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Tara Ariano

S01.E03: Episode 3

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An overnight date?  How fancy.

 

Unlike some commenters here I actually like that the people on this show don't "do" anything other than sit around and drink with an occasional dip in the ocean or horseback ride.  It's not an exotic adventure; it's just folks hanging out and generating drama for the cameras.  People watch the Bachelor shows more for the relationships - real or fake - than for the helicopter rides and expensive lodgings.

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People watch the Bachelor shows more for the relationships - real or fake - than for the helicopter rides and expensive lodgings.

While this is true that I watch these shows for relationships as well, this show doesn't really display any type of relationship to me.  It's just a bunch of people being forced to hook up. 

 

 

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We've got a stage 5 clinger alert, Elise is now hanging on to douchebag Chris for dear life after the rose ceremony. Wonder if Jamie the nurse is watching? I have a feeling Chris B is going to pull what he did to her (on Bachelor Pad) on Elise.

 

Move over Michelle Money, I think Marquel will go after Danielle.

Edited by Armchair Critic
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Wow Marquel, way to go from incredibly bland & boring to panic stricken....*LOL*  I'll say it again, he's a complete dud.

 

I hope all the ladies are tipping Michelle for all the hair care.  Looks like a working vacation for her.  But at least she gets clued into all the fresh gossip from the other ladies!

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Makes sense. She's obviously got some skills, cause the girls look MUCH better when she's done with them.

 

Elise: "I was so glad to see me & Chris' name on that date card. They look so good together" 

Chris: "My knee hurts"

*ROFL*

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I find it interesting that Elise hasn't yet mentioned Chris B's knee injury -- not even a "I knew it was love when you pushed through the pain of your torn meniscus to be with me" -- but maybe she just knew he was lining up an excuse not to carry her up the cobblestone stairs

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In fairness, I don't think Graham played any role in picking anyone. AshLee's mind had already married him and given birth to their two children before he even shook her hand.

 

I seriously can't with her voice. Stop.

 

Oh good grief, Elise! I see Dylan is but a distant memory and now Chris is her "forever" man. Where's the crazy music?

His not-so-subtle subtext is hilarious:

"We had a really great date... She was really excited."

"This injury really puts a damper on my ability to partake in all that paradise has to offer"

Hahaha, can't imagine what you're referring to, Chris.

Edited by Stella MD
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I missed the first hour of the show, so when Elise was beaming about her amazing night and then Chris said he can't walk and it's still throbbing...WHOA!! But then they showed his leg. Lol!

Marquel telling Jackie he normally doesn't kiss on the first date--how adorable!!! <3 I missed his date with Danielle. Seems like it didn't go as well from his perspective.

Edited by JenE4
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As said on the other thread, Elise likes somebody who can't run away...

 

I was thinking of exactly that when she said "this is the moment I came here for."  Um...the moment some poor guy is crippled and can't get away from you?  She seems downright giddy that Chris is hurt.  

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Hahahaaaa, sorry to the Michelle fans but it makes me laugh that after her scheming she didn't get picked. So happy that Robert chose Sad Sack Sarah.

 

Damn! Michelle lives for another week.

 

Cue the deranged clown music as douchebag and nutcase ride off into the sunset... ah true love.

Edited by Armchair Critic
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Uh, Chris, you do realize that by asking Elise to go with you that she thinks you mean to the grave, right? She's gonna be harder to dump than your own shadow.

What the hell was that preview? AshLee runs off into the forest and... cuts herself? Did they just empty a psych ward when casting these people??

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Wow. That was a surprise ending. Granted, I missed Chris and Elise's date, so last I saw she was marrying Dylan whether he liked it or not. But I truly thought douchebag Chris was going to pull an asshole move and humiliate Elise so he could move on to his next victim, but not only was he sweet to Elise, but to Michelle as well! He must be on some heavy-duty painkillers! BTW, what happened to his leg anyway?

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I missed the first hour of the show, so when Elise was beaming about her amazing night and then Chris said he can't walk and it's still throbbing...WHOA!! But then they showed his leg. Lol!

 

My thought too, JenE4! I was fairly well entertained by this second hour, so I've set things up to catch the first hour at 11:00. Of course, Ashlee's crazy episodes next week look to be even better!

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I grew some respect for Graham that he just didn't jump into the sack by sharing a room with Ashlee. Then again maybe that was self preservation.

Unlike Chris, I usually don't listen this much, let's get down to business. Douche. I give him no credit for saving Michelle. That was producer manipulation.

And Marquel? When he said he never kisses on the first date but now he's going to go for it, my eyeballs rolled so far back in my head, they were stuck for a minute.

This week was lame. Bring on the crazy drama next week!

Edited by TiredMe
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Elise is tacky.  Her clothes.  Her personality.  Just tacky.

 

And, Graham?  Terrible dancer. And what was with AshLee and her 'dancing'?  She just kind of shimmied her ass for a few seconds.  Strange.

 

Claire didn't seem to have too much screen time tonight.  But, I would LOVE for her to be the next Bachelorette.  That is, if things don't work out with Zack.

Edited by woodscommaelle
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imo, many of the guys (other than Chris B) are attractive and I feel sorry for them to be stuck in "paradise" with such a sad crop of women--some of them are downright ugly in my eyes, and when you add in whiny voices and immature, delusional thinking...but yeah, it's going all according to script so I'm just in it for the cheesy entertainment. I use that word loosely.

 

At the beginning of the episode, Sarah's voice made me think of the androgynous Pat character from SNL many years ago. Damn Robert for keeping her on, I find her poor-me attitude curious and maddening. Work has put me in contact with people of various disfigurements and abilities who don't have such low opinions of themselves as Sarah has expressed, having half a limb--perhaps she'd gain a better perspective and disposition if she hung out more with, for example, amputees than Bachelor alumni (if she indeed feels like an outcast because of her arm). She was pretty confident, however, in giving Elise dating advice, ha.

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I'm truly going to miss Elise.  If only there could be a spinoff show of her chasing Chris around Chicago, trying to get into his locked apartment, calling his mother just to chat about wedding plans.  The finale episode would be Chris filing a restraining order against her, so Elise decides to go see what Dylan's been up to since Paradise, setting up Season 2.

 

How strange that Ashlee and Graham are considered a couple, and have been there for 2 weeks supposedly as a couple, but had not kissed yet.  And then to end the date by walking off in separate directions...I know they had keys to two different rooms, but were the rooms in different hotels?

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Not sure why AshLee was lamenting the lack of a date in three weeks for her...seems they all get plenty of hanging-out time together, which would allow great opportunity to get close to Graham. Unlike AshLee, I haven't followed Graham on Instagram and don't know much of him beyond the franchise, so I'm guessing maybe he opted for separate hotel rooms so as not to inflame the crazy, more than being a Southern gentleman? idk 

 

Whereas Marquel and Jackie profess they don't kiss on the first date...and proceed to kiss on the first date. And no little peck, at that. Mayan ruins have that effect.

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Elise is tacky.  Her clothes.  Her personality.  Just tacky.

 

 

Are you referring to that elegant, fashionable green sequin bikini that she got for half price after St. Patrick's day? 

 

I'm trying to figure out who is crazier -  Elise for being so happy that Chris is injured, so she can take care of him forever?   Or Clare for thinking a turtle laying eggs is a sign that her dad approves of her and Zach? 

Edited by backformore
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I was flipping back and forth between live coverage of the protests in Ferguson and BP. My flips to BP got briefer and briefer as the inanities and stupidity, especially of the women, got worse and worse compared to the real life drama unfolding in the suburbs of StL.

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This show just gets better and better every week!  Just when I think that the craziness can't increase any further.... they prove me wrong!

 

Marquel is getting on my nerves now, and I say that as someone who used to be a huge fan of his.  He doesn't seem to be able to settle down and say no to anyone.  Maybe that's why he's still single.  I may start to believe those who say he's just a player.

 

Michelle can just shut up now.  She thinks that she is the queen of BiP.  Sorry, you're not.  You're fake and annoying.  Please stop talking forever.  Maybe go home and, I don't know, spend some time with this kid that you profess to love.

 

When Graham said that Ashlee was way ahead of him - dude you have no idea.  She's already got the two of you married off with kids.  She knows where you're going to live, what schools your kids will go to, and what you're doing for the next 527 weekends.  Bitch is crazy!  Run, run away!!

 

Man, call me an old romantic, but I think that Crazy Elise and Slutty Chris might just make it!  Maybe these two bimbos just needed to find each other to create that perfect relationship of idiocy.  I'm 80-40 on it.

 

Hate Jackie.  Hated her on whatever season she was in and she still annoys me now.  She's a smirker and I just want to punch her in the face.

 

Can't wait for more insanity next week.  A double dose!!

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I'm not at all surprised that Robert chose Sarah -Michelle looked like the reanimated corpse of Joan Crawford at that rose ceremony. Step away from the vat of smoky eyeshadow when you're already sweating and listless, honey. Sarah looked thirty years younger. And honestly, while Sarah's self-esteem is nothing to write home about, Michelle's is arguably even worse, plus she's a blubbering emotional fool at the drop of a hat. Chris' forced nonsense was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to her and warranted that many tears? Ooo-kay

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Man, call me an old romantic, but I think that Crazy Elise and Slutty Chris might just make it!

I'm strangely happy for them, too. I remember Chris's hometown date and his family is one big, rowdy, Polish group of happy dancers. They seemed like so much fun, it's possible they will embrace Elyse and she will finally feel secure enough to settle down. Please let us see the big tacky wedding, CBS!

I felt sorry for Danielle and I'm going to feel sorry for AshLee next week but both of them went on the show with one particular guy in mind and that's taking a huge chance. They should have learned in middle school that the boys you like don't always like you back.

Jackie better not get too comfy, Marc-Hell might have a list of faults for her to work on next week.

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Perfect ending for Elise.  She "got her man", she gets to leave "paradise" without having been booted and she doesn't have to listen to Sarah's "advice" anymore.  Of course, I'm betting Chris filed that restraining order once their plane got back to the US. 

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How on earth did they manage to sign up this many crazies for this show? Kudos, producers, kudos!

 

Clare, I don't think that turtle is your dad. Lay off the booze.

I didn't realize her dad died 10 years ago. I thought it was like 2 with the way she kept going on about it during JP's season. But I can't help but like her for some reason. Too bad Zack doesn't seem nearly as enthusiastic about their relationship.

 

Oh AshLee... You need a date to get a kiss after spending all that time together and he runs off to his single room after? He's just not that into you. His face, when she brought up Instagram? Priceless! Can't wait to see what she gets up to next week.

 

Elise is insane. Chris is no rainbow. I hope they're filming that reunion show, because I really wanna hear how that story ended. If it's still continuing, I might just have to eat my hat. Chris really needs to stop moving altogether, he's clearly a hazard to himself.

 

Michelle is just pathetic. As if Robert wants anything to do with someone that desperate. She makes Sarah seem like a ray of sunshine. Was she really drunk again or why was she so emotional about getting that pity rose? Sheesh.

 

Marquel is suddenly in hot demand? Well that's a change of pace. I was also cringing at the "I usually don't kiss on the first date" "Omg, I don't either!" exchange. Just go with it, you awkward nerds. Jackie is really cute, but there's some underlying bitchiness there. She's so matter of fact.

 

Glad we didn't have to suffer through Lacy's annoying voice too much. She looks really rough in the morning.

 

I wish they'd all stick to the same timeline for this show. From what I hear the filming lasted like 3 weeks in total, yet they keep saying it's been 3 weeks now, then another person says 2 weeks, then a third person says Chris and Elise have known each other for 2 days... Just make up a timeline and stick to it!

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I think they're conditioned to refer to 1 rose ceremony/week on the regular show, and I wonder if they didn't get clear instructions on this one.  That would go along with the whole half-assed vibe that's been mentioned in one of the earlier show threads (that I guess RS referred to).

 

That producer with the giant beard in the credits sequence is Elan Gale; Michelle tweets with him quite a bit.  Also, I don't see much about Chris and Elise having continued their "relationship" on their social media; if I had to put Chris "with" someone from the Bachelor Family, it would look more like Jaclyn Swartz from Ben's season who seems to be on his Instagram a lot.  (No, I don't follow any of these people... the only Bachelor person I follow is my fellow Mainer Ashley Rosenbaum.)

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Marquel is getting on my nerves now, and I say that as someone who used to be a huge fan of his.  He doesn't seem to be able to settle down and say no to anyone.  Maybe that's why he's still single.  I may start to believe those who say he's just a player.

 

I don't have any problem with how Marquel is working the program here.  This is what this show is supposed to be about - it's like a buffet, unfortunately.  If you only try one or two things on it, you're not going to find out what you really like.

 

Marquel is a nice guy with a great personality and he doesn't come off all full of himself as some of the guys on this franchise have done in the past.  He's trying everything out that comes along to him.  He had a nice time with Danielle, but had a better time with Jackie.  I don't hold that against him.

 

Some of the women have latched on to one guy and get mad when that one guy wants to try someone else.  It's not the point of the show.  Marquel is doing it right.

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I agree that Marquel has every right to go on as many dates with as many women as he wishes. There's really no point settling down after one date with someone you barely know. Clearly it was a good decision to go on a date with Jackie, since he ended up liking her more than Danielle.

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I'm not at all surprised that Robert chose Sarah

Me neither, not after the "let's not talk about the drama, let's just relax" "well I want to talk about it" with the tone of a scorned wife who found her husband's secret text messages. You could see the moment where he checked out of that relationship possibility. Michelle is also ridiculous with 12 hours after giving Marquel a rose, saying she was over him. Maybe you did have a bit too much to drink then? 

 

Elise is just insane. No way around it. Calling Chris a gentleman when all he did was complain about his knee and then "let's just do it" as in, go back to the suite. I can't remember who it was, but I loved the girl pointing out in the interview "it's been a day. Two days? How long? Day before yesterday?"

 

I agree about Marquel. I don't like him, but when Michelle was like "he is really into seeing his options" I was like, oh no, how dare he be into dating on a dating show. What a bastard. 

Edited by weightyghost
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I agree about Marquel. I don't like him, but when Michelle was like "he is really into seeing his options" I was like, oh no, how dare he be into dating on a dating show. What a bastard.

Exactly! Plus, he was asked on both those dates - was he supposed to tell Jackie "I'm sorry, I've already had my one allotted date, please pick someone else?" Michelle is such an idiot. I also love that she criticized him ten seconds after she bailed on him to randomly target Robert. 

 

Though I thought it was a little sad that Jackie apparently only picked him because he was standing by himself, and that both she and Zach were interested in each other but she didn't go for the guy she really wanted because he had a Claire visibly hanging off of him.

 

I do feel a bit bad for Danielle, though. Somehow she doesn't seem in the same category as AshLee (and not just because she's not batshit certifiable). It's not really her fault that she liked an unattached guy and then someone else came in and asked him out just because she hadn't peed all over him to mark her territory, and then they happened to hit it off. I almost wish they would implement the Paradise Hotel rule that none of the newbies can be voted out during their first rose ceremony, but I guess that would interfere with the alleged purpose of allowing people to find love (eyeroll).

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The relationship I'm enjoying seeing is Graham & Michelle. They seem to actually care about each other & talk things through together. I keep waiting for Ashlee to go nuts & threaten to beat Michelle with her curling irons.

I hate that Elise & Chris went riding off into the sequined sunset. Her brand of crazy & his total douchery could have made for some wonderful entertainment. Dang Chris, couldn't you have just stayed in one spot & stayed safe? You have to know Elise would find you. No. Matter. What.

Sarah is getting harder to watch with her poor me speeches. I prefer her narration of the events. If she is so unhappy in these situations why did she agree to go on this show? Stupid question. I don't for a moment believe anyone is on this for right reasons really, but they sure love to throw that phrase around.

I'm enjoying the complete crazy stupidity of this show. I find it more entertaining than the actual bachelor/ette versions of late. I think, in part, it's because there aren't 25 people lusting after one potential. I like the interactions of multiple possibilities. And the extra crazy available. That is magnificent. If they have a BiP2 I hope they dig deep into the crazy file & mix it up with some 2nd & 3rd tier pretty.

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And, Graham?  Terrible dancer. And what was with AshLee and her 'dancing'?  She just kind of shimmied her ass for a few seconds.  Strange.

 

 

And don't forget the producers deciding to show us extended moments of just a close up of her ass shimmying.

 

Graham is definitely not that into her.  I think he feels like he has to play the "nice guy" on camera, so he's not going to ditch her and go after another woman (and it doesn't seem that any of the others really interest him, anyway), but he's smart enough to not get in deeper.  It was a bit off-putting that he basically told the cameras "yep, she totally wants it, but she's not getting any."  

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I wanted Jackie or Danielle to pick Graham for their first date.  I just wanted to see AshLee's reaction. 

 

Elise must have gone shopping with Big Brother Rachel.  The green sequins on that swimsuit gave me Rachel flashbacks.

 

The bachelors have to start wondering if they are in Paradise or in a pool of delusional desperate women.

 

Why do these women immediately grasp onto a guy and then feel ownership of him?  Too bad they were not forced to go on different dates similar to speed dating.  I would like to see some of the different hookups that could occur.  Once they hookup for good they should be forced to leave Paradise like Chris & Elise did. 

 

Sarah and Michelle both need to realize they are allowed to find men to date that have never been on the Bachelor franchise.  They are both coming off as desperate like this is their last chance at a relationship. 

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I want to see them do a switch up.  Every couple of days, every hour or two a horn blows and everyone has to move to a new partner/group.  Have two different horns.  When one horn blows, the men stay put and the women move to another location.  The next horn that blows has the men choosing where to go.  Just to make things fun, no couple can keep choosing each other one after the other, you've got to keep moving on until sunset, when everyone is free to move around at will.

 

And give them more to do!  An area for card games.  A group hike.  A cooking lesson.  Lots of ways to either bond with people or not, but you're all doing something.

Edited by Zahdii
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Every time the contestants go visit these beautiful ruins, all I can think is: Where in God's name are the tourists?? From what I've read online, the ruins in Tulum are extremely popular, but they are totally empty when there's a date. How did they manage THAT?

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When Claire was talking about the turtle, and she just said 'turrrrrrrrrrrrrrtle.'  Too cute. I may have rewound 4 times!

I wish I liked her this much on Juan Pablo's season.  I just find her so endearing.  And so pretty!

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Whoa, I agree that Lacy and Michelle look super rough in the morning, and this is from someone else who does, too. Both of them look best, to me, when they wear some makeup but not turned up to full-on circus clown for rose ceremonies.

 

I found it funny that every. single. date. went to the same place. I guess their planes were passing each other, coming and going.

 

Yeah, I don't get how some of the females just laid claim to particular guys and that was it. They are stuck together forever. From what Graham was telling Michelle during their walk on the beach, he's got it figured out and just biding his time until he gets to leave "paradise." And I'm not one who has ever thought AshLee was pretty, granted she has a slamming body, but her face is squished and she has a crossed eye, not even counting all the crazy eyes she throws at everyone. Does she wear false top eyelashes? Is that why they looked gloppy and stuck together in clumps? Graham needs to be set free from that crazy...

 

I feel like I missed a LOT of the Chris/Elise thing for him to ask her to leave with him. I totally thought his expressions (while with her) showed he could care less about her and only saw her as a way to stay on the show longer, so he could hook up with all the women. I need to not think so much about this, it's not like that is real life or anything. lol

 

To repeat: Zack who? I have no recollection of him whatsoever.

 

I would like to see Zahdii's plan put into action. Anything to force switch-ups and keep the crazy at an all time high.

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Michelle looked like the reanimated corpse of Joan Crawford at that rose ceremony.

ROFL

 

I can't remember for sure but I believe it was AshLee saying (more than once) that she and Graham were going to have "hot" babies.  Who refers to their baby as "hot?"  Couldn't she just say "cute," or "adorable?"

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I found it funny that every. single. date. went to the same place. I guess their planes were passing each other, coming and going.

IKR!  This is the only place worth visiting in Mexico is Campeche.

 

I used to like Marquel but he is starting to work my nerves.  Michelle M isn't really my favorite person but I do think he is a bit 2 faced the way her treated her first with the drinking comment & then with the way he simply went out with Danielle without an explanation or apology to Michelle M. and then with Jacklyn and that whole I don't kiss on the first date so let's kiss.  He seems to enjoy giving off the impression that he is so righteous and I don't do this that or the other.  At least Chris B. owns his sleaziness. 

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Every time the contestants go visit these beautiful ruins, all I can think is: Where in God's name are the tourists?? From what I've read online, the ruins in Tulum are extremely popular, but they are totally empty when there's a date. How did they manage THAT?

 

I've been to Tulum and specifically to the place where Robert and Clare had a date (ep one?). When I went, there were lots of people so they must shut these places down for a time while filming.

Edited by Weird-doe

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