't able to drop everything and bow to your SIL's every wish. Another adult should understand what working a retail job is like at the holidays!

 

Do what makes you and your family happiest at the holidays. If they don't want to join you, well, it's their loss.

[Jellybeans]

Even then..be very,VERY wary.

My youngest daughter's coworker just recently died at 37 from brain cancer. Her cousin, who my daughter knows very well (she was one of her bridesmaids!) set up a gofund me page to help pay for the funeral expenses.

She raised $10,000 (all of them work for a large airline, so word got around). Fine,good, funeral expenses will be paid for, right? Deceased mom asks niece for go fund me money so she can pay the funeral bill.

Funerals do not have to cost that much. I know because I lost my daughter. Cremated her when she died and buried her six years later. That, was a choice. $10k is a lot for a funeral!

[lookeyloo]

Funerals do not have to cost that much. I know because I lost my daughter. Cremated her when she died and buried her six years later. That, was a choice. $10k is a lot for a funeral!

Jellybeans - I think about you often because I cannot imagine anything worse than losing a child. Nothing else.

[NewDigs]

Gosh. This thread is such a roller coaster.

So sorry for all who are carrying such emotional burdens and others struggling physically. Sometimes there are no easy answers as we process our ways through life. Just hope all can find some relief.

And on the upside of the coaster thanks to all who have shared cruise stories. We were liveaboard boaters for years and have wanted to have a cruise ship experience. Lots of good ideas here. Have been looking at NCL and now also at their Gem. We don't need to go far or be very adventurous. Would just like to unpack once, get fed, entertained and relaxed.

Did a train trip a few weeks ago. It's an adventure. Plenty of motion! It will be a while before I board again but it's still on my list.

I was born on Mothers Day and we managed to handle both occassions reasonably equably. And now (60+years later) plan holidays together for that time. We love those vacays together and it's fun to plan something special.

[springtime]

Jellybeans- An idea to recognize your daughter's birthday.

 

Pick something that she loved. and share it to help others.

(Purchase and donate a favorite food (pasta, soup) of hers to a food bank, a favorite comfort item (plush socks, fleece throw, hand cream) to a local shelter... something along those lines)

 

It will be helpful to you as well as the lucky recipients!

Edited October 30, 2015 by springtime

[Love2dance]

Thanks.  At this point I am thinking that getting together was a lot more fun for us than them.  I won't go into all of that (showing up late, their attitude, comparing us to her family, etc.) but I think you are both right.  Time to let it go.  Compromise is required in good relationships and she really doesn't want too nor does my brother.

BARBEDWIRE, it does hurt so much, but time to make your own new traditions. Besides, if and when the kids get married and the grandbabies come, you will find yourselves re-evaluating how the holidays are spent all over again. Hope your holidays will be joyful, even if a bit smaller.

[magpye29]

bigskygirl, I am not a doctor, but some of what you described sounds like what my husband experienced before he got diagnosed with atrial fibrillation.  It took years for him to get the answers because his symptoms wouldn't appear on command.  He exercises faithfully, eats well, and lives a quiet life, and sometimes his heartbeat just sounds like someone banging a drum at random in no particular rhythm.  I can tell when he's getting "fibby" because his face gets pale and he gets little white lines around his mouth and eyes, and even talking exhausts him.  Anyway, I hope they figure out what's going on with you.  I've always said the not knowing is the worst, but I tend to be a bottom liner.  When I know the worst-case scenario, I can deal with whatever actually happens.

[BitterApple]

If you do the whole shebang: wake, flowers, church service, burial and food afterwards, funerals can get pricey very quickly.

Edited October 30, 2015 by BitterApple

[NikSac]

BarbedWire, she sounds like she has identified what she wants, but her insisting that it would work for your kids also sounds like she wants to impose it on you without finding out what you want.

 

A lot of families split the holidays. Maybe you could say something like "that doesn't work for us. What's another holiday you'd like to spend with us? I'll have to clear it with my kids and their work schedules first, of course, and I'm not going to tell them what those schedules should be, I'm only going to operate on what they actually are. But past that, I'm open."

 

Bella this is an awesome suggestion but I can tell you that in some facets of my family/ILs it'd go over like a lead balloon (if I was lucky it'd go over that well). Fortunately most of them are willing to split the holidays up, but some are really set on "the" day. We got so fed up a few years ago that my husband and I just spent every holiday home by ourselves watching movies - not an ideal solution but I can understand how frustrating it gets. I was still 'paying' for messing up Christmas in the middle of the summer.

... and oh gosh I just caught up and saw so many people are going through a lot of stress and pain right now. I'm really sorry and my thoughts go out to all of you. Hoping for healing - physical, emotional, spiritual - for everyone.

[Joe Jitsu913]

So I like to creep on people's Facebook. People from high school. I'm not friends with them, but hey...it's Facebook. So I look at their profile pics and status updates. There's this one girl I know who's 36 weeks pregnant with her second child. She does not have custody of her first child. Her and her druggie boyfriend are begging people on Facebook for donations to their GoFundMe account for their baby. I know at one point this girl was living out of her carnand was even arrested and jailed not too long ago. Am I wrong to judge them? They blow their money in tattoos and drugs, I'm sure. I just think it's wrong to be begging for money for your baby when you and your druggie boyfriend have your priorities screwed up. Keep in mind, this chick is a "model" who has tons of wigs, jewelry, costumes etc. Why bring a baby into the mix when you claim you can't support it, and you keep getting arrested.

Edited October 30, 2015 by Joe Jitsu913

[Happyfatchick]

BigSky, I can't find my diploma that clearly states I am an MD (I printed it myself, I know it's here someplace...). However my I've spent a WHOLE BUNCH of my life over the last 10 years bringing my parents to every cardiologist appointment either of them had, and for every test, and every subsequent test. They love(d) their cardio, and I have a little crush on him myself. (Jk). I have the highest respect for him. After running all over Atlanta for test after test and doc after doc, I stole my moms regular appointment with him, and he immediately diagnosed my father with liver cancer (metastasized from God knows where - it was all over, but a huge mass in liver). In seconds, he told me what I'd been chasing after for 3 months. Daddy died 4 days later. I have this man's personal cell phone number, and he's a prominent cardiologist in Atlanta. I'm just saying: you NEED one of those. Ask your friends. Ask everybody. Anybody. FIND that doctor in your area, take him cookies! Take them flowers. Wear a purple hat with feathers for your appointment. (Or just wear the feathers, that's even better!). I can't emphasize hard enough the VALUE of knowing that the "guy" in the white coat K.N.O.W.S. you. NOT as in "you look familiar", but "ahhh, I REMEMBER you. You have a little farm, you like big dogs and ice cream, your daughter is clearly daddy's girl, and your wife made me a Christmas ornament last year".

ETA to clarify: the MD on my diploma is for Mommy Dearest.

Edited October 30, 2015 by Happyfatchick

[burlsa]

jellybeans and Skittl1321 {{{HUGS}}} You are in my thoughts.

Wok Chop, the high heart beat and blood pressure were from my echocardiogram and treadmill stress test I had in August. I was surprised when I saw how high they both were when I started on the treadmill. They both went down after I kept walking, but I was not feeling well at all. I was not happy about the other cardiologist allegedly not reading the results right, and the nurse practitioner saying I had a possible murmur. Yes, my heart looks good, but I am still have chest pain/pressure during the day and sometimes my heart feels like I am missing or skipping heart beats. Two and a half years of this going on and no answers. I agree about getting exercise, but I do not agree this will solve the problem. She was also disappointed I was only on the treadmill for six minutes. I was lucky I did not pass out because the chest pain/pressure was unbearable and my heart was pounding.

I am so sorry that you are going through this! I wish doctors could just admit that they are not sure, instead of blaming the patient. I know it was so freeing for me when my neurologist looked me in the eyes and told me he wasn't sure what is wrong with me.

And I don't want to sound silly, but have you had your lungs checked? I have asthma and I get bronchitis every fall. One year it hurt so bad in my chest, I went to the ER and said I felt like I was having a heart attack. It ended up being a very bad case of bronchitis. So I didn't know if maybe something in your lungs could be wrong.

I'm thinking about you every day, because I feel like we are going through the same situation right now.

[bigskygirl]

Before I was diagnosed with Graves Disease, I would get bronchitis at least once a year. I took a bath about a hour ago, and I noticed my heart was racing after I got out of the bathtub. Is this deconditioning? I think not. This past summer I could not go outside in the heat without feeling a little light headed, and my heart rate will be speeding up when I would be standing outside. Two and a half years of chest pressure/pain every freaking day. I also noticed my allergies are getting worse, and the chest pain and pressure increases when my allergies decide to make an appearance. I am ready for a second opinion. Crossing fingers there is a cardiologist in my home town who actually knows what he or she is doing and/or can work with other doctors in figuring out what is going on.

[CherryMalotte]

What we've done is have my mom and grandma over on Xmas Eve with any other family members that want to drop by - then Xmas Day is for the three of us.  Now I used to work retail a zillion and a half years ago and have nothing but sympathy and good will to anyone that works retail during that season, especially the week before and after.  The last couple of Xmas Days we've gone to a movie, and it's nice for our little threesome to go out and have a nice time together.  

 

I have to agree with what others have said barbedwire - if she's not willing to compromise she probably never wanted to do the holidays together at all.  Screw it, some people aren't worth the waste of time or effort, nothing you could do would probably please her anyway.  Maybe a random summer family picnic would be better, then the kids have plenty of time to schedule a Saturday or Sunday off and it could be planned far enough in advance for her.   

[theredhead77]

This summer my cousin X invited me to his daughter (my cousin Y) cousins graduation party. We're not close (I'm 16 years older) but our family is small and my parents and I would spend Thanksgiving and Passover with the three of them (X, Y and mom Z*). X used to be one of my favorite people but I got older I realized he's kinda a dick (he's about 18 years older than me) and we had a falling out over something stupid. Family dinners still happened but socializing outside of that rarely happened.

Anyway, I happened to be super busy the weekend of the party and he tried guilt trip me into attending because Y is going off to the east coast to start her life. Sorry, I have had long standing plans with friends from out of town. I'd rather see them instead of driving 2 hours (at best) to a party where I won't know anyone. I texted Y that I was sorry I was going to miss it. She didn't care (didn't expect her to care) and offered to take her out before she left. Our schedules never matched up (and neither of us put a lot of effort into it). No biggie. Our parents are more upset than we are, which I can understand. Thanksgiving should be fun. Me, my parents, X and Z. Y will be spending it with her boyfriends family so I'll get to hear how behind I am in life and have I thought about settling down. And it won't be my parents, it will be X asking me. SMH

 

* names changed to protect the innocent. Because duh.

[Abstract]

Infrequent poster here with a question. Are there any circumstances under which it would be appropriate for a teacher to single a student out for a prank? One in which the other students in the class are in on the joke? Let's say the students are ages 10-12.

[Love2dance]

Infrequent poster here with a question. Are there any circumstances under which it would be appropriate for a teacher to single a student out for a prank? One in which the other students in the class are in on the joke? Let's say the students are ages 10-12.

Credentialed teacher here.....absolutely not. Especially at that age. Details matter, of course, but I can't imagine a scenario where that would be OK.

[BitterApple]

Infrequent poster here with a question. Are there any circumstances under which it would be appropriate for a teacher to single a student out for a prank? One in which the other students in the class are in on the joke? Let's say the students are ages 10-12.

I would say no. That's an especially tough age for a kid to be made the butt of a joke, even if there were no ill intentions.

[ChiCricket]

Funerals do not have to cost that much. I know because I lost my daughter. Cremated her when she died and buried her six years later. That, was a choice. $10k is a lot for a funeral!

I. agree ,and I should have been more clear. Some of the money was for funeral expenses, and the remainder was to go towards some of her medical bills not covered by insurance. But they didn't see any of it for anything anyway.

Just my opinion, but I think funeral companies are massive rip offs, who play on people's emotions to squeeze more money out of people who are grieving and can't think straight.

[amitville]

Jellybeans- An idea to recognize your daughter's birthday.

 

Pick something that she loved. and share it to help others.

(Purchase and donate a favorite food (pasta, soup) of hers to a food bank, a favorite comfort item (plush socks, fleece throw, hand cream) to a local shelter... something along those lines)

 

It will be helpful to you as well as the lucky recipients!

Love this idea.  I think i will use it going forward.  Big Thank you

Edited October 30, 2015 by amitville

[Jynnan tonnix]

Funerals CAN cost a great deal, though...Personally, I just want to be cremated and scattered somewhere when I go. I don't much see the point of a formal plot with a headstone. I've been lucky enough never to have lost someone really close, but then again I have few relatives I know very well...my paternal grandparents died before I was born and maternal grandparents lived in Poland. Uncles and aunts lived in England...I knew them, but not all that well. I lost one cousin this year (in England) whom I had only met a handful of times. My parents, husband and kids are (thankfully) all still alive. No siblings. At any rate, there's no one that I miss enough where I can imagine I'd feel much consolation from visiting a spot where I know they are right underground. Maybe that's just me, but it feels a bit creepy. I'd much rather remember someone as they were. My parents have funeral plots waiting for them (Dad points them out everytime we drive past). We did lose my father-in-law earlier this year, but though I liked him well enough, I was never what you would call close to him. For that matter, neither were most of his kids. He was just that sort of person. His funeral was very low-key, and casket nowhere near top of the line, but it still ended up costing over $7,000 (which his life insurance about covered), not counting the headstone, which the family chipped in on.

[NextIteration]

Infrequent poster here with a question. Are there any circumstances under which it would be appropriate for a teacher to single a student out for a prank? One in which the other students in the class are in on the joke? Let's say the students are ages 10-12.

 

Never.

 

More FFHUGS for JellyBeans, Skittl and BigSkyGirl! ♥

 

Mom had her angiogram yesterday, no repairs necessary.  Phew.  That's one relief.  "Mr. Boss" cardiologist is hot as heck and totally crushable, so that's another point in his yes column. ;)

 

Thoughts about religion, as long as you aren't trying to proselytize to me or interfere with the separation of church and state, we're good.  I actually admire people of great faith and devoutness.  My mom was funny the other day - she said "your head is going to explode", I asked her why and she responded that she'd requested to have a priest come bless her.  I laughed and said "no Mom, that doesn't make my head explode, but it does tell me that you really like Pope Francis!"  She had to agree that I'd hit upon the crux of it, but I know it's also because she was very afraid about dying.

Edited October 31, 2015 by NextIteration

[Jellybeans]

I. agree ,and I should have been more clear. Some of the money was for funeral expenses, and the remainder was to go towards some of her medical bills not covered by insurance. But they didn't see any of it for anything anyway.

Just my opinion, but I think funeral companies are massive rip offs, who play on people's emotions to squeeze more money out of people who are grieving and can't think straight.

Well, legally no one is responsible for a deceased person's bills unless they are married. My daughter's hospital bill was almost a million... bill written off since she had no insurance. Same for all her bills. I wrote deceased on all bills (unopened) and never heard from them again.

Everyone makes choices about funerals. I had her cremated, and had her service at my mom's home. Flowers, who has time for that when you have spent almost two weeks in MICU.

When I finally buried her, I invited the guests to my home for Pizza because it was her favorite food. I don't like funeral wreaths. They are too funeral-ish. So I brought daisies for her headstone...

I was offered a 10k type package but it is again, a choice. Spent only $750 on her cremation and put her in a cardboard box because I had a prettier box at home. No urns for me. I know my daughter would have kicked my butt if I had spent that much on her funeral(s) but I do understand some people have different preferences and respect it. My grandmother's probably cost that much, only because one of her children is anti-cremation. We honored her request.

I hate how funeral homes now put everything on a TV screen..."Select Package A or B" as if it were a shopping cart.

Every year I usually get Starbuck cards and go downtown and try to find down on their luck peeps and give them a gift card... it is cold here and they can at least get a hot drink and sandwich.

This year, I don't know because I am feeling very depressed. :-( I just want my daughter.

[Tabbygirl521]

I am so sorry, Jellybeans. Words just aren't enough but my heart hurts for you.

[bigskygirl]

{{{HUGS}}} Jellybeans

[Happyfatchick]

Infrequent poster here with a question. Are there any circumstances under which it would be appropriate for a teacher to single a student out for a prank? One in which the other students in the class are in on the joke?]

I disagree with the other posts about this, and I hardly ever disagree with Love2dance (sorry, hon). I think if it wasn't done in a mean spirited way and didn't hurt anyone, and it caused a moment of great levity in a routine (probably dullish) school day... if there was no harm involved, then the kids will be talking about it for days, and they will remember it always. It sounds a little like it was YOUR child who was the butt of the prank. Your baby who got "punked", and it has to look different through your eyes if that's the case.

I have that personality - and if I taught children at school, I would "mess" with them all the time. There would be solid teaching moments when I would require seriousness. But there would be times when I punked, or participated in a prank because it would be important for ME for the children to see that side of me. To know I'm not always serious.

I'm just advocating (very gently) that if it was funny, and it gave the kids a moment of separation from routine, and they settled right back into the day...then I hope the teacher isn't reprimanded for letting the kids see that side of their life.

My one set of grand's attend public school. We are a small community, and rural, and we get to know the teachers. The older grand had a teacher a couple years ago who has a quirky personality. LOOOOVED her. The younger grand has her this year, and we are thrilled. She has a daughter in college, who is scheduled in for regular visits (to help with specific events). The children LOVE it that they know the daughter. Her husband is also well known in their classroom, and for helping at events. She often sprinkles home stories into her teaching. She can be stern, and is well respected. When my grandson won the spelling championship for the school a few years back, she CRIED when he returned back to the classroom, and stopped her lesson to have a mini celebration that very second. And yes, she plays pranks on those kids. She demands their highest work and nothing less, and those children will climb the brick walls and jump if she says they need to do it. She uses her personality and her quirks to teach, and they ADORE her for it. And I'll say this - she's been teaching for many many years, so some of her "littles" are now bigs and married. My DIL is one of those. She was my DIL's FAVORITE teacher of all time. We had a family shower for her last weekend, and the teacher knew it and brought a nice gift and left it for her.

So yes, I'm advocating for the teacher on this one, and hoping she didn't get in trouble for taking a moment to laugh. And I hope (IF IT WASNT HARMFUL) that your son/daughter can see the humor and shrug it off. But you asked a short question and I lobbied hard for the other side.

[Lemur]

Infrequent poster here with a question. Are there any circumstances under which it would be appropriate for a teacher to single a student out for a prank? One in which the other students in the class are in on the joke? Let's say the students are ages 10-12.

I would say it depends entirely on the student who is being pranked.

 

I was in a very similar situation in seventh grade, had a great relationship with the teacher, and totally loved being the dead center of attention (y'all are shocked, right?) so the whole class pranked me with a roll-down map with a picture of a clown inside of it (I effing hate clowns).  Yes, it scared me.  Yes, I laughed like a loon two minutes later.  It was no harm, no foul.  

 

But like I said, it depends so on the kid and the teacher. 

Edited October 30, 2015 by Lemur

[amitville]

Well, legally no one is responsible for a deceased person's bills unless they are married. My daughter's hospital bill was almost a million... bill written off since she had no insurance. Same for all her bills. I wrote deceased on all bills (unopened) and never heard from them again.

Everyone makes choices about funerals. I had her cremated, and had her service at my mom's home. Flowers, who has time for that when you have spent almost two weeks in MICU.

When I finally buried her, I invited the guests to my home for Pizza because it was her favorite food. I don't like funeral wreaths. They are too funeral-ish. So I brought daisies for her headstone...

I was offered a 10k type package but it is again, a choice. Spent only $750 on her cremation and put her in a cardboard box because I had a prettier box at home. No urns for me. I know my daughter would have kicked my butt if I had spent that much on her funeral(s) but I do understand some people have different preferences and respect it. My grandmother's probably cost that much, only because one of her children is anti-cremation. We honored her request.

I hate how funeral homes now put everything on a TV screen..."Select Package A or B" as if it were a shopping cart.

Every year I usually get Starbuck cards and go downtown and try to find down on their luck peeps and give them a gift card... it is cold here and they can at least get a hot drink and sandwich.

This year, I don't know because I am feeling very depressed. :-( I just want my daughter.

My heart hurts for you, I have no magic beans or fair dust  but i can say you are important to me and the ladies/gents on this thread.  

Edited October 30, 2015 by amitville

[Happyfatchick]

Honest opinions please!

 

My sister-in-law ("Anne") likes to get things done early.  She is from a big fundy-lite family. 

 

In the past 20+ years, we have gotten together with them on Christmas Day and she gets together with her family on Christmas Eve.  Works out especially when my 2 kids got jobs in retail.  They have major holidays off when the stores are closed but other days are a crap shoot if they will work or  not.

 

How would you feel if this was said to you?  I really feel like last place in their lives.

It is VERY hard when traditions (especially 20+ yrs worth!) change. We don't like to be messed with in traditional things. I'm know I don't. That's the way we DO it. And it's so SAD when things change. I can tell your children are at the age when you're about to deal with adaptability. I remember when mine got old enough to work, and working in traditions around their availability could be a nightmare. Then they get married and you have to work around the new spouse's family traditions as well. At some point, you may actually drop off the whole idea of needing to "touch" the brother and SIL at Christmas. We did that. It's just so HARD to loosen your grip on those traditions, but we did. We are all together for Thanksgiving, all under one roof. And we mingle all the time because we all live so close. And we still have some sort of gathering with all of us, but it's just "around" Christmas. There may or may not be decorations still in place.

Also, we're all pretty outspoken about our need to be ourselves in this group. But "me" being myself doesn't necessarily mean the tide will always go with me. It sounds like your SIL had one of those exact moments. When she said I'M SPENDING CHRISTMAS AT MY NEW LAKE CABIN THIS YEAR!!!!! (Insert stamping feet). Well, of COURSE she wants to do that. She wants to do all that decorating there that she envisioned the very first time they walked through it. Maybe though... Just maybe they'll be a little lonely and feel a little isolated. And maybe next year they'll realize they do have to compromise a little.

Meanwhile, my OWN family has (for years now) switched to celebrating on Christmas Eve. We do a big brunch and it spills over into afternoon and we LOVE it. This leaves Christmas Day wide open for me and the hubs. We open our little gifts and then LOTS of nothing happens ALLLLLLLLLLLL day long. Sometimes we go to Waffle House. I hate it, it's lonely and quiet and I'm not ever prepared for that, mentally. So. Since I have the day free, I'ma need you to send me the address for the lake cabin so I can go crash their party.

[Happyfatchick]

I would say it depends entirely on the student who is being pranked.  

But like I said, it depends so on the kid and the teacher.

EXACTLY!!! I left that most important detail out of my post, and I apologize. I got so windy about the teacher I forgot to add that thought. I mean, the teacher can't go around playing jokes on the shyest kid, or the emotional one. Not cool. But clown in a map for the class clown - that's just funny right there, I don't care who you are.

Monkeys. Monkeys are my clowns.

[frenchtoast]

In general I vehemently dislike pranks because their sole purpose is to embarrass someone, be they adult or child. It's something that I've stressed to my kids to be kind and understanding and that pranking someone is basically the opposite of that. It's putting your enjoyment and hilarity above the feelings of someone else, that you derive pleasure from someone else's discomfort and I can't abide that. 

 

So I would fall on the it is never, ever ok to prank a child. Ever. 

[Fuzzysox]

While watching the news this morning a story came on about a girl that was sent home because her skirt was too short. So I didn't see the whole story I looked it up and thought it was a Halloween JOKE since the girl looks like MEchelle!

 

Thoughts?

 

http://wgntv.com/2015/10/30/student-body-president-says-she-was-shamed-suspended-over-this-skirt/

[latetotheparty]

While watching the news this morning a story came on about a girl that was sent home because her skirt was too short. So I didn't see the whole story I looked it up and thought it was a Halloween JOKE since the girl looks like MEchelle!

 

Thoughts?

 

Nah, her eyes aren't dead enough.

[emma675]

I haaate pranks, so I fall on the side of it is never okay for someone in a position of authority to prank a kid.

 

bigskygirl, when is the last time you did a full set of thyroid labs (and I'm talking Free T3, Free T4, antibodies, etc.)? Because when mine are off (hyper or hypo), I get similar symptoms to yours. I also one popped the cartilage off of one of my ribs on the left side and apparently once you do that one time, it's super easy for it to pop off again. And it hurts like a sonuvabitch. I thought I was having a heart attack the first time it happened.

[Love2dance]

I disagree with the other posts about this, and I hardly ever disagree with Love2dance (sorry, hon.

Awww, it's OK HAPPYFATCHICK. I'm super sensitive and always am worried about any little one being uncomfortable. But you can be my teacher anytime!

Edited October 30, 2015 by Love2dance

[springtime]

I hate how funeral homes now put everything on a TV screen..."Select Package A or B" as if it were a shopping cart.

Every year I usually get Starbuck cards and go downtown and try to find down on their luck peeps and give them a gift card... it is cold here and they can at least get a hot drink and sandwich.

This year, I don't know because I am feeling very depressed. :-( I just want my daughter.

First of all {{{HUGS}}} and please know (and remind yourself) that you will feel better in time.

 

A small funeral home in our area uses a speaker system to announce "the memorial service has now ended" Reminds me of an amusement park "please wait til the ride comes to a complete stop"

It would be nice to have a person announce it!

 

If you still would like to do the Starbucks donation (but don't have the energy/ desire to go track folks down) I'm sure there would be a local agency to handle the distribution for you.

Keep things simple!

[bigskygirl]

I haaate pranks, so I fall on the side of it is never okay for someone in a position of authority to prank a kid.

 

bigskygirl, when is the last time you did a full set of thyroid labs (and I'm talking Free T3, Free T4, antibodies, etc.)? Because when mine are off (hyper or hypo), I get similar symptoms to yours. I also one popped the cartilage off of one of my ribs on the left side and apparently once you do that one time, it's super easy for it to pop off again. And it hurts like a sonuvabitch. I thought I was having a heart attack the first time it happened.

When the Graves Disease came back three years ago, I remembered feeling my heart pumping, but I do not remember having the symptoms I have now. The symptoms started a few weeks after I started the thyroid medication I am on (started six weeks after the treatment.) Yes, Graves Disease is not a fun illness to have, but I do not ever remember being this sick and miserable.

[Happyfatchick]

Almost any situation you put me in has a hint of humor in it somewhere. (Haven't found that spark concerning Nicaragua yet...). We like to say in our family that "sarcasm IS a dialect". We're almost completely about the bright side. My Daddy wasn't, and so he found himself on the wrong side of the pranks and sarcasm at our house. I spoke at his funeral and actually did a parody of his snoring (he was an Olympic gold medalist in that sport).

But you know what I REEEEEEEEEEALLY hate? I hate, loathe and despise when some "brilliant" parent thinks up some cool and totally shameful way to displine their child and then POSTS it on FB. Are you KIDDING me????? That.Is.So?Wrong!!! Congratulations, you thought of a way to get your kid's attention. PLENTY of people are going to hear about it (usually those kinds of punishments are public). But really, do you have to post it on FB??? I know, the public discipline is bad, but that posting thing makes my hair fall out.

[emma675]

bigskygirl, I'll pm you so this doesn't turn into a thyroid thread, lol