S05.E07: Never Have I Ever

[1011101010001]

Jasmine leaves Gino home and parties with a stripper; Kim and Usman clash over sleeping arrangements; Memphis is angry at Hamza's immaturity; Mike's habits gross out Ximena; Ben gets bad news from Mahogany; Alina reveals something she's been hiding.
 

Airs 01/23/22

[Frozendiva]

Thank you for the discussion thread!

So Jasmine goes to a party sans Gino. Her *divorce* party, complete with a male stripper. At least she has decent footwear. The party also got her drunk and trash talking Gino a bit. He will eventually see the footage and the male stripper's naked butt. Well, the show covered it for the viewer. It did go on a little too long for my liking.

Kimbaaaaly is running out of time to see if Usman is boyfriend and/or husband material. He is not too keen on moving in to her hotel room. He likes his own space. Don't blame him. They did go to a nice historical town and I enjoyed that and the market. He did mention her MJ obsession, even down to the hat she picked out for him.

Hamza is complaining that Memphis nags too much. Uh, she wants to get the paperwork done for the marriage, and she is also running out of time. Two weeks go by fast. His friend forgot his car insurance info at home and can't drive them. And Memphis does not do the bus. Yep, a marriage that may last 6 months to a year.

[magemaud]

12 hours ago, Frozendiva said:

So Jasmine goes to a party sans Gino. Her *divorce* party, complete with a male stripper.

Before the stripper got there, that had to be the lamest divorce party ever. Five people, all dressed up, sitting around a spartan hotel room drinking wine and  discussing Jasmine and “Yeeno’s” sex life without a bit of food in sight! 

I can’t wait until Gino sees the video without Jasmine’s crotch shots and the stripper’s butt blurred out. 

 

 

 

Edited January 22, 2022 by magemaud
Corrected typo that looked like Memphis was speaking to Hamza

[greekmom]

Thank you @MrBuhBye for setting up the chat forum.

I have been busy binging on the Americans and forgot the day. Seriously never saw the show when it originally aired and OMG. I am already on season 5.

Onto this dumpster fire.

Don't care about Gino/Jasmine.

Hazma is probably regretting Memphis coming over.  She's a bossy little see you next tuesday - huh?

Usman - sorry man, but a thank you and kissing the macbook pro isn't enough. The bill is due and you gotta pay the piper.  So lie down and think of BGL and pay up sucker.

One thing I have noticed is that production or camera or everyone at TLC is really throwing shade at these ppl. 

[1011101010001]

I don’t think Jasmine knows what husky means.

[Frozendiva]

Yeah, Usman, your bill is due. Either return the gifts to Superfan Kimbaaaaly, apologize for leading her on and having zero interest in her being your girlfriend, or put out. Lesson for Kimbaaaky, unless you have millions and a $3000 or so is chump change, hold off on giving undeserved expensive gifts to international superstars who can afford their own laptops and gaming systems.

Women of my generation were brought up to know that most gifts came with price tags. Things like flowers are romantic gestures in the initial courtship. Expensive stuff comes with expectations.

Wonder if Zara will show up and Usman leaves Superfan in the dust.

[Frozendiva]

10 hours ago, magemaud said:

Before the stripper got there, that had to be the lamest divorce party ever. Five people, all dressed up, sitting around a spartan hotel room drinking wine and  discussing Jasmine and “Yeeno’s” sex life without a bit of food in sight! 

I can’t wait until Gino sees the video without Jasmine’s crotch shots and the stripper’s butt blurred out. 

 

 

 

Maybe they were waiting for room service for the food, or it was in the fridge. Or the menu was just alcohol.

[winsomeone]

Doesn't Ximena still have ovaries? If so, she can still do IVF? Sounded like she wants no part of the pain of labor though.

[Colfrmb]

I am sick of Usman playing all coy and naïve.  He knows what she is doing and what he is doing in response.  It’s as bad as a woman using cramps for her excuse allllll month long.  Tell her the truth, dude.  And she needs to ask for her laptop and PS back.

[lamujerdecente]

2 hours ago, winsomeone said:

Doesn't Ximena still have ovaries? If so, she can still do IVF? Sounded like she wants no part of the pain of labor though.

Abortion and birth control are not as accessible in some parts of Latin America. Shite it’s not always accessible in places here. So I think that’s the smartest thing Scamiena did. Mike seems irritating with those messy traits but damn girl you don’t come with zero baggage either. 
Kimberly looks like trash with her styling and that terrible hair, sheesh I am four years younger than this chick and I am letting the pelo go grey. Right now in my pjs, messy ass hair and unwashed face, I look more dressed up than Kim’s entire run.

Now I don’t agree that Ussie owes Kim jack no matter what she gave him but damn she is a desperate ass heifer. And he is scammer central. 

[Kid]

51 minutes ago, lamujerdecente said:

Scamiena

Perfect!!!!!!

Meal ticket come with a price.  Someone should have taught her that!!

[magemaud]

1 hour ago, Colfrmb said:

It’s as bad as a woman using cramps for her excuse allllll month long.  

Maybe he will play the "Ramadan" card

[Kid]

Kimbaaaly - What a tool.

Gino - What a tool.

Ben - What a slimy tool.

Memphis - She keeps verbalizing distrust and that she finds him immature but is hell bent on marrying him before she leaves.

Scameina - Too bad she could not have kept him in America sending money.

Mike - She can’t stand the sight of you.

Calib - Run!!  Run fast.

Ella - Move on, girl.

Edited January 23, 2022 by Kid

[Mrs. Hanson]

Just watched it on D plus.  I. Have No. Words.

I was wanting it to end so I could watch the Rams and Bucs.  Then the Chiefs and Bill's.

I am going to leave this right here:

Edited January 23, 2022 by Mrs. Hanson

[nutella fitzgerald]

Omg, could that pair of trolls Alina and Elijah be any creepier? They definitely set Caleb up to be walked in on, right?

[Kid]

18 minutes ago, nutella fitzgerald said:

Omg, could that pair of trolls Alina and Elijah be any creepier? They definitely set Caleb up to be walked in on, right?

At least Elijah is forcing her to be honest.

[Alonzo Mosely FBI]

7 hours ago, winsomeone said:

Doesn't Ximena still have ovaries? If so, she can still do IVF? Sounded like she wants no part of the pain of labor though.

No offense meant to Ximena but idk what level of science class, repro health knowledge or even birth control access this girl had. She was a child when she got pregnant the first time and was using words like hoo hoo and pee pee instead of vagina and penis.  I don't believe she is well educated around any of the options. 

[Mrs. Hanson]

1 hour ago, nutella fitzgerald said:

Omg, could that pair of trolls Alina and Elijah be any creepier? They definitely set Caleb up to be walked in on, right?

Yes, but why would you want your bestie to see you partially naked?  Gay or not?

Allina is pissed because she did not get her Boink Me on Demand, same as KIMBAAAAALEEE, and so she is seeking revenge. Mission accomplished, troll girl.

Kim....please stop badgering him.  You know that is a giant boner killer, right?  And stop with the passive aggressive No, I'm fine....I'm FINE when you are clearly not fine.

Memphis.......Ella......just no.  Johnny's parents want a Chinese DIL.  Not morbidly obese American. 

And fyi:  Boink Me on Demand is purple and Laura can get you hooked up!

Pastor Pred.  When will you learn?  Never?  Got it.  As the Silva twins say:  SNATCH!

Edited January 23, 2022 by Mrs. Hanson

[Alonzo Mosely FBI]

And Asian Prince Johnny for the WIN. His description of America & Americans made me howl with laughter.  Smart man, Johnny. Oh how refreshing for Americans to hear how they are viewed across the pond.  Ella wants him to come during the Delta "Virus"  ???  uh did you mean variant? with no health insurance.  What if he gets hospitalized or needs care? How many of the other dummies on this show would have even considered that? (spoiler: zero)  What about Stony and his parents? She doesn't care about the pandemic, I feel she seems to not believe it's a big deal and just wants her feelings to not be assaulted anymore and for him to come for her needs and f*** everything else.

Smart decision Johnny. I kept yelling at Ella why don't YOU go to Dubai? What are YOU willing to put into this part way besides paying for your Wifi at home to video chat and your wigs?

Edited January 24, 2022 by Alonzo Mosely FBI

[xls]

2 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

Yes, but why would you want your bestie to see you partially naked?  Gay or not?

Allina is pissed because she did not get her Boink Me on Demand, same as KIMBAAAAALEEE, and so she is seeking revenge. Mission accomplished, troll girl.

Kim....please stop badgering him.  You know that is a giant boner killer, right?  And stop with the passive aggressive No, I'm fine....I'm FINE when you are clearly not fine.

Memphis.......Ella......just no.  Johnny's parents want a Chinese DIL.  Not morbidly obese American. 

And fyi:  Boink Me on Demand is purple and Laura can get you hooked up!

Pastor Pred.  When will you learn?  Never?  Got it.  As the Silva twins say:  SNATCH!

He has to have his x there to rub it in her face? If I was his kids or ex, I'd say 'Sue looks like true love to me -go for it!'😏😈

[JeanJean]

Someone please tell Alina that it will be over when Caleb finds out what a racist she is.

[CruiseDiva]

I'm not Team Alina, but what's the BFD if she lived with a boyfriend for a few months? Caleb doesn't seem to be that much into her anyway, so he should just tell her they have no long term future and leave. It would be more honest for them both to just go home.

[Kdawg82]

I liked when Elijah trolled Caleb. Sorry. I don't like Caleb. I think Elijah has his number as a gaslighting pr**k. They're all thirsty so no matter but yeah.

[Adeejay]

On 1/23/2022 at 4:25 PM, nutella fitzgerald said:

Omg, could that pair of trolls Alina and Elijah be any creepier? They definitely set Caleb up to be walked in on, right?

That wouldn't surprise me.  Last week, Alina said that now they’d had sex, she needs to hear something from Caleb about their future.  I believe her plan was to manipulate him into having sex and then using it as her leverage to get a commitment. I am convinced that she pressured Elijah and Maria to grill him about his intentions. I have a feeling she misled them into believing things were more serious with Caleb than they really were.

Edited January 25, 2022 by Adeejay

[FrancescaFiore]

Kimberly: and there it is, her icky fetish. "You know you're my personal Michael Jackson." Ew ew ew ew. She deserves to get scammed by that Nigerian prince.

Jasmine would have lost her cotton-pickin' mind if Gino had gone anywhere near a stripper. She freaked out when he tipped the waitress. 

Memphis is all, "You immature because you young." Okay then bish, what's your excuse?

[JeanJean]

It's like Kimberly and Usman were vying for the "who can out-coy the other" championship.

[liammaam]

I thought kimbaaly’s whole, “I respect that… but you gotta respect my rules,” was very, very telling. So utterly gross. 
 

Also, my opinion on Elijah and Alina has totally 180’d since the first episode. I still think Kah-lub is a pretentious dipshit, but Elijah and his “biiiitch” can gtfo with their creepiness. His comments to Caleb when walking in on them, and then at the subsequent creepfest dinner were so yuck- just flip the genders and imagine how awful it would be to have a man telling a female as she’s half-naked “I’m just checking your body out,” while the boyfriend snickers and laughs. I’m in agreement with an above poster that they totally set it up for him to walk in on them. Alina has a majorly nasty side to her.
 

Funny how Alina is totally okay with Caleb being uncomfortable and laughs at the completely unacceptable comments from Elijah but the second Caleb turns it on her, it’s not acceptable. Unlikable all around. 

Edited January 24, 2022 by liammaam
Typo

[liammaam]

Also, how me no notice that Memphis has a really insane habit of twitching her eyes open and closed when she is suspicious or angry? It’s so distracting and unsettling! 
 

She also needs to stop being mad- she CAN’T EVEN HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH HIM! How the hell does he know what she wants when they can’t even speak with each other! Even caveman speak doesn’t work. What a train wreck. 
 

As someone sitting on her couch with a case of COVID that was brought home from school, it is NOT just a cold, and even though it does feel like everyone is carrying on with travel like normal, I wouldn’t wish this in anyone- so, no Ella, The Delta “virus” is not just an excuse. This shit is nasty, even if people don’t want to acknowledge how painful and uncomfortable it is. 
 

But, COVID aside…he has a child and parents to support! She’s made almost no mention of that fact, and even seems to imply that his family is just an “excuse.” I can’t imagine being away from my child and parents for months at a time. I understand he does for work purposes, but survival and vacation banging are very different reasons for being away from family.  She wants the prince without his entourage. How unfair and so wrong to cute little Stony. 

Edited January 24, 2022 by liammaam
Had to hate on Ella, too

[FrancescaFiore]

3 hours ago, JeanJean said:

Someone please tell Alina that it will be over when Caleb finds out what a racist she is

He knows about the posts & says he doesn't believe "in her heart" that she's racist. 

[JeanJean]

5 minutes ago, FrancescaFiore said:

He knows about the posts & says he doesn't believe "in her heart" that she's racist. 

But he's kind of invested in keeping his place on the show  and I would think he wouldn't to be like, yes she is and he's with her. We'll have to stay tuned, see if more comes out. 

[FrancescaFiore]

I present you... GypsyMike. The resemblance is uncanny. 

[liammaam]

All of the Kimbaaaalee scenes felt so predatory to me- well, equal parts cringe and predatory. He should never have gone over, but she needs to stop being such a freaking fiend. 
 

And the way she clenched her mouth and violently slapped his hand away when walking back to the cab… I think she’s hiding some real Grangela-type potential for Nasty American under the “I don’t beg” façade. 

[Sir RaiderDuck OMS]

Alina: "You wouldn't even know if Elijah hadn't told you!" is not the defense you think it is.

Jasmean: You flip out if Gino even looks at another woman, but it's OK for a stripper to rub his crotch all over you???

Pastor dude: You're being played and are too willfully stupid to realize it. The excuses will keep coming as long as your bank account holds out.

[Texasmom1970]

I wonder if the pastor/church man would still feel God is leading to her if she turns out looking like Kimbaaaaly or something. Vain douche.

[jackjill89]

So much to unpack here!

Ximena can live with hitmen and purposely father children with a criminal in prison, but Mike has to stop passing gas and clean up his clothes (which I totally get, but...) Run Mike.

Kimberly wants payment. Usman's bed wall was killing me. Usman needs to pay his bill or return the merchandise, including that awful hat. I have to admit, I'm enjoying him toy with her. It is hysterical. Still not sure what a yammy is...

Gino can't tip a waitress but Jasmine can have a stripper grind in her face?

Memphis, you don't trust him and since finding out he's younger than you thought, he's now immature. Just stop, go home and hire a nanny. It will be cheaper in the long run. 

Ben is an idiot. Also, who wears a suit on a plane anymore? Especially for a long flight?

Caleb has slept with 100 women? Must be that glorious hair. 

Elijah walked in and watched? Alina and he are weird. Also -- her secret was not a big deal, but you just gave Caleb the excuse he needs to bolt without commitment. Now he can cross "sex with a little person" off his bucket list. 

Johnny for the win. When someone from China, ground zero for the virus outbreak, would rather stay there than come to the US, it tells you a lot about how well we've handled Covid and our healthcare system. . Ella, he's actually being rational. 

Oh 90 dayers... never change.

[greekmom]

11 hours ago, JeanJean said:

Someone please tell Alina that it will be over when Caleb finds out what a racist she is.

Caleb knows. He just doesnt give a rats ass bc as soon as the cameras were off he was gone.

All these ppl have fetishes:

Ella: Asian fetish

Caleb & Alina: famewhore fetish

Mike: Needy fetish

Ximena: Money fetish

Gino and Jasmine: S&M fetish with her being the dominate and him being the sub

Ben: Young girl fetish

Mahogany: see Ximena's fetish

Kimberly: MJ fetish

Usman: See Mahogany's fetish coupled with Caleb and Alina's fetish

Did i forget anyone?

[Gobi]

5 minutes ago, greekmom said:

Did i forget anyone?

Memphis, Hazmat, and Johnny.

[My Girls]

I totally see that Ximena is using Mike BUT...   I feel sorry for her.  Rough life; past, present, and future.  I can't imagine how to cope in those circumstances.  Also, Mike's nasty habits would gag a maggot.  From the skid-mark gonchies to the incessant farting to the belching, no one could stomach that.  You know that's nasty shit when even hit man ex-girlfriend is grossed out enough to kick him to the curb.  Seriously, Mike, take some probiotics and Metamucil and have a really good crap and quit farting on everyone.

[1011101010001]

11 hours ago, liammaam said:

I wouldn’t wish this in anyone- so, no Ella, The Delta “virus” is not just an excuse. This shit is nasty, even if people don’t want to acknowledge how painful and uncomfortable it is. 

And Idaho got hit bad.

[1011101010001]

1 hour ago, Chloe Dog said:

From the skid-mark gonchies to the incessant farting to the belching, no one could stomach that

Imagine if all three generations are like that.  It would be the gassy house.

[Rebky]

19 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

Just watched it on D plus.  I. Have No. Words.

I was wanting it to end so I could watch the Rams and Bucs.  Then the Chiefs and Bill's.

I am going to leave this right here:

Apologies for being O/T - this should have gone into over time - it should be based on skill - not luck.

Back on topic - I have ZERO confidence that ANY of these couples will last. Z-E-R-O!!! What a total shit show!!

[Breedom]

10 hours ago, FrancescaFiore said:

He knows about the posts & says he doesn't believe "in her heart" that she's racist. 

I just looked up the racist comments Alina made and it's quite unsettling. It changes my perception of her. Caleb - why are you supporting this? You have eyes and ears.

Also, her constant pressuring for commitment from Caleb: Slow down there, girl. Caleb is working at his own pace and you shouldn't stomp all over that, insisting for some kind of premature commitment to ease your anxieties. He's not ready for that. He has a lot to process and to think about. Your judgement isn't the best. Inviting Elijah along to blab whatever is at the top of his head, like the little game you all played and his bringing up the "big secret". In my opinion, this nothing big reveal never really had to be shared. Was it really a big deal to begin with? You made it more than it was.

Poor, poor Usman. I could just see the producers of the show in his hotel room after the two had parted for the night: "GO, go to her room now!" So he dragged himself, very sheepishly and unwillingly and I could just see everything he had inside of him, screaming, "I can't do this!" G'ma Kim, unable to read the room couldn't see that. HE IS NOT INTO YOU. AT ALL. Not even in the smallest of ways. He hasn't reciprocated to your "I love you" comment in the cab, he hasn't embraced you, he hasn't touched you except for your hand. He can't connect with you. He refuses to have sex with you. He works with beautiful and talented young women, why do you think he would want you for his wife? Accept it, cry a little and go home. You each have a life to live and it doesn't include each other.

[kristen111]

On 1/23/2022 at 12:22 PM, Kid said:

Perfect!!!!!!

Meal ticket come with a price.  Someone should have taught her that!!

I think they are both nuts.  He’s gross, and I don’t get what the hell she is.  Thank goodness she had her parts taken out.  She would have had a kid every year.
 

 

 

Edited January 24, 2022 by kristen111

[Mr. Miner]

20 minutes ago, Breedom said:

I could just see everything he had inside of him, screaming, "I can't do this!" G'ma Kim, unable to read the room couldn't see that. HE IS NOT INTO YOU. AT ALL.

Usman just put a brown paper bag over her head, then put one over your head. She's a two bagger!

[RedDelicious]

19 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

Yes, but why would you want your bestie to see you partially naked?  Gay or not?

I honestly thought Alina and Elijah were going to ask Cahleb for a threesome 😱

[Kroliosis]

Repeat

Edited January 24, 2022 by Kroliosis

[Mondrianyone]

Re Alina the racist Rumpelstiltskin: Sometimes it's also the little things (pun probably intended). How hard is it to pronounce someone's name correctly? She's "known" him for 13 years, and she still says Cah-leb instead of Cay-leb. From ah to ay is just a tiny tweak of Russian vowel sounds, but still she persists in getting it wrong on purpose. It's amazing (amahzing?) to me that she feels so entitled in so many ways. Including toward people of color, especially since she's basically ripping off black American music--or trying to.

[1011101010001]

If half naked to Caleb means shirtless he has allowed himself to be filmed that way constantly.

Maybe Mike should tell Ximena that red sore on her face is gross.

[mmecorday]

Noxzema is the pot calling the kettle black. Has she taken a good look at herself lately? Her hair is dirty, she's covered in ugly tats and she looks years older than she actually is. Mikey boy, you can do a lot better than this trollop.

It's hard to pick which couple is the most tiresome, but Hanza and Memphis are racing to the top of the list. Memphis thinks shouting at him in broken English is going to make him understand her better. What a loon. I don't think the local cuisine is to blame for Memphis's digestion issues -- I think he's just realizing that her match made in heaven is more like a deal with the devil.

[Breedom]

2 hours ago, Chloe Dog said:

Also, Mike's nasty habits would gag a maggot. 

Mike, have some common sense. You are in a new relationship, why would you knowingly exhibit your poor behavior to X? No one wants to be kissing someone when a big fart permeates the very space/air you are in. What a turn off. Then, "we can work on it together." What are you talking about? YOU need to work on it.

X's remark how she can fall out of love with him because of all this is telling. She's already tired of him. I like Mike, he has good intentions and is even willing to step in to co-parent X's two boys. But X likes bad-boys. That's really who she is and who she gravitates towards, despite her trying to make a life with Mike. IMO, Mike is vanilla, a flat soda, unbuttered toast. That reminds me of a guy I went out with many years ago. So nice, a hardware engineer, but just - bland. X isn't really in the market for bland.

I almost forgot when Kim referred to Usman as "bro". Grow up. Fifty plus year old women don't go around calling their potential partner, "bro".  He is not your bro, you are looking for a romantic, intimate relationship.