S25.E12: After the Final Rose

[tinkerbell]

13 hours ago, Sir RaiderDuck OMS said:

 

Matt: There were numerous African-American women on your season, all of whom would have understood your experience as a minority in America. You didn't pick any of them. Instead, you picked a white woman five years your junior, then dumped her because she didn't understand your very-different life experiences? Whatever, dude. You're a cad.

When the show has a Black bachelor, he needs to initiate discussion of race with any white women he is considering, as the show gets closer to the finale.  questions about her experience with dating Men who are not white, socializing with Black friends, and how her parents would react to them dating, all need to be addressed.  Rachael seemed naive about issues of race, like someone who says "I don't see color,"  when that is obviously not true.  

The party Rachael attended was hosted by her sorority, which was likely all white.  THe national sorority put a stop to the "Old South" type of party, so her chapter just re-themed it to "Rose Ball" and had it anyway.  Sororities are steeped in tradition, and my experience is that they are not open to questioning of traditions.  If all of your friends are attending a traditional party, it takes courage to question the tradition.  A lot of white people wouldn't see the party itself as racist unless it was explained to them.  

2 hours ago, Dehumidifier said:

Two black Bachelorettes and one black Bachelor and every one chose a white finalist. If I recall properly Rachel Lindsay's final three or four were all white. Why are they not being accused of racism?

That's not the definition of racism.  Dating outside your race is not, by itself, racist.  It's not treating someone unfairly because of their race, and it's not rooted in the belief that one race is superior.  I'm not sure how you are defining racism, but that's not it. 

[Dehumidifier]

3 minutes ago, tinkerbell said:

 

That's not the definition of racism.  Dating outside your race is not, by itself, racist.  It's not treating someone unfairly because of their race, and it's not rooted in the belief that one race is superior.  I'm not sure how you are defining racism, but that's not it. 

If I were black I would find that trend very disappointing, That was my point. Sarcastic, facetious, whatever you want to call it.

[JenE4]

2 hours ago, LakeGal said:

I find it interesting that Matt jumped to Hannah B's defense when she was going through her racial shaming.  But he doesn't have the same sympathy and understanding for the woman he claimed to be in love with.  I really don't think Matt wanted to get married to anyone.  He wanted to sleep with women.  He took the opportunity on The Bachelor to kiss and sleep with as many women as he could.  He didn't give Rachael the ring even before he knew about her past.  I think he used the situation to get out of the relationship.  He didn't even take Rachael on a final date on the show.  He dumped Michelle in a very cold way without letting her get answers.  He was crying to Chris Harrison sitting on the curb.  Matt was a bad choice for the Bachelor.  I don't think he ever planned to propose to anyone.  

That beard is really a bad fashion choice for him.  Ewww.

Exactly! Matt lucked out here that an excuse to dump Rachel and not come off as the bad guy was dumped in his lap. We all watched the show! We know he had absolutely no intention of marrying Rachel. The idea of choosing someone just to date seemed to completely overwhelm and depress him. We knew from episode 1 that he had commitment issues and never really had a serious relationship or had been in love. His talks with both of his parents left him absolutely reeling, and he was far more preoccupied with his parents’ relationship ending 20 years ago than focusing on beginning a relationship with one of his contestants. Rachel’s controversy is probably the best thing that could have happened to him. He can go on to be a member of “Bachelor Family” without being shunned for not only not proposing but also not even faking a dating relationship for a few months.

[Dehumidifier]

I'd like to see a stop put somehow to the serial makeouts at the cocktail parties. I remember when it started, with Bob Guiney (of all people! So attractive!) They were outdoors somewhere and the women were basically lining up to be taken aside and made out with. The next day we were talking about it in the office; that it was so gross. Before him there was some restraint. After him, all decorum in that arena was gone.

[Back Atcha]

5 hours ago, Bluesky said:

If that’s true, she shouldn’t have been In college because she is woefully undereducated.

Couldn't you say the same about every young sorority member at that party?  Maybe many of the young people in that college?  And..."undereducated" is an important reason for many young people to attend college.

[Back Atcha]

5 hours ago, bosawks said:

Though, Matt does look he might need some therapy after this.

WHOA!  This is so spot on.  Things he rarely considered discussing...things he certainly wasn't FORCED to voice...on national television.  He was just a handsome guy...a nice, thoughtful, kind man--but definitely not cut out for reality television.  I feel sorry for him, his mother, and his brother-with-the grill.  And after all the Bachelor crap (months ago), his contract still requires him to bounce around and repeat it all again on other ABC shows today!  Let this be a lesson to all wannabees.

[Arkay]

2 hours ago, mamadrama said:

The style of dress was common for the time period across numerous geographical areas. It's the "antebellum ball" part that really gives it that extra push. 

I agree. I'm reading a book right now about Kensington Palace in the Georgian age, 18th century, and hoop skirts were worn by all women "of quality." It's the plantation part, not the dress, that connotes an era of slavery. 

I doubt whether Rachel or any of her sorority sisters were thinking, "whoopie, I can pretend to be a slave-owner." If she grew up in small-town Georgia, a lifestyle about which I know nothing, I imagine it was just some kind of cultural affectation. She's since been informed and seems to be genuinely apologetic. 

Matt seemed hurt, genuinely, but also thoroughly disinterested in what Rachel says or does going forward. So that's not love. I also wonder about Rachel falling so head-over-heels for him. What was the connection? Just lust?

Matt also grew up in the South, but apparently more culturally integrated, maybe? I'm wondering how his parents met, a Southern woman and an African man. 

I have never been much of a Chris Harrison fan. Unlike a Jeff Probst, he had such a tiny role, really. Clink the glass, pronounce that there is one rose left, etc. I didn't see the Rachel Lindsay interview (not a fan of hers, either) and I do think a break is fair, but maybe not permanent banishment. I'd be happy if Emmanuel Acho became the new host. NOT JoJo again. 

[Back Atcha]

17 hours ago, Crashcourse said:

Acho might be a nice person, but he looks like an fuckin' idiot in that tight suit. 

I expected him to pass out due to lack of circulation and oxygen.  Is he really THAT proud of his biceps et al?

16 hours ago, Tink said:

I was expecting the host to be better.

I thought his staccato-style delivery was "interesting,"  chop 8-10 words enthusiastically.  STOP.  Chop again.

16 hours ago, Katie111 said:

Most uncomfortable pause in bachelor history.

Most uncomfortable BACHELOR in history.  I continue to feel such empathy for Matt James.  That's what he gets for hanging around with those showbiz wannabees from Bachelor Nation.  They probably taunted him into trying out.  Get a new roommate, Matt!  Get on a different path...entirely.

17 hours ago, laschifosavita said:

I thought he was implying that the producers didn't tell him the truth about why she wanted to talk to him.

That's what I thought.  Actually, I thought that through most of the interview.  He probably has an NDA...or he'd have an interesting (although short) book to write.

[Kiss my mutt]

Hopefully Hannah Brown doesn’t try to push him into DWTS. 😆

[Bluesky]

1 hour ago, b2H said:

Correct me if I am wrong, but when I saw Rachael’s father, he appeared to be Hispanic.  Did I mis-identify that?

ETA:  a couple of folks above have confirmed dad is Colombian.  Thanks!!!

Even more reason that she doesn’t get to use the excuse that everyone is White around her and she was just ignorant. 

[Bobcatkitten]

4 hours ago, Dehumidifier said:

Two black Bachelorettes and one black Bachelor and every one chose a white finalist. If I recall properly Rachel Lindsay's final three or four were all white. Why are they not being accused of racism?

Uh, because they are clearly choosing without regard to skin color? 

[Dehumidifier]

6 minutes ago, Bobcatkitten said:

Uh, because they are clearly choosing without regard to skin color? 

Or against their own?

[tennisgurl]

This season has really shown that the usual way they pick Bachelor/ettes, by going into the pool of former contestants to pick new people, is the absolute best way to do it. Finding someone totally new probably seemed like a good idea, but Matt was so awkward and forced all season and just generally seemed to have no idea how the show worked, it just felt off. This show lives or dies off its lead, and Matt just didn't have the charisma that they needed. They need people that know how to interact with the camera, who already had an idea of how a season should go, who can have natural conversation with contestants, who have screen presence. Someone who knows how to play the game. Matt spent all season looking like he was reading off a teleprompter and like he had no idea what to do with his hands. The only thing he knows what to do with his hands is put them in awkward places on any women he happens to be sitting near! I don't dislike Matt, but having someone new was a bad choice, especially with the added pressure on him being the first black bachelor. He also really doesn't seem like he actually wanted to get married, I don't think he was ever serious about getting engaged. I think he did, at least partially, want to meet someone but he was never ready to get married. From the start as much as he talked about "my future wife is here" he was always looking for ways out, talking about his commitment issues because of his parents and how he always wanted to be honest with them and was always sending women home left and right. They really just need to find people from this franchise, at least they have more than one catch phrase and can at least convincingly fake wanting to get married. Some of that wasn't his fault, like adding more and more women was just so awkward and unneeded and I have no clue how he could have made that work, but some of it, like him kicking women out all of the time and taking time off to mope all of the time, was all him. Gave him unfortunate Clare flashbacks. 

I cant believe I missed watching live, the one time I have actual plans!

I figured that Katie and Michelle would be front runners if Michelle didn't get the final rose, but I am surprised that they are both getting seasons right after the other. They were two of my favorites this season so I am happy with that, and I think their seasons will have different vibes. Katie is quirky and silly while Michelle is sophisticated and sporty, but both of them are very warm and fun and unlike Matt can work the camera so I am excited to see how they do. Michelle was on fire during After the Rose, she was very polite but is obviously totally over Matt and is probably counting her blessing that she didn't get the final rose. Her throwing shade at how Matt creepily kisses with his eyes open and his canned "thank you for sharing" responses to everything were hilarious. She is so obviously over him and considering how he ditched her after one talk and wouldn't even talk to her afterwards I don't blame her. Its rare to have someone who was cut somewhat early, but Katie got popular quickly with fans and is one of the few people that came off looking mostly good this season, especially in the flock of mean girls, so I am not surprised they went with her. This season was so unpleasant and so many people came off looking so bad, they went with two of the only people that I can remember actually smiling and having fun this season. 

That was a real problem I had with the show this season, it all just seemed so dour. Some of that was because Matt is so clearly uncomfortable and awkward in front of the camera and with the women, but I think a lot of that seemed to be that they were egging on the drama and editing things to focus totally on fighting, crying, and general meanness. They kept adding women and letting all of these shenanigans keep going and obviously messing with the show from behind the scenes, all in transparent attempts at adding more drama. From what I have gathered from people on the show and from some of the deleted scenes, there were fun times in the house where the women were having fun and Matt was actually funny and charming and people were actually likable. People laughed and smiled and bonded, but we hardly saw any of that people the producers think that all we want is drama and cat fights. Even the dates seemed really angry and lifeless, no one seemed to actually be happy to be there, which is bizarre for a show that is supposed to be about falling in love. A bit of drama can be fun, but I don't want all drama all the time, that just makes the show a depressing slougue to get through. So much time is spent on the shit stirrers and on fighting that it just seems like this is the most miserable show to be on and that everyone involved is horrible. Why would I want to watch such awful people fall in love? Why do we have so little time to get to know the likable people, and instead focus on these people that obviously just exist for the drama, like "Queen" Victoria, who is basically a cartoon villain? Hoping that Katie and Michelle can breath some life into this show. This show is supposed to be fun damn it. 

I am not surprised that Rachel and Matt aren't together, I never saw much spark between them even before we found out about the super problematic stuff that Rachel has done. Rachel always just seemed kind of dull, not unwatchable like some of the women but without much charm. I also found some of her behavior to be really obviously calculated and staged. I really cannot comprehend why Matt would choose Rachel over Michelle other than that Matt is pretty dull too and Michelle can do much better. I did feel for Matt when he was talking about feeling like he has to represent all black men as the first black Bachelor, its unfair but its true and I can imagine that put a lot of pressure on him, and that combined with him being new to the franchise, I wonder how much that led to him seeming so insincere and forced? He was trying too hard? I really just don't buy that he ever planned on getting engaged while Rachel TOTALLY expected a ring, so I highly doubt they will get back together, whether or not Rachel really does the work to realize what all she did. They were never on the same page, and this controversy was probably either the last straw in an already dying relationship or an excuse to dump Rachel and still look like the good guy. Bachelor Nation is often not forgiving to people who wont pop the question at the end, so now he gets away guilt free without having to commit to Rachel. 

Speaking of Rachel, I can see how a younger Rachel would just see a plantation party as being a chance to wear a frilly dress at a big pretty house and not ever think about what that plantation actually is and what its history was. It seems like Rachel has had real issues with some very problematic views, but it does seem like she is working on it and I appreciate that she took full responsibility and didn't try to pass the blame onto her family or being from a small town in the south. It doesn't make it alright, especially as this was all just three freaking years ago, but her remorse does seem real. Its wild to me that people can still be so ignorant to the darker parts of American history and life and the struggles that people of color have gone through, but they certainly can be. I do think it seems more like ignorance than real hatred and while that can be damaging and hurtful, it does seem like its something she can work on. If nothing else its good to talk about these things instead of just avoiding them, even when the conversations can be awkward. I don't know, its hard to play the ignorant card at this point, with so much access to the world and history, but I do know that its real and that plenty of people I know have been truly shocked to really see the struggles other people have had.

I never heard of the host for this week, but I liked him a lot. He was very frank about the issues the franchise has had but was also very warm and easy for everyone to talk with. He especially did a good job with Rachel, being very straight forward about why what she has done and said was wrong, but without seeming too accusatory. I would be happy to see more of him. I liked his thoughts on cancel culture, that you can hold people accountable but should also be open to talking and teaching, not just declaring someone horrible. 

Edited March 16, 2021 by tennisgurl

[Dehumidifier]

3 minutes ago, tennisgurl said:

 

Katie is quirky and silly

. 

Sometimes. But at others she seemed so self-righteous? Bossy? Controlling? Of course now she will be in charge so to speak, maybe it will work. Michelle seems much more laid back and relaxed. Hope she doesn't bring school kids into it. Less they know about this show the better! 

[catrice2]

16 hours ago, TomGirl said:

I think that’s what Matt felt was the breaking point.  Not the fact that Rachael said/did some racially insensitive things in 2018, but the fact that, even in 2021, she apparently could not realize or understand the impact of those things.

Add me to the list of those who think Acho did a great job.

 

That is actually what he said. He alluded to a conversation that they'd had that made him see that....so for all of those persecuting him why is he any different than any other person who has come on this show and realized that the person was not the person for them by the time of the ATFR? He made that decision based upon what he knows (that we don't know) about her NOW, not what she did back then.  Whatever she said to him made him understand that she is not ready right now to be in a relationship with him, and he has the right to make that decision. 

 I can't imagine this is a first. Most of these relationships don't last.  That is nothing against Matt or Rachael. Regardless of the reason, he did not see a future with her.    I keep seeing posts about "if he loved her" and I wonder how many of those people never had a breakup? Because that would mean that you stayed with whomever you were with, no matter what. Sometimes love is there, but love is not enough.  It is not like these people have time to establish a firm foundation.  They are in the "I might be deeply in love with you," phase when the show ends, but it is after the show that makes the determination....and he realized she is not it.   My personal opinion is that he probably would have figured that out even without the issues that came up.   You can also forgive, but that does not mean that you always forget. 

I'll leave with this....I hope you get you "fun" show back, I really do, but just know that not all conversations about race or interracial relationships are the way the show portrayed them.  If they did good vetting and actually cast people who were open to diversity all of this would not be the outcome.  We are all just people, flawed, emotional, rich , poor, etc.  It is when someone makes a choice to show something in a negative light and other people believe that instead of doing their own research that we run into a problem.  From what I've read The focus on the bad behavior of the women instead of what I am sure were some light hearted moments was a choice...taking airtime from WOC who stayed longer to focus on other contestants that were not a real part of Matt's journey, was a choice....hypersexualizing the interactions with the WOC,  the father conversation (when I've heard dad was expecting something else)  all of these things are the calculated way that the show manipulates narratives.  Realize that you still could have had your "fun" show, but the producers choose to focus on other things.  This is why this show is not for POC in my opinion. 

 Yes the conversations can be "uncomfortable" but I've had many very comfortable conversations....it depends on who you are having it with, why you are having the conversation, and what both parties bring to it.  Preachy, defensiveness, guilt and blame have to be checked in order to get to understanding, compassion and a path forward.  But both parties also have to be willing. 

I never thought I'd feel sorry for Matt James, but I do.  Now that he has decided to protect his peace....and is doing no doubt what countless other Bachelor's before him have done...he - the victim has become the bad guy because everyone is feeling like his rejection of Rachael is a personal attack on them or some type of social justice statement as opposed to a man who realized she was not the one.    I wonder if people are capable of asking themselves why they are REALLY mad at him for choosing to move on?  He has a right to happiness and he didn't find it on the show...as for his reasons going on...I am sure he is also not the first person who went on the show doubting they would find love, or not even seriously searching for it. Why hold him to a different standard? 

As for "cancel culture" she has over 500K followers and probably deals lined up....she will be fine.  She was not on trial and was not made to look bad at all...I just can't get why people want to have "grace" for some, but not all.  Where is the "grace" for Matt? he was the person humiliated and hurt. 

Edited March 16, 2021 by catrice2

[meatball77]

45 minutes ago, Arkay said:

I agree. I'm reading a book right now about Kensington Palace in the Georgian age, 18th century, and hoop skirts were worn by all women "of quality." It's the plantation part, not the dress, that connotes an era of slavery. 

 

Exactly, there are a lot of ways that you could have a fun historical era party without having it be a plantation party.  Have a revolutionary war era party and everyone can wear panniers (side hoops) or a Jane Austen party and everyone can wear regency dresses, you could even have a Victorian era party and the girls can wear hoop skirts or busles (although those comically huge pastel hoop skirts read as slave owners no matter how you do it).

If this was Katie's only misdeed you could see it as ignorance but there were other things (most notably that she bullied others for dating black guys in HS) which compounded on the party.

[Bluesky]

37 minutes ago, Back Atcha said:

Couldn't you say the same about every young sorority member at that party?  Maybe many of the young people in that college?  And..."undereducated" is an important reason for many young people to attend college.

No.  Most were probably very aware of the meaning of an antebellum party and why it was banned, after all they know their fraternity and sorority traditions. 
The inappropriateness of these parties as been discussed nationally for years. 
Sigma Alpha Epsilon made the news with their fraternity song that goes “there will never be a n**** SAE , (repeat), you can hang him from a tree but he’ll never sign with me, there will never be a n**** SAE.”   
when the video was leaked it was apparent they all knew the chant and they all sang it on a bus going somewhere.  This occurred only three years before this antebellum party that students are feigning ignorance in its meaning. 

[Sir RaiderDuck OMS]

1 minute ago, Bluesky said:

Sigma Alpha Epsilon made the news with their fraternity song that goes “there will never be a n**** SAE , (repeat), you can hang him from a tree but he’ll never sign with me, there will never be a n**** SAE.”   
when the video was leaked it was apparent they all knew the chant and they all sang it on a bus going somewhere.  This occurred only three years before this antebellum party that students are feigning ignorance in its meaning. 

FWIW, the fallout from that horrid video was immediate: SAE's national office apologized and immediately expelled that chapter (which was at the University of Oklahoma), and the now-independent fraternity was then kicked off campus by the OU President, who expelled the guys leading the chant and said he wouldn't mind if the chapter's other students left and never came back.

[atlanticslide]

3 hours ago, Sir RaiderDuck OMS said:

This season has shown why the normal Bachelor(ette) vetting procedure is the correct one: By only casting leads who are former contestants, you ensure the person you're picking can relate to someone on-camera and talk articulately when they're being filmed and know their every word will be scrutinized (which is harder than it looks). If Matt had been a contestant on Clare's season (which he was before Fleiss and co. yanked him and cast him as the lead here), I doubt he would have even been invited onto BiP, let alone headline the main show. As others have mentioned, he's not articulate on camera and doesn't relate well, resorting to the same stock phrases for every situation. He probably gave a great interview and had Hannah and Tyler vouching for him, but his personality didn't translate well to the actual show.

I actually wonder how things might have been different for him if he'd started his Bachelor(ette) career as one of the group on a B'ette season. I have to imagine that being one of the group is a really different experience than being the lead and he may have been more comfortable, and thus less stiff and reserved, if he wasn't the lead. 

[meatball77]

6 hours ago, mamadrama said:

Believe it or not but it happens...I live in neither the Midwest, Vermont, or Wyoming and I didn't have a single person of color in my school until I was in high school. My county had 3 elementary schools, one middle, and one high. Not only did my county, or the surrounding ones, not have many (or any) POC, but I wasn't around any kind of diversity until college. The area is majority white Christians. 

"Rachael might not understand what it means to be Black in America," Matt said on the ATFR. 

Well, Matt, she probably doesn't. I've had to educate myself on the matter myself. My education taught Black history, the awfulness of slavery, and the perils and unfairness of racism.

 

They don't teach that in many places in the South.  They still push the southern pride and some places still show slavery as being not that bad.  The curriculum in many places still doesn't admit that the civil war is about slavery (there are many articles about this).

The school my daughter went to in the suburbs of Detroit was the whitest one she attended.  I think there was one POC in her entire class, probably three in her grade.  Even diverse looking communities are very segregated.

 

[Bluesky]

18 minutes ago, meatball77 said:

Exactly, there are a lot of ways that you could have a fun historical era party without having it be a plantation party.  Have a revolutionary war era party and everyone can wear panniers (side hoops) or a Jane Austen party and everyone can wear regency dresses, you could even have a Victorian era party and the girls can wear hoop skirts or busles (although those comically huge pastel hoop skirts read as slave owners no matter how you do it).

If this was Katie's only misdeed you could see it as ignorance but there were other things (most notably that she bullied others for dating black guys in HS) which compounded on the party.

Of course if they just wanted a party but that’s not what these parties are about  The excuse that the girls just wanted to wear frilly clothes is demeaning to them.  “Well, ah don’t know about all that slavery stuff y’all are talking about, I just wanna look cute!”

[DEL901]

Maybe I am misremembering, but wasn’t Chris Harrison’s defence of Rachael brought up at the beginning of the show and then never revisited?    A missed opportunity to rehab his image. 

[tennisgurl]

I wish we met Matt as a contestant before being the Bachelor. I think he can be very charming and while he has had some iffy moments with the women, I think he seems like a decent guy and if he was more experienced in front of the camera I think that he would have been less stiff and awkward and this season could have been better. There was in general so much I liked about this season. They did have a lot of good women (most of which were unfortunately sidelined) and I like that they talked about Matt being black and his experiences being biracial frequently. Not talking about it would have just felt disingenuous. If anything, I guess he should have talked about it more, considering Rachel never put together her liking racist posts or taking pictures at antebellum themed parties might not be cool with her black boyfriend. I actually think he talked more about race with the women of color then the white women, when really he should have talked about it with everyone. I feel for him about Rachel honestly, there was no way for him to know about her history while on the show, he must have been watching this episode with his head through his hands. 

Edited March 16, 2021 by tennisgurl

[meatball77]

13 minutes ago, Bluesky said:

Of course if they just wanted a party but that’s not what these parties are about  The excuse that the girls just wanted to wear frilly clothes is demeaning to them.  “Well, ah don’t know about all that slavery stuff y’all are talking about, I just wanna look cute!”

It's the same excuse that is used for the confederate flag.  It's not racism it's southern pride.  This is "our history"

[Ms Blue Jay]

I'm glad they finally had a Black Bachelor.  Way too late in my opinion.  I love Matt.  Loved him on the show, love him now.  I hope that the show won't use the "drama" of this season (aka the unfortunate reality of finding out that you're dating a racist person) as a reason against inviting Black men to lead the franchise in future.  

Edited March 16, 2021 by Ms Blue Jay

[Madding crowd]

I like Matt too. I liked the fact he wasn’t polished for TV and didn’t always know the perfect thing to say. He seems like a good person and I like the close relationship he has with his mom and brother. I actually cried when he had the tough conversation with his dad. I wish him well.

[Jax7917]

49 minutes ago, catrice2 said:

That is actually what he said. He alluded to a conversation that they'd had that made him see that....so for all of those persecuting him why is he any different than any other person who has come on this show and realized that the person was not the person for them by the time of the ATFR? He made that decision based upon what he knows (that we don't know) about her NOW, not what she did back then.  Whatever she said to him made him understand that she is not ready right now to be in a relationship with him, and he has the right to make that decision. 

 I can't imagine this is a first. Most of these relationships don't last.  That is nothing against Matt or Rachael. Regardless of the reason, he did not see a future with her.    I keep seeing posts about "if he loved her" and I wonder how many of those people never had a breakup? Because that would mean that you stayed with whomever you were with, no matter what. Sometimes love is there, but love is not enough.  It is not like these people have time to establish a firm foundation.  They are in the "I might be deeply in love with you," phase when the show ends, but it is after the show that makes the determination....and he realized she is not it.   My personal opinion is that he probably would have figured that out even without the issues that came up.   You can also forgive, but that does not mean that you always forget. 

I'll leave with this....I hope you get you "fun" show back, I really do, but just know that not all conversations about race or interracial relationships are the way the show portrayed them.  If they did good vetting and actually cast people who were open to diversity all of this would not be the outcome.  We are all just people, flawed, emotional, rich , poor, etc.  It is when someone makes a choice to show something in a negative light and other people believe that instead of doing their own research that we run into a problem.  From what I've read The focus on the bad behavior of the women instead of what I am sure were some light hearted moments was a choice...taking airtime from WOC who stayed longer to focus on other contestants that were not a real part of Matt's journey, was a choice....hypersexualizing the interactions with the WOC,  the father conversation (when I've heard dad was expecting something else)  all of these things are the calculated way that the show manipulates narratives.  Realize that you still could have had your "fun" show, but the producers choose to focus on other things.  This is why this show is not for POC in my opinion. 

 Yes the conversations can be "uncomfortable" but I've had many very comfortable conversations....it depends on who you are having it with, why you are having the conversation, and what both parties bring to it.  Preachy, defensiveness, guilt and blame have to be checked in order to get to understanding, compassion and a path forward.  But both parties also have to be willing. 

I never thought I'd feel sorry for Matt James, but I do.  Now that he has decided to protect his peace....and is doing no doubt what countless other Bachelor's before him have done...he - the victim has become the bad guy because everyone is feeling like his rejection of Rachael is a personal attack on them or some type of social justice statement as opposed to a man who realized she was not the one.    I wonder if people are capable of asking themselves why they are REALLY mad at him for choosing to move on?  He has a right to happiness and he didn't find it on the show...as for his reasons going on...I am sure he is also not the first person who went on the show doubting they would find love, or not even seriously searching for it. Why hold him to a different standard? 

As for "cancel culture" she has over 500K followers and probably deals lined up....she will be fine.  She was not on trial and was not made to look bad at all...I just can't get why people want to have "grace" for some, but not all.  Where is the "grace" for Matt? he was the person humiliated and hurt. 

I can only speak for myself , but I dont think people are just annoyed that Matt didn’t want to give his relationship with Rachael a chance , I  think it’s also because he showed his true colors in the final episode . He NEVER had any intention of leaving this experience engaged , that much was clear . I’m sure he does have commitment issues because of his father , but I also think he’s just a true “ bachelor “ and doesn’t want to be held down with one person now that he’s D list famous and can continue having many women in the real world . And don’t get me wrong , there’s been many bachelors before him who were the same way ( Peter being one who stands out as being a waste of time .) And Peter got his share of hate during his season . Matt must’ve studied his role and came off as trying to be sincere but I get the sense that behind the scenes , he has no interest in working on his commitment issues . The fact that he wouldn’t even give Michelle 2 minutes of his time after he dumped her told a lot about him . I don’t know , i think having the Bachelor in general is a waste of time. There’s been what , 2 bachelors who have actually gotten married ?  There should just be the bachelorette , as the guys are what we want to see and it has a better marriage outcome . 

[Crashcourse]

14 hours ago, chocolatine said:

CH must have slipped the stylist a few Benjamins to make Acho look ridiculous. What other justification is there for the suit that fit like a blood pressure cuff?

I'm wondering how he even got the damn suit on.

[StatisticalOutlier]

18 hours ago, Irlandesa said:

And is it just me but I thought I noticed some appreciative looks between Emmanuel and Michelle.  Katie just seemed to disappear when they were talking to one another.

I noticed the same thing and thought, "Hmmmmm..."  They sure seemed to me to be sparking.

 

15 hours ago, JudyObscure said:

If I never hear the phrase, "have a conversation" again it will be too soon.  Especially because the people who say it most don't really want to have a conversation at all, not even a talk.  What they want is to lecture while you listen.

I've always thought the word "conversation" would be deadly for a drinking game.  I guess it's just the structure of the show, and they're either having conversations or bungee jumping, but it drives me nuts when all the combatants ever talk about is how their conversation with the lead went, or how they need to have another conversation.  I start to flinch every time I hear the word.

 

9 hours ago, phlebas said:

I admit... I thought Rachael did a great job in what must have been a tough discussion. No defensiveness, no deflecting, no excuses.

I'm not saying she's put in the work or deserves to not be held to account or anything like that. But for what that interview was, I don't know how she could have handled it better.

Me neither.  In situations of boorish behavior like this, where people think the miscreant hasn't done or said enough, I want to know, "What exact words could she say for you to forgive her?" 

 

 

[Jeanne222]

19 hours ago, pennben said:

She’s not on trial. 

 

18 hours ago, Diana Berry said:

Sure felt like it.

She's on trial in the court of Public Opinion.

18 hours ago, Irlandesa said:

 

I agree.  I think Emmanuel Acho did a fantastic job.  Rachael wasn't on trial.  She had to address some uncomfortable topics from the photographs from her past to the breakup but I think Acho was very gracious in believing in her ability to grow.

I also think Matt James had to answer some tough questions as well.  I can't imagine talking about being a black man in America was easy for him.

I get we all want to see fluff but when a couple breaks up before AFTR, there isn't as much room for happy fluff.  And going to all white leads doesn't divorce this show from racism; it just hides the racism.

Katie was good on the show but she isn't all that great live. I thought she was about to throw up when being introduced as The Bachelorette.  Michelle's just terrific. I can't wait for her season. 

And is it just me but I thought I noticed some appreciative looks between Emmanuel and Michelle.  Katie just seemed to disappear when they were talking to one another.

Anyone else wonder if she'll even make it to her season single?

I think Acho did a great job.  Didn't like any of his dress and kept looking to see if he was wearing sox!

I don't think Rachael did anything wrong.  She went to a party with her sorority friends to a place many had partied at before.   To hold her accountable and say she is racist is unfair.  I don't think most college kids look up the history and how it might look years down the road.  The herd mentality happened.

I think Michelle is beautiful.  Not at first but as you look at her and she speaks she just gets prettier and prettier.

If under standing the Black experience is so important why did Matt chose a white woman without any question and answer?  If Rachael was racist why would she appear on a Black Bachelor program?  Evidently it didn't matter that much to either of them since they chose each other.

I agree that Acho and Michelle seemed to have each other's eye.  Maybe....lol

[mamadrama]

1 hour ago, meatball77 said:

They don't teach that in many places in the South.  They still push the southern pride and some places still show slavery as being not that bad.  The curriculum in many places still doesn't admit that the civil war is about slavery (there are many articles about this).
 

See, having grown up and attended school in the south, having children currently attending school there, and still owning a home and living part of the year in small town GA very close to Cummings, I think it's a lot more nuanced than that. It's not so much teaching that "the civil war isn't about slavery" as it is "the civil war was about slavery BUT..." It's that "but" that's the dangerous part. If it were just about NOT educating then that would be one thing. Instead, it's miseducating and that can be much harder to unwind. It's one thing to teach someone facts-it's a whole other ball of yarn to " unteach" what they thought they already knew. 

[Back Atcha]

2 hours ago, DEL901 said:

A missed opportunity to rehab his image. 

I won't waste my time...and it's not about Harrison's "woke" image regarding race.  He puts the "S in SMARMY.  It's time to put him out to pasture--past time.

[TVMovieBuff]

1 hour ago, Crashcourse said:

I'm wondering how he even got the damn suit on.

Acho was a good host and moderator for ATFR. I am glad for that. I liked what he said about insensitivity, ignorance, and how maliciousness was a factor. 

Wouldn't Acho have looked wonderful in a suit that was really suit-able? Like something that fits like the suits Steve Harvey wears on Family Feud. The silly tight suit didn't make him look distinguished or intelligent, which I think he is. 

[Back Atcha]

2 hours ago, tennisgurl said:

Speaking of Rachel, I can see how a younger Rachel would just see a plantation party as being a chance to wear a frilly dress at a big pretty house and not ever think about what that plantation actually is and what its history was.

I agree and I made that point earlier.  The couldn't think about it because she didn't have a clue.  I think we need to know young (white) college women who grew up in the South.  They would have a difficult time "educating themselves," when the ugly side of "antebellum" is never taught at home or in the schools. It would be interesting to see an "After the Rose" -type interview with every one of those young women in the sorority photo--especially now that one of their members is national news.

7 minutes ago, TVMovieBuff said:

Wouldn't Acho have looked wonderful in a suit that was really suit-able? Like something that fits like the suits Steve Harvey wears on Family Feud. The silly tight suit didn't make him look distinguished or intelligent, which I think he is. 

I wonder if one of the first calls he had was from Steve Harvey (haha).  Yep...that Pee Wee Herman suit was not only silly--it was a real distraction.  It's getting more attention than his influence.

[Dehumidifier]

1 hour ago, Jax7917 said:

  There should just be the bachelorette , as the guys are what we want to see and it has a better marriage outcome . 

I think The Bachelor has higher ratings because men watch to see the women. My brother does (despite being, ahem, older.) I prefer The Bachelor to see the fashions. I know I am too old for the guys. I think women will watch either sex as the lead. Anyway,  what happened to the "mature" version of this show they were casting for?

[MissPriss]

4 minutes ago, Dehumidifier said:

I think The Bachelor has higher ratings because men watch to see the women. My brother does (despite being, ahem, older.) I prefer The Bachelor to see the fashions. I know I am too old for the guys. I think women will watch either sex as the lead. Anyway,  what happened to the "mature" version of this show they were casting for?

If you think casting a season of young people who are “woke” is difficult, try casting a bunch of “woke” senior citizens! 😂

[Crashcourse]

18 minutes ago, TVMovieBuff said:

Acho was a good host and moderator for ATFR. I am glad for that. I liked what he said about insensitivity, ignorance, and how maliciousness was a factor. 

Wouldn't Acho have looked wonderful in a suit that was really suit-able? Like something that fits like the suits Steve Harvey wears on Family Feud. The silly tight suit didn't make him look distinguished or intelligent, which I think he is. 

Funny you should mention Steve Harvey, because many years ago he used to wear suits that looked three sizes too big, with the wide shoulders and wiiiiide pants, lol.  However, someone must have talked to him about it because he got his act together and he now wears suits that fit properly. 

[Sir RaiderDuck OMS]

9 minutes ago, Dehumidifier said:

Anyway,  what happened to the "mature" version of this show they were casting for?

Given the flaming trainwreck that was 39-year-old Clare Crawley's season, I doubt they're going that route again anytime soon.

[Chicago Redshirt]

9 hours ago, Bluesky said:

I have a hard time believing that.  Unless you live in a very rural state like Vermont or Wyoming or the Midwest with more corn than people.  Southern states have large populations of Latinos and Black people.  Northeast cities have immigrants from every country out there.  The west coast is also made up of “people of color”. 

Self-segregation and deliberate segregation even in places where there are large populations of color are still things. It's totally plausible to me that in a number of big cities or suburbs, one can go about day to day life and have next to no contact with people of other races. Particularly if you're talking meaningful contact. Having that classmate of X background does not mean all that much if you don't really talk to that person. 

9 hours ago, Bluesky said:

If that’s true, she shouldn’t have been In college because she is woefully undereducated.   She never came across as too bright but how are they not teaching their own history in Georgia?  

I would assume that like many places around the country, teaching about slavery is played down to the extent it can be.

8 hours ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

This is a wild assumption.  What Rachael did is really extreme and no, I have never encountered anything remotely close to it being born of and going through many interracial relationships myself.  It's okay to look at what Rachael did without tarnishing "most" interracial relationships with the same brush.

A lot of people consumed alcohol during this past year of quarantine, but that equates to Matt having lifelong problems?  

Different people will see what Rachael did differently. If it is just going to an antebellum ball without realizing the implications, I can understand that some people will call it really extreme and a dealbreaker. For me, it would be an easily forgivable thing.

I think that racism is unfortunately so prevalent and so internalized that I think it is a safe bet that most interracial couples have had to deal with demons from within each member of the relationship about interracial relationships specifically and about race, where one member had blinders on to the issues the other was facing or the issues that they were causing for their partner. I don't think that is tarnishing interracial relationships, but rather a reflection of how much racism affects most things. (and I suppose how little weight I give the "I stupidly went to a party as a 21YO that glossed over the horror of slavery" as a relationship issue or how much I value forgiveness and understanding as things in relationships),

Things that I think would come up on some level in most interracial relationships historically (I acknowledge that things may have become more open for people from 18-34 on the interracial front) would include: acceptance of friends and family members about the relationship; understanding of stereotypes and their impacts on us; politics; culture shocks; child-rearing. To me, all those sorts of things are far more devastating because they are directly about what has and will happen in the relationship. Rachael, regardless of whatever other shortcomings she may have, isn't going to be partying at antebellum balls in the future and at least seems to be making a good faith effort to become a more knowledgeable person.

8 hours ago, Irlandesa said:

She didn't know what was wrong with going to the party or taking the photo when it first came out three years later.  These parties have been banned on many college campuses. (I think hers too but I'm not entirely sure).  There is other social media activity that indicates this wasn't a one time poor decision. 

It's not that she can't grow.  She can.  It's that everyone has to ask themselves what they're willing to put into a relationship.  Matt is probably willing to have conversations with a white partner; he's just not willing to have all the conversations.  Or at least not with Rachael.

Matt has many flaws.  (Many)  But not wanting to explain to his girlfriend the many ways racism shows itself in society isn't what I'd consider one of them.

But as far as we know, this is just one conversation that he was asked to have. And as far as we know, he not only didn't want to have it, he didn't try to have it. Is that how one would respond to someone who is even remotely possibly "their person"? It seems to me that that either Matt never truly felt anything for Rachael in the first place, or he was overly sensitive to the offense, or he was not willing to put in even a little work to help this woman be better.

7 hours ago, Dehumidifier said:

Two black Bachelorettes and one black Bachelor and every one chose a white finalist. If I recall properly Rachel Lindsay's final three or four were all white. Why are they not being accused of racism?

Not knowing anything about the other contestants, there is not necessarily anything racist about happening to prefer someone who happens to be of a given race or even happening to prefer people of X race.

I do find it interesting that in Matt's case, the pool of Bachelorettes seemed disproportionately stocked with women of color. And even Rachael from what people are saying here is of mixed ethnicity even if she identifies as White. 

[Chicago Redshirt]

15 minutes ago, Sir RaiderDuck OMS said:

Given the flaming trainwreck that was 39-year-old Clare Crawley's season, I doubt they're going that route again anytime soon.

They kept advertising for casting for a senior Bachelor (I assume rather than Bachelorette). I think it might be an interesting experiment, but then I think that part of the attraction of the show is the eye candy aspect, and that would be diminished somewhat with seniors (no offense to those in my age bracket or older, but I don't think that many people are going to want to watch 65+ people looking for love on The Golden Bachelor The Senior Bachelor or whatever they want to call it.)

Edited March 16, 2021 by Chicago Redshirt

[Dehumidifier]

4 minutes ago, Chicago Redshirt said:

They kept advertising for casting for a senior Bachelor (I assume rather than Bachelorette). I think it might be an interesting experiment, but then I think that part of the attraction of the show is the eye candy aspect, and that would be diminished somewhat with seniors (no offense to those in my age bracket or older, but I don't think that many people are going to want to watch 65+ people looking for love on The Golden Bachelor The Senior Bachelor or whatever they want to call it.)

Chicago Redshirt up above sounds like he would be a good candidate for the part if he fits the parameters. How about it C.R.?

[Chicago Redshirt]

15 minutes ago, Dehumidifier said:

Chicago Redshirt up above sounds like he would be a good candidate for the part if he fits the parameters. How about it C.R.?

LOL, married for more than a decade so unless they do a spin-off called The Divorcee, the Swinger, the Polyamorous or the like, I'll just have to be watching from the sidelines.

[After7Only]

On 3/16/2021 at 3:25 AM, Diana Berry said:

Yes.  Let me treat you like a 4 year old because I’m the great authoritarian.  While movies, rap songs, etc continue to degrade women, spur racism, etc  but no ‘ conversation’ about that. 

I don’t recall any rap music, movies, etc. degrading women being part of the this show.  So there was no reason to discuss it here.  The actual instance of alleged racial insensitivity was discussed as it should have been.   Acho did not come across as authoritarian to me.  He was quite compassionate.  Rachael didn’t come across as a 4 year old.   She came across as a woman accepting the consequences of her actions as an adult.

20 hours ago, catrice2 said:

That is actually what he said. He alluded to a conversation that they'd had that made him see that....so for all of those persecuting him why is he any different than any other person who has come on this show and realized that the person was not the person for them by the time of the ATFR? He made that decision based upon what he knows (that we don't know) about her NOW, not what she did back then.  Whatever she said to him made him understand that she is not ready right now to be in a relationship with him, and he has the right to make that decision.  

 

That was my thought as well.  It wasn’t the pics, but her reaction.   Or perhaps her reaction to him being upset about the story.  If her initial response was, what’s the big deal, it wasn’t like that...rather than recognizing his pain, I can see why it might give Matt pause.  It is very tiring and stressful for a black person to educate white people about racism.   Not everyone has the patience or desire to do so.  

When I was in college it wasnt uncommon for white fraternities/sororities to have hip hop or hood themed parties where the wore stereotypical crap and blackface was not uncommon.  They too would claim it wasn’t racist (when someone complained).  The parties rarely had other black people there.   

Black people (and the white people who complained) knew that was racist, but no one else?  The burden should not be on black people to point out racism   I do appreciate Rachael taking responsibility for her actions and I really do hope she continues to do the work.   

 

Edited March 17, 2021 by After7Only

[Ms Blue Jay]

Everyone keeps calling the host Acho or Ancho but just FYI his name is Emmanuel Acho.  

I get that some people think Antebellum parties are totally normal and acceptable, but to a lot of people outside Southern US it's actually pretty shocking.   I think this is a Southern US thing.  The defence of it and statements that this kind of thing happens in all interracial relationships is just not true.  

Edited March 17, 2021 by Ms Blue Jay

[StatisticalOutlier]

45 minutes ago, Crashcourse said:

1 hour ago, TVMovieBuff said:

Wouldn't Acho have looked wonderful in a suit that was really suit-able? Like something that fits like the suits Steve Harvey wears on Family Feud. The silly tight suit didn't make him look distinguished or intelligent, which I think he is. 

Funny you should mention Steve Harvey, because many years ago he used to wear suits that looked three sizes too big, with the wide shoulders and wiiiiide pants, lol.  However, someone must have talked to him about it because he got his act together and he now wears suits that fit properly. 

That's for posting that, @Crashcourse.  I haven't seen Steve Harvey in years and just remember the gigantic suits that looked like they were from Stop Making Sense and thought, "Noooooo!!!!!!"  Glad to hear somebody got to him.

I hated Acho's "look."  The no-sock thing bugs in general, and really bugs in a "dressy" setting.  The red turtleneck was distracting, as was his not unbuttoning the jacket when he was sitting, which made it look even tighter.  However, that meant he never adjusted his clothes, and neither did Matt.  Unlike the women, who had to sit just so in order not to flash the viewers, and had to pull their dresses down when they stood up.  It makes me so sad women can't wear untortured clothes.

To bring things full circle, I always thought Harrison's suits looked nice. 

[chocolatine]

2 hours ago, Jeanne222 said:

I don't think Rachael did anything wrong.  She went to a party with her sorority friends to a place many had partied at before.   To hold her accountable and say she is racist is unfair.  I don't think most college kids look up the history and how it might look years down the road.  The herd mentality happened.

The excuse that she didn't *do* anything wrong because she didn't *know* it was wrong doesn't fly. She and the other people who organized/attended the party were college-educated adults at the time. They knew that plantation parties had been banned by universities nation-wide, and they knew the reasons for the ban. I'm glad that Rachael now understands that she made a mistake and has committed to learning and thinking more critically in the future.

[Chicago Redshirt]

Here's a thought experiment 

Imagine that you are single once again and there's a person who seems like the perfect partner for you. Smart, funny, good-looking, dependable, passionate or whatever else rocks your world. You date long enough to start to think this is a person you could really envision spending your life with.

And then you find out something about them that:

1. Happened years before you met the person

2. That was not criminal nor malicious in any way on your person's part but merely extremely insensitive/clueless

3. That does not figure in and of itself to directly impact you, your person or your relationship most likely (in other words, it's not something like your person has a STD that could be transmitted to you, or an addiction that your person may have a relapse for)

4. That the person now genuinely knows was a big mistake

5. That the person says they will work to change and avoid a repeat. 

What is your reaction?

Do you forgive the person the transgression?

Agree to work with them about it, maybe seek therapy?

Or break up with them in a phone call, telling them they have to do the work alone and you're not here for it?

Now this may be an oversimplification of events, but this is essentially what happened with Matt and Rachael. 

And maybe I'm a sucker, but if I was in Matt's place and things were a lot more severe (like finding out that Rachael was an actual member of a hate group in her college years but has since realized the error of her ways), I would of course be stunned but would at least be willing to give her a chance to show me she's willing to work on herself and be a good partner to me despite her past. As far as we were told (and I could have missed something or they could have held back parts of the true story), Rachael was open to making the relationship work and confronting her own racial insensitivity, and Matt wasn't even conflicted about kicking her to the curb or leaving the door truly open to "maybe one day if she's shown enough progress we can give it a second try."

Edited March 17, 2021 by Chicago Redshirt

[EllenB]

11 hours ago, Bluesky said:

I have a hard time believing that.  Unless you live in a very rural state like Vermont or Wyoming or the Midwest with more corn than people.  Southern states have large populations of Latinos and Black people.  Northeast cities have immigrants from every country out there.  The west coast is also made up of “people of color”. 

 

Chicago. Detroit. St. Louis. Kansas City. Milwaukee. Indianapolis. And many, many smaller cities and towns in the Midwest with significant POC populations. Of course there are small towns that are all white. I've also seen those kinds of towns in New York, Pennsylvania, and other states.

[catrice2]

1 hour ago, After7Only said:

I don’t recall any rap music, movies, etc. degrading women being part of the this show.  So there was no reason to discuss it here.  The actual instance of alleged racial insensitivity was discussed as it should have been.   Ancho did not come across as authoritarian to me.  He was quite compassionate.  Rachael didn’t come across as a 4 year old.   She came across as a woman accepting the consequences of her actions as an adult.

That was my thought as well.  It wasn’t the pics, but her reaction.   Or perhaps her reaction to him being upset about the story.  If her initial response was, what’s the big deal, it wasn’t like that...rather than recognizing his pain, I can see why it might give Matt pause.  It is very tiring and stressful for a black person to educate white people about racism.   Not everyone has the patience or desire to do so.  

When I was in college it wasnt uncommon for white fraternities/sororities to have hip hop or hood themed parties where the wore stereotypical crap and blackface was not uncommon.  They too would claim it wasn’t racist (when someone complained).  The parties rarely had other black people there.   

Black people (and the white people who complained) knew that was racist, but no one else?  The burden should not be on black people to point out racism   I do appreciate Rachael taking responsibility for her actions and I really do hope she continues to do the work.   

 

Like when my supervisor told me he was letting his 13 year old son have a Pimps and hxx's party....with the dressing up  and thought nothing of it....as if there have never been any White pimps......

  Matt knew Rachael for a few weeks, and it sounds like she was not exactly forthcoming with him when it all first came out.  No one knows what conversations they had about this.  Initially he did stand by her.  My guess is that if she scrubbed her social and things were still there, we have no idea what else she said to him or told him about that my have been problematic. To reduce it to "it was JUST A PICTURE, or JUST A DRESS is tone deaf and insensitive.  Some things are deal breakers.  Matt clearly has issues, but personally it appeared that life wise they were in two different places anyway.  I think there is more to the breakup than just what the public knows about. 

I personally have been in this situation.....guy was perfect on paper, etc. but he said something very, very racially insensitive about my parents.  That was a NO for me.. and more conversation indicated this was not a one time thing. ..I didn't have it in me to go back and help him with this.....therapy to me is for MARRIED people......and this was before all the self help, etc.   Sadly, he is now a judge....I often wonder how much of his bias has leaked into his profession?  Was it my job to stay with him and teach him when we had only dated a few months?   But  the horrible side of me wonders if I should have tried to work it out every time I think of his stay at home wife that doesn't have to work.....ha ha ( this is a joke) 

By the way, my experience has been that people like this usually try to gaslight you and make you think you are being too sensitive, while at the same time telling you they know what they did is wrong.  It is exhausting....

[DA6988]

It’s not Matt’s responsibility to stay with someone to teach them. Every black person (or any person of color) has different boundaries and it’s perfectly okay for Matt’s to be what he articulated about the dealbreaker being that she still didn’t get what the problem was until he literally spelled it out. It’s fine that that made him realize that he wasn’t down to keep going. 
 

Basically, most of these relationships crash and burn. Odds are they weren’t that into each other to begin with and then ran into this issue and he called it quits. Which he is within his rights to do. I don’t think he’s any worse than any other contestant whose ended it with their F1 five minutes after the ‘proposal.’ 
 

And you’re argument has one big flaw - Rachael not understanding how her actions (despite not intending yo be malicious or hurt others) do affect her relationship with Matt. She was unable to make connections with some pretty basic things re to race but thinks she’s ready to be in a relationship with a black men? She didn’t once make those connections after the fact or during the season. Which to me, means she hasn’t meaningfully engaged in any discussions about race since this incident happened and/or held problematic beliefs. If it’s the former then I question who she surrounds herself with because in today’s climate you essentially have to NOT want engage in those discussions to avoid them. If it’s the latter I question she surrounds herself with because they’re probably problematic themselves and she’s okay with that. Basically, while I’m glad from her words on the episode etc. that she seems to be learning now if I were in Matt’s shoes I would most definitely question whether this person is ready to be in a relationship with me and whether I was ready to be their “teacher” versus their partner. Because Rachael needs to engage in a lot of unlearning and their entire relationship would end up being about that. And once again, it’s okay if Matt didn’t want to do that. 
 

I  with him not thinking twice about it. It seemed he did think twice about it and was triggered by having to pretty much explain the basics. He also seems like someone who struggles with his own black identity and comfort levels - his conversation with Emmanuel for example made me realize that due to editing and never getting to hear him talk about it that I actually have NO idea who Matt is. He spent the entire season walking on eggshells because he’s black and he knew he’d already be perceived a certain way. I honestly can’t fault him for not wanting to be in the position of dealing with all of that + Rachael all the time after that experience. 
 

Again, I think at the end of the day the fact that I don’t think he was ever Sean with Catherine levels in love with Rachael plays a role. This might have gotten dragged out like Becca and Garrett (and we saw how that turned out). 
 

I also find it fascinating that even when Rachael herself is saying things like “Just because it’s normal or I didn’t make the connection doesn’t mean it’s okay” people are bending over backward to defend her making the same points she said are not a defense.